Pubic lice – or crabs as they’re commonly known – don’t have the best rep when it comes to STIs.
Perhaps it’s the fact that they look like small bugs (which they are, but still). Perhaps it’s that they come with a connotation of uncleanliness, and the idea that you can’t catch them if you practice good hygiene (which is completely untrue, but still).
Lice in general aren’t seen very favourably, which is sad given that primates view them as a wonderful snack.
The reality is that they’re pretty common, and public lice in particular are not resigned to certain people; we can all catch them, even if we’re using protection.
Getting Freaky doesn’t look at the common, though.
Here we look at the anomalies; the tales paper aeroplaned from person, never attaching to reality enough to reality to seem true, but never being spoken about enough to be deemed completely false either.
When I was at school – and it’s probably clear to you all now that we were all a bunch of wrong ‘uns – a story went around about a boy who ate a ‘nest of crabs’ while going down on a girl.
As the story goes, it somehow fell out of her body during the act, and he ingested the lot.
While we all know now that crabs obviously don’t live inside the body, making this a physical impossibility. However, do we really know everything about pubic lice, whether they’re safe to ingest, and whether you can catch them outside the overall bush region?
Let’s take a look.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Crabs are different to head lice in that they only live in coarse hair, and they won’t go away with a shave.
They are the same, however, in that they need blood to feed from, and they are spread through close contact.
When your genitals are touching, it’s easy enough for them to crawl from person to person, and they’re pretty likely to jump ship for a taste of your sweet, sweet blood.
During oral sex, however, there’s less probability that you’re going to catch pubic lice. Like everything we’ve look at so far, though, it’s certainly not impossible.
Coarse hairs like on the chest, underarms, eyebrows, eyelashes, or beards and moustaches are very homely to a louse, so they are areas that can be infested if you’re going downtown.
Be mindful of this when you’re giving oral, and if you see any signs of pubic lice, it’s best to avoid doing so.
Perhaps your sexual partner itching themselves vigorously might give it away, but if not you can pinpoint the lice themselves (which are the size of a pinhead) or their eggs (which are small and white and tend to live in clumps around the follicle).
Signs and symptoms of public lice
itching in the affected areas
black powdery droppings from the lice in your underwear
brown eggs on pubic or other body hair
irritation and inflammation in the affected area, sometimes caused by scratching
sky-blue spots (which disappear within a few days) or very tiny specks of blood on the skin
Source: FPA
If you get lice in your eyelashes (pediculosis ciliari if we’re being scientific), you can experience symptoms like a low fever, drowsiness, conjunctivitis, and itchy and red eyes.
In addition to this, while you can use standard pharmacy lice treatments on your pubic region, you’ll need to visit your GP about an eyelash louse infestation so you don’t irritate your eyes.
If they’re in your facial hair or on your body, head to your pharmacy and get a shampoo or cream to treat it.
In terms of whether you can ingest pubic lice, yes it is possible – although not in any nest kind of scenario.
As it’d be unintentional, you’d only consume one or two at most, since lice wouldn’t willingly want to go somewhere uninhabitable to them.
According to one Doctor who was asked the question online though, ‘While I’d advise against intentional ingestion, rest assured that we are designed to handle unwanted critters–the highly acidic stomach environment cannot be survived. Gross as it sounds, they’ll be reduced to protein particles and eventually flushed out.’
Around three million people in the US get pubic lice each year, so while it might feel embarrassing in the moment, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
The good news is that they’re easy to get rid of and shouldn’t cause any harm (lice can carry diseases, but this has mostly been wiped out).
We’re also long out of the playground now, where lice aren’t considered some friend-losing problem.
Get it sorted as soon as you realise, tell anyone you think might need to be told, wash your towels and bedding on a high cycle, and don’t have sexual contact until your treatment is done.
And rest easy that the only crabs nests you might ever encounter are these rather adorable ‘temples of love’ that fiddler crabs build to attract mates.
Husband and wife Gus Forward and Cynthia struggled with fertility for years.
The couple, from Houston, Texas, had been trying for a baby for four years and went to see many fertility specialists, something they called an expensive and emotionally draining experience.
So when they finally became pregnant, they wanted to go in hard on announcing the news.
And they did that by hosting a mock press conference, complete with headlines and even a fried chicken shop sponsor.
The delighted couple also revealed the gender and name of the baby they can’t wait to have.
(Picture: Gus Forward / SWNS)
Gus, 34, who works in marketing and has a background in video creation, fell in love with Cynthia when they were in college.
‘We had so much trouble conceiving, we didn’t even think we would be able to have a baby for a while, so when it finally happened we wanted to do something really special to celebrate,’ he said.
(Picture: Gus Forward / SWNS)
‘When we were finally told that Cynthia was pregnant we couldn’t believe it, we were so thrilled and actually very apprehensive too, we were nervous, even after the three-month point, our doctor tried to reassure us.
Cynthia, a school teacher, was the brains behind the whole thing though she decided to play a supporting role in the video. She thought it would be a good idea to create a special video to reveal the baby’s gender for their friends and family.
She encouraged Gus to use his creative skills from work to do something fun for themselves. And while the set, costumes, and flashing lights might look like a high-budget set-up, it was all put togethr quite quickly, using material around the house.
‘It was mostly improvised really,’ said Gus, who worked with his brother-in-law to make the clip.
‘I wrote a rough script about two hours beforehand and then we just rolled with it. We made the costumes from stuff we had lying around, the hat that says ‘Gus’s Fried Chicken’ was a joke gift to me. I thought it was perfect.’
The couple’s dog Zorro who was a gift for Gus on the wedding day also played a starring role.
(Picture: Gus Forward / SWNS)
‘He was really good, thankfully he didn’t make any noise while we filmed it.
‘We’re really pleased that our son will be able to see this one day, it’s definitely something for the scrapbook.’
That’s one way of hosting a pretty cool gender reveal party.
‘Everything came to a head when the police broke down the front door of our family home. They searched the house and threatened to strip search my younger sisters. I’d been cutting heroin in the living room. In the chaos, I ran.’
Ryan McCormack’s story of overcoming child sexual trauma, drug addiction, and alcohol abuse, is similar to a story shared in Hollywood drama Beautiful Boy.
Like the characters inspired by real-life figures David and Nick Sheff (played respectively by Steve Carrell and Timothée Chalamet), Ryan and his dad John struggled with their relationship.
Now 45 years old, Ryan, from Bournemouth, has been clean for over 14 years. He says his dad played a massive part in his recovery.
After getting involved in drinking and later drugs as a teenager, Ryan struggled with his relationships – he was isolated and couldn’t turn to his older brother or dad.
Desperate for some love and friendship, at 13 he called a number scribbled on public toilet doors, but was picked up and abused by a paedophile, leading to Ryan’s continued drug use.
After a brief stint with the navy as a young adult, going to military jail and then doing time in prison, Ryan finally became sober.
‘I’ve been abstinent since 2004. A big help was understanding that my issues with alcohol and drugs were a reaction to traumatic childhood experiences,’ he tells Metro.co.uk.
(Picture: Addaction)
Witnessing his mum’s alcohol dependence, moving to Northern Island in the 80s and then back to Rugby, England, Ryan was unsettled in his childhood, and just wanted comfort and reassurance.
‘I just wanted someone to be with, someone to love me.
‘So I called a number on a toilet wall aged 13, and a paedophile picked me up and took me to his house. I thought he was interested in me, my life. He told me I had to leave by the back door. I’d just wanted to be loved and even he was ashamed of me.
‘At 15 I was given weed for the first time at a disco. I decided to join the navy later where I was introduced to hard drugs. At navy raves, I started taking ecstasy, then after leaving I started doing Class A drugs, heroin.
‘At 17 I was in a military jail, at 21 I served a year in a Young Offenders jail, and at 25 I served another three years. After coming out of prison, I’d hang out with my friends at home doing all kinds of stuff. For me heroin was everything.
‘My dad suspected I was using at the time. It was a nightmare. I really loved my family and I know it was devastating for them. They tried to stick by me.
