Remember being a kid and creating a fort with bed sheets and a lamp? It was the most magical thing ever.

And one mum has taken the humble fort to the next level by creating an incredible hideaway for her little girl in the dead space under the eaves in her loft.

Sara Tasker set about creating a magical, private space for her daughter, Orla, to snuggle up, watch her favourite shows or read her books.

The social media expert was having building work done to create an extra bedroom on the top floor of her home, when she realised that there was some dead space underneath the eaves.

‘It was going to be a cupboard and I thought, what if we made it something magical instead?’ Sara tells Metro.co.uk.

‘When I was little, a friend’s dad had built her a mini hideout in her bedroom and I always dreamed of having something similar.’

We don’t blame her. The hideaway is wood-panelled all the way around, it has soft fairy lights embedded in the ceiling and the floor is heaped with piles of fluffy cushions and throws. There’s even a little shelf for Orla to prop up a screen to watch TV. It even has a little door with a stylish rope handle.

‘Our joiner thought I was joking,’ says Sara. ‘Even after I’d explained it all, he didn’t believe we actually wanted it including.

‘But then he got really into it and made a perfect little door to go with it. It’s not cost us any extra, just a few pounds for more wood.’

Orla was, understandably, delighted.

‘We didn’t tell Orla until it was basically done,’ Sara adds. ‘We filled it with fairy lights and blankets and let her open the door herself. She couldn’t speak for the first few minutes, she was so excited!’

Now, how do we get one of these for under our desks at work?

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Margaret Reed has always wanted to make and sell her own crafts.

Now, at 89 years old, that dream has come true thanks to her daughter, Heather O’Neil.

Heather launched the online shop Creative Carer to help Margaret’s mind stay active after she was diagnosed with dementia.

Margaret cuts out figures and draws on faces to create specially made Christmas cards, which she sells through the store for £10 for a pack of five cards, with 25% of the profits going to the Alzheimer’s Society.

Margaret also makes scented paper flowers, which sell for £15.

The pensioner, who was diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s in 2012 has made hundreds of sales since the shop opened two years ago and requests are now coming in thick and fast from as far as Australia, Canada and America.

Heather, 58, said: ‘Mum always wanted us to have a craft shop together so this was a way of fulfilling her ambition.

‘Mum’s shop keeps her busy every day. She cuts out hundreds of petals for her flowers or hundreds of cat and dog shapes for her cards.

‘She has a purpose and feels useful which is very important for someone with memory problems.

‘My mum has made paper flowers for about 65 years, it has always been her favourite hobby.

‘The cards came about because mum had cut out literally thousands of cat and dog shapes and I wanted to put them to use.

‘We also had so many positive comments about them on our Facebook page, Creative Carer, I thought we would try them on Etsy and they have been very popular.’

Margaret has always enjoyed arts and crafts and has now settled into a comforting routine of cutting out paper with music on in the background, a Charlie Chaplin DVD on the TV, and the cat nearby.

The whole process is therapeutic, keeping Margaret’s mind busy and providing some relief from the confusion and agitation dementia can bring on.

‘Sometimes we make to order, other times we have stock built up. It very much depends on how mum is as to how much she does every day,’ says Heather.

‘My mum has always been very creative. She could turn her hand to anything.

‘Mum’s short term memory has gone completely, she often thinks I am her sister. She is confused most of the time and if she isn’t kept busy with her crafts or puzzles she gets very agitated.

‘Having reduced my hours at work as a business account manager to look after her, money is tight and her shop means mum is ‘self-funding’.

‘We donate 25% of our sales to the Alzheimer’s Society, which has now hit £800 and the rest I put in an account for mum’s craft materials and puzzles.’

If you’d like to buy a card or paper flower created by Margaret, you can put in an order through Etsy.

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Christmas is just around the corner, but have you started thinking about your New Year’s resolutions yet?

As most of us get ready to scoff down mince pies and dream of the delicious turkey trimmings to come, many people are also preparing for the rigorous health kick that follows in January.

It’s tradition, after all: new year, new you, new fitness routine (and maybe a vegan diet, too).

However, it might be worth jump-starting this health life a bit earlier than you’d planned – like now.

‘But what about all the Christmas events/food/alcohol/fun,’ you shout.

We are in no way suggesting that you give up the bliss of mulled wine and Quality Street throughout December, but committing to a health and well-being routine ahead of the festive period could help you in the long-run.

To start with, New Year’s resolutions tend to fail, according to research; a study by US News from 2017 revealed that 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail before February.

In 2018, we even had a date set for when people were most likely to quit, with 12 January marked as ‘Quitter’s Day’ by Strava, a social network for athletes.

One of the main reasons people often break resolutions is because these form part of a special effort to improve something in our lives in one swoop fell, rather than introducing it as part of our day-to-day life.

It can be difficult to maintain your motivation if you’re going from zero to 100 within the space of one day.

‘December is your chance to optimise your fitness,’ celebrity trainer and fitness entrepreneur Matt Fiddes, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘We are all feeling happy and jolly and it is the perfect time to channel that positivity into your physical and mental health.

‘But don’t overdue things – December is the busiest time in the social calendar and by burning the candle at both ends you will just get ill, but by even committing to three 30 minute intensive workout sessions per week you will feel a massive difference.

‘The key motivator here is your metabolism which is boosted for a number of hours post workout. If your heart rate hits a certain level you will continue to burn calories afterwards, which means you will less likely pile on the pounds after an indulgent meal.’

In other words, you can enjoy the constant holiday snacking, knowing that your body is just that bit better prepared for it.

This doesn’t mean you should deprive yourself during the Christmas season; it’s about balance.

You don’t necessarily need to join a gym, but just being more active helps and that includes winter walks in the park, a run around the neighbourhood or going sledding with the kids.

For those who want to kick things up a notch, strength training is useful, according to Elliott Upton, senior personal trainer at Ultimate Performance.

‘Strength training, in particular, will help you burn more calories, build muscle tissue which increases your metabolism, and help keep you more insulin sensitive, which gives you more stable blood sugar and better”‘real” energy levels and makes it easier to maintain a healthy weight,’ he tells us.

‘Exercising regularly over Christmas will mean you’re less likely to slip into bad habits which would then be harder to shake off come the New Year.

‘Overall, maintaining healthy habits year-round is a better and more sustainable way to do things, rather than going from one extreme to the other between Christmas and New Year.’

If you do decide to join the gym – or just attend more regularly – there’s another benefit to starting now: less crowds.

Data by the fitness clothing brand Half Human, which analysed Google searches for gym memberships in 2018, showed that these spike in the first week of January, but are at their lowest at the end of November and in early December.

If you find the gym intimidating, this is the perfect opportunity to get set up and settled in before the rush, and you can book in personal training sessions before schedules fill up.

January is also often seen as a month when people don’t want to spend money, because so much cash has gone towards the Christmas festivities.

Sure, you might still pay that expensive gym joining fee next month, but if you get it done now, you won’t need to worry about it or risk back-tracking when you’re tight for cash.

Instead of setting yourself hardcore rules for the beginning of the year, make a plan now and take small steps towards it – whether that’s a yoga class every week or simply deciding to eat more vegetables with your meals on a daily basis.

You could even give it a festive spin: rope your friends and family into going caroling with you around the neighbourhood, go ice skating or wander around a Christmas market for hours.

If you’re moving, it still counts.

Don’t make your fitness into a one-month fad, but adapt it so that it becomes part of your life – for good.

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When Patricia Williams shared a photo of her youngest son, Rockwell, she never expected it to spread all over the internet as a meme.

Rockwell has albinism, meaning he was born without pigment in his skin and hair.

His unusual white hair attracted attention from people online, who added text to photos of the baby, reading: ‘When she get pregnant by her sugar daddy’.

At first Patricia and her husband Dale were shocked and upset, and would personally message people who posted the meme to ask them to take the image down.

They soon realised they weren’t able to stop the meme spreading, so now want to use their son’s internet fame to raise awareness of albinism.

The parents of four have another son with albinism, seven-year-old Redd, who helped them learn about albinism before Rockwell’s arrival into the world.

When Redd was born in August 2012, Patricia noticed his eyes were constantly tracking from side to side. A meeting with a genetics specialist and optometrist revealed that Redd had oculocutaneous albinism type one (OCA1), nystagmus (an involuntary movement of the eyes), and strabismus (cross eyes). He is also legally blind.

