Nine babies are stillborn in the UK everyday, which means that everyday there are at the very least nine parents deciding whether or not they want to see their stillborn baby.

Surely it’s a given. What kind of a mother would choose not to see her child?

Me. I chose not to.

Before the midwives even broached the idea of seeing our baby, my husband knew that he would. I was relieved. Aroha deserved to be seen. I on the other hand, spent the next few days in a state of conflict.

I was torn between my instincts, the worry of not doing right by him and the fear of regret. My instincts told me that his body wasn’t him, that he had gone a long time ago and spending time with his body would be a traumatising and unhelpful experience.

We asked the midwives to take photos and prints of his hands and feet. Something for us to take home to prove that he was real.

But in the weeks after we lost Aroha a frenzied panic set in and I found myself frantically Googling in search of something; an article, a forum comment, anything from a mother who too had decided not to see and hold her baby.

I couldn’t find a single one. I was, it seemed, truly alone in my decision and the feeling of having failed as a mother in the only moments it mattered flooded in.

I am no less of a mother for it. He is no less real to me. I know he existed. I pushed him out of my body.

Every doctor, my bereavement midwife and every baby loss website told me that it is completely natural to want to spend time talking to, touching, cuddling and creating memories with him.

That it would satisfy my maternal instincts to provide ongoing care to my baby. That being together as a family was important and that if I didn’t grab this fleeting and very final opportunity for contact, I would live to regret it.

Studies have contradicting results as to whether seeing her child benefits the mother with some evidence pointing towards increased levels of maternal depression and post traumatic stress in mothers who held their child despite an initial sense of gratification, while other research and every first-hand account I have heard, indicates that mothers who spend time with their child greatly value this time and are left with the sense that their child mattered.

All this says to me is that child loss is an intensely personal experience and each parent has different needs when it comes to mourning. I have not once regretted not seeing his body and ultimately what I came to understand is that the only thing that made me feel as though I had made the ‘wrong’ decision was failing to find anyone who had chosen to do the same.

I am no less of a mother for it. He is no less real to me. I know he existed. I pushed him out of my body.

What all bereaved parents need to know is that there is no one way to deal with this kind of loss, no wrong decision. Whether we chose to see them, how long we held them for or whether they died in utero, in every case the depth of love we hold for our children is undeniable and eternal.

Will we forget them if we don’t have a picture of them on our mantelpiece? Of course not. It’s not possible to forget one who has grown inside of you.

To love our lost children is to grieve them and I chose to fiercely protect those last impressions I have of my baby. The feeling of him wriggling, the stubborn kicking in my stomach, somersaulting away whenever I ate grapes.

The feeling of immense joy and pride that would wash over me whenever he made himself known. I owe it to him to remember him like this. I owe it to myself.

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Welcome to You Don’t Look Sick – our new weekly series about invisible illness and disabilities.

There are 13.9 million disabled people in the UK, but for many of them, you would have no idea anything is wrong.

Lots of people suffer from debilitating symptoms and daily struggles but when they are out in public, they are challenged when they use priority seats or disabled parking.

They’re told ‘but you don’t look sick’ because they don’t use a wheelchair or something people associate with disability.

This series is a look at what it’s really like to live with a disability or illness that no one can see, discussing the symptoms that affect their lives every day and how they are treated when they are out in public.

Amelia Ayres, 24, from Plymouth, has relapsing, remitting, multiple sclerosis.

Multiple sclerosis (MS) is a condition that can affect the brain and/or spinal cord, causing a wide range of potential symptoms, including problems with vision, arm or leg movement, sensation or balance.

It is an autoimmune condition which means that something has gone wrong and the body starts to attack the brain and the spinal cord.

It’s a lifelong condition that can sometimes cause serious disability, although it can occasionally be mild.

Although some days, Amelia is barely able to move out of bed, she is often challenged when she is out and has been asked to move from priority seats on the train or challenged over using a disabled parking space because she doesn’t ‘look’ disabled.

She explains: ‘I look ‘normal’ and find it incredibly frustrating that nobody can see my symptoms.

‘In November, I was sat in a disabled seat on a train when a tall man looked at me and said “I need you to move so I can sit there as I have long legs.”

‘My mum looked at the man and said “there’s a disabled sign, my daughter has MS and is disabled” and he walked away tutting.

‘After that I got my MS card out and put it on the table in case anyone else questioned my right to sit there. I was so angry.

‘I’ve had my provisional license taken away (due to the medication I started out on), so my mum drives me and we use my blue badge. Nearly every time we go to the supermarket people will look questioningly at me because I look ‘fine’. The same happens when I use a disabled toilet with my radar key.’

Amelia was diagnosed in 2014, after almost a year of experiencing symptoms and she has developed Trigeminal Neuralgia (facial nerve pain) and Graves’ Disease (a thyroid disorder) as a result of treatment.

She explains: ‘In March 2013 I started getting really severe headaches. My family thought I wasn’t drinking enough water and the GP was trying to rule out sinus trouble.

‘In November 2013, I was sent for an MRI – we had to wait until the following January 2014 for the results.

‘The doctor said I needed to see him straight away as he’d found something on my brain. I was so nervous, I thought it was going to be a brain tumour.

‘When I saw the doctor he said ‘We’ve found lesions on your brain. I think you have something called MS’.

‘I didn’t know what that was. He explained a little bit, what it means etc. and said I needed to see a neurologist. At the time I didn’t know what to ask as I was shocked.’

A week later, Amelia saw a neurologist and was told she needed to start treatment immediately.

She explains: ‘He said: “I’d advise you nip home and get some things as I don’t know how long you’ll be in hospital for.” That was in January, 2014. I was 19-years-old.

‘I was in hospital for a week doing tests and I had another MRI on my brain and spine, a lumbar puncture (a procedure in which a hollow needle is inserted between the bones of the lower back and into the fluid around the spinal cord) and an electrical test. This was like something out of Saw film, I had wires attached to my head and a thread really close to my eyes.

‘The neurologist said he wanted to give me an aggressive form of chemo as the MS had done a lot of damage – the only question I asked was ‘will I lose my hair?’ The answer was luckily no.

‘My mum wanted me to think about it, but I said yes straight away so I couldn’t change my mind.’

Chemotherapy is used in people with MS, as the immune system attacks the myelin sheath around the nerves of the central nervous system.

Chemotherapy drugs are used to kill white blood cells, which are part of this attack. This may slow down or stop disease activity in MS.

After she was released, Amelia struggled to cope with her symptoms and had to give up her job as a PA.