(Picture: Addaction)
‘My dad is my hero. He could never reject me. What he’s taught me is priceless. I didn’t think my life could get any worse but then I thought if something doesn’t change, this will go on forever. I didn’t know how to fix myself but my dad told me repeatedly I was loved.
‘That’s not what fixed me but it gave me enough. I really thought the addiction was going to kill me.’
Ryan explained how ‘horrendous’ his addiction was, recalling how divorced he was from his reality.
‘When you’re under the influence, you feel good, you feel connected to yourself. Then when it wore off, my mental health was so bad. I had massive anxiety, my insecurities resurfaced. My traumas came back. I had zero self-esteem and painful shame. I didn’t understand how to come out of it. I pleaded to Jesus to get me out of it, as as a child I was told you could pray for salvation. I was desperate to be saved.’
In 2000, Ryan moved to Bournemouth for drug and alcohol treatment. As part of the therapy he called John and told him about the sexual abuse.
‘It wasn’t until 2004 I found long term recovery,’ says Ryan. ‘I was ready by then to take responsibility for myself, for what I needed, but I couldn’t do it alone. Instead of looking for love, I asked for help.
‘That was enough to make a start. It’s taken real time and effort and what I’ve come to realise is that I’m worth loving. The abuse wasn’t my fault. I am enough.’
But it wasn’t a straightforward process; it took Ryan four years to become completely clean. His detoxes would last a few weeks and then he’d break his sobriety. Eventually, he found the strength to stay abstinent.
Dad John adds that it was one of the most rewarding things to see Ryan aid himself to recovery, get married, and have children.
‘Seeing Ryan recover was the greatest relief of my life,’ John tells us. ‘When I had my kids I never thought any of them would be in trouble, it’s a parental thing – you think your kids will be perfect.
‘I never envisaged it would end up going this way. But the way he turned his life around, it was absolutely amazing. Words can never explain how proud I am, and his passion for his work and helping other people in the same situation, it’s such a wonderful attribute, I wish I had that.’
Though the father and son are much closer now, often sharing tales about parenthood, their relationship has had its strains.
‘We always tried to support him through his troubles,’ added John. ‘When Ryan came back from the navy, he got involved with his friends. One evening, my house was raided by the police; Ryan was using his room to divvy up heroin which some guy had supplied him, he was arrested.
‘That was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
‘The police were going to release him and asked if he could back home, and I said no. It was the hardest thing I ever did, it was devastating but probably the best thing I ever did, it got the message through to him.
‘But I kept talking to him. I saw him again at a wedding and we went for a walk just the two of us and I told him that I believed the next time I see him would be in a coffin, I gave him a hug as I normally do and that was it.
‘That was the turning point, in my opinion, that was the starting block.
‘Now to see Ryan as a father and as a husband, I wish I could’ve reached his stature as a dad. He’s amazing. I wish I talked to my kids the way he does with his.’
The pair now stay in touch and Ryan keeps John updated about his life; his wife, two sons, and the work he does for drug and alcohol support group Addaction Young Persons, and Family Service, the same facility he used for his treatment.
Ryan added: ‘When I work with people I freely share parts of my story. I know that by making a connection I can offer a profound hope. I feel that’s an echo of what my dad’s love was and is to me.’
If you want to learn more about Addaction and see the work they do, you can visit their website.
They’re tiny humans who can’t walk or talk, they do ridiculous things, and their faces are endlessly entertaining.
Seeing them doing ‘grownup’ things is even better. Imagine a baby with a job? Hilarious. That’s the explanation of the entire Boss Baby franchise.
So naturally, we greatly enjoy this photo series from dad-of-two Matt MacMillan.
Matt’s second son, Ryan, was born nine weeks premature and weighing less than 3lbs in July 2018.
He had to stay in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit for six weeks. When he was finally allowed to come home, Matt and his wife, Alyssa, knew they needed a positive way to mark his early start in life.
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
After joking that he wasn’t premature but just ‘advanced’ for his age, they decided to pose him up doing grownup things, from shaving to chopping wood.
The photos ended up being shared 100,000 times in under a day.
‘Ryan was born nine weeks premature and was in hospital for the first six weeks of his life,’ said Matt.
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
‘My wife and I like to joke that he is not premature, but just advanced, which is where this idea stemmed from.
‘She helped me with everything. One of us would hold him in different positions, and then I’d just edit us out, so it looks like he is doing it all by himself.
‘I find normal newborn photographs somewhat boring, so I thought I’d spice it up a bit this way.
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
‘My wife and I both have a really good sense of humour, so we both loved doing it. It will be something that we can look back on forever and smile.
‘I just tried to brainstorm different stereotypically manly activities. It was really fun.
‘He is a really good baby to work with. He is always laughing and smiling.’
Matt said his favourite photo is of baby Ryan heading off to work, carrying a briefcase. We have to agree.
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
The dad has had to explain to people that the scenes in the photos aren’t real, and that he doesn’t actually let his premature son play poker, lift weights, or fix cars.
‘It was funny, because I’ve received some angry comments from people who actually think that it’s real,’ said Matt.
‘They’re asking me how I could put my baby in danger like that. I had to laugh.
‘I mean, there is no way a baby could lift an axe that size or go fishing or carve a turkey. He couldn’t even walk.
‘They’re all completely photoshopped. There was no danger whatsoever.’
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
(Picture: Matt MacMillan/Caters News)
For Matt and Alyssa, the photos are a way to celebrate the arrival of their son, adding some humour after a rough start.
‘We are not sure what we want to do with them just yet, we thought about framing some of them,’ said Matt.
‘But there are around 12 photographs, so we might even turn them into a calendar.
‘It will be funny for him to look back on when he is older. I have no idea what he will think about it all but I’m sure it will make him laugh.
‘Ryan had a rough start in life being born premature, but now he is doing better than ever.’
All six-year-old Jude Carrington has ever wanted is to eat a cupcake.
That’s a pretty simple wish, right?
But his parents need to raise £50,000 to allow that dream to become a reality.
That’s because Jude has a rare condition that causes him to become violently ill every time he eats. He’s been tube fed for the last two years and can only consume liquidised food thanks to severe inflammation of his intestines, called eosinophilic colitis.
If Jude tries to eat solid food, he will experience extreme symptoms including rashes, intense abdominal pain, and bloody diarrhoea.
His mum, Jo, refuses to give up on fulfilling her son’s lifelong wish to eat a cupcake. She’s now fundraising to take him to America to access specialist treatment.
The family need £50,000 to cover the costs at Children’s Hospital Colorado, US, where they will speak to specialists who will carry out several tests on Jude in the hope they can help cure him.
(Picture: Caters News)
‘Jude has never tried a birthday cake, he has never had an ice cream on holiday, he has never enjoyed a Christmas dinner,’ says Jo. ‘But the main thing he’s desperate to try is a cupcake.
‘He has seen his friends eat them as a treat or when celebrating and this is something he is yet to have.
‘We have to give him a bottle of frozen water for lunchtime at school just so he can feel involved on the dining experience with his friends.
‘He absolutely hates it and gets very upset that he can’t eat like everyone else.
(Picture: Simon Jacobs/Caters News)
‘There have been times when I can’t even eat because I just look at him and see devastation in his eyes and it breaks my heart.
‘When we raise enough money to go to America, we hope Jude will fulfil his dream and will try a cupcake.’
Since May 2017 Jude has been fitted with a feeding tube in his stomach, and is now forced to wear a backpack to school so he can have nutrients slowly released throughout the day.
His eating issues began when he was only four months old, when he started rejecting milk and throwing up.
‘When he was ten months old, he stopped eating completely resulting him to pass out, we took him straight to Great Ormond Street Hospital for further tests,’ said Jo.
‘They carried out a colonoscopy and gastroscopy, where they found his colon was inflamed and diagnosed him with eosinophilic colitis.
‘The steroids were really strong to help control the pain but he continued to have stomach ache, vomiting and diarrhoea.
‘It was like having a newborn with the constant battle of bottle feeding and changing his nappy but for five years.’
