Grey by EL James is all wrong – this is what a real dom/sub relationship looks like

July 6, 2015, 1:57 am

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EL James’ latest novel, Grey, rehashes Fifty Shades from the perspective of Christian Grey, the so-called dominant.

But the story bears little resemblance to real dom/sub relationships.

I should know – as a professional dominatrix, the patient training of submissives is my specialty.

Of course, I see many clients who just want a taste of spank and tickle – a new and interesting sexual diversion.

But my most devoted clients see me because they know I won’t just cater to their every whim, I will make them truly submit – in body, to my canes, to my crops, to my strap-on – but especially in mind.

I put them in chastity, controlling when they may and may not orgasm, for weeks or months on end.

I teach them to serve me with precise and exquisite grace.

I teach them to take intense pain and devastating humiliation while holding perfectly still.

I can command a submissive’s behaviour, but they must… Read the full story

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How teen with Asperger’s taught his attackers a powerful lesson

July 6, 2015, 2:43 am

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A teenager with Asperger’s, who was attacked for being different, has taught the bullies a powerful lesson about seeing life through someone else’s eyes.

Gavin Joseph, from New Baden, Illinois, was beaten up by a gang of strangers after they heard some people talking about how he was ‘weird’ and always by himself.

Gavin was tricked into meeting the group, who then surrounded him. He was ‘choked, punched, and left laying on the pavement so he would “learn his lesson”‘, explained mum Cortnie Stone on Facebook, in a post from family friend Susan Moffat that’s now been shared almost 130,000… Read the full story

Brilliant campaign encourages people to Photoshop ‘acceptable’ male nipples over ‘offensive’ female nipples

July 6, 2015, 4:35 am

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With the campaign to #FreeTheNipple coming up against ambiguous – and, many believe, totally sexist – social media guidelines, people are being encouraged to Photoshop the nipple instead.

In a bid to get around the Instagram and Facebook authoritarians, and continue to show up the ridiculous double standards, people are being encouraged to Photoshop ‘acceptable’ male nipples over ‘unacceptable’ female nipples.

Genius.

The simple ‘how to’ was created by artist Micol Hebron and shared by US musicians Our Lady J and the band La Sera over the weekend.

It’s now been shared over 160,000 times and La Sera musician Katy Goodman has already been asked to remove the ‘offensive’ nipple post.

I've… Read the full story

This guy went to McDonald’s looking for a job – got a modelling career instead

July 6, 2015, 5:59 am

≫ Next: 24 miseries only overweight guys will understand

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He doesn’t look like he eats many Big Macs these days, but this 21-year-old Scottish model got his big break in a McDonald’s car park. The glamour.

Five years ago, Christopher had just turned 16, and was looking for a part time job.

His mum drove him to McDonald’s in Rutherglen so he could hand in his CV.

But, he ended up selling more than happy meals after he was spotted by Alison Bruce, co-owner of Colours modelling agency.

Read the full story

24 miseries only overweight guys will understand

July 6, 2015, 7:01 am

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Being an overweight man is a fun-filled extravaganza of joy and happiness.

Oh wait, no, it’s not.

It’s quite often awful beyond measure and here are 24 reasons why.

1. Having to ask for the seatbelt extender

Interrupting the pre-flight safety demonstration when you realise that the normal belt will mean you never regain feeling in your legs.

Then a bright orange special extender belt is brought out so the entire plane can see your predicament.

2. Getting stuck in things

Doorways, theme park rides, friends’ jackets, the soft play area of a Wacky Warehouse.

3. People stare at your food in the supermarket trolley

It’s not a trolley, it’s a see-through wire cart of judgement.

4.… Read the full story

Girls only: Inside an all-female sex party for women who are curious about women

July 6, 2015, 7:18 am

≫ Next: Woman writes the perfect response to Tinder date who said he’d marry her…’if only she was slimmer’

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I’m bricking it. I agreed to this in a yeah-I’m-so-cool-with-this kind of way.

I’ve fantasised about women before. I meet and talk with women who I find so beautiful I can’t take my eyes off them.

But there’s a big difference between fantasy and reality.

Skirt Club is a sex club for women only. Women who consider themselves more or less heterosexual – some even in relationships or marriages who come with their partner’s knowledge and consent – but who have a curiosity they want to explore.

The founder, who goes by the pseudonym Genevieve LeJeune, says she wanted Skirt Club to be a place where women could feel liberated enough to explore their… Read the full story

Woman writes the perfect response to Tinder date who said he’d marry her…’if only she was slimmer’

July 6, 2015, 7:33 am

≫ Next: Controversial weightloss device that pumps food out of people’s stomachs is coming to the UK

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A woman, who was told by a Tinder date: ‘I am hugely turned on by your mind, your face, your personality….. I can’t say the same about your figure’, has given the perfect riposte online.