Now, five years on from her diagnosis, she has come to terms with her condition but admits that there are still times when she really struggles.

She said: ‘On a bad day I can’t do anything. All I can do is stay in bed or push myself to go downstairs and lay on the sofa.

‘I really struggle with extreme fatigue and on days when it’s at its worse I don’t have any energy.

‘I can’t seem to shift a cloud of ‘brain fog’ – I find it near-but impossible to digest a lengthy email as I simply can’t get my thoughts in order.

‘MS can trick me into thinking I feel OK. I’ll start walking and after only 10 minutes I get a horrendous pain in my legs.

‘My calves feel so heavy (like tree trunks) and I feel like I’m in quicksand. I’ll be in excruciating pain as if there’s shards of glass digging into my legs.

‘I had to stop wearing heels pretty soon after my diagnosis, but put some on for a friend’s engagement party recently.

‘I quickly released it was a mistake as my legs started to hurt and my friend had to find me a chair to sit on.

‘I try to look beyond mobility issues, but my walking has got worse and my biggest fear is that I will end up in a wheelchair.

‘When I go to bed my legs want to move. ‘Restless legs’ is really common with MS and all I can do is wait for it to pass.

‘I find I often get sensory overload and every noise seems to be amplified. Whether I’m out in public or sat in front of the TV people’s voices are deafening and lights feel too bright.

‘When this happens I start to wish I could escape to a desert island, instead I have to make do with sitting in the dark with the TV on low. I do what I can to embrace quiet.’

The change in her lifestyle over the last few years has been something Amelia has found difficult.

‘I’m fed up of feeling like this, it’s so irritating. At 24 years old I want to be normal. I wish that I could go back to work. I miss it so much – the responsibility and getting up and doing something with my day,’ she adds.

When she does feel well, she tries to embrace life and pushes herself as much as she can.

She says: ‘Good days are few and far between, but if I can get up and go for a short walk with my mum and sister around the park I see that as a win.

‘It’s incredible to have a couple of hours symptom-free. The problem is, when I feel like that I tend to jinx myself and then feel worse than ever after.

‘When I’m feeling OK, I don’t take being able to go out for granted. Having the energy to jump on the bus for a short journey and see a friend for a coffee is a bonus.

‘Living with MS means I’m continually having to pace myself and there’s no way of preparing yourself for the daily hurdles it throws at you; I’ve woken up with a burning pain in my eye which lasted for a week, to recently not being able to cross my fingers on my right hand for a few hours.

‘I do, however, like to set myself challenges. At the minute I can barely walk a mile without doubling over in pain, but on 13 March I’m determined to do the nine mile climb up (and down) Mount Snowdon to raise money for MS Society.

‘It’ll be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but not only is it for charity, but for my Dad’s 50th birthday. I absolutely can’t give up.’

Amelia has faced mental challenges because of her condition as well as physical ones but as she is unable to go out much, the internet has been a great source of report.

She says: ‘Not working has meant I spend more and more time alone. Research by the MS Society has found this isn’t unusual as 60% of people with MS feel lonely because of their condition.

‘I have felt isolation and, as a result, in July 2018 I set up a Facebook group called MS UK for people with MS, people awaiting diagnosis and family members affected by the condition.

‘I love administering the group and there’s already more than 2.6k members signed up. Since starting working with MS UK I definitely feel less lonely and really hope I can organise group meetings in the future.’

Amelia adds that one of the biggest challenges is the perceptions people have of her as she looks young and healthy.

‘I was recently involved with The MS Connection; an exhibition with the MS Society and Mumford and Sons bassist Ted Dwane which explores the impact of loneliness and isolation on people living with MS.

‘A friend of mine saw I was involved and actually said she didn’t realise MS was such a “big deal”.

‘She thought when I said I couldn’t meet up that I was making excuses and until she’d heard me talk about the condition thought I couldn’t be bothered to work.

‘People have said they didn’t realise how badly MS has affected me and that it can be such a debilitating condition.

‘I’m not one to start an argument, but if someone questions me I’m happy to tell them I’ve got MS. Just because many symptoms are invisible, it doesn’t mean someone isn’t struggling.

‘I wish people weren’t so ignorant. If they were more open minded they would start to understand that some disabilities mean you have invisible symptoms.’

You Don’t Look Sick is a weekly series telling the stories of people with invisible illness and disabilities. Next week, we speak to Katie who has chronic myeloid leukemia. 

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‘Urgently needed – rugs.’ That was the message that started everything.

I was shopping online for second-hand furniture and came across this Wanted Ad from a woman asking for rugs to cover her broken floor so her children wouldn’t hurt their feet.

She was a single mum who had fled a horrible domestic situation and was starting all over again with nothing. I wanted to help her, and was sure others would too, so I spread the word among my friends and family.

Donations of bedding, toys and furniture started trickling in. I delivered them all to her one afternoon – she was in tears, not because of the things I was giving her, but because in that moment she realised she wasn’t alone.

I will never forget how that felt. I drove home on a high. It was only later that I learnt the science behind why I felt that way – kindness actually changes our brain chemistry and gives us a natural high.

I wanted to do more. I wanted to do this every week. That’s when I decided to start a Facebook page called 52 Lives to enable my friends and family to help people.

Each week, we choose someone in need of help, share their story, request what they need, and our supporters offer help. It’s based on the premise that people are good, that kindness in innate and that, when given the chance, people will help one another.

Initially I had some mixed reactions. Some people thought the idea was wonderful, others found it odd and a bit confronting. I never used to think kindness could be confronting but over the years I’ve learnt that it can make people uncomfortable.

I also had the inevitable question of ‘how do you know these people you help are genuine?’ (We do vet people, if you’re wondering the same thing!) But I loved what I was doing, and felt a surge of excitement at the start of every week.

As word started to spread, strange names and faces were popping up on the Facebook page – people I didn’t know wanted to get involved. It was so encouraging to see people I’d never met wanting to help.

Random acts of kindness, paying it forward, helping your neighbor – these are not new concepts but people often find them hard to reconcile with the busyness of their day-to-day lives.

Over the years, we have changed people’s lives in so many weird and wonderful ways – from buying teeth for a man who had none to redecorating the bedroom of a little girl who has lost her mum and helping a homeless mother and son off the street.

We give people tangible help, but I now know it’s never the money we raise or the things we give people that make the difference – it’s the kindness we show.

A nine year old boy called Ben, who we helped last year, is a perfect example of that. Ben is cross-eyed and has autism, and was being severely bullied at school.

One day, he came home with a handprint on his face. He finally opened up to his mum who decided to take him out of school. While it was the best for Ben to be home-schooled, he has no friends and has extreme anxiety.

