Scientists followed one per cent of England and Wales’ population over 50 years and came to the conclusion that child free women were considerably more likely to die of cancer as a result of their single lifestyle.
The researchers believe ‘clear behavioural changes’ take place when you start a family, including drinking less and not staying out late, which may protect against cancer.
So far there doesn’t seem to be an answer to the question ‘why does staying out late for fun give you cancer, but sleep deprivation from having kids doesn’t?’
The research was carried out by The University of Klagenfurt, Austria, and led by Professor Paul Schweinzer, from the department of economics.
The scientists analysed data on parental status, marital status and salary from the Office for National Statistics Longitudinal Study.
Mothers also have half the risk of dying from infectious diseases or non mothers.
The researchers concluded this might be because of the ‘parental co-immunisation hypothesis’ – AKA your kids boosting your immune system by exposing you to all kinds of new germs.
So, becoming a parent might well extend your life expectancy.
That said, some of those who’ve spent the day babysitting a toddler might argue that they’d rather take their chances on the disease front.
Photographer Jessica Wiseman wanted to explore toxic masculinity – the idea that society expects men to embrace behaviours and traits that make them seem more masculine and in turn shun anything deemed too ‘feminine’.
But instead of giving her own definition of it, she decided to photograph men around the world and asked them what the phrase means to them.
‘I believe masculinity is not monolithic and exists on a spectrum,’ she explains on her website. ‘I wanted to create a diverse collective of men who believe it’s okay to possess and express the qualities and characteristics that they are directly and indirectly told they shouldn’t.
‘I hope that these ideas will spread and reach the men who are struggling to accept that things like emotional vulnerability and compassion are strengths and not weaknesses.
‘It is the words and voices of men alone that will influence and encourage other young men to think about their actions and reject the toxic masculinity that they may be surrounded by.’
So, she asked to explain in their own words how to be a man. This is what they had to say:
Denom, Nepal.
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s ok for me to show my emotions and cry. There is nothing wrong with showing your soft side. We all are humans and these feelings are completely normal. I would say it is vital for men to cry, to let their emotions out and share their feelings with others.
‘There are cultures where men are not supposed to cry or at least hide their weaknesses, it’s better if they seem more controlled and emotionally numb.
‘We hear phrases like, ‘don’t be a p*ssy’, ‘stop being a girl’ a lot. If we keep hearing phrases like these, what do boys all around the world think about being boys today? Whom will they look up to, and how will they navigate the transition from being boys to becoming men?’
Jason, Belgium.
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s ok for me to not compare the differences between men and women. We are all human and that is all that should matter.’
Sonam, Tibet.
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s ok for me to disregard and denounce some of my cultural traditions and values if they are rooted in sexist ideologies and prejudice. This way of thinking perpetuates a world in which male chauvinism and misogyny will continue to run rampant, a world in which my mother, sisters and potential daughters must live.’
Sam, Australia/U.K
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s ok for me to acknowledge the role men have played in establishing a system that does not value women as much as men, and the responsibility men have in changing this reality. Its ok for me to acknowledge that when we talk about ‘violence against women’ we are talking about violence that is being perpetrated by men. Its ok for men, like me, to take a stand – to step up and speak up – to alter the expectation of what it means to be a ‘man’.’
Naryan, Northern Ireland/ Nepal
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s okay for me to be vulnerable. I believe we are all made up of masculine and feminine energies. The masculine becomes toxic when it doesn’t allow itself to feel, when it responds to hurt with aggression rather than understanding. It’s hard to be vulnerable, especially because the hurt is deeper when you are; but real men can be vulnerable, and can be hurt, and it’s okay.’
Arnaud, Belgium
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s okay for me to ask for directions. A man asking for directions seems to imply admitting that you can’t figure it out on your own. I think we often want to prove we can do it and asking for directions is seen as some sort of weakness or defeat.’
Caspar, The Netherlands
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s okay for me to be insecure. I have always felt like, as a man, I am supposed to be confident and dominant, and not supposed to ever feel shy or insecure. This pressure of masculinity made it very difficult for me to deal with my insecurities. Learning to accept them helped a lot in understanding, and in the end, dealing with them.’
Sushrut, Nepal
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s okay for me to wear make-up. Being a straight man affords me the privilege of being comfortable. Because, as a man, I sit at the very centre of the system that creates the dominant narratives about the world. However, people who don’t identify as straight men don’t have the same luxury.
‘The very act of self-expression can be fraught with inconveniences. So it is important for me that I use my relative position of privilege to highlight ways in which non-traditional modes of expression are equally valid. Presenting myself in traditionally feminine ways is a way for me to assert that healthy masculinity allows a space for expressions that are as varied as the people who make them.’
Alberto, Spain
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘Its okay for me to disagree with the classic stereotype of what it means to be a ‘gentleman’. Among the many, there is a very romanticised ideal of gentlemen and how they are meant to behave that exists and it is even imposed on men by some women.
‘I am not saying I disagree with being polite and respectful but with how we are expected to conduct ourselves in certain situations. For example, the idea that men must earn more, be more responsible and hold higher positions to those of women, is not correct. This behaviour also feeds into and creates gender inequality. Men face a lot of pressure to live up to these very specific ideologies and if we don’t, we fall short.’
Zach, USA
(Picture: Jessica Wiseman)
‘It’s okay for me to be the little spoon. Men like being cuddled too.’
When she was just seven months old, eight-year-old Amy Lee had surgery to treat a serious heart condition.
She became ill on Christmas Day and was diagnosed with patent ductus arteriosus (PDA).
All babies are born with such a hole in their heart; it exists in order for the blood to circulate to the lungs while they are in the womb, however it should automatically close a few a days post-birth.
If left untreated, it can cause permanent damage to both the heart and lungs.
Amy wants to be a model and fulfilled her dream not long ago, as she took the runway at fashion week events in both London and New York.
Her mother Jennie, who works as a sales representative and lives in East Grinstead in West Sussex, spoke to the Evening Standard about Amy’s success.
(Picture: Lee family / SWNS)
‘Amy is in her element when modelling and has a beaming smile on her face,’ she said.
‘She just lights up when she’s on the catwalk. I’m so proud of her, especially given what she’s been through.
‘It was the worst time of my life when Amy was ill. But the doctors and nurses provided brilliant care and support.’
(Picture: Lee family / SWNS)
The model was signed to an agency when she was just five years old, and has starred in adverts for supermarkets including Lidl and Sainsbury’s, as well as for designer brands like ME clothing.
‘Amy was pretty sick when she arrived and her heart was becoming enlarged,’ said Mr Bell, her surgeon at Evelina London Children’s Hospital in Lambeth.
The consultant paediatric cardiologist performed the keyhole surgery on Amy by inserting a plug into her heart through a tube in her leg.
He also said it was ‘wonderful’ to see the progress she’s made.
During London Fashion Week, Amy took part in a children’s fashion show.
She is due to return for the next round of fashion week this coming September.
One in four Brits are currently on a waiting list for a medical appointment, a study has found.
Unfortunately, this news is not surprising. As more people call their GP surgeries to book appointments, some for small problems such as common colds, the waiting lists are getting bigger, especially when it comes to mental health, with people waiting up to a year for the start of treatment.
Three in 10 people have made an appointment to see a GP, which is yet to happen, while another one in three are waiting to see a specialist after being referred by their doctor.
And, just over a fifth are waiting to have an operation following their diagnosis.
