Cody the Staffordshire Bull Terrier cross has been missing for two weeks.
James Firsht, from Bounds Green in North London, has lost his beloved dog and fears that he may have been stolen.
Cody is a very special dog because he has helped James for years in his battle against depression and drug addiction.
James doesn’t know how he can make progress without Cody by his side.
He told Metro.co.uk: ‘Losing Cody literally feels like a never-ending nightmare. It’s been two weeks and I just want my best friend back.’
Cody ran off during a walk in Hadley Wood, Barnet, with a trusted dog walker that James has used for three years.
He spotted a squirrel and darted away to chase it. The dog walker looked for Cody for hours, but he was nowhere to be found.
James said: ‘She took him off for a walk and he ran off after a squirrel and didn’t come back.
‘She spent hours looking for him. She was scared to tell me. It is totally unlike him. He doesn’t normally run away.’
James and Cody having a cuddle. (Picture: James Firsht)
Understandably, James is utterly distraught by the loss of his best friend.
He has scraped together his life savings and is offering a reward of £1,000 for whoever finds Cody.
James has even requested leave from his job as a gas engineer so he can keep on searching for his pooch, and spends every spare moment putting up flyers around Barnet.
When he adopted Cody, James was going through a dark time in his life.
‘I wasn’t looking after myself, I had no job, and I was really low, but then he gave me something to live for.’
By learning to take care of a pup, James was able to care more for himself. He found a job and began the slow and painful process of recovering from depression and drug addiction.
James rescued Cody, but Cody also rescued James.
There have been unconfirmed sightings of Cody in East Barnet, Cockfosters and Victoria Park, but nothing has been verified.
(Picture: James Firsht)
Cody has a distinctive white patch on his chest.
He’s microchipped and all his details are registered, so if anyone finds him who hasn’t seen James’ flyers, taking Cody to the vet will confirm who he belongs to.
James is heartbroken by the loss of his supportive pet, and needs to have him back home.
If you see a dog that matches Cody’s description, contact James via his email address james.firsht@gmail.com or mobile number 07521259480.
Cats seem to spend the majority of their lives asleep.
According to PetMD, the average cat sleeps for a whopping 15 hours each day. Especially tired felines can sleep for up to 20 hours in a 24 hour period.
When they’re getting all this shut-eye, are our feline friends dreaming?
And if so, what are they dreaming about?
Dr. Nicholas H. Dodman, a professor at the Cummings School of Vetinary Medicine in New England, USA, says that cats definitely dream.
He told Metro.co.uk: ‘Cats exhibit all the physiological and behavioural characteristics of dreaming sleep in humans: low voltage fast wave activity, fast EEG activity – where the cerebral cortex (thinking centre) and hippocampus (memory centre) are active in the face of continued behavioural sleep.
‘Behavioural sleep is characterised by the absence of muscle potentials, super relaxed posture, unresponsiveness, and elevated auditory threshold.
‘This is the so-called the sleep of the body, where the mind is still active.
‘The fast wave EEG activity in periods of REM sleep is the dreaming phase of sleep.
What is REM sleep?
REM or Rapid Eye Movement sleep is one of the four stages of sleep, and should take place every 90 minutes or so while you’re snoozing.
During REM sleep, your eyes will make distinctive movements while closed. This is when dreaming takes place.
REM sleep is associated with maintaining important neural pathways and even learning new information.
Your heartbeat during REM sleep will be rapid, which could be a response to the dreams you’re having.
‘These periods alternate with periods of slow wave sleep (the sleep of the mind) in which some muscle tone remains (the body is not totally relaxed) and there is no dreaming.
‘During the former fast wave sleep, rapid eye movements and twitching movements of the limbs, vibrissae and ears are seen.’
Just like humans, cats have periods of deep sleep where they are completely relaxed in their bodies, but their minds are actively dreaming.
These precious angels are definitely having some quality dream time. (Picture: Getty)
Dr. Dodman also has some ideas about what cats might dream about.
He says: ‘Like us, cats will probably dream about things that have gone on in the recent or distant past.
‘Maybe stalking a bird or mouse. Maybe being petted. Maybe an altercation with another cat or dog.’
Although dogs sleep slightly less than cats do, with adult dogs getting an average of 12-14 hours sleep a day, Dr. Dodman says that the brain activity present during sleep is remarkably similar.
‘The sleeping patterns of dogs, cats and humans are all very similar.
‘However, the phase length of REM sleep vs. slow wave sleep varies between individuals and between younger and older subjects.’
This means that the amount of dream time you get depends on your individual characteristics and your age.
So potentially, cats and dogs could be dreaming just as much as you do.
If you see your cat’s little legs cycling or their ears twitching as they snooze, they’re probably having a satisfying dream about catching the bird that’s always mocking them from a high tree branch in the garden, or getting the better of the neighbour’s dog.
We know, we know: We only just exited a heatwave. It’s far too soon to think about Christmas.
But if you want to have a festive period that doesn’t decimate your savings, now’s the time to plan; especially if you’re hoping to travel in December.
Skyscanner has released research that looks into the best time to book cheap flights over Christmas.
They say that you can save an average of 30% on airfares if you book between 17 and 18 weeks before your break.
So for Christmas, that means booking between 20 August and 27th August. That’s pretty soon, FYI.
Prices of flights will only go up as we get closer to Christmas, so as annoying as it may be to confirm family plans that far in advance, it’s worth looking into trips now will likely save you enough cash to make the bother worth it.
When you’re booking your flights it’s worth thinking about the best days to head out, too.
Skyscanner says that 21 December is one of the most expensive days of the year to travel, and it’s one of the most common dates people choose.
If you push your departure to 23 December, you could save a little more cash. It’s up to you to decide whether that saving is worth cutting your trip two days short.
In short: Start planning and booking flights now, bug your family members to decide what they’re doing, and then feel smug when you’re all sorted with months to go.
And whatever you do, don’t book flights the week before Christmas. The prices may bring you to tears.
Quick tips for finding cheap flights:
Search for flights in incognito mode so your search data doesn’t affect the price you’re offered
Look at prices before you decide on exact dates – you’ll notice certain days are much cheaper. Fridays are usually cheaper days to fly out.
Book your flights on a Monday. That’s usually when flights are cheaper.
Keep an eye out for flash sales. It’s worth setting a Google alert on your phone so you get notified the moment your dream flight goes on sale.
Whitehall is set to play Disney’s first openly gay character (Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)
First up, there’s something I need to say: I’m gay and this is the first article I’ve written where I state my sexual orientation.
Those two words feel gigantic. Most of you won’t care what my sexuality is, or I hope you won’t. I’m a performer and writer and it’s taken me 30 years to come out.
Why? A number of reasons, one of them being my industry. There’s always the fear that if you out yourself you’ll only be seen for LGBTQ parts and won’t be cast in heterosexual roles, which probably means you’re not going to work much as it’s a limiting bracket.