At home, he was sleeping in a single bed with two of his siblings and the carpet needed replacing – his anxiety can lead to Ben wetting himself and the carpet had become stained – but the family live on an incredibly low income.

In one week, we raised almost £5,000 and bought new beds, bedding, carpet, Christmas presents and a mini break. But the most important thing we did was to show Ben that he wasn’t alone.

I believe it’s that human connection that changes lives, not just of the person receiving, but also of the person giving.

Kindness changes all of us. It improves our mental health and well-being, and ultimately determines what kind of life we have, and what kind of world we live in.

If we want to live in a kind world, we need to be kind ourselves. Starting now.

52 Lives is supported by Gala Bingo. To find out more, please visit 52-lives.org

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Valentine’s Day has passed but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t indulge in romantic activities with your lover (or by yourself).

Like, for instance, decorating your very own porcelain dildo.

Artist and British designer Adele Brydges, is hosting a workshop on 17 March where you can adorn a bespoke dick.

Each guest will have access to an array of decorations including ‘enamel prints and decals’ in designs described on the site as ‘erotic poetry and prose, intimate dedications, flora and fauna, collage, kitsch and kink’.

The dildos are hollow inside; after finishing your masterpiece, you can fill it up for a ‘hot and cold’ play session.

Open to both couples and singles, the workshop will be hosted in Adele’s studio in east London, where you can also view or buy her designs such as eye-catching, hand-crafted dildos (of course), hypoallergenic plugs, massage tools and harnesses.

Adele also makes ‘body adornment’ including collars and necklaces, as well as a less saucy limited-edition collection of homeware.

Unfortunately there are only six spots available for the next workshop, so if you’re keen on erecting your own phallus creation, you might want to hurry – especially given that the last event sold out.

The price, £120, includes the half-day workshop, a glass of bubbly, hot drinks and treats.

You will of course also get a brand new toy; it will be enamel-fired and sent to you via post within two weeks.

Bring a date and bond over boners, or go by yourself.

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London Fashion Week is no longer just an event to showcase the latest trends – but is now used to highlight important issues.

In addition to the usual calls for fashion brands to stop using fur – where campaigners are often stood outside the main event space with a boombox blaring out horrific sounds of animals being tortured – this year has brought a new range of protests.

First, it was surrounding human rights with activists from Justice4Grenfell campaigning against the lack of progress in the Grenfell fire case by walking down the catwalk.

During day two of the bi-annual occasion, however, the message was one of body positivity.

Plus size models marched outside 180 The Strand, where some of the biggest shows are held, holding placards with notes such as ‘Fashion should empower us’, ‘Our beauty is immeasurable’ and ‘Fashion shouldn’t shame us’.

In an effort to further point out that women are more than their bodies, the protestors also wore t-shirts decorated with words such as ‘entrepreneur’, ‘visionary’, ‘art director’, ‘survivor’, ‘artist’, and more.

American actress Hayley Hasselhoff, 26, led the march, joined by models Felicity Hayward and Sonny Turner.

Hasselhoff, daughter of the famous Baywatch actor, also took part in similar campaigns last year at London Fashion Week and in protest of the Victoria’s Secret show for not using plus size models.

View this post on Instagram

Sometimes you have to challenge the system in order to make change. A protest for more trans inclusivity to kick off London Fashion Week with @wearetransmissions has been empowering. Visibility is important because it helps normalise trans and nb bodies and identities! Stop putting us on your mood boards and put us on your covers!

A post shared by Elijah Che (@elijahche) on Feb 15, 2019 at 11:28am PST

London Fashion Week has also come under fire for lack of trans inclusivity, with Elijah Che from the group Transmissions also creating headlines.

There are still three days left, and we can’t help but wonder what’s next.

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Wine connoisseurs rejoice – there’s a new experience that will make your taste buds tickle with joy.

After a day of sampling fermented grapes (also known as wine), you can now sleep inside a giant barrel.

The quirky hotel rooms can be found in Douro, Portugal, at the Quina da Pachecha estate.

Each 30-metre suite is a giant replica of of the barrels used in the 280-year-old estate, made from pine wood and designed by property owners Paulo Pereira and Maria do Céu Gonçalves.

Inside, the barrels feature comforts such as a walk-in shower, private toilet and wardrobe, as well as a large round bed and skylight window.

Your barrel is also fitted with air conditioning and WiFi.

Start your day with breakfast before exploring the 140-acre vineyard, which has been running for 116 years, and indulging in wine a plenty.

The vineyard’s bottles are stored in a nearby 18th century house, with red, white and rosé, as well as port available.

The experience includes samples of locally made jam and olive oil. For dinner, head up to the house and visit the restaurant or take a peek inside one of the 15 wine-making rooms.

‘Quinta da Pacheca created the wine barrels as a bold architectural project of suites to reinforce the originality of the wine tourism offered at the site,’ said a representative from the estate.

‘In an idyllic and romantic setting, these wine barrel rooms will provide visitors a unique experience of the nature and significance of the Douro wine region.’

For those who don’t fancy the barrels but would still like to go wine tasting, there are also normal hotel rooms in the main house.

The barrels a tad on the pricey side and cost £219 per night.

Then again, you get to realise every wine lover’s dream, so it might just be worth it.

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From high fashion to high tea, a luxurious afternoon tea experience has launched in time for London Fashion Week.

In celebration of the ‘Christian Dior: Designer of Dreams’ exhibition at the Victoria & Albert museum, the Berkeley Hotel in Knightsbridge has launched its very own fashionable affair, dubbed Prêt-à-Portea: The Dior Couture Collection.

The menu features yummy ‘biscuits, bakes and fancies’ inspired by the French designer’s haute couture and fragrance line.

Essentially, it’s fashion in food format.

Admire the craftmanship of treats such as miniature edible replicas of the ‘Junon Dress worn by Theo Graham at Le Pré Catalan in Paris 1949’ and the tailored Bar Jacket, part of the brand’s 1947 ‘New Look’ collection.

Other scrumptious delights include white velvet chocolate mousse and red velvet cake, in the form of the 1995 Lady Dior handbag. The original was gifted to the late Princess Diana by the then first lady of France, Bernadette Chirac.

You can also munch on a Miss Dior perfume bottle and take Instagram snaps of the Dior coffee art on your cappuccino.

There’s loose leaf tea too, as well as savoury snacks such as skewers, tea sandwiches and canapés.

The experience is available every day from 1pm to 5.30pm and costs £58 per person. You can also add a glass of Laurent Perrier champagne for an extra tenner.

