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Why not punish naughty people with Marmite this Christmas?

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(Picture: Marmite)
(Picture: Marmite)

Forget coal in a stocking, satsumas or socks – there’s a new way to punish naughty children (and adults) this Christmas.

You can get them a jar of Marmite – the spread some believe to be the devil’s tar.

Watch their faces crumple in disgust and anguish.

The black-labelled jars, bearing the word Naughty, are also branded with their name for all to see.

Of course this only makes sense if said person hates it.

If your friends and family have been good this year, and love Marmite, you can get them a personalised Nice jar.

The 250g jars cost £4.99 from Westfield in White City, London and the Marmite Facebook page.

Read the full story

Deceased grandfather’s Vasectomy Club card shows that he’s a ‘stud’

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MG_OG_VASECTOMY_COMP

The last thing you expect to find when trailing through your grandfather’s things is a card stating the date his vasectomy was performed. Yep, seriously. 

And that’s not all.

The card, which stated the vasectomy was performed under the S.S.S.W.W. Club (AKA Simplified Stud Service -Without Worry-) was accompanied by a little info as to what the vasectomy now meant for him.

MORE: Ordering Domino’s pizza just became as easy as pushing a button

The card reads:

The bearer of this card is a certified (and safe) ‘stud’. He is entitled to service any female in the custom she wishes to be serviced.

He has been clipped to the fullest extent, therefore there is no chance of making babies.

Any consideration shown bearer will be fully appreciated by the President of S.S.S.W.W Club.

Reddit user magnoliamouth took to Reddit last night to speak of his – somewhat odd – findings.

It seems he found the card while going through… Read the full story

7 questions British people have for Americans about Thanksgiving

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monica with turkey on head in friends thanksgiving episode
Seriously, WTF?

From what us Brits can work out, Thanksgiving is like Christmas.

But it’s a month early and with a load of weird stuff going on that we just can’t comprehend.

When I was a kid, I lived in the US for a couple of years and got taught the basics of what the holiday was about.

I’m still confused over the particulars but, if memory serves, it’s got something to do with the first pilgrims arriving and the Native Americans helping them not starve.

Can you guess the sexual meanings behind these phrases?

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Think you know all there is to know when it comes to the bedroom?

What about when bedroom chat is used in conversation…. are you even aware it’s happening? 

While every language has its idioms, meanings can be lost in translation. Especially when they’re very sexual meanings.

So sneaky, but so clever. One innocent sentence can mean a whole different thing entirely.

Can you guess the sexual meanings behind these seemingly normal phrases?

Read the full story

Woman discovers chicken riding her robot hoover round the lounge

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There’s something about pets and those Roombas (aka robot vacuum cleaners). They love to hitch a ride around the living room when their owners aren’t looking.

But we can’t say we’ve ever seen a chicken on a Roomba before. Until now.

Farmer Catherine Bremner from Australia was busy catching up on some chores in the house last week when she came upon James, one of the family’s four chickens, busily hoovering the lounge.

Clearly, she’s fastidious when it comes to household chores.

Smart satchel shouts ‘do you really need this?’ every time you take out your credit card

Woman gets 11 tattoos in one week to celebrate 100 years of body art

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As part of its 100 Years of Beauty series, WatchCut Video advertised for someone to get 11 permanent tattoos in one week, each design representing a different decade of American body art.

Casey Lubin from Ohio was the brave lady who answered the ad. Once she found out what the project was all about, she decided it would be an amazing opportunity to have that history on her body.

So, starting with a completely blank canvas, she allowed tattoo artist Clae Welch to give her 11 tattoos in just a week. Each design was in the style of an iconic artist from every decade over the last 100 years.

Tattoo gif

After Casey confirmed she was indeed ready, Clae began with a Charlie Wagner-inspired design from 1910, using just black and grey ink, as this is what was mostly available at the time.

Read the full story

Museum urges visitors to leave cameras and phones at home and sketch the artwork instead

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Banier op gebouw.jpg
(Picture: rijksmuseum.nl)

‘In today’s world of mobile phones and media, a visit to a museum is often a passive and superficial experience,’ says the Rijksmuseum website.

