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Man’s joke about selling his girlfriend on Ebay backfires when she gets bids of £70,200

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PIC FROM Kennedy News and Media (PICTURED: KELLY GREAVES AND HER BOYFRIEND DALE LEEKS) A cheeky dad listed his girlfriend for sale on eBay with the condition as 'showing signs of wear' in revenge over a prank - only for her to rocket up to ??70,200. Dale Leeks, 34, had been horsing around with partner Kelly Greaves, 37, in a riding shop when she whipped him across the bum, wounding his pride - and his rump. To get his own back, Dale, from Colchester, Essex, created a hilarious listing on the online auction site in which he listed poor Kelly's condition as 'for parts or not working'. SEE KENNEDY NEWS COPY - 0161 697 4266
Dale listed Kelly on Ebay as revenge for her injuring his bum (Picture: Kennedy News and Media)

Ah, the good old ‘selling your annoying partner on Ebay’ prank.

When will people learn that it always backfires?

Dale Leeks decided to list his girlfriend, Kelly Greaves, on Ebay in an act of revenge, after she whipped him across the bum in a riding shop.

He created a listing designed to sting, describing her condition as ‘for parts or not working’ and saying there was a ‘constant whining noise’.

Treating Kelly as a used car, Dale described her bodywork as ‘fairly tidy but close up shows signs of wear’, and wrote that ‘the rear end leaks a bit but nothing that can’t be plugged.’

‘No serious damage but you can see she’s been used,’ he added.

All in all, a mean joke angled firmly at Kelly’s expense. But the prank backfired a bit when Kelly started raking in the bids.

PIC FROM Kennedy News and Media (PICTURED: DALE LEEKS' EBAY LISTING FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND KELLY GREAVES) A cheeky dad listed his girlfriend for sale on eBay with the condition as 'showing signs of wear' in revenge over a prank - only for her to rocket up to ?70,200. Dale Leeks, 34, had been horsing around with partner Kelly Greaves, 37, in a riding shop when she whipped him across the bum, wounding his pride - and his rump. To get his own back, Dale, from Colchester, Essex, created a hilarious listing on the online auction site in which he listed poor Kelly's condition as 'for parts or not working'. SEE KENNEDY NEWS COPY - 0161 697 4266
She quickly racked up bids of £70,200 (Picture: Kennedy News and Media)

Within 24 hours the listing had been viewed 81,000 times, and had received 100 bids to reach £70,200.

Dale received hundreds of messages from interested buyers asking if they could take Kelly for a test drive.

‘I’m fairly interested in putting a bid in,’ wrote one bidder. ‘Can you tell me how many previous owners she has had? Also, what’s her service history like?’

Another asked: ‘Does she smoke when she’s being revved hard?’

Sadly, Kelly didn’t get to take the money and use it to enact revenge on her partner, as one day in the listing was removed by Ebay as the sale of ‘human body parts and remains’ are not allowed on the site.

PIC FROM Kennedy News and Media (PICTURED: MESSAGES FROM EBAY USERS TO DALE LEEKS ABOUT HIS LISTING FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND KELLY GREAVES) A cheeky dad listed his girlfriend for sale on eBay with the condition as 'showing signs of wear' in revenge over a prank - only for her to rocket up to ??70,200. Dale Leeks, 34, had been horsing around with partner Kelly Greaves, 37, in a riding shop when she whipped him across the bum, wounding his pride - and his rump. To get his own back, Dale, from Colchester, Essex, created a hilarious listing on the online auction site in which he listed poor Kelly's condition as 'for parts or not working'. SEE KENNEDY NEWS COPY - 0161 697 4266
Dale received hundreds of messages from interested buyers (Picture: Kennedy News and Media)

Dale took great joy in the entire thing, and, thankfully, Kelly was able to laugh at it too.

‘After I put it on eBay I just kept laughing about it and she asked what I was laughing about,’ says Dale.

‘I told her I’d put her up for sale on eBay and was like “gotcha”.

‘At first she thought no one would see it and thought it didn’t matter.

‘But we went out for dinner that evening and I was being bombarded by messages from all over Europe, and places as far away as America and Australia.

‘I kept looking over the table at her but I wasn’t really telling her the scale it had gone.

‘The first few bids and messages on eBay were from friends who had seen that I’d done it and gone and bid on her.
“But from there it just majorly spiralled out of control. The bids started going mad.

PIC FROM Kennedy News and Media (PICTURED: EBAY'S EMAIL TO DALE LEEKS EXPLAINING WHY THEY REMOVED HIS LISTING FOR HIS GIRLFRIEND KELLY GREAVES) A cheeky dad listed his girlfriend for sale on eBay with the condition as 'showing signs of wear' in revenge over a prank - only for her to rocket up to ??70,200. Dale Leeks, 34, had been horsing around with partner Kelly Greaves, 37, in a riding shop when she whipped him across the bum, wounding his pride - and his rump. To get his own back, Dale, from Colchester, Essex, created a hilarious listing on the online auction site in which he listed poor Kelly's condition as 'for parts or not working'. SEE KENNEDY NEWS COPY - 0161 697 4266
But the listing was removed by Ebay for breaking rules about the sale of body parts (Picture: Kennedy News and Media)

‘I was like “wow, what have I done?”.

‘Kelly turned round and said to me “so what price would you actually have sold me for? Would you have been upset if someone actually bought me?”

‘I said I would have been upset but I would have been crying in either a Lamborghini or a Ferrari, which makes it a whole lot better.

‘She was less impressed that I had done it at first. But as it went along she said she wondered how much she was going to go for and said she was actually quite happy that I was selling her.

‘She said if the new owner had that kind of money then she was going to have a better quality of life. So it could have backfired.

‘Something I should say is I wouldn’t sell her and love her to bits.’

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Walkers announces launch of crisp packet recycling scheme

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Walkers launches crisp packet recycling scheme
(Picture: GETTY/Walkers)

Protests work, even if they do royally p*ss off the postman.

After environmental campaigners clogged up postboxes by sending their crisps packets to Walkers, the crisp manufacturer has announced the UK’s first nationwide recycling scheme for crisp packets.

In case you missed it, people were sending Walkers their old crisp bags because they couldn’t be easily recycled.

Walkers said they would be using recyclable packaging by 2025, but campaigners said too much damage would be done in the seven-year wait. So they decided to draw attention to the issue by sticking Walkers’ freepost labels to empty packets and sending them back.

Now, Walkers has announced the launch of a nationwide recycling scheme for their packaging. See? Told you protests work.

The new scheme will encourage customers to drop off their packets at public access collection points, or post them for free in an envelope addressed directly to TerraCycle.

The packets will be collected, cleaned, shredded, and turned into small plastic pellets which will then be used to make useful plastic items, such as benches and fence posts. Smart.

The scheme won’t only be open to Walkers packets, so don’t worry if you’re an environmentalist with a passion for Kettle Chips. The recycling programme has been made with recycling company TerraCyle, so all crisp packets will be accepted.

There’ll be a short wait before we can all enjoy those little potato bites without the guilt of wrecking the plant. The recycling scheme will be up and running from December 2018, and all the details of collection point locations will be announced closer to the time.

Walkers is still planning to make its packaging 100% recyclable, compostable, or biodegradable by 2025, but this scheme will help in the meantime.

Ian Ellington, general manager of PepsiCo UK said: ‘We share people’s concerns about the amount of plastic in our environment and are working on a number of both short and long-term solutions to reduce the impact of our packaging.

‘Our new Walkers recycling initiative starts to tackle this issue right now by repurposing used crisp packets to create everyday items such as plant pots and benches.

‘We hope people will embrace this idea and join us in ensuring crisp packets are recycled.

‘We’re determined to crack this in the long term and have a number of initiatives underway to create the right materials and environment for the crisp packets of the future.”

Laure Cucuron, general manager at TerraCycle Europe added: ‘We’re delighted to be working with Walkers to launch the UK’s first nationwide recycling scheme for crisp packets.

‘We hope other snacks manufacturers will follow suit, by investing in new ways to reduce the amount of packaging that goes to landfill and incineration.’

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Too hot to date: Is online dating harder for good-looking men?

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Mobile phone dating apps in love with each other
(Picture: Erin Aniker for Metro.co.uk)

Dating when you’re a hot 10/10 bloke can be hard.