Gay actors are a minority and if your typical casting is ‘sex symbol’ or ‘leading man’ that’s likely to change if you come out.
It is frustrating when a gay part is given to someone who is heterosexual. I understand, therefore, the furore following the announcement that Jack Whitehall will play the openly gay brother of Emily Blunt’s character in Jungle Cruise.
I’m also uneasy when I hear the character described as ‘hugely effete, very camp and very funny’. Whitehall may play the part with sincerity, but the description does conjure up images of a flamboyant, overly camp, horrific stereotype told through the eyes of a straight man.
It would be the equivalent of assuming that, cast as a lesbian, you’d have to shave your head, get a cat and be a hardcore, angry feminist.
I identify as a lesbian yet I have a feminine haircut, soft features, good comic timing and many other characteristics. I’m not just my sexuality. Why is Jack Whitehall’s character only defined as gay? What else is he – his qualities, hobbies, profession?
The issue is less about sexual orientation and more about respecting the character
That said, I’ve just written a one-woman show for the Edinburgh Fringe called Awakening in which I play a heterosexual woman. Does that make me a hypocrite? I don’t think so. I can play straight and I can play gay. I can play straight very well, in fact: I convinced everyone (including myself) that I liked men for 30 years so I’m damn sure I can play it convincingly on stage.
I wrote Awakening from the standpoint of a heterosexual women because I felt the narrative required it.
It references the judgements we make on women who are sexually active. When the character, Cassie, is assaulted she is judged on her past behaviour. If she was gay, and then sexually assaulted by a man, chances are she would not face the same type of response.
Loss, grief, betrayal are the same emotions whether you are straight or gay – for me, the issue is less about sexual orientation and more about respecting the character, and I hope in the future the industry will not pigeon-hole me because I identify as gay.
Colin Firth played a gay man in A Single Man’ beautifully and Cate Blanchett gave a stunning performance as a lesbian in Carol and respect was the key.
Playing for jokes and cheap laughs is doing a disservice and missing an opportunity to go beyond the superficial. Perhaps that’s especially true for a heterosexual actor inhabiting a queer role. Why is Disney relying on old, damaging and disrespectful LGBTQ stereotypes?
I’m hopeful times are changing as more and more young people are identifying as queer. Maybe in 10 years time we won’t be having this discussion, but right now I do feel that LGBTQ artists should be given priority for LGBTQ parts because we are the minority and it rarely swings in our favour.
The LGBTQ community also needs role models. Mainstream magazines are littered with heterosexual stars and in Jungle Cruise Disney had an opportunity to be more inclusive and show young gay men they can be in a blockbuster movie, that they aren’t lesser.
They could have acknowledged that a gay actor would have a deep understanding of that character. I feel my community’s disappointment when this minority role was filled by Whitehall who will have far greater casting opportunities.
Had there been more inspiring, non-stereotypical portrayals of gay women in my industry, I would have found the courage to come out a lot sooner.
Can you spot the unusual way this real estate agent attracts prospective buyers’ attention?
We’ll give you a moment. It’s tricky.
Realtor Bambi Chase, who works for Nebraska Realty, found an out-there way to make a family’s home stand out from the other options: She put on a 7ft dinosaur costume and appeared in the listing’s photos.
Photos show T-Rex Bambi hiding in the family’s shower, cooking in the kitchen, and drinking a glass of wine in the garden.
Bambi isn’t the first realtor to try the technique. Inspired by other agents’ success, she decided to try the method for herself, using a T-Rex costume her husband bought her for Christmas.
She hopes that she’ll draw people’s attention to a 1962 ranch home in Omaha, Nebraska.
(Picture: Caters News Agency)
If you’re interested, the house is pretty nice without the presence of a fake dinosaur. There are four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a garden.
Bambi plans to dress as a dinosaur for future listings.
‘The shower scene is my absolute favorite – nothing but the tail and a little of the head showing,’ she says.
‘I plan on having the T-Rex back and I am thinking of other fun costumes from time to time.
‘I don’t want to overdo it, but for the right home, I’ll do almost anything that will draw extra attention to get a home sold.’
In a Facebook post, the Wright Way Rescue Animal Shelter in Illinois shared the profile of Bruno, a seven-year-old polydactyl cat.
Polydactyl cats are born with more than the usual number of toes on one or more of their paws, but this isn’t the only reason that Bruno is an unusual feline.
When he fancies a snack, he stands up on his hind legs, with his shoulders back and his furry belly sticking out.
Bruno’s foster family say that they didn’t teach him this trick and they’re really not sure how he learned it.
Bruno is a tad overweight at 25lbs but his pot belly doesn’t stop him being the coolest cat around.
He’s currently on a diet and is perfectly healthy apart from the extra weight he’s carrying.
According to his bio on Facebook, Bruno is definitely a homebody and likes to lie close to his owners.
‘I usually prefer to lay on the floor or right next to you, but occasionally I like to be a lap-cat.’
His favourite place for tickles and scritches are the sides of his face and neck.
Bruno says: ‘I know my tummy is so tempting to touch, but I would prefer if you didn’t. I may swat my hand and pretend to bite if you do.’
He’s a talkative cat who needs plenty of attention, and even likes to be stroked while he eats.
If Bruno doesn’t get attention while chowing down on his biscuits, he will let his owners know that he needs those sweet pets.
‘I will still eat if you don’t pet me, but I will meow more and stare at you for a while…’
Like many cats, Bruno is quite fussy about where his water bowl is placed.
It needs to be in a completely separate room from his food bowl, and prospective owners are encouraged to place water bowls in multiple rooms and change his water at least once a day.
‘I only drink the water that was put in a completely different room,’ says Bruno. ‘If you have a larger house, perhaps put multiple bowls of water around for me and be sure to give me fresh water at least once day?
‘Yes, I know I am EXTRA.’
The Wright Way Rescue Animal Shelter says that Bruno is high maintenance, but he’s also a lazy, loving boy who just wants to be in the presence of his owners.
Tthe Facebook post with Bruno’s story has been shared more than 22,000 times.
Adoption applications have flooded in, and Wright Way Rescue is reviewing them very carefully to make sure that this cool cat gets the forever home that best suits his needs.
We tried all of them and found that we still weren’t magically healthy and powerful. Weird, huh?
The latest ‘superfood’ people are touting is a little weirder than normal, in that it’s the fossilised remains of tiny marine animals. That’s not something we’d usually consider eating, but holistic nutritionist Lee Holmes proclaims this magical substance can help people lose weight, remedy gut health, and improve skin.
The stuff is called diatomaceous earth (catchy), more commonly known as D.E.
It looks like crumbly rock or a soft off-white powder, like flour, and is the fossilised remains of teeny tiny marine animals known as diatoms, which are found as plankton in our oceans. Over time the remains of these animals forms a soft chalk-like sedimentary rock which is high in the mineral silica.
