As I watched Lily Phillips awkwardly try to navigate a Newsnight interview with Victoria Derbyshire earlier this week, I steeled myself for what was to come.
I was under no illusion that this appearance – much like her well-publicised sex challenges – would be a controversial moment.
The 24-year-old announced that she watched porn for the first time aged 11, adding that, ‘It actually made me really sex confident and [helped me] learn a lot of things’.
I was shocked. Not by her accessing porn as a child, but by her flippancy – especially in linking porn as a sexual confidence booster for a pre-teen, and even calling her exposure to such material a ‘positive’.
The interview immediately caused a stir, with a poignant follow-up segment featuring sex worker Reed Amber and columnist Sara Ditum, who is known for her anti-porn views.
There’s a lot to unpack – and you’d expect someone who talks about sex as much as I do to have pretty strong opinions.
Firstly, I fully support any adult’s right to enjoy or make porn – so long as it is done safely and responsibly.
Secondly, I believe children deserve a comprehensive sex education, which includes learning about porn early on.
But digesting this knowledge in a classroom is very different to being exposed to pornography (which can often be extreme or inappropriate) via a phone or laptop when you are too young.
I was 13 when I first watched porn.
My friend sent me a video of ‘two girls, one cup’ – the now-infamous clip, which features a pair engaging in a scat fetish.
I recoiled in disgust as the scene played out.
It also shocked me to hear how degradingly boys in my class spoke about the two women in the film.
So no matter what Lily Phillips says, there’s no way that was a ‘positive’ experience for me at that age.
A few years later, I watched porn again – and that experience wasn’t much better.
I was 16 and a boy I was dating chose the clip; a rough gang-bang scenario that made me almost as uncomfortable.
It wasn’t until my late 20s that I discovered porn that was made for women.
To me, that is one of the key points that everyone seems to be missing.
While there is far more ethical porn made now, I know many grown women who still find it difficult to navigate this landscape.
They struggle to access adult films they actually enjoy.
And the kind of challenges Phillips takes part in doesn’t seem like ethical porn to me, and nor does her approach of thinking pornography can teach children.
I like porn – it’s not an everyday occurrence for me, but adult films have helped me discover new pleasures.
But I am 35 and can differentiate between what is good and bad porn.
An 11-year-old can’t.
I know that there are unrealistic expectations set in some adult films that will never pair up with real life.
Porn is fantasy – while it can be beneficial as a sexual tool, we should not pretend that it’s reality.
A child does not yet have the capacity or knowledge to know any of the above.
In her interview, Phillips goes on to say that ‘sex is a part of life’ and that you should learn about sex from a young age.
For once I agree with her.
Sex education is crucial to help children form healthy relationships.
This topic deserves care and attention, and it was infuriating to watch Phillips fumble her way through this conversation.
I do not blame her for children’s porn watching habits, nor do I condone the slut-shaming and abuse that she receives in person or online, which she also mentioned.
And I take no issue with her having sex for money. Sex work is work.
But how she talks about sex in a public forum – especially on mainstream TV – matters.
The OnlyFans model also described one of her other challenges, where she slept with 37 men in 24 hours, as ‘bliss.’
In the follow-up segment, Reed Amber made a great point in saying that Phillips might just really like having sex.
Far be it for me to dispute that the model enjoys her sex events – but let’s be real, young people might interpret her comments very differently.
I worry that many of them won’t want to ask for guidance. They might take what they are hearing and seeing at face value and assume that viewing porn at 11 is, indeed, a positive.
I wish people who have a huge audience would choose their words more carefully when discussing sex in a public forum.
Phillips is a professional – she is financially benefiting from the controversy that surrounds her.
She laughed her way through most of the interview.
Perhaps she just felt awkward but to me, this glib behaviour just showcases that she doesn’t understand the repercussions that her words could have.
So the next time she mentions viewing porn as a child, perhaps she’ll consider the impact her words, as well as her actions, can have.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
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