It may not sound like the most tear-jerking plight but research from Oxford University has found that men who consider themselves a 10/10 receive fewer messages than men who view themselves as an average-looking 5/10.

Michael Sullivan, a 27-year-old business development manager from Greenwich who sees himself a perfect ten, ‘or close’, has struggled with online dating.

‘I get attention from women in real life, but hardly anything online,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.

‘I think sometimes women think that because you’re attractive you won’t be interested in them. They prefer to go for guys they see as a safer bet.

Michael believes the issue is common due to a widespread problem among women of insecurity and poor self-image.

‘I think a lot of women are insecure these days, because there’s so much pressure from social media to look good and be perfect. Women don’t feel confident enough to message good-looking guys.

‘Sometimes online dating feels hopeless,’ Michael added. ‘It feels like no one will give you a chance.’

The Oxford University findings came from analysis of the habits of more than 150,000 straight daters over a ten-year period on dating site, Eharmony. Coming to a similar conclusion as Michael, lead researcher, Taha Yasseri, professor of Computational Social Science, believes that women feel intimidated by men they view as extremely good-looking.

He said: ‘They might think that they have little chance in relation to those people compared to someone who is good looking but not 10/10.

‘It also has to do with the self-esteem of the person who is checking the profile. They might think, “I am not that good looking and if I take someone who is much better than me, I might have issues, I might be worried about the faithfulness of my partner”.’

Urszula Makowska, a 24-year-old blogger from New York, has used Tinder and Bumble and admits she is put off when a guy is a 10/10.

Urszula Makowska is wary of very attractive men online (Picture: Urszula Makowska)

She tells us: ‘If he is a 10/10, I tend to not show interest because I assume he is too good for me and that he is too perfect. I get worried that this person might be too cocky or too much into themselves or might have the wrong intentions.

‘My automatic thoughts are “wow! He is a great looking guy”, but then I come to a conclusion that he is too perfect and I get worried he might be too much into himself or that he may have the wrong intentions. I also worry he may be just another catfish and I lose interest.’

Amy Sutton, a PR professional from Odiham, tried all the apps before finding her partner and said she had similar feelings when she saw a profile of a perfect ten.

She said: ‘I’d probably not message or add a really good-looking guy. I’d assume they were probably inundated with messages and out of my league or that they might be arrogant.’

When swiping right, Amy says she was attracted to ‘humour and warmth’ rather than traditional good looks.

‘They would have to look natural and happy with themselves,’ she explained. ‘Not posing or trying too hard. Humour and warmth are essential. Nothing worse than someone who uses a profile as a gallery of their abs or showing how “cool” they are.’

Average guys may seem more approachable to women like Urszula and Amy, but not all attractive guys feel the odds are stacked against them in online dating.

Max, a 24-year-old account manager from Croydon told us: ‘I don’t think it has any effect at all if I’m honest with you, we live in age where people are pretty switched on that no one is going to look 100% like their pictures. Plus women in 2018, I think are past looks.

‘Don’t get me wrong everyone loves an absolute weapon but you can’t just be a gravitational puller that expects people to flock to you, especially online. You need substance to get anywhere.

‘I have three sisters though, so on top of looks it’s always good to have an idea of what women might want to hear.’

Not all guys who consider themselves average-looking feel that online dating works in their favour.

Max Adamski is the co-founder of new dating app JigTalk – an app he was inspired to create because he felt disadvantaged in the dating game due to his looks, which he considers average.

Max Ademski, co-founder of JigTalk, created a dating app that focuses less on looks and more on personality (Picture: Max Ademski)

When two people match on the app, which is designed to build connections based more on personality than appearance, each person’s face is covered in jigsaw pieces, and as the pair talk, the jigsaw pieces disappear to reveal the face underneath.

Max said: ‘I was using Tinder, and, like many friends of mine, I was ruthlessly disposed of due to face value on countless occasions.

‘A lot of time invested – very few matches, zero dates. The vast majority of women on Tinder will no doubt find that every time they swipe right, they get a match, which then makes them overly picky to avoid the congestion of their matches list.

‘Too many guys swipe yes, yes, yes without looking.’

Max may have created his app to reinforce the message that it’s ‘what’s on the inside that counts’, but if the research of Oxford University is anything to go by, such a sentiment may benefit all, from the average to the very good-looking. Maybe it’s time we all stop judging a book by its cover.

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What it’s like to try to stay sober when you work in a bar

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Nearly half of us don't know what 'responsible' drinking is getty
(Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)

Anxieties around booze aren’t restricted to any one group.

That’s one of the drug’s awful democratic ironies. It doesn’t really matter what profession or economic bracket you belong to: worries over consumption levels and its effects aren’t something to be neatly packaged or quantified.

We know we have a problem, nationally. That’s why yearly initiatives exist to entreat us to stop drinking, in the name of charity or personal pride.

Dry January is perhaps the most famous, but now we’re in the midst of the NHS backed Go Sober For October in conjunction with Macmillan Cancer Research.

For many, it’s a chance to indulge in temporary abstinence in the name of a good cause. To help lose some of the beer induced fat, or save some of the cash poured into the pub on a weekly basis.

For most casual drinkers, concerned that those post-work glasses of wine might be happening one night of the week too many, it’s an achievable effort of will. A small, albeit temporary, victory of control.

One group that are seldom considered when these conversations occur are the people that staff the pubs, restaurants and venues that we all rely on for our socially acceptable drinking.

What are the challenges for those that are, or want to achieve, sobriety in an environment where everything is screaming its opposite?

There has been academic work on the subject. Unsurprisingly, rates of alcohol use among those in the hospitality industry are high, compared to the average, as are those for use of illicit drugs. It’s exhausting labour, often accompanied by unsociable hours, with different workplace norms from the frigid overlit glare of the typical corporate office.

That means different standards of judgement too, as 26-year-old London based barman Jim* explains to Metro.co.uk.

(Picture: Ella Byworth/ Getty)

‘[One of] the problems is there’s very little stigma to turning up to work half-cut, hungover, or not having been to sleep,’ says Jim. ‘You can cheerfully announce to your colleagues “I have an awful comedown today’ and no one bats an eyelid.

‘So you don’t really have that social shame as an incitement not to get wrecked either at work or the day before’.

There are also the obvious inducements. It varies from pub to pub, but Jim’s current place of work allows him to ‘drink as much fancy premium stuff as I want all the time, so the temptation is really strong.’

This summer, during the citywide heatwave mania, something twigged. For health reasons, Jim decided it was time to stop drinking, at least temporarily. But what he calls ‘non-malicious peer pressure’ helped to scupper his best-laid plans.

‘My stomach was in a bad state, so it was quite a serious attempt to quit. But even upon explaining that folk were kind of like “well why not just have something light like a rum and apple juice?”‘

It’s something echoed by Nye, who has years of experience in the industry. While no one has ever mistaken him ‘for a member of the temperance movement’, he’s still attuned to just how easy it is to normalise what would seem ‘excessive’ drinking in almost any other context.

The physical stress of the job is a key factor, he explains, ‘plus the fact that the hours don’t suit normal drinking times means you might start drinking at one, or two, or three in the morning.

‘Plus, you’re coming into contact with hardcore drinkers so it’s ridiculously easy to justify putting away a bottle of wine a night cos you serve the same faces the same, or a gallon of lager’.

There are always ways to justify hitting the booze. ‘I’ve always been of the drink your mistakes school,’ Nye tells us. ‘Particularly when I worked at busy drinkers pubs during the footy or whatever’.

(Picture: MylesGoode)

‘[It] just meant you always had enough of a buzz to be able to cope. And then at nightclubs it was drunk people buying you shots to drink with them – which I could even justify to management as “creating a party atmosphere for the clientele”.’

It’s something that chimes with my own experience. From university and for several years beyond, I would work up to full-time hours in every conceivable variety of pub, from venerable old man boozers to ‘trendy’ flea pit bars.

We would drink on shift as part of an unspoken camaraderie, often to what I suppose you should call excess. It was fun, until it wasn’t. It was encouraged by management who were only too happy to see their staff projecting something resembling a good time.

There were a small number for whom it turned into a ‘problem’ and had to leave of their own volition as a result. It’s a weird euphemism. We tend to think of alcoholism as something extreme, which it often can be, with dysfunction and chronic illness a kind of flat fee written into the small print.

