The cringiest erotic quotes from the Bad Sex awards

November 19, 2015, 8:10 am

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Please, please, please never let Morrissey write another sex scene.

If you haven’t heard already, The Smiths’ former frontman has been shortlisted for Literary Review’s Bad Sex in Fiction award.

Because an erection should never be described as a ‘bulbous salutation’.

However, Morrissey hasn’t won it just yet – there’s another seven contenders in line for the dubious honour.

Each bringing their own special brand of cringeworthiness to the table.

We warn you: reading these passages is almost as bad as inadvertently watching a sex scene on telly with your parents.

Read on at your peril.

Morrissey – List of the Lost

Eliza’s breasts barrel-rolled across… Read the full story

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13 signs you’re in a fulfilling relationship with yourself

November 19, 2015, 8:10 am

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Sharing things with another person just doesn’t sound necessary.

Surely it’s so much easier to dedicate all of that positive energy you know you’re capable to your one true love? Yourself.

Here are 13 signs you’re in a happy relationship with yourself.

1. The idea of share food freaks you out. Having to order your usual meal for two and actually having to share it with another person? Allow them to half your pizza? How do people do that?

2. And so do cute nights in. Watching your favourite American Horror Show series with another person just sounds like allowing the possibility of somebody to talk over all of the best bits.

3. You take care of your mental health. If you feel down, you do something about it. You don’t allow people to let you feel weak.

4. You prioritise your goals and don’t think about the ‘what ifs’. You know what… Read the full story

8 of the worst Christmas-themed foods in existence

November 19, 2015, 8:33 am

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It’s natural that brands want to take advantage of the Christmas time hype.

Sometimes that’s just the best.

Remember those pigs in blankets Pringles? They were great.

But sometimes they get it wrong. Horribly wrong. Like those Tesco chocolate and cherry sandwiches. Just complete Christmas abominations.

Here are eight other Christmas-themed foods that were just the worst ever.

1) Christmas dinner pizza

For some reason, this is actually quite a popular seasonal food. So much so that Papa Johns brought it back by popular demand last year.

But can you imagine anything worse? We love pizza any time of the year, but that doesn’t mean we want our turkey with… Read the full story

No need to panic about the gender pay gap, everyone: We’ll have equal pay in 118 years

November 19, 2015, 8:38 am

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Good news, rational people who believe that men and women should earn equally: the gender pay gap will soon come to an end.

Only catch is, we probably won’t be around to enjoy that magical day. Because according to the World Economic forum, women will finally have equal pay in 118 years time. Oh.

The WEF explain that the increase in women’s salaries is lagging decades behind the increase for men, with women currently earning the average men made back in 2006.

At this rate, we won’t have equal pay until 2133.

Read the full story

This family game night had a brilliant surprise ending for one granddad-to-be

November 19, 2015, 8:58 am

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Alexa Goolsby came up with the perfect way to announce to her parents she was pregnant – with a family game of ‘Whisper Challenge’.

Jimmy Fallon often plays the game with guests on the Tonight Show and it involves people trying to guess what another person is saying while wearing noise-cancelling headphones.

Alexa, helped by partner Drew, decided to use the game to surprise parents Robert and Sharla Anderson with the news they are going to be grandparents for the first time.

And after she shared the video of their reaction, granddad’s enthusiasm for the game – and his excitement when he finally realises what’s happening – is winning the internet’s heart.

12 Christmas decorations to help you create the ultimate 90s nostalgic tree

November 19, 2015, 9:35 am

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Feeling nostalgic? Feeling Christmassy? Feeling like your usual Christmas decorations lack the wide-eyed optimism and baggy chic of the 90s?

Then you need our round up of 90s Christmas decorations.

Yes, here’s how you can transform your Christmas tree into a loud, proud homage to everything that was great about the decade of the mix tape, the Tamagotchi and The Fresh Prince.

Then all you need to do is make sure you’ve got a Dream Phone and a Furby wrapped up underneath.