When Redd began attending school he was often stared at or teased because of the way he looked.

As a result of how both Redd and Rockwell were treated, Patricia and Dale want to raise awareness of albinism and stop those with the condition being bullied.

‘When Redd was born, he came out with a full head of white hair and beautiful blue eyes,’ said Patricia. ‘At the time, we should’ve realised that there was something extra special with him when nurses (who were not our nurses) were coming in to see our ‘baby with the white hair.’

‘My husband and I were both born with blonde hair (as was my oldest son Gage), so seeing our second son with such blonde hair, didn’t strike us as unusual.

‘The first month we had him home I remember three things as being very unique. The first was his hair; it was so white that it would sparkle in the sunlight.

‘Second was the way his eyes were always tracking back and forth. I would try and block his view with my hands to see if he would divert his eyes down, but nothing ever worked.

‘Third was how his blue eyes would sometimes flash red when he was in certain light. This was by far the strangest occurrence, but with all of these things, I figured it was because he was a newborn and that he would eventually grow out of them.

‘When we confirmed that our son had albinism, I was initially shocked and did a lot of crying. I worried about my son’s future and how he would be treated.

‘I was unsure of how our dynamics as a family was going to change now that we had a son who burnt easily in the sun and would most likely be legally blind.

‘I feel like the attention and comments from strangers in public is much more common with our 21-month-old.

‘It’s very unusual to see a baby with white hair and Rockwell’s hair sticks straight up so it’s very noticeable.

‘I never expected my son’s photos to go viral on social media. Once I started gaining more and more followers, I started getting asked so many questions and realised that albinism is still very unfamiliar to people.

‘Personal points of views were very misguided and based on what people saw in movies. I realised I had a rare and unique opportunity to educate and spread awareness, by means of social media and by sharing photos of our family.’

Redd has had laser eye surgery to correct his strabismus and has recently moved from a private school for the blind to a public school.

His parents hope he can tackle some of the misconceptions around albinism.

‘People with albinism are just like everyone else,’ Patricia says. ‘One of the biggest misconceptions is that they have red eyes. Because their eyes lack pigment, it’s most common for them to have very light blue eyes.

‘Another large misconception with albinism is that he or she may have a mental disability, when this has nothing at all to do with albinism.

‘The scariest misconception is the way they are treated in certain parts of Africa, particularly Tanzania, where many of them are attacked and/or killed for their body parts.

‘It was sickening to learn that someone just like our Redd and Rockwell, has to fear for their life of being hunted.’

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It’s easy to assume that debt affects everybody in the same way. Whether you have a mortgage, credit cards, or short-term loans – debt is debt and anyone can get into it, right?

Well, not exactly. Structural inequalities and systemic barriers mean that certain groups in the UK are disproportionately affected by debt – and ethnic minorities are faring the worst.

It’s difficult to paint a comprehensive picture of just how significant this ethnicity debt gap is – none of the studies that collate the UK’s levels of debt include ethnicity in their analysis.

However, a 2014 study looked at the residents of Newham – the borough with the highest concentration of black and minority ethnic groups in the country – and found that the community had a significant problem with long-term debt.

‘Debt has affected almost all households in our study,’ wrote the researchers in their conclusion. ‘Over half the households we interviewed are already in debt and most of the rest have either been in debt or are at risk of debt.’

Within the population of Newham, Indian is the largest group with a 14% share, followed by Bangladeshi (13%), black African (12%) and Pakistani (10%). So it is significant that the study found ‘only one in 10 Newham residents says they are financially comfortable – compared with one in four Londoners.’

This isn’t a problem that is exclusive to Newham. You see it throughout the UK.

According to the findings of the Race Disparity Audit, one in five children in black households live in persistent poverty. And for those who aren’t in poverty, systemic inequalities mean there are limitations on earning and progression potential – which all increases the risk of falling into debt – and make it harder to get out of.

The impact of migration and cultural attitudes towards money also contribute to the unequal levels of debt in this country.

Tanya Daye is a freelance virtual assistant. Her parents are from Jamaica and she’s the first generation of her family to be born in the UK.

She says the financial reality of her life is completely different to what her parents experienced, and that generational dissonance has contributed to the serious debt she has found herself in.

‘There are pressures in this new financial world that my parents and my grandparents never had to face. Credit was never an option for them,’ Tanya tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Their idea of money is so different to mine. They had to hang on to every penny and work so hard to get their home. For me – credit often feels like a gift, like something I don’t necessarily have to give back.’

Tanya is keen to take responsibility for her debt and her problematic spending. She has spent years climbing out of debt before falling straight back into it, and she puts that down to carelessness and a lack of awareness about her personal financial situation.

But she does say that within the Caribbean community, money is not something that is widely spoken about. In fact, she says it often feels like a ‘secret’ within families, and she thinks she could have done with more specific parental guidance.

‘My dad always told me to save,’ she explains, ‘but nothing more than that. It almost felt like a taboo topic – we weren’t sitting around the dinner table talking about money or anything to do with wealth. I do think cultural influences play a part in that.’

Tanya is now taking positive steps to get herself out of debt for good. She attends Debtors Anonymous – a support group for people with cyclical problems with debt and overspending, and she realises that taking responsibility and changing her behaviour is key.

‘I always thought budgets were evil and horrible,’ says Tanya, ‘but now I realise that they are just a way of telling your money where it’s going in advance of getting it.’

But Tanya says another reason she found herself in debt is because she simply doesn’t earn enough money.

She isn’t addicted to shopping or fancy nights out, it’s simple, small overspending and unexpected expenses that triggered Tanya’s debt spiral – and that stems from earning a salary that doesn’t adequately cover her cost of living.

This isn’t surprising given the ethnicity pay gap that exists in the UK today.

Almost all black and ethnic minority groups of workers are paid less than their white British counterparts.

White British workers earn an average of 3.8% more, and the gap rises to 20% for some ethnic groups. This means that ethnic minority groups affected by this pay gap face a higher risk of getting into debt.

‘It’s clear that the existence of a racial debt gap in itself feeds a much bigger wealth gap between black and white households in the UK,’ explains Ken Okoroafor, personal finance expert and founder of The Humble Penny.

Ken says that in his experience of helping a diverse clientele with their personal finances, there are stacks of ‘unwritten structural inequalities’ that are fuelling this resulting debt gap.

‘Everything from unequal pay to unequal opportunities, driven by a difference in skin colour,’ says Ken.

‘It’s not that black households are not hardworking enough to make more money, or are not smart enough to stay out of “bad” debt and use “good” debt to create wealth instead.

‘It is that, for most of these households, the game is being played from a place of disadvantage. More times than not, there are no other choices available.

‘Understanding the cause and effects of the structural inequalities that feed the debt and wealth gap is a crucial step forward in helping to tackle them.’

Ken says there are two key inequalities at the heart of the debt gap. The first is home ownership.

The home ownership rates for black families is 24% – which is less than half the UK average of 53%.

‘More black families are renting properties, with relative housing costs much higher for renters than homeowners,’ Ken explains.

‘This means that more black families are spending a higher proportion of their incomes on rent.

‘This places black families at a much higher risk of poverty, with many resorting to short term borrowing to support their livelihoods on an ongoing basis.’

The second key inequality that Ken identifies is income and persistent poverty.

Between 2015-2018, black households were most likely out of all ethnic groups to have a weekly income of less than £400.

‘With low income comes the need to seek out credit as a means to get by daily,’ says Ken. ‘This gradually builds up and becomes the norm for a lot of black families.’

Ken believes that the only way to redress this debt gap is to take on the underlying problems that are causing the persistent disparity in wealth between white households and minority households in the UK.

He thinks the best place to start is open, honest conversation that will chip away at the stigma of being in debt.

‘Talking about it openly is a good thing for everyone, rather than having it sidelined,’ he says.

‘It’s my hope that this leads to a gradual change in attitudes and culture, with more resources being dedicated to researching these issues and making them mainstream enough for policy makers to take action.’

Bola Sol is a personal finance guru, and she says there’s another reason why minority communities are finding themselves disproportionately affected by debt.

‘Many of us are first generation in this country, and so we still need to ensure that our parents are OK financially,’ says Bola.

She adds that many children of immigrants feel pressure to achieve academically, but aren’t always equipped to deal with the structural disadvantages that will put them on the back-foot financially.

‘My advice would be to always read beyond what our parents told us to do,’ Bola tells Metro.co.uk.

