Since 1995, Victoria’s Secret have held a runway show with top models – branded ‘angels’ – to show off all of their wildest wares.
This year however the angels will not be taking flight as the show will not be taking place.
Why has the Victoria’s Secret fashion show been cancelled?
The show has been cancelled after years of falling views.
Last year, 3.3 million people tuned in to the runway show. This might sound impressive, however these numbers pale in comparison to the show in 2001 which drew in 12 million viewers.
In third quarter results announced earlier this week, Victoria’s Secret’s parent company L Brands reported a net loss of $252m (£195.1m) in third quarter results announced this week.
When asked if the show would be taking place, Stuart Burgdoerfer, the chief financial officer of the company, replied: ‘We’ll be communicating to customers, but nothing that I would say is similar in magnitude to the fashion show.
‘We’re figuring out how to advance the positioning of the brand.’
Let’s face it, Meghan Markle has always had a great sense of style.
That being said, she stepped up her game when she started dating Prince Harry – and since becoming the Duchess of Sussex, Meghan has become as much of a royal fashion icon as her husband’s late mother, Princess Diana.
It then comes as no surprise that she has nabbed the top spot in the ranking for most influential celebrity dresser in the annual Lyst ‘Year in Fashion’ report for 2019.
We hear you, Lyst and we agree.
To celebrate the Duchess’ fabulous fashion choices, here are some of her best looks since she became a part of the royal family.
The wedding reception outfit
The happy couple on their wedding day (Picture: Steve Parsons/AFP via Getty Images)
On her special day in May 2018, Meghan wore a silk gown designed by British fashion designer Claire Waight Keller, the artistic director at Givenchy.
However, while it was admittedly a beautiful wedding dress, the real stunner of the day was this bespoke high-neck gown by Stella McCartney made from silk crepe.
It screamed old school glamour, and Meghan looked fantastic in it.
The Cape Town outfit
Harry and Meghan in Cape Town, South Africa (Picture: Pool/Samir Hussein/WireImage)
On their tour of Cape Town, Meghan sported laid-back looks.
One of our favourites is this flowing sky blue dress by Veronica Beard, paired with the same Castañer espadrilles that she wore during her Royal Tour in Australia.
We love a recycled royal shoe.
The other Cape Town outfit
She looks stunning (Picture: Pool/Samir Hussein/WireImage)
The Veronica Beard dress wasn’t the only stunning fashion choice that the Duchess made during her Cape Town visit.
For her meeting with female entrepreneurs in technology, she rocked a long black jumpsuit from Everlane.
She added some glitz by pairing it with round gold earrings from GAS Bijoux.
The big baby moment outfit
We finally get to meet Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor (Picture: Dominic Lipinski/ WPA Pool/Getty Images)
He was undoubtedly captivating, but so was his mother in her sleeveless trench dress by Grace Wales Bonner.
But with that new-mum glow, she could have been wearing an old t-shirt and jeans, and she would still have looked fantastic.
The Wimbledon outfit
She knows how to dress casual, too (Picture: Karwai Tang/Getty Images)
Meghan isn’t just an expert on how to dress up, she’s also great at dressing down.
When she attended a Wimbledon tennis match, the Duchess wore jeans with a black shirt and a striped blazer.
Her Panama-style hat from Madewell x Biltmore was the big hit though – and it was super affordable, too (that is, until it sold out straight after Meg wore it).
The laid-back outfit
Meg loves a stiletto (Picture: Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)
If you thought Meghan hasn’t adjusted to the rainy British weather, you’d be wrong.
Once again proving that she’s the queen of chic casual wear, she donned a black ankle-length pantsuit from Alexander McQueen for the Endeavour Fund Awards’ Ceremony in 2018.
And she paired it with pointed stilettos, her signature shoe style.
Meghan attending a panel discussion to mark International Women’s Day (Picture: Max Mumby/Indigo/Getty Images)
We don’t often see the Duchess in print, but she treated us to this gem on International Women’s Day.
The 70s style mini dress is Azzura by the high street brand, Reiss, and the black blazer if by Alexander McQueen.
As for her accessories, Meghan went with Manolo Blahnik pumps and earrings from Jessica McCormack.
The Morocco trip outfit
In February, Meghan and Harry paid a visit to King Mohammed VI of Morocco (Picture: Pool/Samir Hussein/WireImage)
On the third day of the royal couple’s trip to Morocco, where they visited King Mohammed VI, the Duchess wore this incredible Carolina Herrera gown.
If you fancy picking up the blue, patterned dress for yourself, it’ll cost you £3,222.
Or maybe just get something similar from a high street shop, and spend the rest of the money on a holiday in Morocco.
The nod to Suits outfit
She went back to her Suits roots (Picture: Samir Hussein/Samir Hussein/WireImage)
When she stepped out at the Chichester Enginering and Digital Technology Park in Bognor Regis, we got throwback feels to Meghan’s actor days.
Her moss green leather pencil skirt from Hugo Boss looked very much like something that her character on Suits, Rachel, would buy.
She paired it with a matching green shirt from & Other Stories (the chain owned by H&M) and a nude Armani coat.
The Commonwealth Youth Challenge outfit
Meghan knows how to rock a splash of colour (Picture: Yui Mok – WPA Pool/Getty Images)
Meghan wore this Brandon Maxwell dress for the Commonwealth Youth Challenge last year.
It was an unusual choice for the Duchess, who doesn’t usually favour strong colours but this pop of yellow suited her perfectly.
And the understated nude pumps just made the outfit that much better.
The Edinburgh visit outfit
For her trip to Scotland, she went with tartan (Picture: Samir Hussein/WireImage)
During a visit to Edinburgh in 2018, Meghan wore a gorgeous double-faced tartan coat from Burberry – an excellent choice for a trip to Scotland.
She’s not the only royal to favour this design.
Her sister-in-law, Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, wore a tartan dress by Alexander McQueen when she visited Dundee with Prince William.
The engagement announcement outfit
Harry proposed to Meghan with his late mother’s sapphire diamond ring (Picture: Anwar Hussein/Getty Images) *** Local Caption *** Prince Harry;Meghan Markle
Last but not least, it’s the outfit that will forever be remembered as the look of a new royal being born.
For her engagement day, Meghan chose a white belted coat by the Canadian brand Line The Label.
Let’s face it though, we were all too busy looking at the ring on her finger to really notice the outfit – the sapphire diamond that once belonged to the late Princess of Wales, Diana.
Don’t dismiss how you’re feeling (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
We’ve all heard of the ‘winter blues’ – the time from November to February when the days are colder and darker and everyone is generally feeling a little more miserable.
But when is it more than just feeling a little low?
Many people pass off their feelings of sadness claiming they are feeling ‘down’ to a certain time of year.
This can be the case for a lot of people, but it’s important not to play down something which could potentially be a lot more serious.
We asked healthcare professionals to shed some light on the important things to look out for, to differentiate between the winter blues and conditions such as depression.
Longevity
Of course feeling a little low-spirited during winter is to be expected, but if these feelings persist – that’s when it can be something more.
Long-lasting feelings of sadness can be an indicator of depression.
Dr Shamir Patel, pharmacist and founder of Chemist 4 U, tells Metro.co.uk: ‘If you’re feeling “down” most days, for most of the day, it’s likely that you’re experiencing something more than winter blues.’
So it’s important not to shrug it off as down to the time of year.
Dr Diana Gall agrees and says: ‘If you’re low mood lasts for two weeks or more, you should contact a medical professional as this is a sign of depression. If you’re struggling with suicidal thoughts then seek help immediately.’
Look into Seasonal Affective Disorder
Seasonal Affective Disorder, also known as SAD, is a type of depression that occurs during a particular time in the year. But most people experience it during the winter months.
Dr Shamir Patel says its important to differentiate between feeling downhearted and having a condition, such as Seasonal Affective Disorder.
She says: ‘Winter blues are extremely common, with many of us experiencing low moods when the colder, darker days of winter set in. People typically become gloomier than they would normally feel, but the change in mood doesn’t hinder your ability to enjoy life. Commonly, it clears up on its own in a short amount of time.
‘On the other hand, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a type of depression also associated with winter, but with symptoms that are typical of “major” depression, including profound sadness, a low mood, loss of pleasure, irritability, feelings of despair, guilt and worthlessness, sleeping for longer and a lack in energy.
‘It affects 6% of the UK population, and for most, it can be debilitating.’
Dr Shami Patel adds that women are four times more likely to be affected by SAD than men – and those between the ages of 18 and 30 are particularly at risk.
She adds: ‘If you have symptoms of SAD, it’s important not to ignore them, as the feelings can last five months or more – which is a long time to be suffering.
‘SAD is quite treatable, and the options are always improving.’
Persistent feelings of hopelessness are more than just ‘winter blues’ (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Think about causes
Dr Diana Gall adds: ‘The main difference between winter blues and depression will be the underlying cause.
‘Everyone gets upset from time to time, typically as a response to an upsetting event such as losing a loved one or failing a test.
‘Depression, on the other hand, doesn’t always have a specific cause and will last for much longer – in the case of SAD, it can last an entire season.’
Feeling a bit down once in a while is completely normal. Usually, this can be explained by problems at work or with family life, relationships or friends.
