You made it through the crisis point of cuffing season without getting tied down. No longer do you need to find someone to buy you a Christmas present or take you to Winter Wonderland.
And yet, you still long for some human touch.
Blame the cold weather, the general bleakness of this time of year, or clearing season, but January is a magical time for online dating.
And by magical, we mean busy. Everyone’s bored, reflecting on their life choices, and wanting to fill the post-Christmas void with another human.
According to research from Match, this coming Sunday, 6 January, will see a load of people flocking to dating apps looking for love (or a hookup. Whatever).
Match has called this day Singles Sunday, and predicts that traffic on their site will spike at 9pm.
The dating site surveyed over 1,000 single people and found that 53% look forward to the new year as a fresh chance to find love, that 31% feel pressure to find a partner in 2019, and that 30% have made improving their love life one of their new year’s resolutions.
So just as the gym gets packed with hopeful exercisers for the first month of the year, dating apps will see a spike in people eagerly signing up to meet their goal of finding someone they fancy.
So basically, if you’re feeling frisky, now’s a very good time to get on dating apps and start swiping. Loads of newbies will be giving dating a go, and those nursing a heartbreak may finally be ready to make a return.
Bumble’s Danielle Chadha said: ‘January is all about resolutions and we always see people kick starting their dating after a reflection phase where they try to figure out what they want from life in the new year and what they are going to do differently.
‘We see a lot a lot of new registrations and a lot of profiles being updated and we encourage our users just to be straightforward in their bios
and profiles about what they want.
‘The more specific they are, the better it works.’
Charity workers Chara Juneau and Adam Claude, a couple from Minnesota, U.S, spent many nights – including Valentine’s – at their favourite charity organisation Feed My Starving Children.
Even their wedding proposal took place at the organisation, so naturally, the couple decided it was going to be where they got married.
Instead of a fancy reception in a massive venue, Chara and Adam decided to put on hair nets and give out food to hungry children after their vows.
Their 70 guests also followed suit.
(Picture: Feed My Starving Children)
When Adam won a trip to the Virgin Islands at a charity auction, they decided it was going to be their honeymoon destination.
But that meant pushing their wedding date earlier. So Chara suggested having a shotgun wedding at the charity, which worked with the couple’s finances and their values of giving back.
‘The whole thing cost very little money,’ Adam told Yahoo. ‘I didn’t want to start our lives in debt. It was a great way to generate money — rather than spending thousands of dollars, we could raise thousands of dollars.’
With their venue sorted, the pair set up a fundraising page, turning their whole wedding into a charity gala.
In honour of their wedding, Adam set up the Feed My Starving Children page with the lofty aim of raising $1,000,000 (£794,755) and they’ve already raised over $100,000 (£79,475.50).
On the big day, the bride and groom put on gloves and hats and, with the help of all their guests, packaged 22,000 meals, which will feed 60 kids for a year in Sierra Leone.
At the end of their big day, guests held up their ladles to make an arch for the charitable couple to walk through.
(Picture: Feed My Starving Children)
Feed My Starving Children is also how the two met as Adam, IT consultant, was living in Minnesota, organising events at the charity and Facebook invited Chara, who had recently moved there, to join.
Though she declined at first, they ended up bumping into each other at their church and soon hit it off, with plans to pack meals at the charity.
With both in awe of the charity’s work where they subsequently spent lots of time together, it made sense for them to tie the knot there.
Now taking a well-earned break to enjoy their honeymoon, the fundraising page remains open and you can still donate here.
Naturally, people were overjoyed and outraged. Even Piers Morgan got involved, and we know how rare it is for him to share his opinion about something.
But in the midst of all the hype, a question emerged: What’s actually in a Greggs vegan sausage roll?
Is it simply a carrot wrapped in pastry, as some (rude) people alleged? Is it in fact a real sausage pretending to be a vegan alternative?
We went to the source (Greggs), who confirmed that yes, the sausage is vegan, and no, it is not just a large carrot.
Instead, the vegan sausage inside a delightful vegan pastry case is made of the same stuff as Quorn sausages. That’s because Greggs actually teamed up with Quorn to make a unique vegan filling, using Quorn’s mycoprotein.
Mycoprotein is made using a type of mould called Fusarium venenatum strain PTA-2684. Quorn takes this and adds oxygen, nitrogen, glucose, and minerals, then lets it ferment and dry.
That might not sound particularly appetising, but it’s free of any animal cruelty and creates that yummy meaty texture.
So, for the Greggs sausage roll, the mycoprotein has been used in a new recipe made just for the brand. Beyond that, it’s pretty much a standard sausage roll.
A Greggs spokesperson tells Metro.co.uk: ‘We’ve worked hard to make a vegan friendly product that is as close to the nation’s favourite sausage roll, only changing the recipe from our original meat sausage roll where necessary to ensure that it is vegan friendly.
‘For example, working closely with Quorn we’ve created a unique vegan filling (using Quorn’s mycoprotein).
(Picture: Getty/ Rex)
‘The milk-based glaze used on our original sausage roll, to help make the pastry golden, has been removed and not replaced, making the lattice design more prominent and allowing a clearer difference between the two sausage rolls.
‘The ingredients for our famous crisp puff pastry and unique seasoning remain the same.’
The seasoning is handy, as it really does make the vegan sausage roll match the regular one, taste-wise.
In terms of nutritional value, the difference between the vegan sausage roll and the regular sausage roll is fairly minimal.
The vegan sausage roll weighs 101g and has 311 calories, while the regular Greggs sausage roll weighs 103g and has 317 calories.
The vegan version has slightly less fat than the regular one, with 19.02g of fat per roll versus 22g of fat, but it has slightly more salt, containing 1.85g of salt versus the regular sausage roll’s 1.6g of salt.
How does the Greggs vegan sausage roll taste?
We tried Greggs vegan sausage roll for ourselves, and were pretty blown away.
Avowed meat fan Jess described the vegan sausage roll as: ‘Almost indistinguishable from the meaty version. Flaky pastry, a hearty bite to the inner, and the savoury tang that keeps me coming back to my local Greggs like an addict in need of a fix.’
While veggie Ellen (that’s me) was overjoyed to finally have a solid replacement for the sausage rolls she’d missed since her childhood.
The pastry is slightly less flaky and greasy, but this just means eating the sausage roll is a less messy experience.
The sausage tastes and feels bizarrely like a regular meat sausage, so much so that biting into it you do question whether you’ve made a terrible mistake and picked up the meat version.
It’s 10p extra, costing £1 while the meat sausage roll is 90p.
But for vegans and veggies, that 10p is worth it. Finally we can dive into a Greggs on a cold, rainy day, and grab a sausage roll. All our dreams have come true.
It’s hard to overstate the power of a statement legging.
The skin-tight material, jazzy patterns, vibrant colours all scream unabashed confidence and inner strength.
They are the very embodiment of the kind of energy we want to be bringing to the gym every time we work out.
For most of us, working out is the one time we get to wear clothes that in any way resemble a superhero outfit. So, when it comes to gym leggings, louder is definitely better.
Try these bold options to really turn heads next time you’re on the treadmill.
Black and white can still be statement, as these mono-print leggings prove.