Which is why the Amsterdam art museum is asking visitors to leave their cameras and phones at home and encouraging them to sketch the artwork instead.

Because wouldn’t it be nice if we actually took time to look at the art instead of just snapping it and moving on?

‘Visitors are easily distracted and do not truly experience beauty, magic and wonder,’ the website explains. ‘This is why the Rijksmuseum wants to help visitors discover and appreciate the beauty of art and history through drawing.’

Read the full story

The woman behind that Prince George cake made a life-size cake version of herself and her husband for her wedding

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A baking-mad bride stunned guests when she unveiled two wedding cakes - in the shape of herself and her groom. See NTI story NTICAKE. Lara Mason, 29, spent three days baking and icing the life-size cakes in time for her wedding to Nikki (corr) Mason, 27. The couple tied the knot in Malta on October 17 but unveiled the giant cakes as they held a family party in Great Wyrley, Staffs., on Saturday (14/11). The delicious doubles, which are entirely edible, were made from 20kg (44lb) of icing and 20kg of chocolate cake. Lara's cake doppelganger shows her wearing a white wedding dress, complete with veil and holding a cocktail glass. But the talented… <a href=Read the full story

Syrian refugee hands out food to Germany’s homeless every week to say thank you

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Imgur

Every Saturday, Alex Assali, a Syrian refugee hands out food to the homeless in Berlin as a way of saying thanks to the people who took him in.

A picture of Alex hard at work was posted by Berliner Tabea Bü on Facebook on Sunday morning. 

Tabea wrote: ‘That’s Alex! A big shout out to him this morning. This man impresses me deeply.’

She goes on to describe how Alex had to leave family behind in Damascus, Syria, because of threats from ISIS. He left with nothing and travelled to Europe, via Lebanon, Cyprus, Egypt, Sudan and Libya, eventually setting up a new life in Germany.

Even though he has very little, she says, he gives away food to the homeless and those in need every Saturday in Berlin’s Alexanderplatz. As his sign says, to ‘give something back to the German people’.

The image has also been shared on Imgur, where… Read the full story

Kind stranger leaves student £20 for doctors fees after overhearing her struggles with mental health

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One student was left in tears as she hung up the phone to her counselor, following a conversation regarding doctors fees for a mitigating circumstances form.

Charlotte Rose Ford, from Manchester, struggles with her mental health, and was having a hard time trying to book an appointment to see her counselling service at Uni.

She wrote: Mental health stuff at Uni is hard and sometimes I struggle to get my work done to a standard I’m happy with. Or I miss deadlines because I’m too distracted by my low mood, or I’m too anxious that my work isn’t good enough – so I have to ask for mitigating circumstances.’

Mitigating circumstances are serious unforeseen, unpreventable circumstances that significantly disrupt student performance in assessment.

MORE: Kids who spend more than 3 hours a day on social media more likely to have mental health issues

She carries on to say: ‘It wasn’t a particularly fun phone call, and I got a bit emotional… Read the full story

30 signs your phone addiction has gone too far

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Put down the phone. (Picture: Ben Cohen/Bravo/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images)

We’re all a little bit phone-dependent.

Because the invention of smartphones is a wonderful thing. Suddenly we can see and speak to people in other countries and timezones. We can find out new information with a few taps on a screen. We can learn what’s happening around the world within seconds.

And, you know, we can text people tiny pictures of pandas.

But there can be too much of a good thing. When your phone addiction’s getting to this point, it might be time to take a step back.

1. You frequently experience phantom vibrations

Meaning you’re constantly pulling your phone out of your pocket.

2. Your phone… Read the full story

One for the genius parenting guide: Man attaches leaf blower to son’s toy car

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YOuTube parent
That’s smart parenting right there (Picture: YouTube)

You’re a busy parent. Your son wants to drive his toy car around outside. You need to clear the leaves from the driveway.

Then, you have an epiphany.

This, we imagine, is what happened to Jarrad Provost from Fredericksburg, Virginia.

His son Roman was driving around in his Fisher Price Power Wheels off road truck (3.5mph) when dad had his eureka moment.