Depression can also come on through stressful life events such as a death, divorce, illness, redundancy or money worries. But depression doesn’t always have a clear cut explanation.
Once again, the thing to remember is to pay attention to how long these feelings of sadness are going on for.
Taking some time to identify a cause may help you come to terms with how you’re feeling, but don’t think you need to justify sadness with a reason.
Sometimes depression can’t be explained so easily.
Psychological, physical and social symptoms
Compared to the balmy, Vitamin-D soaked summer days, the winter months are long and drawn out and can be a struggle for a lot of people.
But people with mental health problems, such as depression, tend to showcase symptoms which are more extreme than those who are suffering with bouts of low mood.
The NHS breaks down the symptoms of depression into three areas – psychological, physical and social.
In terms of psychological factors, a constant low mood, low self esteem, feeling hopeless, getting anxious and a lack of motivation can all be symptoms of depression.
Physical symptoms can include changes in appetite or weight, disturbed sleep, loss of sex drive and unexplained aches and pains.
Whereas struggling at work, difficulties with family and friends and a loss of interest in hobbies can all be social signs of depression.
But it’s worth noting that symptoms of depression can be complex and are not black and white.
Individuals can experience any of these symptoms and not be depressed – but anyone showcasing these signs for two weeks or more should consult a GP.
It’s also important to talk about how you’re feeling with family, friends or a professional.
Need support? Contact the Samaritans
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
Shannon was diagnosed with a rare type of cancer after noticing a lump in her elbow (Picture: Shannon Lynch / SWNS)
When Shannon Lynch, 21, was told that the rare cancer in her elbow was terminal, she knew she would do anything to buy herself more time.
In 2017 she had her arm amputated, giving her enough time to marry Ashley, 18.
Shannon said: ‘My wedding day meant everything to me, and it’s lovely to be able to show the world that I’m devoted to the one I love for the rest of my life.
‘It doesn’t matter how long I have with him, as long as I’m with him and we are happy.
‘Married life is better than I ever thought it could be, it’s better than people say it is, I’m always happy when I’m with him.
‘We are trying to make memories together but it’s hard at the same time because I can get ill and tired very quickly.’
Shannon’s battle with cancer began when she was just 15, when she visited a doctor to ask about a lump in her right elbow. Doctors initially dismissed the issue as tennis elbow, but after the lump grew bigger and more painful she was sent for an ultrasound, blood test, and biopsy.
Having her arm amputated extended Shannon’s life long enough for her to marry Ashley (Picture: Shannon Lynch / SWNS)
In July 2013, Shannon was diagnosed with synovial sarcoma – a rare type of cancer that affects soft tissues.
The teenager underwent chemotherapy and radiotherapy treatment before having an operation in March 2014 to remove the lump.
Shannon said: ‘I didn’t feel as scared as you’d expect when they said it was cancer – I just knew the most important thing was to fight and that I would conquer everything standing in my way.
‘It was just a case of whatever would happen, would happen.
‘I felt bad as my mum was forced to come with me because of my age and she missed out seeing the rest of my family.
‘I hated the chemotherapy but I had no choice. I just felt weak and ill all the time, it just drains the energy from you.’
They’re now making the most of the short time they have together (Picture: Shannon Lynch / SWNS)
Shannon had checkups every three months to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned, but in July 2017 another lump appeared – the cancer had returned in the form of a grade 3 sarcoma.
In order to stop the cancer from spreading further and allow Shannon to live as long as possible, she would need to have her right arm amputated.
In August 2017 Shannon went through surgery and began to adjust to having just one arm.
Then in December 2018, Shannon started talking to Ashley, a friend of her brother. They chatted every day after connecting online through Xbox Live, then instantly fell in love when they met in real life.
But after just a few months of dating, Shannon discovered her lungs were filling with blood due to three tumours. Doctors told her the cancer had returned – and this time it was terminal.
Shannon was told she had less than a year to live.
Shannon said: ‘My whole world turned upside down. I was terrified as I know how hard it is to treat lung cancers.
Shannon is undergoing chemotherapy in the hopes of extending her life (Picture: Shannon Lynch / SWNS)
‘When they told me I had less than a year to live, I was shocked as I thought I would have longer than that.
‘The doctors said that chemotherapy would give me extra time here, but it wouldn’t save me, which was heartbreaking to hear.’
A month later, Ashley proposed.
‘We were at home when Ashley came over to me with one hand hidden behind his back,’ said Shannon.
‘He said that he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and then he got down on one knee and asked me if I wanted to marry him.
‘I said yes and was desperately trying not to cry – I couldn’t believe it, I was just so excited for our future together.’
Had Shannon not had her arm amputated, it’s thought the tumours would have appeared in her lungs too quickly for her even meet Ashley, let alone marry him.
‘I’ve come to terms with it’ (Picture: Shannon Lynch / SWNS)
The couple tied the knot on 26 October 2019 in front of 100 friends and family members. Since then they have settled into married life and are making the most of the short time they have together.
Shannon is currently going through chemotherapy to extend her time with her new husband.
Shannon said: ‘I am happy for all the time I get with my husband, my family and my friends.
‘Ashley and I haven’t really spoken about the future as we would rather forget that I’m going to die soon and think about it when I get to that stage.
‘It is difficult for Ashley but he understands and is grateful for all the time we do get together.
‘He told me that he is terrified that every morning he wakes up, I could have gone in the night.
‘I’ve come to terms with it now – whatever happens, happens. I can’t choose how long I can live for, I’m just grateful for the time I do get.’
The cult American class comes to London – but can we get on board? (Picture: SoulCycle)
The lights go down and the music cuts. All you can hear is the soft whoosh of the wheels of 70 spin bikes and heavy breathing. The instructor’s bike is lit up by a single candle; messiah-esque.
We are all waiting for the beat to drop. And for some reason, it feels emotional.
This isn’t your average spin class. This is SoulCycle. It’s the launch class of their new studio in Notting Hill, the brand’s second London location, and the energy is palpable.
You’ve probably heard of SoulCycle. It launched in London earlier this year, but it has been going for years in the States and has developed a dedicated and borderline-obsessive cult following.
‘Moving your body and working your mind changes your Soul,’ reads the website. The whole concept is about taking indoor cycling to a spiritual level. You connect with people in the room, it has a collaborative vibe, you high-five your bike neighbours, there’s a crystal that the instructors bless before every session.
It probably sounds like your idea of hell.
That’s because here in the UK, we tend to have an entirely different approach when it comes to fitness.
We Brits are far too reserved to indulge in any needless whooping. The idea of clapping mid-spin feels more hazardous than anything. And we most certainly don’t want to make eye contact with anyone else in the room.
It’s a cliche sure, but there’s some truth in it. So many of us treat fitness as a chore or, worse, a punishment. Something to get through, something that has to feel unpleasant, another tick box on our endless to-do list.
Maryam has been going to spin classes twice a week for almost a year now.
In the American classes the instructor blesses an energy crystal before each session (Picture: SoulCycle)
‘Pain is gain, but it is quite an intense session,’ she tells us.
‘It does sometimes feel like we’re only there to keep our heads down and cycle for 45 minutes.
‘Even the instructors – it’s always like; “keep going, don’t stop”, one guy even said; “I don’t care how you feel, keep peddling”.’
Maryam says she would look forward to her sessions more if there was the option to be a bit more sociable and engage with other people. She also thinks it wouldn’t hurt if the instructors were a bit more empathetic.
‘I do think we need to change the perspective we have of exercise of having to grind our bodies to the death. I think it should be more about doing the best we can and feeling proud and excited.’
So maybe there are lessons to be learnt from the SoulCycle way of doing things. Maybe we can adjust our mindsets to give ourselves a more positive relationship with the gym. And it doesn’t have to be cringe.
The 45-minute session combined speed, strength and weights to target every muscle in your body. It was about hitting the beat of the track and finding the rhythmn, but it was definitely less prescriptive than other classes – you had more autonomy over how fast you want to pedal, how much resistance you want to add, whether you want to be seated or standing.
The different vibe of the class didn’t come so much from the exercise itself, it was more in how it was framed.
Right from the off, we were all encouraged to match our pace to whoever was riding next to us, the instructors kept asking us if we were ‘feeling it’, we clapped after certain songs. It was the most interactive spinning class I have ever experienced – and you couldn’t help but be dragged in.
The soundtrack helped. The songs were base-heavy, hip-hop beats, songs you absolutely have to sing along to.
They dropped three tracks from Beyonce’s live Coachella album just as we were powering up a particularly nasty hill – and it was the vibiest climb ever. The pain in my quads forgotten – I was too busy channeling Bey.
One of our instructors, Lauren, has only been a spin instructor for a little more than a year. A native Londoner, she joined SoulCycle when they launched in the capital earlier this year and is convinced that Londoners will get on board with the touchy-feely stuff.
‘It goes so dark, the lights go out, there’s nothing fancy to distract you, it’s just you in the dark, and a pack of you riding together,’ Lauren tells Metro.co.uk.
‘If you cry on the bike, then you cry on the bike’ (Picture: SoulCycle)
Lauren says it was challenging to get Londoners to open up and let go when they opened the Soho studio, but she thinks the key is finding balance.