The bold pattern is certainly eye-catching, and the good news is that they will go with all of your t-shirts and sports bras, so you can mix-and-match.
They’re made of mostly polyester and they’re super flexible to help you move.
Nothing will make you feel more kick-ass than working out in army print.
Channel your inner G.I Jane in these full-length leggings. Camo is still a big trend, so if you can trust that these tights are a fashion-conscious choice.
Team them with black trainers and sling on a black bomber jacket for a chic post-gym look.
Can we keep the festive season going a little longer? (Picture: JGI/Jamie Grill/Getty Images/Blend Images)
Even though the excitement and hangovers of New Year’s Eve have come and gone, confusion around the etiquette of the New Year can remain throughout January.
The kids are back to school and the grown-ups are back to work, but for some, the holiday season clings on by the skin of its teeth as we continue to wish each other a happy New Year well into 2019.
But how long is too long to keep these glad tidings going?
Fact: there’s no such thing as too much glitter. (Picture: mikroman6/Moment/Getty)
When to stop saying Happy New Year
The simple answer would be that there is no set rule of when people should stop giving out happy new year wishes, but it is something that has divided a lot of people and there are some strong opinions out there.
CNN came out a few years ago and said, in no uncertain terms that ‘Telling people “Happy New Year” more than a week after the first of the year is like keeping your Christmas lights up until February. It’s tacky.’
According to a poll conducted by CambridgeshireLive in 2017, 22% of respondents said they stopped wishing people a Happy New Year once New Year’s Day was over, and a whopping 63% said they kept it going through the first week of January.
Baby, you’re a firework (Picture: Yui Mok/PA Wire)
She even went so far as to say that it could do more harm than good to keep the greeting going for too long.
‘People want to settle into the new year as quickly as possible without being reminded that it is a new year, or that new year’s celebrations and Christmas are over. This can be depressing, and can often feel they happened months ago, and being reminded won’t be appreciated.
‘It can also prevent both the person greeting, and the person being greeted to from moving forward and embracing the new year.’
Who knew that a simple ‘Happy New Year’ could have such an effect on people?
If you’re vegan or giving it a go as part of veganuary then you’ll be pleased to know you can add one more thing to your diet; ice cream (it’s a must).
Ben & Jerry’s new non-dairy flavour, Coconutterly Caramel’d, will soon be available in shops.
Whether you’re a vegan veteran or just trying it out for the month, you’ll probably want to grab a scoop of the stuff.
(Picture: Ben & Jerry’s)
If you love a bit of coconut, then you’ll be glad to know that Ben & Jerry’s newest non-dairy flavour is the first and only coconut flavour in its European lineup since 2012.
You can expect vegan certified caramel and cookies, made with almonds and loaded with chunks and swirls.
‘We’ve been churning on this for years, trying to recreate the luscious flavours and satisfying creaminess that set Ben & Jerry’s dairy collection apart and we think we’ve cracked it with a taste like no other – we think this tastes so good that our non-dairy fans won’t miss what’s missing,’ said Ben & Jerry’s Flavour Guru, Josine Nohlmans.
If all that sounds like it’s up your street then you can head to your local supermarket where it will be available within the next two weeks.
But all that deliciousness doesn’t come cheap. You’ll have to pay £6 per tub.
If you’re in the mood for some classic B&J but not patient enough to wait for the new flavour then you can still opt for the brand’s other vegan products.
Peanut butter cookies and fudge brownies also come in non-dairy form and were launched in 2017 to satisfy all those dessert cravings.
So grab a spoon, curl up in front of a film, and enjoy.
You may love your partner with all your heart, but if they don’t want to have sex as frequently as you do, the relationship can die a slow death.
You feel irritated, neglected, and rejected. It’s hard not to take someone you love saying ‘no sex, please’ to heart.
On the flip side, it’s tough for the person who wants sex less frequently. Sex can start to feel like a chore you’re being nagged into, that you put up with rather than enjoy.
That’s not a positive situation for either party. It’s vital to reach a place where everyone’s satisfied and able to say ‘not right now’ without worrying they’re tearing their partner’s heart in two.
But how do you reach that place?
What can you do if your partner keeps turning down sex?
Or if you do, never show it to your partner. No one likes to feel like their behaviour is being watched and tracked like a science experiment.
Instead, do this…
Have the conversation
Yes, we know, it feels deeply awkward to ask someone why they don’t seem keen on sex. But having an honest conversation about the issue is the only way you can work towards solving it.
There are some rules to follow when it comes to the conversation.
First off, don’t do it immediately after you’ve tried and been turned down for sex. That’s when emotions will be running high, and perhaps the reason they don’t want to have sex in that moment (they’re tired, they feel sick) will also make them reluctant to have a chat.
Make sure you’re not accusatory or aggressive. The goal with this conversation is not to make your partner feel bad for not having sex, but to find out why they haven’t been keen recently.
Remember: Consent is not a given in a relationship, and your partner is completely entitled to say ‘no’ to sex.
‘There are tons of reasons that someone might not be as interested in sex as another person, and quite often, it’s nothing to do with the person that they are having sex with,’ Sammi Cole, sex and relationship expert at Lovehoney, tells Metro.co.uk.
‘External stress, medication, loss of confidence, changes in routine, health issues, past trauma, and age are just some of the factors that can affect our sex drives, so before you rush to, “they clearly don’t want me any more”, take the time to talk things through in a calm and non-accusatory way.
‘Make sure that neither of you have to rush off anywhere, and that you’re not likely to be interrupted.
‘Start off with something positive, such as telling them how much you enjoy being intimate with them, that you’d love to do it more often if they’re open to it, and try to focus on offering solutions rather than laying blame on either of you. “Would you like to tell me what’s on your mind?” is much more open-ended and friendly than, “You always turn me down, what’s wrong with me?”.’
Make sure that your partner feels able to share their reasons without any judgement or having to worry that you’ll be offended. The reasons might be more complex than you’re imagining, and may not have an easy fix – anxiety related to sex and past trauma might require therapeutic work – or they might feel like a criticism on your sexual skills.
Remain calm and chat through things neutrally to check in with how your partner is feeling and why they might not be up for having sex.
Change up the way you’re initiating
If you find yourself getting turned down every time you try to initiate sex, it might be time to change your technique.
This will depend on the reasons your partner has given for not being keen (which you’ll have found out in the conversation you just had, if you followed the tip above), but it’s also about adapting to what works for your partner.
If your partner is too tired for sex, try swapping to a different time rather than just before bed.
If they tap your hand away because you go straight to one area of their body, try starting off with kisses on the neck or a different move you know they like.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Let them initiate
When you’re the one with a lower sex drive, each initiating move from your partner can feel like a pester. Which doesn’t feel great for anyone.
You might find that giving your partner the space to initiate when they’re keen will actually increase the amount of sex you have.
Of course, it’s worth having a chat to let your other half know that this is the plan, so they don’t think you’ve just given up trying.
Give them the confidence to initiate, encourage them to make a move when they’re in the mood, and then give them the time and space to do that.
Relieve the pressure
When you keep turning down sex and you can see your partner’s getting frustrated, sex starts to feel like something you have to do rather than want to do.