That doesn’t sound particularly appetising, but health types recommend chucking it into soups, smoothies, or just mixing with water to drink it down.
‘It helps clean out the accumulated build-up of waste, toxins, metals and mucous in the digestive tract,’ Lee Holmes told Today Tonight Adelaide.
‘It’s completely vegan, gluten-free, dairy-free and paleo friendly and it helps increase nutrient absorption, waste removal and improves digestion.’
‘It is so good for people with arthritis because the silica forms well into the body and is absorbed really well.
‘It also gets rid of parasites and worms.’
On Instagram, the #diatomaceousearth tag shows people holding up the powder as an essential part of a ‘cleanse’, praising the substance for boosting their gut health and clearing their skin.
Like many powders and superfoods before it, D.E. is touted as a way to ‘detox’, getting rid of all the bad stuff in your body.
But the thing is, the average person doesn’t need to detox. Your body has kidneys and a liver that get rid of anything that’s not supposed to be in the body, and if they’re failing the solution is medical attention, not a dietary supplement.
When asked if D.E. could be a ‘superfood’, Duane Mellor, a spokesperson for the British Dietetic Association (BDA) told Metro.co.uk: ‘The question should perhaps be, is it really a food at all?
‘It has been claimed to be able to detoxifying and act as an antioxidant. It can perhaps act to absorb and bind to chemicals in our stomachs similar to charcoal, but this is not a true “detox”, to “detox” all we need is to eat sensibly and leave our liver and kidneys to do their job.
‘It has also been claimed to help ligaments, cartilage and musculature however there is no evidence to support these claims to the point they are not recognised as health claims by law (European Food Safety Agency).
‘In fact the only application made for its use is as a pesticide!’
Duane explains that while D.E. could, theoretically, bind to substances in the stomach, that’s only necessary as a medical treatment. That’s not something the average person needs to do, and if they do need to detox substances from their body, this should be done under the guidance of a doctor.
Food grade diatomaceous earth in a bowl (Picture: Shutterstock / Anna Hoychuk
‘There is no evidence of a clear benefit,’ says Duane. ‘As it can be abrasive, it can have use in toothpaste to help keep our teeth nice and clean.’
It’s essentially used as a pesticide as it’ll kill off fleas, but that doesn’t mean it should be used to get rid of parasites in the body. If you suspect you have a parasite, you need to go to a doctor as soon as you can.
So far only one risk to humans is known: accidentally breathing D.E in, as ‘this can cause damage to lungs’, says Duane.
In short: Is diatomaceous earth the new superfood you should be sprinkling in your latte? No, probably not. We don’t know if you’ll do any damage by consuming it, but all the proclaimed health benefits are likely overhyped.
It might not sound as exciting, but if you want to boost your health you really do just need to stick to the oft-repeated stuff. Choose a balanced diet (a Mediterranean diet is often praised as the ideal), exercise, and sleep well. That’s a more reliable method than putting fossils in your soup.
But when it comes to grooming, the story is a little different.
How different that is depends on which survey you believe. According to Statista, around 70% of men spend £20 or less on grooming products each month. As a guide, only 15% of women spend under £25 a month on facial makeup alone.
According to Barclaycard, as above, men are already spending more than women on grooming.
So what’s going on?
Male spending on grooming products, 2018
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‘Pressure on men has increased tenfold over the last decade,’ Anthony McDonough, founder of men’s skincare brand LQD, tells Metro.co.uk.
‘The guys who are 20 to 25, the urban population, you’ve got this generation of guys where it’s as important for them to look good in a selfie as it is in real life, if not more.
‘It’s been driven by the Instafamous generation.’
Some of the reasons why men have traditionally spent less on grooming are obvious:
The majority of men do not wear makeup
The average man has shorter hair than the average woman
The average man just shaves their face whereas women shave/wax many more areas of their body
While the pressure may have increased ‘tenfold’, the pressure is still so much less on men than it is on women
But some of the problems are more nuanced. Why don’t men see the value of grooming?
While that age-old analogy makes any modern person shudder, it is still held in high regard, even if it is a myth.
But younger people are finally getting over the gender clichés.
‘Young men at 15 are spending as much as young women on haircare products,’ McDonough says.
‘The next step is skincare. We’re not talking makeup, we’re talking skincare.’
The challenge for men will be avoiding the idea that grooming and skincare needs to be complicated.
Reading through lists of ‘the 20 products you need to make your skin shine’ that are now targeted at men is brilliant capitalism rather than actually brilliant for your skin.
‘It’s all about simplicity, the market tries to complicate it and says you need 15 different products,’ McDonough says.
‘Most under-25s need a good cleanser that doesn’t dry out their skin then they need to rehydrate it with a moisturiser. They may need an acne product if there are issues but that’s mostly what they need.
‘If you’re over 25, then you need a product with an alpha hydroxy acid in it that continues to resurface the skin. That will help the collagen to be produced and keep the skin toned, clear and firm alongside a moisturiser.
‘When you get into your 40s, that’s when most men look towards eye products. Most guys, it’s not necessarily about removing the lines, but about the puffiness.’
‘No one wants to look 50 when they’re 40.’
How I Met Your Mother’s Neil Patrick Harris puts his youthful looks down to moisturiser and moisturiser alone.
We’d add the use of a good eye moisturising cream, no matter what age you are, as the thinness of the skin there needs special treatment.
It’s a telltale sign of fatigue. The ‘eyes giving your age away’ cliché comes with a lot of truth behind it.
In little over a decade, the obsession with grooming has gone from being seen as a vanity project for ‘metrosexual’ men to something more widely accepted.
That said, all too many men are still secretive about their grooming habits for fear of being ‘outed’ as someone who cares about how they look.
And heaven forbid a friend finding out you use something targeted at women.
A lot has been written about the price discrepancies between male and female beauty products and a lot of it rests on the fact that the market is sexist.
But there are differences between male and female skin.
‘There are three key differences,’ McDonough says:
Women, excuse the generalisations, wear makeup, trapping the moisture in the skin. Men’s skin is more exposed to air conditioning and external elements
Men shave their face, women don’t. It’s one of the most aggressive things you can do the skin. It causes the skin to dry out much more and it needs to be repaired and re-hydrated as soon as possible
Men have a different chemical layer in their skin. Men have a thicker dermis and it ages differently due to testosterone levels’
‘Not every product needs to be different but a lot do.’
That’s not to excuse the gulf in prices but to explain why there are ‘male’ and ‘female’ products in the first place.
For better or worse, we can’t get away from the increasing pressure on men to look ‘good’, placing subjective standards as an objective goal.
Beauty companies will market products towards men with the ‘promise’ of eternal youth in the same way as they traditionally have to women.
With male grooming, the answers are simple but it all boils down to consistent hard work:
Sleep enough
Drink a lot of water
Eat well
Exercise regularly without excess
Cleanse and moisturise morning and evening
Shampoo and condition once every couple of days
See a dermatologist or try to give yourself deep facial treatments once a month
Use eye cream
There are no quick wins here but the physical appearance and grooming regimen of men are being held to a higher standard.