‘A lot of our parents came here and told us to focus on just getting a good education, getting a good job and you’ll be fine. Now, in terms of the economy, we can see that that is not always the case. Often we’re still struggling to get jobs.

‘It’s important to know that education doesn’t finish with university, which is probably the hardest thing that many of us have to understand. You have to keep reading up on finance throughout your life.

‘What’s the latest with the Help to Buy ISA? What’s the latest with a lifetime ISA? How much is Stamp Duty now? Researching house prices in different areas. There has to be a continuous search for knowledge and a rejection of ignorance.’

She says the pressures that ethnic minorities and immigrant families in this country face should never be underestimated, and that ultimately the debt gap stems from not having the same advantages and opportunities as everyone else.

‘You come to this country, or you’re born here. Maybe you’re born into a less affluent family, and you’re given all these responsibilities,’ she explains.

‘You’re basically told from day one of your life; look, you have to behave properly. You have to set goals for yourself. You have to achieve certain things. And then you have to see your white counterparts in Britain, running around, doing as they wish, knowing they have a financial cushion that we don’t have.’

As we’ve written about this month, there are many different kinds of debt, there’s ‘good debt’ and ‘bad debt’, and we often place an unnecessary amount of social stigma on being in debt.

But the consequences of being in debt can mean your opportunities – personally and professionally – are limited. So, the fact that minority groups are disproportionately affected by debt is a serious concern.

What’s clear is that the debt gap is being perpetuated by the significant racial disparity in wealth in this country, and we will never close one gap without closing the other.

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Ekhlas, 14, and Iman, 15, are best friends and football teammates who have been living in a refugee camp since their families fled the conflict in Syria.

They knew each other from their time in Za’atari camp, another refugee camp in Jordan, but became close after they joined the camp’s football training sessions.

Now, the girls are facing separation as Iman’s family have decided to go back to Syria next month, so both will have to look for new teammates and friends.

‘I wish to live a normal life in a house in a city, or village, because living in a shelter with my family does not feel nice,’ says Ekhlas.

‘I would want to feel safe to move around and go where I please without fear. I definitely would be much happier if I could overcome these challenges.

Since the conflict in Syria began in 2011, more than 5.6 million people have fled their homes, leaving behind their lives for the unknown, in the hope of finding safety and security for themselves and their families.

Almost 40,000 Syrian refugees fled to the Azraq Refugee Camp in Jordon, which is nestled on the boarder of Syria.

The camp is split into ‘villages’. The village-based approach aims to foster a greater sense of ownership and community among residents. But living conditions are tough – temperatures soar to over 40 degrees in the summer and plummet at night. There are no trees, flowers or birds, but rows of temporary metal shelters with only the most basic of facilities.

What is meant to be a temporary shelter is becoming the only home ever known for many children living in Village 5.

‘I always fear the future, and I always wonder, if we go back to Syria, will I be able to continue my education and will I be able to practice the things I love?’ adds Iman.

‘Ekhlas is sad because I am leaving, but we will be going to my grandparents’. We have an agricultural land in Syria full of olive trees – my father is very frustrated here because he can’t work.’

The challenges the two girls face can seem insurmountable, but they both say that discovering football has made life bearable.

‘At first I did not know how to play so I started playing alone, or with my brothers. Then I joined a center in Za’atari camp where the coach taught us the rules and the basics of the game,’ explains Ekhlas.

‘I was taught sportsmanship and how to play according to rules. I believe I can become a professional player – I have so much passion for the game, I love walking onto the pitch more than walking into my house after a long day.

‘Football is crucial for both mental and physical health. It helps me with deal with stress and life’s daily hardships.’

Iman says learning to play football taught her discipline and how to cope with losing. She also loves the way it has helped her build meaningful relationships.

‘I love the challenge and learning new moves and tricks – also meeting new friends and becoming friends with girls that I did not know before,’ she says.

‘Staying active also helps me with my social life as most sports require other players and that is good because it keeps me close to my friends.

‘When I play, I feel nothing but joy and I can laugh no matter how I am feeling.’

Ekhlas has now spent more of her life in refugee camps than she ever did in her family home.

After eight years at the Za’atari camp, her family were moved to Village 5 in Azraq camp and they have been there for a year and half.

‘We had a stable and relatively good life in Za’atari camp and leaving there was hard,’ she explains. ‘We left at 7 am and we reached the reception area in Azraq camp where we spent the whole day. It was a large warehouse and dozens of families were staying with us.

‘We were separated by curtains – I was scared that we would be stuck there, but the next day we arrived at an area called Village 5.

‘I felt that I missed home, relatives, and stability, but after a while we managed to start our new life here, and you can say that it’s going well.

‘My friend Iman will be going back to Syria next month and I don’t know why her family have made this decision!

‘I do not consider going back to Syria – the years that I have lived in Jordan are more than the years I lived in Syria, and I am afraid that my brothers will be enrolled in the army if we go back.’

These are monumental worries for teenagers to have to shoulder, but football allows the pair of them breathing space from their fears. It gives them back a slice of their childhood – even if it is only fleeting.

‘Football is the only sport that I play, and I consider myself to be a good player,’ says Ekhlas. ‘I do not even care if it’s raining, playing under the rain is amazing – it’s more challenging and exciting, I love how it feels.’

International children’s charity Plan International has been working in Village 5 since 2016 to address the biggest inequalities and violations of children’s rights.

Village 5 is a closed camp, where movement of the people and their families is restricted. The charity is focusing on providing a safe place for children to play and learn in the camp, and football is a firm favorite.

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Growing up in a fairly conservative Pakistani household in London in the late 80s, I didn’t have much of a clue about gay people.

I knew that white gay men existed – this was the hey day of 80s pop music after all – but as a young person, assigned female at birth, from a sheltered, culturally conservative upbringing, I didn’t make the connection between them and me at all. And yet from a young age, I was really curious for reasons that became apparent later on.

When I was 17, I fell in love with a classmate – an Asian girl at sixth form college. To say I was conflicted would be a huge understatement.

My life had been planned out for me already: I would go to university, become a doctor or a lawyer and I would have an arranged marriage to a man of my parents’ choosing. They would drop this grand plan into conversation over the Cornflakes but internally, my world grew dark.

My mental health suffered terribly as I came to understand that how I felt and what I wanted for my life were not just inconvenient, but utterly irrelevant to the beast that was cultural and religious dogma. There were no queer Asians after all, and Islam forbade homosexuality, I was taught  – along with a long list of other things I was later able to challenge with my own study of Islam.

Of course I didn’t tell my parents how I felt, and I kept my queerness a secret from them and our wider Asian community somehow despite the strange looks at my ever shortening hair and reluctance to wear glittery shalwar kameez.

When I think about the difference that Sex and Relationship Education would have had on my young life, I can barely fathom it. Sure, it would have been opposed by my family and community but there would have been a ray of light that told me I was normal, that diversity is natural in the world and that if it did turn out that I was LGBTQI myself, that would be in some ways at least, OK.

As it stands, even today there are few spaces where people like me are supported, accepted and understood, and that was one of the reasons that 20 years ago this week, a group of us founded Imaan.

As a Trustee and Co-founder of Imaan – the UK’s LGBTQI Muslim charity – we received the news that a Birmingham High Court judge has permanently banned anti-LGBTQI equality teaching protests with mixed feelings.

We are, of course, relieved that young school children will no longer be subjected to vitriolic protests of the kind we have seen in Birmingham and elsewhere in the UK, and that the law has seen through the distortion and lies that the anti-LGBTQI protestors have been pedalling for months.

We are also relieved that the pernicious tactics of the protestors – many of whom, it’s been reported, have been bussed in from out of town to take part and others who were not even parents – have been exposed.

But we are left hurt and saddened that these protests ever took place to begin with and that few from our wider Muslim community have called them out or stood up to the incessant vilification of LGBTQI identities.

Being LGBTQI and Muslim is no easy ride. 

At our monthly meetings in Birmingham and London, we see many of our members traumatised from being shunned by their families and close-knit communities, or from being pressured to conform to unattainable and unrealistic cultural standards or abused verbally, mentally and physically simply for existing. We also need our own spaces because the wider gay community can be very unwelcoming to Muslims and people of colour.

At Imaan, we don’t insist that everyone accepts what we accept – that Allah loves equality, that He loves diversity, and that He loves us and our LGBTQI identities because He created us.