Channel your inner fashionista and do afternoon tea the haute couture way – Christian would surely approve.

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Being a cat isn’t easy.

You have to deal with annoying humans who just want to pet you all the time, find a good place to nap for most of the day and cough up furballs on a regular basis.

A particular cat, known as Dine The Son on Instagram, has an even worse issue – the furry feline has gone viral because of his drinking problem.

Owner Maddie Joel posted a video on Twitter of the cat’s inability to drink water from the tap and captioned it: ‘My son is really bad at drinking water’.

He can be seen sticking his head underneath the stream and trying to ‘catch’ the water but promptly misses, over and over again.

And people are loving it – the post currently has 308,000 likes and 93,000 retweets.

He’s not the only cat with this problem; other users shared videos of their own cats attempting similar missions (and failing dramatically).

@MaddieJoel @tokyovlonee makes me laugh every time 🤣☺️ https://t.co/HOtD6i2jg1

—
krystina🎀 (@krystinnaa_) February 17, 2019

@MaddieJoel @garbage_ch4n Good cats https://t.co/q5qtQQ8hYN

—
stevekb (@SteveKB) February 16, 2019

@MaddieJoel the perfect match <3 https://t.co/AQQqdJ4JFP

—
emily (@atshitshisalad) February 16, 2019

One user, Mereditch, offered words of encouragement and wrote ‘a lil practice is all it takes’.

She also shared a video of her ginger cat scooping water up with its paw, before finally reaching under the tap with its mouth and successfully drinking from it.

@MaddieJoel a lil bit of practice is all it takes https://t.co/tMU4oML3hO

—
Meredith (@mirthfulmere) February 17, 2019

Twitter user Sarah commented that her cat ‘took a year to master this’.

It’s a cat catastrophe that seems to be very common among the pets.

Dine The Son could be in for a difficult 2019.

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Constantly having nightmares can be very stressful on mental health.

It disrupts your sleep; your mind doesn’t get the rest it needs and you could wake up feeling down, tired or sleep-deprived, which in turn affects your day-to-day activity.

But why do these unhelpful dreams sneak their way into your head and are they a sign that something bigger is going on in your life?

It can be particularly difficult to deal with a barrage of nightmares if you aren’t aware of any mental health issues that you’re suffering, because you might not have tools to deal with these issues.

We find out what having consistent nightmares can be an indication of and how to manage them (so that you can finally get a good night’s rest).

What causes nightmares?

Nightmares usually occur during REM sleep – similar to dreams – and although they can be a sign of an underlying issue, they’re not always this complex.

According to WebMD, having a snack late at night can trigger nightmares as it boosts your metabolism and tells your brain to ‘be more active’. Taking medication or coming off medication can also stimulate nightmares, as can alcohol withdrawal.

You get less REM sleep when you drink, and although it may seem tempting to have a nightcap, reduced REM sleep also means your mind’s ability to process dreams is impaired – so you might not be able to deal with what you’re dreaming about.

Interestingly, sleep-deprivation in itself can also lead to nightmares, meaning you’re effectively stuck in a loop of bad sleep.

A study from 2016, which measured the role of insomnia, nightmares and chronotype (essentially your biological clock) in relation to mental illness revealed that 8% to 18% of the population is ‘dissatisfied’ with their quality of sleep, and between 6% to 10% suffer with some form of insomnia disorder.

The same study showed that a disruption in sleep patterns ‘commonly presents prior to acute psychiatric difficulties’, such as a manic episode, paranoia or ‘transition to major depression’.

Lola, 21, is currently going through a phase of sleep disruption – she’s only sleeping a few hours per night and when she does, her sleep frequently consists of nightmares.

‘After every night’s sleep, I wake up and remember the wholly vivid nightmares I’ve just had’, she tells Metro.co.uk.

‘They vary from being a mash-up of several short intertwined dreams about people, some good that I don’t want to wake up from, but mostly horrible ones.

‘Sometimes they involve people from my life, sometimes faceless figures, which makes it even more creepy. Mostly I will wake up intermittently throughout the night.

‘I’ve had dreams of my teeth crumbling out of my mouth and anxiety nightmares, where I spend the entire time feeling anxious within the dream.

‘When I wake up, I’m worn out and extremely tired, which makes me not want to get out of bed – it’s paralysing. I’ve pretty much had nightmares my whole life, but they never used to be as frequent as they are now. They definitely happen more when I’m stressed or anxious, but I’ve never spoken to anyone about them because I’m so used to it.’

When should you seek help for your nightmares?

Just like mental health problems are very individual, so are nightmares, and having the occasional one doesn’t automatically mean you also have a mental health problem.

Therapist Sally Baker tells Metro.co.uk it’s how these affect you that could be a sign of something troubling underneath the surface.

‘Occasional nightmares are completely normal and many people experience them,’ she said.

‘It is how you feel about having those nightmares and the judgements you make about them that indicates how you are feeling about yourself and can give you insights into whether you are feeling emotionally balanced and okay, or may need to seek professional help.

‘Dreams and nightmares are one of the ways the sub-conscious mind processes emotional challenges, so recurring nightmares can be a clue that your mind is struggling to cope with real life negative emotions or events.

‘The nightmares may even vary with different narratives but if they engender the same feelings on waking from them such as heightened anxiety or feeling of dread you are definitely struggling to process.’

How can you deal with constant nightmares?

Hayley, 30, has suffered from night terrors for years and tells Metro.co.uk these are similar to nightmares, but completely ‘take over’ her mind.

‘It’s hard to deal with them, as I’m not sure when they will happen,’ she said.

‘I can go for nights without anything and then bam, suddenly I’m screaming in my sleep. The main difference between nightmares and night terrors is that night terrors completely take over. I also remember them a lot more vividly than nightmares.

‘They’re always the same – someone is trying to kill me.

‘Counselling helps and communicating what happens in my night terrors helps too, as it allows me to process and understand what’s happening in my head.

‘For example, whenever they happen, it’s always in the flat I lived in with my mum and I have a lot of negative emotions and memories in that place that I’ve never addressed.

‘The night terrors have actually allowed me to understand this and address these fears directly.

‘I often find if I’m relaxed or I’ve done a workout in the evening, this will rest my mind but ironically, my night terrors seem to be worse when things are going great – it’s a cruel twist.’

Sally also recommends speaking with a therapist about your nightmares, especially if you experience persistent after effects or if they’re anxiety-inducing.

‘If you are left with heightened anxiety or depression after recurrent nightmares, you can work with a therapist to resolve the negative emotions even when you are not sure what is bothering you,’ she said.