‘Most 25-year-olds think David Gandy looks great,’ McDonough says.
‘He is the [near] 40-year-old today. Think about that 40-year-old role model a couple of decades ago.’
Now if there was a cream that could make us all as attractive as David Gandy…
Sacking instead refers to the brutal pain of being hit in the testicles.
It’s called sacking because, well, your testicles are also known as your ballsack. Hence sacking.
Sacking usually occurs when a hilarious friend decides to knock your balls for the lols.
But during sex, sacking refers to the irritation of having your bollocks knocking against your or your sexual partner’s body.
It’s worth noting that getting the balls involved during sex can be a wonderful thing, and even the swinging and bumping sometimes involved in positions like doggy style can be pleasurable (especially if you’re having sex with someone who has a clitoris, who gets a nice little tapping action during penetration).
But for some people, persistent sacking during sex can cause issues ranging from annoyance to pain and soreness.
Excessive sacking could cause injury to the testicles purely through blunt trauma. Worse is if you’re unlucky enough for your testicle to rotate as it swings, which can cause testicular torsion, meaning the spermatic cord (that’s responsible for bringing blood to the scrotum) gets twisted.
When testicular torsion occurs, a person can experience a reduction in blood flow followed by severe pain and swelling. Ouch.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Of course, causing actual injury through sexual sacking isn’t a likely scenario. But if you are concerned about the possibility, or you’re just fed up of listening to your balls thwack against your partner, how do you prevent sacking during sex?
You’ve got a couple of options.
The first is getting the balls involved in other ways, either fondling them yourself during sex or asking your partner to.
Try changing positions so you’re not causing your balls to swing. Sacking tends to happen most when you’re boning doggy style and going at it quite vigorously. Having your partner on top, spooning, or missionary will all keep your testicles fairly still.
Men with lower hanging balls may notice sacking more. If sagging testicles become frustrating, painful, or uncomfortable enough to cause you distress, it’s worth chatting to your GP.
Testicles tend to sag with age, but low hanging balls can also be caused by something called a varicocele, which is the swelling of the veins around the testicles.
Testicles will also hang further away from the body when the body is warm, as you need to keep your balls at the right temperature for sperm production, and will sit closer to the body when it’s cold. When you’re sexually aroused, your balls tend to move closer to your body, too.
Balls that sag excessively can be treated with scrotox (that’s Botox for your scrotum) or a scrotoplasty, which removes excess skin to make the sack tighter.
For most men, sagging balls will be a purely cosmetic niggle, and it’s important to avoid comparison or self-criticism. If your testicles aren’t causing you any pain or discomfort, they’re fine the way they are.
But if you’re experience regular sacking that’s causing pain, chat to your GP to check for an underlying cause and talk about potential treatment options.
Pictures: Getty/ASOS/New Look/Nasty Girl/ Pretty Little Thing
It’s not a trend that’s ever really going to go away.
Leopard continues to be a staple print this autumn with roar-some garments spotted on AW18 catwalks from Tom Ford’s neon red and yellow offerings with matching tights to Victoria Beckham’s statement leopard print coat.
If you’re shopping on a budget and high fashion offerings are outside your price range, there are plenty of ways to look fierce without breaking the bank.
The statement coat
& Other Stories Leopard Print Jacket – £89 (Picture: & Other Stories)
The best leopard print coats you can find on a budget are pre-owned ones.
Faux fur is cheap on marketplace sites like eBay, and local charity shops can be a goldmine of unwanted outerwear.
For high-quality second hand items, check out Depop or Vinted.
They’re smart enough for work and will look excellent off duty with skinny jeans.
The wide-legged trouser
Missguided Red Leopard Print Wide Leg Trouser – £25 (Picture: Misguided)
We love wide-legged trousers.
They’re comfortable, flattering, smart enough for the office (depending on print and fabric) and can be dressed up with killer heels and a crop top for nights out.
Nasty Gal Slippin’ Into Your DMs Leopard Dress – £15 (Picture: Nasty Gal)
If you’re going to wear a leopard print dress, be prepared for this item to be the cornerstone of your whole look.
Flirty spaghetti strap slips in leopard can be paired with chunky platforms or Dr Martens and leather jacket for a tough evening look, or barely-there sandals and a cream faux fur for an outfit that screams old school glamour.
M&S Limited Edition Animal Print Half Sleeve Shift Midi Dress – £45 (Picture: MARKS AND SPENCERS)
It has a high neckline and flowing shape, pockets and cropped sleeves, making it perfect for a fashion-forward office outfit.
The silky top
Pretty Little Thing Plus Tan Leopard Print Tie Waist Blouse – £25 (Picture: Pretty Little Thing)
Wrap tops and tie waist tops are here to stay this autumn.
Pretty Little Thing’s silky tie waist blouse has flowing waterfall detailing down the front and makes enough of a statement to carry a classic ‘nice top and jeans’ look into after-work cocktails and beyond.
The finishing touches
ASOS Leopard Print Ankle Socks – £4.50 (Picture: Asos)
If you want to wear the animal print trend but you’re not keen on committing to a big statement item, just add a small hint of leopard to your outfit.
It can be as simple as slipping on a pair of socks, like ASOS’ leopard print ankle grazers or looping a leopard print belt through your favourite pair of jeans.
Leopard print has been a favourite of style icons like Audrey Hepburn, Debbie Harry, Kate Moss, Jackie Kennedy and Elizabeth Taylor.
If it’s good enough for them, it’s definitely good enough for us too.
If you’re a female millennial, chances are you grew up thinking girl squads were the standard.
We listened to The Spice Girls, followed Sex and the City, and watched The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Female BFFs were unavoidable, and if you didn’t have a gaggle of them there was something wrong with you.
The BFF group dynamic was not only recurrent and enviable, but crucial, unless you wanted to be a social outcast. Many of us longed for Sleepover Club-like friendships.
But the reality is very few of us had them.
I have always been an introvert. Growing up, parties gave me social anxiety, ‘group hangs’ made me clam up, and sleepovers would end with me calling my mom in the middle of the night to be picked up.
Nevertheless, I wanted so desperately to have a big group of girlfriends, even at the cost of forcing friendships with girls I didn’t really like.
As an adult I’ve realised that the idea of having a tightly knit group of ride-or-die girlfriends is a luxury to few, and a myth for many. A myth even more inconceivable than a pair of jeans that fit four girls with different body shapes and sizes perfectly.
Pop culture’s obsession with #GirlSquads, a dusty yet arguably still relevant hashtag, can make us feel left out and insecure, as if there’s something wrong with us rather than how we misconstrue how friendships work.