And that pressure can completely sap any sex drive.
Or the stress of knowing you aren’t satisfying your partner can make you feel rubbish. Or there’s so much pressure to perform that you feel like the sex has to be absolutely mindblowing.
Take down the pressure and relax, both of you. Try not to set any rigid rules about how often you ‘should’ be having sex, and try not to react with anger or disappointment when your partner isn’t interested.
It’s vital that the person you’re with feels comfortable saying ‘no’.
Understand that turning down sex doesn’t mean they don’t love you
There are all kinds of reasons that someone might not be up for sex as often as you’d like. Hopefully the conversation you’ve had will enlighten what those reasons may be, but it’s still tricky not to take it personally when the person you love isn’t up for sex every night.
Remind yourself that sex is not the same as love, and that there are other ways your partner can show they care.
If you’re feeling rejected, bring that up, but think about other ways you can express your love as a couple other than sex.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Add some fun back in
All the above makes sex feel a bit serious, which doesn’t make a sesh feel like a particularly exciting prospect.
Shake things up to make sex appealing and free of any of the heavy emotional stuff.
That might mean making the setting special with candles and fancy bedding, or introducing a sex toy, or agreeing to try out a new position.
Julia Margo, the co-founder of Hot Octopuss, tells us: ‘Introducing sex toys can help, particularly for women who take longer to feel aroused. Couples’ toys such as PULSE DUO can help to stimulate both partners during foreplay.
‘Or for intercourse, the ATOM is a powerful cock ring with a vibrating area that provides additional stimulation for women. For men struggling with erectile problems or performance anxiety, cock rings can also help produce and maintain a stronger erection.’
And remember, if the sex is glorious, your partner will want more. Listen to what they want, make them feel good, and enjoy more sex as a result.
Consider scheduling
We know, we know, it doesn’t sound like the most thrilling thing, but there’s nothing wrong with scheduling sex.
If time constraints, tiredness, or other situational stuff are the reasons your sex life has taken a dip, clearing a dedicated timeslot for sex can be a huge help.
But it can be beneficial to agree that every Sunday morning (or whatever time works for you) you’ll have sex, to meet what you’ve determined is an acceptable baseline and avoid the sting of disappointment.
Scheduling can be sexy, too. Something as simple as asking your partner whether they’d be up for having sex this evening, rather than waiting to initiate once you’re home, can help build up anticipation as well as making sure they won’t do a workout, drink booze, or do anything else that might put them off.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Give them confidence
Often low sex drive will be down to a lack of confidence or low self-esteem. Maybe your partner doesn’t feel attractive, and thoughts about their appearance are putting a stop to any sexual desire.
Making your partner feel beautiful, desirable, and confident is key.
‘Make sure, too, that when you do have sex, you’re being complimentary and supportive, and paying attention to what they want and enjoy,’ says Sammi. ‘Positive sexual experiences are much more likely to lead to increased sexual desire than bad ones.’
Masturbate
I mean, if you’re feeling really pent up and need a release, masturbation is completely allowed and encouraged.
It’ll relieve some of the pressure and take the edge of.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help
As we keep mentioning, the reasons for a low sex drive can be complex – and they may not be something you can resolve alone.
If you’re struggling, it’s okay to talk to a sexual therapist or couples counsellor. Sexual trauma is something that can greatly benefit from professional help, and it’s not something to just squash down
If you or your partner think that a low sex drive could be a result of medication, or mental or physical illness, make an appointment with your doctor.
Sex and sexual desire are big parts of our relationships and our lives. If they’re causing issues, you deserve the support and help you need to get better.
During sex education lessons when we were at school, we were asked to come up to the board one by one and write down a slang word we’d heard describing vaginas – or vulvas if we’re being specific.
Wizard’s sleeve, beef curtains, vertical bacon sandwich, ham wallet; we got the lot.
You’ll notice though, if you’re the owner of said genitalia, that these words tend to refer to your labia, and tend to be said in a derogatory way.
This starts the thoughts off young: ‘Are my labia wrong somehow?’
Throw in the comments about sausages up driveways and people being ‘loose’ and you’ve got a fully-fledged complex, my friend.
At Getting Freaky we’ve looked at all sorts of – frankly, f***ed up – things. In comparison this is tame, but it’s a sexual misconception that’s been touted for generations, and it’s having detrimental effects on women as a result.
It only takes one glance at the badwomensanatomy subreddit to realise that plenty of adults still believe that your labia are less like body parts and more like elastic bands that lose their give with more use, becoming longer each time.
These same adults may also believe that your vaginal canal can become wider or looser with more use. Some even think that if you have sex with someone with a larger penis, you ‘mould’ to the shape of it and can no longer accommodate different shaped or sized penises.
Safe to say, this is all completely untrue. Let’s look at labia in particular.
There were reports in 2016 of a 39% spike in women getting labiaplasty, which could be for a number of reasons, but is no doubt rooted in some sort of idea that our labia are not ‘normal.’
Does it tie in with the idea of people keeping a ‘body count’ (with lower answers being deemed more acceptable for women)? Does it have something to with the type of vulvas we see in porn?
It’s impossible to tell for sure, but we can all draw from our own experiences. For me, growing up, the message was clear: The more sexual partners you have, the more of a ‘wizard’s sleeve’ appearance you take on.
Now, I’ve done a bit of shagging my time (humblebrag, much?). Enough to know that this theory is complete bollocks, and is best left in our teen years along with those porno mags that someone mysteriously found in the woods.
My own labia might have just been some anomaly, though, so I spoke to Dr. Jennifer Dhingra. She told Metro.co.uk out and out:
‘Having more sex doesn’t permanently increase the size of the labia, nor does it affect the overall shape.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
You might notice a slight change during or after you have sex, however. Dr. Jennifer continues:
‘During arousal, there is increased blood flow to the genitals, and the labia (majora and minora), along with other parts of the vulva, become engorged. This increase in blood flow also allows the genitals to become lubricated. However, these changes are not long lasting, and the genitals will return to their pre-aroused state.’
There are some reasons why your labia might look different to usual. For example, ‘conditions like thrush, allergies or some STIs can also cause swelling of the vulva and vagina, as well as symptoms like itching, discomfort, reddening and pain during sex.’
Similarly, if your Bartholin ducts, located near your labia minora, are blocked, there could be issues. Dr. Jennifer explains: ‘Sometimes these ducts can become blocked and cause localised swelling known as ‘cysts,’ which can make the labia look more swollen. If the cysts become large, they can cause discomfort and pain, and sometimes they can become infected.’
If you’re worried about a change in your labia, head to your GP rather than your cosmetic surgeon. Some people do have issues with discomfort due to their labia chafing, which again is something you should address with your GP.
No one labia is normal or abnormal. As Dr. Jennifer says, they come in ‘all different shapes and sizes, and it is perfectly normal for them to be neither symmetrical nor the same colour as your skin tone.’
If a sexual partner is pulling on your labia to the point you feel they’re stretching, please ask them to cease and desist. Unless that’s your thing, of course.