‘I did my training in New York, and people are so much more receptive there,’ she says.
‘Londoners tend to be much more like; “no, shut up, I just want my workout.” But slowly people are coming around to it, and realising that actually, it’s OK to engage with emotions and feel things.
‘If you cry on the bike, then you cry on the bike. I never though that would be me – but it’s been me a few times.
‘Working out should be fun, you should want to show up – you’re paying money, it shouldn’t be a chore or something that you don’t want to do.
Lauren has her a few tricks up her sleeve if she’s faced with a doggedly silent class.
‘I tell the class that they can shout at me and scream at me. If I’m doing something really hard I’ll say; “guys, is it hurting?” If you ask little questions and keep prompting them, eventually people free themselves up and start responding.
‘If the person next to them starts shouting and engaging, then they will feel like, they can do it as well – it’s pretty contagious.’
It feels like SoulCycle is taking a softly, softly approach to introducing Londoners to their overwhelming brand of schmaltzy fitness positivity. There was no energy crystal, no blessings, and the whooping was definitely muted.
When it comes to interaction, Londoners are like skittish deer – easily startled, keen to retreat to retreat to our skeptical shells of isolation. But, by the end of the class, the whoops and shouts weren’t only coming from the instructors who were dotted among prospective new customers.
Looking around, I could see plenty of smiles. Walking back to the showers, people were talking to each other about the playlist and the bits of the workout they loved. That doesn’t happen at my normal spin class. Something in us had unlocked, slightly.
Studies have found that exercising in a group provides way more health benefits than working out alone – and this is the first spinning class that has actually felt like a genuine, group activity, rather than 40 women cycling alongside each other, but not together.
Classes cost £24 each… ouch (Picture: SoulCycle)
The class isn’t perfect. There are around 70 bikes packed sardine-like into a medium-sized studio. I bumped elbows with my bike neighbours a few times during the weights section, and it makes getting to the bikes at the back feel like a weird contortion challenge.
At £24 for a 45-minute session (new starters can buy three classes for £50), it has to be one of the priciest spin classes in London – which is sure to generate a typically homogeneous customer-base (the class was notably devoid of diverse clientele).
But these are issues that the fitness industry is facing across the board. What SoulCycle does offer is a fresh perspective on fitness that could help to change the way we workout for the better.
As we slowed down after a particularly ferocious sprint, Lauren told us to take a moment to be grateful for what our bodies can do.
‘Thank yourself for dedicating this 45 minutes to yourself this morning,’ she said. I whooped. Not quietly.
If we drag ourselves out of bed at 6 am and make the effort to push our bodies out of their comfort zones, we should at least try to enjoy it.
SoulCycle is a reminder that fitness shouldn’t be a punishment – and we can enjoy the process of actually doing it, as well as the smug feeling we get when it’s over.
Shopping online is probably a good place to start. (Picture: Getty)
Black Friday 2019 is almost upon us, and even though the day itself isn’t until next week, big brands and online retailers have already started kicking off their sales and offering major discounts.
To make sure you’re getting the best deal possible, check out our Black Friday hacks below for how to ensure you secure the best prices and biggest bargains on the products you want this year.
Black Friday hacks
Sign up to your favourite brand’s newsletters
Get the best deals straight to your inbox when you sign up to hear from the brand’s you love directly. By joining a mailing list you will ensure that all the latest news and Black Friday deals being offered are sent straight to you, and you’ll get alerts if a sale starts early, gets extended or if items are reduced even further than originally advertised.
If you don’t want to receive emails once Black Friday has passed, you can simply unsubscribe from the newsletters you no longer want by clicking the related link at the bottom of the emails. Normally you only need to unsubscribe once to no longer receive any emails.
Signing up to lots of email newsletters could be a necessary evil for your inbox – but just for the next week or so. (Picture: Getty)
Know what you want before you shop
Much like going to the supermarket when you are hungry, not really knowing what kind of Black Friday bargains you’re looking for before browsing the thousands on offer online is a recipe for disaster.
Make a list of things you need, want and are looking for as gifts and then search for those products specifically online or from your chosen brand or store. This way, you’ll be able to focus on getting the best deals and most money off bigger items, as opposed to getting distracted and spending money on impulsive purchases that may not be as good of a bargain.
Making a good old list is one way of making sure you stay focused on products you really want and need. (Picture: Getty)
Use a price comparison website
When Amazon launched their first Black Friday sale in the UK back in 2010, there weren’t many other brands jumping on the bandwagon at the time, making the online retailer a one stop shop for the best bargains around.
These days, there are literally thousands of offers to choose from, all from different stores and being offered by different brands. To ensure you’re getting the best deal (and the cheapest price going for the product you want) use a price comparison website like Pricespy.co.uk.
Like any price comparison website, save time by letting them compare loads of different sites for you. (Picture: pricespy.co.uk)
Not only will the site show you how much a specific product is selling for across multiple sites, but it also tracks the price of that item over time – so you can see if you’re getting a hot Black Friday Deal that needs to be snapped up, or whether actually it’s sold for cheaper at another time of year.
Double check delivery costs
It’s all well and good securing a great discount on a product you want in a Black Friday sale, but there’s no point saving money to then just spend it on getting your item delivered.
Many brands will offer free delivery on items over a certain amount, but make sure you double check this cost before you check out. Sometimes you can avoid pricey delivery fees by getting products sent to your local store for free so you can collect them – just maybe pick a day after Black Friday to pop in (you don’t want to be competing with the crowds after you safely shopped online to avoid the crush).
Cash in on being a new customer
Black Friday deals can offer as much as 50 per cent off big brand products and more, but you can try to get even more off by bagging a discount for being a new customer too.
Normally, if you haven’t shopped on a store’s website before, you can sign up to their email newsletter to get a percentage off your first purchase with them. Check the terms and conditions, but if this discount is valid with another offer, you’ll be able to add your new customer deal to a Black Friday offer for even more money off.
MADE is just one of many brands that offer money off if you sign up to their newsletter. (Picture: made.com)
Getting a better price with promo codes
Don’t fancy signing up to receive a flurry of branded newsletters into your inbox? There is another way you could potentially get even more money off your Black Friday deals by using promotional codes.
Metro.co.uk round up the best promo codes and deals each month. (Picture: discountcode.metro.co.uk)
Most brands and stores offer discount codes for their products, but the time of year and frequency that they release them varies greatly. Have a dig around online, or check out Metro.co.uk’s round up of discount codes & deals, to see if you can find any current promo codes for the brands or websites you are looking to buy from in the Black Friday sales and then see if you can apply the code at check out for an even better bargain.
Socialise your search
Follow your favourite brands on social media for up-to-the-minute news on when their Black Friday Sales are starting, finishing or extending.
Plus, talk to your friends about what Black Friday Deals you’re after and what they might be looking for. You never know what they might spot on their shopping spree and likewise you can let them know if you spot an item they wanted for a great price while you’re trawling the discounts online too.
Through my darkest times, I could sense when I was becoming an emotional burden to someone (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
In 1919, social etiquette dictated that when checking in on a friend, one must leave one’s coat and umbrella in the hall.
If you propose to stay only a short time, your hat and stick may be carried in your hand and gloves should not be removed when making an afternoon call.
Flash forward a 100 years and this week the gloves were off as Twitter users fought over the correct way to reach out to a friend in a time of need.
It all started when Twitter user Melissa Fabello tweeted a screen shot of a text message she had received from a friend. It read: ‘Do you have the emotional/mental capacity for me to vent about something medical/weight-related for a few minutes?’ along with a thread of tweets about why ‘asking permission’ before confiding in a friend is so important.
I want to chat briefly about this text that I received from a friend last week: pic.twitter.com/cfwYx3tJQB
Melissa praised the friend for having acknowledged her time limitations and emotional availability, and for not just offloading on her without warning.
She then tweeted a suggested template to use as a response: ‘Hey! I’m so glad you reached out. I’m actually at capacity/helping someone else who’s in crisis/dealing with some personal stuff right now and don’t think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead/ Do you have someone else you could reach out to?’.
Although the theory behind the advice is commendable, its execution is binarily robotic. Have interpersonal relationships really become more focused on space, capacity and boundaries, rather than compassion, patience and understanding? Is friendship now a commodity?
The reaction to her thread of advice was mixed. Some thought it was more important to protect yourself from their venting so as not to end up emotionally drained, while others accused Melissa of acting like a HR exec dealing with a tricky client.
The issue is nuanced, of course. No one can be there for all the issues of all their friends all the time, and of course it’s important not to spread yourself thin – but to tell someone you don’t have the time or ‘capacity’ to listen to them, will be a blow however you word it. Surely the priority shouldn’t be to our ‘capacity’ to listen but to firstly establish our friend’s level of distress and ability to cope on their own.
We’ve all had friends who sound like a broken record stuck on a track three ballad titled ‘Why Did He Leave Me?’, or mates who share every detail of their ongoing office fridge-war with Sandra from accounts like it’s a George RR Martin saga.