(Picture: Caters News)
Jo says that doctors in the UK hope that Jude will just ‘grow out of it’ or that they’ll be able to find food that he can manage consuming.
But Jo can’t bear continuing to try out food that only makes Jude severely ill.
Since he was a child Jude has been under the care of paediatrician Dr Raina Sanjay, who confirms that Jude’s only option is to head to America.
Dr.Sanjay said: ‘Jude has been severely affected by eosinophilic colitis since a baby, it is very challenging and distressing for his family as he is constantly in discomfort.
‘In spite of maximum treatment, his symptoms have not been relieved and there is no other option but for Jude to go to America.’
Jo explained: ‘Every time he has tried something such as a rice, potato, chicken he has severe sickness, diarrhoea and eczema, his body reacts to everything like an allergy.
‘But he is the most resilient and strong-willed child I have ever met, he is so brave and just loves animals.
‘I’ve been a vegetarian for the past year because one day Jude said ‘if I could eat food, I wouldn’t eat meat as I wouldn’t want to eat the animals’ so giving it up was the least I can do.
‘I won’t pretend it has ever been easy, there has been days when I have just been crying on my husband, Steven, 35, shoulder, we would do anything to swap places with him.
‘I can’t sit back and wait for him to possible grow out of it because what if he doesn’t?
‘We have been in contact with a doctor in America who is currently waiting for Jude’s biopsy slides who will then determine what other tests will be carried out.
‘We need to go to America to get a second opinion and diagnosis to give our son the life he deserves.’
It’s easy to think that we’ve cured the stigma against public breastfeeding.
Women are legally permitted to feed their babies anywhere they like, and whenever a sexist proprietor asks a woman to cover up while feeding it causes public outrage. And yet, a Canadian nutritionist found herself losing followers on Instagram for posting a picture of her tandem feeding.
Tandem feeding is when a mother breastfeeds two children at the same time, usually a toddler and a new born. It’s a result of extended breastfeeding, the term given to breastfeeding children past their first birthday.
While breastfeeding a newborn might be considered normal, feeding past a child’s second birthday seems to carry a different stigma.
Amy Layne is currently tandem feeding her two-year-old daughter, as well as her eight week old daughter, True.
Some parents feel that it is important for their elder child to be allowed or encouraged to continue breast feeding after their sibling is born so that they don’t feel pushed out by their little brother or sister.
Worldwide the average age to breastfeed until is around two and a half, but in the UK only 34% of mothers feed up to six months.
In response to the loss of followers Amy wrote on Instagram: ‘I lost 30 followers after sharing a photo of me breast-feeding Ever. So in response I will be sharing a breast-feeding photo once a week indefinitely.
‘I’m kicking this off with the highly offensive photo of me breastfeeding two children at once (one being over two years old). #normalizebreastfeeding#calmyourtits (Also, we are all vegan, I had vegan pregnancies and gave birth naturally without any medication if you want to really cap off your outrage.’
You can follow Amy and her tandem feeding journey on Instagram.
There are few things more annoying than arriving at work and realising that you’ve forgotten your headphones.
If you’ve got an office job you’ll now get to spend the rest of the day listening to whistling, chewing, sniffing and inane conversation about what’s happening this weekend.
Let’s say some kindly person does offer to save you from the symphony of irritation. Is it okay to take them? Is it safe to share headphones?
According to PushDoctor.co.uk’s online GP Dr Prudence Knight, it rather depends.
‘This one is a matter of degrees of risk. All skin surfaces are teaming with microbes most of them either friendly or neutral with the odd bad guy mixed in. Our ears are no different-covered in bugs which are transferred to headphones or ear buds.
‘The tight fit of earbuds and the potential to get ear wax on them increases the grossness factor but any headphone or earbud is likely to be covered with microbes.
‘If we use someone else’s headphones these microbes can be transferred to our ears. Most of the time this isn’t a problem but if they carry a particularly nasty bug or we are particularly sensitive we might be more likely to develop an infection as a result. The risk is small and most people who share headphones or earbuds don’t develop infections.
‘The greater risk is to our hearing from excessive volume especially when using earbuds.’
So actually, it’s probably fine, especially if we’re talking about over ear headphones rather than earbuds. Just don’t turn the volume up too loud, because as Dr Knight says, that’s actually dangerous.
Reality TV stars Chloe Ferry, Marnie Simpson and Lauren Goodger (Picture: Instagram/ Metro.co.uk)
While binge-watching The Online Way is Essex last year, I made an observation.
At one point in the series, only a few of the recurring cast in opening credits were immediately recognisable, due to a summer of procuring fillers and Brazilian butt lifts.
It was by no means a gradual change – the new opening sequence couldn’t have been more than two years old – but I, like so many others, am so accustomed to reality TV stars sporting entirely different faces within a few series, that it took me a few episodes to realise it.
Celebrities and cosmetic surgery is hardly new or news.
The road to success in Hollywood is paved with elicit nose jobs and breast enlargements, and ageing stars injecting life into fledging careers with Botox. Cosmetic surgery is a personal choice that for many people can vastly improve their self-esteem and therefore, their lives.
But it is worrying that in recent years we have become numbed to the extent and extremity of these procedures.
For many reality TV stars and influencers, extensive surgery has become part and parcel of general upkeep. And instead of this generating a conversation about the root cause, the women in question face non-stop judgement and ridicule, narcissism held up as the culprit.
As a result, candid interviews with reality stars about body dysmorphic disorder (a psychiatric condition that leads sufferers to adopt distorted, negative beliefs about their appearance that doesn’t reflect reality) are written off as tabloid fodder.
In 2018, pictures of ex-TOWIE star Lauren Goodger, sporting an uncharacteristically large jaw and lips went viral, but the accompanying story – that her friends were worried she was ‘addicted to the procedures’ and suffered from ‘crippling insecurities’ – was largely ignored.
According to research, nearly one in 10 patients seeking facial plastic surgery suffers from a mental illness connected to body image and doctors are rarely aware of it.
While I’m no doctor, I’m confident it’s something more women in the public eye are developing due to continued scrutiny, as many have confirmed this themselves. Take Geordie Shore’s Chloe Ferry, who said she developed body dysmorphia after appearing on the show.
From Charlotte Crosby to Holly Hagan, almost every female member of the cast has drastically changed her appearance to the point of genuine concern from fans. Recently, Marnie Simpson revealed she ‘was getting to a point where surgery felt like getting makeup done’.
Her honesty was met with little sympathy, but the pictures welcomed a cacophony of shaming.
It’s important to identify what’s happening for what it is, but increasingly difficult because of who it affects – those whose careers are often hinged on self-image and self-absorption. Kim Kardashian famously had a meltdown over unmodified images of her on the internet, yet her comments went amiss.
‘It’s like literally giving me body dysmorphia,’ she said.
The historical pressure for women to be beautiful still exists, compounded by celebrities and the hypervisibility of social media, as well as the innate need for us to compare ourselves on these platforms.
‘I think the world has always been, where there’s somebody smarter and more successful, better-looking, taller, whatever than you,’ Billy McFarland, co-founder of the influencer-led Fyre Festival, said in the recently aired documentary on the event.
‘But people didn’t see it as much as they’re exposed to it now. They weren’t in your face all day long.’
It’s true – Instagram is a catalogue of proof you can always improve. Sure, comparison to celebrities has robbed women of their self-esteem for years, but back in the day they were only seen in snippets through films, music videos and magazines.
Now, a new-found roster of ‘beautiful but normal’ people are presented to us as peers – we see them daily on Instagram and Snapchat stories, with the distance that previously negated any relatability, gone.
We have even created a comparison to ourselves that has never existed outside of a digital plane, but becomes reality under the knife.
Doctors are used to people presenting them with pictures of celebrities they hope to emulate, but now are being met with patients’ own filtered selfies with people wanting to achieve the cheekbones, bug eyes and slighter nose they have in pictures. It’s referred to as ‘selfie dysmorphia’ or ‘Snapchat dysmorphia’, often downplaying the severity of mental health issues to a silly, self-centered millennial condition.
The terrible thing about body dysmorphia is that the cure is psychological, not physical.