How do you say no, to booze and other temptations, when you physically can’t escape it?

‘It’s that culture of “just have one”, which obviously, if you have an addiction to something issues it doesn’t take much persuading,’ continues Jim.

‘Obviously, it’s not a unique dynamic – but it’s still quite f***ed up when it happens in your workplace. It’s a really obvious point but trying to stop taking something you’re addicted to in an environment where it’s available in abundance, is pretty difficult to sustain.’

It’s no secret that other illicit drugs play a prominent role. Again, it’s not difficult to justify. Exhaustion, long hours, the physical labour involved, low wages and double shifts. Statistics by the United States Department of Health and Human Services indicate that 17% of restaurant workers use illicit drugs. It’s difficult to find comparable figures for the UK, but other work has shown a similar rate throughout Europe.

The odd line or bump doesn’t take much to spiral. Jim relates the story of a friend who had to quit a recent role for her own wellbeing because ‘the coke culture there was so deranged’.

It makes me think of a prior colleague of my own, *Ross, a shift manager at a student bar I worked in at university. His own workplace usage rapidly became something not just unconfined to a backbreaking double shift, but a habit that culminated in heavy debt and Narcotics Anonymous. The only way he could see out was to leave the industry entirely.

There are obviously many in the hospitality world that don’t develop addictions or ‘problem’ relationships to substances. But it seems equally obvious that for those that do, there are far more forgiving worlds to try to wrench back control.

*Names have been changed.

Signs of alcohol dependence

  1. Worrying about where your next drink is coming from and planning social, family and work events around alcohol.
  2. Finding you have a compulsive need to drink and finding it hard to stop once you start.
  3. Waking up and drinking – or feeling the need to have a drink in the morning.
  4. Suffering from withdrawal symptoms, such as sweating, shaking and nausea, which stop once you drink alcohol.

How to get help:

If you’re concerned about your alcohol consumption, there are sources of support available.

Try Drinkchat or Drinkline where you can talk to a professional trained in supporting alcoholics, or call the Alcoholics Anonymous helpline on 0800 9177 650,

You can also chat to the Samaritans about your mental wellbeing on 116 123.

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Teacher explains consent with a simple chart

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Instagram @teachandtransform
(Picture: @teachandtransform)

Consent really isn’t a complicated concept.

But apparently it still needs explaining.

Leading the way is Liz Kleinrock, a teacher working in Los Angeles. In light of the current conversation about Kavanaugh, she decided to teach her class, aged eight and nine, about the basics of consent.

She did so with an easy-to-understand chart, showing just how simple it is to teach people how to respect others’s bodies and boundaries early on.

‘What does it mean to give consent?’ asks the chart, explaining that giving consent means giving ‘positive and enthusiastic’ permission.

The chart gives examples of when children would need to ask for consent, such as giving hugs, borrowing things, touching another person, kissing, sharing, and telling secrets.

Liz goes on to explain that consent can be withdrawn, and that it must be expressed verbally and through nonverbal cues. She then gives examples of what a child can say when they do not give consent.

Instagram @teachandtransform
(Picture: @teachandtransform)

Simple, right?

‘I think whenever I tend to look at things spiraling in society, particularly political events that are going on, I like to think about what kind of foundational skills should have been in place earlier to prevent these things from happening,’ Liz told HuffPost.

The teacher checked her students understood the lesson by giving them a writing challenge exploring consent.

Their responses show that they’ve taken the message to heart.

Instagram Photo

Liz’s chart has been shared thousands of times, and has been flooded with comments thanking the teacher for making consent education a priority.

If eight-year-olds can understand it, we all can.

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Dog meets friend who looks just like her, convinces owner to bring him home

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Dog meets twin, convinces family to adopt him.
Rogue and Beast look identical (Picture: Bethany Coleman)

We all know that when it comes to pets, we’re not in charge.

We are their feeders and servants, pretending we have control but knowing that the second our pet gives us those puppy dog eyes we will melt and give them whatever they want.

Bethany Coleman knows this well.

She didn’t choose to adopt a second dog – her first dog, Rogue made that decision for her.

Bethany was out for a walk when her dog, Rogue, noticed her twin. Not her actual twin, to be clear, but a dog that looked just like Rogue.

That dog’s name was Beast. He’d been hanging out in at the local farmers market with Last Hope K9 Rescue, along with other dogs looking for adoption.

Dog meets twin, convinces family to adopt him.
It was love at first site (Picture: Bethany Coleman)

The moment Rogue’s eyes landed on Beast, she was in love – and when Bethany saw the similarities, she knew she had no choice but to bring Beast home.

‘Tyson, my boyfriend aka the dad, really wanted another dog but I was so against the idea,’ Bethany told BoredPanda. ‘WE already had two senior cats that I brought into the relationship and our puppy Rogue.

‘I was not about to add one more animal to the mix.’

But while Bethany wasn’t thinking of getting another pet, Rogue had different plans. It was love at first sight, and Beast had to join the family.

Dog meets twin, convinces family to adopt him.
Caption: Dog meets twin, convinces family to adopt him.

‘He was Rogue’s twin,’ said Bethany. ‘They also got along and immediately started playing with one another. So right then and there I started filling out the paperwork.’

A few months later and the matching pups have settled into their home. They’re best friends and couldn’t be happier. The same goes for Bethany.

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Dear men: Please stop using these photos on dating apps

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metro illustrations
Stop this madness (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Dear Men of Online Dating Apps,

I recently returned to the fold after a four month vacay during which I crashed and burned a budding relationship until its charred remains resembled the detritus at the back of my oven.

But enough about my failings, this is about you.

Newly single and back on the app, I’m experiencing deja vu as I find myself scrolling past the same faces I saw last time I was husband hunting. I mean dating. Whatever.

What are you all still doing here? Why are you all still single? Well actually, I can tell you.

And I am doing this out of kindness, because you’re probably nice men, but you’re shit at using a dating app, so starting with your photos, here’s what you’re doing wrong:

Manspreading in Lycra shorts

Guys, no one wants a preview of your ballsack bound in snug, shiny fabric. Frankly, I don’t want to see you in Lycra from any angle (sorry cyclists) but sitting with your knees apart at 160 degrees is especially unsavoury.

Are you aware that manspreading is about as popular as getting dog poo on your shoe? There’s an odds-on chance that if you do this on the tube, you’ll be photographed and publicly shamed, and everyone on Twitter will hate you.

If you have persuaded a lovely woman to date you, she’ll be embarrassed that she’s seeing The Spreader.

One of the guys exhibiting his meat and two veg on an app has a senior position at a well-known bank. I know this because he’s put his job title and the company he works for in his bio.

Mate, people you work with can see your junk. You’re potentially sabotaging not only your love life, but also your career, so delete the Lycra encased genital displays.

Marathon mugshots

Once I’ve fallen for you, I will look lovingly at your sweaty pink face and arms that haven’t seen enough of the gym – and I shall believe you’re the most handsome man in the world.

But we’re talking first impressions here, and at this stage, I am not wildly drawn to doughy bodies with shiny skin the shade of Spam.

We don’t all photograph well, and that’s ok – you’re not applying for a modelling job. But for the love of God, unless you’re Vin Diesel doing something testosterone fuelled beneath the bonnet of a car, don’t upload any pictures where you’re sweating in a sleeveless top.

In other words: no Marathon photos.

Post pictures where you’re wearing a lovely cashmere Boyfriend Jumper, or a well ironed shirt, with the sleeves rolled up and f*** yeah, I’ll want to undo the rest of the buttons myself. But do not, I repeat DO NOT, post pictures of yourself perspiring in a vest.

metro illustrations
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)

Pectoral posturing

Look guys, seriously, can you please keep your clothes on? Some of you are fit, yes. You could probably model underpants, or iron things on your abs. Well done.

The thing is, I don’t want to see you naked unless I like you. And if I like you, it really doesn’t matter if you have a torso that sells pants – I’d rather have a boyfriend who isn’t in the gym every night anyway.

And yeah, we all go to the beach, so I can possibly excuse one shot where you’re emerging from the sea a la Daniel Craig, but if you’ve posted seven selfies in changing room mirrors, with a towel wrapped around your waist, as you visibly strain to tense your pectorals then you need to reassess your profile pictures.