But what we do insist on is the right to live in peace, and to be afforded basic decency, courtesy, respect and consideration which has been all too lacking from our communities – both Muslim and LGBTQI.

None of us grew up seeing ourselves reflected – and the negative psychological impact has repercussions over a lifetime.

Children are naturally loving and so we must never infect them with the diseases of hatred and prejudice as these anti-LGBTQI protesters have attempted to. 

As Imaan well knows, some Muslims are LGBTQI – what will happen when a child of one of these protestors turns out to be LGBTQI?

Faizan is the co-founder, trustee and communications head of Imaan and you can find them on Twitter. Imaan is launching Imaan Fest – the first Muslim Pride event – next year.

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Being a young, single-parent widower is a tough and lonely world to live in.

My wife Katherine died in 2017 right in front of me and our eight-month-old baby. She was struck down instantly from a cardiac arrest, with no obvious cause.

I was so isolated in the months following her death. It was simply impossible for friends and family to understand the depth of my loss.

Katherine and I loved each other deeply and we shared a magical friendship. I thought of us as two young trees that grew up intertwined, only for one tree to die and be suddenly stripped away, leaving the other appearing deformed.

Yet at 37, I had a long future ahead of me, not only as a father but as a man who potentially wanted to love again.

I didn’t want to just shut down, wear black and become a miserable and bitter dad to my daughter. I grieved, but in my own way, in my own time.

I started to discover stories from people who had lost partners and found love again – people like Rio Ferdinand, Simon Thomas and comedian Patten Oswalt, each of whom were open about how they were healing and embracing their new lives.

Initially the idea of another relationship was alien, abhorrent. Mentally and emotionally, I was still married. I assumed it was highly unlikely that I would ever want to meet anyone – and even if I did, the relationship would never be as good as what Katherine and I had shared.

Besides, my single-parent widowed status was surely a deal-breaker for any woman.

I felt like ‘damaged goods’ – like I had a screw loose or a blown fuse in my head that prevented me from fully feeling and enjoying the company of another or being loved.

Yet like so many assumptions I made, I was mistaken.

It had only been about seven months since my wife passed when I sat next to her memorial tree and asked, ‘Please tell me it’s OK to find someone.’

I couldn’t stop thinking about how much life I still had left to live. I knew then that I wanted to eventually meet someone, but I wasn’t quite sure where to start.

Even the thought of dating again filled me with anxiety. To think, I would have to tell a complete stranger about the worst thing that’s ever happened to me within a few hours of meeting them.

The love I feel for each comes from different energies that are simply connected to the same thread in my life.

Even if I had managed to tell them before our first date, there were still questions. Is she supposed to ask about my late wife? Am I supposed to avoid my loss entirely? How soon is too soon to mention Katherine’s name?

I set up a dating profile, but within days I decided to take it down. ‘It just makes me feel so bad,’ I told friends.

I cried as I deleted my account, though I didn’t know it was from relief or something else.

In the weeks that followed I eventually agreed to go on a date with a friend of a work colleague. They knew about my past, which relieved some of the worry I felt. While it didn’t end up going anywhere, I did learn a lot about myself – mainly that I was under no pressure to find love again.

I gave up on the whole dating game and instead became a master juggler of nursery drop-offs, pickups, running a clean home, making meals and holding down a full-time job.

Yet, somewhere amid all the chaos, a little ‘me time’ was often found.

My best friend would sporadically hold pizza parties. No matter how I was feeling, these evenings were magnificent.

It was here that I met my future wife, Nicola. We were the only two single people at the party, sat opposite each other on a large table. We didn’t talk until all the pizza had been eaten – but once we started, we didn’t stop.

She was 34 and had just returned back to the UK from working in Australia for the past nine years. The fact we had mutual friends meant she knew everything about me and my past, without ever meeting Katherine.

She was funny, clever, interesting and different from any other woman I’d met. Different from Katherine, which I preferred. A replacement for Katherine was never something I sought.

Katherine and I fell in love as soon as we met – it was so natural and pure – and Nicola and I experienced the exact same situation. It reminded me that we don’t always get to choose when something happens.

But I haven’t ‘moved on’ with my life – that term doesn’t reflect the fact I still love Katherine, as well as Nicola. I’ve simply moved forward.

The love I feel for each comes from different energies that are simply connected to the same thread in my life. My feelings for Nicola are an addition built on what was already there. My heart has become greater.

I regularly remind myself that Katherine would not have wanted me to suffer – all she ever wanted was my happiness and if our situations had been reversed, I would have wanted that for her.

Unfortunately, many of Katherine’s friends did not share the same view. Before I met Nicola I had a good relationship with most of them, but within a few months of moving forward, I faced a barrage of anger, rejection and spitefulness. It was difficult to bring an end to friendships that were so meaningful to Katherine, but I refused to let my healing be dictated by anyone other than myself.

By moving forward I can honour Katherine’s legacies of love and service by modelling the best example that I can for my daughter, by wanting to build a family unit and living life with a new partner.

Connecting emotionally with Nicola has also really helped me understand the enormity of what I lost when Katherine died. Her love, life and death are the elements that have made me the person Nicola wants to marry and spend the rest of her life with.

It is important to remember that a grieving person is going to laugh and smile again, and I feel very humble, and very lucky, to have found love again.

My life is a journey in which I have to keep moving while holding onto every life lesson Katherine has given me. There is no turning back and definitely no moving on.

Mark is a member of the charity WAY Widowed and Young. You can read more of his story on his blog No Rain No Rainbows 

Last week in Love, Or Something Thing Like It: My boyfriend’s gambling addiction put us £2k in debt but it’s shown me what true love is

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In our weekly series What I Own, we’re nosing around the properties people have been able to buy, rather than renting.

Why?

Yes, it’s partly to satisfy our own curiosity about how other people live, but this series is also about exploring the reality of homeownership – which is still held up as the ideal for all us renters for whom saving for a deposit feels impossible.

This week we’re in Bedfordshire with Jo, a 35-year-old communications specialist working for a mental health charity.

Jo owns a three-bedroom house with her partner, Paul, having previously owned a one-bedroom flat.

She used to work as a journalist based all over the world, and says that living in Moscow, the Middle East, Malaysia, Malawi, and Hong Kong helped her to afford getting on the property ladder when she returned to the UK and met her other half.

Let’s talk about the deposit. How much was it and how did you save it up?

The deposit for this house was almost £36,000 (10%) and then we had fees on top of that at around £10,000. We bought the house back in June after selling my one-bedroom flat, which I purchased a few years ago.

In terms of saving for the deposit it was really my expat life that allowed me to get on the property ladder for my first home. The cost of living in some of the countries I lived was so much lower than in the UK. If I hadn’t have had that opportunity at a young age I expect we could still be waiting to get on the property ladder.

How much do you now need to pay per month for your mortgage?

Our mortgage total is about £315,000, so we pay around £1,800 per month including bills.

What was the process of getting a mortgage like?

As I’d already gone through the process of getting a mortgage before, it didn’t seem so bad the second time around. I also had someone else to share the experience with this time, which always makes things easier.

We were recommended a really good mortgage adviser, who found us a very low-interest rate and essentially did all the hard work for us. He also didn’t charge us, as he made his money from the bank. I recommend shopping around for mortgage advisers, as getting a low-interest rate will save you thousands in the long-term.

What made you choose this house?

We’d been looking for a good few months before we found this home. I’d say we viewed at least 10 properties.

We’d actually made an offer on another property, which fell through and was all very stressful, but I’m a great believer in fate and I think that property fell through as we were destined to find this one (all a bit hippy-sounding, I know).

We wanted a house with a bit of character and that’s something this house had in abundance. Even though it’s not a cottage it definitely has a cottage feel to it, with a gorgeous wood-burning stove in the lounge, a country-style kitchen and a roll-top bath in our upstairs bathroom.

One of the main selling points for us was also the immaculately-kept and well-established garden. When we went to view the property it was on a glorious sunny day and I just had visions of us sitting on our rattan furniture sipping sangria!

How have you made the house feel like home?

We’ve redecorated a few of the rooms, mainly the lounge and the two main bedrooms, but the main thing which makes it feel like home is our furniture, the things I’ve collected from my travels, as well as Paul’s Leicester Memorabilia.