In an open letter on her blog, 30-year-old Michelle Thomas told the man she had chosen to respond publicly because he has a 13-year-old daughter, and she wanted to show him how to build her confidence, rather than destroy it.

Michelle and the man, known only as Simon, went on a date a couple of weeks. ‘He bought me dinner. We strolled arm in arm on the South Bank. He walked me to the train station, where… Read the full story

Controversial weightloss device that pumps food out of people’s stomachs is coming to the UK

July 6, 2015, 8:53 am

≫ Next: 20 reasons summer and the British don’t mix

≪ Previous: Woman writes the perfect response to Tinder date who said he’d marry her…’if only she was slimmer’

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A new weight-loss system that works by pumping undigested food out of the stomach, is set to become available in the UK from September.

Despite sounding more like a torture device, the AspireAssist system claims to have helped hundreds of dangerously overweight Americans lose weight in clinical studies.

And now it hopes to do the same for obese Brits.

However, critics have said that rather than tackling obesity, the pump is encouraging people to binge eat and then ‘vomit on demand’.

To have the pump fitted, patients undergo a… Read the full story

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20 reasons summer and the British don’t mix

July 6, 2015, 9:16 am

≫ Next: This panda nursery in China is where we want to be – all day, errday

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‘So looking forward to summer’ everyone screams like a complete lunatic.

Well I hate this time of year, for good reason.

Here’s 20 reasons summer and the British don’t mix.

1. We constantly have people from other countries telling us we’re wimps because it’s not that hot.

2. But it seems all other countries have lovely air conditioned places to literally chill in while for us, inside is just as hot. Sometimes even hotter.

3. And fans are about as useless as alcohol free vodka.

4. All this English rose crap. Have you seen roses in the heat? They wilt and die.

5. Pale skin that burns the… Read the full story

This panda nursery in China is where we want to be – all day, errday

July 6, 2015, 9:38 am

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We’ve all heard that Confucius quote: ‘Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life,’ and wanted to stab ourselves in the eye.

Because, there’s a reason they call it ‘work’, amiright?

Except, there are a few lucky souls who are living the dream – and they’re the panda carers at China’s Giant Panda Breeding Centre.

The panda nursery is located in Chengdu, the ancestral home of the giant panda.

And its sole aim since 1987 has been breeding little baby pandas, to ensure their survival. If you ever feel sad, just remember this place exists.

Mondays probably aren’t so bad when you’re looking after these… Read the full story

KFC has just invented a pizza and fried chicken hybrid to haunt your dreams

July 6, 2015, 11:24 pm

≫ Next: How one superhero mum is making hearing aids cool for kids

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KFC has just come up with a margherita pizza and fried chicken combo and we don’t know how to feel.

Is it a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare? Should we laugh or order a bucketful?

To its classic Original Recipe fried chicken thighs and drumsticks, Colonel Sanders and the gang have decided to add a tomato sauce base and a breaded mozzarella and cheddar mix, which has been melted to perfection in the oven.

It’s called the Napoli Crispy Pizza Chicken (catchy) and is sadly only available in Hong Kong at the moment.

Another cross-category effort from KFC: "Napoli Crispy Pizza Chicken" in Hong Kong. Uhhh, no. pic.twitter.com/2Vmg9PCfW2

— BurgerBusiness (@BurgerBusiness) June 30, 2015

How one superhero mum is making hearing aids cool for kids

July 7, 2015, 12:16 am

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With a four-year-old called Freddie, who is profoundly deaf in one ear and moderately deaf in the other, mum Sarah Ivermee knows first-hand the difficulties in getting kids to wear their hearing aids.

Soon after diagnosis at the age of just three-months, Freddie was given a hearing aid. In a blog post for The Limping Chicken, Sarah describes it as ‘a small beige coloured device with a clear mould.  Not the best looking but it did the job!’

Last year, at three-years-old, Freddie was fitted with a cochlear implant. Mum says the choices of device were a little better, but still limited.

Read the full story

A woman live-tweeted couple’s totally cringe first date and it’s brilliant

July 7, 2015, 1:22 am

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We’ve all been on one of those first dates when we’ve considered climbing out the toilet window.

Now imagine if someone at the next table was live-tweeting the whole, toe-curlingly awful thing.

That’s what happened to one mismatched couple who happened to be sat next to Toronto-based writer Anne Thériault in a coffee shop last week.

Realising she was sitting on comedy gold, and looking for any way to avoid doing some actual work, Anne decided to live-tweet the entire first date, for the internet (or at least her 14,000 followers) to enjoy.

‘I decided to document it because I was supposed to be doing work, and obviously needed to do something while I… Read the full story

Woman adopts dying dog so he can live out his final days in style

July 7, 2015, 2:23 am

≫ Next: Shower squids are the shower space saver you’ve been waiting for

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Meet Chester and his foster mum Nicole Elliot.