But while one in 10 are simply looking to get a new prescription, one in five are awaiting a potentially life-changing diagnostic test.
It also emerged the average adult of working age has to wait four weeks for a vital diagnosis or consultation – although 15% are waiting seven weeks or longer.
As a result, nearly one in 10 respondents rate their satisfaction of waiting times as zero or one out of 10 – zero being ‘totally unsatisfied’.
This research was conducted by UK health and wellbeing provider Beneden Health and Medical
Director Dr John Giles said: ‘Unfortunately, many patients with undiagnosed serious conditions do not always meet urgent NHS referral criteria and often have to wait too long for a diagnosis.
‘Early diagnosis is important but a lot of people are more than happy to wait for non-urgent treatment once they know their condition is not life-threatening.
(Picture: Dave Anderson for Metro.co.uk)
‘Waiting too long to have your health concerns resolved can have a huge impact on daily life, not least the major impact on your employment and wellbeing at work.
‘The NHS is an asset that millions have huge faith in, but it faces ever-increasing pressures from new technologies and treatments along with an ageing population and increasingly lifestyle-related conditions such as obesity and diabetes.
‘With increasing demands and finite resources, the NHS is increasingly focusing on more urgent care and potentially life-threatening conditions such as cancer and heart disease, leaving less urgent cases to wait longer.
‘Sometimes the answer is to obtain private health insurance, but this can be costly.
‘Often people don’t know that there are affordable alternatives to traditional private health insurance that could help them get reassurance and return to full health sooner.’
While a quarter of the 2,000 Brits polled say they feel ‘understanding’ about waiting for an NHS appointment, 47% are left feeling frustrated.
And one in five respondents have sought private healthcare as an alternative to an appointment through the NHS.
(Picture: Phébe Lou Morson Phebe)
Worryingly, three in 10 adults have been on an NHS waiting list only to find their appointment had been cancelled.
But although half of these were informed as to why the appointment was no longer going ahead, the rest were left with no explanation.
Researchers from OnePoll.com also found nearly half don’t know what their current GP’s name is, reflecting the changing face of increasing demands being placed on general practice.
And three in five Brits would be happy to use a 24-hour phone line to access GP services, if one existed.
On average, the average adult believes they would use such a service six times each year – with a tenth believing they would dial up to 15 times.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
But while two in five Brits are aware of what a ‘GP e-consultation’ is, only 9% of the population have taken part in one.
It also emerged that to avoid waiting to speak to or see a health professional, three quarters of those surveyed have attempted to come to their own diagnosis.
More than two thirds have Googled their symptoms to try and find out what the issue is, and one in seven have consulted medical books for possible matches with their condition.
It comes after a separate survey by Benenden Health found that mental health was the most popular health-related search with more than 11.5 million searches over 12 months – a full report can be found here.
Dr John Giles added: ‘Alternative models to the traditional GP surgery have been growing for several years, with online ‘e-consultations’ the latest development.
‘This won’t suit everyone, but for an increasingly digitally-savvy audience that is used to online interaction, it could be the perfect way to access their GP.
‘There’s always the option for a GP telephone helpline as well if the idea of an e-consultation isn’t attractive.
‘E-consultations and telephone helplines just a keyboard tap or phone call away could also negate the trend towards self-diagnosis via the internet.
‘Whilst researching your symptoms online can be valuable, an over-reliance on ‘Dr Google’ can be dangerous if the information you read misleads you with false reassurance or unnecessary concern.’
But for those of us who are a bit culinary challenged or if you’re just having a night off cooking, there’s a new group for takeaways.
Like the original group, which has over 1.9 million followers, proud eaters are facing a fierce backlash and comical comebacks over their culinary choices.
One – called Leanne L – posted a snap of her super spicy kebab which had 11 giant Jalapeno peppers on top.
Colin Barnes responded: ‘Santiago called, it wants it’s country back.’
Steve Brown commented: ‘Johnny Cash called to say that is a ring of fire.’
Ryan Palmer joked: ‘Nice! That’s a decent ratio of kebab to peppers.”
Jason Porter quipped: ‘Sneaky feeling you might s**t the bed.’
Proud Mike M uploaded a photo of his unappetizing takeaway Full English in a carton.
Dave Bache posted a comment on the group which has quickly amassed 97,000 followers.
He said: ‘Breakfast to go*.in the f*****g bin.’
Another John Kerr joked: ‘Cut out the middleman, just flush it down the toilet.’
(Picture: RateMyTakeaway/Facebook)
Camila R bragged about her odd pizza topping choice of banana.
But Paul Butler said: ‘Who the f**k puts ham on a banana pizza?’
Adam L showed of his curry which looked more like dog food.
Charlotte Kelly was quick to point it out saying: ‘Mmmm Winalot and rice with a naan.’
If you’re the kind of person who needs a sugar rush in the morning then you might be interested in a new chocolate peanut butter cereal.
Good news then that B&M is now enabling your morning sweet treat with a new cereal.
The budget store teased fans with its new product on Instagram, captioning it: ‘Chocolate peanut butter cheerios! Available in store now, but you’ll need to be quick as everyone wants a bite of them!
‘Who NEEDS these this morning?’ The post sent shoppers in a frenzy as over 4,000 people liked an image of the item on Instagram.
Almost 1,000 followers of the 300,000-strong account chimed in to comment with their excitement, tagging friends who would be interested in a new breakfast staple.
One user wrote: ‘This is my fave by a mile! I’ve bought my third one since it came out in store!’ while another made plans for a quick trip to B&M: ‘we are going there first thing in the morning!’
You can pick up a box of the new Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios for £3.49. Each pack contains no artificial flavours or colours from artificial sources.
It also has 15g of whole grain per serving and is made with real cocoa and peanut butter. But perhaps try not to eat a portion every morning as a 30g serving of the cereal contains around 120 calories.
Martin Robinson, editor of The Book Of Man and the brains behind The Penis Gallery (Picture: Martin Robinson)
It’s raining cocks in my house. The deluge is unstoppable. Visitors are advised to wear wellies and macs because a tsunami of tumescences is behind the door.
This is what happens when you put a call-out on social media for submissions for a Penis Gallery and it ends up going viral in Russia.
I’m the editor of The Book of Man, and The Penis Gallery is the next event – happening 26 February at The Book Club, Shoreditch – at our Festival of New Masculinity, an event series aiming to deal with the issues facing men today head-on, and to celebrate new thinking around masculinity.
Now, despite holding events dealing with mental health and creativity, the need for men to reconnect with nature, and changing the way we handle grief, the Penis Gallery looks likely to be our most popular event, much to my surprise, if no one else’s – the PR team from our partners at Superculture gleefully dubbed it ‘The Night of a Thousand Cocks’.
Sex sells, but all of my messaging around this event has been that this is not porn – indeed the stipulations for photo submissions were we wanted FLACCID penises only, which not everyone abided by (yes, we know what a semi looks like, you’re not fooling anyone).
The exhibition is about sex only in that we’re using it as way to talk about sexual dysfunction and how penis anxiety can affect you as a man in general.
The message that this wasn’t about bragging initially seemed to take hold. Despite 4 in 10 young women reportedly having received unsolicited dicks pics, men were quite shy in sending them into us.
Perhaps for the straight men out there the usual dynamic was off – they were sending their pics to strange men who may not immediately invite them for no strings sex, as I’m sure most women usually do.
Until the Russians came in, unzipped, we were struggling, but I found that interesting in itself. Why the shyness?