I have been both of these people, and as important as those kind of issues were to me at the time, ultimately they were non-urgent. If I had been in the midst of a mental health crisis, panic attack, or depths of depression however, a message like that would’ve sent me over the edge. That’s not to say that my mental state at the time was anyone else’s responsibility, I’m just being honest.
Melissa wasn’t saying she would intentionally deny attention to a friend who was in an emergency, but sometimes it takes so much bravery to build up the courage to reach out with a simple text and to be rejected – even with a well articulated, reasonable response – is crushing.
PS: Someone reached out and asked for an example of how you can respond to someone if you don’t have the space to support them.
Through my darkest times, I could sense when I was becoming an emotional burden to someone. I’ve even lost friends over it. Friends who sent texts like Melissa’s telling me they didn’t have the ‘capacity’ to be there for me at that time but then never got in touch again, still haven’t.
As someone whose mental health issues are driven by fear of abandonment, it was just about the worst thing that could happen to me. There were other friends, however, who told me in much kinder and compassionate ways that they were going through a tough time themselves and I took that as my cue to lean elsewhere.
They managed to take space for themselves without making me feel like an inconvenient burden. When they were stronger again, so was our friendship.
In an era of encouragement to talk about mental health, it is imperative that we listen too. When it comes to hearing a friend out, the most important boundaries to set are the ones within yourself so as not to allow a friend’s problems to become your own.
If someone is offloading their personal issues, it’s worth remembering that they are not dumping them onto you… they are dumping them in front of you. A person’s problem, once offloaded, does not have to become yours (Unless they’re coming clean about having locked Sandra from accounts in the fridge over the weekend. Then that legally becomes your problem too).
Personally, I like hearing my friends have a moan. It’s reassuring to know that I’m not alone in my misery, and sometimes it puts my own problems into perspective.
With more and more people conversing with therapist terminology, it’s worth remembering that not everyone is fortunate enough to be equipped with such vocabulary.
It’s a language that not everyone will understand and what one person intends as unequivocally healthy and reasonable, another person might read as rejection. It’s also worth bearing in mind that therapists are being paid to improve your mental strength, not necessarily your social skills. Communication and empathy are key.
The most important lesson to learn from this thread is that people feel very differently about how they want to be treated in interpersonal relationships so it’s best not to have a blanket rule.
It’s a good thing these things get discussed so we can take into consideration how differently people react to the same thing.
If a friend creates boundaries in order to protect themselves and you end up feeling less like a friend and more like something they need to be protected from, then maybe they’re not the right friend for you. It sucks, but I promise there will be other people out there who get it.
You can order it now for £17.99 (Picture: Baileys)
All orders will be shipped on Friday 27 December, so you’ll have a bottle in time for New Year.
What could be better than celebrating a new decade with a Red Velvet Baileys?
Well, maybe an actual chunk of Red Velvet cake on the side.
If you can’t wait until New Year and you’re desperate to try a unique Baileys flavour, you could head over to Asda, where you’ll be able to buy the Pumpkin Spice flavour.
The limited edition drink features hints of cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg, and is perfect served over ice or mixed up in a pumpkin spice latte.
You could even chuck it in a blender with some milk and ice cream and have a Baileys Pumpkin Spice milkshake. Mmm.
A woman has a phobia of cats that is so severe she can’t look at a picture of one without shuddering.
Jean Diffenthal, 55, panics if she comes anywhere near a cat, and avoids the pet food aisles in case she spots a picture on tinned food.
The grandmother-of-two is so afraid of kitties that she will also avoid watching certain TV programmes or adverts in case one pops up.
She also pays her relatives to put their cats in a cattery when she goes home to visit.
Any time she spots a cat she ‘freaks out’ and her heart starts racing, and even the word ‘cat’ gives her the ‘heebie-jeebies’.
It was a struggle for Jean to buy a house in Reading because she refused to view a property with a cat in it, or any kind of cat ornaments.
Jean is terrified of cats (Picture: Tony Kershaw / SWNS)
She has never touched a cat, and singing any nursery rhymes mentioning the animal is totally off the table.
Jean says the phobia has become worse over the years, and now makes everyday tasks difficult for her.
She’s desperate to find some help to overcome her fear and live a normal life.
Jean, who is currently unemployed, said: ‘I can’t be in the same room as a cat or even look at this without freaking out.
‘I’ll avoid the pet aisle at the supermarket so I don’t seem imagines of cats on tinned food.
‘I’m from South Africa originally and when I got home to visit family I’ll pay to put their cats in the cattery while I’m there.
‘I’ve got a tiny garden, but I’ve got about six cat repellents out there just in case.
‘I feel my heart racing and I break out into a sweat whenever I spot one – even saying the word gives me the heebie-jeebies.
‘I just tell people I’m allergic now to save time explaining the phobia because people just don’t understand it.’
Jean, who is originally from Durban, South Africa, moved to Reading 16 years ago, and has had a fear of domestic house cats for as long as she can remember.
She just wants to live a normal life (Picture: Tony Kershaw / SWNS)
She lives at home with her husband Russell and they have to plan ahead before visiting friends and family in case they have a cat.
Jean has visited a hypnotherapist, but nothing has helped her overcome her fear.
‘People always asked if it began because of some traumatic experience but it didn’t,’ Jean said.
‘For as long as I can remember I’ve been scared of them and I have no idea why. It’s something about their eyes and they’re agility – they quietly dart about.
‘I’ve never touched a cat because they look like they’re all skin and bone which freaks me out. Although it’s just domestic cats – I don’t have problem with lions or tigers.
‘I think moving from South Africa to the UK has made it worse because there are so many more pet cats here.
‘They’re often out roaming around and I don’t know where they’ll be hiding which terrifies me.’
The phobia has become more extreme over the years and it now affects Jean’s day-to-day life.
She has tried hynotherapy but it failed (Picture: Tony Kershaw / SWNS)
Simple tasks such as watching TV or spending time with her grandchildren, three-year-old twins Leyla and Renelan, have become a challenge.
She said: ‘I loved watching reality shows with my daughter Bianca but one of them had a resident cat on the show.
‘I had to look away every time it was on screen and wait until it was gone and safe to look again.
‘There so many adverts where they pop up and it sends my heart rate through the roof. I get sweaty when I see them and physically run away if I spot one.
‘It’s also difficult for my poor husband and we have to make sure there are no cats around when we go to places together.
‘Russell’s mum passed away recently but before, when I went to visit her in the care home, I had to get Russell to remove a cat picture off the wall in her room before I could go in.
‘I make him ask his friends and colleagues if they have one in the house before we go.
‘I ask my friends to lock them away in a different room, but on one occasion I heard one scratching at the door and I couldn’t stay.’
Jean went to see a hypnotherapist five years ago to try to overcome her debilitating fear of cats.
Unfortunately, she found the treatment ineffective and is still hoping to find hope and overcome her fear once and for all.
She said: ‘The therapist told me to pinch my fingers and think of something good whenever I saw a cat.
‘But I couldn’t look or be near one long enough to try it. It’s really hard to talk about it because no one really understands.
‘Although people are scared of things like spiders, which are tiny, so why are cats any stranger. It’s not like fearing a type of caterpillar that you seen once a month – I have to face them most days.
‘I hope sharing my story with show people that’s not that unusual. It’s really affecting everything I do and I want to volunteer for elderly care but often they’ll have pet cats in the house.’
If not, don’t panic, as you might have actually made a great tactical decision.
Black Friday is Friday 29 November, which means there will be plenty of bargains to be had.
Boots is one shop that really brings out the big guns, specifically when it comes to gifting.
Grab your presents in one fell swoop on Black Friday, and then it’s just the wrapping left to do. Of course, we won’t tell if you end up just splurging on gifts for yourself.
Liz Earle
(Picture: Boots)
Liz Earle products are fairly iconic, and make a great gift for anyone from the skincare newbie to your fussy mum.
A tantastic deal comes your way from Vita Liberata, who are well-loved in the tanning world for the fact their products don’t make you smell like biscuits.
BADgal BANG! BIGGER, BADDER volumizing mascara in intense pitch black – full-size
Gimme Brow+ brow-volumizing fiber gel in shade 3 – full-size
Cookie golden pearl super-silky highlighter – full-size
The POREfessional: Pearl Primer soft-radiance face primer to minimize the look of pores – mini
FREE travel-size makeup bag
V.I.P. pass for a makeupper and voucher for 500 advantage card points
Clinique
(Picture: Boots)
The Clinique Big Genius Little Genius Set is going to be half price from 29 November to 3 December/.
Normally £62, it’ll be priced at £31 and contains full size Dramatically Different moisturisers, in both mini and maxi format.
Grow Gorgeous
(Picture: Boots)
This exclusive gift set will be available from 29 November to 3 December, so keep your eyes pealed.
It’s worth £74, but will be available for £37.50, and contains products from the Intense range, designed to get your hair looking like Rapunzel’s in no time.
Real Techniques
(Picture: Boots)
This isn’t strictly Black Friday, but is a really great deal. Cyber Monday – Black Friday’s little internet-obsessed cousin – sees discounts through the full Real Techniques range.
Not just any discounts either. You can get 50% off the full range, for one day only on Boots.com.
Set your clocks for Monday 2 December. It’s going to be good.