FYI tensing your pecs looks weird.

Fancy dress disasters

What is with the green curly wigs, The Joker face paint and the jail bird stripy lounge suits? These photos might have got the thumbs up on Facebook from fellow stag-do funsters tanked up on Jagermeister, but this is a dating app and I want to know how you’d look if I took you to a wedding as my plus-one.

I need your photos to reflect your wardrobe, so I can be bloody certain you don’t own anything objectionable, like a short sleeved shirt, that could cause my vagina to weld itself shut.

metro graphics
(Picture: Shutterstock/ Ella Byworth)

Memes, sports cars and stallions in lieu of you

You may feel you’re well represented by pictures of a white, sandy Bajan beach, and a meme about some bollocks, but I’m not merging my genes with a few grains of sand, or a Lamborghini.

I need to see what you look like so I know whether I want to make babies with you. My biological instincts to reproduce are not triggered by snapshots of the Grand Canyon so post a picture of your face.

If you’re worried about your colleagues knowing you’re online dating, rest assured they’re doing it too.

Perfect pictures… but no bio

Ok, so you’re in a dark blue Saville Row suit, with a white Turnbull & Asser Herringbone Sea Island shirt, sitting on a Chesterfield sofa, drinking an Old Fashioned from a lead crystal tumbler. But you don’t have a bio.

Guys, it doesn’t matter how good your photos are (and usually they’re not that good) if you can’t be bothered to write a bio. I’m not sure how hot you think you are, but a profile without a bio is like you’re saying, ‘have you seen me? No words needed!’

No mate, you’re not David Gandy. You’re not even David Brent. Write something.

I hope this helps! I’ll look forward to seeing far better photos.

Besos,

Samantha x

P.S. pictures with your arm around an attractive woman won’t make attractive women want you. Avoid.

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Couple get a lift to their wedding reception in a police car after their car breaks down

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This calamity wedding couple made an unusual entrance following a breakdown on the way to their wedding reception - when they showed up in a POLICE CAR. See SWNS story SWLEwedding. Sian and Josh Chapman's chauffeur-driven 80-year-old Austin Healey conked-out shortly after they tied the knot on Saturday (Sept 29). However a police patrol car which happened to be passing in the opposite direction as they stood at the side of the road and blue-lighted them to their venue. Sian, 26, and Josh, 28, made it to the reception just 25 minutes late after they were married at North Hykeham, Lincs.
(Picture: Gemma King / SWNS.com)

Sian and Josh Chapman made an unexpected arrival at their wedding reception, turning up in a police car.

No, they weren’t in any trouble. Their car had broken down on the way to the venue, and the couple were lucky enough to be picked up by a police patrol car passing by.

Sian and Josh made it to the reception just 25 minutes later than planned after they tied the knot at North Hykeham.

Their tardiness did make the guests worry a bit, but they were all impressed when the married couple rocked up in a police car, sirens blaring.

This calamity wedding couple made an unusual entrance following a breakdown on the way to their wedding reception - when they showed up in a POLICE CAR. See SWNS story SWLEwedding. Sian and Josh Chapman's chauffeur-driven 80-year-old Austin Healey conked-out shortly after they tied the knot on Saturday (Sept 29). However a police patrol car which happened to be passing in the opposite direction as they stood at the side of the road and blue-lighted them to their venue. Sian, 26, and Josh, 28, made it to the reception just 25 minutes late after they were married at North Hykeham, Lincs.
(Picture: Gemma King / SWNS.com)

‘I was a bit concerned while waiting for them because they were 20 minutes late,’ said Sian’s mum Sue King.

‘Then I heard sirens and thought there must have been an accident somewhere but when we saw them in the police car a few people thought it must be a prank.

‘We were thrilled that the police car happened to be passing – I think Sian and Josh were absolutely gobsmacked really.

‘Everybody was saying oh wow – that you’ll never forget.

‘It puts the police in a nice light too – they do get criticised a lot.’

Sian and Josh are now enjoying a three week honeymoon around the U.S., stopping in Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Yosemite National Park. Here’s hoping they won’t find themselves in a police car again.

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Doctors could see patients in groups of 15 under new plans to tackle GP shortage

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Trying to book a doctor’s appointment can be a bit of a struggle.

But now the Royal College of GPs (RCGP) has revealed they are trialling a new system that will make the process easier – by encouraging certain patients to partake in mass appointments.

Sufferers of long-term conditions such as diabetes, asthma or arthritis will be invited to group appointments with up to 14 other people.

The doctor will see you all now Getty Images
Patients with long-term conditions will be asked 
Getty Images

The sessions aim to cutback GP surgeries’ heavy workloads, where one in seven family doctor posts remain empty and vacancy rates are soaring.

Patients will speak to admin staff or healthcare assistants in the two hour appointments, while a GP will attend for an hour to discuss tests and treatments.

Those involved in the group will be asked to sign confidentiality waivers to ensure they do not discuss the personal details of anyone else in the room.

thumbnail for post ID 8011848Mum posed as buyer to steal her own bike back after finding it on Gumtree

‘It is essential that any patient data is treated securely, confidentially and responsibly – and if patients consent to it being used, that they are completely clear what it may be used for,’ Chairman of the RCGP Professor Helen Stokes-Lampard said.

She continued: ‘Some patients have even said they have benefited from the support they receive from their fellow patients, in addition to the care they receive from their GP.

‘However, this approach will not work for everyone and GPs will know what best suits their patients and practices – and there is no pressure on patients to participate if they would prefer to continue seeing their GP in a one-to-one consultation.’

The group sessions are currently on trial in London, Manchester, Sheffield and Newcastle and will be rolled out across the country later in the year as part of a new ten-year plan for the NHS.

The doctor will see you all now Getty Images
The doctor will see you all now
Getty Images

At present, most patients with long-term conditions book individual appointments.

Joyce Robins from the campaign group Patient Concern called the group appointments a ‘ghastly idea’ and highlighted the personal nature of most patients’ conversations with GPs.

‘GP appointments are supposed to be a private matter where you can openly talk about your most personal health issues,’ she said.

thumbnail for post ID 8012023Kerry Katona calls for help in finding ‘missing’ cousin Chloe Cummings

‘If you’re discussing things in front of a group of strangers, you might as well tell the local town crier so he can shout it from the rooftops.

‘Many people will feel incredibly uncomfortable with this idea, especially if they know their weight and BMI is going to be on the wall for all to see.’

But the Patients Association suggested that some people could benefit from hearing about others’ experiences with a shared medical condition.

‘It could also be reassuring to patients to see others share their concerns and challenges, and can provide the benefit of peer support,’ Chief Executive Rachel Power said.

‘But patients must be given the choice as to whether to participate, or to continue with more traditional GP services.’

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How I learned to accept going grey in my twenties

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(Picture: Emmie Harrison)

Everyone remembers their first time.

Mine was age 17. It involved a lot of tears, squeals and a pair of tweezers…

I’m talking about getting your first grey hair. I’ve been lucky enough to be blessed with the genes of a Dad who went grey at 16.

I noticed my first grey when I was studying for my A-levels – with wild dreams of becoming a writer I cleverly chose five creative subjects. Cue sleepless nights and long, pointless roams around the countryside breaking down over what Chaucer really meant.

Plus my first love came back into my life to tell me he was a born-again Christian, so it’s safe to say my world was a little out of kilter when I noticed the lone, pure white hair in my fringe.

Though I sobbed like I’d just seen Gandalf in the mirror, I couldn’t say I was surprised. With near jet-black hair like my now silver-fox Dad once had, I accepted my fate.

But not without a fight.

(Picture: Emmie Harrison)

Everyday I’d get up that little bit earlier to inspect the bristly white pubes that were growing from my roots. I’d pluck them until my eyes stung with tears, and my scalp bled.

Sometimes at work I’d automatically pull out huge greys and leave them in a hairball on my desk – much to my colleague’s disgust. Big mistake.

‘Never pluck,’ says Carmen Moraschi, after I asked for advice on Twitter. ‘Six attend its funeral.’ Gulp.

But if I left my greys, I’d find family and friends would randomly pull them out without warning. One minute you’d be innocently drinking a cuppa, then the next you’ll feel like you’ve just been stabbed in the head.