‘Be your own detective and focus on the feelings you’re left with, not the storyline of your nightmares as that will be more helpful in finding out what is at the root of your scary or disturbing dreams.

‘Also ask yourself what you may have been ignoring in your life or overlooking.

‘Your intuition or your gut reactions are always on your side and are your best friend, so ask yourself what have you been overriding in your life that in your heart of hearts you’re not really sure about.’

Having singular nightmares are usually not a sign of mental health problems.

But if you’re having trouble falling asleep or staying asleep and suffering from nightmares or even night terrors, it’s worthwhile speaking to a medical or mental health professional about it.

Don’t ignore your sub-conscious mind – it can be just as telling as your conscious one.

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It’s been 22 years since I hit the headlines for becoming the first girl in Britain to own a Barbie doll in a wheelchair.

As a child, I hated my wheelchair. To me, it was a symbol of inability and difference when I just wanted to be like my friends at mainstream school. My parents were desperate to find anything that convinced me that a wheelchair was anything but my preconceived ideas of it.

The shelves have been clear of largely manufactured disability representation since Mattel’s ‘Share a Smile Becky’ doll was released in 1997. Although only available in the US, my Mum sourced one from Toys R Us and Barbie’s new, wheelchair-using best friend arrived on my fifth birthday. Suddenly, my Barbie doll and my wheelchair were the talk of the playground and the national media. Becky made my wheelchair acceptable to me for the first time.

Although the doll sold out within the first two weeks of its release, it didn’t take long for Share a Smile Becky to be completely pulled from the shelves, after consumers realised that she didn’t fit inside Barbie’s dream house. Disability access ironically made the toy world inaccessible once again.

This week, Mattel has re-released a Barbie in a wheelchair and she has been welcomed with opened arms. This time, she isn’t a spin off; she’s actual Barbie, in a modern, active wheelchair, and she brings with her, a friend with a prosthetic leg. They are part of a new fashionista range, which sees Barbie take on new shapes, sizes, skin tones and disabilities to create a more realistic and diverse image.

Although I know that Barbie isn’t the top of everyone’s birthday list, as she once was, I know from online reaction that this Barbie is going to be a big hit. She’s the new representation of what modern day disability can look like.

It can be active, it can be stylish, and it can be independent; it doesn’t have to be big, heavy wheelchairs or a lifetime of being pushed around. Her redesign has her showing off a blue and chrome, self propelled, low backed, sporty wheelchair, making her fashionable and desirable, instead of resembling something from the dark ages.

With the London 2012 Paralympic legacy slowly fading, and children that play with dolls being younger than my first gold medals, disability is getting harder and harder to see.

At five years old, I had never met another person in a wheelchair, or anyone else with a disability.  I felt completely different and alone until my ‘Share a Smile Becky’ arrived and proved to me that I am not the only person in the world with unique difficulties.

I would hate to think that any child feels that way now and I hope that Mattel’s newest creation can prove to every child, that they are not so different. I hope to see wheelchair users and those with other disabilities being accepted into new friendships groups at school, I hope the new toy encourages a drop in disability related bullying and most of all, I hope that Barbie encourages a new level of confidence and creativity in people with a disability.

For many, Barbie’s wheelchair will be the first they see in their lifetime. I pass so many children that point at me and ask ‘why is that lady in a pushchair’ or ‘why does that lady walk funny’? Barbie’s recreation could be the end of that and be the first lesson towards acceptance and accessibility in society, as younger children are exposed to something ‘different’ earlier in life. If this happens at an early age, it could go a long way to ending prejudice and stereotypes later in life, and hopefully see a reduction in disability exclusion.

Its great to see Barbie evolving to better replicate the world that children live in. Let’s hope this Barbie stays on the shelves, as I’ll be first in line to buy one!

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Female friendships are beautiful, vital and infinitely complicated.

And on the scale of friendships, some are more important than others. Right at the top of the scale is the ‘best friend’.

Your ride or die. The one you can call crying at 2 am because you’re drunk and lost, the one who will help you move house without complaining, the one who will let you hibernate in her bed after a heartbreak.

But despite the concept of BFFs (best friends forever) these ‘best’ friendships don’t actually tend to last a lifetime.

In fact, new research conducted by The Everyone Book has found that the average woman has six best friends over their lifetime.

The figures also found that female friendships have an average lifespan of 16 years. While that isn’t exactly forever, it is pretty good going, and far longer than the average romantic relationship of 10 years.

Friendships beat romantic relationships in other ways as well, with one in ten women admitting that they have more fun with their best friend than with their significant other, and 47% of women wishing they could spend more time with their bezzie.

One in four women also acknowledged that their best friend knows them better than their romantic partner.

So does six best friends sound about right? When you take into account school, university, and starting different jobs, it does seem to make sense.

The best friendships slot into the circumstances of our lives perfectly, and when we have major changes – be that moving cities, changing jobs or leaving university – those friendships often fizzle or become less significant.

But the friendships that do survive the life upheavals are the truly special ones, the ones really worth preserving.

If you have friends that you have remained close to despite the changes life throws at you both, then it is pretty likely that they will fall into the ‘best friend’ category.

As we get older and we are burdened with more responsibilities it can feel harder to maintain significant friendships. Women spend 67% more time improving their romantic relationships compared to their friendships.

But the figures are also encouraging – women over 55 have an average friendship length of 23 years – so it seems that it is something we get better at with age.

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As a parent of a deaf child, the data published by the National Deaf Children’s Society about the gap in achievement between deaf and hearing children makes for heartbreaking reading.

Deafness is not a learning disability, so these figures represent a terrible waste of potential.

Since 2006 all newborn babies have been screened for hearing loss so that early intervention can reduce the likelihood of them falling behind. Additionally, the government’s Special Educational Needs and Disabilities (SEND) reforms of 2014 should have ensured that deaf children achieve the ‘best possible outcomes’.

Because of that it’s completely unacceptable that after all this time deaf children are still achieving a whole grade less than their hearing peers at GCSE and falling behind at every other level of school as well.

When you learn your child is deaf, one of the biggest fears is about how this will affect their education and opportunities in life. That fear never goes away.

Fortunately, our son Daniel is now almost 13 and working at the level he is expected to. He’s planning to go to university and then to become a specialist teacher of the deaf. He is incredibly conscientious but ultimately, having the right support has been the key to his achievement so far.

Many parents will identify with the struggles we have had over the years to get this support in place, and the constant vigilance needed to ensure it is consistently maintained and not chipped away each year.