As we moved from a one-bedroom house we needed to buy new furniture for almost every room. This essentially meant we could start from scratch in terms of the look we wanted to go for. I wanted to try to keep that cottage feel, but with a modern twist.

To keep the cost down we tried to source our furniture from as many different places as possible, for example Facebook Market Place, Ebay and then a few of the usual department stores.

I found the chests of drawers in my bedroom on Facebook and then up-cycled them. I sanded them down and painted them a dark blue colour to match the wall and then spray-painted the handles.

We also bought some plush cream rugs and throws, which make the house feel cozy in the winter, as well as plenty of candles. As you may notice from the photos I also love plants. We have a plant in almost every room, as they can really brighten a room up.

Did you have to spend a lot on redecorating?

As we moved from a one-bedroom flat we had a lot of furniture to buy so I would say we’ve spent a few thousand pounds on that.

We also converted a disused space attached to the house into a laundry room, which is very handy, as it means no noisy washing machine and tumble dryer in the kitchen.

Do you feel like you have enough space?

There’s only two of us at the moment so we definitely have enough space. But I think in the future we would look to convert the loft into a fourth bedroom with an en-suite.

Does owning pose any problems you didn’t have when you were renting?

When I used to rent I always had the luxury of freedom, because I’m such a wanderlust I could just pack up my things and be off exploring the world at the drop of a hat. With a mortgage you can’t do that.

As I’m getting older, and more importantly (ahem) as I’ve met my other half, that’s less of an issue and I do love our little house, but sometimes on dark dreary mornings I wonder what it would be like waking up on a beach again – never say never!

What are your plans for the future, housing-wise?

We’re very happy where we are at the moment and still have a few more things to do on the house. We like our kitchen but would like to adapt it slightly so it’s a bit more sociable, so we’re looking at putting in a breakfast bar.

Who knows what the future holds… I think further down the line we’d like to either buy a second property as an investment, or a holiday home in some far-flung destination, although I think Paul needs some convincing on the latter idea.

Let’s have a look around. 

MORE: What I Own: Deena and Josh, who put down a £40,000 deposit on a house in Chatham, Kent

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Jenna Farmer almost gave up hoping that she would have a baby. Then she fell pregnant.

34-year-old Jenna has Crohn’s disease, and due to this her GP referred her for early fertility tests. It turned out she had a low egg reserve.

She’d been trying to get pregnant for a year, and thanks to there being no IVF waitlist in her area she was seen quickly.

Unfortunately, her IVF cycle failed.

She told Metro.co.uk: ‘I had one cycle which failed. It just didn’t work at all. But I was weirdly optimistic, just because we hadn’t been trying that long and my only issue was the AMH – everything else and husband was fine.

‘I just thought it would be fine. Obviously it doesn’t work like that as it’s just a numbers game.’

Jenna and her husband had one frozen embryo left and she saw this as her last chance to get pregnant.

‘I remember thinking if a team of doctors couldn’t make me pregnant it wasn’t even worth trying naturally as there’s no way it could happen,’ she explained.

‘I definitely felt like it wouldn’t happen, my partner was calmer and felt what would be would be.’

But just before her second cycle of IVF, something incredible happened: Jenna fell pregnant naturally.

She had been starting to see an acupuncturist in preparation to try IVF with the frozen embryo that September. She and her husband had not been trying for a child as they were waiting for that procedure.

It was such a busy month that Jenna and her husband only had sex once that month – but it just so happened that was when she became pregnant.

Jenna was over the moon when she found out.

She said: ‘I was just in shock and it took a long time to believe, my husband was a lot calmer and happier.’

Despite living with a chronic illness, Jenna says her pregnancy was great.

Due to her Crohn’s disease, Jenna had lots of support and was under a consultant. She was also given lots of scans – which she says she loved.

She added that she had an easy pregnancy, explaining: ‘He was a textbook pregnancy with no problems. I was anxious in the first trimester but he was such a mover and kicker that he literally never stopped once I could start feeling him so I never felt anxious then.’

Jenna describes the whole pregnancy as being ‘surreal’. She was given a planned C-Section, which she says didn’t give her that ‘instant emotional moment’ as her brain was just trying to catch up with the fact a baby had just come out of her body.

‘It took me a few minutes to get my head around it,’ she said.

‘He is almost seven months now and is a very happy baby.’

When asked if she had any words of advice for other women who are trying and struggling to get pregnant, Jenna says: ‘I won’t say that it will happen when you least expect it, as that drove me crazy.

‘I will say everyone has a story. At my antenatal class almost everyone had struggles to conceive and about half had their baby via IVF.

‘You feel like you’re so different from other couples who you imagine conceived instantly but everyone has a story, they just don’t talk about it.’

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There are myriad horrors that can plague you at a Christmas party.

Getting off with someone you shouldn’t is probably the most commonly spoken about, as well as photocopying bums and throwing up in the vicinity of the boss.

Even if you’re on your best behaviour, though, there’s one social faux pas that you might fall victim to – forgetting people’s names.

Because Christmas is full of friends-of-friends, meeting people’s partners, and having to hang around with work colleagues you don’t really know, it’s a minefield.

Chester Santos is a world leading memory skills expert, speaker and author, and US memory champion.

Some of his feats include being able to recall a random 100-plus digit sequence in five minutes, and naming every U.S. congressperson’s state and district number off the top of his head.

Often called the ‘International Man of Memory’, Chester has some tips for the rest of us on how to improve our memories in the most social time of the year, and not end up having to utter the phrase ‘hello… you?’

1. Use your imagination

According to Chester, the first thing you should do when you learn someone’s name is associate it with an image. And, he says, the wackier the better.

He tells Metro.co.uk: ‘For example, if you meet someone named Alice and you notice she has beautiful hair, you might imagine a white rabbit (from Alice in Wonderland) tangled in her hair. Or Jane might become a chain because it rhymes. Paul might become St Paul’s Cathedral.’

2. Build a story

From here, you take the original image, and connect it with other things that you learned about this person through your conversation.

‘So, you meet Alice with beautiful blonde hair and learn that she lives in London, works in advertising, and has a dog called Rolo,’ says Chester.

‘Imagine a white rabbit tangled in Alice’s blonde hair, then picture her reading a billboard advert for The Tower of London, next to the billboard is a dog eating a chocolate Rolo off the pavement.

‘Run through this story one more time and see it like a cartoon playing out in your head. Now try and recite all the info about Alice that you want to remember by going through the story in your mind.’

3. Involve additional senses

This one may seem a little tricky, given you’ve already got the cogs of your mind creating a story about the person.

It works on the premise, though, that you’ll remember more about somebody if you can use more senses to associate them with something. Just think about how you still remember your teenage boyfriend as soon as you smell Lynx Africa. It works.

Chester says: ‘The more senses that you involve, the more of your brain you’ll be using and that means you’re creating more connections in your mind.

‘Try bringing the cartoon you’ve created in your mind to life with sounds or even smells, and it will all be much easier to remember.’

4. Focus

‘It may seem obvious,’ says Chester.

‘But you do need to pay attention to people. Focus on one thing at a time and try to shut off from distraction to remember the most information effectively.’

That means no scoping out the canapes or looking for your office crush. Talk to one person at a time (or a small group) and really listen. After that, you shouldn’t forget them as easily.

5. Take them to bed

‘Not literally, of course,’ assures Chester.

Instead, this tip is about using sleep to process the memories you’ve just made, so that you don’t end up losing all your hard work.

He advises to ‘take a moment to run through all the important information in your mind just before you go to sleep.

‘Sleep is an opportunity for your brain to organise and ‘file away’ your thoughts, and you’ll wake up the next morning being able to access the information you need much better than you did the day before.’

6. Use it or lose it

‘Your brain is like a muscle that gets stronger with practice. You’re not going to turn into a memory champion overnight, but the more you try and remember names, facts and details about people in different contexts, the easier it will become,’ says Chester.

This also means you probably shouldn’t drink a full bottle of Advocaat on an empty stomach before meeting your grandma’s new boyfriend or a brand new intern who’s daddy is high up in your company.

Keep your wits about you, and do your bit to remember people’s names in the moment. You’re more than welcome to let loose after you’ve done that.

MORE: Chronically ill woman has her miracle baby after failed rounds of IVF

MORE: What I Own: Jo and Paul, who paid a £36,000 deposit on a three-bedroom house in Bedfordshire

Black Friday has been and gone, with many people all over the world taking advantage of big savings offered by major brands as the Christmas shopping season begins.