In a standard sexual interaction when you’re lubricated and aroused, your labia shouldn’t be in any discomfort. I’d be more worried about the lack of skill being brought to your bed than whether they might not find your parts attractive after tugging at them.
There’s essentially no logic to the whole thing. If it was true, why would most of the fannies in porn look like little ladybirds?
Surely if that was the case, then having a baby would see most women having to tape their lips to their inner thighs just to go about their day.
Plus, people probably have more sex while actually in relationships. But then having sex with one person 300 time is somehow better than having sex with 15 people once? Show your working please, lads.
It’s not easy to rid yourself of the inherent paranoia that comes just for being born in a female body. When it’s been drummed into you since day dot that your sexual organs are both highly desirable and inherently disgusting, it doesn’t just go away overnight.
Try to remember if you can, though, that people that believe these dangerous things are ignorant, stupid, or both.
Doctors like Jennifer are trying their best to drown out the misinformation. Don’t let a few people who never grew up or listened in sex ed beat them.
You don’t have to be particularly fashion-forward to recognise the Louis Vuitton logo.
One aspiring designer and rapper, Magnus Juliano, has taken the signature design of the brand and turned it into something out of the ordinary; braid accessories.
The 27-year-old graphic designer from Columbus, Ohio has used 3D printing to create the colourful look.
And it’s not just about trendy hair accessories, he says, it’s about honouring African American roots.
Revealing the stylish LV monogram carefully crafted into his braids, Magnus posted the look on his Instagram, tagging Virgil Abloh, artistic director of Louis Vuitton’s men’s wear collection.
He wrote: ‘Hey Virgil Abloh, can I earn an internship? I have ideas!’
The technicolour designs created by Magnus took a lot of time and effort as he spent six months 3D printing each design and putting it together.
‘I failed in production a few times so I had to keep restarting again and again. It was discouraging and I almost walked away from it, but [fortunately] regrouped,’ he told Vogue.
‘African American roots are rich in hair jewellery and headdress — it’s our fabric. I chose [to pay tribute to] Louis Vuitton because of the impact [the brand has] had on art and design, but from the perspective of designers like Dapper Dan, who didn’t have access to [luxury brands], yet still made hip-hop couture using their likeness.’
Magnus used a 3D-printing company co-founded by his former university professor to create the ornaments. He also enlisted the help of a hairstylist to do do the braiding and fastening work.
He tagged Louis Vuitton in the post to direct their attention to his work, which won over a lot of fans on Instagram.
Many called the work ‘dope’ while one wrote: ‘You definitely deserve that internship.’
Others left him positive words of encouragement, saying: ‘Virgil would be a fool not to get in touch with you. But if that does happen, don’t stop and keep producing. You have so much talent and authenticity you cannot be ignored. And this can work for so many other brands.’
What do you think of when you hear the words ‘team sports’?
Do you think of sweaty changing rooms? Faking period pains to get out of P.E? Bitchy teenage girls who would always pick you last?
If so, it’s definitely time to change your perception.
Playing sport as part of a team can be hugely empowering, great for your physical and mental health and, chiefly, really fun.
There is still a huge gender stigma associated with female sport. Too many women still think of sport as unfeminine and intimidatingly male.
The thinking around this needs to change. 2019 should be the year when you seriously consider taking up a team sport. And these are all the reasons why.
(Picture: Ella Byworth)
It’s a well known truism that employers look favorably on applicants who play sport. And there is sound reasoning behind it.
Team sport builds resilience and determination, the ability to communicate, to work through difficult problems, to lead.
There are so many skills that you could transfer from the football pitch or the basketball court, directly to the boardroom.
A big one is aggression and decisiveness.
So many women suffer from a lack of aggression at work – you need a healthy helping of bad-assery to progress professionally, to shout down the men who interrupt you, to say no when you’re being overworked and under-valued.
Sport gives you confidence. It teaches you to chase the things you deserve, to fight back when someone is putting pressure on you. A sporting mentality can help you become that tenacious, fearless person in the office.
But beyond the professional, the personal benefits of playing sport in a team can be enormous.
I have played netball for as long as I can remember. I played at school, I played for my county, I played at university and now I play with an adult team in England’s regional league.
I love my team with my whole heart. Playing matches every weekend and training a couple of times a week has become an integral part of who I am.
What I love most about playing sport in a team, is the single-mindedness of it. You can only focus on the task at hand.
When the whistle blows, there’s no space to think about relationships, bills, emails, or any other stressors. All you think about is running, jumping, breathing, catching, throwing – there aren’t many moments in life that afford you this sense of singular clarity.
Journalist and podcast host, Sacha Shipway, is a former international netball player for the Republic of Ireland. She won five European titles with her team, and she wants other women to experience just how amazing that can feel.
‘I’ve met some of my closest friends playing netball. Nothing can quite replace the bond you get with teammates when you train and play with them week in, week out,’ Sacha tells Metro.co.uk.
‘I’m a fan of going to the gym, but it doesn’t quite give you the morale boost that a team sport like netball can. There’s something to be said for putting time aside every week to work out how to become more skilled at something.
‘Playing team sport gives me dedicated time every week to be Sacha the netballer rather than the sister, journalist, housemate.
‘Plus, it’s pretty satisfying surrounding yourself with a bunch of strong women who you can put your trust in, on and off the court. The high-fives are an added bonus.’
This is true when you play sport at any level, not just for elite athletes.
When you join a sports team, be it netball, basketball, football or cricket, you get an immediate network of inbuilt, instant friends. And in our solitary world where loneliness is an increasing problem for young people, this could be a lifeline.
And, far from the bitchy, cliquey, exclusive stereotypes you might remember from high school, my experience of adult teams has been nothing but intensely supportive, loving and hilarious.
What’s also nice is winning. Winning is great. And as adults we don’t get to experience it enough.
School was full of competitions – we were always coming home with stickers and trophies and tatty certificates. It felt great to win, to come first at something. It’s an ego boost like no other.
Sport gives you this as an adult in a way that you just can’t replicate in the workplace or in the gym. There’s something pure and innocently hopeful about spending an entire hour using everything in your power to try and do nothing but win.
A win can transform your weekend, it will leave you elated and proud in a way adults rarely get to feel. We all need more of that.
As well as the psychological benefits of team sport, the physical benefits are impossible to ignore.
It’s great for your body. And you’re much more likely to keep up your training when you have something to work towards, and teammates you don’t want to let down.
And don’t forget the endorphins. Glorious endorphins. Crack for athletes. This natural drug floods your bloodstream when you push the threshold of your fitness, it suppresses pain, elevates your mood and basically makes you feel amazing.
It’s the same chemical that’s released when you have an orgasm – yep, playing netball is that good.
Don’t take my word for it. I asked my teammates what they love about playing and they had some great answers.
Actual squad goals (Picture: Natalie Morris/Metro.co.uk)
Georgia, wing attack; ‘You lose yourself in the game. For that hour, the rules of the game and the goals are clear. You know who’s on your team and who’s against you. Real life is way more fuzzy!’
DC, goal shooter; You turn up to play, at whatever level, and you’re playing with people who become your friends, who make you laugh, who have good words to say whether it goes right or wrong.
‘You put a shift in and you push yourself, but it feels OK because you never have to do it alone.’