A number of experts have shared their thoughts on which wellness trends will dominate as we enter a new decade – and there are some interesting predictions.
Take note of these new buzzwords – we’re likely to be hearing a whole lot more of them over the coming months.
Digital detoxing
Trends, in general, tend to resemble a swinging pendulum. Once a pendulum has gradually built up and swung too far one way, it needs to go plummeting back in the other direction.
If we continue to do something so much that it climaxes, it will then stop and move in another direction. It will then go back in the same direction as before, once enough time has elapsed.
Many think this will be the case for the way we use smart phones and devices in 2020. Currently, as a society we are obsessed with our phones – so much so its having a negative impact on our lives and our health.
Coach and hypnosis trainer Rebecca Lockwood believes that 2020 will see a rise in people looking to detox from their phones – for the sake of their general wellbeing and mental health.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Dopamine is released each time we see a “comment” or a “like” on social media and each time we receive notifications on our smartphones.
‘Our minds then become addicted to this feeling and the activity that creates it. This gives the side effect of constantly checking social media and smartphones.
‘In 2020 we are going to see a rise of people coming to the realisation that experiences and being present in those moments create a far richer life than flocking to social media platforms and being glued to smartphones.
‘Experiences are to be lived, and felt, it is no longer a time to pull out a phone to experience things, but to leave them in pockets.’
V-Care
More attention will be paid to the female body within wellness (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
The year of the vagina has finally arrived.
V-care – short for vaginal healthcare – will be the term on everyone’s lips next year.
Stephanie Taylor, the managing director of Kegel8, believes the past few years have seen a rise in women proudly reclaiming their bodies – but 2020 will see things explode in a big way.
She says: ‘In 2020, it will become common place to see FemTech products like vibrators, pelvic floor Kegel trainers and wearable devices sitting alongside shampoos, deodorants and fake tan on both physical and virtual beauty shelves.’
Stephanie also believes that 2020 will be the year that period-tracking and ovulation apps will face stricter regulation – with the help of FemTech.
So stay tuned for plenty more action.
DNA
It’s not just Lizzo who has taken a DNA test recently – DIY kits have exploded in popularity over the past few years.
But experts predict that this fascination with DNA can be taken one step further in 2020 – to help with an individual’s health and wellbeing.
Nathan Berkley, CEO of Muhdo Health said: ‘Few people are aware they can be used to improve your health and fitness, not just see your ancestry.
‘DNA and epigenetics testing can be used to tell you details about your internal health, show you where you need to make changes to your diet and fitness regime and then allow you to monitor the impact on your body.
‘In 2020, we will increasingly see everyone from professional athletes to those just wanting to get fitter incorporating DNA kits into their everyday training regimes, taking out the guesswork and ensuring that they stay on track to attain their fitness goals.’
DNA testing can be used to tailor a person’s health regime and wellbeing activities, to ensure they are working best for their particular makeup.
This the very definition of a personalised health and fitness regime.
Physical Intelligence
Physical Intelligence is the brainchild of Claire Dale and Patricia Peyton, who coined the phrase in their wellness book by the same name.
The phenomenon sits alongside Emotional Intelligence and IQ – and is all about our ability to manage the balance of chemicals in our bodies that dictate how we feel, think and behave – making us more happy, fulfilled and successful overall.
The pair say: ‘Eight key chemicals dictate how we think, feel, speak and behave.
‘Physical Intelligence is our ability to detect and actively manage the balance of these chemicals in our bodies and brains using movement, posture, breathing and communication techniques in order to be our best self.
‘We can alter our mood, emotional responses, stress, confidence and happiness levels at will using simple but effective mind-body techniques, integrated into our lives all day, everyday.’
Cannabis tea
Fancy a brew? (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
The rise of CBD can be one of the biggest wellness takeaways from 2019, but the trend will continue to grow in 2020 – and is expected to become an everyday part of life.
Michael Fitzgerald, the co-founder of Body and Mind Botanicals predicts cannabis tea is likely to become increasingly popular, as it’ll be easy to incorporate into everyday routines.
He says: ‘Cannabis tea will be a hugely popular product next year as consumers are searching for the most natural and bio-available way to consume CBD. Cannabis tea delivers on both these points.
‘The benefits are very far-reaching as the tea interacts with most cells in the body and the central nervous system. Cannabis tea in its rawest form it is packed full of CBDa which interacts with the body even better than CBD. It has been shown to help people relax, sleep better and relieve stress and anxiety.’
Ecotherapy
The healing power of nature is something that’s becoming more and more of a discussion point. So much so, that earlier this year a medical practice in Hulme, Manchester, started to prescribe gardening to people with anxiety and depression.
This concept – known as ecotherapy – refers to any outdoor activity which positively impacts an individual’s health or wellbeing.
This can be gardening, walking, horse-riding or anything that involves getting outside.
Author Camille Knowles says: ‘It’s something that has become so important given we live in a society where we have to try and unplug ourselves from technology.
‘Finnish researchers who’ve measured wellbeing levels and stress and anxiety before and after 20-minute walks have discovered that there is a remarkable difference in a boost in wellbeing moods and significant reduction in stress.
‘Nature has incredible healing qualities so much so that ecotherapy treatment is being prescribed for stress and anxiety. This is because natural landscapes stimulate or rest the parasympathetic nervous system.’
Blue Mindfulness
Take the plunge (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
This wellness trend is inspired by the book Blue Mind by Wallace J Nichols – which outlines how water-based activities can change physical and mental health.
Blue Mindfulness therefore refers to harnessing the power of water to soothe and calm us, in a number of ways.
Activities such as wild swimming, surfing, sailing or simply walking along by a stream can all help to do so.
Wellness coach Pippa Best says Blue Mindfulness is set to become a huge trend for 2020 – particularly with everyone being more eco-concious.
She says: ‘Blue Mindfulness brings together our love of the big blue, with the increasingly popular pursuit of mindfulness, and a growing desire to follow David Attenborough’s lead and protect our oceans.
‘It’s also a trend that links directly to growing concerns about climate change in 2019. Oceans have a vital role in removing carbon dioxide from the atmosphere – and exponents of blue mindfulness are equally committed to protecting and preserving the water that inspires them.’
They’re just so cute together (Picture: Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary)
Grab the tissues and get ready for a tearjerker.
A blind bison named Helen has lived at the Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary in Oregon for years, roaming the fields and hoping to one day make a friend.
Because of her nervous disposition, she spent most of her time alone.
That is, until now – Helen, who has been aching for a pal, has finally met someone she gets along with.
Say hello to Oliver, a young Jersey calf who has fought his way into Helen’s heart with his gentle curiosity and kind manner.
The two are now best friends and do everything together, so much so that Oliver’s fur has changed in shade to match Helen’s.
‘He’s actually turned into a baby buffalo,’ Gwen Jakubisin at the Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary told USA Today.
‘The change in her demeanor is incredible, her joy is palpable.’
There are around 250 farm animals at the sanctuary, and thanks to her new friendship, Helen has started to reach out to the others to extend her social circle.
She has also become something of a surrogate mum for Oliver.
‘Betsy (Oliver’s mom) usually drops Oliver off at “daycare” and roams around while Helen watches over him for the rest of day, and she’s cool with that,’ said Gwen.
‘I catch them grooming each other, which is amazing because I don’t think Helen has ever had that opportunity to express that motherly instinct before.’
Helen and Oliver are inseparable (Picture: Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary)
Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary rescues farm animals ‘who have seen the very worst of humanity’ and rehabilitates them in a safe, nurturing environment.
‘At Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary we believe that every individual has the right to freedom,’ the organisation’s description reads on its Facebook page.
‘Freedom from pain, freedom from fear, and freedom from oppression.
‘We provide those with the most heartbreaking stories hope and the promise of the freedom to be themselves. A promise of companionship, of love, and of care.
‘Our sanctuary is home to 250 non-human animals who have seen the very worst of humanity and every day they amaze us with their profound abilities to love and to be loved, even after the tragedies they have endured.
‘Our goal is to share their stories with the community and bring about positive change in the way they are viewed by society.
Helen looks after Oliver on the farm (Picture: Lighthouse Farm Sanctuary)
‘By fostering beautiful, meaningful bonds between people and the animals they may see as “food” or as “things” we are changing the future for the individuals who mean so much to us.
‘People who visit and volunteer at the sanctuary often comment on the unique sense of peace they feel when being here.
‘All of our residents cohabitate peacefully and have strong friendships with one another. They know they are safe and loved. We like to call it a kind of magic created by love, trust, and understanding.’
People are mesmerised by Helen and Oscar’s beautiful friendship, with one person tweeting: ‘Just more proof that we all need love, in whatever form. #unlikelyfriendships.’
Thank you, come again (Picture: Jo Harding /SWNS.COM)
Pet-loving shoppers are boycotting a Tesco Express store after bosses banned a friendly cat who had become a regular visitor at the Norwich store.
Little Pumpkin frequents the store for naps and social time, sleeping on the tills and rolling over for pats from customers.
Pumpkin lives with grandmother and cat-lover Jo Harding, her husband Lee, daughter Abbie and granddaughter Amelia, along with seven other cats and a dog.