The government must act urgently to fund a new generation of specialist teachers of the deaf. They are the single most important factor in supporting a deaf child in their education.

Over the years we have become determined and informed advocates for him, and sadly we have had to use formal complaints and refer to SEND law on too many occasions.

Fighting to get the right support is a challenge that parents of deaf children should not have to face, but unfortunately this is the lived experience of many parents across the UK. As local authorities scale down their services to balance the books, this sad reality is going to become more and more common.

Using Freedom of Information requests, the National Deaf Children’s Society has learned that over a third of councils in England are planning to make cuts to services for deaf children this year, taking away £4million worth of much-needed support. In my opinion, this is not because they are currently overspending.

Cutting services that are vital to the progress of deaf children is simply a consequence of underfunding, and I fear that even more children will become part of that ‘lost generation’ once these cuts kick in.

If this was not bad enough there is a declining number of specialist staff to support deaf children, particularly qualified teachers of the deaf. They play a crucial role in supporting deaf children, and local councils are either cutting back staff or struggling to recruit new teachers.

On top of this, a new report from the National Deaf Children’s Society reveals that the total number of specialist teachers for deaf children has fallen by 15 per cent since 2011 despite a rise in the number of deaf children.

So far, the government response to the NDCS data has been disappointing, predictably repeating the same quotes time and time again, with no action to resolve this crisis for parents like me, or the many deaf children who are feeling the effects each and every day. Families do not want to hear repeated soundbites but want to see urgent action to address this appalling waste of potential.

The government must act urgently to fund a new generation of specialist teachers of the deaf. They are the single most important factor in supporting a deaf child in their education.

Just as important is making sure local councils have the funding that they need so that specialist services are not cut back to the bone. This isn’t just specialist teachers, but vital teaching assistant support, family sign language classes, and helping to provide amazing new technology that can help deaf children reach their potential.

Yes, these things do require more money from government, however this should be seen not as a cost but an investment in the futures of deaf children. With the right support there is no ceiling on a deaf child’s achievement. To do nothing now would be an absolute travesty. As a parent of a deaf child, seeing that potential each and every day, I know that as a society we can’t afford for it to be squandered.

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The sumo squat is a really useful exercise that can help you tone your inner thighs and build on the power in your lower body.

If you’re bored of regular squats, or if you struggle with maintaining the best form, sumo squats could be the perfect alternative.

The wider stance engages the thighs, glutes, hamstrings and quads, for a really well-rounded, functional movement. And turning your knees outwards instead of forwards can help you sink lower to really work those muscles.

You can do it using just your body weight as resistance, or you can add kettle-bells, dumbbells or barbells for an extra challenge.

But before you move on to weighted sumo squats, you really have to nail the basics. With squats – perfect form is everything.

What is a sumo squat?

A squat is a simple lower-body exercise. It’s called a compound exercise because it activates more than one joint and muscle.

A sumo squat is a variation on a standard squat. It differs in two main ways – muscle emphasis and foot positioning.

When doing a sumo squat, the feet are in a wide stance with the toes turned out at a greater angle than during a regular squat.

This positioning shifts the muscle emphasis to focus on the inner thigh adductors, which move your legs in toward your body, and glutes.

How do you do a sumo squat?

Personal trainer Dean Coulson explains how to do a perfect sumo squat.

Start in a standing position

1) Toes are pointed outwards at around forty five degrees.

2) Feet are placed at around twice the distance outside of hip width.

3) With a slight bend at the knees, push your hips back whilst keeping your chest up and knees pointing out.

4) Keep lowering your hips until your thighs are parallel or even slightly below parallel to the ground.

At the bottom position

5) Shins are vertical at the bottom position.

6) Keep your hips low and shoulders high.

7) Drive through the heels as you stand up.

8) Keep your back straight and shoulders high.

‘The squat is a great lower body compound exercise and is one of the primal human movements,’ Dean tells Metro.co.uk.

‘The sumo squat variation places more emphasis on the the inner and outer thighs and glutes. While most of us don’t think about our inner and outer thighs all that much, no-one’s going to turn down a more impressive butt.

‘If you’ve never done a sumo squat before, it’s important to master the proper form for a standard squat before moving on to any variations, always get the foundations right first.

‘Once confident, start with body weight before progressing onto a more advanced version with weights.

‘It’s easy to get carried away, but if your body has muscle imbalances or poor movement patterns, adding weight too soon will compound as issues that can lead to injury. Get assessed before trying any new movement.

‘Using something like the the functional movement screen (FMS) is a great indicator to where you are to start with.’

What are the benefits of sumo squats?

As well as targeting different leg muscles than a regular squat, a sumo squat can also improve balance, stability and push your range of flexibility.

Sumo squats are also useful as a dynamic stretch. While you lower yourself and rise back up, your muscles contract and lengthen. This warms them up and reduces any tension, meaning you’ll have a lower risk of injury.

These squats are also really versatile. Adding weight to your sumo is really simple and can help in building more muscle and strength.

‘Our more sedentary lifestyle leaves us open to movement dysfunction and muscle imbalances,’ explains Dean.

‘Find somebody qualified to work with you to either give you the all clear or corrective exercises to improve the quality of your movement.

‘Mobility is key, especially at the hip and ankles. For example, poor ankle mobility will not allow a deep enough squat, raising the heels will help remove the problem until it is resolved.

‘When the body feels safe it will allow you to move in a better, more efficient, powerful range of motion.’

Sumo squat variations

‘While the body-weight sumo squat is a good place to start, once the basic movement is mastered you can increase the difficulty by holding dumbbells in either hand or a kettle-bell in both at a shoulder position or a barbell on your back,’ Dean tells us.

‘Remember, adding this extra difficulty should never compromise your movement pattern.

‘A few things to be aware of when using weights; always start by taking a breath. Hold it and brace, this creates stability in your lower back. More stability equals more strength.

‘Create tension in your body before you lower, squeeze the bar, feel every muscle, nothing should feel loose.

‘Always control the movement, lower slowly under control and then explode back to the start position as you exhale.’

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Last year mum Gabrielle Louise was delighted when her wee son Jeremiah was featured on Primark’s new baby range.

Representing the beauty of darker skin, Jeremiah – now 14 months old – went on to advertise for various other children’s clothing campaigns.

Recently he got to see the fruits of his labour, when he spotted a picture of himself at a Primark store. Though it took him a while to register that he was staring at a baby-faced version of himself.

Gabrielle told Metro.co.uk how important it was to see people, especially youngsters, with dark skin represented in big campaigns, because the beauty industry so often leaves them out.