As If Christmas tree decoration

Read the full story

28 parts of getting a haircut that are the absolute WORST

November 19, 2015, 10:04 am

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Haircuts can be a wonderful experience, filled with relaxing head massages, feeling all luxurious, and tossing your perfectly blow dried hair like a majestic unicorn on your way out.

But they can also be awful.

Because they’re inherently awkward and uncomfortable, and until you find your one true hairdressing soulmate, your haircuts will always be overwhelming disappointments.

No matter how great your hair looks in the end, there will always be parts that make having your hair cut the WORST.

1. It’s never the right time

Sure, sure, a trim every six to eight weeks. But I’m trying to grow it. And it looks good right now.

2. The fact… Read the full story

Here’s how you make a weed-infused Christmas dinner with all the trimmings

November 19, 2015, 10:12 am

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Winner winner, weed infused Christmas dinner.

Have your loving family entrusted you with the honour of cooking Christmas dinner this year?

Well why not spice things up with a marijana-infused feast?*

These slick videos by Watchcut Video (which basically look like M&S ads) give you easy to follow step-by-step instructions for making a weed turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce. The recipes were originally designed for Thanksgiving, but work just as well for Christmas Day.

Yes it’s a little unconventional, but think about it; not only is a weed-infused Christmas dinner sure to quell any family discord, but if it’s all a total disaster it won’t matter as no one will… Read the full story

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Little boy brilliantly defends woman against a catcaller

November 20, 2015, 2:15 am

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If you’re a woman, you’ve probably experienced it at least once. You’re walking around in public when a man starts to yell at you. You ignore him, he gets angry, and starts yelling more.

No one does anything, and you’re left embarrassed and scared as you keep your head down and try to avoid eye contact.

Musician Julia Price expected another repetition of the same scenario. But this time, someone took a stand.

Julia was out running when an older man started to yell at her: ‘”Sexy lady, hey hey hey sexy… Read the full story

This snoozing puppy is our Friday hangover spirit animal

November 20, 2015, 2:26 am

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Share this video

Cosy af.

If, like us, you’re a tad hungover today (well, it’s Friday), this adorable puppy will take you to your happy place.

The English Bulldog pup was captured having a totally delicious nap snuggled up with his favourite stuffed pig toy, and from his little twitching foot to his snuffly snores, the video is off the scale cute.

In fact, we reckon it really should be illegal to be THIS CUTE; our tired cynical minds just can’t cope with it.

MORE: Tumbles the puppy, who was born with no front legs, is the cutest thing on two wheels thanks to his 3D printed wheelchair

MORE: This cat is the… Read the full story

This couple cancelled their big wedding to fundraise for Syrian refugees instead

November 20, 2015, 2:29 am

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Toronto couple Samantha Jackson and Farzin Yousefian had planned a big traditional wedding for May 2016.

The venue was booked, the guest list of 130 drawn up and the caterers were already working out the menu.

But, their involvement with the Ryerson University Lifeline Syria Challenge, which raises money to help refugees settle in Canada, and then the heartbreaking photo of drowned Syrian boy Aylan Kurdi washed up on a Turkish beach, prompted a change of heart.

They decided to cancel the big wedding and use the opportunity to fundraise instead.

Read the full story

This man says we’re all eating burritos wrong. And he’s not happy about it.

November 20, 2015, 3:27 am

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If there’s one issue that defines our time, it’s this one: how the heck to correctly eat a burrito.

One man named Danny Ready says we’re all doing it wrong. And he has a big problem with it.

So he’s made a video instructing everyone, once and for all, how to successfully eat a burrito without spilling the insides everywhere.

He says: ‘This was spawned because some jackhole at the burrito place was trying to tell me that he always gets chips and layers them across the bottom of his plate when he eats a burrito, because when all the burrito’s guts fall out he wants nachos.’

