Bigger isn’t always better.

In fact, bigger can be worse.

That’s backed up by new research from Clue, which not only revealed that kindness is the most important thing women look for in a partner, but also that the majority of straight women would prefer a male partner to have an average sized penis, rather than a massive penis.

This might surprise a lot of men who’ve long assumed that the monster schlongs you see in porn must be the ideal.

Not so, men. The research found that while women weren’t especially likely to mention penis size in their desired attributes, when they did they tended to fancy an average sized one – an ‘average penis’ came up in 8% of the qualities listed as the most important, while ‘big penis’ was mentioned in 3% of instances.

FYI, a small penis was mentioned less than 1% of the times, so it’s not that women like things that are cute and miniature, but that average is better than big.

But why?

It seems to come down to physical sensation, discomfort, and how a man’s perception of his penis size might influence his sexual skills.

It’s often assumed that if a man has a big penis, he won’t try as hard, while someone who’s insecure about his average or smaller penis will ‘make up’ for a lack of girth and length with fun techniques and extra foreplay.

Plus, a big penis can very easily be too big, making parts of sex difficult. Giving head to someone with a massive dick is a real choking hazard, for example, while penetration can leave you sore.

‘Too big a penis actually hurts in many cases, and it’s harder to be versatile with positions and thrusting depth,’ Gemma*, 25, tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Also, in past experience, I’ve found that guys with huge dicks think it gives them a free pass not to participate in foreplay and just go straight to penetration.’

Lacey* agrees: ‘I’d prefer normal because my vagina is only like 4-5 inches deep, so there’s not a lot of benefit in a huge cock.

‘I do like a decent girth, but honestly in my experience men who are average tend to have fewer hang ups about it, but also not be lazy in bed.’

That’s important to mention – while men tend to talk about penis size in terms of length, circumference can be more important. But again, it’s possible to be too big.

‘I had sex with a guy who had what I’d describe as a Coke can,’ says Amelia, 28. ‘It sounds great in theory but it was absolutely awful.

‘It was so difficult to get it inside, so every time we had sex there was this awkward bit where we had to check if I was relaxed enough to get him in, then try more foreplay for five minutes, then check again, then foreplay, then check again.

‘Even lubed up it made me wince, and obviously anal was out of the question. He said his penis had caused genuine problems with dating – when he was in his teens and trying to have sex for the first time with his girlfriend, he just wouldn’t fit.

‘He never complained about his penis, just told me that story when I asked if he’d had problems before. I can’t imagine him getting much sympathy if he went to his friends and said his penis was too big.’

When asked about blowjobs, Amelia responses with a simple ‘nope, nope, nope’.

A big penis may be a lovely idea in theory, and it may make a man feel especially manly to know he’s packing something huge in his pants, but it can make sex pretty challenging.

And when the person who experiences the pain and challenges of a big penis is the woman, it makes sense that while men may think a big penis is great, women would far prefer a more average pecker.

Don’t be too miserable if you’re cursed with a giant dick, though.

As we said, penis size really isn’t very high on women’s priority lists. Kindness, supportiveness, intelligence, education, and confidence are the big hitters, according to that Clue research, and in terms of physical stuff an attractive smile and great eyes are considered more important.

Plus, there’s one concern about a massive member you can easily rectify.

While the stereotype goes that men with big penises don’t bother with foreplay or any fun stuff, it’s pretty simple to break that myth. It doesn’t matter how big you are – if you’re prioritizing your sexual partner’s pleasure, you’re doing brilliantly.

*Names have been changed.

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I remember logging onto Tinder and Bumble for the first time and thinking: I’m not supposed to be here. As nearly empty-nesters my husband and I were supposed to be having our time now.

We were looking forward to travelling again, to eating dinners in grown up restaurants, to visits to the cinema that didn’t involve the latest animated Disney classic.

But life can have a cruel way of throwing curveballs in our path.

In 2014 my husband was diagnosed with stage four, incurable cancer.

Gruelling chemo and radiotherapy regimens gave us a year together, and during the brief windows where he was well enough we tried to cram in a lifetime of memories: visits to favourite places, lunches with friends – we even managed a last trip to Glastonbury.

My husband died just a year after he was diagnosed and, aged 46, I became a widow and a single mum to four grieving kids, all under 18.

I stumbled through my grief, trying to hold it all together. Every day was a struggle to get up and function but I needed to work and support my kids through their own sadness. I would get up, fix a smile on my face and go out knowing that when I came home there would be no one to talk to about my day.

Eventually we began to carve out our new normal but one evening I found myself on my own in the house with just the dog for company, thinking: ‘Is this as good as it gets?’

I didn’t want to be on my own forever – nor would my husband would have wanted that.

I decided to sign up to some dating apps, asking single friends to help me write what I hoped sounded like an interesting and upbeat profile, and chose my most flattering pictures. I decided to be upfront about being widowed so put it on my profile, being clear to mention that it didn’t define me.

It was, after all, the reason I was on a dating app and in many ways, it’s a lot more straightforward: there is no ex, I’m clearly not still married and while sad, my situation is actually a lot less complicated than a lot of people’s.

As I started nervously swiping, it all felt weirdly superficial. I could google someone and read all about someone before we’d even met – or I could discount them on something as shallow as how tall they were.

Being judged by a picture (and judging others on theirs), was new, too: I hadn’t even liked my husband when I first met him but as we got to know each other we just clicked.

In this new dating world, I probably wouldn’t have even swiped right on my husband. It was clear that not only had my life moved on, but the world of dating also had too.

I jumped out of my skin when the phone pinged with matches. There were men out there interested in me? It felt good that someone had thought my profile intriguing enough to match with me.

I’ve been on lots of dates since I first started dating and I’ve made some great friends – in fact making friends seems to be my speciality.

I’ve met men who had posted fake photos and have turned out to be at least 10 years older and I’ve met men who said they’re looking for a relationship but in reality are just looking for a one night stand.

There were a few short term relationships but none have worked out, mainly because we wanted different things.

One guy ended things after a few dates with a text that read: ‘I don’t want to be the one to break your heart’, which struck me as particularly arrogant. Having lost my husband, the most heartbreaking thing had already happened. You’d have to try really hard to break it even more.

I was quite raw and naive when I started online dating but I’ve now grown in confidence. I’m not willing to take second best but I’m also determined to have fun exploring my new life. I am not the person I was – I am a new version of me. And despite recently turning 50 I’m not on the shelf. Life is there for the taking.

The main thing I’ve learned, however, is that I am no longer looking for love. When I started online dating I rushed into it, with the sole thought that I didn’t want to be on my own for the rest of my life.

Now, if love happens I’m ready to embrace it but I don’t want to replicate what I had with my husband. I want companionship, fun, someone to walk alongside me but who also allows me space – a sort of ‘fanciable friend’. It’s what I miss the most from my marriage, but I’ve had time to appreciate being on my own and becoming my own person and I don’t want to lose either.

Online dating can be fun and maybe one day I’ll find someone with whom I have a spark but true love is about real connection.