The closest thing I have to a girl squad is the network of amazing women I’ve met through social media, some of whom I’ve never even met. This isn’t to say I don’t have friends (I do, I promise), but what I lack is an entourage. And that’s ok, because my anxious, paranoid, over-analysing brain would never be able to cope with that dynamic.
‘It’s tricky to generalise,’ says integrative psychotherapist and couples counsellor Hilda Burke, ‘but I have noticed that women seem to invest more emotionally in their friendships and expect more from them.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Friendships, like any relationship, take effort and emotional investment, so it makes sense if it’s easier to cultivate rapports one-on-one rather than spreading yourself thin and trying to do five in one.
For many women – especially introverts or those who have social anxiety – being expected to share everything equally and constantly with more than a few friends at a time is overwhelming.
This isn’t to say that female group friendships are a fad, but that they’re not as sustainable as we’re lead to believe. It’s hard enough to maintain adult friendships as it is, but trying to get a group of three or more women, especially if you live in a big city, is almost impossible.
The notion of meeting an entire group for brunch every Sunday and debrief about the week, dedicating the same energy to each friend and receiving the same amount of attention from each of them, is a pipe dream.
Even if you do manage to gather a group of female friends, the reality rarely lives up to that idealised bond we see in films.
‘I struggled terribly with having more than one [friend],’ Catherine, 41, tells Metro.co.uk. ‘Birthday parties filled me with dread having to be around all those people, from a very early age.’
Catherine struggled with the dynamics of friendship groups: ‘I would get quite jealous of their other friends thinking they preferred them and was bullied in secondary school so that added to the insecurity. I didn’t have any real female friends when I had my daughter, I tried but still struggled with acceptance.’
‘I do look at other friends and wonder what it might be like,’ she says. ‘But I can’t miss what I have never had.
‘When I was single I had more female friends I’d knock about with but I found that fake and hard too. It was constantly backstabbing and it made me wonder why bother all over again.
‘I sometimes worry if anything happened to my partner that I’d be lonely, but that’s something to think about if it happens.’
An exercise plan can help to ease the stress of wedding planning (Picture: Ella Byworth)
Despite the potential cattiness, many of us still long to be part of a girl squad. Sanchita Saha, CEO of socialising site Citysocializer.com, recently launched Shello, a female-only network specifically for women looking for female friends.
‘In the last 18 months alone, 58% of women joining Citysocializer have been joining specifically to meet and connect with new female friends, especially as their existing girlfriends started settling down, or moving away,’ Sanchita tells Metro.co.uk.
‘I always wanted a big group of girl friends,’ Hardeep, 26, tells Metro.co.uk. After years of not fitting in and being excluded by cliques, she confesses that despite those experiences she would still love to be part of a group.
‘I am lucky that I have some really solid relationships with the women I do, they’re great, and maybe that’s how it was meant to be for me, a couple of great relationships with singular humans, […] but I do wish I had a group of women, who I hung out with and we all lifted each other up, shared ideas etc.’
Vittoria, 20, moved a lot as a teenager and found it difficult to maintain friendships.
‘I have always been a huge fan of Sex and The City and every time I watch It I give myself a little pity party because I’m not as popular with the girls as Carrie is,’ she explains.
‘It reminds me of all the fun I’m missing because I don’t really ever hangout with girls. Any friend is worth appreciating, but female friends really do bring something special to the table.’
Humans are social creatures who have an innate desire to belong, so longing for a girl squad is completely normal – but so is not having one. We need to let go of the pressure to have the perfect girl squad we’ve been led to believe is the ideal.
Female friendships have the power to be incredibly intimate and supportive, but they don’t require a large number of members.
‘No matter how many friends you have, what’s important is that you feel comfortable simply being yourself with the people you count as your friends and can confide in them, secure that you will be listened to and supported,’ says Burke.
Allow me to end on a cliché: quality over quantity.
A recent study conducted by ChannelMum.com, which surveyed 2,000 parents of kids aged 0-16, found that over half of parents think swearing in front of their children is acceptable.
Conducted among parents with children aged up to 16 years old, the study found that 52% of them were happy to use bad language in the presence of their children.
One in five parents claim it’s because the children are ‘too young to understand what’s being said’.
One third will continue to use expletives even if children know what they mean – as long as they know they aren’t allowed to repeat them themselves.
The report was released by ChannelMum.com. Founder Siobhan Freegard said: ‘The topic of swearing in front of children is definitely something of a taboo among many parents.
‘Before kids learn to talk, parents often feel they can continue speaking the same way they always have.
‘But it’s not long before children are picking up bits of language from their parents – and by age two are very adept at parroting words back that they’ve heard mum or dad use.’
Nearly two thirds of respondents have sworn in front of their children or someone else’s.
(Picture: Getty)
One in five believe swearing is harmless, and simply a part of everyday language, while 15% think kids are likely to hear swear words in the playground at school anyway.
A further tenth of respondents are so used to swearing at work that they find it hard to switch off the bad language when they get home.
There is disagreement over what exactly constitutes a swear word. Six in 10 believe ‘bloody’ is fine to say in front of young listeners, three times more than would use the F-word.
Joss Cambridge Simmons, a childcare specialist and parenting consultant, tells Metro.co.uk that if parents are worried about their children’s language, it’s best not to swear in front of them.
‘Working with families and children has made me aware and taught me that we all have different house rules and raise the children in our families differently,’ he says.
‘I’ve experienced and seen firsthand how parents might think allowing their child to do what others might see as a big no is normal and okay.
‘One of these things is the use of what I like to call inappropriate language. Swearing, rude hand gestures, etc. This usually happens with parents that mirror the same behaviour.
(Picture: Getty)
‘We call it “learnt behaviour” and parents think it’s okay and the norm. So, the children then mirror those same traits and become puppets.
‘It’s for this reason that I believe we as adults should not behave un-adultlike when the children are present. It’s like my dad used to smoke but would never smoke around me.’
Joss says there are a few things you can do if your kids do start swearing in front of you.
‘If children start mimicking the behaviour that we are mirroring, depending on age of the child or children it can become difficult for them to unlearn it,’ he says.
‘For young toddlers up to the age of six, it’s good to not dwell on the use of the words, but talk about why we shouldn’t say them and what we can say instead.
‘We as adults can implement a consistent repetitive approach, for example taking away a luxury or giving them reflection time.
‘I come from the generation where adults use to say “do as I say, don’t do as I do”, but times have changed now due to all of these influences in the world via social media, gaming and music.
‘Children now need role models in parents that do and say the same thing positively and also mirror that as well.’
It’s a Friday night and I have just got back from work: a North London fish and chip shop.
Privately educated, white and middle class are not words that describe me – in fact, am not the typical student you would associate with the University of Cambridge.
My parents did not have the opportunity to finish their education, but they had an unwavering belief in its power and this belief was instilled in me from a young age.
Therefore, I set my sights high but I quickly realised that for a resident of Wood Green, this goal was, it seemed, unobtainable. Nevertheless, I persisted because I did not want my labels – state educated, mixed-race, working class – to restrict me and determine what I could achieve.