Brands from Currys PC World to Tesco to Amazon all got in on the spirit of the day and offered customers a range of savings.

But with Black Friday having been yesterday, are there still deals on offer out there?

Are Black Friday deals still on?

Technically, even though Black Friday itself is just one day long, Black Friday discounts have also been on offer in the run-up to the notorious day of deals.

There are also many Black Friday savings still on offer at various retailers, with many major brands known to extend their Black Friday sales for days.

In addition to Black Friday, another upcoming retail tradition is Cyber Monday, which sees a fresh swathe of discounts which are only available online.

It’s not uncommon to see deals last the weekend, and culminate with a final selection of discounts on Cyber Monday.

When is Cyber Monday in the UK?

Cyber Monday is the Monday after Black Friday, which always falls on the Friday after American Thanksgiving, which in turn falls on the fourth Thursday of November each year.

That means that Cyber Monday will be on December 2 this year.

The term Cyber Monday first cropped up in 2005, and over a decade later in 2016, Cyber Monday sales grew to a record $3.45 billion (£2.67 billion).

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Dressing up shouldn’t just be for Halloween.

Every child deserves the chance to throw on a princess dress or play as cowboy. They get to have fun and feel like their favourite fictional character for a bit, and as a bonus, their joy is pretty infectious.

Photographer Nicole Perkins, from Birmingham, wants to celebrate the fun of dressing up, while also raising awareness of Down’s syndrome.

Alongside doing photography, Nicole, 24, works in a special needs school, so has experience chatting with young people.

She took to social media to ask for models for a new photo series, and the end result was Down Right Beautiful, a collection of adorable photographs of children with Down’s syndrome dressed as their favourite Disney characters.

That thing we said about joy being infectious? These photos are proof. Just look at those beaming faces.

Nicole tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I absolutely love Disney and as it is so magical I thought it would be perfect to celebrate the beauty of Down syndrome.

‘I do a lot of photography work with children who are and are not special needs. Photographing the children who took part in Down Right Beautiful was so much fun!

‘The ones old enough to understand loved their costumes and the younger ones just looked adorable. All of them photographed like pros with help from their families trying to make them laugh behind me. Mr Tumble came in useful quite a bit.

‘Some of the children I have done shoots with before too so we already had good bonds and all of the families that came for shoots were so friendly.

‘I have met the most amazing group of people during this campaign and also other campaigns I have done.’

Since posting a selection of photos on Facebook, Nicole’s work has been shared more than 39,000 times and has attracted comments from people all over the world.

She hopes the series will serve as a celebration of Down’s syndrome and the children born with the condition.

‘I hope the images will send messages out to new parents who have just been given a diagnosis that Down syndrome is truly special and what doctors tell you about it isn’t always right,’ says Nicole.

‘Children with Down syndrome are such a joy to be around and not to mention absolutely beautiful. They bring you a different kind of happiness. A true blessing.’

MORE: Six tips from a memory champion to remember names at your Christmas party

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What did you want to be when you were little? Bob the Builder? A mermaid? A superhero?

For Valerie Diaz, she saw the glitz and glamour of drag queens and decided that that’s what she wants to be – and her mum, Riot, is helping her achieve her goals.

Despite being just nine years old, Valerie – whose drag name is Candy – performs live, and is able to do her own makeup for her shows.

It’s incredibly admirable, but her rise to stardom has meant sacrifices for 22-year-old Riot, who has missed rent in the past to afford Valerie’s drag gear.

Riot is on the US minimum wage of just $12 per hour (£9 per hour) as a freelance social media and stage manager and, although she’s sometimes short on rent, insists that she always makes sure Valerie has everything she needs and wants and spends at least £77.30 ($100) a month on her drag career.

The Massachusetts mum said: ‘Candy began her journey as a drag kid when she was seven years old when she and I were watching a drag artist competition show.

‘Candy was amazed by the artists; the makeup, the outfits, and their talent. She let me know she wanted to be a drag queen and started designing her drag ensembles and looks that night.

‘Her first performance was several months later, at an LGBTQ+ youth programme drag pageant. She was younger than the minimum age of an attendee, but they gave her a chance to perform and she won.

‘Since then, I help her manage her own Instagram page and she performs occasionally, she loves portraying different characters in her performances and recently she’s got into musicals. She lip-syncs, dances and loves making the crowd laugh.’

Although it might seem like a lot of money to spend on a child’s pastime, it isn’t a cheap hobby to have, and Riot does her best to keep costs down.

She regularly visits thrift shops for outfits, and searches online clearance sales for the best prices. She also reuses and upcycles items from family and friends where possible.

‘Drag can be incredibly expensive,’ says Riot.

‘It’s a huge investment, but she loves doing it and I’ll do absolutely anything to make her dreams come true.

‘I manage her social media myself, purchase her makeup, outfits and props. I try to network and find places she can perform because she’s so young, there aren’t many venues looking to hire her.’

Riot continues: ‘We are poor, but we do our best to get what Candy imagines and envisions for her routines and looks. The thrift shop has become a treasure trove. She also plans on learning to sew, so she can create her own looks one day.

‘I make minimum wage (12/hr) and depend on freelancing and stipends and take jobs wherever I can. Sometimes I’m short on rent but I always make sure she has everything she could need and want.’

Riot believes Candy should be paid for her appearances, and ensures to look for gigs that pay between £39 to £77.30 ($50 to $100).

These typically take around an hour to prepare for, with Valerie applying her own makeup, preparing her props, and brushing her candy-coloured wigs. Riot will then give her a hand with extras that need done, such as braiding her hair and dressing her.

Sometimes these paid gigs can be hard to come by, which Riot believes is due to Valerie’s age.

She says: ‘People don’t believe in her ability to perform because of her age or the venue selected is 18+ or 21+. There aren’t many youth spaces/events where she can perform or can be booked to perform.

‘Thankfully she has a large drag kid community on Instagram, they all connect and show each other love on that platform.’

Until the paid appearances are more forthcoming, Riot is happy to foot the bill if it means Valerie can express herself.

‘I’ve seen other young drag artists be under attack for doing what they love and it’s disgusting how they’re treated,’ Riot says.

‘I’m not shocked because homophobia, and transphobia are alive and well but I’m disappointed and sad for these youths who just want to express themselves.

‘Drag kids are valid drag artists and deserve respect and to have limitless opportunities to do what they do. These kids should be loved and respected and if nowhere else, they have a home with us.’

MORE: Children with Down’s syndrome dress up as Disney characters in adorable photo series

MORE: Six tips from a memory champion to remember names at your Christmas party

As Christmas approaches and quality time with family members looms, you must prepare yourself for the inevitable game of Monopoly.

Will you actually play to completion? It’s unlikely, especially after a full Christmas dinner makes you desperately crave a nap.

Actually finishing the game takes ages, so it makes sense that you’d sack it off once your nan is clearly on a winning streak.

But rejoice, those who want the satisfaction of actually winning an entire board game (or are keen to check they’d actually lose), for the people behind Monopoly have heard our complaints and issued a new version of the game, which they describe as one ‘you’ll actually finish’.

Monopoly Speed is, as the name suggests, a sped-up version of Monopoly.

It’s so speedy, in fact, that gameplay must be completed in ten minutes. There’s even a timer to make sure no one lags behind.

It’s not pushed to move quickly by just demanding you shout at your siblings to hurry up. Instead, it works by allowing everyone to play at the same time (there are only four tokens, so you’ll want to keep this to a small group), rolling and buying without having to wait for their turn.

During four rounds, players have to race to buy, trade, and sell properties, with no break between each stage, and there are two Go! spaces to chivvy things along.

Sounds stressful to us, but whatever floats your festive board game boat.

If you want the exact opposite experience, Hasbro has also unveiled, well, the exact opposite of Monopoly Speed.

Also available on Amazon, there’s now a board game called Monopoly: Longest Game Ever.

We imagine this is for people who really want to prove their stamina.

In this version of the game there are 66 properties available to buy, 40 spaces for players to navigate, and one singular die. There are new rules to make it harder to finally end, such as bankruptcy no longer meaning a player is automatically kicked out of the game.

The game doesn’t end until someone owns every single property. So yes, you can expect hours and hours of playing before you’re finally free to eat your mince pies in peace.

Is this a game anyone wants? We can’t imagine so.

Will it destroy family bonds? Absolutely.