Life’s journey so far has taught me that our capacity to love, and to overcome the bad times, is far greater than we think it is. Love is not finite: we’re not born with a limited amount, and our understanding of love, and our ability to love, grows as we do.

What I felt for my husband on our wedding day only evolved and the love I felt for him when he died was stronger and deeper. That will never leave me but a new journey of love may still grow one day, when the time is right.

Last week in Love, Or Something Like It: Dating in the countryside takes an acquired sense of humour

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So much of the world’s population is depressed, you’d think we’d all have a clear understanding of it by now. One in four people in the UK are thought to struggle with their mental health.

But (stay with me here, I’m not being hyperbolic) depression isn’t like a regular illness, like the flu, it’s more of a complicated disease that we don’t fully understand, can’t yet totally cure, affects everyone differently and has different stages, and that can often be fatal. It’s more like cancer.

Just like cancer, the illness can be ‘beaten’ and bodies can be rid of it, but they’ll need regular checks to monitor a possible return. Just like cancer can happen to the healthiest of people and depression can happen to the funniest, a minor blip of strength is something that should be celebrated – of course – but doesn’t mean that the patient is ‘all better’.

Often the moments of strength are simply all a show for friends and family anyway, as we all tend to want to conceal our true pain from those we love.

But sometimes, sometimes the positive blips can be real, and believe me when I say they’re just as confusing for the patient as they are for the friends and family.

Personally I very much fall into the ‘this is all a fake song and dance for you’ gang, and there are very few things or occasions which actually make me feel some feelings.

However, the things that do are usually the most inconsequential and trivial (despite the amount of gravitas I award to Supermarket Sweep) that it’s easy to fall into the ‘ohmygodIamtotallybetternow!’ trap.

It always comes back, but it’s good to enjoy the light when it shines for a bit, and probably the best time for me to answer any questions about handling and managing my depression, if anyone were to have any I haven’t already tried to answer, as when I’m really down the last thing I want to do is talk about it.

Karen feels similar to this, telling Metro.co.uk: ‘When I’m in a good mood, I like to be asked about my general day (how is my work going? how was my yoga class? What books am I reading or Netflix shows I’m watching?). I find open questions much easier to answer and if I feel like mentioning my mental health I could do.

‘My close friends and family know that if I’m not going to the gym, reading something or working on a project then my mental health has taken a downward turn.

‘I find it difficult when someone directly asks ‘are you feeling better?’ as if depression is the same as a cold or tummy bug.

‘Some days I’m able to be mindful and in the present moment, which is when I’m in a comparatively good mood, but that doesn’t mean my depression is ‘over’ or ‘cured’, it just means I’m managing it well on that particular day.’

Melody tells us that she too prefers to talk about her illness when she’s feeling comparatively ‘good’, as it’s so difficult to talk about it when she’s down.

‘I’m happy to talk about my depression when I’m in a good mood, and sometimes it can help both me and people around me to understand how the feelings change for me, especially if I couldn’t explain it when I was at the bottom,’ she says.

Rosie says that she can ‘only really talk about depression when I’m in a comparably good mood. The thought fog, lethargy and empty feeling of depression make talking about much of anything seem absurdly complicated [when it’s feeling bad].

‘In a good mood, I like to try and get to the gym as much as possible to keep the good mood going and to almost “offset” those bad times when I can barely move. I do sometimes feel like a fraud though, as on my best days it would seem as though nothing is wrong with me.

‘I think the contrast between good days and bad days can be uncomfortable as best and extremely jarring at worst for people close to me.’

So, it seems to be a fairly common trait of depression that it’s easier to think about how you’re going to manage it when the fog has lifted a bit. But how would someone best approach The Great Depressed when they’re in a seemingly good mood, without bringing them back down again?

I say, just go for it. You don’t need to worry about ‘bringing someone back down’ because they’re there already, really.

Asking questions such as ‘how has your depression been feeling lately?’ or ‘how have you been finding your exercise/medication/therapy/walks/anything else someone is trying to do to help themselves?’ gives an opportunity for someone to talk it through if they want to, or to simply say that they’d rather not.

You’re not doing anything wrong by asking about it gently. Chances are, someone with depression will always have it with them in some form, but being supported by the people they care about is a huge, huge help.

The ‘good moods’ don’t mean depression has buggered off, but they might well be a more regular occurrence with the right kind of support.

If you or a loved one is struggling with mental health, you can find a qualified local counsellor in your area with Counselling Directory . Mental health charity Mind also offer counselling services, and you can call The Samaritans on 116123 (UK and ROI). If you can, visit your GP for further advice.

To talk about mental health in a private, judgement-free zone, join our Mentally Yours Facebook group.

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Strong Women is a weekly series that champions diversity in fitness and sport.

Every week we are celebrating the women who have overcome adversity – big or small – and are redefining what strength means to them.

So often women are told that they have to look a certain way in order to be healthy and strong – but women of any age, race, size and ability can be fit, strong and love their bodies.

By highlighting different stories of strength, we hope to empower more women to feel welcome in the world of fitness and feel confident enough to get active.

Cornelia Oosthuizen is a professional wheelchair tennis player. She was discharged from the Army and left in severe pain after an injury – but finding a talent for wheelchair tennis turned her fortunes around.

Tell us about your injury and diagnosis – how did it affect your life?

I used to be in the British Army and served for just over ten years – I was an army tennis player; captain of the Army ladies’ team for some time.

We had some success at the combined service championships which rather fabulously was hosted at Wimbledon which obviously I, as a tennis player, was like: ‘oh wow’. So I’ve always been a keen tennis player.

My first childhood dream was to win Wimbledon, as I’m sure a lot of tennis players will say.

I served in the military and was injured – nothing heroic, not on operations luckily – but I developed a condition in the summer of 2014 when I was injured, ironically while I was playing tennis; a neurological chronic pain condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome (or CRPS for short).

Essentially that is a malfunction of the nervous system and it communicates to the brain that the effected limb is in pain, whether that limb is actually in pain or not.

It was a severe level of pain to the extent that I had to go onto very strong medication – including opioids and morphine related tablets. This led to me being discharged from the military in spring 2016.

I continued to deal with the condition and the rehabilitation issues and trying to do everything I could to sort out the CRPS, which was fairly all-consuming and my life changed quite a bit as a result.

However, because of my military linkage, a friend of mine from army tennis days coaxed me into going for the trials of the Invictus Games in 2017, so I thought although I was limited to what I could and couldn’t do physically, I trialled out for a few different sports, including wheelchair tennis.

I absolutely loved it. It was not a hard sell; footwork was never a strength so it was handy to be on wheels! And I was very lucky to make the team for the Invictus Games in Toronto in 2017.

We did very well in terms of the GB contingent there, the first doubles team won the gold and my partner and I took the bronze medal.

I was ‘talent’ spotted by the LTA and invited to the adult development programme at the end of the year.

In 2018 I self-funded getting myself on to the wheelchair tennis tour, sort of in a semi-pro capacity, and managed to get myself into the top 50 by the end of last year.

I was then invited by the LTA to become a performance player and turned professional – just January of this year – which is fabulous.

