20 signs your child has recently started primary school

October 19, 2015, 3:10 am

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Starting school is undoubtedly one of the biggest rites of passage – for parents as well as their children.

How can it be possible that the first half term of the new school year is already over? If you’ve waved your little one off for their first full day at primary school recently, you’ll probably have noticed them doing some of the following:

1. They’ve called you by their teacher’s name on more than one occasion, which leads you to wonder have they called Miss – or indeed Sir – Mummy too?

2. They’ve had nits already. Twice.

3. Everything they own smells of ‘school’ – it seems to have its own unique fragrance, which you can’t quite put your finger on.

Read the full story

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Jilted bride invites city’s homeless to enjoy her luxury wedding reception

October 19, 2015, 3:40 am

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Bride-to-be Quinn Duane was meant to be enjoying her big day with 120 invited guests this weekend but, after the groom got cold feet, she generously gave the city’s homeless an unforgettable feast instead.

Twenty-seven-year-old Quinn was all set to marry her boyfriend of four years in a dream $35,000 (£22,000) ceremony at Sacramento’s four-star Citizen Hotel, but last Monday, she phoned mum Kari to break the news that her fiance had called it off.

With the reception already paid for, Quinn and her mother Kari decided not to cancel, but, instead, to host a free dinner for those who needed it most.

Read the full story

This is what a witch gets up to over Halloween

October 19, 2015, 4:13 am

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Lucya Starza is a 55-year-old witch, author and blogger who lives in south east London with her cat, Jerry, and her husband.

She’s been doing spells since childhood and became a Wiccan in her 20s.

Her latest book, Pagan Portals Candle Magic, is out in February and she writes A Bad Witch’s Blog.

I caught up with her to find out what real life witches get up to over Halloween.

So, you’re a witch then?

Yes, I’m a Wiccan.

Wicca is a form of modern pagan witchcraft – as much a religion honouring nature and the cycle of the seasons as it is about casting spells, although I do cast spells.

Go on then, turn me into a frog

If I had pound for every time someone’s said… Read the full story

19 things you’ll only understand if you don’t like cats OR dogs

October 19, 2015, 4:35 am

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Admit you don’t like cats; fair enough. Admit you are not a fan of dogs; that’s OK. But admit you do not actually like cats OR dogs – and you are the devil.

It is not like I hate these animals. I am not going to kick your cat or punch your poodle, I just don’t get what all the fuss is about.

If you just don’t get pets, you may relate to a few of these things:

1. You feel like a freak because even the tiniest kitten or puppy does nothing for you.

For the last time. No, not even the Andrex puppy.

2. You have to pretend not to be grossed out when they lick you.

‘Ah Rex is… Read the full story

These rainbow bagels stuffed with candy floss may be the trippiest thing we’ve ever seen

October 19, 2015, 5:01 am

≫ Next: 26 things you’ll only remember if you were addicted to Tumblr

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We know when something looks like that, no good can come of it. But, frankly, we just can’t stop looking at them.

These rainbow bagels are the work of Brooklyn bakery The Bagel Store and, apparently, they’re selling out at an alarming rate. Alarming for all kinds of reasons.

As well as the irresistibly shiny dough shell, these bagels come slathered in a choice of Nutella and cream cheese, or rainbow sprinkles and cream cheese mixed with candyfloss and pieces of Funfetti cake. Funfetti for the uninitiated (i.e. not American), is cake batter filled with candy bits. Because sugar.

Basically, imagine biting into rainbows, unicorns, sugar and sunshine, and… Read the full story

26 things you’ll only remember if you were addicted to Tumblr

October 19, 2015, 5:06 am

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Were you that teen that chose to spend 12 hours a day on Tumblr instead of going out with friends?

Because everything was much more interesting when it was coming from random people you didn’t know, right?

But it wasn’t just about the people, it was about the online presence. The amount of possibility and creativity the social network had to offer.

Here’s things you’ll only remember if you were a Tumblr addict

1. Every username had a number in it

Because it made you look quirky, and individual. Even though literally everyone else had it.

2. Minimalistic was your thing

There was nothing worse than seeing somebody with an over-colourful theme. Ew.

3. And you’d spend hours searching for the ‘right’ theme.

Because it needed to handle your pictures equally, while also having a simple yet effective feel.

4. And occasionally you’d edit the HTML, and claim you could make themes.

5. You’d never admit to… Read the full story

Dad jokes: 14 classic examples of the art form

October 19, 2015, 5:13 am

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Picture: Brad Greenlee/Flickr/Reddit

What exactly is a ‘dad joke’? What differentiates it from a common-or-garden ‘joke’? Is any joke told by a male parent automatically a ‘dad joke’, or does it only apply when the joke is particularly rubbish?