Well of course, despite all the DM-ing (or because of?) penis anxiety is still the number one anxiety we have from boys to men. And guess what? The problem is growing.
A recent YouGov survey found 42% of 18-24 year old British men would like their penises to be bigger, with only 36% saying they were happy with their size. Cosmetic surgery firms in the UK last year reported a 70-fold rise in enquiries about penis ‘fillers’, which are essentially like lip filler injections for men, with fluid injected into the shaft to boost its girth and presumably remove wrinkles.
Formerly, erectile dysfunction pills were the preserve of older men needing some artery assistance but now it’s very much a young man’s game.
This can be shown with the rise of companies coming into the market after Viagra’s patent ran out in 2018, most notably the ground-breaking site hims, which has just launched over here after having been valued in the US at over $1 billion.
It has brought erectile dysfunction pills and baldness treatments to millennials by marketing to them in a youthful, relatable way which focuses on wellbeing and self-confidence, more like a GOOP for men – they also provide a service for notoriously doctor-averse men to get their hands on this stuff without having to have an awkward chat with a GP or pharmacist.
Hims recorded $1 million dollar sales in its first week less than two years ago – there was huge need out there.
The Penis Gallery by The Book Of Man
And where does this need come from? Well it doesn’t take a genius to point the finger at online porn.
Men have had penis anxiety long before PornHub, but undoubtedly things have been exacerbated by the swords flying around on screens everywhere (and we mean everywhere, 33.5 billion visits to PornHub in 2018).
The problem is, for a man, your penis is often felt to be the very root of your manliness.
Laura Dodsworth, whose excellent documentary 100 Vaginas screened last week, previously produced a book where she photographed penises and spoke to their owner’s about their anxieties.
Laura, who will be speaking about her work at our Penis Gallery, told me the she called her book about men in her Bare Reality series ‘Manhood’, because men often see the organ as the very heart of their masculinity. This means that if you have a small penis, you are therefore less of a man.
But guess what? The idea of what is the ‘correct’ size is distorted anyway. The NHS says most men’s penises are around 3.75in when not erect, and 5 to 7in when erect – a far cry from most online mega-dongs. More to the point, if you do have a smaller penis, why should that mean you don’t feel like a true man? Researchers say 0.6% of men have a micropenis, which would mean 200,000 of men in the UK potentially feeling this way, on top of the men for whom average just doesn’t look big enough.
Ant Smith, the author of the Small Penis Bible, who will also be appearing at our event, says his worries started when he was young. He says: ‘I was painfully shy and definitely didn’t want anybody to see me naked, which was difficult at school with its ancient communal changing rooms for physical education, but was much worse later when life was so much about “the dating game”.
‘Penis size anxiety is something I have been able to talk to my wife about, after years of building a caring relationship with her – but growing up there was no one you could talk to.’
The fact that penis anxiety is a taboo only adds to the effects on men’s mental health. Who are you going to discuss your ‘manhood’ anxieties with? Your friends, a doctor, your girlfriend even? No chance.
And for straight men, when do you get a good look at other men’s real penises? It’s not the done thing to have a butcher’s in the locker room (apart from rugby teams, obvs).
This touches upon the broader issues of how men and boys are socialised, where from school masculinity is about rejecting ‘the other’, the feminine, within which looking at or talking about penis matters may be seen as being ‘gay’, and indeed any such anxieties around that area seen as weakness. Such learnings can have detrimental effects that extend way into adulthood.
It took Ant a long time for him to deal with his penis anxiety. ‘Talking about it came about almost by accident (in my late 40s) when a very personal poem I wrote caught the attention of the world and went viral,’ he says.
‘What I can say though, is that talking about it was in itself tremendously helpful in terms of tackling the issues that anxiety causes. Most people are fundamentally decent, they may well laugh about small penises – but when they realise they’re also laughing about people, and people they know, things change. Attitudes change.’
Yet, there is still a good deal of work to be done in this regard as far as Ant’s concerned: ‘The social conversation is totally “out-of-whack”. Hardly a day passes where I don’t notice some reference to “size matters” on TV.
‘We only give voice to those who have (or prefer) a larger penis. We need to rebalance the conversation, be more open and vocal about the truth of the matter – which is that penises come in all kinds of varieties as do the people who have, or want them.’
Indeed this exactly where the Penis Gallery is coming from. To celebrate difference, show penises in all shapes and sizes, and give men and women a chance to have a good look at ‘real’ cocks that are a million miles from internet wangers.
Maybe then we can reduce anxiety and love our bodies for what they are. As Laura Dodsworth puts it: ‘Real beauty lies in reality.’
Britain’s fattest cat, who was returned to an animal shelter four times, has finally found a loving home – and we are so happy for her.
Mitzi shocked vets when she tipped the scales at 16lbs – almost double her recommended weight.
She was put on a strict diet to shed the pounds, but despite several attempts at finding her a home, she kept being sent back.
Now she has slimmed down to 11lbs and has finally been re-homed by the family of one of her old owners.
She put on weight because students in the area kept feeding her.
Staff at Woodside Animal Welfare Trust in Plymouth, Devon, said the constant to-ing and fro-ing to the shelter had a negative impact on the well-rounded girl.
(Picture: Woodside Sanctuary)
The gigantic feline, who is now nine years old, found four homes but was unable to settle and kept ending up back at the shelter.
Woodside manager Helen Lecointe said: ‘She’s such a sweet cat. We really hope she’s found her fairytale ending.
Staff said she had been ‘extremely unlucky’ in her hunt for a home.
Helen said Mitzi’s new owners had wanted to adopt her when their family member died but were unable to look after her in rented accommodation.
(Picture: Woodside Sanctuary)
The shelter said staff would be looking after Mitzi until April, when her owners were due to move into a new home.
She added: ‘We had offers from the US, Sweden and the Middle East, but we’re so pleased that we’ve found an owner who already knows her and loves her.
‘It’s been ever so sad for Mitzi.
‘There was an owner death, a change of circumstance and one owner became very ill.
‘It’s very unusual for a cat to be returned this many times but sadly she’s just been so unlucky.’
A cat born with no elbow joints has learned to move around on her hind legs, just like a T-rex.
One-year-old Juju can’t use her front legs like the average cat, because her limbs are permanently bent and her bones are fused where her elbows should be.
Most cats with rare bone deformities are euthanised, but Juju was adopted into a family home, alongside a number of other disabled pets.
Juju’s owner Karen Gorne, 51, adopted the kitten and her sister Jilly in March after they had been abandoned at the River-Oak Veterinary Hospital in Riverbank, California.
Karen and her husband Tim, 53, say Juju’s rare disability doesn’t prevent her from bouncing happily around their home in Salida, California.
Juju was also born with exceptionally large back paws, which facilitate her unique method of getting around.
(Picture: Karen Gorne / SWNS)
‘She walks hunched over or like a T-rex,’ said Karen.
‘She also has giant back feet, that look like rabbit feet, which allows her to jump very high and balance herself.
‘It means she is strictly an indoor cat because she could never protect herself outside.
‘Having no elbow joints means that her front arms are permanently bent.
(Picture: Karen Gorne / SWNS)
‘They don’t straighten. So jumping, climbing and scratching is difficult.’
Karen also cares for a one-eyed pug named Charlie and Duncan, a one-year-old French bulldog with a heart murmur.
‘The breeder wanted to put Charlie to sleep because his eye fell out when he was a puppy, but he lives a perfectly happy and normal life with just one eye,’ she said.