I get out of bed every day and think: ‘This is the best job I have had in my life’ – I’ve had a few good ones, don’t get me wrong, but this is by far the best.

So life in a weird way has come full circle and I am now a tennis pro and the immediate target is to qualify for Tokyo for the Paralympics; and develop my game to medal in Paris in 2024.

And clearly to get my ranking so I can compete in – and hopefully win – a grand slam, Wimbledon being the top one for obvious reasons!

What have been the biggest obstacles in your development as a tennis player?

From a technical perspective – obviously we’re very lucky that wheelchair tennis is fundamentally very similar to able-bodied tennis – apart from the fact that the ball can bounce twice, which is very handy in a wheelchair.

What I found tricky however, as I was used to playing able bodied, was that the movement was very different and counter-intuitive to how I had played before. I want to move sideways and towards the ball – as opposed to diagonally and away from the ball.

I struggled with coming to terms with the chair as an extension of my body. Getting the chair to help you maintain momentum – working with it – is something I am developing and there is some way to go there in terms of changing my mind-set.

Mentally, I think it’s about getting used to developing your abilities at a much higher level than as a recreational player.

It is a very different mentality to be a tennis ‘pro’, and again it’s a wonderful challenge to develop your game and your mentality.

From a physical perspective, before I had my amputation, which was at the back end of last year, dealing with the chronic pain and medication and the side effects was arguably the most tricky aspect of trying to optimise the opportunity I was given.

It was tricky to manage to be physically robust enough to have enough energy to do a proper job on the tennis court – when you practice and when you train, versus the body just dealing with chronic pain non-stop – there were limits to what I could achieve with the medication I was on.

The side effects had a significant effect on my cognitive abilities, but since the amputation, luckily things seem to be going really well in terms of the chronic pain, which seems to have dissipated which is great.

I still have some acute and sometimes phantom limb syndrome, which most amputees tend to, but in terms of what it used to be, it’s a very different world and I am trying to wean off medication in total which has made a big difference physically, mentally and emotionally.

What do you love about tennis? How has it helped you come to terms with your disability?

I’m a tennis geek!

The catalyst was my CRPS. I was always a very active person and my life turned pretty much on its head when I was diagnosed.

Initially, I wasn’t able to do much of anything physically and my ability to walk was increasingly affected. The extent of the pain I was in and the side-effects of the medication really just cocooned my life, and became all-consuming.

I was initially loathe to try wheelchair tennis – probably a reluctance to come to terms with my ‘disability’ – but I decided I had to go and see what I could do now I was differently abled.

As soon as I got that feeling back – I was competitive, I loved sport, especially tennis and after that first session I just thought – ‘what took you so long?!’

So then I was hooked. It was a constructive outlet to re-balance my life and get back to engaging with the world around me – which I had avoided with my CRPS. I’ve been very, very fortunate with the trajectory that I’d had as a result.

The Invictus Games meant I was also selected for the Paralympic Inspiration Programme through Help for Heroes, and all of that re-engagement with life through sport has brought me to a place where I’m so much more positive, mentally and emotionally, than a year or so ago.

It’s not just down to the tennis and the sport, but that is a massive part of it.

What advice would you give to other women with this condition?

It’s different for each individual and I think a lot of it depends on the support network that you may or may not have access to, but beyond that, ultimately it comes down to you making a choice.

Initially you do feel sorry for yourself. It is a loss and you do mourn; for the person you used to be physically and what you were able to do. It’s right and proper to have that time-frame, but there comes a time where you choose to put that behind you and move on.

I think we’re lucky in this country and at this time, that technology is unprecedented – it’s almost criminal not to give something a shot because you might actually find that you are pleasantly surprised at what you still can do, or what you can do differently.

With the Invictus Games for example, I thought I would give golf a try, which was never on my radar and I really, really enjoyed it and found it, in a way, quite therapeutic which was an added benefit.

In a nutshell, my advice would be – just go it. You have nothing to lose and there are just two outcomes: You’re going to realise that this is not for me, or you’re going to go about it in a different way and discover something new.

Whether recreational or elite, sport just changes people’s lives – they re-engage, you see the sparkle reappear in their eyes and it takes away some of the more difficult aspects that a disability or illness perhaps, may have on your life.

What does the term ‘strong woman’ mean to you?

If I have to try and distill it, it probably comes down to two things – from a personal perspective, it’s two words: ‘choice’ and ‘faith’.

My faith plays a big part in my life and it has certainly helped with tricky bits – it’s definitely something that enables me to be a ‘strong-ish’ woman.

And the other one is choice – it’s sometimes easier said than done, but fundamentally you have a choice about whether to go for something, choose to see the positives, or not.

I think that strength is to choose to get up again when you fail, whatever that ‘failure’ may look like in broader life.

Being a strong woman infers that you learn from those failures and you give it another shot. You keep at it.

Inspired by Cornelia’s story? Check her out in the LTA’s new short-film and get on court this summer with a host of free, open weekends and opportunities to play.

Pregnancy and having a baby changes the body in lots of ways. Some more obvious than others.

Sure there’s the belly, the bigger boobs, the swollen feet – but what about the changes that you can’t see?

Being pregnant actually puts a huge amount of strain on the pelvic floor – the muscles between your pubic bone and backbone that support your bladder, vagina, uterus and bowel.

During pregnancy and after giving birth, it’s really important to do everything you can to strengthen and support these muscles – if they get too weak it can lead to to stress incontinence. And nobody wants to leak every time they sneeze.

We asked Tiffany Hall, a resident trainer for Chris Hemsworth’s new health and fitness app, Centr, for the best exercises to strengthen pelvic floor muscles.

Tiffany is a mum herself and an expert in high intensity interval training and resistance training. Her whole ethos is that her workout is accessible for pregnant women and new mums to try anywhere.

‘Exercising your pelvic floor can be done anywhere, anytime, and doesn’t require any fancy gym equipment. However, before commencing any new exercise, have a quick chat with your GP – even just for peace of mind,’ says Tiffany.

‘They’ll guide you in terms of frequency and intensity, ensuring you don’t overdo it.’

The best pelvic floor exercises for pregnancy

Kegels

Remember Samantha from Sex and The City doing these exercises at a cocktail bar? Kegels are just a fancy name for contracting and relaxing your pelvic floor muscles.

The best way to perform kegels is to imagine you’re holding your bladder mid-pee – this engages your pelvic floor muscles.

Contract these muscles and hold for five seconds, then release for five seconds. Try repeating this 10 times, three times a day.

Walking hip raises

I love this exercise because the position really helps you to feel the feedback from your pelvic floor.

Begin by lying flat on the ground, hands by your side, and your knees bent at a 45-degree angle.

Now lift your right leg off the ground until your right thigh is vertical and your knee creates a 90-degree angle. Squeeze your glutes and make sure your core is activated by drawing your bellybutton into your spine.

Now lift up through your pelvic floor, connecting from back to front and connecting through the muscles between your hip bones. Lower your right leg and repeat on the other side.

Try three sets of 10 reps.

Squats

Squats are a double win – giving your pelvic floor and your glutes some TLC.