If you’d like to get your paws on Monopoly Speed or Monopoly: Longest Game Ever, both are available through Amazon. Best of luck.

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The London Underground is such an iconic part of the city that it’s hard to imagine London without it.

Since its inception in 1863, it’s been helping workers along their commute, taking tourists to see the sights, and bringing citydwellers home for tea, all with its classic seat fabrics and calls to mind the gap.

But the Tube has been through some changes over the years.

Back in the 1970s, for example, yes, you’d still get the drunken dancing on the Northern Line, but you’d also spy the driver smoking a pipe. There weren’t contactless card payments back then – you’d need to fish around in your pockets for a 20p coin.

To transport us back to that time, photographer Mike Goldwater has published London Underground 1970-1980, a book that – as the name suggests – is filled with pictures of our underground railroad system back in the day.

You can take a look at some of our favourite shots below and buy the book to pore over more.

London Underground 1970-1980 by Mike Goldwater is published by Hoxton Mini Press.

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In Islam, a woman’s money belongs only to her while a man is obligated to spend on his wife and children.

In fact, a Muslim man isn’t allowed to ask a woman for money – but she may offer to share her wealth. This is considered fair as men are entitled to a higher inheritance and may be the breadwinner in their families.

However, in 21st-century society, it’s seldom possible to survive on one income. So many households run on the financial offerings of both partners.

For the most part though, men are expected to cover expenses.

For some, that comes with difficulties, such as taking out loans, borrowing from their families and asking their partner for help, which some find ’embarrassing’.

As we’re covering all things money and debt this month on Metro.co.uk, we asked men from the Muslim community about what it’s like to shoulder the majority of financial responsibilities.

We want to demystify the taboo nature of earning and spending while showing that though money problems can be alienating, you are not alone in your struggles.

And while Muslim men may find it difficult to fulfill their Islamic obligation, which includes paying a mahr (a gift from the groom to the bride), many others are in a similar situation.

After speaking to some Muslim men, there is one common factor being blamed for accruing debt: large weddings.

Though most agree that extravagant weddings have become a cultural norm, not a religious one, they often find themselves succumbing to the pressure, resulting in precarious financial situations.

Here is what five men said about their financial hardship…

Numan, 32

‘At my wedding, we spent about £55,000 between both parties. We both felt the financial strain and my in-laws had to borrow money from the banks.

‘A big wedding doesn’t just put financial strains during the wedding, it also affects it afterward.

‘For people with an average income, it’s a huge pressure. It depends on person to person. If you are an immigrant, then you’re worse off.

‘I have to pay off my debts, run my family here plus help my family back home and at the same time pay loads of money to the UK Border Agency for my citizenship.

‘These all add up. My main issue is with large expensive weddings. The question to ask is do we need to invite all these people, buy expensive outfits, hire flashy cars for one day?

‘Or shall we use this money for a secure future?’

Zibran, 26

‘A wedding isn’t and should never be a financial burden on the couple at all. Islam doesn’t encourage or advocate for us to go above and beyond to throw the grandest parties for a wedding celebration.

‘Sure, if you have the means, that’s a different story. But to take out loans when you succumb to parents and in-laws and elders’ “tradition, ritual and cultural values”, that is where it gets messed up

‘Like many others out there, I had the mentality that I would not fall into the trap that will cause financial damage to me. Nevertheless, I had to give in, in the end.

‘My wife and I try to stick to our Islamic values. At the same time, we also share the load of the family in a sensible manner.

‘We both know it’s pretty difficult to live on just my salary, so she is always more than happy to contribute.

‘It’s not fair on her to contribute to our family expenses “equally”. Our salaries aren’t the same, so why should we contribute the same amount? Hence we each contribute towards our combined expenses against the ratio of our earnings.

‘If I could do my wedding all over again, I would skim it down to just the bare minimum. I would have a very intimate and close ceremony that I can afford without taking any loan.

‘Wasting money on these ceremonies has done no good or bought any positive impact on our lives so far. If I didn’t spend all that extravagant money and rather put that in a down payment for a house, it would have been the much better investment.’

Riyad, 35

‘For my wedding, my mum pulled out £10,000 and my wife and I pulled out £10,000 because her family wasn’t satisfied with having a simple ceremony.

‘My wife got a loan and we now go halves on paying it whereas my mum got her loan from family and friends.

‘We get burnt out when unexpected costs pop up, for example, household maintenance or buying gifts for guests.

‘It’s unfair that we still had to cough up so much despite it being clear we didn’t want to spend so much.

‘It causes a strain on our relationship when the topic comes out. But we’ve known each other for 12 years and in that time we’ve gone through lots of different s*it.

Ahsan, 29

‘My wedding mainly affected my savings.

‘I had accumulated a sizeable amount of savings over the years, to put down for a house deposit.

‘However, in getting married, I massively underestimated some costs by around £7,000 (mahr, costs of honeymoons, having more guests than initially anticipated, cost of wedding dress!)

‘This has hindered and delayed any potential house-buying plans. Fortunately, I didn’t have to borrow, but the costs of a wedding are so ridiculous these days that this is an actual issue.

‘Recently I’ve had to help two friends with a private loan in order to help with their wedding costs – and hearing about wedding debt in our community is sadly a common issue.’

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Laura Thompson is a major cat lady – but nothing like the one you’re picturing.

The 22-year-old from Plymouth raises wild pumas in her mum and dad’s house in Devon.

Lauren started taking in orphaned wild cats when she volunteered at The Cornwall Nature Conservancy, and kept seeing kittens being rejected by their mothers.

To date, she has fostered five big cats at home, including fishing cats, servals and jaguarundi.

Her most recent addition to the squad is puma Pumpkin, who she says was just like any other pet, playing with the family’s border collie, Bowie, going for walks on a lead and stealing snacks.

Lauren adopted Pumpkin when he was just a few hours old after he was deserted by his mum.

Only child Lauren said her parents’ house guests couldn’t believe their eyes when they first met Pumpkin, while mum Lisa, 48, and dad Bruce, 49, mechanic, ‘learned to live with him’.

Last month Pumpkin became too big to be kept at home and is now enjoying life in an enclosure beside his parents at the nature reserve in Launceston, Cornwall.

So the bond between Lauren and Pumpkin was fleeting, but still pretty special.

Lauren said: ‘As he got bigger, he became quite protective over me on walks.

‘I don’t think he would ever have hurt me – but what if something scared him?

‘Pumpkin just acted like a big cat, he liked cuddly toys and was just so cute.

‘He would sit on my lap and have cuddle and start purring as soon as he saw me.

‘He would come sniffing over when I was eating and try anything.

‘He didn’t like Wotsits though – he spat them straight back out.’

Lauren has plenty of experience taking care of exotic animals due to her role as head keeper at Cornwall Nature Conservancy.

‘I knew Pumpkin wouldn’t be able to stay with me forever, he was getting bigger and turning into more of a puma, I miss him,’ she explained.

‘He was never aggressive, he was lovely but he got stronger and needed his own space.

‘Pumas can’t be truly domesticated.

‘One day they will be alright and the next they could kill you.

‘You’ve got to be able to read them and have understanding of what you’re doing.’

Pumpkin now lives at the conservancy where Lauren works, and there’s a special window in his enclosure so they can cuddle.

Lauren said: “He doesn’t know how strong he is, he could just knock me over.

‘It comes to a point that you have got to let them go and find themselves

‘When you feed them, you have to leave them alone, you have got to respect them.’

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After the consumerism of Black Friday it’s easy to feel a little downcast at fast fashion and the way we’re all constantly buying new.

Whether you saved your cash and watched on as the sale frenzy commenced, or bought more than you could feasibly afford, it’s all a bit draining.

Not to mention, many of the ‘bargains’ bought on the day either end up not being worn or making one single outing at a Christmas party before being relegated to the back of the wardrobe.

It’s not good for the planet, and it’s not good for your wallet, with the value of unused clothing in wardrobes being estimated at around £30 billion.

Instead of buying more that you don’t need (yes, even those capsule wardrobe items might not be an actual necessity) there are loads of ways to put the items you haven’t touched in ages to good use.

Particularly with high-value winter clothes – proper coats and boots never come cheap – it’s always better to mend and alter rather than buy new.

Clean stains

Stains are one of the main problems that makes you want to chuck something away. But, all is not lost.