He is a rescue cat whose home is just a few doors down from the Tesco, but despite the fact he’s been a huge hit with the customers, store chiefs have now banned the popular ginger Tom from coming in, saying it’s ‘not Tesco policy.’
Store leader, Andrew Tabiner, 49, said the cat was ‘banned’ with some members of staff calling him a ‘hindrance and a pain’.
The cruel banning even made the local papers, where Tabiner said ‘The bottom line is it should not be in the store, as it is not Tesco policy, and we are doing everything we can to discourage it from coming in. It is absolutely not a shop pet.’
His owner said he’s like a security guard (Picture: Jo Harding /SWNS.COM)
He said that Pumpkin was probably drawn in by the warmth of the store, and hinted that passers-by may have been feeding the pet outside the supermarket.
Those who heard of the ban have not reacted how Tesco perhaps imagined, and instead have been boycotting the store, located in Drayton.
One angry person wrote in a local Facebook group: ‘Not sure how you can ‘ban’ a cat from anywhere, particularly a cat who is clearly very streetwise since he is a rescue who lived on the streets for years?! Everyone loves him around here and with good reason.’
Another said: ‘Poor pumpkin. He is such a character. I think his supporters should boycott Tesco.’
He has manners, and can sit at the table like a good boy (Picture: Jo Harding/SWNS.COM)
His owner Jo Harding, 49, said Pumpkin ‘isn’t causing any harm’ and regularly pops into his favourite shops in the town including an estate agents and the local pub.
Jo said: ‘He’s no bother I think he just wants a bit of attention off people!
‘He was a street cat before we had him so he is very street wise and Tesco is where he spends most of his time. He’s been going in there for 18 months now and I know the staff all love him so I’m not sure why he’s being stopped after so long.
‘He mainly lies by the door- he’s like a security guard!’
An unexpected item in the bagging area (Picture: Jo Harding /SWNS.COM)
Pumpkin and Jo have been inundated with support from the local community, with the cat’s personal Facebook receiving 300 friend requests in the two days since the ban.
‘He’s got more friends than me!’ said Jo.
‘He’s got followers from the USA, Canada and Norway- I have no idea how it’s reached that far! People were saying they were boycotting Tesco, it’s just gone a bit mental.’
Jo says that the only way she can keep six-year-old Pumpkin out of the Tesco is by keeping him in, which she says is ‘unfair on him’.
The family adopted Pumpkin from a local charity two years ago and has been with them ever since.
A Tesco spokesperson said: ‘Although we love the little ginger cat who visits Acres Way Express a food store isn’t the best place for a cat to be, so our colleagues gently encourage him to go out when he tries to come in.’
Perhaps they’ll change their minds when sales of cat food from local animal lovers plummet.
The Cath Kidston advent calendar would make a wonderful gift for someone special (Picture: Amazon / Metro.co.uk)
Calling all beauty lovers! Black Friday may be a week away (November 29th), but Amazon’s deals and discounts have kicked off and we’ve seen huge price drops across tech, beauty, homeware and more.
You may think it’s worth holding out until Black Friday itself, but there are already some great discounts worthy of your consideration.
From a discounted best-selling beauty advent calendar to a top-rated electronic toothbrush, ahead we’ve selected all the very best beauty deals on Amazon you can add to your basket today.
Love a soundtrack to your day? Amazon is giving music lovers the chance to stream four months of their Amazon Music Unlimited service for under one pound. You'll be able to skip as many tracks as you like and you won't be interrupted by adverts. You don't need to be a Prime member to take advantage of this amazing deal, but it's only available for new subscribers.
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My partner has always gambled. Like many sports fans he would put an accumulator on the football at the weekend, or play the slot machines on his iPad.
Gambling has become so normalised, such an innate part of watching sport, I never for one second considered it would become a problem. But it was about to turn into an addiction that nearly broke us financially and almost shattered our relationship.
When I first noticed outgoings from our joint bank account to betting sites, I assumed my boyfriend had put on a few bets here and there.
It was only when I looked further down the account statement that I realised he’d spent over £500 in a few weeks.
We lived together and shared all our funds, which meant he hadn’t just spent his money but mine as well. I got annoyed, told him I was upset and made it clear he shouldn’t gamble again.
It was months before I discovered he’d also been gambling from his own accounts. He had lost more he had bet more, hoping to win it back before I found out.
In the seven years we have been together, my partner has spent around £3,000 on gambling sites.
He’s had long periods where he hasn’t gambled as well as several relapses. I’ve tried to bargain with him, promising that if he stopped gambling I would stand by him, and threatened to leave if he ever gambled again.
One of the hardest parts of the situation has been finding ourselves in debt. My partner not only gambled away our money, but he also lied about having paid our bills and we ended up owing over £2,000 to several utility companies.
It was frustrating to work all month long and still not be able to pay our bills. Initially it would always lead to arguments but after a while I realised that bickering wasn’t going to solve things, so we sat down and worked out a strategy to get our finances back on track.
My partner not only gambled away our money, he also lied about having paid our bills and we ended up owing over £2,000 to several utility companies.
We called every company we owed money to and explained we couldn’t afford to pay then and there.
Instead, we asked for a 12 month payment plan. Most of the companies were understanding and very helpful and put payment plans in place.
In the shorter-term, we ended up borrowing from the bank and taking out a credit card for any bills that couldn’t be spread over a few months. It meant racking up more debt but we didn’t have a choice.
Three years on and by sticking to the plans and monitoring our outgoings, we’ve finally paid off most of our debt.
The money aside, realising my partner is a gambling addict shocked me to the core.
I just couldn’t picture him as that. It was a world away from the kind, funny, generous man I fell in love with and I have to be honest, I have considered leaving.
Trust should be at the core of every relationship and when that is broken it leaves a mark that taints every aspect of what you and your partner share. It’s intensified when it comes to something as important as money.
His addiction hasn’t changed how I feel about him, however. I still love him and can now picture a future with him.
Seeing him in floods of tears after a relapse made me understand how significantly he had been impacted by the mental illness of addiction. As he cried, I knew that finally telling me the truth was a weight lifted and I saw the person I had fallen for.
His addition is under control at present but it will be part of our lives forever. He contacted a gambling support community that helped him close every last betting account and he has been banned for life with every UK company he could find after self-identifying as an addict.
He also chose to grant me access to his bank accounts, which has given me peace of mind and improved our trust. He has worked hard to stay on track and hasn’t gambled since his last relapse, something I am grateful for every day.
Trust should be at the core of every relationship and when that is broken, it leaves a mark that taints every aspect of what you and your partner share.
We are so used to the idea of relationships being the solution to stress and loneliness, but relationships are hard. Challenges arise for every couple at one point or another, but when they come I’ve learnt just how important it is to tackle the problems together.
We now talk far more openly and frankly than we previously did. There are no longer boundaries to our conversations and we are completely transparent with each other.
We have always spent a lot of time together but now we also plan day trips and weekends away.
Addiction can be isolating, not just for the person going through it but the people that love them, too. I stayed with him because I understand that addiction is an illness and something he isn’t in full control of. I have anxiety myself so I’m no stranger to mental health problems. He has supported me, so I want to be there to support him.
No relationship is ever perfect, despite how it might appear to the outside world. Before I met my boyfriend I was far more naive about what true love was.
It isn’t all rainbows and butterflies. Real love is being there for someone no matter what. It’s about supporting them, even when your heart is breaking.
Love, Or Something Like It is a new series for Metro.co.uk, covering everything from mating and dating to lust and loss, to find out what love is and how to find it in the present day.
If you have a love story to share, email rosy.edwards@metro.co.uk
‘We must ensure support and education is provided so people only take on responsible, manageable debt; in turn, this will help us break the taboo surrounding the subject and prevent debt being treated as a dirty word’ (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Having a large amount of debt can be incredibly hard to deal with.
Not only does it influence your credit score (making it more difficult for you to get a loan, should you need one) and hinder you from enjoying your money (because you’re constantly trying to get yourself out of debt), but it can also affect your mental health.
A study by N26, a British online bank, found that more than 18million UK adults worry about money on a daily basis, with nearly a third (32%) admitting that it gives them sleeping problems.
Additionally, a different piece of research from the bank, showed that 9.5million Brits have mental health issues as a direct result of financial anxiety.
Sarah*, 26, who suffers from depression, tells us that her seemingly insurmountable debt was made even worse by the fact it stopped her from being able to do the things that help her cope with her condition.
‘Being in debt was extremely detrimental to my mental health, mainly because all the things I was supposed to be doing to help my depression (therapy, gym memberships, going out) cost money I didn’t have,’ she says.
‘It also just makes you feel like it’s another reason you’re a failure, because everybody else seems to be able to live off their wages and you’ve ended up in debt.’
To make matters worse, she took on more work in order to pay off the debt, which added to her mental ill-health.
She says: ‘On top of that, I ended up overworking myself a lot to get out of the debt, and became burned out.
‘Money is a huge source of worry for my age group, and most of my friends have lost sleep over money and debt at some point or another.
‘Honestly, the only thing available to do to cope was just face up to it and speak to my creditors to sort things out.