I confidently wrote down Cambridge; to my disappointment and shock, I was told to be ‘a bit more realistic.’
Education and learning have always been of great value to me. From staying up late past my bedtime with a torch under my duvet so I could finish Harry Potter, to never having a detention, I have been a good student.
So, when we were asked to write down our dream universities at secondary school, I confidently wrote down Cambridge. To my disappointment and shock, I was told to be ‘a bit more realistic.’
It seemed that only students who have six A* grades at GCSE are advised to apply. Again, this was upsetting – I had not been tutored during my GCSEs and I felt that my results were representative of a standard, state school education.
These comments are micro versions of the structural barriers faced by black and mixed-raced students throughout their academic journey.
For example, teachers disproportionately under-predict the grades of students from this demographic, preventing them the opportunity to apply to the top Russell Group universities because they do not meet their standard offers.
The doubt projected onto these students helps to maintain barriers that we should instead be dismantling.
It is a wider, systemic issue that politicians from across the ideological spectrum fail to comprehend. A Financial Times freedom of information (FoI) request revealed that six Cambridge colleges admitted less than 10 black British, mixed white or black A-level students between 2012-2016; one college, St Edmund’s, made no offers at all over the four year period.
Fingers are often pointed at Oxbridge but in the debate around this complex issue, that does not account for the people that are essential to the trajectory of their students: teachers.
Teachers are the pillars of our education so when I said I wanted to apply to Human, Social and Political Sciences (HSPS) at Cambridge, and was advised to apply for something ‘less competitive’, I was disheartened.
It was the active discouragement from my teachers that made me become more independent. Scrolling through my YouTube recommended feed, I came across videos of two young black girls from North London, Courtney Daniella and Renée Kapuku, talking about how they got into Cambridge and Oxford.
I immersed myself in similar videos by ethnic minorities, including other students who said their teachers had doubted their ability.
In year 12, I was rejected from three Oxbridge summer schools but, following Courtney Daniella’s advice, I did not allow what had happened to determine my next steps. Instead, I reached out to The Cambridge University African Caribbean Society (CUACS) where I was informed they would be holding an Access Conference.
It was there that I met the society’s President Ore Ogunbiyi, who became my mentor. Her dedication, and commitment to putting aside time each week to Skype and hold mock interviews was undoubtedly helpful.
That type of mentorship is something that numerous companies charge hundreds of pounds per session for, which makes it simply unavailable for students like me.
I was not invited to the Oxbridge prep group at my school because I was not considered ‘Oxbridge material’ but the Cambridge BME community remained open to me, and their strength helped get me through.
Teachers, when students express interest in Oxbridge, please don’t discourage them to apply.
Students, especially those from disadvantaged backgrounds, want your support in their grassroots efforts to tackle systemic inequality.
But that is the long game. Until we make headway, Oxbridge remains one of the options on their UCAS application, and they have four more they can utilise – let this be their aspirational goal on their application and like me, they may prove you wrong.
So it’s been a while since you got action of a sexual nature.
A few weeks.
Wait, months.
Years?
It’s natural to go through a dry spell, whether it’s down to being much too busy for sex, not feeling up for genital on genital action, or struggling to find someone who you actually want to have sex with (and who wants to have sex with you).
But when you reach the point that you genuinely can’t remember what it feels like to have your bum touched, it’s easy to panic.
The truth is that a sex drought does have an impact on your mental, physical, and sexual state – but it’s not as dire as you might imagine at 2am right before a desperate Tinder session to find someone, anyone, to remind you what the touch of another human feels like.
Let’s cover the physical side of things first.
No, your vagina will not shrivel up and die. Your penis will not explode out of unexpressed lust.
You also won’t be ‘revirginised’, and your vagina will not magically tighten due to a lack of sex.
Most of the physical results are down to the power of orgasms to reduce stress. When you stop having orgasms, cortisol levels rise, which can lead to issues including headaches, lowered immune system, and feelings of stress and anxiety.
That means that if you’re still masturbating to the point of orgasm, you’ll avoid those issues. Orgasms are what pose the health benefit, not penetrative sex specifically.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
‘No sex for a long time can lead to arousal problems or reaching an orgasm,’ explains Dr Charlotte D’Souza. ‘For men it can lead to a higher risk of developing erectile dysfunction due to a drop in testosterone levels.’
You might find that when you have sex after a drought, you’re more likely to experience irritation or a bacterial infection, as the vagina can get used to its blissful bacterial state over time, only for that to get disrupted by sex.
Women may also experience vaginal dryness, as a lack of sex and orgasms lowers the levels of estrogen – the hormone responsible for lubrication – bubbling around.
Your sex drive will drop as time goes on thanks to the drop in hormones, too, and it can be difficult to get back to your standard horniness levels when you start having sex again.
Now, on to the mental and emotional bit.
Going through a sex drought can feel rubbish, especially if you’re not abstaining from sex by choice. Those higher levels of stress we mentioned will come to the fore, and those having a dry spell may find themselves more sad, tired, and irritable.
‘Having sex produces lots of oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins, and keeps you in the now, the present moment,’ explains psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall.
‘It makes you happier, more confident, and smarter.’
This isn’t only down to the physical act of rubbing your genitals together, but the emotional connection we feel when having sex with someone we like.
‘As far as I know no one has died from abstaining from sex,’ says Dr Arnalll. ‘But people have died from a lack of emotional and psychological connection.
‘Having sex with someone with whom you have such a connection is incredibly good for you.
‘Having skin-on-skin contact is such a good way of connecting emotionally as it echoes the contact we received when we were smaller. A stroke of a cheek or hand from someone who cares about us or loves us is one of the best free medicines on this planet.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
A sex drought can leave us feeling disconnected, isolated, and lonely, which isn’t ideal while our stress levels rise and our immune function drops.
But the answer to this isn’t a quick shag with someone we don’t particularly fancy, just to take the edge off. We need that human connection to get all the mental and emotional benefits of sex.
‘Some people have sex to temporarily lift a low self-esteem or to make them feel important for 20 minutes,’ says Dr Arnall. ‘This is a rubbish way to live.
‘Abstaining from sex, at least while working out what you makes you tick, is psychologically preferable to behaving like this.’
So if the remedy for the negative emotions of a sex drought isn’t just getting laid, what is it?
Not all of us can – or should – quickly sort out an emotionally fulfilling relationship to fix the sex drought issue. Getting a partner just so you don’t feel rubbish doesn’t seem particularly healthy or kind.
What can you do to keep yourself going when you know a sex drought is likely to last longer, but a relationship isn’t an option?
First off, masturbate. You can get all the physical benefits of an orgasm without the presence of another human being.
Then try to take your sexual energy and focus it on something else you care about. This one’s a bit trickier than having a wank, but it’s more fulfilling, promise.