Laundryheap’s Deyan Dimitrov tells Metro.co.uk: ‘Ever had a stain so bad you just threw the whole item away? It happens… But next time, learn how to treat even the worst of stains.

‘Take oil stains for example: they’re absolutely relentless, but not impossible to remove. Just blot any excess oil, saturate the stained area with dish soap and wash as normal. And for a gentler method on lighter stains, try sprinkling a good amount of cornstarch over the stain and leave overnight. That’s it! Simply brush away in the morning and wash as normal.’

The experts there also state that it’s not always better to wash at high temperatures. Not only is it better for the environment at 30 degrees, you avoid shrinkage, and get the same results (as long as you’ve done your pre-treatment).

Shave away any fabric bobbles

No doubt you’ll be popping on a Christmas jumper or two over the season. Woolly scarves, too.

You may notice they have what’s called ‘pilling’ on them – those little bobbles that make wool items look way past new.

It’s easy to think of these as a reason to throw out your clothes,’ says Deyan.

‘But in fact,’ he continues, ‘they’re very normal and are caused by fabric rubbing together and fibres piling up.

‘To remove, very gently ‘shave’ off using a household razer. But if you’re less patient, you can invest in an electric fabric shaver which’ll do all the hard work for you.’

Head to the cobbler

Sagar Mehra, Head of Restoration at shoe restoration store ShoeSpa, is a dab hand at taking old, lifeless winter shoes (which often cost hundreds of pounds) and bringing them back to their old selves.

While many people feel that shoes should be thrown out when they’re worn down, you might be surprised at what a good cobbler can do.

Sagar tells us: ‘When it comes to leather restoration, virtually everything is possible and our customers are often surprised when the seemingly lost-cases are brought close to brand new condition.’

Although she claims that the sole often cannot be restored, they can add a new one on and save you buying a new pair.

Prices at Shoespa start at £49 which – if you have a pair of Doc Martens or Timberlands that see you through winter – is a fraction of the price of a new pair.

I recently had a pair of Doc Martens restored there. They seemed to be the ‘lost cause’ Sagar talks of, with the leather and plastic inside the boots completely cracked. What was an unwearable pair came back to me in a week as good as new.

Cobblers like Timpson’s are also a great option to replace things like heels and eyelets.

Get rid of smells

If stuff has been sitting in storage through the year, it can start to smell musty or damp.

This doesn’t mean it’s a lost cause, though. Deyan tells Metro.co.uk: ‘If damp smells do occur, you can treat them using some common household items. Simply add one cup of distilled white vinegar to your washing machine drawer during the final rinse cycle. Vinegar is a great natural disinfectant and will neutralise any musty smells.

‘It’s also an eco-friendly alternative to polluting fabric softeners. To add some fragrance the natural way, add a few drops of essential oil.’

Get items customised

Leather painting, colour changing, and dyeing are all great ways to take items and give them their spark back.

YouTube tutorials aren’t just for makeup looks, and you can find all sorts of ways to customise clothing.

Deyan’s top tip to revamp a pair of jeans is: ‘For the worn out hems on your jeans, simply cut half an inch off the bottoms, run the scissor edge over the newly created hem and throw into the wash. They’ll come out perfectly frayed and provide a new winter wardrobe staple without spending a penny.’

Even shoes can be switched up. Shoespa’s Sagar says: ‘The simple and most popular solution is the colour change, but we offer a full custom re-design, where the shoe shape and size are the only limitations.

‘We can use virtually all colours and both hand- or machine-made designs and patterns. We can add customised elements to the shoes/boots, including leather but also fabric and metal parts in some cases.’

You can even buy a shoe customisation kit like this one to have a go at home. You might not be a pro straight off the bat, but once your design skills are on point, you can take those old winter boots and make them 2020-ready.

Mending holes in clothes

A rip or tear isn’t the end of an item.

All you need is a needle and thread, and even the most obvious of rips can be hand-stitched over.

Check out this great tutorial that shows you step-by-step how to creatively sew over tears.

Alternatively, if you’d like something a little more professional, most tailors will only charge a few pounds for a small hole to be sewn. Get a quote, and see whether it’s worth mending.

Getting ill-fitting clothes tailored

Similarly, if you’ve lost or gained weight since last winter, and want to make your old items fit without throwing away, it’s often completely possible.

Prices will depend on the tailor you go to, but as long as you’re realistic with your expectations and happy to work with them to spruce up your items, you can negotiate the right amount of work for a price you’re comfortable with.

Cleaning shoes

If it’s just a simple case of cleaning up a pair of old shoes, here are Sagar’s tips:

• If you decide to clean the shoes/boots on your own, follow manufacturers guidelines and check what kind of wet or dry cleaning techniques is suitable for your type of footwear.
• Keep the leather properly moisturised, using shoe creams and leather balms matching your type of footwear. Leather, just like our own skin, needs proper love and care to stay in good condition.
• Keep your shoes/boots away from humidity, sunlight and high/low temperatures.

If all else fails and you decide you’re adamant you want something new, try second hand.

Your local charity shop will undoubtedly be a goldmine, and Oxfam even have an online shop so you don’t need to rummage. You can search by style or brand, and there are heaps of designer goodies waiting to be re-loved.

Sellers on Depop will also have items that are as good as new – some of which are still in the shops – but need a new home. It’s a fraction of the price to go second-hand, and you’re helping cut down on wasted clothes too.

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When I was diagnosed HIV-positive, at the age of 31, I thought that I wouldn’t live to see 50.

At that time, 21 years ago, we were in the early days of effective treatment and fears that it may not be enough were commonplace. The images of HIV in my own mind were of my friends who had died, and of the men that I saw on the gay scene, their cheeks sunken or their bodies scarred with Kaposi’s sarcoma lesions.

The physical manifestations of this disease were almost as frightening to me as the prospect of my own mortality.

I celebrated my 50th birthday a couple of years ago.

I now take just three pills a day, which is more than many people with HIV, and they keep me healthy. I go to the gym three times a week and usually for a run on Sundays. The other day, I ran the equivalent of a half marathon without even planning to.

I feel fitter and healthier than I did when I was in my twenties and far stronger, both physically and mentally, than I did when I learned I had HIV.

I know how fortunate I am to have been diagnosed when I was. Treatment keeps me alive.

Generations before me weren’t so lucky. I carry the memory of those that I lost with me. Some who survived that era still suffer from the damage caused by the virus before treatment was available, or from the days when dosing was less refined and the side-effects of HIV medication were greater.

The government’s ‘Don’t Die of Ignorance’ campaign in the 1980s ensured that everyone knew about HIV and AIDS.

Unfortunately, the doom-laden imagery of icebergs and tombstones left a legacy of fear that people living with HIV still deal with today.

So much has changed since then.

People with HIV live full, productive lives. We work hard, sometimes we play hard, and we’re subject to all the same stresses and strains as everyone else, plus a few more. We are not doomed, we are not ‘unclean’, we are not predatory or dangerous, just because we are living with HIV.

For many people living with HIV, it is the stigma we face that now provides the greatest challenge. Attitudes towards people living with HIV have not progressed as rapidly or as positively as the medical treatment has.

As a gay man, going through my teens at a time when homosexuality was still very much taboo, I used to censor myself the whole time. I felt the need to hide parts of myself in the hope that I would be accepted.

It didn’t work for being gay; it doesn’t work for being HIV-positive.

Openly HIV-positive role models, such as Welsh Rugby player Gareth Thomas or Queer Eye’s Jonathan van Ness, help us to chip away at the fear and ignorance that people with HIV often face. I hope that I can play my part too.

HIV treatment not only means that we should live long and healthy lives, it also means that we can enjoy sex, without condoms, without any risk of our partners getting the virus.

When we are virally-suppressed to undetectable levels (as 95 per cent of all people living with diagnosed HIV in the UK are) there is zero risk in sex. This means that pretty much all the fear that HIV-negative people have of those of us living with HIV is just wasted energy.

HIV has changed so much over the 31 years since the first World AIDS Day.

Most people living with HIV in the UK are able to do so healthily. We are not a sexual risk to others. We can be strong. We can be powerful. I feel that I am – and that’s the image of HIV that I want to share with the world.

I smashed my way out of the viral closet years ago – and I’ve never regretted it. Now let’s smash HIV stigma too.

Matthew Hodson is Executive Director of the HIV charity, NAM. NAM / aidsmap provides news and information for anyone living with or concerned about HIV.

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