He attached his leaf blower to the side of the toy car with cables and then let Roman do the hard work.

15 things only parents of picky eaters will understand

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15 things that only parents of picky eaters will understand (Picture: Charly Clemets for Metro)
Yuck (Picture: Charly Clemets for Metro)

The internet is awash with recipe ideas for healthy meals for kids. Maybe other people’s children eat broccoli pesto, kedgeree with smoked fish and crudités but mine sure as hell don’t.

My eldest won’t even eat an apple!

Here are 15 things that you’ll understand if you have a little picky eater at home.

1. You regularly find yourself trying to broker absurd deals along the lines of ‘if you eat your veggies you can have a cake/new Lego toy/trip to the Moon.’

2. Sauce + pasta + a picky two-year-old = foodmageddon.

3. You once made… Read the full story

This woman had a job offer revoked because of her braids


Black Friday and Cyber Monday: When is it and where are the best deals?

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Mandatory Credit: Photo by Ray Tang/REX (4272156a) Customers buying large television sets Black Friday Sales at Asda Wembley Superstore, London, Britain - 28 Nov 2014
Not this again! (Picture: Rex)

It’s that time of year again: Black Friday, when otherwise sensible people battle in the aisles over flat-screen TVs.

Asda isn’t taking part this year but most big-name retailers are, and the deals aren’t just limited to Black Friday itself. This year, Black Friday’s more than a week long.

As ever, some of the best deals are online. Here’s how to find them.

Black Friday: when is it?

Black Friday is the Friday immediately after the US Thanksgiving holiday. This year it’s the 27th of November.

What is it?

It’s… Read the full story

20 Christmas gifts for people who love their bed

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Photo of a woman sleeping
Have a very sleepy Christmas (Picture: Getty)

If your sleep-loving friend can get out of bed long enough to be your buddy, they deserve something pretty special for Christmas.

Make their life better with a gift that captures their essence and brings them real comfort and happiness. Something for them to enjoy while they’re in their favourite place in the world: their bed.

From the perfect sleep-lover’s mug to cosy additions to their current duvet situation, these gifts are actually worth getting out of bed for. For a bit, anyway.

1. A spirit animal cushion

It’s 2015 and people are dropping condoms filled with water on their heads

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Condom challenge
Welcome to your timeline for the next few weeks (Picture: Twitter)

Welcome to the Condom Challenge. Currently absorbing some parts of the internet, it involves getting your mate to drop a condom filled with water on your head.

Not to be confused with the Condom Challenge of 2013, which saw people snorting them up their noses, the 2015 version was apparently started by people wanting to show just how durable and, yes, roomy condoms can be.

Man asks Jurassic Park obsessed girlfriend to marry him in the most weird and wonderful way

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EJ and Katelyn machnica jurassic park
Jurassic proposal. (Picture: Youtube/Katelyn Machnica)

Because nothing says romance like dinosaurs.

Like all wonderful people, Katelyn Machnica is a huge fan of Jurassic Park. So when her longterm boyfriend EJ decided to pop the question, it only made sense to reference the film.

But rather than just sticking the ring in a dinosaur box or taking Katelyn to that Islands of Adventure section of Disney World, EJ went a little more homemade.

Meaning he asked two of his mates to stick on raptor mask, jump out and surprise his girlfriend.

Then they all sang ‘will you marry me?’ to… Read the full story

‘Must be able to run and swim in the face of danger’: Can you guess what job is being advertised?

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Bizarre job spec Source: Getty Images Credit: METRO/myles goode
Bizarre job…  (Picture: Getty/METRO/myles goode)

Last night, Reddit user flakma posted the most bizarre job advertisement we’ve seen in a while. 

Unsure of whether to take the advertisement seriously, he posted a few of the requirements to see what other people thought. 

And they’re pretty intense.

The post reads:

Physical Requirements:

The physical demands described here are representative of those that must be met by an employee to successfully perform the essential functions of this job.

  • While performing the duties of this job, the employee is require to stand; stand for long periods of time; walk; sit; use hands to finger, handle, or feel objects, tools or controls; reach… Read the full story

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