‘I have also gone on to complain through Resolver [a free online tool for claims around debt] about some of them, as I felt the debt spirals they kept me in were damaging to my health.
‘It’s a lonely situation, but there are lots of free services out there to help you.’
The shame that surrounds debt only makes the situation worse.
As Sarah describes, it can be a very lonely endeavour and many people don’t want to talk about their debt for fear of what others will think of them.
Feeling unable to share your problems can exacerbate existing mental health issues, which is why it’s so important to talk about debt.
Debt stress can exacerbate existing mental health issues (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
‘Debt should not be seen as a bad thing given how useful debt can be in enabling people to achieve significant life goals, whatever they may be,’ said John Ellmore, director of Know Your Money.
‘What is important is that people feel in control of their debt, and unfortunately a quarter of consumers say this isn’t the case.
‘Feeling out of control of your debt, which can result from taking on too much debt or not first considering repayment plans, can lead to significant mental health problems.
‘We must ensure support and education is provided so people only take on responsible, manageable debt; in turn, this will help us break the taboo surrounding the subject and prevent debt being treated as a dirty word.’
While the debt might feel insurmountable, it’s often the shame that comes with it that makes the mental health impact worse.
Talking about debt can help alleviate symptoms.
How to manage mental health issues caused by debt
The most important thing is to make a plan to get yourself back in the green and hopefully, by doing so, you will lessen the stress and pressure you might feel.
‘Being in debt can cause serious mental health problems, can trigger depression or anxiety, and worsen existing mental health issues,’ Dr Akash Patel, lead GP at MyHealthcare Clinic, tells Metro.co.uk.
‘While none of us enjoy the stress of being in debt, it can be a slippery slope when it comes to your mental health. 46% of people who have a problem with debt also experienced issues with their mental health.’
What are the signs of mental health issues caused by overwhelming debt?
The symptoms of mental health problems due to debt vary for each person but can include:
Feeling sad, sick or overburdened by the thought of your debt
Not being able to sleep or eat properly due to worrying about debt
Feeling withdrawn from friends, family and loved ones due to worrying over debt
Under-performing at work or in your studies due to worrying over debt
Worsening symptoms of an existing case of depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses
Dr Patel also explains that some people turn to harmful methods to manage debt stress, such as alcohol, drugs or gambling, which often only makes the situation worse.
Try to avoid falling into negative patterns and instead focus on positive change that can help you improve your debt, and your mental health.
‘I often find that my patients who experience debt feel hopeless, embarrassed and like things are spiralling out of control,’ he says.
‘I would recommend if you are having difficulty with debt to seek help, there are a number of agencies out there who can help you get on top of your debt, reduce your stress and start to take back control of your finances.
‘Speaking to your GP or a therapist can also help you to start to manage the impact debt has had on your mental health and well-being.
‘It’s very common to not know what to do or who to turn to when you get into debt, but know that there are services there to help you get back on your feet.’
You could contact StepChange, a charity that gives debt advice and can help you put together a plan on how to get rid of your debt.
Also, read up on what debt you should pay off first: we’ve put together a handy guide to help you out.
If you’re struggling to cope with your mental health problems, there are places you can turn to.
Just need someone to talk to? Beyond chatting to your GP, you can call the Samaritans on their 24-hour phone line on 116 123 or contact the charity through their website, if you prefer.
Mind is another alternative; call them on 0300 123 3393 or text 86463.
Both services are confidential and free.
Having debt can be overwhelming and paying it off is important, but look after your health and mental health first.
Once you lessen the mental load of the debt, you’ll be able to better cope with it.
Debt Month
This article is part of a month-long focus in November all about debt.
Scary word, we know, but we're hoping if we tackle this head on we'll be able to reduce the shame around money struggles and help everyone improve their understanding of their finances.
Heather Clatworthy broke her spine during childbirth in 2010 – but doctors didn’t realise as they put her screams down to the pain of giving birth.
‘I was giving birth to my first child, Lilly, Heather tells us.
‘When I asked the midwife if the pain I was experiencing in my upper back was normal, I will never forget her saying to me; “It’s going to get a hell of a lot harder than this love!”‘
It wasn’t until Lilly was a few weeks old that Heather finally went to the doctors, after simple tasks like lifting her daughter out of her Moses basket, became unbearable.
‘They told me that I had likely pulled a muscle whilst breastfeeding and sent me back home with painkillers, which I was unable to take due to their side effects.
‘I will always remember my worst day; I tried to lift the car seat with my daughter in it from the pram to the car.
‘It was pouring with rain and after attempting multiple angles; I ended up on all fours, desperately trying to shelter Lilly from the rain, seeking help from a random passerby.’
‘I’m so grateful that I can still enjoy training whilst keeping my spine healthy at the same time’ (Picture: Heather Clatworthy)
She went back to the doctors, but her pain was again dismissed as muscular. Months later, Heather finally had a scan which confirmed that she had fractured her spine and developed osteoporosis.
‘As a new mother who was virtually alone, this felt like a death sentence,’ says Heather. ‘I just kept thinking; “how can I wrap myself up in cotton wool while being a good mother at the same time?”‘
She got through the worst of it, and when she fell pregnant again she did everything she could to strengthen her body to prevent a recurrence – but weeks after giving birth to her son Basil in 2014, she fractured her spine for the second time.
‘I was out jogging with the pram,’ explains Heather. ‘The doctor told me that I would need to take painkillers for the rest of my life to control the pain.
‘Once I had weaned Lilly off breast milk, I succumbed to the painkillers, but I quickly realised that this would result in a lifetime of inactivity – and likely weight gain, given my love for food!’
The medication Heather was prescribed had a strong sedative effect on her body, which was a completely impractical solution for a mother who was raising her babies single-handedly, for the majority of the time.
That’s when she turned to fitness.
‘I began to read up on more natural healing processes, and with the full support of my consultant, I chose to manage my spine through fitness.
‘In addition to this, I take a small dose of medication and a vitamin D supplement which aids my bone strength.’
Heather grew up in a small, seaside town in Northern Ireland, so she spent most of her childhood around the water.
In 2016, back home in Northern Ireland, Heather was sitting on a hill looking out to sea and remembered how she had always desperately wanted to swim the 13-miles to the other side of the coast.
‘I decided there and then that I was going to do whatever it took to at least attempt it, and I knew that the only person who could stop me from achieving it was myself.
‘The day of the swim arrived and I completed it in four hours, 20 minutes; I was so shocked because I had prepared to be in the water for over 24 hours, let alone break a record in being the first Irish person to have ever completed the swim.
‘Swimming helps me to be a better mummy to my two beautiful children’ (Picture: Heather Clatworthy)
‘It was at that moment I realised that I could complete any challenge I put my mind to, and it is that mind-set that has shaped who I am today.’
Now Heather needed her next challenge. A self-described ‘adrenaline junkie’, she knew she had to go big. She decided to swim the length of the English Channel.
‘My first attempt was in 2018, but unfortunately, I didn’t successfully complete it because the weather and tidal change took me too far North of the French coastline.
‘I was still really happy with what I’d achieved though; I wasn’t even sure if I’d reach the half way point which I did so this time, I can only do my best and hope that everything goes smoothly on the day.’
Heather lives in the midlands – as far from the sea as it’s possible to be in the UK, so the majority of her training takes place in the local river.
‘Plunging myself into freezing cold water can be quite challenging, especially during the winter, but for me, the hardest thing is fitting in the time to train whilst working full-time and being a mother of two young children.
‘But, after a few hours, I forget about all that and just feel grateful that I can still enjoy training whilst keeping my spine healthy at the same time.’
Heather says she sees herself in three different versions; firstly a mother, secondly a career woman, and thirdly herself.
‘Putting myself last is a choice, but essential if I am to hold us all together,’ she explains.
‘In some ways, swimming is my “me time”, but I’m not someone who craves much of this.
‘When I’ve been at work all day, got home and helped the children with their homework, cooked our tea, read them a bedtime story and completed the housework, the last thing I want to do is ask a friend to babysit so that I can go out and train for a few hours.
‘But, once I am in the zone and can focus solely on just breathing and moving, I am reminded of the tremendous physical and mental health benefits that swimming gives me, which I know help me to be a better mummy to my two beautiful children.’
Heather says she’s conscious that what she does has a direct impact on her kids, and she says she never wants her training to have a knock-on effect on their lives.
‘Everything I do is with their consent – I ask them: “Do you want mummy to try to swim to France?” And every time they reply; “yes and you’d better get there this time!”
‘I try to incorporate most of my training into being a mum at the same time; we often take the bikes and go on long adventures; do yoga before breakfast together, or we go down to the park with our friends and set each other fun assault course style challenges using the monkey bars, picnic benches and logs.’
‘Putting myself last is a choice, but essential if I am to hold us all together’ (Picture: Heather Clatworthy)
Heather says swimming is the thing that has helped her grow into a strong, independent woman – despite the setbacks and injuries she has faced.
‘When I swim, nobody can call me into a last-minute meeting at work, or ask if we can make an entire city out of a cardboard box ready for the next day at school.
‘During this time, I remind myself that no bills need to be paid or work deadlines need to be met. It is a time when I can be my raw self, without wearing any mascara or heels or forcing a bright smile regardless of how my day’s gone.