There is simply no endgame in sight – by many of the womens’ own admission, regardless of the results, they remain unsatisfied.
As it stands, there is little literature on how many people with body dysmorphia get surgery, and very few doctors formally screen patients for mental illness. If these women are suffering from it, as many of them claim to be, doctors are aware that back-to-back surgeries will only continue to line their pockets, as opposed to cure the problem.
The doctors who should be helping them are instead fuelling an epidemic, and stigma around mental health and plastic surgery leaves the cycle unchallenged.
But the idea that the human body is a never-ending vanity project for the rich and the famous, stunts any real discussion about what is taking place.
Through our television and phone screens, we are watching a generation of women butcher themselves in real time, without sympathy or interest, because of who they are and what they do.
The only people who seem willing to discuss the reality of what is happening are the women themselves. Instead of finger-wagging and high horse-mounting, it’s high time we listened to what they are unambigiously telling us.
Find someone you fancy, hope they fancy you back, create some kind of union and possibly breed.
Only as the world has become more complex, we’ve messed around with that equation and now we do all sorts of mad things like internet dating or allowing our mates to set us up. And every year that goes by brings more complications. Naked dating? Dating by pheremone?
According to eHarmony 2019 is going to bring even more bonkers trends.
DNA matching
According to eHarmony, we might just get straight to business. Part of getting to know a romantic partner is about assessing if you like their DNA (when you kiss you exchange genetic information via your saliva).
eHarmony explain: ‘This year, we’re seeing the green shoots of a DNA matching movement, with companies like Pheramoar and DNA Romance measuring compatibility based on cheek swabs and body scents. Imperial College London suggests that this data could eventually be fed into algorithms to combine matching based on chemistry with long-term compatibility based on personality traits and values.’
‘Major histocompatibility complex (MHC) genes, which regulate our immune systems – and relate to taste and smell – are thought to influence mate choice. Evolutionarily speaking, it’s best to pair up with a partner who possesses different immune genes, to give greater protection to any offspring.’
Hologram dating
If you’re up for the idea of finding a soulmate but less into leaving the house, hologram dating might be for you. eHarmony says: ‘Ridley Scott’s Blade runner 2049 featured a beautiful hologram girlfriend who was eerily human. But we don’t have to look to the future for these innovations. A Japanese company, Gatebox, have already created a pocket-sized hologram called Azuma Hikari.
‘She lives inside of a small transparent jar equipped with a stereo speaker, camera, tracking and light sensors. She has the ability to send texts, chat and control lighting and appliances inside the home.
‘Meanwhile, technology is already available which could see you beamed live on to a first date, in real-size dimensions.’
Home assistants helping your love life
‘Alexa, help me feel less alone.’
eHarmony say: ‘Voice search will account for 50% of all online searches by 2020 according to ComScore data. Today, virtual assistants can already run through your matches on eharmony, give a summary of share messages, round up your daily activity and deliver profile pictures to your smartphone.
‘In the near future, listening devices such as Amazon Alexa and Google Home could also be able to diagnose the health of a relationship by cleverly responding to language and audio cues. They could intervene when things go wrong, according to a report with Imperial College London. In this way, AI could help democratise costly relationship counselling.’
So you might want to learn to say ‘Alexa, mind your own f**king business.’
Conscious dating
Not that we think you’re unconsciously dating right now.
‘When it comes to online dating, singles only have the capacity to communicate effectively with seven new people per week’ says eHarmony. ‘Even though they might have access to hundreds of potential ‘matches’. This finding comes from a study by University of Oxford in collaboration with eharmony who analysed 150,000 profiles and found 95% of users send requests to 12 new people at most per week, and reply to no more than seven.’
‘Meanwhile, many modern singles admit they’re battling ‘swipe fatigue’. Therefore, it could be that this year sees a rise in so-called ‘conscious dating’, with more investment in getting to know a finite group of singles and less aimless swiping.’
Sounds like good news for you and your potential carpal tunnel.
Sober dating
We’ve talked before about the reality of dating while sober. And as eHarmony points out, ‘a quarter of singles admit to drinking on dates for ‘Dutch courage.’ But, the getting drunk to make dating bearable routine has downsides. 21% of people admit they’ve kissed someone they wouldn’t have chosen to if sober.
According to eHarmony, drunk dating is on the decline. ‘These downsides are arguably forging a change in attitudes, particularly for younger generations. Half of singles (49%) admit that sober dating allows them to see a potential partner’s true personality. Going for a walk (40%), hitting the cinema (40%), or meeting over lunch (36%) or coffee (32%) are among the most popular alternatives this year.’
VR dates
We’ve been hearing that virtual reality is the next big thing for years. Could this be the year it actually takes off?
eHarmony explains: ‘2019 will mark the true dawn of VR dating: using headsets to interact with other singles as ‘avatars’ without leaving your home. Just think you could even spend your date in a virtual jungle location or dancing on the moon together. With Condé Nast and Facebook already debuting a VR dating show, this technology is certainly a step beyond the average wine bar.’
Instead of celebrating 28 years, Nicole wanted to celebrate 336 months. And they did so with a stunning shoot of Nicole wrapped in a snuggly blanket, wearing gold bows on her head and surrounded by greenery.
Just like baby photoshoots, Nicole snuggled up with a board next to her which read: ‘336 months old.
‘Loves – champagne.
‘Hates – Dating in 2018.
‘Go Tigers!’
Relatable, right?
In the photos, Nicole is seen trying her hardest not to laugh. Take a look below.
Here’s Nicole wrapped in a blanket surrounded by greenery and her birthday sign
With tonight being Burns Night, there will be plenty of eating and addressing haggises.
The traditional Scottish dish has been popular up north for centuries, but plenty of people down in England have no clue about what it actually contains.
It’s seen as a somewhat mysterious food for those who have never tried it, particularly due to the rumours that it’s all entrails.
The fact is, there is offal in a haggis, but there’s a whole load of other bits too, and it’s extremely tasty. There is even a delicious veggie alternative.
So, if you want to have haggis tonight, here’s what’s in the chieftain of the pudding race and how you should address it appropriately.
(Picture: Getty)
What is haggis made from?
Haggis has been eaten in Scotland since before the 1400s, if records are anything to go by.
It’s a lamb dish, combining the animal’s heart, liver, and lungs with onion, oats, suet, and various seasonings.
One of the things that scares people the most about haggis is the fact these ingredients are then cooked inside the lamb’s stomach. However, although this was true in the past, these days it’s more likely to be an artificial casing.
In veggie haggis, the meat has been replaced with pulses and nuts. Carrots and mushrooms may also be in there too.
(Picture: Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)
How to cook haggis?
On Burns Night, haggis is cooked the traditional way.
To make it, you simply simmer in a pan of water or wrap it in foil and pop in the oven with some water in a casserole dish.
Most haggises are already ‘cooked’, so you are simply warming them up.
Haggis aficionados recommend around 45 minutes of cooking per pound of product.
The rest of the year, you might enjoy a haggis supper from the chip shop, where a longer, sausage-like haggis is deep fried in batter.
Haggis bon-bons, arancini balls, and all sorts of other ways of serving have proliferated in recent years as people realise just how wonderful it really is.
(Picture: David M. Benett/Dave Benett/Getty Images)
What is the Address to a Haggis?
This is a poem by Ayrshire Bard Robert Burns, where he shares his love for the tasty meal.
It’s written in old Scots, and is traditionally read out before the haggis is eaten.
During the poem, the haggis will be cut open, and right before everyone tucks in they raise their glass (which is preferably full of whisky).
Here the poem is in its entirety.
Address to a Haggis in full
Fair fa’ your honest, sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin’-race!
Aboon them a’ ye tak your place,
Painch, tripe, or thairm:
Weel are ye worthy o’ a grace
As lang’s my arm.
The groaning trencher there ye fill,
Your hurdies like a distant hill,
Your pin wad help to mend a mill
In time o need,
While thro your pores the dews distil
Like amber bead.