Charlie, goal attack; ‘teamwork in sports is way more exciting, dynamic, instantly gratifying, escaping, and generally way less political, than teamwork in any other aspect of life.’
Onah, goal defence; there’s no such thing as too many friends (or drinking buddies). The happiness and buzz after a match lasts way longer than the buzz you get from the gym. And it’s a chance to make friends with people you might not normally meet.’
Rachel, goal shooter; ‘when I’m playing a team sport I don’t think about anything else. All I think about is throwing and catching and not f*cking up. Not just for me, but for the whole team.’
Claudia, centre; ‘playing in a team you really learn to appreciate each other’s skills. Nothing motivates me more than the fear of letting my teammates down, so I want to be better and I want to train harder.’
It has been a big couple of years for women’s sport.
The increased interest in the wake of the 2012 Olympics coupled with notable, high-profile successes from women’s teams, has lead to a huge boost in engagement. More women are playing team sports than ever before.
Now is the time to jump on the bandwagon. If for nothing else, then for the sense of community.
The new Netball Superleague is about to start, it kicks off this weekend, and games will be shown on Sky Sports every week.
Wouldn’t it be nice if the weekend TV schedule in your house was dominated by a female sport every now and then, rather than the endless tedium of football?
Join a team, start playing, start watching – we really do have the power to turn the tide and change the conversation around women’s sport once and for all.
For most of us, breakups suck. And it usually takes a while to get over it.
But the most important thing you should know is that you will get over it. No matter how long it takes.
It’s going to hurt, but you can move forward.
We’ve got a guide to help you through it.
Delete their contact details
One rooky mistake we all make is keeping our exes on social media and keeping their numbers in our contacts. But this is detrimental and just gives you an opportunity to message them.
Repeatedly messaging them is just going to keep all of your feelings hanging around. It’ll be hard, but delete the number and block them on social media.
Nadia Essex, dating expert known for her expertise on Celebs Go Dating, says that the first steps to getting over someone are the ‘3 B’s’ – blocking their number, blocking their socials and blocking their friends – unless they are mutual.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘You don’t need to see, hear or speak to them. If you don’t block you will likely drunk text them or stalk their socials and that has never made anyone feel good.’
Book a therapy session
Therapy isn’t just for people with mental health issues. It can be great for breakups too.
You don’t have to commit yourself to years of talking, but it can be really helpful to have a few chats with someone who’s not your friend or family member, and who can provide an outside perspective.
When you’re in therapy, you are able to be completely open and honest with no fear of judgement, and you’ll likely come out of a session realising new things about yourself.
Therapy is about discovery and processing your feelings, and there’s no doubt that you will one day come out of a session feeling completely different to when you first walked in.
(Picture: Ella Byworth)
Hang out with your friends
You need to take your mind off of the breakup. This doesn’t mean ignore your feelings completely – it’s important to feel as much as you can – but go out when you can. Surround yourself with people who can offer you a fun time, but who can also support you.
Go out to eat, go to the cinema, go on nights out, remind yourself what it’s like to be single and have fun with it.
Go out as much as you can and have a good time, smile, laugh and come home feeling good. It’s much better than sitting home alone with a bottle of wine crying over your ex.
Write a list of pros and cons
When you’ve broken up with someone, you start to see everything through rose tinted glasses.
Draw a grid and in the left column write a list of cons, and in the right a list of pros. In the cons, write down all the things you didn’t like about your ex, things that upset you, things that annoyed you, all the bad feelings you felt during the relationship.
And then in the right, write down all the good things. And then continue adding to it whenever you can, you’ll find there were a lot more cons than you initially thought.
(Picture: Ella Byworth)
Join a dating app… if you feel ready
You might not be ready to actually date. That’s okay. Dating apps are also great for a confidence boost.
Join a dating app and upload your best photos, and then just match with people. You don’t even have to talk with them, but having attention from people will show you that there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Write a list of things you want to do for YOU
The world has just opened up to you. You can now do what you like, when you like – so embrace it.
Write a list of things you want to do just for you.
It’s liberating to realise that your own company can be blissful.
Nadia tells us: ‘Be kind to yourself. Be selfish. Give yourself time to grieve. You may have lost your best friend and your boyfriend so it will feel weird and lonely adjusting to not having him at the end of the phone to share your good or bad news with.
‘Trust this will go away so until then listen to your body. If you want pizza have pizza. If you want a massage go get one, if you want to beat someone up book a boxing class.’
Nadia suggests reconnecting with old friends, booking a holiday and organising a night out. She says it’s important to fill your time with things that feel good.
She adds: ‘You are free to do all the things you said you would but didn’t do when you were in a relationship.
‘The world is your oyster.’
Learn what it’s like to be alone again
When you’ve been in a relationship, you can become co-dependant on someone else. Suddenly, despite having been on your own before, being alone seems daunting. You feel scared and lonely.
But embrace being on your own. Though you should definitely hang out with friends and have people you love around you to support you, re-learn what your own company is like.
Force yourself to stay in one Saturday and pamper yourself – put on a good movie, get some snacks and a bottle of wine, have a bath and stick a face mask on. You’ll realise spending evenings alone really aren’t a bad thing.
Plus, time spent alone is vital for a healthy relationship in the future.
‘Don’t jump into dating or online dating straight away. Rebounds can be fun but don’t last,’ advises Nadia.
‘If you are needy or co-dependent then you have to learn to be happy and comfortable in your own company, that way when you meet someone you can trust that you like them for them, not lowering your standards because you are insecure.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Re-invent yourself
This is a cliche for a reason – a makeover helps you feel new again.
Dye your hair. Buy some new clothes. Get a tattoo. Get a piercing. You don’t have to change yourself, but doing something to your appearance can make you feel like a whole new person.
Find a new hobby
Hobbies are amazing. Find a new one – something that’s fun and something that allows you to have some quality time with yourself.
Book a class, start painting, start making things. Spend the evening writing or blogging. Learn to play an instrument. Study a new language. Just find one thing that you love doing, and occupy yourself.
Clear out all of their stuff
Out of sight, out of mind really does work. So gather all your ex’s stuff and send it back to them. Don’t leave it sitting around.
You need to stop thinking about your ex, and having their shoes and T-shirts around isn’t going to help.
Going through and getting rid of their leftover stuff can be very therapeutic. Yes, it might be upsetting but when it’s all gone, you’ll feel ready for a fresh start.
Learn to love yourself
‘Don’t beat yourself up for anything,’ says Nadia. ‘You are healing. It takes time. Then once you start to feel stronger this is where the fun begins.’
When you’ve gone through a breakup, it’s easy to pick yourself apart. Stop that. Start focusing on things you love about yourself.
Fill up the space your ex has left behind with even more self-love.
John Waters once said, ‘If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t f*** ’em!’
Good advice from a good man, but with one small weakness – softboys.
A softboy (or softboi) might seem intellectual on the surface, appealing to your sensitivity and whispering sweet nothings. They’ll likely be a big fan of J.D. Salinger, Chuck Palahnuik, James Joyce, as well as a bit of Proust and Baudelaire for good measure.
