‘It feels great sitting in a wet and soiled nappy. For a normal person it would be horrible but for me it feels comforting, while also naughty and humiliating.’
Mark,* a 35 year old who lives in South London, is an adult baby. He has a fetish known as ABDL, which stands for adult baby diaper lovers.
For Mark, his fetish began in early puberty, as, ‘a sense of wanting to be a baby again’. He says it also had a sexual side from the beginning: ‘I’d fantasise about a teacher I fancied changing my nappies. Sometimes at night I’d put all my underpants on at once, to try and feel like I was wearing a nappy. That was when I came for the first time, in a non-wet dream scenario.’
While some involved in ABDL argue there is nothing sexual about it, and that it shouldn’t be classed as a fetish, views within the community vary – and even those who protest ABDL’s innocence send mixed messages.
‘I, and folks talking here, have stated categorically their practice is not fetish or kink. Why are we not being believed?’ says Nottingham based Mummy Grace, a spokesperson for the ABDL community who has a link to fetish site FetLife in her Twitter bio. Mummy Grace, who runs a nursery for adult babies, did not respond to a request for an interview.
And in a similar vein, the Yorkshire based Dotty Diaper Company which sells adult-size nappies and babygros to the ABDL community, declined to be interviewed on the grounds that, ‘honestly there is not much too [sic] tell either unless it’s shocked up like previous media interviews.’ However, despite their claims of media sensationalism, there is a link on the Dotty Diaper site to ‘Dotty After Midnight’ which is, ‘our sister site that focuses purely in the BDSM market.’ For the uninitiated, BDSM stands for bondage discipline sadism and masochism.
The ABDL community seems both secretive and sensitive. The Dotty Diaper Company blocks me on Twitter following my request for an interview, and one adult baby tells me via a Twitter direct message: ‘I don’t use hashtags that would be easily stumbled upon by people outside of the community.’
Daddy Derek, who looks after adult babies at a nursery near Cardiff, tells me on the telephone that he isn’t willing to do an interview as he still feels burned by a 2015 feature in the Liverpool Echo. And Nanny Luna of the ABDL London Nursery tells me to ‘f*** off’ then slams the phone down when I ask if she’ll talk to me about working with adult babies.
Nanny Prudence, who’s based in London and Brighton, agrees to speak to me, but with the following proviso: ‘Please be respectful. I always refuse interviews as usually they become sensationalised and twisted. But I feel the adult baby community is misunderstood, and wanted to be open and honest.’
After initially speaking on the telephone, Nanny Prudence tells me she’ll do the interview via WhatsApp message, to allow her to compose her thoughts. She explains that she started looking after adult babies while working as a dominatrix and fetish actress.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I specialise in roleplay and when someone asked me if I’d do an ABDL roleplay session, I thought why not. It might seem bizarre or perverted to some, but to me it’s another interesting character I can develop, and have fun with.’
Nanny Prudence’s clients are aged 25 to 65, and over 95% are male. She tells me there’s a myth that adult babies are all wealthy and in powerful positions, and she sets out to debunk this, explaining: ‘I’ve had bankers, CEOs, a vicar, and politicians, but also taxi drivers and students. No one picks their fetishes. It’s something that emerges as a part of you – you become aware of it, and either bury or embrace it.’
Wearing a traditional nurse outfit, or a 1950s style dress with heels and seamed stockings, Nanny Prudence offers bottle feeding, baby talk, play time and down time, which consists of listening to lullabies. She also changes her clients’ nappies, ‘wet only, no poop.’ Nanny Prudence doesn’t mind the wee, explaining, ‘I just wash my hands afterwards. I prefer not to wear gloves. I’m not germphobic.’
When her clients have their nappies changed, ‘sometimes they are aroused,’ however, ‘they are not ever allowed to reach for my breasts. Nanny Prudence is very strict about that,’ she says, adding, ‘and it’s never happened.’
According to Nanny Prudence, who charges upwards of £200 an hour, a session with her is essential to the emotional and spiritual wellbeing of her clients, who often book time with her when they’re feeling ‘stressed out and need time out from the daily grind’.