‘All I have to do is keep swimming as best as I can, before I get home and put my “mum hat” back on.’
Heather believes that her strength comes from her ability to overcome difficult times, but she says she couldn’t feel as strong as she does without the enduring support of her friends and family.
‘Without them, I wouldn’t be able to go out for long training sessions on my own, or to juggle being a full-time mum and working at the same time; it is them cheering me on and waiting to give me a huge hug at the end of every long swim I do – I am so grateful.
‘A strong woman is simply one who survives adversity and turns every negative situation she conquers into a positive one that benefits both her own and others’ lives.
‘I was privileged to hold the hand of my maternal grandmother as she took her last breaths, and I learnt a lot from her life journey.
‘That strong 94-year-old woman, who was once a girl, a mum, a worker, a cake and jam making great-granny, charitable fundraiser and socialite to the many, taught me that when times are tough, you just have to keep going and when times are good, you should cherish them forever.’
Heather has been a keen horse rider since she was seven years old and will be swimming across the channel in aid of The British Horse Society.
Strong Women
Strong Women is a weekly series that champions diversity in the world of sport and fitness.
A Sport England study found that 40% of women were avoiding physical activity due to a fear of judgement.
But, contrary to the limited images we so often see, women of any age, size, race or ability can be active and enjoy sport and fitness.
We hope that by normalising diverse depictions of women who are fit, strong and love their bodies, we will empower all women to shed their self-consciousness when it comes to getting active.
Each week we talk to women who are redefining what it means to be strong and achieving incredible things.
Deena and Josh own a two-bedroom house in Chatham, Kent (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
What’s it like to buy a home?
Our new weekly series, What I Own, wants to answer that question, nosing around a different person’s property each week and asking them questions about how on earth they afforded it.
Basically, this is the owning version of What I Rent, because we’re curious about those magical people that somehow manage to save up a deposit rather than spaffing thousands on renting a tiny studio flat.
This time we’re looking around the two-bedroom home of Deena, a 26-year-old marketing assistant, and her boyfriend Josh, who bought a home in Medway, Kent they share with their pug, Woof.
Their deposit was £40,000, but they only had to save up half (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Hey, Deena. Let’s talk deposit. How much was it?
Our deposit was £40,000 (eek). We saved up half between us, we already had some money saved and got the rest by being super strict. We were renting at the time so it was difficult!
We were, very kindly, gifted the other half which we’re SO appreciative of.
We purchased the house together. We have a legal agreement (declaration of trust) that if we ever part ways and sell, we will get back what we put in.
So what’s the total cost of your home?
Our house cost £192,500 in total. So our mortgage is £152,500 and lasts for 35 years, to keep monthly payments low.
The couple now pay £520 a month for their mortgage (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
How much do you now need to pay per month?
Our mortgage is around £520 per month, but this goes up after five years of living here, and bills come to around £200 a month (including the essentials like Netflix and Spotify).
We’ve been here for one year and seven months.
How did you choose this house?
We literally looked at about 100 houses. We put offers in on a few and got to the legal part on one house before pulling out because the survey came back awful.
A lot of the houses within our budget had front doors that opened into the living room and bathrooms downstairs, so we love that ours has a porch and hallway with a living room at the back of the house and a bathroom upstairs.
And this is their dog, Woof (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
And why Kent?
I am originally from Swanley in Kent and wanted to stay close to home. Josh is from East London, which we obviously cannot afford London prices, so it made sense for him to come down here. We rented in Gravesend before we bought our house but Medway is way more affordable!
What was the process of getting a mortgage like?
The process of getting a mortgage was less daunting then we thought it would be. We did have a lovely mortgage adviser who made the process simple and easy for us (for a small fee, of course).
We will probably go back to her once we’ve lived in the house for five years to see if we can get a better rate.
The couple have been living in the house for a year and seven months (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
How have you made the house feel like home?
We’re slowly making our way through decorating the house. We were lucky that the house was in a really good condition so everything we have done is just down to personal taste.
We still have a bright green spare bedroom which is sickening but it will do for now!
The kitchen and hallway needs a good lick of paint too and everything needs neatening up.
Have you had to spend a lot on things for the house?
We had to get new windows and doors shortly after we moved in as they were falling apart. That was the largest expense, and we’ve replaced the boiler, kitchen cabinets and furniture items.
The previous homeowners gifted us a LOT of furniture which we’re slowly replacing. In total it’s probably come to around £10,000.
Monthly payments will increase after they’ve lived here for five years (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Do you feel like you have enough space?
Enough for now! There isn’t much built-in cupboard space for storage but having loft space makes up for it, especially for random tat that you don’t need all year round, like Christmas stuff and fans.
Does owning pose any problems you didn’t have when you were renting?
Yes, our boiler broke down in March and we had to fill up the bath using the kettle or take cold showers. And it was freezing cold this March! If we rented, we would just call up our landlord to get it fixed.
Although, if we rented we probably wouldn’t be able to have a dog.
What are your housing plans for the future?
We won’t stay here forever, but we aren’t looking to move in the near future. Our house opens up onto the path so our next home will have a driveway, and maybe more bedrooms! Woof would like a little bedroom of his own.
Here’s the living room (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
It’s big enough for a dining table, too (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
There are plenty of personal touches dotted around the place (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Cute, right? (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Flowers on the table? You’re fancy (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Here’s the kitchen (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
We approve of the pug mug (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
And the magnet (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Up the stairs we go, passing the guardian of the home (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Ooh, cool clock (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
There’s the green bedroom they mentioned (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
And here’s the main bedroom (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Cute (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
Finally, the bathroom (Picture: SWNS/Metro.co.uk)
How to get involved in What I Own
What I Own is a Metro.co.uk series that takes you inside people's properties, to take an honest look at what it's like to buy a home in the UK.
If you own your home and would be up for sharing your story, please email whatirent@metro.co.uk.
You'll need to have pictures taken of your kitchen, living room, bathroom, and bedroom, plus a few photos of you in your room. Make sure you get permission for your housemates! You'll also need to be okay with sharing how much you've paid to live there and how you afforded the deposit, as that's pretty important.
If you're renting, you can take part too! What I Own runs alongside What I Rent, which is the same series but all about renting. Again, if you'd like to get involved just email whatirent@metro.co.uk.
Keep your pets safe around essential oils (Picture: Getty)
Normally when Facebook ‘warnings’ are shared on our timelines, there’s little cause for concern.
Whether it’s an alert about bags being stolen in supermarkets or a phone phishing scam, they’re normally the staple of boomer Facebook rather than something to actually worry about.
There’s a current story doing the rounds, however, that acts as a genuine word of caution.
One woman called Marianna told a story about her own dog, who was acting strangely and unresponsive to his own name.
When she turned off her essential oil diffuser, however, her dog got better. Marianna didn’t realise the connection until another day when the pup had to be taken to the vet, where they told her just how common these issues are.
Essential oils can be extremely harmful to cats and dogs, and depending on which oils you use, can seriously affect their livers.
Vet, Zoe Costigan, from pet wellbeing specialist firm Itchpet.com, told Metro.co.uk: ‘We need to be cautious when it comes to keeping essential oils in our homes as many oils could be potentially toxic to our pets.
‘Essential oils – as well as being used in room diffusers – are found in many products such as shampoos, air fresheners, insect repellants and may be accidentally ingested, absorbed across the skin or inhaled by animals’
Just like salt lamps, which are so hot right now, essential oil diffusers are a popular product as the wellness industry goes. Also like salt lamps, though, you need to be very aware of how they can effect your pets.
Essential oils that may be dangerous to cats and dogs
Cinnamon
Clove
Citrus (d-limonene)
Eucalyptus
Pennyroyal
Peppermint
Pine
Sweet birch
Tea tree (melaleuca)
Wintergreen
Ylang ylang
Thyme
Symptoms of essential oil poisoning
According to Zoe: ‘Signs of toxicity are variable depending on the type of oil, the concentration of the oil and how the pet has been exposed.’
Common initial signs of a problem may be:
Irritation to the face, paws or area of application
Hair loss
Inflamed skin
Hypersalivation
Retching or coughing.
In more severe cases animals may experience:
Behavioural changes
Ataxia (the loss of full control of bodily movements)
Depression
Tremors
Seizures
Difficulty breathing
What to do if your pet is showing symptoms
The first thing you should do is call a vet as soon as you think your pet might have been poisoned by essential oils.
If you still want to use essential oils in the home but keep your pets safe, you should opt for a passive diffuser. Unlike the ones common the market at the moment that use electricity and vibrations to diffuse the oils (active diffusers), these won’t use any stimulus – therefore making it less intense.
You’ve probably seen passive diffusers in the shops, as they can include reed diffusers that are easily available in any homeware shop. They can also come in the form of jewellery that gently lets the oils into the air.
It’s also important to stay aware of your pet’s habits before choosing oils for your home. For example, Zoe says, ‘Cats are even more sensitive to the effects of essential oils and although they rarely ingest them directly like dogs they may ingest them whilst grooming themselves or their housemates’.
So, if you have a cat, or a dog more prone to licking themselves or items in the house, it’s best to avoid them altogether.