They’re educated, and want you to know that they’re a real deep thinker. Even if they just watch porn and stare at the ceiling in their spare time, they’ll have quotes at the ready to make themselves seem well-read.
Then there’s the songs. ‘Tame Impala are my favourite band. You probably haven’t heard of them.’ he’ll say. If you have, you’re not like all the other girls who like reality TV and makeup and Ariana Grande. You’re different, like him.
He’ll proclaim he’s a feminist and an ally. He works at the feminist library, dontcha know. He thinks we need equal pay and sexual liberation and to free the nipple.
This behaviour is intriguing to the uninitiated. You might feel flattered by their compliments, and happy that you’ve met a guy who thinks about things more than some you’ve been out with.
You have been officially snared by the softboy.
The problem with a softboy is not his emotional or academic intelligence (faux or real). It’s the fact you’re reeled in with it, only to experience what comes afterwards.
See, a softboy is just too ‘f***ed up in the head’ to answer your texts, or ‘doesn’t believe in labels’ when you have the ‘what are we’ chat. A f***boy is honest that they just want to bang, whereas a softboy uses subtle manipulation to make you feel that the FWB situation you’re in is actually somehow subversive.
A softboy will almost make you like the idea of a f***boy. At least you won’t have to listen to him banging on about how he liked Arctic Monkeys before everyone else and asking if he can sketch you naked for his portfolio.
The Urban Dictionary definition of a softboy is: ‘Similar to a f***boy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a “sensitive” side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not.
‘Then, like the f***boy, he can’t/won’t commit. Differs from the f***boy because he goes for the heart and emotions rather than just the body.’
There is a fantastic Instagram account called Beam Me Up Softboi dedicated to the messages of softboys. Take a look at some of the prime laughs they’ve brought us (since we’re not actually involved).
The real essence of a softboy is the deception and double standards, so also look for them as a red flag. If he says he supports women’s rights but treats women badly IRL; bad sign.
On top of that, professing to be on some astral mental plane that no-one else can reach while asking you to come over and jerk him off; not great.
Oh, and if he thinks Woody Allen is a misunderstood genius; caught yourself a big one, there.
We’ve all been there. The best thing to do is just be aware that this might not be the romantic poet of your dreams, and is more likely a dude with a vast collection of undeleted nudes on his iCloud.
And if this handy guide is bringing up a whole load of comparisons with your own behaviour, oh lord, where do we start.
Please stop using words you’ve looked up to seem clever. Please stop insulting others’ intelligence and acting like because you’re a so-called tortured creative you have a right to treat people however you wish. Please watch a bit of telly and get out of your own ego for a while; not everything is ironic or romantic.
No one should use false pretenses to get sex and, for the record, you didn’t discover Alex Turner or spoken word poetry.
Make money moves (Picture: TEK IMAGE/SCIENCE PHOTO LIBRARY/Getty)
The New Year is the ideal time to start getting your finances under control again, especially after the hectic Christmas period.
When it comes to money, it’s always better to stay prepared. Even if your New Year’s resolution has nothing to do with money, it’s still worth knowing exactly what months you’ll need to pay your council tax bill.
What is council tax?
Council tax is a tax on domestic property that’s imposed on households by local British authorities. The amount charged is based on the estimated value of the property in question, as well as the number of people who live in it.
Council tax bills are issued for the financial year ahead on, or soon before, the 30 April.
(Picture: Dominic Lipinski/PA Wire/PA Images)
There are eight valuation bands, from A to H. Band A is the lowest valuation band.
Your local authority will set a rate of council tax for all of these bands each year. There are, however, some properties that are exempt from paying council tax at all.
When do you not pay council tax?
Typically residents who pay in 10 monthly installments will get their two-month council tax break in February and March.
There is also the option of breaking down the payments into smaller chunks over an 11 or 12 month period. If you’d rather spread out your council tax payments, you should contact your local council as soon as you can because each council will have its own deadline for making that request.
Mrs Hinch has swept the nation with her top cleaning tips and witty banter.
Fans of the Instagrammer – whose real name Sophie Hinchcliffe – will be familiar with the items she uses while she makes her home sparkle.
There’s Dave her feather duster, Clarence the cloth, and Vera the mop. Plus, we can’t forget the different Zoflora disinfectants and pine scented toilet cleaner.
One of the mainstays is also her ‘Minkeh’, which is an anti-bacterial pad she uses to wipe down all sorts.
The product is actually called a Minky M-Cloth, and it features microfibre on one side and a scrubby texture on the other.
Ever since the world began ‘Hinching’, everything the influencer touches sells out, and the Minkeh was no different.
Those truly dedicated to the cleaning craze snapped them up, to the point they’re now on eBay for upwards of £20 a piece.
Morrisons have truly come through, however, and bargain hunters found that they’ve got plenty of the pads on sale for just £2.50.
Given that they cost from £11.86 on Amazon, that is not too bad at all.
If history is anything to go by, you will have to be quick, since Hinchers will be grabbing those bargains while they can.
Some people on bargain groups have said that their stores have already sold out, which shows the raw power of the cleaning craze.
Either way, it’s worth a punt for that sweet, sweet shine at a low, low price.
A woman excited with nerves at the thought of confessing her love to her best friend did the only thing she could do while confined to a plane – she vented.
Only, she didn’t know who to rant to while she flew from Miami to Washington D.C, so she picked up an airplane sick bag and wrote her feelings on it.
‘My name is Andrea and I am incredibly bored,’ she wrote.
‘So I bought the ticket last night because I have a huge crush on my best friend. So I’ll surprise him at the airport during his layover (in D.C). I’m going to tell him I have a crush on him.’
(Picture: Reddit/u/ho_riene)
The wild story was found written on the sickbag by a member of airline staff a year ago who then shared it on Reddit recently.
And now the internet wants to find Andrea to get an update about what happened.
So far, all we know is Andrea was a 21-year-old student moving to Australia for five months. She had four days before she left her hometown in D.C where her crush was also dropping by.
She left everyone hanging as she detailed what led her to write the note.
(Picture: Reddit/u/ho_riene)
She continued: ‘Bold move right? I don’t really know what I’m going to say but I’m going to just wing it. Why not? I’m leaving so who cares?
‘Wish me luck, whoever you are. Yeah, I’m lame for writing this on a barf bag but I’m bored, my wifi doesn’t work and I’m nervous as f*ck so this is me venting.
‘The enormous Starbucks pumped with caffeine probably isn’t helping either. Anyway hope this has made your flight a little less boring.
‘Do me a favour and do something crazy today like I am. Good luck whoever you are,’ she ended the note.
The post has almost 50,000 upvotes with over 1,000 comments. Naturally, everyone wants to know what happened next.
Some even shared their romantic conquests on the post. One person wrote: ‘About 30 years ago, I did something similar. I wrote a letter on one of the pages of a magazine on the plane.
‘I actually left my home address and several months later, someone actually took the time to write me and send me a letter. At the time I was a kid and it was one of the most exciting things that ever happened to me.’
Anyone else suddenly in the mood to write romantic letters and leave it in a public place?