Stand tall with your feet hip-width apart. If this is uncomfortable, step your feet out wider and point them outwards at 45-degrees (this is the stance for a sumo squat, which may also help you feel more connection through the pelvic floor).

Now drive your hips backwards as your knees begin to bend. Remember to keep your back straight, chest up and stick your butt out as if you are sitting on a chair that isn’t there.

As you lower yourself, reach forward until your arms are parallel with the ground. Return to the starting position and repeat.

Try three sets of 10 reps.

Crab reaches

This is one of my faves as it works the lot: lower back, obliques, pelvic floor and glutes.

Start in a reverse tabletop position, with your hands facing away from your body and your butt a few centimetres off the ground.

Then lift your hips as you reach your right hand overhead and slightly to the left. Lower yourself back to the starting position and repeat on the other side.

Don’t forget to activate your core, squeeze your glutes and connect up through the pelvic floor.

Try three sets of 10 reps each side.

Bird dog

The name is funny, but this exercise is great for strengthening your pelvic floor and core, as well as improving balance and coordination.

Begin on all fours with your hands directly under your shoulders and your knees directly under your hips.

Now gently scoop your abs into your spine. Keeping your back and pelvis still, tailbone tucked under, reach your right arm forward and left leg back – reach through your left heel to engage the muscles in the back of the leg and your butt.

Return to the starting position and repeat on the other side, always keeping the core activated and pelvic floor connected.

Try three sets of 10 reps on each side.

Boss your bladder

Specific exercises aren’t the only thing you can do to keep your pelvic floor and bladder in order:

• Hold and squeeze your pelvic floor muscles before you sneeze, cough, jump or lift.
• Empty your bladder completely when you go to the toilet – and don’t go ‘just in case’. This can create fake sensations of urgency.
• Avoid returning to intense weight training straight away after giving birth. Also avoid lifting heavy loads.
• Don’t avoid drinking water – you need it as well as fibre-rich foods to help your digestive system.

As well as these handy tips, Tiffany says that it isn’t all down to you – don’t feel like you can’t opt for specialist help if you feel that you need it.

‘If you want extra guidance or help exercising your pelvic floor muscles, I’d suggest seeing a physiotherapist who specialises in women’s health,’ says Tiffany.

‘You may need a personalised program to help your pelvic floor muscles get back into shape.

‘And remember, all training takes time, so be patient and kind to your body – you’re a mum now and, in my eyes, a real-life superhero.’

We couldn’t agree with her more.

There is so much pressure on new mums and pregnant women to jump straight back into fitness – but when you’re caring for a new little life it is completely normal for your priorities to change.

So listen to your body and only start exercising when it feels right for you.

Feeling frisky?

You’re probably not the only one keen on getting freaky in the sheets today.

A new piece of research has officially dubbed Saturday 27 July as the sexiest day of 2019, and it has even set a peak shagging time: 10pm to 11pm tonight – so if you are going to bed early, it’s worth investing in some ear plugs.

The survey, which was conducted by IllicitEncounters, the dating website for married people, found that this is the perfect combination of day, time and month.

So what is the reason for this extra horny behaviour?

Apparently, we’ve got the heatwave to thank for this boost in sexual activity.

For the majority of this week, we have been doing our best to avoid human contact in close encounters (like bumping into moist strangers on the tube), but a day in the sun can do wonders for the sex drive – and there are ways to have sex in unbearably hot weather, too.

Just because it’s too hot to breathe, it doesn’t mean the desire goes away.

But the weather has turned and the sky is looking gloomy – which means we won’t meet any hotties while sunbathing in the park – so does this still mean we’re going to have a lot of sex today? Probably.

In many ways, it is still the ultimate day to bone.

Firstly, the much-needed weather change is cause for celebration.

And what’s more, yesterday was payday – and having money in the bank tends to put people in a good mood.

It’s also Saturday, which means you can have brunch sex, BBQ sex, afternoon sex, lazy sex, crazy sex, really – all kinds of sex – without having to worry about Monday morning (that’s what Sundays are for).

Not sure how to celebrate the day of sex?

If you’re in bed with a lover, give the 70 sex position a go. It’s sort of like the 69, but requires a bit more effort.

And don’t worry if you’re sunburned, we’ve got you covered with the best sex positions for maximum pleasure, minimal touching.

If you’re by yourself, why not crank things up a notch? Light some aromatic candles, put on some sultry music and let yourself drift off to orgasm land.

Or pop by a sex shop and invest in a new toy.

Self-love is just as sexy as getting down with someone else.

 ‘Get ready for Sexy Saturday – when we will be having more sex than any other day in 2019,’ said Jessica Leoni, sex and relationship expert at IllicitEncounters.

‘There is a perfect combination of elements this weekend that will see couples getting it on more than any other time of the year.’

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How did we get to a place where gender reveal parties spark massive wildfires and a food company thinks a gender reveal lasagne is a perfectly reasonable thing to create?

You can put some blame on Jenna Karvunidis, 39, the blogger behind High Gloss and Sauce.

Jenna doesn’t claim to have invented the concept of a gender reveal party – surely others must have attempted similar stunts before her – but she can be credited with popularising the movement.

Way back in the heady days of 2008, Jenna put on a party to reveal to friends and family the gender of her first child.

‘At my party I made two cakes (one with each colour of filling),’ Jenna tells Metro.co.uk. ‘Then I covered them in yellow buttercream and made one smaller cake that looked like a ducky head.

‘I had my sister-in-law peek in the doctor’s envelope and place the ducky head on the right cake. She brought it our to the BBQ and we cut it in front of the family. It was the most basic of gender reveal parties.’

After writing about the party on a parenting forum, Jenna was interviewed by pregnancy magazine The Bump – ‘and the idea kinda spread from there’.

From that first cultural covering of a party dedicated to revealing an unborn child’s gender, a trend picked up and snowballed, becoming increasingly ridiculous and a target of pisstaking.

Brands hopped on the trend to reveal their own methods of revealing a baby’s gender – Game of Thrones dragon eggs, for example, confetti canons, and balloons to stab with a pin to unleash their coloured glitter.

As Jenna puts it, gender reveal parties as a concept ‘exploded into crazy’. They’ve officially gone too far.

Now, maybe words of wisdom from the person who made them a thing will stop the madness.

Jenna isn’t proud of her contribution to popular culture. In fact, she deeply regrets it, taking to Facebook to explain that soon after her party she realised just how silly it was to focus on an unborn child’s assigned gender.

‘I’ve felt a lot of mixed feelings about my random contribution to the culture,’ the mum-of-three wrote. ‘It just exploded into crazy after that. Literally – guns firing, forest fires, more emphasis on gender than has ever been necessary for a baby. 

‘Who cares what gender the baby is? I did at the time because we didn’t live in 2019 and didn’t know what we know now – that assigning focus on gender at birth leaves out so much of their potential and talents that have nothing to do with what’s between their legs.’

Then she revealed a cheering plot-twist: the baby who was ‘revealed’ in the first gender reveal party doesn’t neatly fit into restrictive gender binaries and stereotypes. She’s a girl who wears suits. 