‘Look at this!’ they’d scream, as you’d check for blood, with the leering, snaking grey shoved under your nose.

How I learned to accept going grey in my twenties

Now a tender age 25, my roots are white, my fringe snowy, and the entire underside of my long, dark brown curly hair is grey.

‘Dye them!’ Andrea Morrison advises. ‘Unless it’s a chin hair, then it gets plucked…’

Believe me, I’ve tried. After years of dyeing my hair all sorts of colours, and even bleaching it blonde (thank you, heartbreak) I’m fed up.

I was recently quoted £200 by a hairdresser to dye my greys, and I nearly choked on the free lukewarm coffee. And that was with discount.

I was fighting a losing battle. There was only so much brown powder I could force my fiancé to dab at my roots with. Even if I used fancy root cover-up sprays, my whole forehead would transform into a lovely shade of diarrhoea.

‘I’m so scared of going grey by 30,’ says Megan White. I feel you. How can you feel 30 and flirty, when you look like the KFC colonel?

But I had no other option but to accept it. I stopped untagging myself in pictures because I saw my salt-n-pepper fringe, and started to embrace it.

Thinking about it, all the women that are posed to be role-models in the media don’t have a single grey hair. Actresses with grey hair are ‘past it’ and play the Queen or Nanny McPhee, while men with grey hair are manly, talented silver-foxes like Philip Schofield or George Clooney.

(Picture: Emmie Harrison)

In fact, we have a special, coined term for men with grey hair – where women are seen as simply unkempt, old, haggard…

Before I’d been so scared of turning into Dumbledore that I totally missed out on the fact that women with grey hair looked like Dumble-daamn girl!

Matriarchs like Helen Mirren and Jamie Lee Curtis have embraced their grey and proudly show it off at awards does, in films and onstage.

Their younger proteges have even dyed their hair to be like them – Ellie Goulding has sported a grey number, as has Lady Gaga, Pink, Hilary Duff, Lourdes and Kylie Jenner.

Alanah on Twitter can’t wait to become grey: ‘I have naturally very dark brown hair and I’m excited for more greys as I can finally be the silver fox I’ve tried to be for years.

‘Can’t imagine how much money I’ve spent on trying to be grey only for black roots to show up weeks later!’

Lilith Johnstone is jumping on the white-strand-wagon too: ‘I’m 25, have loads of grey hairs (my Mum went grey in her 40s…) but I feel a bit sad about it as I like my auburn hair.

‘I think they are so many amazing women who rock the grey hair so I’m hoping I can just channel them when I go completely grey myself!

‘My Mum spent years dyeing her hair but now she’s embraced the grey and she’s never had so many compliments!’ Go Mrs Johnstone!

If you’re going grey in your twenties, embrace it. Personally, I see them as my battle-wounds. Signs that, actually, I’ve overcome some really stressful times in my life. And I made it.

‘They’re not grey, they’re strands of glitter,’ Cath Horder rightly says on Twitter. If that’s the case, treat yourself like a discoball.

Be grey and slay, I say. Until I get a grey pube, then there’ll be hell on.

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Is this cheese covered artwork dreamy or disgusting?

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THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Cosimo’s work centres on covering objects in cheese (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)

Before we begin, I have to confess: I’m really not a massive cheese fan.

I like mozzarella in my pasta bake, sure, but ‘stinky’ is not a word I wish to associate with my food, and I believe that anyone who would choose a cheeseboard over a nice wodge of cake has issues beyond comprehension.

So it makes sense that I wouldn’t be the biggest fan of the are of Cosimo Cavallaro, a man who is famous for covering everything in cheese.

But perhaps cheese lovers will be more appreciative.

Cosimo is known for what he calls his ‘cheese installations’, featuring everything from people to furniture drenched in cheese.

One of his photos shows a house covered in dairy, another shows a woman wearing a cheesy dress, and another depicts a hotel suite smothered with 1,000 lbs of melted cheese.

THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Yep, that’s an entire house covered in cheese (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)

Cosimo says his work began when he melted some cheese on his armchair.

‘In the action to destroy, emerged something beautiful,’ he says. ‘That is what led me to continue in search of the end.

‘My work ignites the child in me and leads me to the boundary of fear and faith.’

Cosimo grew up in a low-income household where food was scarce, which he says forms part of the inspiration for his art.

THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
We doubt a cheese shower would be a good place to get clean (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)

‘My father would tell me to be silent while we ate because we were battling death,’ he explains.

‘In an act to make my mother laugh, I would pour food on my head and watch my father’s anger rise like a volcano and my mother’s laughter would bring tears.’

Of course, art made with cheese won’t stay consumable forever. The cheese quickly succumbs to mould and smells, so Cosimo must document his work by taking photographs, only to say farewell to what he’s created.

Cheese isn’t the artist’s only medium. He’s also crafted Jesus out of chocolate, covered a bed in a mound of ham, and made rooms look like they’re spattered in blood.

But as interesting as those other artworks may be, for now we must focus on cheese. Don’t look for deeper meaning. Just look at the cheesy photos below and let us know how you feel, whether that’s disturbed, inspired, or just peckish.

THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
The next hot trend is squirty cheese (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Give your power suit an update with dairy products (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Hope you’re not lactose intolerant (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
The artist. THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Listed in London for £1,800 a month (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
The ruined bit of furniture where it all began (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Let cheese show you the light (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Bring a tortilla chip and go to town (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)
THESE remarkable ???cheese installations??? are every cheese lover???s dream with pounds of cheese melted on people, furniture and even entire houses. Incredible images show the exterior of a house completely covered in melted cheese, a bedroom and living room covered in it and even a bathroom lathered in dairy product. Other stunning shots show a woman wearing a dress covered in layers of cheese, a cheese-covered blazer hanging up and boots drenched in cheese. Italian-Canadian artist and photographer, Cosimo Cavallaro is famous for his ???cheese installations???. One of his most famous pieces of work was covering a twin suite at the Washington Jefferson Hotel, on New York???s upper west, with 1000 pounds of melted cheese. Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com
Have you ever wanted to eat a pair of boots before? (Picture: Cosimo Cavallaro / Universal Features / mediadrumimages.com)

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Meet the taxidermist selling magnetic mouse earrings and rats with googly eyes

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Jack’s famous rat pencil case (Picture: Jack Devaney)

Yes, that’s a rat pencil case. No, you’re right, those are magnetic mouse earrings. Yep, he really has put a rat’s scrotum in a pendant.

Jack Devaney is a professional taxidermist and has been for several years. He runs The World Around Ewe, a one-stop shop for all the bespoke skinned, hallowed out and creatively transformed animals anyone could ever need or, indeed, want.

Metro.co.uk caught up with the Plymouth based artist to discuss the divisive nature of his craft, internet virality, public disgust and the necessity to brief any unsuspecting visiting tradesmen who find themselves round at his flat.

Firstly though, we touch on what leads to someone take up such a singular trade.

A googley-eyed mouse turned into a USB stick (Picture: Jack Devaney)

‘I was at university, where we were given a project doing something “that represented our past” which also had to be what they called a “feasible product”,’ Jack tells us, though he’s reluctant to say precisely which uni, ‘as they got a bit funny over it’.

But what of his own past, further back from the relatively recent days of higher education? What other influences led him to such an unusual (for some, deeply squeamish) creative path?

Jack explains that he worked at a butchers in his home city Manchester as a kid, ‘from around 13, as a Saturday lad on and off for a few years until uni’.

A lizard on a cross (Picture: Jack Devaney)

‘I really enjoyed it, just hanging out and learning the trade. That’s where [the taxidermy] came from really. The transferable skills, taking meat and fur off animals and that sort of thing.’

It’s the path that led him to crafting the rat pencil case, the first – entirely unexpected – viral sensation he credits with helping to launch World Around Ewe.

‘[Simple really] a zipper down the spine and a pencil sharpener up its backside’, he says.

One of his mates suggested posting a photo to Imgur, which they duly accomplished, only to fall asleep, before waking up to ‘an absolutely nuts situation’ that had spiraled far beyond whatever expectations they’d harboured on uploading the image.

Magnetic mice earrings (Picture: Jack Devaney)

It goes without saying, the stuffed creatures aren’t to everyone’s taste or comprehension. There are plenty that find it repulsive, jarring or excessively macabre. Though the fans tend to outweigh the naysayers, he says.