Mike Ford,37, Barbara De Le Fuente-Ford, 35, Miriam Fadda,39, and Lee Simms,40 (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
A divorced couple spent their Christmas together along with their kids, both new partners and all of the in-laws.
Barbara De Le Fuente-Ford, 35, and ex Lee Simms, 40, split up in 2013, but promised to keep it amicable for the sake of daughters Florencia, 12 and Sofia, nine.
The family – made up of two divorcees, their two new partners and former in-laws just spent their third Christmas together.
They also spent Christmas Eve and Boxing Day together, cooking for one another and buying gifts.
Barbara’s new husband Mike Ford, 37, is now best friends with Lee, who also attended their wedding with his partner Miriam Fadda, 39.
The festive gathering of 11 took place at a bed and breakfast in Brighton with Barbra (known as Barby), Mike, Lee, Miriam, Florencia, Sofia and Mike’s son, Charlie.
The couples with their children (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
Mike’s parents – Barby’s in-laws – Mary and Tony Weerasinghe will also joined them with ex Lee’s parents, Sandra and John Simms.
Spanish teacher, Barbara from Brighton said: ‘The friendship is genuine and we can see the long term benefits. We did it for us as well as the children.
‘We’ve got used to it and it works for us. We are like one big family now.’
Pharmacist Lee and Chilean-born Barbara married in 2005 but they said with hindsight they were too young and gradually grew apart and were ‘always arguing’.
Barby and Lee decided they only ‘loved each other as friends’ and made a pact to remain part of each others’ lives after they divorced in 2013.
Barby, who is now training as a separation life coach, said: ‘It wasn’t just for the children, it was for us too. We wanted to focus on the good in us, not the bad.
The couples all spent the holidays together (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
‘The relationship wasn’t working and we made a very grown up decision.
‘We still loved each other, just not in that way anymore.
A year after they split up Barby and Lee met up to talk about leaving the past behind them and turning over a new leaf.
They made a plan to ‘become friends’ and have never looked back.
Barby was inspired to remain close friends with Lee after growing up in a household where her parents ‘hated each other’.
The only time she ever saw her parents in the same room as each other was tragically at her sister’s funeral.
Her parents divorced when she was four years old and Barby was told to ignore the fact her father even existed.
It was her experience of living in a family, torn apart by a broken marriage, that led Barby to take a very different approach.
Barby added: ‘My parents hated each other.
‘I decided that if I ever divorced, I would never put my children through what I went through.
‘It will stick with me forever. I want to teach my children how to be decent people.’
Lee and Mike are good friends (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
The first time the big happy family spent Christmas together was in 2016, six months after Lee met Miriam and around 15 months after Barby met Mike.
Each member of the family, apart from Tony and Mary, spent Christmas Day at Lee’s parents’ Sandra and John’s house in Eastbourne.
Barby said: ‘It was lovely. We take in turns to cook, we do Secret Santa together and it’s great.
‘Mike did feel a bit uncomfortable at first but he relaxed as the day went on.
‘Miriam was also there with her boyfriend’s ex-wife and it has been tough for both Mike and Miriam to get used to.
‘It has been a long journey for Mike and we spoke about how difficult it was.
‘When we first spoke about it, Lee did ask Mike if he felt uncomfortable taking the place he left and Mike admitted it did.
Mike and Barby (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
‘But Lee also feels uncomfortable with how his children are all over their step-dad Mike.’
It sparked a tradition that looks set to to continue year-on-year, and in 2017 all 11 members of the family booked a bed and breakfast in Brighton for the three day festive period.
Barby married building contractor and dad-of-one, Mike, in September 2018 and Lee and his family were all invited to celebrate the big day.
He sat with his children as their mum walked down the aisle to marry for a second time.
Barby has described her wedding day as ‘one big day of forgive and love’.
She said: ‘It’s everything I ever wanted. It was very special for me to have the father of my children there on my special day.
‘It was ok to get it wrong once but that doesn’t mean we can’t be happy again.
‘It was unreal at first but now it’s normal.
‘We have achieved what we wanted to achieve, five years after we divorced. My children have the best step-dad ever.
‘For me it’s the most wonderful thing ever. We live our lives without anger and resentment. Life’s too short.’
Lee has been in a new relationship for more than two years with Miriam Fadda, 39.
Mike and Lee (Picture: Paul Davey/SWNS)
Miriam is fine with Lee and Barby still being friends, and was totally happy to spend it all together at Christmas.
The two divorcees and their new lovers see each other on a weekly basis, and Lee and Mike are best buds.
They go running together every Wednesday and even babysit for one and other.
But coming to terms with the fact another man was taking his place in what was once his family home wasn’t easy for Lee.
He admits he had to swallow his pride and overcome a sense of jealousy.
Lee said: ‘My natural reaction was to reject it. But he’s a good guy and it makes more sense to swallow my pride and my emotions.
‘We need to be close because we are the two main male figures in my daughter’s lives. We have a deep rooted respect for each other and have each other’s backs.
‘I have had to fight through normal emotions and overcome them.’
Lee describes his breakup with Barby as a classic case of two people ‘growing apart’.
He now sees Barby as more of a younger sister than a former lover and says they have achieved a goal they set out to achieve way back in 2013 after divorce.
She said 2017’s Christmas was the best Christmas ever – and 2018’s was spent in a bigger house, and they were all super excited to spend it all together.
Robert and Avril began a raffle to sell off their £500,000 home in August last year (Picture: SWNS.com)
When retired couple Robert and Avril Smith offered their £500,000 house equipped with a swimming pool and log cabin, for a mere £10 by way of a raffle, it sounded too good to be true.
For those who bought a ticket, it was, as they were told the raffle has now been shut down by the Gambling Commission as it was deemed a potential lottery.
Owners Robert, 75, and wife Avril, 68, allowed entrants the chance to win their home in North Yorkshire if they bought a £10 ticket last year.
But, in a statement posted on the raffle’s website today, the couple revealed they would have to refund everyone who applied.
But the Gambling Comission shut down the contest (Picture: SWNS.com)
(Picture: SWNS.com)
The couple, who have lived in the house near the seaside town of Whitby for over 40 years, were looking to raffle their home off after the death of their daughter three years ago.
In their statement, they wrote: ‘It is with sincere regret and upset that this competition has to close.
‘The Gambling Commission has deemed the competition a potential lottery and not a legal prize competition.
(Picture: SWNS.com)
‘We had hoped to be in a position to offer the house as the prize or, alternatively, cash prizes in accordance with our terms and conditions.
‘The Commission will not let us do either. We understand the disappointment to you all and can only apologise sincerely as well as offer a full refund.
‘As you will have seen my wife and I have been through a lot over the last three years and it was hoped that this would give us the break we need.
‘Unfortunately, we are back to square one. This property is open to offers to purchase.’
Avril, who is in remission from cancer, revealed she wanted to donate 10% of the money raised to Cancer Research UK – which could have raised £60,000 had they gone ahead with the raffle.
Robert had health problems when they first put the property on the market two years ago. He then took the house – which has four bedrooms, an open-air heated swimming pool, a hot tub, and a separate log cabin, off the market, opting to raffle it off. It will now once again go back on the market.