While the precise definition of the ‘dad joke’ may be elusive, a dad joke, like pornography, is something we know when we see it.

In the last few days, Reddit users have been responding to a call out from by Kiitchh asking for people to share their best dad jokes.

Here are a few of our favourite responses.

 

Read the full story

16 cringeworthy sex stories that will scare you away from the bedroom

October 19, 2015, 5:47 am

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Sure, sex is meant to be this insanely hot and fun activity.

But no matter how experienced you are, or how well you know your partner, really awkward situations arise a lot in the bedroom.

People on Whisper have been sharing some of their extremely cringeworthy sex stories, from people (and pets) walking in at the most inopportune moments, to screaming the wrong name in the heat of the moment.

Read on at your own peril: you may wish to never have sex again.

1. He tried to pull me on top but accidentally threw me half way across the room. After the shock wore off we carried on. 

2. His finger slipped and his nail cut me so badly… Read the full story

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12 reasons why girls don’t want your dick pics

October 19, 2015, 5:48 am

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Questions to which the answer is no: ‘Hmm, should I send this picture of my penis over, even though I’ve never spoken to this person before?’

And why is it that suddenly some guys think that yes, girls will definitely prefer this picture of your balls over a nice meal out.

It’s bad enough that we’ve all resorted to Tinder as an easy way to hook up, let alone actually losing out on a possibly nice conversation, because you’ve spent the time you could’ve been typing out ‘you look beautiful’ to get the best-angled picture of your manhood.

Here are 12 reasons girls don’t appreciate your dick pics.

1. It makes us see you in a different light

Seriously, it completely changes our perception of you. Unless we’ve asked for it, an unsolicited dick pic is never okay. It makes us feel awkward and therefore makes us feel awkward around you. There’s no way we’ll be looking… Read the full story

10 comments people with Crohn’s Disease or Ulcerative Colitis are tired of hearing

October 19, 2015, 6:47 am

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It’s hard enough living with either Crohn’s Disease or Ulcerated Colitis as it is, without unnecessary comments from people who don’t understand.

Both diseases are forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD) which are both incurable and can result in major surgery.

The worst thing about both diseases is that you may not be able to tell a sufferer by the odd glance. And therefore a lot of the effects are unknown to anyone who has not experienced the same symptoms.

And sometimes those who do not understand, can be quite unsympathetic.

Here are comments people with Crohn’s disease or ulcerative colitis are tired of hearing:

1. ‘Isn’t it just like a sickness bug?’

If you count a sickness bug as an incurable life time of medication, vomiting, diarrhea,… Read the full story

Dad writes epic notes to explain why his kids are always late

October 19, 2015, 6:55 am

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Long-suffering dad-of-five Seth King got so fed up explaining why his kids were, despite his best efforts, regularly late to school that he decided to teach them a lesson.

Every week, he was finding himself writing late notes for his tardy offspring – Isabella,15, Carson, 13, Sophia, 10, Nolan, 6, and Liam, 3 – because they either slept in or took too long to get ready.

So, to alleviate his boredom and shame his own children at the same time, he decided to get creative. Very creative.

‘I was getting bored with writing the same old excuse note, and it got to a point where I also wanted my kids to understand the shame they should be feeling for being tardy and putting on-time attendance… Read the full story

13 things not to say to someone who is depressed

October 19, 2015, 7:18 am

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We’ve all been there. We’ve all had it. OK, not ALL of us. But, according to research from the Mental Health Foundation, 1 in 5 people in the UK suffers from depression.

Look around.

You’ve probably got more than four friends. That means that, even if you’re not aware of it, it’s highly likely that you’ll know someone who has suffered, is suffering or will suffer from this mental health condition.

So, when it comes to wise words of support, here’s 13 things to avoid…

1. Buck up

Why didn’t I think of that? Because there’s nothing more helpful than being told to cheer up when you’re having thoughts about killing yourself.

2. Do you… Read the full story

16 things only people who get distracted easily will understand

October 19, 2015, 7:20 am

≫ Next: 18 things that happen at every Carnage

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Do shiny things rule your life?

Do you ever annoy people by your inability to hold a conversation for longer than five minutes?

If so, you may just have distraction issues.

Now, where did I leave my phone…

1. You always forget to text back.

Even though you’re sure you did.

2. You go into a room and forget why you went in there.

Then get distracted by something else, and forget another thing and repeat.

3. You have to re-read sentences, paragraphs and even words over and over because things keep getting in the way of it sticking.

You probably had to read this sentence more than once as well.