‘I have a soft spot when it comes to helping disabled pets.
Juju as a kitten (Picture: Karen Gorne / SWNS)
‘They just kind of find me…people know that I take in disabled animals, so they bring them to me.
‘I always say ‘I’m just going to foster this one’ and then they end up staying,’ added Karen, who currently has three dogs and five cats.
‘It takes time to care for them…with Juju, I have to make sure she’s not getting sores on her arms from walking on them, but it’s so far so good.
‘She is very loving, playful and happy.
‘All the other animals adore her too.
‘When people see her they are either shocked and a little freaked out or instantly in love.
A mum has joked that she needs to get a ‘designer vagina’ after discovering a portrait drawn by her daughter.
Family Days Tried and Tested asked their parenting community to submit their favourite children’s drawings gone wrong.
While most parents submitted some old internet favourites (a doodle of Buzz Lightyear saying ‘I cum in pies’ is always delightful), one mum shared a drawing her daughter had created depicting her mother in the shower.
The artful rendering shows a woman with breasts emerging from her neck, the classic mum hairstyle, a pointed nose, and rather visible vulva.
Take a look:
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested.)
The drawing has actually been going around the internet for a while now, popping up on Pinterest and Instagram with the same ‘I think I need to get a designer vagina’ caption.
So unfortunately, we can’t track down the original mum and tell her not to worry about her body.
On that note – and not to get too serious here – it’s perfectly normal to have visible labia, and surgery to change the appearance of the vulva is absolutely not necessary.
Of course, the entire drawing could be a fake, done by an adult for internet virality points.
But let’s just enjoy the drawing for what it is: One of those classic things that goes around the internet but still manages to make us laugh.
Handily enough, Family Days Tried & Tested shared a whole load of other funny drawings, which you can peruse and enjoy below.
Just two pals riding horses
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
We, too, love the bitch
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
A seven-year-old draws the act of washing their hands
(Picture: Family Days Tried & Tested)
This is obviously a train conductor blowing a whistle
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
A fish
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
A simple family portrait
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
A girl sitting down in the grass
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
What a lovely pop-up Easter egg card!
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
Ah, an old favourite
(Picture: Family days. Tried & tested)
A five-year-old’s drawing of his brother petting a rabbit
Dealing with your significant other’s parents is tricky.
What should you call them? Do you go casual and try out their first names? Or stick to Mr and Mrs to make yourself look polite and respectful?
And what about when they ask about your relationship? Are you supposed to be honest? Can you make jokes?
It’s a bit of a minefield in most cases, but few parents-of-the-partner situations are as uncomfortable as this one.
A 22-year-old man has taken to Reddit to ask for advice… because his girlfriend’s mum keeps asking about his ‘drumstick’.
And yes, she does indeed mean his penis.
The man writes: ‘I’ve been with my GF for a year now, and she’s a fucking badass, her mom on the other hand is uh…interesting…to say the least.
‘When I met her, she asked my GF all these questions about my job and family and whatnot
‘Then she got to..a more personal question
‘”Whats his “drumstick” size!? all men who are in this family/marry into this family have big drumsticks”.
‘I look mortified..and my GF turns to me with a “wtf” look on her face
‘We quickly leave, and the more we see her the more she asks about my erm….drumstick…
‘Last week when we saw her, she approached me and said “I won’t approve of you dating [My GF] until you tell me your “drumstick” size!” GF’s Dad looks super f***ing embarrassed and I can TELL he’s dying inside.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
‘I just turned around and went to talk with GF’s other relatives because..oh boy.’
So, to be clear, this isn’t just an isolated incident or a slip of the tongue. This mum keeps asking about the size of the man’s ‘drumstick’ at every opportunity.
Weird, right? What are you supposed to do in that situation?
Redditors had some words of advice, but all agreed that the man shouldn’t just put up with such an inappropriate line of questioning to keep the peace.
‘This is WILDLY inappropriate and you deserve much better than this treatment,’ wrote one Redditor.
‘Your GF should be shutting this down HARD. Because I can TOTALLY see MIL trying to find out for herself. Beware changing your clothes or going to the bathroom in her house.
‘What would you say if your Dad persistently harassed your GF about her bra size?’
Fair point.
Others advised taking the question more literally.
‘Well, actually, the drumstick is the bone from the end of the thigh to the ankle,’ someone wrote. ‘So, how long is your shin? Maybe pull out a tape measure and measure in front of her.’
Another suggested: ‘Cook chicken drumsticks for dinner when she’s over. Only that. When she figures out it’s an insult bite into one at her, and waggle your eyebrows at her.’
All good options, but we’d recommend the man chats to his girlfriend first to figure out if her mum’s obsession with people’s bodies is her usual behaviour. Then it’s time for a private chat about why it’s really not okay to keep asking about someone’s ‘drumstick’… unless you’re actually offering them some chicken.
Terji Rasmussen’s hearty laugh filled Maggie’s Bar before he got any words out.
Half pitying, half mocking, and clearly bemused, this friendly landlord politely explained to me – the lost foreign idiot – how there were no taxis available on the whole of Nólsoy.
It’s a tiny isle across the bay from Torshavn, the colourful and picturesque capital of the Faroe Islands, which itself is more charming seaside town than bustling metropolis
What did I expect from a country that’s home to fewer than 50,000 people? A quick and convenient cab back to where I was supposed to be?
Standing alone amid the ferocious ocean, the Faroe Islands are remote North Atlantic waypoints above Scotland, below Iceland and Greenland, and hardly renowned for transport links.
Remote Nolsoy (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
In fact, the recent rise in tourism to this country is entirely because it lies off the beaten track, offering untouched serenity, jaw-dropping natural drama, and enough mystical moodiness to make you think Tolkien himself had carved the landscape.
I reached Maggie’s by mistake, having boarded the wrong ferry when my schedule should have put me on another island altogether, and there was no way back for at least three hours, when the next vessel from the main port docked.
It wasn’t all bad news, mind.
This imbecilic error placed me in front of a fridge stocked with the best of the nation’s favourite brewery, Foroya Bjor, some challenging local aquavit, and a pub owner who has turned this single storey watering hole beneath a traditional house into one of the go-to Faroese musical haunts.
Walls are adorned with photos of native and visiting greats who have played here, from Eivør Pálsdóttir to Lena Anderssen.
The grotto that played host to a Summartonar concert (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
Gigs kick off at 8pm and finish in time for the last boat at 10.30pm, and the micro venue even hosted one leg of Summartónar, a summer festival that spreads its programme across the islands.
My happy accident set the tone for a voyage of musical discovery many visitors to this wild part of the world could easily miss.
After all, travellers are faced with hundreds of islands, islets and skerries to roam – many are so sparse, you’d be lucky to find another human while out exploring, let alone a sound system.
Even on the 18 larger rocks, isolation is profound, and driving with my guide – Jógvan Mørkøre of Faroe Trekking – across the second most populated island, Eysturoy, makes this infinitely clear.
Empty roads led us beyond bright red fish huts and fjord-side jetties, beneath imposing mountains and onto barren, peaty moorland while Dánjal, the Faroese equivalent of New York gypsy punks Gogol Bordello, surreally soundtracked this epic narrative via the car stereo.
Gjogv’s natural harbour (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
Eventually arriving at Gjogv, a hamlet set on a cliff edge leading down to a natural harbour, the conversation turned to the religious sermons and live performances that took place at this incredible landmark, and the bench back up top where Frederik and Mary, Danish Crown Prince and Princess, once sat to enjoy magnificent views out to the ocean.