(Picture: Ella Byworth/Metro.co.uk)
‘A person who decides not to have sex but instead focuses their energies on setting up a business or pursuing an artistic venture is going to be much less perturbed than someone who wants to have sex but can’t,’ says Dr Arnall.
‘Either channel [the feelings brought on by a sexual drought] into something else that interests you or are passionate about, pr work on your confidence and neediness issues and then emerge as a more attractive person both psychologically and sexually – if that’s what you want.’
Remember: Sex droughts are normal, and while you may have flashes of despair and a rampant need for a good dicking, they’re not a terrible thing.
Taking some time away from sex can free up your mind to focus on other interests, help you learn about yourself, and give you the time to do other things that make you feel good, like sleep, reading, or working out.
You can survive this. And you’ll likely come out of the sexually deprived desert a more well-rounded, satisfied person, freed by the knowledge that you don’t need sex to be happy.
At just a few weeks old she was being driven to the slaughterhouse in a truck full of animals.
She managed to fall out of the truck and tumble on to a busy highway in Missouri, USA, where she was fortunate to be scooped up by a driver.
That driver got in touch with Randy’s Rescue Ranch in Old Fallon, who were all too happy to take the piglet in.
Now Pickles is living the good life, playing with farm animals on the ranch and eating meals made just for her by Randy.
‘When Pickles first came to the ranch she had a broken leg and red rash which she got from bouncing off the hot pavement,’ said Randy.
(Picture: SWNS)
‘The first night I got her she was scared. I wrapped her in a blanket and tried to comfort her. My dogs were not thrilled.
‘I didn’t know that much about pigs at the time. She was about three-weeks old. I knew she had escaped from a factory because she has a tattoo on her ear.
‘At first she was kind of mean. No one had ever touched her before I think. I’m a horrible cook and no one has ever liked anything I make but Pickles loves it.
‘There’s a first time for everything. She loves squash, carrots, apples. I make her three meals a day and her snacks of course.
‘She’s treated like a queen.’
(Picture: SWNS)
Pickles now shares a room with a calf called Randy, and has settled in brilliantly on the 20-acre ranch.
The piglet has managed to put Randy off the sausages.
‘She was going to end up being bacon,’ says Randy.
‘Now she has a happy life. She goes on long walks on her leash, she loves playing chase with me even when I’m in my pajamas.
‘She’s changed my life. I can’t even think about eating pork anymore.’
You might want to consider The Tentsile Universe… if you take the location of your tent very seriously.
This tent isn’t a regular tent, or even one of those fancy ones with separate rooms, but has been designed specifically for people who dream of snoozing on the water or up in some trees.
It’s a tent that can float on water and be tied above the ground, as well as being used as a regular tend.
So no, it’s definitely not an essential bit of camping kit, but it’s pretty special for campers who are bored of staying on solid ground.
(Picture: Tom Kahler/Tentsile Universe/Solent News)
The Tentsile Universe tent was created by British architect Alex Shirley Smith, 41, who says he was inspired by the Ewok villages in Return of the Jedi. Good reference.
It has three-inch thick foam padding on the bottom of the tent, which allows it to float, and when tied between trees using straps and ratchets, can let campers sleep in mid-air.
To be honest, we wouldn’t recommend using it as a tent in water – the risk of toppling over would stop us from getting any sleep – instead making it double as a raft as the designer recommends.
(Picture: Tom Kahler/Tentsile Universe/Solent News)
Alex Shirley Smith’s company, Tentsile, makes a bunch of other multipurpose tents, with their tree tents range doubling as hammocks, but the Universe tent is the first that also floats.
Of course, fancy tents that double as rafts and hammocks don’t come cheap. The lowest priced option is a single person tree tent for £183.95, while the Safari Stingray costs £896.43.
They’ve fallen foul to negative depictions of pigeons as dirty birds who are only after your Pret croissant, but pigeons are actually pretty lovely.
Photographer Leila Jeffreys has taken it upon herself to challenge the standard view of the humble pigeon, capturing stunning photos of pigeons in Australia and New Guinea to capture their beauty and diversity.
Working out of her studio, Leila gives each pigeon the artistic respect they deserve, taking the time to photograph them against a solid white background with as much care as she would give to any model.
The resulting collection has been shown in exhibitions in Australia, New York, and London, so we hope it’s done something to change our general attitude to pigeonkind.
‘You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes.’
And so it was I found myself in the middle of deepest, darkest Sussex on an adventure worthy of Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh themselves, following the footsteps of A A Milne, his famous son and his even more famous bear of little brain.
I embarked on the mission to mark the release of Christopher Robin – a new Disney film starring Ewan McGregor in which the eponymous hero, grown up, returns to the Hundred Acre Wood.
The fictitious wood was inspired by an area of pines called Five Hundred Acre Wood in Ashdown Forest – this, and the surrounding areas, provided the backdrop to Pooh’s adventures.
Armed with a sat nav, two maps, two phones with supposedly good map apps, and an extremely patient navigator, we headed off in my old banger – this was not a trip you can do without a car.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
After some hairy moments on single track roads, more than a few wrong turns and a lot of stopping, checking and setting off again, we finally found Piglet – well, Piglet’s car park, off Chuck Hatch Road.
‘When you see someone putting on his Big Boots, you can be pretty sure that an Adventure is going to happen.’
So, walking boots on, we set off up a small track, then joined a circuit right in the heart of Pooh’s home land.
The trail – which you can find here – includes fine views, the best from the Milne and Shepard memorial.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
If you’re short on time, I’d suggest parking at Piglets, walking left to the memorial, then continuing to Gill’s Lap car park and back to take in a good mix of scenery – pines, gorse and frankly more heath land than I imagined when reading the books as a child.
Still, we did the full trail – Roo’s Sandy Pit (grown over), The Enchanted Place (quite small) and Eeyore’s gloomy place (anyone’s guess as to where it really is).
Our circuit was supposed to be two miles, but it felt like more due to the hills.
In the middle of the woods, just when we were convinced we were utterly lost and due to walk another two miles, we spotted Piglet’s car park again.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
After the trek, and in honour of Pooh, it was time for some ‘short, easy words like ‘What about lunch?’.
So we headed to Pooh Corner in Hartfield, a lovely little shop selling all things Pooh.
It also houses Piglet’s Tearoom where we had delicious Pooh’s Cream Teas – £6 each with home made scones, clotted cream and jam or an alternative topping.
I had mine with honey but I could have done with a balloon so as not to be noticed – the bees stayed away but it appears wasps were just as partial to the sugar and I ended up sharing mine with no less than seven.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
Still, I finished without getting stung, so added ‘escaped from wasps’ to the day’s exploits.
Next was a peek around Hartfield, the area Milne and his family called home.
They lived in Cotchford Farm, which houses a statue of Christopher Robin and a sun dial with Pooh characters carved round the base.
But this is a privately-owned home with lots of stern-looking signs at the bottom of the road, meaning you can’t get a glimpse of it let alone its famous inhabitants.