His knife see rustic Labour dight,
An cut you up wi ready slight,
Trenching your gushing entrails bright,
Like onie ditch;
And then, O what a glorious sight,
Warm-reekin, rich!
Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:
Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,
Till a’ their weel-swall’d kytes belyve
Are bent like drums;
The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,
‘Bethankit’ hums.
Is there that owre his French ragout,
Or olio that wad staw a sow,
Or fricassee wad mak her spew
Wi perfect scunner,
Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view
On sic a dinner?
Poor devil! see him owre his trash,
As feckless as a wither’d rash,
His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,
His nieve a nit;
Thro bloody flood or field to dash,
O how unfit!
But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,
The trembling earth resounds his tread,
Clap in his walie nieve a blade,
He’ll make it whissle;
An legs an arms, an heads will sned,
Like taps o thrissle.
Ye Pow’rs, wha mak mankind your care,
And dish them out their bill o fare,
Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware
That jaups in luggies:
But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,
Gie her a Haggis
An American health-guru has claimed that celery juice has ‘miraculous healing powers’ for chronic and mental illnesses, bacterial infections and viruses.
Anthony William has 1.5 million followers on Instagram, and his claims have started a social media craze called the Celery Juice Challenge – with fans downing the green stuff every morning to promote better health.
But is there any truth behind his claims? Can this singular vegetable – which is predominantly made of water – possess such life-changing nutritional power?
Or is it merely a marketing tool targeting the social media generation? We took a closer look to find out.
(Picture: Getty)
William’s advice is to drink 16 ounces of celery juice every morning on an empty stomach, and wait for 30 minutes before consuming anything else.
He also suggests that if you suffer from chronic illness, increasing your intake to 24-32 ounces every day can have huge healing powers.
The spiritual health advisor claims that celery juice ‘has healed and continues to heal millions of people worldwide.’ But the scientific evidence to back this up is incredibly scant.
What William does say is that it is the sodium in celery that can help to break down the pathogens responsible for chronic illness, and can help ‘neutralise and flush toxins out of the liver’.
He also claims celery can eradicate bacteria, kill the shingles virus, and strengthen your liver – whatever that means.
William says it’s important to juice the celery, rather than just eat it because it has more nutritional value in this form.
‘The reason we juice the celery versus eating it is because juicing and removing the pulp (fiber) is the only way to get the powerful healing benefits for healing chronic illness,’ it reads on his website.
‘Eating celery itself is helpful and should be part of your diet, but you will not be able to consume enough celery to get the benefits of juicing it. You wouldn’t be able to receive the concentrated undiscovered cluster salts.’
A lot of this smacks heavily of pseudo-science.
Couple that with the fact the evidence of ‘healing’ appears to be mostly anecdotal, and the giant disclaimer at the bottom of the site affirming that, ‘nothing contained in or accessible from this blog should be considered to be medical advice.’
Basically – we have some questions.
We spoke to Harley Street Nutritionist and Author Rhiannon Lambert, who isn’t convinced that juicing is the way to get the best out of your celery.
‘Celery is pretty much all water, and you wont be getting any real nutritional benefits after the fibre is removed, which often contains a lot of the nutrition of the plant and helps with our digestion,’ Rhiannon tells us.
‘Celery isn’t particularly high in sugar but that being said drinking juices of any description may be harmful in excess to our dental health.’
And what of the healing claims? Rhiannon is confident that there’s little to no truth in that.
‘Juicing celery (and any other vegetable) strips away the beneficial fibre that helps you feel full, improves intestinal health and feeds the healthy bacteria in your gut.
‘The good news is that you’ve already got a detoxification system. It’s called the liver and no tea, juice or diet will do it’s job any better.
‘If you really enjoy bitter stalks juiced, by all means go ahead and drink it but if suffering unnecessarily isn’t your thing, just drink plenty of water instead.
‘Ultimately it is no miracle but if people enjoy it then that’s OK.’
So according to the experts, the claims on Williams’ website are, at best, wildly overstated.
There are certainly benefits to eating leafy, green vegetables – of which celery is one – and having a glass of celery juice every morning probably isn’t going to do you any harm.
But the overwhelming conclusion is that celery juice shouldn’t be described as a miracle cure for anything.
Anthony William isn’t a doctor. If you have chronic pain, illness or a mental health condition – talk to your doctor and a qualified nutritionist. Celery juice is not the answer.
We contacted William for comment and, so far, have had no response.
Two new dog breeds are set to debut at the annual Westminster Kennel Club dog show next month.
The breeds – the Nederlandse kooikerhondje and the grand basset griffon vendeen — will be competing in the show for the very first time.
The Nederlandse kooikerhondje comes from the Netherlands and is a ‘true sporting dog being keen, swift, tough, attentive and energetic,’ according to the American Kennel Club.
Juno, a grand basset griffon Vendeen (Picture: AP)
It’ll be competing in the sporting group at Westminster.
The second new breed, the grand basset griffon vendeen, originates from France.
A grand basset griffon vendeen (Picture: Reuters)
This pup has a shaggy, low-eared appearance and originates from a duck-hunting breed, which is now known for its gentle and ditzy attitude.
This new breed will be competing in the hound group, due to its love for sniffing around.
Nederlandse kooikerhondje Escher (Picture: AP)
The Westminster Kennel Club dog show is set to showcase over 3,200 dogs, and is taking place on 12 February at Madison Square Garden. It’ll air on Fox Sports 1.
While we’re of course excited to see thousands of dogs doing their best to take home a gold medal, we’re totally buzzing to see two new pups participating in the event.
Marie Kondo’s arrival on Netflix means everyone’s talking about clutter.
In the midst of vertical folding and determining whether keepsakes spark joy, you might feel some conflict emerging.
If, like the people in the show, you’re a couple trying to sort out your mess, you’ll come up against some questions: Why do you need that much stuff? Why aren’t you bothered by that overflowing cupboard? Why do you want me to throw my old jacket out, while you’re content with having 40 books you’ll never read?
The fact is, we have an emotional relationship to our stuff. Clutter is a touchy subject.
A comment on the clutter in our home can feel like a judgement on our failings as human beings, and our differences in how much clutter is acceptable is bound to cause clashes as a result.
But why is it that some of us are content with having piles of unnecessary stuff, while others feel anxious at the sight of sheets overflowing from a box? Why does mess have the power to cause screaming arguments, simmering tension, and breakups?
Our difference in clutter acceptance is thought to be down to three factors: how our minds function, how people see us, and the environments in which we live and work. Simple.
Let’s start with our minds. Put simply, some of us are able to work, get things done, and go about our lives surrounded by clutter, while others aren’t.
If we can’t fulfill the tasks that we feel are important due to clutter, we’re naturally going to get frustrated, but if we’re still perfectly able to get everything done in mess, we’ll be unbothered.
Clinical psychologist Dr Catherine Huckle explains: ‘Our homes are often considered to be our sanctuary from the wider chaotic world. As well as providing comfort, security and shelter, homes also need to support the activities of daily living.
‘When we acquire more stuff than our space can reasonably accommodate, our homes are compromised. They can become less comfortable, it can cause disorganisation or make it difficult to find things, it can become hard to move safely through the home and can cause actual safety risks.
‘We can feel displaced and it can be difficult to use spaces as they were intended (for example, kitchen work surfaces).
‘The overall impact of this is that clutter makes life harder, meaning a further psychological demand to add to those that we already experience. The emotional outcome is a sense of feeling overwhelmed and stressed.’
So if your mess is preventing you from filling a need, that’ll make you feel rubbish. That makes sense.
Some people, however, will find large amounts of miscellaneous stuff oppressive and overwhelming, while others will find having lots of things a source of comfort and safety. That’s primarily down to how we view the emotional meaning of our things.
Objects can become a source of frustration when they’re not serving a purpose or sparking joy. Think about a can opener. When you need to open a can, the presence of a can opener is welcome and appreciated. When you go into the living room to watch TV and find a can opener on the table, it doesn’t have an immediate purpose and thus it feels like pointless rubbish.
We don’t chuck out the can opener when we find it, because we know that we will need it again in the future. That’s the healthy response – we put the can opener in a place it can be safely stored out of sight and out of mind, so we can bring it back into our world when we need it.