4. You have left the house without… Read the full story

18 things that happen at every Carnage

October 19, 2015, 8:14 am

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Mobs of drunken students in identical T-shirts, girls crying in the street and the livers of freshers under assault

It can only mean one thing: Carnage season has begun.

This rite of passage for students is a night where a £10 T-shirt gives you free entry into a tonne of… Read the full story

There’s a Frozen-themed plane – stop the world, we want to get off

October 19, 2015, 8:26 am

≫ Next: 14 confessions revealing what really happens on a wedding night

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Seriously people, just Let. It. Go.

Canadian airline WestJet has teamed up with Disney to launch its Frozen-themed Boeing 737, which has had the full stardust treatment inside and out. And we want out.

The airline promises a selection of on-demand Disney videos as part of the in-flight experience.

But we dread to think what else makes up that in-flight experience. Let It Go playing across the tannoy 24/7? Glitter in your G&T? Minus temperatures in the cabin?

The plane itself is splashed head to toe in Disney. ‘On the tail… Read the full story

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14 confessions revealing what really happens on a wedding night

October 19, 2015, 9:08 am

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If you haven’t yet got married, you might still think of the wedding night as the romantic climax of the most important day of your life.

But those who’ve actually said their vows know it’s less about consummating the marriage and more about finding a place to pass out.

In fact, 67 per cent of British couples don’t have sex on their wedding night at all.

From stuffing their face with cheese to playing video games, people on Whisper have shared what they really got up to once the guests left.

1. I passed out in lingerie while he was getting ready for bed.

2. Got drunk, trashed my wedding dressing in the ocean, got back to the hotel room, had sex once and passed out.

3. We played Mario Kart Wii all night.

4. Smoked weed, watched the Simpsons movie, had drunk but determined sex.

Read the full story

Hoping for a boyfriend this Christmas? Here’s why you don’t need one

October 19, 2015, 9:42 am

≫ Next: Grown men awkwardly try to explain women’s sex toys and fail brilliantly

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It’s getting to that time of year where all you want to do is curl up on the sofa with a bunch of movies, hot chocolate and somebody.

Even though it was just two months ago that you were preparing for a night out with your friends, claiming you wanted to be single forever.

It’s otherwise known as Cuffing Season. Sound familiar to you?

Why is it that as soon as the cold weather approaches, the independent woman who don’t need no man inside of her suddenly shrivels up into someone who just wants to be loved. And warm. So, so warm.

But, it’s important to remember what you want and who you are without being inflicted by the weather updates (it’s going to be cold).

You should stick to your guns and wait out the winter to see how your mind changes when the season is (finally) over.

Here’s why you don’t… Read the full story

Grown men awkwardly try to explain women’s sex toys and fail brilliantly

October 19, 2015, 10:26 am

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The same Irish guys who tried to watch childbirth have now attempted to explain women’s sex toys.

And they get very awkward about the whole thing.

It’s the ‘Flicker’ toy that poses the greatest challenge to decipher: is it a whisk? Is it really the propeller of a toy boat?

Nope, it’s a vibrator that simulates the feeling of a ‘damn good licking.’

But it’s not just the sex toys that faze them. It’s the female anatomy itself that’s all a bit much for some of the fellas.

One man can barely bring himself to say the word ‘clitoris’ and seems a bit relieved that ladies know how to get themselves off.

‘If they can… Read the full story

Lord of the Rings fans are going crazy for this ‘sexy Gandalf’ costume

October 19, 2015, 11:49 pm

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Maybe it’s the fishnets, maybe it’s just the attitude, most probably it’s the beard, but this sexy Gandalf costume has got the internet in a fluster.

Eighteen-year-old Melbourne student Tjitske Van Vark recently transformed herself into [50 Shades of] Gandalf the Grey for her school Muck Up day and later posted pics of the costume on Tumblr, causing a bit of a stir.

She wrote: ‘Our last day of school involved dressing up and I took it upon myself to be the sexiest one there.’

Read the full story

13 struggles only cat owners will understand

October 20, 2015, 12:37 am

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Some pets are known for being cute and loving, some are known for their sassy attitude.

The majestic cat is known for both – and we can’t help but fall in love with them.

If you own a cat (or more truthfully are owned by a cat) you will understand how true these struggles are:

1. Getting any sleep is a luxury

Managing to get any sleep at all with a cat in the house is a reward of its own.

Midnight cat-wake-up-calls, random acts of snuggling and running around for absolutely no reason at all at 3am are not an aid for sleep.

2. …and yet cats sleep for 90% of the day, on everything and anything that isn’t theirs

Cats have this… Read the full story