It took a while to get to the point where the business turned over enough cash to become a full-time concern. There were the usual litany of ‘normal’ post-university jobs, including a selling windows door-to-door.

That changed when Jack discovered an affordable studio space, where he could start upping the volume. Now, turning dead animals into products for sale is a full-time job.

‘Really, I just try and make things silly,’ Jack tells us. ‘That’s why I use the googly eyes and stuff’.

A cap made of rat (Picture: Jack Devaney)

‘It’s mad how it became a full-time job. At one point, slightly later, I was combining it with a part-time role fixing computers, but managed to give that up’.

‘I try not to take it too seriously. Obviously, I take the craft seriously and it’s what I do to pay my rent. It was when I made a fully functioning rabbit toaster that things changed, with it really just taking off [full-time] from there’.

There’s a lingering question that has to be asked; just where does he get the animals? The answer comes in the form of a welcome reassurance.

‘I buy them frozen from pet shops. All the rats and most of the rabbits, though some of them come from pest control. Estate managers are also a big help’, he adds.

‘Whatever happens, happens. It’s mad that people are interested in it. I just try and keep up with the orders. It’s about making as much new stuff as possible, really. Maybe some stuff for Christmas, intestines through a candy cane or something’.

‘Show them you care, give them a rat’s ass’ (Picture: Jack Devaney)

It’s certainly a novel idea. Jack also tells us he tries to use every part of the animal. Reassuring.

What about people’s initial response when he tells them what he does for a living? Surely, not everyone is fully on board with the concept of a disemboweled animal loitering on their Christmas trees?

He laughs. ‘There’s a few people that recognise me. They shout “oi, there’s the rat man” and stuff like that. It’s odd.’

‘A guy came to fix my washing machine today, and I’ve got a to-do list on my fridge, for the business, you know? Now to an outsider, to see things like “buy x amount of rats” or whatever. Well, that takes some explaining’.

‘He was laughing and smiling, while I showed him a few pictures. But I did get the sense he was doing that while edging towards the door.’

We wrap the conversation up there. Jack’s busy preparing for a night at a local exhibition space called Studio 102. His initial idea was to run a small workshop showing how to skin a mouse, live. It’s been vetoed, on the grounds of children potentially finding it traumatic.

‘I’ve had to paint instead, which is something I’ve never done before,’ he says.

A small mercy perhaps, for the art lovers of Plymouth. Or maybe not. After all, the existence and success of Word Around Ewe shows that there are plenty of people who would be fans.

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Who was Hervé Villechaize, the inspiration for the new film My Dinner with Hervé?

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Hervé on the set of Fantasy Island (Picture: ABC Photo Archives/ABC via Getty Images) HERVE VILLECHAIZE

My Dinner with Hervé is set to be one of the films of the year, starring Peter Dinklage, Andy Garcia, and Jamie Dornan.

Dinklage will play the lead role, acting as tortured actor Hervé Villechaize himself.

The film follows Hervé’s last days, particularly focusing on the interview My Dinner with Hervé director Sacha Gervasi had with him shortly before his suicide.

But just who was Hervé Villechaize?

Hervé was born in Paris on 23 April 1943.

From birth he had a form of dwarfism caused by an endocrine disorder, and suffered at the hands of bullies at school because of this.

He entered art school at 16 and at one point was the youngest artist ever to have his work displayed in the Museum of Paris, before leaving for New York in 1964.

While there he taught himself English by watching TV and began auditioning for acting roles.

Villechaize and Kathy Self (Picture: Ron Galella, Ltd./WireImage)

Starting in acting roles, Villechaize then went on to movies, with his first being Chappaqua in 1966.

His big break, however, was in Man With The Golden Gun in 1974, where he played Scaramanga’s accomplice Nick Nack.

He then went on to play Tattoo in Fantasy Island for many years, as well as having various parts in other shows and movies.

According to some reports, he became extremely difficult to work with on Fantasy Island, and was reprimanded for arguing with staff and propositioning women.

He was eventually fired after asking for wage parity with his co-star Ricardo Montalbán.

He was a complex man (Picture: Ron Galella/WireImage)

In terms of his personal life, Hervé was married twice (first to Anne Sadowski and then to Camille Hagen).

However, he had a number of demons, which he was never able to get rid of.

He suffered severe pain due to fact his organs grew at a faster rate than the outside of his body, and he’d apparently even sleep in a kneeling position to avoid the pressure.

Villechaize also had depression, and did interviews about his low times.

In 1993, he sadly killed himself, and was found by his then-girlfriend Kathy Self.

Kathy told Variety of the biopic, ‘If he [Villechaize] was here, he probably would be very proud that they’re making a movie about him, but then he’d be annoyed that he wasn’t the star.’

My Dinner With Hervé will be shown on HBO 20 October.

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H&M launches bras designed for breast cancer survivors

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Caption: H&M launch bra collection for breast cancer survivors
Credit: H&M, Getty

H&M have introduced a collection of bras for breast cancer survivors.

The ‘Close to My Heart’ range was inspired by a member of the H&M team who was diagnosed with the disease.

After having breast removal surgery, she realised how difficult it was to find underwear.

When she returned to work, she decided to do something to change that.

H&M launch bra collection for breast cancer survivors Credit: H&M
Caption: H&M launch bra collection for breast cancer survivors
Credit: H&M

The team created a collection which includes a basic bra, a lace bra and a front closure bra, all with mesh pockets to support a prostheses.

A spokesperson for H&M said: ‘The difference between an ordinary bra and one for prostheses is that it covers more of the breast and that it has pockets for the protheses.

H&M launch bra collection for breast cancer survivors Credit: H&M
Caption: H&M launch bra collection for breast cancer survivors
Credit: H&M

‘The design process focused on fit and comfort – the bras were developed in close collaboration with women who have had breast cancer and removed one of their breasts.’

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Fashion Nova is accused of cultural appropriation for its Halloween geisha costume

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Fashion Nova is appropriating geishas and *yawn* Provider: Fashion Nova
(Picture: Fashion Nova)

Though most of us spend Halloween pondering over what to wear, how to make animal costumes look sexy and then eating copious amounts of candy, it seems to be a difficult time for some brands.

Almost every year, one clothing company or another is accused of cultural appropriation and they seem to never learn.

Fashion Nova is the latest line criticised by consumers who have complained about their geisha Halloween costume which they feel appropriates Japanese culture and makes a mockery out of an ancient civilisation.

The costume includes hair sticks, a kimono, a skirt, and an obi (a belt-like sash worn across the stomach to tie the robe together), and to add insult to injury, Fashion Nova had initially misspelled geisha, instead writing ‘geshia’, which was later changed.

Some publications have also reported that it was described as a ‘sexy’ geisha outfit but it no longer appears as such on the website.

Fashion Nova is appropriating geishas and *yawn* Provider: Fashion Nova
(Picture: Fashion Nova)

Fashion Nova’s $49.99 (£38.10) outfit is considered problematic for many people as they are making a profit from an ancient tradition without crediting it nor using it in its cultural context, which are all hallmarks of appropriation.

Students Teaching about Racism in Society (STARS), who have spoken out against using geisha outfits, broke down why.

‘Cultural appropriation is best thought of when members of a dominant culture in a society adopt certain elements from a minority culture’s heritage without understanding what those elements mean to the minorities,’ a spokesperson told Metro.co.uk.

‘In our society white people are the dominant group and Asians (specifically Japanese in this case) are a minority.

‘What makes Fashion Nova’s costume so racially insensitive is that it feeds into a stereotype of Asian women being sexual objects and temptresses for men’s (almost always white men) desires. We know this because the costume is explicitly marketed as “sexy”.

‘What is particularly alarming is that geishas were never prostitutes, they provided other forms of entertainment such as singing, dancing, poetry, or light conversation. But due to ignorance and lack of willingness to learn, this has been translated over to America and the rest of the Western world as “prostitution”.

‘These stereotypes may have even been used during the Second World War to justify the sexual violence carried out against Asian women by Americans soldiers, where unfortunately prostitution did flourish near military bases.

‘It is harmful to create costumes based off of racial stereotypes because those costumes then reinforce harmful ideas and power dynamics. Stereotypes are symbols used to categorise other cultures into into one-dimensional ideas that often have little basis in reality.