Reflecting on her role, she says: ‘it doesn’t sexually turn me on, but I love it. I see myself as a therapist and I have a lot of fun and freedom, and it’s creative. You have to be an actress to play this role, and make it authentic and not a joke.’
Mark, who works as an estate agent, has never had a session with a professional mummy or nanny to adult babies, explaining, ‘none of them are very pretty. I’d have to fancy them in order to go for it.’
He is, however, aroused simply by wearing a nappy, and although he’s currently single, he fondly recalls a relationship he had with a girlfriend who accommodated his ABDL fetish.
‘It turned me on so much when she changed my nappy,’ he tells us. ‘I was super excited. Sometimes she’d wank me off into my nappy by putting her hand in. We had sex when I was in nappies too, sometimes when I was being changed – or when it was wet, I’d pull it down a bit so my penis poked over the top and we’d do it doggy style.’
The relationship, which started when Mark was at university, lasted several years. During that time, Mark’s girlfriend would feed him, bathe him, spank him, bounce him up and down, and play games like patty cake with him. Mark would wear a nappy at the weekend once a month, or once a fortnight, and his girlfriend would change it for him, even if he did a poo. Mark explains, “it wasn’t her favourite thing about me being in nappies, but she didn’t mind because she was my girlfriend, and she said it was part of going out with a big baby.”
There were times when not changing Mark’s nappy was part of the game. He says: ‘Sometimes she’d punish me, by making me sit in it when it was full. She’d say I was stinky and I’d sit in the corner. I enjoyed that a lot.’
Looking back at their time together, Mark says, ‘she said that ABDL turned her on, but I think it’s weird, so I don’t see how someone else would be turned on by it. If it wasn’t weird, you’d be able to buy adult Pampers in Boots instead of having to get big nappies online!’
Now responsible for changing his own nappies, Mark tells us: ‘I sh*t and p*ss myself, and don’t change until I really have to – like when they are leaking. Even then, I’ll sometimes just put plastic pants on over the top.
‘Sometimes I put myself on a 24 hour “nappy punishment” where I imagine a girlfriend has caught me doing something naughty and she’s punishing me by not changing me.’
At times, Mark takes it further. He says, ‘the longest I’ve gone without changing is two days. I add more, bigger nappies, over the top, with holes in each layer so the wee can soak through. It gets big and bulky, so I have to crawl or waddle.’
At home by himself, wearing a full nappy, Mark sucks a dummy, drinks from a baby bottle, and eats baby food dessert. He says, ‘I don’t play with many toys – but I have a My First iPhone toy.’
Mark sometimes goes out wearing a nappy under his jeans. ‘I’d never go to work in a nappy, so it’s usually just on weekends when I get the chance,’ he explains. ‘It might look a bit bulky and some people might notice, but they probably wouldn’t expect it to be a nappy so they don’t realise. Also, I’ve worn them out more in winter, when I’ve got a big coat covering the jeans – and I’ve never messed myself when I’m out of the house, just wet. I do have a fantasy where a pretty woman notices I’m in a nappy, then she checks, and decides I need changing!’
Mark has had three girlfriends in the eleven years since he split up with the woman who embraced his fetish. However, none of the subsequent relationships have lasted long enough for Mark to feel comfortable telling them he’s an Adult Baby.
Dating and relationship coach James Preece says it’s important to feel comfortable sharing a fetish with a partner, but to get help if the shame around it becomes overwhelming.
‘Many fetishes are completely normal and everyone is into different things,’ James explains. ‘However, if it’s something you are deeply embarrassed by, and it’s making your life a misery, get professional help before it becomes something you can no longer control.
‘If you have a partner, consider sharing it with them. They may choose to play along with your fetish and experiment, or they could offer moral support if you want to stop obsessing over it. Ultimately, a relationship with secrets is not a strong one.’
Mark has struggled to fully embrace being part of the ABDL community.
‘I wish that wearing a nappy didn’t turn me on – if I knew why I liked it, I’d be able to go back and unlike it,’ he tells us. ‘I’d love to be like a normal person.
‘I wonder, if I got into a relationship again, whether I’d tell my girlfriend and risk her leaving me, or do I just hide it forever? I don’t know if I’ll ever reveal that side of me to someone I love, or if I’ll trade nappies for happiness.’
*Names have been changed.