Nicole adopted Chester from Animal Ark Rescue after learning he was terminally ill with cancer.

She plans to make his final days the best ever.

The Columbus, Georgia, resident spotted Chester on the not-for-profit animal rescue centre’s Facebook page, and fell in love the moment she saw him.

‘I am trying to give him normal doggy experiences that he may have never had the chance to do before, and a ton of spoiling,’ Nicole told the local news channel.

Read the full story

Shower squids are the shower space saver you’ve been waiting for

July 7, 2015, 2:35 am

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Filed under: Why didn’t we think of this?

Shower Squids are one of those inventions, that as soon as you see them you can’t help but think, why the hell didn’t I think of that?

The fiendishly simple design means that you no longer have to scrabble for your shampoo and conditioner on the shower floor, or leave you soap on a suspect shelf.

The latex squid, which features a friendly face and an anatomically incorrect nine tentacles (but really, who’s counting?), can be hooked off your shower or door handle and clutches onto your toiletries so they’re all easily to hand.

Basically, they’re the shower space saver you’ve been waiting for.

Shower Squids, $36 (approximately £23) from… Read the full story

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Hate Mail: Pay £18 to receive a personalised insulting message

July 7, 2015, 3:25 am

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This might be one of the best Kickstarters we’ve ever seen.

Caution: extremely strong language follows

British illustrator Mr Bingo is raising funds to publish a new book showcasing his Hate Mail project, in which members of the public pay to have a uniquely insulting postcard sent to them through the post.

Hate Mail has been going since 2011, when Mr Bingo posted a tweet saying ‘I will send a postcard with an offensive message on to the first person who replies to this’.

The winner was a Jonathan Hopkins from Forest Hill, who received this:

Since then, more than 900 people have willingly received ‘vintage postcards skillfully emblazoned with offensive messages’ – and now Mr Bingo has launched a Kickstarter to fund the publication of Hate Mail: The Definitive Collection, collecting together 156 of his favourite cards.

Read the full story

Someone’s designed a dream house built into a cliff with the world’s most spectacular view

July 7, 2015, 3:42 am

≫ Next: This Nutella and marshmallow brioche toastie recipe is pure filth

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Apparently, we all want to live beside the seaside these days. As in right beside the seaside. Preferably on the edge of a cliff.

Following the delicious designs for a cliff house drawn up by architects Modscape Concept last year, someone’s gone one better – with plans for a house built into the actual cliff.

The stunning ‘Casa Brutale’ was designed by two Greek architects from OPA Works. The house uses concrete in the interiors and exteriors – a style known as brutalism – to blend in with the stark landscape.

It’s brutally beautiful.

Read the full story

This Nutella and marshmallow brioche toastie recipe is pure filth

July 7, 2015, 3:56 am

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It’s the ultimate grilled sandwich for those with a (really) sweet tooth.

Here in the UK we don’t really do grilled cheese sandwiches like in the States, we’re the lazy toastie maker types, BUT this really is worth the extra couple of minutes to make in a pan.

This Nutella, marshmallow, banana, brioche sandwich is an indulgent take on S’mores and has been nicknamed The S’moregasm.

Ingredients:

• 2 slices of brioche
• Nutella
• sliced banana
• marshmallows
• butter for frying

Method:

1. Spread each brioche slice with a generous layer of Nutella.
2. Cover one slice with the banana.
3. Top with marshmallows (I cut a giant one into 3)
4. Top with the other brioche slice.
5. Melt butter in a pan over a low-medium heat (too hot and the brioche will burn and the filling won’t melt).
6. Cover… Read the full story

Toddler with Down’s syndrome follows in his model mother’s footsteps

July 7, 2015, 4:28 am

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An 11-month-old boy with Down’s syndrome has followed in his mother’s footsteps, after being signed up to her model agency.

Micah Quinones was diagnosed with Down’s syndrome when he was three-months-old, but that sure hasn’t held him back in life.

He may not even be a year old yet, but Micah has already built up such a fierce Instagram following (after appearing on his mum’s and dad’s feeds), that he now has his very own Instagram account, and boasts over 7,200 dedicated followers.

The son of the model Amanda Booth and her equally hot husband, Mike Quinones, Micah was always going to be blessed with photogenic genes.

Something Amanda is now happy to admit,… Read the full story

Forget pool tables and slides, what UK workers crave most in an office is natural light

July 7, 2015, 4:55 am

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If you could have anything you wanted in your office, what would you ask for? A slide? A sweets dispenser? A slide that dispenses sweets?

All of the above naturally.

But, when asked what things they valued most in the workplace, it turns out, office-bound Brits are a pragmatic bunch.

Forget water slides, soft play areas and skateboard ramps, according to a recent survey of 1,000 UK workers by the Royal Institution of Chartered Surveyors, all we really crave is a little natural light and a clean desk.

… Read the full story