Since his Primark shoot, Jeremiah has gone on to advertise for Rochelle Humes’ skincare company, a Pampers shoot, a skin and hair company, as well as fashion magazines.

His work isn’t just exclusive to the UK either, as a newly-opened American Primark used Jeremiah’s pictures in their Brooklyn store. So Jeremiah has now gone international.

And all by the mere age of 14 months.

‘It was very overwhelming seeing him in the Primark store for the first time, we were so proud and couldn’t believe our son was now the main model in a store and not just online,’ Gabrielle told Metro.co.uk.

‘We actually first saw him in a store in Brooklyn, New York, as someone sent us a picture via his Instagram page and then a few others sent us pictures from other stores around the UK.

‘We didn’t actually know it was going to be in stores as we had waited so long since the campaign went live so we thought it would just be online.

‘Jeremiah is only 14 months so I don’t think he was aware of the excitement we were all feeling, he did notice himself and started smiling and pointing which was cute.

‘Our family was very very happy! They have been telling all their friends as they are proud that they have a famous person in their family.’

Though Gabrielle, a talent manager, said she is grateful to God for being given the opportunity to let Jeremiah model for a major high street clothing line, she says she still has bigger dreams.

‘I think it would be good to work with more high-end products like Armani, or Hugo Boss,’ she said. ‘They have no representation of dark-skinned babies. It would also be good to work with baby companies like Mothercare, Aptamil or Tommee Tippee as they mainly use white babies.’

We’re sure we’ll be seeing Jeremiah in lots of other big things in the future.

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How many push-ups can you do? One? More than ten in a row?

According to a new study, the number of push-ups men can do in a row is worth more than just gym bragging rights, it could also indicate their risk of cardiovascular disease.

The study, published in JAMA Network Open, looked at 1104 male firefighters with an average age of 39.6 over 10 years, so the results are pretty niche in their relation to middle-aged men. But the findings could still be significant.

The experts found that those who could do more than 40 push-ups during a timed test were 96% less likely to have developed a cardiovascular problem compared to those who could do no more than 10 push-ups.

The men were told to do push-ups in time with a metronome set at 80 beats per minute until they “reached 80, missed 3 or more beats of the metronome, or stopped owing to exhaustion.”

The study found significantly lower rates of cardiovascular diseases and problems among men who could do more push-ups, compared with the lowest push-up capacity.

But if the thought of 40 consecutive push-ups sounds impossible, it’s not all bad news – there were still benefits found when the men could do more than 10 push-ups in one go.

Participants able to perform 11 or more push-ups also displayed a reduced risk of subsequent heart problems.

So maybe it’s time you really worked on perfecting your push-up technique.

The best thing about push-ups is that they require no equipment and you can do them practically anywhere.

But can getting really good at push-ups really be an effective way to protect your heart? it almost feels too simple to be true.

‘Using push-ups could be a no-cost and simple method to assess one’s functional capacity and predict future cardiovascular event risk,’ said report author Dr. Justin Yang in a statement.

‘For clinicians this is really important since a lot of tests vary in their results and are very expensive and time consuming. This can be done within a minute.’

The scientists to admit however that more research needs to be done to determine whether this test will work for women, people of different ages and different fitness levels.

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When you get married you need a whole posse to tend to your needs and deal with the problems that inevitably arise.

Bridesmaids and maids of honour especially might need to go above and beyond to ensure the bride’s happiness.

But a maid of honour who was unfortunately diagnosed with cancer was, understandably, unable to meet her bride’s demands.

The bride was less than understanding about her friend’s condition and even considered kicking out her out of the wedding.

In a now-deleted Facebook post, she wrote about wanting to replace the maid of honour with someone who wasn’t as ‘tired’ as her ill friend.

Trying to show some empathy, the soon-to-be-wed woman wrote that she had ‘no expectations’ of her mate, but still expected her to have more energy and participate in the festivities.

She asked for advice from her Facebook pals about whether to replace the friend or scrap the role altogether.

Naturally, no one was on the bride’s side.

She wrote: ‘Ladies, I think I need to get a new maid of honour but I want all your opinions first. She is a good friend of mine but she has cancer so there’s not much I expect her to do.

‘The first incident was the wedding festival, I bought her a ticket and everything but she didn’t go because she was tired (yet she’s not tired to go to concerts or wrestling matches with her other friends).

‘Secondly, she won’t help with anything, won’t pick up the dress, won’t help with opinions, and won’t go with me to find my dress.

‘I just feel like I either need to replace her or just not have a maid of honour or bridesmaid at all.’

She also complained that the cancer-stricken woman was unable to plan a hen party.

The commenters were less than forgiving towards the bride. One person wrote: ‘Every day thank your dumb good luck for your cancer-free body, you utter waste of skin and air.’

While others tried to explain what cancer is like: ‘Lots of people in these comments think chemo/radiotherapy is just a fun day trip to the hospital before you pop off to get your head shaved instead of it being one of the most physically, emotionally and mentally taxing things a human being can go through.’

Others commented that it is in moments of hardship when you realise who your real friends are.

The maid of honour, or soon to be ex-maid of honour, might just be realising that.

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Depression has been linked to various different conditions in the past such as dementia, arthritis, and acne.

The effects of depression such as erratic sleeping habits, loss of appetite, and constant fatigue can take their toll on the brain, so much so that it can accelerate the way it ages, according to new research.

As we grow older, our memory and thinking skills naturally decline but those who are depressed may be more susceptible to accelerated brain aging, said scientists at Yale University.

That means depressed individuals may be more prone to illnesses related to old age such as dementia.

Brain cells communicate by firing messages across connections called synapses. Generally, good cognition is linked to more and stronger synapses. With cognitive impairment, those junctions gradually shrink and die off.

Yale University scientists found that living patients with depression had a lower density of synapses than healthy people the same age.

And the fewer synapses you have, the more severe symptoms of depression you might exhibit, such as problems with attention and loss of interest in otherwise pleasurable activities.

Yale neuroscientist Irina Esterlis tested people of all ages including people too young to have any cognitive changes (that would be difficult to pick up without a brain scan)- on the theory that early damage can build up.

She looked at the brains of 20 people – half of whom were diagnosed with clinical depression and the other who were deemed healthy after completing a comprehensive psychiatric test.

She discovered that severely depressed individuals had brains which showed lower synaptic density.

Having a lower density of synapses has been associated with neurological disorders and it is said to be common in people between 74 and 90 years old.

Though her study is small, it has triggered scientists to look at the way the brain is impacted by depression.

Her team, as well as other researchers, also encouraged people to get treated for their depression rather than suffer in silence.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, chat to your GP or call Samaritans on 116 123.