What happens for some people, however, is that purpose and meaning is assigned to everything, even if it doesn’t actually serve any use.
(Picture: Ella Byworth/ Metro.co.uk)
Someone with a hoarding disorder, psychologist Patricia Riddell explains, ‘finds it much harder to decide what to throw away’.
Patricia tells us: ‘They will spend time imaging a use for an item. For instance, they might wonder about throwing away some item of clothing that they have not worn for 10 years but then worry that it might come in useful for a costume party and so not want to get rid of it in case they regret throwing it away.’
And so while you might see an item and think it’s junk, someone with hoarding tendencies will see at as valuable, important, and fine to keep wherever it is.
That’s why attempting to throw away a partner’s clutter can trigger such a strong reaction. To you it might seem like oppressive waste, but for them the items symbolise something crucial.
‘It’s all to do with the beliefs that are held about specific items or stuff in general,’ Catherine says. ‘Beliefs about the usefulness or beauty of an item, or a perceived sentimental value mean we can take pride and find pleasure in looking at them or owning them, and so we don’t want to part with them.
‘We can sometimes hold beliefs that having stuff around us builds safety, or that by parting with something we will experience loss, which can be a painful emotion and trigger memories of other previous losses.
‘It can sometimes be that that items are linked to memories (for example, a mug that you used to drink milk out of as a child) and there can be a fear that if the item is gone we will forget or it will somehow be indicating that we don’t care about or value that memory.
‘In the same way it can feel uncomfortable to clear out gifts, as it can feel ungrateful or as though we don’t value or respect the giver.
‘It can be that owning and curating your own items gives a sense of control where it feels lacking elsewhere in life or in earlier experiences.
‘Finally it can also come down to a disinclination to waste anything; the idea that everything has a use and can be recycled or repurposed, and that by getting rid of something an opportunity is lost.’
See what we mean about clutter being emotional? What’s one person’s clutter-packed hell is a source of comfort and safety to another.
Desensitisation is also a factor. It’s thought that if you’re consistently around a certain level of mess, more mess will become acceptable to you.
If you grew up in an untidy home, for example, you’ll be so used to overflowing bins or unwiped kitchen counters that you’ll essentially be blind to a stray sock on the rug or dust collecting on the TV. It’s standard, so you fail to notice it – leading to frustration from your partner, baffled by why you’re not taking it upon yourself to tidy up.
So when you turn to your partner, enraged, and ask ‘can you not f***ing see that mess? Why are you not tidying it?’ the truth is that they really might not notice it.
Catherine adds: ‘Children who grow up in very ordered environments could experience cluttered environments as very stressful due to low experience of managing this, but could also find it freeing, depending on their experiences and personality, and the examples they have been set by their parents (and even they way in which rules related to tidiness are enforced by their parents).’
Or the reverse might be true – if you grew up in a very cluttered home that also happened to be stressful, you might associate a tidy home with order and sanctuary.
Then there’s the fear of how we’ll be perceived, which is influenced by your upbringing too.
If you feel that mess is a source of embarrassment or shame (perhaps because you saw people reacting in a negative way to your parents’ home, or because you were told growing up that clutter is a terrible thing), you’re more likely to be bothered by piles of stuff.
‘Some people are front of house people who want everything on show to be tidy and don’t mind the kitchen drawer or under the stairs cupboard being a complete mess,’ says Patricia. ‘This can come from a desire to create a comfortable environment for themselves and visitors.
‘There are other people who are back of house people who want to declutter every drawer and cupboard but don’t mind e.g. leaving clothes lying in the bedroom since they are in use. Tidiness is about knowing where to find things and being systematic and controlled in where things go.
‘And some people will want both front and back of house to be tidy (complete control of their environment) or who do not care about either (life is too short to have a tidy house).
‘The goal for each group is different and it is the competing goals that causes the friction.’
If your need to tidy comes from a fear of judgment, then mess will lead to feelings of overwhelm and anxiety. The same goes if you need a tidy home to think clearly and get things done.
But for those who find comfort in having lots of things, it’s the act of decluttering that will cause anxiety as it feels like a loss.
Tension is bound to happen when you’re sharing a living space with someone who has an opposing emotional relationship to clutter.
‘A contrast of tolerance for clutter can make it difficult to live together as someone who is content to live in a disorganised way may not be able to understand the impact it has on someone who prefers an organised home,’ says Catherine.
‘The stress reaction is real and comes with a physiological response which can lead to irritation, anger, and impulsive behaviour.
‘In some cases it might mean the person feels they have no choice but to escape the situation – and leave – or, to dramatically clear stuff out without sifting the good from the bad.
‘From the other perspective though, it can feel controlling or nagging if you are content with your possessions and another is asking you to clear or tidy. This could cause difficult problems in the relationship if the rationale behind the clutter is to have a sense of freedom/control/safety.’
So that’s the why your partner’s clutter bothers you and they’re entirely nonplussed… or vice versa. But what should you do about it?
If you’re the tidy one, the key is to let your partner have some control. Throwing out their stuff or creating a tidying system that works for you will make a messy person feel like they have no power over their own living space, which can cause intense emotional distress.
Instead, tackle tidying together, and don’t deny what objects mean to them. What seems like junk to you could be precious to them, and dismissing that would be deeply hurtful. The compromise in those instances might be that your partner keeps that stuff, but they have to contain it to a certain area.
Remember that your other half might genuinely not notice piles of clutter, so get angry if they don’t tidy of their own accord. Be upfront and ask them to tackle a specific task, explaining that you’re finding the mess overwhelming.
If you’re the messy one, it’s all about understanding. Recognise that your clutter could be causing someone you love significant distress, and try to meet in the middle so you can both be comfortable.
You don’t have to go full minimalist and say goodbye to all your things, but remember this: once your stuff isn’t just an obstacle to get to the kitchen, but it’s cluttering up your relationship, it’s time to have a clear-out.
The average UK wedding dress costs an astonishing £1,500.
If you’re trying to have a more frugal wedding, or just troubled by the idea of spending £1,500 on a dress that you’re only intending to wear once, then you could look at buying a second hand dress, renting one, or buying from a high street store.
French Connection have just dropped their range of bridal and bridesmaid dresses, featuring their classic low-key chic designs. Check out their offerings.
But one girl made a little bit of a fool of herself by getting the date for her job interview wrong… by a whole month.
Just recently, Laura Maclean took to Twitter to show a few emails between her and someone at Microsoft, to discuss her Skype interview for a new job.
Laura had her computer all set up for the Skype call, then was puzzled when she didn’t receive one.
Confused, she emailed Microsoft, who told her the date of the interview was 18 February.
Still baffled, Laura replied to tell them it was the 18 February, and that she was awaiting their call – only to be met back with another email to tell her that it was in fact 18 January.
all dressed up ready n freaking out for my big skype interview with Microsoft and this happens. possibly the biggest noob on this planet hahahahaha if you don’t laugh you’ll cry pic.twitter.com/OKn2n8i39z
In a hilarious tweet which has gone on to receive more than 35,000 retweets and 180,000 likes, Laura shared screenshots of the emails, captioning them: ‘all dressed up ready n freaking out for my big skype interview with Microsoft and this happens. possibly the biggest noob on this planet hahahahaha if you don’t laugh you’ll cry’.
Laura had first emailed Microsoft to let them know she was awaiting their Skype call
(Picture: Laura Maclean)
To which they responded to remind her it was taking place on 18 February…
(Picture: Laura Maclean)
Still confused, Laura replied to let them know it was 18 February
(Picture: Laura Maclean)
They decided to let her know what date it actually was…
(Picture: Laura Maclean)
Has there ever been a better time to invest in a new diary?
On Valentine’s Day, nothing says ‘I love you’ more than receiving a bouquet of fresh flowers.
But flowers especially red roses can be expensive, which is a little daunting if you’re looking to place an order before pay-day.
But thankfully, there are plenty of Valentine’s Day flowers and delivery offers that are not only classically romantic, but also great value for money.