The anecdote is a reminder of Denmark’s colonial rule – still in place today – although the Faroese are proud of their cultural independence and autonomous history.
In the centre of Torshavn, a rocky outcrop marks the 9th century foundation of one of the world’s oldest parliaments, amusingly named The Thing (or Tinganes) presumably because, much like modern Westminster, those involved didn’t really know what they doing at the time.
A short walk around the harbour brings a lighthouse and fort into view. The artillery gun was taken from a British warship, HMS Furious, which arrived with troops to preserve Faroese freedom as Nazi oppressors approached.
Liksteinur looking to Tindholmur (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
My lodgings, the recently opened boutique Havgrim Seaside Hotel, has handsome rooms with spectacular views of the sea and said monument, not to mention a breakfast to die for.
Rhubarb is one of the few things hardy enough to grow well here, so expect plenty, while turmeric and orange shooters provided an invigoratingly nutritious start to each day.
Further examples of self-sufficiency are found at Gasadalur, a settlement with a population of less than 20.
Until the 21st century, it was completely cut off from neighbouring villages, so mail was delivered each day via a steep mountain pass, and in return, the dead were sent back along the same route for burial.
Liksteinur, or ‘Corpse Stone’, is the only place the precious cargo could be set down for a rest along the way.
Gasadalur waterfall (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
A tunnel now provides a road connection, but the traditional hike is a must.
I journeyed with Jóhannus Hansen of Reika Adventures, who had to make this trip whenever he wanted to see his grandma.
En route, I caught a glimpse of Tindhólmur, an uninhabited rock that looked a lot like a dragon with its prominent peaks; and Mykines, where the best bird watching in the region takes place.
Most breathtaking of all, though, is the fantastical Gasadalur waterfall, cascading from land’s end to ocean.
As if those views didn’t inspire enough Norse mythology, the schooner Norðlýsið took me to the heart of my own legend, sailing incredibly choppy waters to Hestur (avoid the bow unless you have a very strong stomach).
Here, we traced the rugged coastline to a sea grotto, accessible only by water, puffins and arctic tern overhead.
Our schooner from the grotto (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
We then climbed aboard a small speedboat and ventured into a darkened cave for what may be the world’s most difficult-to-reach concert.
Running on Sundays and Tuesdays, this part of the Summartónar festival involved artistic director Kristian Blak collaborating live with a different artist on each voyage – we got Finnish guitarist Tuomas Paukku, whose gentile strings perfectly harmonised with the domineering French horn.
Having a Danish voice choir aboard with Faroese members was a happy coincidence; the Dopplers burst into impromptu song as tides suddenly changed, forcing us to abandon our intended route home in favour of mooring at the port of Gamlarætt.
Just up the coast, at Velbastaður, is another unique aspect of tourism in the Faroe Islands – Heimablídni.
It’s a supper club in a traditional farmhouse, with 150 mothersheep and mesmerising view out back, particularly at sunset.
Husband and wife owners Anna and Oli Rubeksen invite diners from across the globe for a hearty meal: the food was exquisite, company excellent and overall experience destined for the memory box.
Catching the sunset while enjoying Heimablídni (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
Those looking for something similar but with a tuneful slant should consider booking for Hoymabit, a traditional Faroese concert that takes place inside someone’s house, where tasters are served to song in a private living room.
It’s a big sell with visitors, but alongside major events such as August’s G! Festival (where international headline acts play in front of Atlantic swell at Gøta), locals get involved too – although homegrown musos are more likely to be found hanging out at Sirkus.
Located in central Torshavn, craft beer moths will be drawn to the impressive drafts and bottles at separate downstairs drinking den Borg Brugghus, but DJs and bands are regular fixtures on the upper floors, which resemble the UK’s best dive bars.
The food here isn’t bad, either, and comes far cheaper than most meals in a place where nearly everything has to be imported.
The finest catch imaginable is found less than two minutes from Sirkus, at Barbara Fish House, where centuries-old stonework and low timber-beamed ceilings accentuate the candlelit atmosphere, complimenting the spectacular cuisine.
Dinner at Barbara Fish House (Picture: Martin G Hewitt)
Another good spot for ale, an outpost of Copenhagen’s world famous Mikkeller, is hiding through an adjoining door.
For bites, the only logical option is the five course taster menu with matched wines, and while contents depend on available ingredients, the dishes are always served tapas-style, paying homage to an old trading agreement with seafood-hungry Spain.
Like so much about this incredible archipelago, that relationship isn’t exactly common knowledge, and my admittedly vague understanding stems from a first hand encounter rather than background research.
If nothing else, it confirms that, for now at least, those keen to unearth what the Faroe Islands are really about must make the journey for themselves.
Where to stay on the Faroe Islands and how to get there:
Hotel Vágar, in the picturesque village of Sørvágur, is conveniently located for the airport and has double rooms from DKK790 (approximately £95 per night), based on two people sharing, including breakfast.
Hotel Havgrím, in Tórshavn, has double rooms from DKK2,000 / approximately £242 per night (two sharing), including breakfast.
Flights from Copenhagen to Vágar are priced from £165pp return, or Edinburgh to Vágar from £180pp return with Atlantic Airways.
Experience a grotto concert from DKK450, approximately £55.
Hoymabit – the concert inside a local’s home – is priced from DKK398, approximately £47 while Heimablídni – where you can dine in a local’s home – start at 595 DKK per person.
For more information on the destination, accommodation and dining, see Visit Faroe Islands.
It stands for fear of not chilling, and pretty much sums up our entire existence. FONC is also fun to say, which is always handy.
The FONC phenomenon is the feeling you get when you don’t have time to do nothing.
You know that longing you get to just lounge around watching TV and eating biscuits? FONC happens when the world keeps conspiring to get in the way of that need, packing your schedule so you don’t have time to just chill.
FONC happens when you get so busy that you’re not sure when you’ll get to relax, causing an extra piling on of stress. So you’re stressed about being busy, which means you really need to relax, but this knowledge only makes you more stressed. Fun!
Giving into FONC means accepting that relaxation and doing nothing are necessary to longterm wellness and productivity.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
It’s saying ‘you know what, I’m going to skip this event to give myself some necessary rest and relaxation’.
Stephanie and Elizabeth recommend giving yourself ‘office hours’; time you have booked in just for yourself.
Write it in your planner and give that time the same respect you would any meeting or social event – time spent chilling is vital.
But while there are obvious risks in ignoring your feelings of FONC – burnout and exhaustion, for example – there are also problems that can arise when you do finally have time to relax.
The scarcity of ‘spare’ time can lead to free-time paralysis, when you look look forward to have a few hours to do what you need, then end up feeling as though you’ve wasted that slot.
That’s often down to a struggle to actually relax and feel comfortable doing nothing. We live in a world that prioritises productivity and busyness, so much so that not ‘doing’ something feels deeply wrong.
The solution to that is pretty simple: schedule in your downtime and acknowledge that you don’t need to have done anything by the end of it.
It’s okay to do nothing. It’s important to relax. Your worth is not based in all the things you can tick off a to-do list, and you need to be well-rested and recharged before you can be your best self.
Embrace FONC as a reminder to take time out to just chill. You need it.
How to use your free-time
Motivate yourself – set yourself a task and clearly identify what good thing you are gaining or what bad thing you are avoiding by completing that task.
Write it down to make it more tangible and more likely for your brain to retain the information.