Most of us set ourselves the same goals each year: to lose weight, to quit smoking, to stop drinking alcohol, to stop spending money and to join the gym.
But there are other resolutions we should be making, that will make us feel better about ourselves, not worse.
Our mental health is just as important as our physical health and it’s vital that we treat it that way.
Metro.co.uk spoke with Jessica Boston, a life coach and cognitive hypnotherapist at Glow Bar London, who has helped us devise a list of mental health New Year’s resolutions we should all be making.
1. Practise patience
Jessica says we should give ourselves time to adjust to changes and keep going – so don’t try to change your life all in one day.
It starts with just a single step, so don’t be too hard on yourself. And if you slip, don’t punish yourself. Just try again tomorrow.
2. Learn Lessons
Jessica says: ‘When life gets tough instead of asking “why is this happening to me?” Say to yourself “what is this teaching me?”’
3. Find the joy in the small things
When it comes to social media, we’re constantly seeing other people’s big achievements, which can make us feel bad about ourselves. But celebrate the small things, tiny accomplishments that are significant to your day.
If you’re struggling with depression and you managed to get out of bed, wash your hair or do the washing up, congratulate yourself. That’s a huge step.
If you remembered to eat breakfast or managed to go out for a small walk, feel good about that. Don’t compare yourself to others.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
4. Set a theme
Instead of a resolution, why not set a theme for the year?
Jessica says: ‘Every year I give myself a theme that fits in with my goals.
‘Last year my theme word was magic, so my activities, learnings and lessons were filtered through that word and I had a truly magical year. This year my theme is abundance.’
5. Give yourself self-care days
Take your diary, and implement self-care days into it. Even if it’s just once a month, take a Sunday and set a plan of action of how you’re going to treat yourself that day – movies, face masks and your favourite chocolate sounds like a great plan.
6. Understand yourself
Your brain is trying to turn everything it can into a habit so it can run on an autopilot and save you energy.
Jessica tells us: ‘Once it has learnt a pattern the unconscious will trigger a process in those moments it recognises as its cues.
‘This includes negative thinking. So look out for your cues and understand them better.
‘A cue will be the thing that triggers the way you feel.
‘It could be a negative emotion like stress. Seeing someone you dislike on instagram, it could be a certain situation, a boss, the time of the day, a sound, a smell.
‘Start thinking what goes on in your mind before you do this thing you want to get rid of because every habit of thought becomes a habit of action and your behaviour isn’t random. So when it next comes up think to yourself “what’s that about?”’
7. Use social media in a safe way for your mental health
Unfollow accounts that don’t make you feel good, block those who add negatives to your day.
Stop comparing yourself to people you see on Instagram, remember that people only tend to post the best of their days, so it’s important to remember that everyone has bad days too. Just because they aren’t posted on Instagram, it doesn’t mean you’re alone.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for MEtro.co.uk)
8. Be honest with your feelings
If someone has upset you, tell them. If you’re hurting, feel it. Let this year be the year you acknowledge your feelings instead of bottling them up.
9. Share your goals
Jessica says it’s important to share both your dreams and your fears.
She explains: ‘Us human beings are socially compliant. So use this to your advantage and tell someone about the goals you want to create.
‘Having goals give us purpose, and purpose in life is the best cure against depression.
‘So pick someone you find to be a positive influence in your life then ask them, if you don’t ask, don’t get.’
She adds: ‘Everyone walking the face of the earth has fears, pains and believes in moments they aren’t good enough.
‘Why not allow this year to be a time where you open up and share your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust and find out for yourself first hand that we are all perfectly imperfect and wonderfully weird.’
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
10. Set yourself boundaries
Don’t let people walk all over you. Notice when enough is enough. Set boundaries so that you can’t be taken for granted. It doesn’t make you a bad person, it’s a healthier approach to recognising you have limits, and to take self-care seriously.
11. Abandon perfection
Jessica says: ‘What is perfection anyway? It is a subjective concept, yet so many of us chase it. We beat ourselves up with it and often as soon as we get anywhere close to obtaining what we once thought was perfection our idea of perfection has changed.
‘We are chasing our own altering perception. Forget your perception of perfection, instead embrace who you are today and how your strengths, resources and capabilities are going to help you get closer to who you know you can be more of in the future.’
12. Seek support when you need it
Don’t let your problems swallow you up. Don’t suffer in silence.
Reach out to those closest to you when you need to. Visit your GP when you’re struggling. Things are so much easier when you get everything spinning around in your head out of your system.
Don’t be ashamed to ask for help.
13. Surround yourself with people who are good for you
Stop surrounding yourself with people who make you feel bad. Ditch them. Of course, this isn’t to say you should say goodbye to everyone you have a tiff with – we all go through our own sh*t. But if someone is continuously letting you down, making you feel bad about yourself, or draining all of your energy, get rid of them. Your mental health will thank you for it.
Sex is sex, right? There can’t be that much you can change about it.
But sex trends do indeed exist, whether in terms of the tech we’re using to get off, the type of relationships we have, or our views of sexual acts.
The good news is that it really doesn’t matter if you stay ahead of the curve – as long as you’re having consensual fun, you’re set.
If you are keen on being at the cutting edge of sexual stuff, though, you’re in luck, as sex toy brand Lelo has just released their predictions for the top sex trends of 2019.
Just do everything on the list then pat yourself on the back for being the trendiest, sexiest person ever. Congrats.
Open relationships and polyamory
To be clear, polyamory is absolutely not a new concept. But thanks to documentaries (oh hey, Louis Theroux), celebs, and influencers sharing stories of how polyamory and open relationships can work, the idea of non-monogamy is becoming more widely accepted.
Think of how BDSM was pushed on to everyone’s radar by Fifty Shades of Grey. The same sort of thing is happening with polyamory.
Sex dolls
Not the ones you’re imagining, blow up ones with holes for mouths.
We’re talking fancy sex dolls made to feel and look incredibly lifelike, made with silicone and internal skeletons for a more human feel.
Artificial Intelligence
With the rise of household devices such as Alexa and Google Home, it’s no surprise we’ll start using artificial intelligence in the bedroom, too.
This can range from vibrators that collect your data and adjust to give you an orgasm every time to sex robots who respond to dirty talk and adjust their personalities to fit your desires.
Yes, the techphobes among us will be freaked out, but 2019 will be a cool year when it comes to seeing how far we can take sex tech.
(Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Being single
Blame Ariana Grande.
Lelo reckons that in 2019 we’ll see more women remaining happily single later into their lives, with no desire to get into relationships.
Self-dating will be on the rise, as will treating yourself to all the toys you could ever want to provide satisfaction solo.
Male pleasure
Will 2019 be the year we finally accept that men can enjoy sex toys too?
The sex toy market will launch a bunch of new male sex toys this year, including prostate massagers and masturbation sleeves, which will hopefully normalise something that’s, well, very normal: Using tools to masturbate more effectively.
New sensations
Vibration is great, but Lelo says 2019 will see the rise of newer, fresher ways to stimulate pleasure.
The brand’s Sona sex toy, released in 2018, uses sonic waves to stimulate the clitoris, to drive pleasure much deeper in the body.
You’ll also spot more toys that use pulsing or suction.