‘If somebody grows up in an area where there are few if any Asians living nearby then representations such as this may be all they have to learn about people of Asian descent, because it is stereotypes of the Asian temptress that not only show up in Halloween costumes, but also television, film, and other forms of media.

‘If some people argue that costumes like this are cultural appreciation instead of appropriation, I would say there is nothing wrong with appreciating other cultures. Appreciation can come in many forms such as enjoying music, cuisine, and literature.

‘But the key difference between appreciation and appropriation is ignorance. Is the person aware of the culture enough to understand the historical and social significance of their music, art, clothing, etc.?

‘If so, then I would argue that is appreciation. If not, then that is appropriation because then the person is treating another somebody else’s heritage as a “trend” that comes and goes. This is why the geisha costume is such a perfect example of cultural appropriation because somebody is not of Asian descent can simply put on the costume and take it off as they please, while an Asian person has to live with the racism that it represents for the rest of their lives.’

We have contacted Fashion Nova for comment and will update the article accordingly.

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These 18th century doodles prove our obsession with cute dog pictures is nothing new

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Caption: 18th century dog doodles
Credit: The Musuem of English Rural Life

We’re officially obsessed with dog pictures on Instagram – but it turns out it’s something that dates back centuries.

A museum has uncovered a diary full of dog doodles from way back in 1784.

The Museum of English Rural Life, based in Reading, Berkshire, tweeted about a collection of diaries they were archiving.

Looking through one book, owned by Richard Beale, from a farm in Biddenden Kent, museum staff discovered these doodles.

The staff believe Richard was 13 years old at the time.

The book was mainly used for beautifully laid out mathematical equations.

But like most of us, Richard doodled around his work – with his family owned dog being his favourite subject.

He drew it at a kennel and chasing a rabbit.

But it wasn’t the only animal he sketched – Richard also drew this 18th century chicken wearing a pair of trousers.

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Deaf man hears for the first time and it’s the sound of his boyfriend proposing

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Hayward Duresseau, 37, was on a family trip to San Francisco when he became extremely tired and lost his ability to see, hear, or even walk.

Showing symptoms of undetected bacterial meningitis, Hayward was rushed to the hospital by boyfriend Kerry Kennedy, 27, where he had to stay for the next three weeks.

He eventually got his sight back and was able to walk again after three months. But the damage to his hearing was said to be permanent – and Hayward struggled to come to terms with the idea of never hearing his partner’s voice again.

Thankfully though, six months later, a Cochlear implant – an electronic device that restores function to the inner ear – was fitted, allowing him to hear again.

And the first thing he heard? The words ‘will you marry me?’ from his boyfriend Kerry.

VID BY KERRY KENNEDY/CATERS NEWS - After a freak illness left him deaf for more than six months, the first thing this man heard was the sound of his boyfriend proposing. During a family trip to San Francisco in February, Hayward Duresseau, 37, began to feel extremely fatigued after a walk but just over 48 hours later he would no longer be able to see, hear or walk. Exhibiting symptoms of undetected bacterial meningitis, Duresseau was rushed to the hospital by boyfriend, Kerry Kennedy, 27, where hed stay for the next three weeks. SEE CATERS COPY
(Picture: Caters News Agency)

Replying with a tearful ‘yes’ at the ACI Hearing and Balance Hospital, in Lafayette, LA, the couple embraced before Hayward said ‘I’m so happy to hear your voice.’

The now-engaged couple, who have been together for three years, were shocked when Hayward was diagnosised on a Valentine’s Day.

‘I was walking down the stairs and thought it was strange that I couldn’t see through the lenses of my glasses,’ said Hayward.

‘The next day I woke up unable to see anything, just big blobs of colour – by the time I got to the Emergency Room, Kerry had to carry me because I could barely walk.

‘My diagnosis was a hard one to accept. I was diagnosed with meningitis and I have no clue how I contracted it.

VID BY KERRY KENNEDY/CATERS NEWS - After a freak illness left him deaf for more than six months, the first thing this man heard was the sound of his boyfriend proposing. During a family trip to San Francisco in February, Hayward Duresseau, 37, began to feel extremely fatigued after a walk but just over 48 hours later he would no longer be able to see, hear or walk. Exhibiting symptoms of undetected bacterial meningitis, Duresseau was rushed to the hospital by boyfriend, Kerry Kennedy, 27, where hed stay for the next three weeks. SEE CATERS COPY
Hayward (left) was left unable to see, hear, or walk after being diagnosed with meningitis (Picture: Caters News Agency)

‘The doctors gave me hope that my hearing might come back, but the more research I did the more I realised it was permanent.

‘I fought long and hard to communicate with Kerry. It was extremely hard as I felt like such a burden.

‘Once I knew everything about the implants, I was so excited to talk to Kerry again. I thought of all the questions I would ask him just to hear his voice. I was completely shocked by the proposal, I couldn’t hold back my emotions – my tears came from a joyful place.

‘This whole issue has caused us to grow stronger in our relationship together.’

Kerry, who became Hayward’s full-time carer said he hadn’t even thought about his own reaction to the situation, he just knew he had to be there for his partner.

‘Communication was difficult, but we had friends teaching us sign language, so we got by,’ said Kerry.

VID BY KERRY KENNEDY/CATERS NEWS - After a freak illness left him deaf for more than six months, the first thing this man heard was the sound of his boyfriend proposing. During a family trip to San Francisco in February, Hayward Duresseau, 37, began to feel extremely fatigued after a walk but just over 48 hours later he would no longer be able to see, hear or walk. Exhibiting symptoms of undetected bacterial meningitis, Duresseau was rushed to the hospital by boyfriend, Kerry Kennedy, 27, where hed stay for the next three weeks. SEE CATERS COPY
(Picture: Caters News Agency)

‘I was thinking about proposing way before he got sick.

‘He fell ill on Valentine’s Day and that night we spoke about getting married one day. With the cochlear implant we were able to have full spoken conversations again.

‘Hayward is my best friend and I love him with every part of me. We’re very excited for our future together.’

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Swedish girl, 8, pulls out an ancient viking sword from the lake, as you do

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Girl, 8, pulls out an ancient sword out of lake
(Picture: Facebook/Andy Vanecek/AP)

Saga Vanecek, an eight-year-old from Sweden, had a pretty extraordinary summer holiday.

She was swimming in Vidöstern lake in Tånnö, Småland, where her family owns a summer house, when she came across an ancient relic.

While skipping rocks, Saga bent down to pick up what she thought was a stick. Just as she was about to throw it into the water, she discovered that it had a pointy end.

What she had, in fact, come across was a fifth or sixth-century sword. Now, people are naturally making comparisons to King Arthur and suggesting that Saga becomes the future ruler of Sweden.

Facebook/Andy Vanecek https://www.facebook.com/andy.vanecek
(Picture: Facebook/Andy Vanecek/AP)

‘I was outside in the water, throwing sticks and stones and stuff to see how far they skip, and then I found some kind of stick,’ Saga told Swedish paper The Local.

‘I picked it up and was going to drop it back in the water, but it had a handle, and I saw that it was a little bit pointy at the end and all rusty.’

Saga and her dad then reported it to the local authorities and eventually took it to the Jönköpings Läns Museum who said the sword may be from 1,500 years ago.

The museum launched an investigation into the area and found another exciting relic; a broach believed to be from the same era.

The sword, which was well-preserved, will now be held at the museum.

This photo taken in July 2018 and released by the Jonkopings lans Museum on Friday, Oct. 5 2018 shows a pre-Viking era sword in Jonkopings, Sweden. Mikael Nordstrom of the local Jonkoping County museum says 8-year-old Saga Vanecek was helping her father with his boat in the Vidostern lake when she stepped on an 85-centimeter (34-inch) sword in a holster made of wood and leather, believed to be about 1,500 years old. (Annie Rosen/Jonkopings lans Museum via AP)
(Picture: Facebook/Andy Vanecek/AP)

People on social media said the incident is some kind of revelation and that Saga may just be a future ruler.

One person tweeted: ‘Meet Saga, an 8-year-old Swedish girl who went into a lake and pulled out an ancient viking sword and whom I will follow into battle anywhere, any time, all hail Saga!’ while another said: ‘Protect her with your life. She has special powers and an enormous destiny ahead.’