Make yourself accountable – if there is something that you have really wanted to do in your free time but just haven’t been able to. Get someone else involved and make them hold you accountable. This will mean you are much more likely to do it.
Same goes for a life admin task that maybe you have been avoiding. Tell someone you will complete this by a certain time and get them to follow up with you.
Schedule your time – free-time should be just that and I’m not saying schedule every minute of your day and turn your free time into a work day. But by scheduling in some time for some key things you want to get done will help you achieve what you want.
If you can do this in advance, it gives your mind time to get used to the idea that you have time set aside to do only those tasks that you have planned.
The truth was, Eoin had suffered from some form of eating disorder for years (Photo: Sally Coffey)
In April 2017 I got the middle-of-the-night phone call I always hoped would never come. My brother, Eoin, had collapsed, and by morning he had died. He was 41 years old.
The official cause of death was bilateral pneumonia but I knew that this was far from the real reason: the truth was, Eoin had suffered from some form of eating disorder for years.
His frail, wan body was just too weak to fight a chest infection.
Eoin had always been a picky eater and though he slimmed down a lot in his teenage years, I think everyone assumed it was just a result of losing his puppy fat, or of his habitual dope smoking.
Warning signs, like insomnia and withdrawal, were put down to the fact he was creative (he was a musician) and he was confident and popular. He didn’t fit the ‘typical’ image of someone with an eating disorder.
It wasn’t until Eoin was in his mid thirties that we as a family realised something was seriously wrong.
Advice from Beat, the national charity that supports anyone affected by eating disorders, says if you suspect someone of having an eating disorder, the first step is to book a GP appointment.
But if the sufferer is an adult, they need to come to this decision themselves, and when disordered eating is left to fester for years, the chances are they will be resistant to help.
Eoin was in complete denial, often turning aggressive when the subject was raised, or alienating anyone who dared question his health. At other times he would admit he was underweight and speak of getting better, healthier, but it was as though some invisible force was stopping him.
He went to the GP on occasion – he had to, he became reliant on iron transfusions to give him energy – but as he was an adult, confidentiality meant that we weren’t party to the conversations that took place.
Eoin didn’t fit the ‘typical’ image of someone with an eating disorder (Photo: Sally Coffey)
I felt frustrated and wholly helpless. He was a grown man, it was his body, and other than try to make him see the impact his eating (or lack thereof) was having on his health, I felt there was little I could do.
I wrote to him, offered support and said I would help him get the treatment he needed but his response was vitriolic.
Then, just weeks later, Eoin agreed to attend an eating disorder unit as a day patient. My relief was enormous – finally, I thought, my funny, warm, tortured brother was going to get the help and support he needed – but it was not to be.
Just five months later, he was discharged. ‘I don’t have an eating disorder’ he told me, simply, and after that any attempt to speak to him about his eating was shut down.
After he died my mum applied for notes of his sessions at the unit. They had said he didn’t have an eating disorder – much to his GP’s horror, we learned later. But he had a dangerously low BMI and no follow-up was ever carried out. Would a teenage girl have been discharged so easily, I wonder?
Eoin told the clinic a litany of lies to excuse his lack of eating – from not having money to eat (despite the fact he lived with my mum and the fridge was always full), to extreme gastro pain (he had an ulcer, which he often blamed, but he was reluctant to take the prescribed medication).
He was so adept at explaining away his illness that he managed to convince the clinicians (perhaps even himself) there was no problem.
Early intervention is vital to successfully treat eating disorders – those treated within three years of falling ill have a much higher chance of a quick and sustained recovery.
According to research conducted by Beat, it takes just under three years from the emergence of symptoms for someone with an eating disorder to seek help, so from the moment they take that first step, time is running out.
For men like my brother, the situation is even worse. The same research found that it takes almost three times as long for men to get a referral from their GP than for females (28 weeks versus 10 weeks) – perhaps because there’s still a misplaced perception that men rarely get eating disorders – while those aged 19 years and over wait a significantly longer time for a referral than younger patients.
I believe if we’d picked up on Eoin’s illness earlier, he would have had a better chance of recovery and in my opinion a lot more can be done to improve the treatment of eating disorder sufferers, particularly male adults like my brother.
Firstly, we need to break down the stereotypes associated with eating disorders – not all sufferers are young girls, nor do they always have issues with body image. An eating disorder is a complex mental health illness that has many underlying causes, from psychological and environmental factors, to perhaps even genetics.
I also believe there should be quicker referral times, better training at GP level and more specialist eating disorder teams trained in the complexities of the illness for adults.
As a mother of two young sons, I’ve had my eyes opened to the complex ways in which eating disorders operate. I’ll never simply write-off weight loss as a rite of passage again but look at the person in front of me and ask myself: is something else going on here?
More support
If you suspect you, a family member or friend has an eating disorder, contact Beat on 0808 801 0677 or at help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk, for information and advice on the best way to get appropriate treatment
Everyone expects a lack of sleep when they have a baby but according to new research, sleep duration and satisfaction are affected for up to six years after giving birth.
The study interviewed 2541 women and 2118 men who were new parents to either their first, second or third child.
The researchers tracked their sleep from 2008 until 2015 to see when their sleep returned to normal after the birth.
The results showed that mothers sleep an hour less in the first three months after giving birth, and fathers slept 15 minutes less than pre-pregnancy levels.
Losing sleep with a tiny baby probably doesn’t come as a shock but the study also found that six years after giving birth, mothers slept 20 minutes less and fathers were still deprived of 15 minutes.
The paper, a collaboration between the University of Warwick, the German Institute for Economic Research and the West Virginia University, also found that sleep deprivation and satisfaction were worse for first-time parents compared to parents who already had children.
The effects were also stronger in mums who were breastfeeding compared with bottle-feeding mothers.
They also concluded that lower-income household families and single parents were not any more affected compared to higher income households and dual parent families.
Dr Sakari Lemola, from the Department of Psychology at the University of Warwick comments:
‘While having children is a major source of joy for most parents it is possible that increased demands and responsibilities associated with the role as a parent lead to shorter sleep and decreased sleep quality even up to 6 years after birth of the first child.’
But more importantly, we do it because we want to create an honest picture of what renting actually looks like – the good, the bad, and the miserably overpriced.
Renting gets a bad rep – for good reason. Costs are high, space is limited, and people are often ripped off.
Throw in parental shaming for ‘throwing away money’ and it makes sense to be a little disillusioned with the renting market.
We make do, though, finding the best property we can and doing whatever we need to make it feel like home – even if we’re not allowed to paint the walls and hang up pictures.
This week we’re seeing how Charlotte and Chloe have turned their one-bedroom flat in Arnos Grove into a home. We chatted to Charlotte all about their place.
They each pay just under £648 a month (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Hey Charlotte! How much do you pay to live here?
Our rent is £1,295 between us per month so that’s just under £648 each.
Chloe is in charge of the finance side of things but off the top of my head we pay around £50 each in bills including WiFi etc.
What do you get for what you pay?
We have a bedroom, bathroom and a kitchen that joins up to the lounge/dining area of the flat. There’s a long hallway which makes it feel like there’s more space.
What do you think of the area?
We’re based in Arnos Grove, North London. I’m originally from Buckinghamshire so I had no clue where was best to move in London but Chloe is from East Finchley way (and so are her family) so we chose to live somewhere North as it’s not so hectic.