From red roses, tulips and carnations from top flower shops such as Interflora, Moonpig and eFlorist, we’ve selected 11 beautiful bunches for under £30.
Containing 10 stems, featuring a large-headed red Freedom rose, the Together Gift Box presented in a gift box, it’s just the thing to sweep them off their feet if you’re on a budget.
This bunch of goblets from Waitrose Florist is packed with a mix of white, cerise, purple, orange and yellow tulips and would certainly stand out from a crowd of red roses.
If you fancy yourself as a florist, this selection of roses and lilies from Next Flowers is delivered unarranged so that you can add your personal touch.
Free First Class Royal Mail delivery is also included.
Melissa and Natalie met in school (Picture: Black Girl’s Book Club/Metro.co.uk)
When two best friends decided to launch a book club for women like them, they never dreamed it would reach the heights it has.
Now, civil servant Melissa Cummings-Quarry, and lawyer Natalie Carter, are hosting huge, regular events for hundreds of black women – with headliners including Roxanne Gay and Malorie Blackman.
The pair, who have been tight since school, are determined to carve out a space that puts black women at the forefront of the discussion.
Tired of the marginalisation and secondary treatment by brands and corporate organisations, Natalie and Melissa decided to take matters into their own hands, and Black Girl’s Book Club was born.
The regular Book Club brunches have exploded in size (Picture: Black Girl’s Book Club/Metro.co.uk)
Natalie and Melissa bonded over books. Literature is their first love.
After leaving school, the two stayed close through regular catch ups where they would drink prosecco and talk about books, boys and everything in between. They knew they were lucky to have the kind of relationship they did, and they wanted other women to experience it.
‘We bonded over books and brunch, and we had the idea to share this with other people,’ Natalie tells Metro.co.uk.
‘The idea that you could come and discuss a love of literature with other black women in a really safe space just sounded perfect to us.
‘The most important thing about Black Girl’s Book Club is that there is no pretence. You can come how you are, how you want to dress, how you want to be, effectively – living your best life.
‘We wanted to create an environment for black women where they can be themselves, they can discuss issues that effect them, and they can discuss literature with other black women.’
‘Black Girl’s Book Club is our safe space,’ explains Melissa.
‘We’re best friends, and I just thought to myself – we are so lucky to have one another, wouldn’t it be sick if we could provide this same kind of thing for other black women.’
The journey to where they are today – hosting events for hundreds at the Houses of Parliament and Twitter HQ – has been rapid and incredible.
The pair still remember how nervous they were when they made the decision to host their first event in 2016.
‘When we first started putting our ideas on paper, we realised just how in sync we were – we had the same vision,’ says Natalie.
‘So we just went for it, we put it on Eventbrite, we found a venue and we just did it. We never had any expectations that it would grow this quickly, that we would meet this many amazing women.’
‘Amazing isn’t even a good enough word to describe the journey,’ says Melissa.
‘I can’t describe it. I remember thinking I would have to invite my mum and my aunty to make up numbers – but it sold so well, I had to un-invite them – they went mad at me!’
‘We sent out a Tweet, and before we knew it, we were sold out, and we actually had to issue more tickets. And we had been so scared that the whole thing was just going to flop,’ says Natalie.
‘When I paid the deposit, I actually prayed over it, I couldn’t believe that money was actually gone – but I thought, at least we’ve done it, and when it comes down to it, at least the two of us will get to have this amazing brunch, with all this food. But we couldn’t have been more wrong.’
In the end, 60 people turned up for the first ever Black Girl’s Book Club – and it has been non-stop growth from there.
It’s the ultimate side-hustle. Both women have demanding, professional careers – and yet somehow have managed to create something so powerful, in such a short amount of time.
‘That is just the spirit of how we work,’ explains Natalie.
‘We have always just done things, had our hearts in the right place and then the results have always exceeded our expectations.
‘So many of the girls who have come, have come on their own and built friendships. Now there are Whatsapp groups, Twitter groups, there is so much going on in the relationships between the women.
‘We have members who are publishing books themselves – who we are so, so proud of – and members who have so much planned for their futures. It’s just a brilliant space for friendships to develop, for women who want to write to meet other writers, and express their love of literature and also get that support from their sisters.’
The buzz surrounding the Book Club has attracted some seriously impressive talent. Attendees of recent events include, June Sarpong, Gabourey Sidibie, Malorie Blackman, Roxane Gay and Angie Thomas.
‘My favourite moment was when we had Afua Hirsch in as a guest. Tickets sold out so quick,’ says Melissa.
‘On the morning of the event she tweeted – “guys, just getting my hair and make up done to go the Black Girl’s BookClub” – and she looked sick!
‘She really went, in. It was just amazing, and I could just tell that she gets it, she gets what we’re trying to do.’
The gang with Roxane Gay (Picture: Black Girl’s Book Club/Metro.co.uk)
‘And our guests really stand for us as well,’ explains Natalie.
‘Munroe Bergdorf came along, and she had such a lovely time, when she left she said to us, “this is one of the best events I’ve ever been to,” – it means a lot to us that our guests have an amazing experience.’
‘There is an intrinsic link between us as black women – we are all connected,’ says Melissa,
‘And one thing I love is that we can be in the presence of Afua Hirsch, or Roxane Gay, and we can be just talking about boys, or what we’ve been up to at work.
‘They offer incredible, practical advice – Afua was telling us things like – “if you want to get a job working here – just do this” – so to get this kind of tangible advice from these people, who we assume are so cut off from us, is so helpful.’
Black women need spaces to call their own. This is something both Natalie and Melissa fiercely believe.
The hope the Black Girl’s Book Club can provide a sanctuary and allow black women the freedom to truly express themselves without fear of being sidelined or shut down.
‘We don’t necessarily need more support, but we do need reinforcement,’ Natalie tells us.
‘Day-to-day, as black women living our lives, there are these extra difficulties on top of the normal stuff – microaggressions, negative portrayals of us in the media, instituitonal racism.
‘It’s not like every day we are walking around with a chip on our shoulders, but it does feel like every day it is slowly chipping away at you – because the system is not necessarily designed for you.
‘So what we want to do is really look at just recognising that we are there, and that we deserve something special, amazing and of the highest standards.’
Melissa believes that the need for spaces dedicated to black women is as great now as it ever was.
‘In this day and age we can go wherever we want, no, we’re not actively restricted from going anywhere – but we have to be completely honest and recognise that we can be in spaces, and not feel as though they are for us,’ she says.
‘You can be born in this country, your mum can be born in this country, your grandparents can be born in this country, but there are some spaces where it is just made abundantly clear that it is not for you.
‘For example the corporate world – we just get on with it regardless, we find ways to navigate those spaces, and do what needs to be done.
‘Black Girl’s Book Club is designed to be a space that does cater to us – specifically the needs of black women. It’s a space where we don’t have to put our heads down and get on with it, it’s a place where we can actively thrive.
‘There are still so many spaces where black women are an afterthought. It’s still so hard for us to get make up that doesn’t cost a fortune. I can’t just walk in to Superdrug and pick up any old L’Oreal.
‘Everything we do, we do with black women in mind. A lot of people have asked us about our growth and our marketing, but all you have to do is put black women first. If you do that, then we will come to your events. It’s as simple as that.’
The pair believe that commercial brands and event organisers are missing a trick by excluding black women. They think that a lot of it comes down to communication.
‘Black women are not aliens, we’re not different to anybody else, we care about a lot of the same things. But so many brands just don’t know how to speak to black women,’ says Melissa.
‘I find that some people will see a black woman and they don’t know what to say. They’ll be talking about, “hey, sister, girl” – I’m not your sister and I’m not your girl.
‘Black women are the first thought at black girls book club. Anyone can come, it is open to anyone, but black women are centered here. Black women will be speaking first, so you might just be there to listen.’
(Picture: Black Girl’s Book Club/Metro.co.uk)
‘You have to remember that black women were coming when we thought nobody was going to come.
‘I remember the first woman to buy a ticket. She didn’t know what it was, but she understood the language. We spoke directly to her and as a result, she understood the vision.