Read the full story

Man creates ‘ketchup leather’ and blows everyone’s minds

November 20, 2015, 3:33 am

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You can now get tomato ketchup in handy squares, and it’s blowing people’s minds.

‘Ketchup leather’ was invented by Ernesto Uchimura, chef at LA restaurant Plan Check.

He invented the square of hard ketchup, which melts upon contact with a hot juicy burger, because he was fed up of too much sauce making his buns soggy.

We never even knew soggy burger buns were an issue but maybe that’s because we don’t leave them sitting long enough to notice.

Delta Airlines throw impromptu pizza parties after five planes are stranded in bad weather

November 20, 2015, 3:33 am

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Airlines of the world, watch and learn.

When five Delta Airlines planes were diverted due to bad weather, the quick thinking staff took immediate action; they got on the phone and ordered some pizzas.

Unsurprisingly the impromptu pizza parties went down a storm, and soon no one cared about being grounded due to a nearby tornado.

A Delta Airline spokesman explained: ‘Teams in places like Columbia, South Carolina, ordered pizza for customers as they waited for air traffic control clearance to get to Atlanta.

‘This is something we like to do as a customer service measure when we have diverted flights.’

How… Read the full story

10 bulls*** dating tips we’re tired of hearing

November 20, 2015, 3:36 am

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Let’s face it – who on earth know what they’re doing when it comes to dating and relationships?

With the sheer amount of different advice out there (that sometimes can be contradictory) who the hell knows who to listen to?

But there are some common dating mantras we’re told from couples and relationship experts alike that, To be honest, we’re tired of hearing of them, mainly because they don’t really work.

Here are ten dating tips we know really to be bulls***

1) Don’t go to bed angry

Read the full story

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14 reasons why your sister is (secretly) your best friend

November 20, 2015, 4:04 am

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Think your sister is the most annoying little thing on the whole Earth?

That may be true. But, she’s also your best friend, even though you may not yet know it. 

And here are 15 reasons why:

1. She knows all of your embarrassing secrets and dirty habits and she wouldn’t dare tell anyone. Though she may try to blackmail you with them a few times. 

2. You fight all the time, but you secretly kinda enjoy it. Especially as you know you’ll always win.

3. You live by the rule that you can be as mean to your sister as you like, but if anyone else… Read the full story

Get ready for a three for all: Why a French film about a threesome has got everyone talking

November 20, 2015, 4:16 am

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Forget Fifty Shades and its red room of pain: it’s now the time for the threesome to take its turn on top, thanks to a new French film that’s getting tongues wagging.

Love, out tomorrow, sees American Murphy (Karl Glusman) and his girlfriend Electra (Aomi Muyock) get on so well with their pretty new neighbour Omi (Klara Kristin), they decide to invite her back to their apartment for sex. As jealousy, infidelity and pregnancy cause untold complications, the decision unravels their relationship.

So in this age in which sex parties like Killing Kittens and threesome apps such as 3ndr are becoming ever more popular, are there pitfalls as well as pleasures? We… Read the full story

Woman knits retro tank tops for rescue chickens

November 20, 2015, 4:16 am

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Read the full story

Model Stina Sanders lost thousands of followers when she started keeping it real

November 20, 2015, 4:23 am

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Stina Sanders is a model and blogger, so her Instagram meets all the typical specifications of a member of the Instafamous crew.

Cute dogs, holidays, fancy brunches, bikini photos, edited selfies. They’re all on her profile, and that’s a big part of how she gained thousands of followers.

But what would happen if she cut all that perfectly filtered Instagram stuff and started keeping it real?

Inspired by the story of Essena O’Neil, Stina decided to… Read the full story

The ultimate Christmas gift guide for wine lovers

November 20, 2015, 4:23 am

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‘Tis the season to be jolly, well, almost, but it’s definitely not too early to get some excellent booze themed presents for the wino in your life.

From budget to blowout we’ve got your gift list covered for all things wine related.

BUDGET

Moustache corkscrew (£3)

Opens both wine and beer… Read the full story