After that one cake-themed reveal, Jenna didn’t do another. 11 years on, the woman who started gender reveal parties calls for an end to the trend.

‘I started seeing them as annoying and problematic years ago,’ she tells us. ‘I cringe every time I see them.

‘At first I was like, “oh cool, people like my idea. I should have capitalized on that!” but now I see them on TV shows like This Is Us and I can’t stand the whole idea.

‘I’m not the party police. I don’t want to shame people for enjoying their news and I love when people get creative with anything. I just wish we could pivot towards maybe “pregnancy reveal” parties where you tell everyone you’re expecting and have cakes of all colors. I don’t know – just not the gender ones. They’re canceled.’

When asked if she regrets popularising the concept, Jenna’s response says it all.

‘Didn’t the guy who invented gun powder go insane from guilt? Something like that but less dramatic.’

MORE: Couple cut their wedding budget to just £370 – but still have their dream big day

MORE: Parents looking for ‘festival nanny’ to look after their kids while they party

MORE: Parents, you can buy a £6.99 ‘pee cup’ so your kids can go anywhere without mess

Women fake orgasms during sex for many reasons.

Some, often at the start of their sex lives, may not have figured out the best way to get themselves off or are unsure how to vocalise this to a partner.

Others might find it easier to orgasm on their own and prefer to do so, rather than climax during sex – but don’t want to hurt their lover’s feelings.

Whatever the reason, a new study has found that three out of four women have at some point faked an orgasm, and that they do so every third time they have sex.

The research included a survey of 463 straight British women with an average age around 38 and was published in the Archives of Sexual Behaviour.

It also revealed that feminist values could affect orgasm frequency.

According to the results, the participants who displayed ‘anti-feminist values’ had faked more orgasms in their lifetime, compared to feminists – who had done so far less times.

Additionally, if a woman believed she had to orgasm in order for the man to feel good in bed, she was also more likely to have pretended to climax at least once.

‘It may reflect a hesitancy to communicate honestly and openly about sex, including sexual preferences and difficulty experiencing orgasms,’ the study reads.

It’s worth noting the study was fairly small, however it did take into account facts such as sexual history and how easily the women in question orgasm, as well as their overall view of faking orgasms and whether this had been influenced by ‘suspected partner infidelity’.

‘Women who find it difficult to orgasm and women who suspect a partner of cheating are the most likely to have faked an orgasm,’ said lead researcher Dr Emily Harris from Queens University in Canada.

If you’re regularly making sounds in bed that aren’t real, it’s time to have a chat with the person you’re sleeping with.

Or if you prefer, simply lead their hand to where you want it and show them how you like to be touched.

Life’s too short to keep faking it.

MORE: Women want their ideal partner to have an average penis, not a big one – why?

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Under normal circumstances I would be pleased that, for the first time in British history, Downing Street looks set to be occupied by an unmarried couple.

However, as this couple is prime minister Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds it cannot be viewed as a progressive step.

Johnson is capable of misogyny and is clearly much more calculating than his ‘gaffes’ would suggest, who once described people of my race as ‘piccaninnies’ and who has stuffed his cabinet with a ‘rag-tag bunch of dead-eyed capitalists’ as my colleague wrote for gal-dem.

Meanwhile Carrie Symonds is the former director of communications at the Conservative Party headquarters where she was responsible for helping to keep this despicable man in power during his era as London mayor.

Nevertheless, on a very personal note, their news comes hot on the heels of a personal time of upheaval. In about two months time I’ll be moving in with my boyfriend of two years, the love of my life, bae etc.

I’m pretty excited, and naturally, being of the millennial generation, we haven’t even had to think about the prospect of marriage.

The number of unmarried couples cohabiting more than doubled from 1996 to 2017, when there were 3.3million doing the thing without the ring. But, perhaps unlike the happy couple currently booking their moving vans (and who reportedly bought a £1.3 million house together in Camberwell a few weeks back after only dating for 18 months), I’m taking this move very seriously.

Meanwhile, some of my friends, and my boyfriend himself, are lovingly taking the piss. In some ways, it’s fair enough. I will admit I have been reading badly-written articles from women’s sites for about six months in preparation for the move and sending them to my boyfriend intermittently.

They have generic titles like ‘How to prepare to move in with your partner for the first time’ and ‘These seven steps will mean that moving in with your boyfriend will be great’.

Not all of the advice in them is particularly helpful but I have heard too many horror stories on places like Reddit about couples who moved in together without opening up lines of communication.

A recent post told the story of a woman who was out walking one day with her boyfriend when he said he wanted ice cream. Instead of, you know, buying one, the boyfriend grabbed an ice cream out of a stranger’s hand and ran off with it and back to their shared apartment. ‘I of course demanded an explanation. He had the balls to deny he’d done anything!’ she wrote.

And while I know, obviously, that sometimes people are good at hiding their quirks, what I’m hoping is by forcing my boyfriend to talk through some of these weird articles and start thinking about ‘money taboos’ and ‘being honest about who you truly are’ we might avoid a situation as bizarre as this, when you realise that you perhaps don’t quite know the person who you love (near best) in the world as well as you thought.

I’m not wishing good luck to Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds in their move – I hope it goes disastrously in the political sense and they getting unceremoniously kicked out at the next election – but I am wishing good luck and good sense to all those out there considering moving in with a partner.

It might feel cringey or too forced to plan the natural progression of your relationship, but you never know, it might save someone’s ice cream. And in this heat, everyone deserves a cold treat.

MORE: Who is Boris Johnson’s girlfriend Carrie Symonds and how long have they been together?

MORE: Boris Johnson and Carrie Symonds could be Downing Street’s first unmarried couple

MORE: Our hobbies must be protected from the culture of the side-hustle

If you’re a woman, it’s highly likely that you have at some point in your life faked an orgasm during sex.

We’re not just saying that; new research suggests that three in four women have faked it at least once.

In fact, some do it every third time they have sex.

To find out why women are denying themselves a real climax in bed and instead opting for fake sounds and shivers, we asked them: why do you fake it?

Petra*, 26

I do it all the time.

Men are so bad at making you cum. They will rub you till your skin comes off so it’s better to nip it in the bud early, simply so they can stop giving me carpet burn.

I have never told a man I’ve faked it because I feel it would hurt their masculinity. Have you seen their face when they’re trying to do it?

It’s like a dog and you can’t upset a dog.

Those eyes – never.

I’ve faked my orgasms for the majority of my sex life, I’ve only not faked for three people.

Fran*, 27

I hardly ever fake it, but when I do it’s almost always just to hurry things up, not really to boost their ego.

Sometimes you also just want to go to sleep, and faking it speeds up the process.

I rarely do this though, because I can almost never come through penetrative sex so faking it is basically pointless.

Julie*, 30

This one guy just would not stop and my vagina was feeling raw from having sex for hours, so it happened.

Now, it’s a point of pride that I don’t fake it.

I just don’t see the point, because I would hope that the man I’m with would rather I spoke up and told him I can’t get there or that he needs to mix things up. If a man is mature enough to have sex, he should be mature enough to be able to handle a little guidance.