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Are you in need of a new side hustle? Do you like cute dogs? Then we have good news for you.

New research commissioned by Rover has revealed that becoming a dog walker alongside another job can earn you an additional £9,200 per year.

You would have to be barking to miss out on that extra cash.

Side hustles are becoming more and more popular as people do everything they can to save for a wedding, a big holiday or a deposit for their first home. 40% of Brits now have a side hustle supplementing their regular income.

The current state of the economy, house prices and rental costs in the big cities mean that having an additional income is often the only way to get by.

But if you do have to take on extra work, surrounding yourself with gorgeous puppy pals certainly isn’t the worst way to do it. And if it happens to be surprisingly lucrative, that’s even better.

The findings suggest that dog walkers only need to book three walks a day over three days a week in order to reach the target of more than £9,000 per year.

So it could actually be feasible if you work from home or have flexible hours. And it will be brilliant for your daily step count.

With the average UK salary at £27,600, having a dog walking side hustle will increase annual income by one third. And with more than 8.9 million dogs in the UK you’re not exactly likely to be short on business.

‘With living costs constantly increasing, it’s no surprise that Brits are taking up side hustles to earn some extra cash,’ says Christopher Cederskog, European general manager at Rover.com.

‘The extra income that dog walking can provide can help parents, students, retirees or others paying off debts to save up for house projects, holidays or pick up extra hobbies.

‘What’s more it’s an enjoyable way of increasing your income and we look forward to welcoming more side sitters in the future as the trend takes hold.’

But it is worth checking with your local authorities to ensure they are in-line with local dog walking and sitting laws and regulations before signing up to become a dog walker.

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A woman who loves animals and Lord of the Rings in equal measure has combined the two by naming her 90 pets after characters from the fantasy fiction.

If you share your home with 90 pets, chances are you shall not pass pretty much anything without bumping into a few.

But animal lover Adri Rachelle doesn’t mind so much and even allows up to four of them to cosy up with her in her 10-foot wide bed.

Adri’s massive collection includes Bilbo Baggins the mule, Gandalf the goat, Frodo the spaniel and two cats named Boromir and Faramir.

But the 31-year-old dog sitter from Atlanta, USA, admitted she is now running out of Middle Earth names.

So far she has managed to name 80% of her pets after J.R.R Tolkien’s famed characters.

The impressive batch includes: 22 rescue pigs, 12 dogs, eight chickens, six cats, four parrots, four horses, four peacocks, four rats, three guinea pigs, two goats, two ducks, two cockatoos, four mini cows, two alpacas, two ferrets, two geckos, two lizards, a mule, a hamster, a rabbit, a tortoise, and a python.

‘I’ve always loved animals. I don’t think anyone is surprised that I’m living like this,’ said Adri who lives on a farm.

‘When I was a kid, my room was full of stuffed animals because I couldn’t get the real ones. Without fail, the pigs will join me in bed and usually, dogs and cats will come in too.

‘I have set up tree branches in the headboard so the birds can sleep near me too. I’ve taken naps with my rats before as well.’

Adri splashes out a whopping $10,000 (£7,740) a year on veterinary bills and food for her pets, including frozen mice for her snake and roaches, crickets and super worms for her reptiles.

She laid down another $10,000 to animal-proof her 11,000 square foot guest house so her pigs, birds and guinea pigs could live inside.

She has even rigged the home with cameras so she can always keep an eye on her beloved animals.

Adri has her feeding routine down to just 40 minutes a day and cleaning cages and enclosures take another half an hour.

She shares her animal-dominated life on YouTube and hopes to turn her home into a sanctuary so that she can take in even more animals.

‘I think for a normal person this would be a lot of work, a lot of noise and a lot of cleaning, but for me it is almost therapeutic,’ she added.

‘I get so much satisfaction from caring for my animals. I’m able to provide unwanted animals with a home.

‘This is my little piece of paradise.’

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There are plenty of difficult things about working in an office.

Going in when you’re hungover. Pretending to like people you can’t stand. Keeping your constant Whatsapping discreet. More stresses than you can count.

For some people, using the loo is one of those stresses. Specifically, pooing.

Pooing is a very personal thing. Some of us are too nervous to do it anywhere other than at home, while others can cheerfully do it in any public place.

But if you spend nine hours a day at work, five days a week, then there’s a good chance that at some point you’re going to have to do a number two there.

There’s no reason why pooing at work should be such a big deal. Weeing at work seems to be easy enough.It’s just a bodily function and we all do it.  But whether it’s the fear of smells or noises, something seems to hold people back.

A 2017 study by VIPoo found that  more than half of women, and 29% of men, are uncomfortable having a poo at work.

Angelina, 34, who works in finance told Metro.co.uk the her poo phobia is so bad that she’ll fake a sickie if she really needs to go, saying: ‘I absolutely cannot poo at work, even in the disabled loo which has doors without any gaps. If I needed to, I would go home. I think even if I tried I wouldn’t be able to do it.’

But the thing is, not pooing comes with consequences. According to Dr. Prudence Knight, who is an online GP at Push Doctor explains:’You can ignore your body’s signals that you need a poo.

‘Doing this from time to time shouldn’t cause a problem but if you do so regularly it can increase your chances of constipation.

‘If you persistently ignore the urge to have a poo, your rectum (poo storage area) can become stretched and ultimately you may stop feeling the need to poo, this particularly affects young children.

‘It is very treatable with laxatives and improved toileting habits but takes many months to reverse.’

But is worrying about having a public poo normal? Dr. Knight says yes, explaining: ‘It is normal and very common to feel a little anxious when using public toilets.

‘If this is to do with “doing the business” in earshot of others it may make you feel better to put some toilet paper in the bowl to reduce any noises and remember everyone else is there for the same reason as you.

‘If cleanliness is a concern you may want to wipe down the toilet seat. You can be reassured that no serious diseases are known to be spread by toilet seats.’

For some people a little reassurance is enough to make the poo anxiety go away. But for others it can represent a more chronic kind of anxiety, or be a displacement for other types of fear.

Dr. Knight says: ‘As with any anxiety, if your anxiety about using public toilets is affecting your quality of life it is a good idea to seek help.

‘Like many other specific anxieties, it is likely to respond well to modern therapeutic approaches like cognitive behavioural therapy.’

Modern Etiquette is a weekly series. Rather than telling you what to do with a salad crescent or which shoes are most appropriate for Ascot, we’ll be working out how to navigate shared houses, drugs, ex-boyfriends and that moment when you send the screenshot of the person you’re bitching about to them. 

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