‘I’m very mindful of people who come when it isn’t for them. It’s simple, it’s in the title. If you’re coming and you’re no a black woman, that’s absolutely fine, but you need to have good intentions and you had better be prepared to sit there and listen.’
Natalie agrees. As much as these events are open to everyone, she thinks it’s really important to come along with the right mindset if you’re not a black woman.
‘There needs to be an ability for people to be in certain spaces and not feel as though they have to centre themselves, or put their stamp on it,’ says Natalie.
‘I feel like often there is a tendency for people to want to instruct, and offer opinions – particularly when it comes to issues of diversity.
‘But what we need is for people to actually listen to our experiences, before jumping in with the advice. People are so quick to dismiss someone else’s emotions before even hearing their experiences.
‘In the same way that I, as a straight woman, wouldn’t go to an LGBT event and start telling people how they should feel or how they should run their sessions – that’s what we don’t need when it comes to the Black Girl’s Book Club.’
The entire ethos of the Black Girl’s Book Club is the opposite of intimidating. They want it to be open and welcoming and for their guests to feel empowered to contribute to the discussion.
To help people feel more relaxed, Natalie and Melissa made the decision to ditch the formal structures of panel discussions.
‘There is no panel,’ says Natalie.
‘People just say their piece and have discussions about things that are important to them. We encourage fluidity and openness.
‘We don’t have rigid structures, or prescribe the number of people who are going to speak – we ask questions and let people discuss and debate between themselves.’
‘We don’t do cliques,’ adds Melissa.
‘We don’t have a core group, we don’t have a “cool table”, we are all black women from all walks of life, and what you have to say is just as important as what I have to say.’
So, what is Burns Night and why should we celebrate it?
Burns Night marks the anniversary of legendary Scottish bard Robert Burns’s birthday, on the 25th January. Whisky, haggis, and poetry combine in abundance every year on this date, as people across the world come together for a wee dram to celebrate the life and work of this national treasure and his enduring legacy.
We’ve been scouring the best places to drink to Burns – and to the haggis – around London and are happy to share some of our favourite offerings. Tartan optional.
LONDON – JANUARY 24: Man with traditional Scottish tartan holds a book with Robert Burns face on it at Burns Night January 24, 2004 in London, England. Scots across the world annually celebrate the life of Robert Burns, the country’s most famous bard, with recitations of his poetry, the eating of haggis and imbibing of whisky. (Photo by Graeme Robertson/Getty Images)
Starting with Cub restaurant who are collaborating with progressive Hebridean distillers Bruichladdich to create a five-course tasting menu complemented by bespoke cocktails from their Port Charlotte whisky range and The Botanist gin.
What we love about this is that through their shared passion for sustainability and traceability, PHD and Cub have joined forces with Craig Grozier, in-house chef for the distillery and founder of the innovative dining concept Fallachan in Glasgow (so it’s authentically Scottish). Craig will take the reins of the Cub kitchen with his unique style, incorporating native, foraged ingredients into the dishes.
Neo Caledonia- a martini-style drink created with both Port Charlotte 10 and The Botanist
Be sure to try the exclusive Burns Night cocktail – Neo Caledonia- a martini-style drink created with both Port Charlotte 10 and The Botanist.
The cocktail pays homage to all that modern Scotland’s great landscapes have to offer, with wild foraged berries fermented with birch syrup, pepper dulse to give an umami edge, and a touch of barley vinegar from Orkney to brighten and balance. It is topped off with a pickled berry and pine-infused Port Charlotte spritz, bringing the wild and foraged flavours of Scotland to life.
From east to west, the flatmates at The Little Blue Door are turning their flat into a celebration of all things, well… Scottish. The flatmates have also joined forces with Islay’s Port Charlotte whisky and The Botanist gin, along with London’s favourite Scottish restaurant Mac & Wild for a right old Highland hurrah fit for Mr Bobby Burns himself.
Wear tartan and kilts and get ready for a raucous house party like no other as you sip on delicious concoctions such as Tarte Tartan Old Fashioned with Port Charlotte 10, or a Smokey Sage Martini made with The Botanist Gin, whilst tucking into complimentary HaggisPops from Scottish champions, Mac & Wild.
Expect Scottish-themed films including Braveheart playing in the living room all evening, while bagpipes will sound through the speakers alongside Scottish singing and dancing classics.
For those who enjoy a rooftop view, we’ve got just the thing: Skylight at Tobacco Dock. This evening will also kick off the closing weekend of Skylight’s winter season.
Glenfiddich whisky will be giving the rooftop a boozy makeover in honour of Ole’ Burns, bringing with them signature whisky drinks. Entertainment, aside from the rooftop ice rink, will co
me from traditional Scottish musicians alongside the spectacle of a rooftop ceilidh.
Skylight’s rooftop igloos will also be available to book – the perfect place to pull up a blanket and sip on mulled drinks to warm the cockles. Street food will also be on offer, with some Scottish twists added to the menu.
For a decadent culinary experience, Michel Roux Jr will be hosting a real celebration of Scotland on Burns Night with a five course Scottish tasting menu and accompanying Balvenie whisky pairings at Roux at Parliament Square.
The night will kick off at 6.30pm, starting with a welcome drink and canapés before sitting down to a Smoked Haddock Broth with confit egg yolk & barley, followed by traditional Haggis, Neeps & Tatties.
inishing off the savoury dishes will be Venison Loin, red cabbage and parsnip. Two seasonal Scottish desserts will be served, firstly a Rhubarb Cranachan and then a Clootie Pudding with clotted cream. Tickets are £130pp, £250 for 2 or £490 for 4.
Plum + Spilt Milk at Great Northern Hotel will be celebrating with their annual Burns Night Dinner.
Chef Director Mark Sargeant will feature quintessentially Scottish dishes paired with Dalmore whisky, including Arbroath Smokie, leek & whisky soup alongside 15 year old Dalmore. Traditional Haggis, neeps & tatties with Dalmore Cigar Malt will also be served, ceremonially piped into the room by a bagpiper. £70 per person including the whisky pairing.
Traditional haggis, neeps & tatties at Plum + Spilt milk
An animal shelter has been inundated with requests to adopt a puppy that was snatched and dumped on a building site by a hawk.
Officials at the Austin Animal Centre in Texas say they’ve been bombarded with adoption requests for the six-week-old chihuahua.
The cute dog miraculously survived being grabbed by a hawk then dropped on a building site.
‘We’ve received absolutely tons of adoption applications for him and his foster has narrowed it down to a few candidates, so we’re no longer accepting applications for him,’ said Jennifer Olohan, spokesperson for the Austin Animal Center.
‘We have some really amazing families to choose from for him, but we hope people will come adopt one of the hundreds of other pups we have at our shelter who are still looking for their forever home,’ she added.
The puppy was dropped on the construction site on 11 January, and was found after construction workers in Austin heard yelping and began to search the site for the distressed animal.
They realised that the cries were coming from above them in the sky. Soon afterwards they spotted the pup, who had been clutched in the claws of a hawk flying overhead.
(Picture: Jennifer Olohan /SWNS.COM)
The hawk dropped the pup and the builders rushed to his rescue. The tiny chihuahua was then transported to a local vet, but no owner could be located, so he was transferred to the Austin Animal Center.
At the shelter the pup was named named Tony Hawk, after the famous skateboarder, and given a little Superman sweater.
Remarkably Tony Hawk’s injuries were not too severe.
‘He had some cuts on his little head and shoulders from the hawk’s talons, but that was it really,’ said Jennifer.
(Picture: Jennifer Olohan /SWNS.COM)
‘Despite his large fall he hadn’t suffered any broken bones or internal injuries at all.’
Seven-week-old Tony was treated for his minor wounds and placed with a loving foster carer until he can be given a more permanent home.
‘He’s still very young so he needs a couple more weeks in foster care before he is old enough to be neutered and then placed for adoption,’ said Jennifer.
‘He’s doing great now. He’s definitely happy and healthy, he loves being around people and playing with toys, doing all the things a regular puppy loves to do.’