The final and best stop on our adventure was the pretty walk to the poohsticks bridge.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
After more hill starts, false turns, and driving through a fjord of all things, we found the holy grail – the Pooh car park, near Chuck Hatch.
The lack of signage to all the key Pooh sights was confusing and frustrating but, I suppose, ultimately all the more satisfying when we did find them.
From Pooh car park it was boots on for the nicest walk of all.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
We wandered down a hill, past Owl’s house and Eeyore’s home before reaching the Poohsticks bridge.
Unsurprisingly busy, and unsurprisingly clogged with sticks, twigs and – by some over-enthusiastic poohstickers – logs, the area was nice to see.
However, it has lost some of its magic thanks to all the crowds.
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
Better to play poohsticks on your own favourite bridge, I’d say.
Further up was Pooh’s house – a brass door set into the base of a tree.
And on the way back, I spotted Piglet’s house with its little red door.
Then it was time to say goodbye and make our way home.
‘But, of course, it isn’t really Good-bye, because the Forest will always be there…and anybody who is Friendly with Bears can find it.’
(Picture: Yvette Caster)
Where to stay
I stayed at Ashdown Park Hotel in Ashdown Forest – about 15 minutes’ drive from Pooh car park, Hartfield or Piglet’s car park.
The hotel has attractive grounds, a helipad, golf course and spa with a large pool.
The decor has a conservative but comfortable feel to it while the dinner options, such as salmon, crab, chateaubriand and lamb were equally traditional.
The staff were pleasant and helpful, especially the concierge who helped us plan our Winnie the Pooh trail.
Rooms cost from £159 for a deluxe room or £179 with breakfast, which was an extensive mix of cereal, fruit, cooked and continental with Pooh’s favourite – honey.
Christopher Robin is out in cinemas now. All quotes from Winnie-the-Pooh / The House At Pooh Corner by A. A. Milne.
Charlotte and her dad (Picture: Charlotte Underwood)
It sounds strange to say that there were positives that came from my father’s death.
This is in no way me saying his death was a good thing – I miss him every day – but I’m making the best possible tribute to my daddy.
After I published my first book, After Suicide, which spoke about the events surrounding my father’s suicide and my recovery, I received a message from a stranger on Twitter.
He told me that he had read my book and because of it, his children still have a father and his wife still has a husband.
This was a reward greater than any other, I’d prevented a family from going through the pain that mine had suffered.
I had saved a life.
I myself had struggled with mental health issues prior to my dad’s death and he was always the one to save me, holding me after my suicide attempts.
The fact that my wonderful, brave, talented and witty father could fall victim to mental illness himself was devastating.
His death became an event that led to a new life for me.
I ignored the voices that told me to move on and instead I tried to learn how to live without him, while remembering and treasuring his legacy.
I reflected on the lessons he taught me.
I became a better person.
But most importantly, thanks to my dad I learned that while you can’t change the world by yourself, you can still make a change in it.
He told me that he had read my book and because of it, his children still have a father and his wife still has a husband.
He often told me, ‘you don’t need to agree with what a person does but they still deserve to be helped.’
And it reminded me that we have the power to do good at any time.
I started writing because I knew it would help, and because it’s what I love; that alone has made a huge difference in my life.
I’d like to believe I’ve captured something rare, a real view into watching a family member pass from something that you never considered a possibility.
A reminder of how unpredictable life is and how we should always be there for our loved ones.
During a charity ball that I organised, and where we raised £1,800 for my local Mind group, I stood in front of the crowd and told them that I was suicidal.
I told them about my father’s suicide.
The events after a suicide are not something that anyone wants to experience, but there is hope and life after losing someone.
By being open, especially among other survivors, I hope that our community became a little more aware of mental health.
Soon, I’ll be going to university where I want to further advocate the importance of support for people with mental health issues.
My books, my poetry and my blog are all in memory of my dad; each time I write, I tell someone that they are not alone and hopefully, my words give a friend to a person in need.
The feeling I got from that reader’s message is something I can’t explain – I felt like I had made a difference.
I hope that his family is still fighting strong and that he knows he deserves every beautiful memory to come.
I think the candidness of it all is what has helped people in similar situations most, it’s relatable and human.
I’ll leave you with this.
Terrible things have happened in this world, probably in your life and they will continue to happen.
How you let them define you, that’s up to you.
Need support? Contact the Samaritans
For emotional support you can call the Samaritans 24-hour helpline on 116 123, email jo@samaritans.org, visit a Samaritans branch in person or go to the Samaritans website.
Everything from the way their products are advertised to stimulate hunger and cravings, to the positive mouth-feel that accompanies the comforting taste of salt, fat and sugar, is engineered to get customers through the door and have them coming back over and over again.
The use of colour in signs and logos is no different.
Think of all the fast food brands that have the colour yellow in their signs.
The golden arches of McDonald’s.
The yellow burger buns sandwiching the red logo of Burger King.
The comforting yellow squares on a blue background that indicate Greggs.
The yellow line on the Pizza Hut sign.
Most people decide whether or not to buy something in just 90 seconds and between 62% to 90% unconsciously make this choice solely based on colour.
Colour is an undeniably important factor when it comes to marketing, so it makes sense that brands manipulate their use of shades in order to entice as many customers as possible to buy their products.
But why yellow?
Yellow reinforces feelings of comfort and reliability.
Fast food is quick, comforting and predictable. You always know what you’re getting in a McDonald’s or Burger King.
A Greggs sausage roll is just as delicious whether you have it in Brighton or Newcastle.
And this colour is most commonly associated with contentment and warmth, so just spotting a recognisable yellow fast food sign can generate feelings of happiness and well-being.
It’s also an eye-catching colour that stands out from the crowd – just like red, which means that the marketeer minds behind the McDonald’s and Burger King red and yellow signs are truly geniuses.
Consumers just can’t miss them.
‘Marketing is about connecting with people emotionally; creating stories, tapping into their hopes, dreams and insecurities,’ says Nikki Hesford, a marketing adviser and founder of the Business Academy.
‘Colour plays a leading role in that, due to how people subconsciously process them. Whether we are aware of it or not, colours have connotations and we make immediate judgements based on that.
‘If you choose colours that are inconsistent with your message, you risk confusing your audience and weakening your brand.
‘For example, if you are a health food business you would want to select choices that reinforce your message such as green shades and earthy colours.’
Think about hazard signs, taxi lights, double yellow lines on roads, stop signs: they’re all either red or yellow.
The colour red makes customers hungry and impulsive (or ready to buy) while yellow keeps consumers happy and comforted.
Marketers call the repetitive use of red and yellow the ‘ketchup and mustard’ theory.
We assume it’s no coincidence that the theory is named after delicious condiments that go with burgers, hot dogs, fries and nuggets.
Just thinking about this is making us hungry.
Can anyone direct us to the nearest burger joint, please?