It’s the exact same the other way around; if he’s too drunk or exhausted to finish, that’s fine.

More often than not, taking a break actually feels like a good thing, because then we can just pick up where we left off, when we’re both ready.

Belle*, 31

If the sex is shit or if you are not going to come, just get it over with.

Clearly I need to source better dick.

Betty*, 24

I have faked orgasms.

One particularly memorable time was with a guy where I knew it just wasn’t going to happen, but he seemed determined and wouldn’t stop until I finished. I just faked it to get it over with.

I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, because the logic behind his actions were sweet.

We’d also hooked up before and then it was all fine and dandy.

Also, I had just started taking anti-depressants so it was my biological issue, not his.

I don’t regret it, because it’s just one of those things and it’s not the only time I’ve done it.

When I was younger and new to sex, I faked it a few times but that’s beacause at 19, I thought that’s what you do.

Then I learned otherwise and now I no longer do it.

Shelly*, 25

I have faked millions of orgasms, usually because I am not feeling it/ bored and want to speed up the sex being over.

I’ve never told my partners, because I just feel like it would be awkward.

Maybe I’m missing out, I’m not sure, but I just have so little faith in men’s abilities.

The only time I can orgasm is with my vibrator, but I’ve only ever used it with boyfriends – never casual flings.

Paula*,  27

The past two weeks I’ve been having a bad time.

I’ve been in a funk, you might say. I’m down in the dumps. It’s a case of the mondays, but every day. I’m having a severe depressive episode with suicidal ideation, if you want to get into mental health diagnoses.

As someone with depression and OCD, this happens sometimes. It’s normal, and it’s a reminder that just because I have a good day and my medication seems to be doing the trick, it doesn’t mean my mental illness is cured.

But this particular low spell has been especially tricky to get out of, because my usual trick of rationalising clearly illogical depressive thoughts doesn’t work when, well, they’re accurate.

My main cycle of miserable, tear-inducing thoughts in this particular bad spell has been variations of this: ‘Everything I do is pointless because whatever good I do in the world, people will still die and the world is still shit. I’m probably contributing more bad to the world than good and I should either go hide in a hole forever or just waddle off this mortal realm entirely.’

Now, if you’ve been in CBT or any other sort of therapy, you’ll know that a key part of dealing with intrusive thoughts like these is providing counter-evidence.

So you think all your friends hate you? What evidence do you have to prove that? None? Okay, so your friends probably don’t hate you and that’s just the depression or anxiety talking. That sort of thing.

We’re in a sorry state of affairs, and the thought patterns that would usually be categorised as mentally ill catastrophising are suddenly valid.

Applying this tactic to my current thoughts is tricky because all the evidence to prove my thoughts is there – I just have to gesture at the general state of the earth and people will go ‘ah, yeah, you’re right, the world is shit.’

The political leaders of the UK and US are both embarrassing and highly dangerous fools. Children are being separated from their parents and put in cages. Homelessness in the UK has hit a record high. We’re in a climate change crisis and the world we inhabit is burning to a crisp.

We’re in a sorry state of affairs, and the thought patterns that would usually be categorised as mentally ill catastrophising are suddenly valid.

The depressed part of my brain has a simple response: just give up. It’s all pointless.

Thankfully, I’m able to ask for help, or for someone to say ‘that particular response is total nonsense, please stick around and keep doing what you’re doing’.

But once you’ve realised giving up entirely isn’t an option, what next? How do you stop yourself sinking into a perfectly logical pit of despair?

It sounds counterintuitive, but the first step is understanding that you are not the most important, all powerful person in the world.

You are one individual in a rising sea of billions. You alone cannot figure out the meaning of life, remove political power from buffoons, ensure every human in the world has food and shelter, stop people from dying, and save the planet from impending destruction.

That might be hard to come to terms with, but it’s the truth. You are one person and you may need to readjust your goals.

But that doesn’t mean your life is pointless. That doesn’t mean you can’t get anything done.

While you can’t save the world alone, you can make a difference. And if lots of us try our best to do some good, we can actually work towards solving all those problems you’re panicking about.

So the answer isn’t giving up because you can’t do it all, but changing the goal posts so you can actually see them if you squint.

No, you probably can’t end worldwide homelessness, but you can help one person find a home. You can volunteer for a shelter. You can create petitions, protest, and demand poltical action.

You can’t put an end to climate change solo, no matter how many plastic straws you avoid. But you can call on major polluters to change their ways. You can clear plastic from your closest body of water and make your corner of the planet as green and eco-friendly as possible.

You are making a change, and it’s deeply unfair to apply those all or nothing parameters to the good you do. You don’t have to change everything – do what you can and be proud if it helps to improve things, even if that’s in a way that seems teeny-tiny.

Everyone has a part to play in getting the world back into shape. You do your bit and know that that’s ‘enough’.

But you also have to give yourself a break.

While the answer to the world being a terrible place definitely isn’t burying our heads in the sand and declaring everything is fine, it’s also not especially helpful to ruminate on the bad stuff so obsessively that you’re curled up in a ball crying for hours a day (and by you, yes, I do mean me).

You can’t do your little bit to make things better if you’re feeling awful, and the same way you can’t give yourself the pressure of sorting everything out, you can’t portion all the world’s guilt onto your lone shoulders.

The golden ticket is hope and the knowledge that change is possible. Things have been different before, they will be again, and they could get better.

You’re not the only one feeling this way and itching to make things right, and while you might be out for the count for a little while, everyone else on the same mission can pick up the slack. You focus on looking after yourself until you’re stable again, so then you can do enough good for your comrades now in their slump.

Humanity is a magical system, really. We’re all doing the best we can, and if you’re even thinking about the impact you can have while you’re around, you’re probably on the right track.

Remember that other people are doing the same, and that not being all powerful doesn’t mean you’re powerless.

Do as much good as you can. Answer your depression’s calls to stay in bed by doing stuff that makes things better. And when it’s overwhelming, give yourself permission to shut out all the terrible reality for a bit and get far too invested in Love Island.

You’re doing great.

MORE: How to start exercising to help with your mental health

MORE: Greenpeace delivered the truth about the climate crisis and Mark Field couldn’t cope

How good is your memory?

If you’re the type to change tabs and immediately forget what you were doing, it’s probably not great.

And yet you can still remember all the words to All Star by Smash Mouth. What gives?

There are different types of memory, and while you may excel in one area your brain will be like a sieve in another.

Today we’re going to test out your photographic memory  – how well you can remember an image after gazing upon it for a few seconds – with a quiz from Lenstore.

Just 1.2% of people get a perfect 10 out of 10, apparently, so don’t be too harsh on yourself if you fail miserably.

Here’s how it’s going to work. Take a look at each of the pictures below for around seven seconds (get some else to count so you can focus).

Once you’re done, scroll down and you’ll find a quiz. Don’t scroll back up to look at the pictures, as that’s obviously cheating, and while we won’t know you will have to live with guilt and shame for the rest of your days.

Ready? Let’s go.

