I have never been a massive fan of music. As a kid, when all my idiotic friends were buying Haircut One Hundred LPs, I was listening to Pete and Dud’s filthy Dagenham Dialogues and learning Monty Python sketches off by heart.
Yes, maybe the lads with a Nick Heyward got all the girls at the time, but my perfect rendition of the Spanish Inquisition sketch would lead to me eventually getting off with Gwyneth Paltrow… Oh no, hold on, that was John Hannah in Sliding Doors.
Even if there are infinite alternate universes, nobody in any of them has ever got a woman into bed by doing a spot-on impression of Cardinal Biggles. ‘No one expects the… Read the full story