‘An 8-year-old Swedish girl pulled a Viking era sword out of a lake, which I assume means she is now the rightful Queen of Sweden,’ joked another.

Some joked that while Sweden scrambles to find a new Prime Minister, Saga could become the interim leader.

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Bride surprises groom with first look photos at his adopted mum’s grave

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(Picture: Madison Stem/https://madcreations.squarespace.com/)

Weddings, as much as they are about brides and grooms, are about families.

Some people, however, are not so fortunate to have all the members of their family during their special day.

Nick Norwood, 26, from Oklahoma, U.S sadly lost his adopted mother Dorothy two years ago and was devastated that she wouldn’t be part of his wedding.

So his bride Shyanne decided to change that. She organised the first look photos – whereby the groom sees the bride in her dress for the first time – to be at a very special place.

Unknown to him, Nick was going to be seeing his future wife right in front of his mother’s grave.

Bride surprises groom at mother's tombstone Picture: : MADISON STEM PERMISSION GRANTED METROGRAB
(Picture: Madison Stem/https://madcreations.squarespace.com/)

Shyanne went to great lengths to keep it all a surprise for Nick. She made sure her own mother took the groom on detours and backroads to throw him off, all the while he wore a blindfold.

‘As my eyes started to focus, I had a big smile on my face as I examined my fiancée and gave her a big hug and kiss,’ Nick told Babble.

‘During these few seconds of our first look, I figured we were in just some random field somewhere. I was just so focused on my fiancée at the time.

‘All I could think about is how I wished my mum could be a part of it somehow. I would think about how happy she would be seeing me marry the love of my life. It felt like emotions I was dealing with initially after her death were all coming back full circle.’

‘As my eyes made contact with my mum’s gravestone, I remember my fiancée telling me she wanted my mum to be a part of our big day. She comforted me as I embraced the moment. I remember feeling her presence that day. I know she was looking down on us, smiling.’

Bride surprises groom at mother's tombstone Picture: : MADISON STEM PERMISSION GRANTED METROGRAB
(Picture: Madison Stem/https://madcreations.squarespace.com/)

Shyanne knew Nick had a tough start to his life as he and his twin brother lost both their birth parents, who had problems with substance abuse.

Dorothy took the twins in as well as another boy and a girl while also having birthed four of her own children. She also fostered over a hundred kids during her lifetime.

Nick joked that he and his brother called her a professional mum.

On her tombstone, it says ‘mum to many’.

Bride surprises groom at mother's tombstone Picture: : MADISON STEM PERMISSION GRANTED METROGRAB
(Picture: Madison Stem/https://madcreations.squarespace.com/)

To honour such a generous woman, Shyanne made sure references to Dorothy were included in the wedding ceremony.

The pastor read from Dorothy’s bible during the ceremony.

‘I realised it was my mum’s bible,’ added Nick. ‘Our wedding rings were tied to my mum’s bookmark, and it was like a part of my mum was there bearing the rings that conjoined our lives together.’

The day is special for many reasons to Nick and Shyanne who are now having their first child.

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National Grandparents Day – why they make the perfect best friends

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Things you only know if your mum is your best friend
Things you only know if your mum is your best friend (Becky Excell)
Credit: Mmuffin for Metro.co.uk

It’s National Grandparents Day – and we all know they are worth celebrating.

New research, released by Age UK, shows that grandparents love their role.

Despite the generational divide, 71% of grandparents think having grandchildren gave them a new lease of life.

And nearly all grandparents said they felt it is important that younger and older generations learn from each other.

The research revealed that their grandchildren introduced them to new songs, music and TV programmes and a quarter said they taught them how to use Whatsapp, text, Skype and Facebook, while a fifth stayed in touch using social media.

But for some, learning from their grandparents is much more important than teaching them.

Victoria, 27, lost her grandmother Doreen last September but they had been best friends since Victoria was a child.

‘My grandma was a true confidante. There wasn’t much she hadn’t seen over her long life, and she never judged me for my mistakes,’ she told Metro.co.uk.

‘Whenever I’d been upset at school or home, I knew she’d always be there to comfort me. I can’t count the times I ‘ran away’ as a child or teenager to have my parents ring my grandma within five minutes telling her to expect me on the doorstep.

‘She was also an incredible listener and always wanted to hear my news.’

Victoria and her grandma (Picture: Victoria Finan)
Victoria and her grandma (Picture: Victoria Finan)

‘We looked after each other, in the way best friends should. We laughed together, drank endless cups of tea together, and watched Pride and Prejudice and William and Kate’s wedding a thousand times together. We had so much fun.

‘I remember passing my driving test and taking her out in the car, joking that we were like Thelma and Louise, except our great getaway was to drive to the to Co-op for flowers for my granddad’s grave.

‘We also used to gossip together so much – she loved gossiping even about people she’d never met. Grandma always had a story or a piece of news to share. Beyond all that, we trusted each other implicitly I think. I would have walked to the end of the earth for her, and if she could she would have done the same for me.’

Like many, Victoria developed a close relationship with her grandma when she was a child and as she grew into an adult, their relationship grew stronger.

Victoria and her grandma (Picture: Victoria Finan)
Victoria and her grandma Doreen (Picture: Victoria Finan)

‘I’d always lived close by to my grandparents, and when I was five they moved to a short walk away from my home. So I was really lucky in that seeing them was never an ‘event’ – they were as much a part of my day to day life as my parents or friends,’ she explains.

‘But I think I first started becoming really close to my grandma when I was eight, after my granddad died. Grandma and Grandad used to look after each other through their arthritis (they both had severe rheumatoid arthritis) and after he died she needed more care.

‘From a really early age, I was taught to physically care for her like getting her dressed and making sure she had taken her medication for example, and then when I was about 11, I was taught how to bathe her.

‘Having that responsibility of physical care definitely brought us closer as it created a really high level of mutual trust. Now looking back it seems quite strange that I did those things at such a young age, but back then it was totally normal. I stayed with her to care for her most weekends.’

Victoria's grandma Doreen (Picture: Victoria Finan)
Victoria’s grandma Doreen (Picture: Victoria Finan)

Although Victoria admits she taught her grandma how to use the TV, she says she learnt so much more from her.

‘She taught me all sorts: How to make the best chips in the world. That Marks and Spencers will always come up trumps. That you’re never too old for Chanel perfume and Estee Lauder lipstick,’ she says.

‘But more than that, that kindness is the most important quality a person can have. She had no enemies, only friends to offer cups of tea and a listening ear to. She attracted people to her who often didn’t have many other people to turn to, because she was so open and welcoming.

‘She made everyone feel welcome, and was the most generous person. When I eventually head up to the great Marks and Spencers in the sky, if people say the same things about me that they said about her: she was kind, she loved her family fiercely, she listened – I think that’s a life very well lived.’

Rebecca, 25, who is originally from Scotland, has remained close to her grandma, even though she now lives in London.

Rebecca with her grandma (Picture: Rebecca Kerr)
Rebecca with her grandma (Picture: Rebecca Kerr)

‘She’s still my best friend because she’s always been there for me no matter what. She knows how to cheer me up, understands me better than I do myself, and is the kindest, most generous person I know,’ she tells us.

‘When I was younger, my parents worked away a lot and also worked late nights. My grandma and grandpa picked my sister and i up from school, looked after us and we spent every day during the summer holidays with them.

‘My grandpa died when I was nine, and at that point I saw my grandma become so strong and incredibly brave – she poured all her love and time into raising my sister and I.’

Rebecca with her sister and her grandma (Picture: Rebecca Kerr)
Rebecca with her sister and her grandma (Picture: Rebecca Kerr)

Caroline Abrahams, Age UK’s Charity Director, said, ‘Our survey suggests that, happily, grandparenting today is still based on the timeless values of love and mutual support but that many grandparents particularly appreciate being kept in touch with a fast changing world by their savvy grandchildren.

‘Whether it’s fixing that glitch on their mobile phone, or trying out the latest dance move, many grandparents clearly really do value the help they receive from their grandchildren, as well as all the fun they have with them.

‘In exchange, grandparents are often utterly indispensable to their families, providing huge amounts of practical and emotional support – hopefully a win:win for everyone concerned.’

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