It’s a bit of a compromise as there isn’t much to do in Arnos Grove, with the exception of Arnos Pools and a very unexciting Sainsbury’s but we both work in Central London so it doesn’t matter too much.
We have also got Arnos Grove park, Arnos Arms local pub and a doctor surgery and dentist both within a few minute walk so it’s quite quaint really.
The flat is right by the North Circular (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
How did you end up living here?
We’ve lived here since November last year, so not very long really.
I think we found it on Zoopla – I scoured pretty much every page and we locked it down the evening after we saw it.
I was really happy to find a flat that is relatively modern as we’d originally looked in areas like Crouch End which has definitely got more going on but the flats were old fashioned which is not my vibe!
I like to live in a really tidy and minimal space which is easier to maintain in a modern flat so we were really lucky to find a one-year-old new build.
The kitchen is also done up in a mushroom colour which makes me feel like I’m adulting on some kind of level too.
What’s it like living together?
I live with my girlfriend Chloe who I’ve been with for just under two years now.
It’s definitely been an adjusting period as I’ve never shared the same room with someone before but she’s my best friend so it’s cute coming home to her and we’re always laughing about something weird the other one does.
We’ve developed little routines which are totally old lady things but I love them – like cleaning the flat and going for a walk on Sunday and making each other morning tea before work. Chloe does the last one more than I do. We live a wild life.
The couple have been together for two years, and moved in together back in November 2018 (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Do you feel like you have enough space?
Where we’ve got the long hallway that breaks up the lounge and bedroom areas is nice as it feels like you’re not living on top of each other.
I’d obviously love to live in a big house in the countryside but for the time being a flat will have to suffice…. Having a balcony is going to be amazing in the summer though so I’m looking forward to that!
How have you made the flat feel like home?
Buying all the spices and condiments was one of the first things I did as we’re both into cooking and meal prepping for work.
The bedside tables and full length mirror in the bedroom have helped too as we didn’t have a mirror for the first few months which was a bizarre and unsightly situation for my outfit choices I’m sure.
In the lounge, I love the big fluffy grey rug and geometric light pendants I got from Dunelm and Chloe has three new ‘plant babies’ called Penelope, Kevin and Doris which have made the flat feel way more homely.
They say they like quite a minimalist style for their flat (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Are there any problems with the flat you’re dealing with?
The only issue we have is with the flat being right by the North Circular but we got used to the road noise after a couple of days so it’s not really a major problem.
We do however have a bedroom that faces the front of the flat and outside the walkway is always fully lit. We’ve had to stick black-out material to the windows to stop the light coming into the bedroom which is annoying but nothing a black-out blind can’t fix.
Are you planning to move again?
We’ll probably start looking to move somewhere else in London with more things to do after we’ve been here a full year.
That or I’d like to move back to somewhere in the home counties or an area that’s less polluted and busy.
Have you considered buying a place?
I’d like to be in a position not to pay someone else rent but at the same time I like the freedom that comes with not being tied down to one place. So much in life can change in a year!
True. Shall we have a nose around the place?
There’s one bedroom, one bathroom, an open plan living area, dining area, and kitchen, and a balcony (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Charlotte and Chloe aren’t big on clutter (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
But they love plants (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
See? (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
The balcony will be lovely in summer (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Charlotte loves the mushroom colour of the kitchen (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Everything is very organised (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Here’s the bedroom (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
They went without a mirror for a while, which wasn’t great (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
A lot of light comes in, so they’ve had to put up black-out material in the windows (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
And here’s the (very clean and tidy) bathroom (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
Top points for the pristine toothbrushes and a water pick (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
And what an organised caddy! (Picture: Susannah Ireland/Metro.co.uk)
What I Rent is a weekly series that’s out every Tuesday at 10am. Check back next week to have a nose around another rented property in London.
How to get involved in What I Rent
What I Rent is Metro.co.uk's weekly series that takes you inside the places in London people are renting, to give us all a better sense of what's normal and how much we should be paying.
You'll need to have pictures taken of your kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom, plus a few photos of you in your room. Make sure you get permission for your housemates!
You'll also need to be okay with sharing how much you're paying for rent, as that's pretty important.
Dom is as much a part of our families as our own parents or siblings.
He’s the little tracker that tells us when our pizza is coming, updating us from order to out for delivery while we hungrily watch on.
Despite Dom being one of the main people in this world that many of us trust, however, it turns out some believe he’s a scammer.
Over the years there have been various threads on online message boards with people questioning the validity of Dom’s timings, and suggesting that it’s essentially a pizza delivery ‘placebo’.
The naysayers believe that the tracker doesn’t actually track your pizza at each point, and instead estimates roughly how long it all takes to happen to make you think it’s coming at a certain time.
One Reddit user stated: ‘Placebo but kitchens are basically factories and factories know their cycle times very, very well. So it might as well be tracking it.’
Another said: ‘It’s an automated timer. Order a few pizzas and you’ll see it’s the exact same every time.
‘I think it’s f***ing bullshit. You’ll notice when it goes to “out for delivery” it slows to a f***ing crawl, barely moving.’
Bit too many expletives for a conversation about pizza, but this is a pretty mindblowing thought. Is it GDPR-compliant to abuse our trust like that? Why would the tracker even exist? Who would play such a cruel trick?
We needed to speak to Domino’s for clarification. They told Metro.co.uk: ‘We are pleased to put these wicked rumours to bed! Domino’s pizza tracker is a live system based on real-time information from our kitchens. With over half our drivers using GPS, many customers can watch their pizza progress from store to front door.’
But that wasn’t enough, so we pressed them further, asking whether it was a push-button system used in store to trigger each stage. They replied: ‘You’re right, each stage of the order process is manually ticked off by a store team member, right through from preparation to leaving for delivery.’
But that still wasn’t enough, because as well as being pizza-hounds, we’re also truth-hounds.
The dilemma that tracker truthers have with staff ticking off every single stage is that surely it would be an unnecessary level of work for the busy team members.
One anonymous customer told us ‘I once phoned them to query something regarding it and was told it’s not accurate to your own order it just takes the average timing for each branch.’
From people that worked there, there were mixed responses. One said: ‘It’s a bit of both… Basically it progresses from the first stage when the order is “knocked off” the screen which is supposed to be when the pizza goes in the oven.’
Another told us: ‘It isn’t real. It’s an estimation tracker that is based on how busy the orders have been at that time… They log when they start and then that’s it.’
A Metro.co.uk employee who previously worked there told us that from their memory ‘it’s estimated for the cooking process (people would always come to collect and it’d be ‘done’ but not out the oven yet) but if it’s for delivery then the driver has to log that it’s leaving.’
Due to the fact many Domino’s stores are franchised, standardised practice in each location might vary, which is likely what’s causing the variation in answers.
We cannot deny the extensive anecdotal evidence that there is a timer involved, though, which means that this blend of cooking timer and manual checkpoints does seem to exist in a number of cases.
Also, with the addition of the new GPS driver tracking in 50% of locations, once it leaves the shop you can at least be sure that any hint of mystery is gone.
Lady Gaga certainly pulled out all the stops when it came to her Oscars look.
The A Star Is Born actress has forever been a style icon, from her 2010 meat dress to her more recent Grammy Awards appearance, where she rocked crystal-studded eyeliner on stage during her performance.
And while Gaga is renowned for her outlandish beauty looks, for the 2019 Oscars Gaga’s longtime makeup artist Sarah Tanno toned things down and used Marc Jacobs Beauty to create a makeup look that featured a simple and classic eye, nude lip and glowing skin.