Look at each picture for around seven seconds:

…

All done? Now take the test. Don’t scroll up to check anything!

…

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   1. {{::answer.title}}

   2. {{::answer.credit}}

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   3. {{::answer.credit}}

      {{::answer.title}}
   Correct! {{question.customFeedback.correct}}

   Wrong! {{question.customFeedback.wrong}}

Submit

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Share your results

Share your results

Tweet your results

Try again

MORE: How well do you know Mean Girls? Take our quiz and find out

MORE: Women who fake orgasms do it every third time they have sex, says study

Saving money is tricky.

The key is getting organised, setting yourself easy goals, and tricking your brain so you resist the temptation to spend with wild abandon.

Something else that might help is this simple money saving chart, which turns stashing away money into a fun game of bingo.

The chart has 52 squares, each containing a different sum of money.

You pick a different square each week, and whatever the number the box says is how much you move into your savings account.

They’re all fairly small amounts, so it doesn’t feel like a major punishment, and you can quickly rack up a decent bit of extra money for Christmas shopping or anything else you’re saving towards.

FYI, the chart is in Australian dollars, so anyone who fills it in for a year will earn $1,000 – or £558.

You can easily make your own chart in pounds, nicking the same idea and increasing the amounts if you want to save more. Just make sure some squares are small required savings so you don’t feel like you’re constantly sticking to a strict budget.

It’s important to have different amounts available for those weeks when the budget is feeling tight. It’s better to save more when you can than to struggle to meet an unattainable foal.

You can add an element of chance if you’re keen by rolling two dice twice – once for the number of squares across, once for the number of squares down – then choosing your square to save based on the outcome.

The whole idea is to take the decision making out of saving and just make putting away something you have to do – while also having fun.

Medium Sized Family, the blog behind the chart, explains: ‘My advice is to push hard. If you think you can save up $20 this week, try for $22. Pick the highest number you can reasonably save without causing you hardship. (Don’t put money in this account that you should be sending to your mortgage payment.)

‘And for that really rotten week that just will not end, you get a free pass. The week an unexpected rebate check shows up in the mail, cross off a bigger number!

‘Need a bigger challenge? Add a zero to the end of each number.’

Will you be trying this trick?

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Playsuits are a load of faff in most cases.

They’re tricky to get on, they require total nudity when nipping to the toilet, and you need to be very, very lucky to have your torso to leg ratio match up with a playsuit’s proportions.

But playsuits are usually possible to wear, if not easy.

Not so in the case of Steph Thomas, 30, who was sent a playsuit from Boohoo that had no zips or opening to put it on – beyond a neckhole that most people would struggle to wriggle past their calves, let alone their hips.

Steph had paid £10.80 for a Tall Tailored Sleeveless Playsuit from Boohoo, and was stunned to find it had no zips or buttons when it arrived.

Assuming it was a fault, she tweeted Boohoo, writing: ‘May I ask how you suggest I get into this playsuit which has no zips or openings?!

‘I can’t fit my entire body through a neck hole, unfortunately…’

The brand quickly replied and offered a replacement. When the second playsuit arrived it did have a small opening… but Steph still couldn’t get the playsuit on.

Yet again, she had to try to force her body through a neck hole – which didn’t work, for obvious reasons.

She tweeted them again: ‘Thanks @boohoo-cshelp @boohoo for sending me a replacement which HAS an opening!

‘However, I think the neck opening is still not quite big enough for somebody to fit their entire body through….I gave it my best shot and got
this far…’

Along with her message Steph included photos of the playsuit failing to make it past her thighs.

Even if she had managed to squeeze it on, imagine how difficult it would have been to slide it back off every time she needed the toilet.

Steph said: ‘It was totally stitched up! the replacement has the tiniest opening, meaning I had to fit my entire body through the neck.

‘I know playsuits are sometimes hard to get into, but that was another level.

‘I would probably shop there again but let’s just say I am glad there is a free returns policy as my experience with their products are either a hit or a massive miss!’

Boohoo has been approached for comment, but hasn’t responded yet.

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Let’s make something clear from the get-go: pineapple penis does not involve shoving your dick inside an exotic fruit.

Doing so could harm your precious cargo and it is not recommended.

That being said, there is a sexual scenario that involves pineapples, but more on that later.

For now, please step away from the fruit and pull your boxers up before you keep reading.

Contrary to its name, pineapple penis doesn’t actually involve, er, pineapple – but has much more to do with pubic hair.

So, how do you know if you have it?

If you shave the pubes at the base of your dick, and leave it for a few weeks, it is very likely that your penis will be magically transformed into a make-shift pineapple.

The hair forms the leaves, also known as the ‘crown’, while your penis – especially when erect – is the glorious fruit itself.

Urban Dictionary explains it as follows: ‘One to two weeks after shaving your pubes/base of dick. The hairs remind you of the pricks on a pineapple, resulting in a pineapple penis.’

Have you ever been paperclipped?

No, that’s not a strange euphemism or an UrbanDictionary term for a disturbing sex act.

Paperclipping is a dating trend we here at Metro.co.uk have coined, inspired by the work of illustrator Samantha Rothenberg, known as Violet Clair on Instagram.

Samantha regularly shares her experiences – good and bad – of the world of dating online, creating illustrations that make us both laugh (because they’re so relatable) and want to cry (because they’re too relatable).

But there’s one in particular that will strike a chord with anyone who’s been dating long enough.

In this particular illustration, Samantha reminds us of Microsoft’s much maligned Office Assistant, Clippy. Or, as you’ll remember him, that annoying paperclip that was always popping up when you didn’t want him around, offering passive aggressive advice on how to use Word.

Thankfully Clippy is dead and gone.

But his manner lives on in the form of paperclippers – those people you date, end things with, and hear from sporadically for no logical reason.

You know the one. He’s that guy you went on a few dates, he ghosted, then months later sends you a message out of the blue, usually saying something mysterious in its neutrality, a ‘hey, how are you doing?’ or ‘are you up to anything this Saturday?’.

The unexpected messages are never malicious or rude. They’re just designed to bait and baffle. They aim to get a response by reeling you in with their absolutely baffling timing.

Upon receiving one, you’ll be struck with many questions. What do they want? Why now? Is something horribly wrong? Are they madly in love with me? Should I respond?

You have two options – either respond so you can get to the bottom of what’s going on, or take the high road and ignore the message entirely, telling yourself you don’t need to know.

If you’re able to do the latter, you are extremely restrained and the rest of us could learn from you. That sense of mystery is highly successful at snaring a reaction.

But to be clear, there’s never a proper reason for the unexpected message from a paperclipper. They have nothing dramatic to tell you, nothing has changed, and they haven’t suddenly come to a great realisation that their behaviour was shitty.

Nope, just as Violet Clair details, paperclippers are ‘damaged, flaky, and not particularly interested’. Someone who paperclips isn’t actually dedicated to being with you romantically or putting in the tiniest bit of effort, but they like keeping you on the backburner should they ever be horny or lonely or in need of a self-esteem boost.