Sarah said, ‘her makeup was all about being soft, fresh and young. We didn’t want anything to distract from this special moment.’
The eyes were finished with a coat of the new Velvet Epic Lash Primer (£22), followed by the iconic Velvet Noir Major Volume Mascara (£22) – which even held up during Gaga’s emotional Oscar’s acceptance speech for Best Original Song.
‘If you have a dream, fight for it. I’ve worked hard for a long time, and it’s not about winning’, Gaga said.
For the lips, Sarah applied Le Marc Lip Crème Lipstick in Slow Burn (£27), a creamy rose nude shade and tapped it into the lips so you could still see their natural texture..
Lady Gaga’s winning makeup look for the Oscars 2019 (Picture: Marc Jacobs Beauty)
For the skin, Sarah used Shameless Youthful-Look 24H Foundation (£32), followed by the yet to be released Accomplice Concealer & Touch-Up Stick (£24), to create a flawless complexion without covering up too much of her natural skin tone. She then set Gaga’s makeup with the new Accomplice Instant Blurring Beauty Powder in Muse (£35), to blur any imperfections and enhance her red carpet glow – and protect the skin against flash photography.
As for her hair, Gaga paid homage to legendary Hollywood star Audrey Hepburn, with an understated up-do created by hairstylist Frederic Aspiras.
If you’re sure, 100 per cent sure, about the person you love, even if you actually sh*t yourself, it’ll be great (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
I proposed to my girlfriend last week. It is definitely the best decision I’ve ever made that didn’t involve a Tesco Clubcard voucher or adding my mum as a named driver on my car insurance.
For some three months I’d been planning, re-planning, brainstorming ideas, dismissing them and making changes last minute. I’d googled etiquette guides, Buzzfeed articles, tales of success and disaster, the I dos and the I don’ts. And I soon realised I was on my own here. I liked having a secret all to myself, but that brought with it no small amount of anxiety for someone as completely risk-averse as I.
I wasn’t particularly nervous about her response. I am, after all, consistently paying less than £300 a year fully comp, and rarely do a big shop without getting £4-6 off, so I’m quite the catch. But I was nervous about the proposal itself going wrong or, more terrifying, the surprise being ruined beforehand.
Various top-secret correspondences had to be undertaken between myself and people she knew about the design of the ring. Weeks of furtive screen checking, muting, signing outing, and all sorts of general shiftiness when she was using my laptop or phone ensued.
It’s not the ideal scenario. Basically if you’re planning goes any further than buying a ring, hiding it and telling no one, you’ll have to accept that for a few months your partner will think you’re either addicted to pornography or having an affair.
Plan B was to propose in the flying car at Harry Potter world (Photo: John Phillips/UK Press via Getty Images)
My first idea was to pop the question on a trip to Northern Ireland. We were travelling out for tour shows to promote The Holy Vible, a book I wrote with comedian Elis James. I’d lined up a three night stay above a pub Van Morrison frequents, and was going to go down on one knee on Cyprus Avenue, a street Van Morrison visited as a youth and immortalised in his song of the same name from my all-time favourite album Astral Weeks.
Alas, plans changed with only a week to go as Elis was struck down by fatherhood for a second time. An absolute tragedy for all involved. Having cancelled the trip and added his second born to my list of enemies, I took some time to reflect. Perhaps the birth might actually have been a blessing in disguise.
My girlfriend doesn’t particularly like Van Morrison, has no connection to Northern Ireland or particular fondness for Astral Weeks, nor, on reflection, had she ever expressed an interest in staying in a pub for three days. Yes, my Van Morrison themed proposal was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had. After all, I wasn’t proposing to myself. Whilst spending the rest of my life with myself has long been a goal, one piece of advice for any would-be proposers out there, make it about them, or you and them, but not just about you.
Enter plan B. She’d bought us tickets to go to Harry Potter world. So my next wheeze (Weasley’s Wizarding, of course) was to propose in the flying car you can pose in, slipping the attendant a bribe to take extra photos. But as the day approached (14th Feb) there was a lot of talk about whether we’d be swamped by proposing couples in Diagon Alley, The Gryffindor Common Room, or outside Dumbledore’s office. ‘YES HOW AWKWARD THAT WOULD BE!’ I exclaimed with a fixed grin, ‘ONLY A HUFFLEPUFF WOULD DO SOMETHING THAT LAME!’
Yes I am 36 years old. And yes I am cool.
Onto plan C. I had an illustrated mirror made by one of her favourite artists, Alex May Hughes, with the question emblazoned upon it. I would hang and adorn it with fairy lights to pose the question for me on our return from the Wizarding World. CLASSIC GRIFFYNDOR!
One thing I like about this is when she takes it home and hangs it in her house I get to ask her every day, even when I’m not there. I’ve given her strict instructions never to pass it without screaming ‘YES’ and bursting into tears. And I’m also planning some amusing skits when it inevitably forms the ironic backdrop to our first rows.
So, ring, mirror and sorting hat all secured, all I had to do was find time to arrange said mirror so that it would be visible when we opened the door on our return, a task made problematic by the fact that she would be in my house.
I probably thought about how to solve this conundrum for over eight hours in total, and, as someone who self-identifies as one of the world’s great thinkers that is no small amount of brainpower. So I have to admit, with hindsight, the solution I arrived at doesn’t seem quite as masterful as it did at the time: on the way to the car I’d pretend I was going to sh*t myself and run back inside. That was what I decided. And that was what I did.
I had made sure my car was parked far enough away from the house so on the walk to the car it would be believable that my stomach had taken me by surprise. No one takes one step outside their front door and just sh*ts themselves. No, I’d need a good three-minute walk to the car to A) make the play believable and B) ensure she wouldn’t come back inside. And so, on the day of days, as the woman I love more than anyone else in the world sat in the passenger seat of a 2004 Skoda Fabia (with 12 years no claims), I told her I was going to sh*t myself. Romance 101 people.
With a flick of a switch, a yelp and a yes, it was done.
I ran back to the house. A flurry of bubble wrap, hammers, nails and fairy lights commenced – it was all done in less than four minutes – and I got the mirror up too!
It needed to be dark on our return for the lights to take effect, but due to my inability to be late for anything, as we approached the gift shop I still had an hour of daylight left to waste. And so I frantically googled the difference between sunset and civil twilight whilst conducting the longest browse of Hufflepuff merch in history (seriously, who’s buying Hufflepuff merch?!)
Another word of advice: if you’re the sort of person who stresses out, and you plan to propose after a nice day, maybe pop the question at the start, or you risk all the prosthetic Hagrids and motorised Voldemorts blending into one.
But an hour later, with a flick of a switch, a yelp and a yes, it was done. It was honestly the best evening of my life. And all I really did was drink cans of Guinness with an enormous grin on my face, basking in relief and excitement as various calls were made and messages sent. Bliss.
So, if you’re planning to propose, be ready to think on your feet. Take some time to sit with each idea and imagine it from their point of view. And I wouldn’t bother googling it, you’ll go down a wormhole of things you can’t afford and sunsets you don’t have access to. You’re on your own, but hopefully not for long.
I’m chronically indecisive by nature, unsure as to whether I need a password manager, about whether to save for a pension, about whether to insure the pipes under my lawn as my local water board are constantly junk mailing me to do, but I am sure about this. And if you’re sure, 100 per cent sure, about the person you love, even if you actually sh*t yourself, it’ll be great.