A paperclipper revels in getting a reaction, whether that’s positive or negative. They just want attention from you to prove you’re still bothered. They’re the ultimate dating trolls, and the moment you respond, silently seethe, or spend hours analysing their message, they’re winning the paperclipping game.

Our advice? Deal with a paperclipper in the same way you would good old Clippy. Know that he’s popping up because that’s just how he’s designed, and that if he has anything you genuinely, urgently need to know, he’ll say that straight up.

Those neutral, unhelpful messages can just be ignored and dismissed. Click cancel and ‘don’t show me this tip again’ (what ‘tip’ refers to in the context of dating is up to you).

Say farewell to a paperclipper and mentally cast them to where all paperclips that are all bent out of shape belong – in the back of a drawer in case you might need them one day, or straight in the bin.

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Sure, we all love sunshine and this past week has been glorious.

But just because the heatwave is over it doesn’t mean there’s nothing fun to do.

On the contrary, rainy weather provides ample opportunity to explore indoor activities in London, and there’s plenty to choose from.

To help you on your way, we’ve rounded up some of our favourite events happening next week.

Eat American pie with Stifler’s mom

It’s been a long time since Jim Levenstein shoved his penis into a warm apple pie.

More specifically, 20 years – and to celebrate the anniversary, there’s a retro pop-up pie shop coming to Soho on Tuesday 30 July.

Not only will you be able to grab yourself a free pie, which is served with a hole in the middle to resemble Jim’s penis dent, but you will also get the chance to meet Jennifer Coolidge, the woman who played the now infamous role of ‘Stifler’s mom’ in the movie.

It’s first-come, first-serve and the pop-up is open from 12pm to 6pm.

Make friends at a bottomless rosé supper club

This is a brunch and house party in one.

The Little Blue Door in Fulham is organising a get-together that includes bottomless rosé, all held in a venue that resembles a regular British flat.

It also includes a two-course meal and lots of dinner games such as giant Jenga, Pictionary and poetry readings.

If you get lost, knock on Number 871.

There are several dates to choose from in the coming month, including Friday 2 August.

Tickets start from £25.00.

Spend some time with 007 at the cinema

Secret Cinema is all very, well, secretive.

The Casino Royale edition is described as follows: ‘The world of espionage has changed and MI6 need your help more than ever.

‘Should you accept, you will receive your mission briefing, including; alias, target location and further classified information.’

Essentially, it’s an immersive cinema experience where you get to step into the shoes of 007.

Tickets start from £49.

Enjoy an espresso martini tasting

Do you love the classic coffee-based cocktail?

Then you need to swing by The Espresso Martini Society in Soho, where there is a 20-strong menu with delectable caffeinated drinks to choose from.

Organisers recommend that you buy a ticket in advance, as space is limited in the venue and previous years have sold out very quickly. The £10 ticket includes a 90-minute slot and a cocktail, too.

The event will run until 10 August.

Solve the murder on the Orient Express

Speaking of immersive experiences, how about theatre while you have dinner on a train?

Oh, we forgot to mention – you’ll also be solving a crime.

The Jewel Of The Empire murder mystery will last for two hours and there is a variety of dates and timings to choose from, including matiné shows.

It’s bound to be both entertaining and delicious, with a menu created by Laurence Henry, the 2018 winner of Masterchef The Professionals.

Held near Bethnal Green, on Pedley Street.

Give yourself a lesson in food and sustainability

If you’d prefer something on the serious side, this is an eye-opener.

The Food: Bigger Than The Plate exhibition is held at the Victoria and Albert Museum in Kensington.

You’ll be able to ‘participate, taste and debate’, as well as witness experiments that showcase various stages of food production, including how waste is repurposed.

It’s a cultural feast for millennials and a very educational way to spend a rainy afternoon.

Tickets cost £17 and you can go pretty much anytime in August.

Laugh yourself silly

Laughing is good for you, so why not grab a few mates and head to a comedy night?

The Covent Garden Comedy Club claims to hire only the best acts including international stars, so you might recognise some of them.

There’s a show every Saturday with three to four comedians.

Next week you’ll be treated to five as Justin Panks MC, Andrew Lawrence, Geoff Boyz, Patrick Healy and Julius How take the stage.

No small children allowed and tickets cost £17.

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Resistance bands are cheap, simple to use and easy to sling in your gym bag – they are the perfect workout accessory.

Use them at home, at the gym or in the park, resistance band workouts are great for toning, building strength and activating your muscles.

But faced with one of these giant elastic bands, it can be tricky to know what exactly you’re meant to do with them. They are so versatile – but a bit of guidance can make sure you’re getting the most out of your workout.

We asked Richard Tidmarsh, owner of Reach Fitness to design us the perfect resistance band workout to focus on the glutes and wake-up our lazy bum muscles.

So many of us rarely engage our flute muscles – even when we’re in the gym – relying instead on our hamstrings to do the heavy lifting. That might be why we’re not seeing the peachy results we’re after even hours of squatting.

Richard thinks waking up your glutes with this simple and effective workout could be the answer.

‘In general, people’s awareness of their posture and alignment when working out is poor,’ says Richard.

‘The use of resistance bands is often a good way to teach people about the correct movement patterns and to activate muscle groups more effectively.

‘My top three movements with a resistance band would be the banded glute bridge, the banded flip flop and the lateral skater push.’

Resistance band exercises for your bum muscles

Banded flip flop

Place a suitable band for your strength one inch above your knees.

Drop into a squat position, chest up, shoulder blades squeezed together and weight in your heels.

Hold this perfect squat whilst pushing one knee out to the side, in and out for eight reps, keeping the sole of your foot on the floor.

Repeat both sides.

Banded glute bridge

With a band one inch above your knees, set yourself up with your back and shoulders on a box and your heels on the floor.

Lower yourself to the floor before driving your hips back up to the ceiling into a flat table top position at the same time as exerting lateral force through the band to keep it tight.

Repeat eight times. Rest.

Perform three sets under good control.

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Lateral skater push

In a standing half squat position with an appropriate band one inch above your knees, take a side step dropping, your posture into a squat and pushing the band out to a larger stretch.

Pop back up to start position and repeat eight reps per side.

‘These three movements all focus on the glutes,’ explains Richard.

‘Which for me are the most important muscle group in the body. If you can get these performing, you are opening the door to better results in the gym.

‘The use of a resistance band in these movements revolves around giving you an external feedback to work against during a movement.

‘For the majority who have lazy glutes from sitting at a desk for hours on end, this external feedback helps them actually feel and thus start to use their glutes.’

Activation is key. You can do all the squats you like, but if your flute muscles aren’t firing then your bum isn’t going to get any stronger or any more toned.

You can buy a pack of resistance bands for a couple of quid on Amazon – and they could be a serious game changer for your fitness results.

If you’re passionate about health and fitness it might be your dream to do it every day.

Imagine if instead of a 9-5 at your desk, your day was made up of weights, pumping music and happy, sweaty clients? Sounds more fun than spreadsheets and endless emails.

The flexibility, freedom and active-nature of being a personal trainer or fitness professional is hugely appealing – but how do you actually make the leap?

We spoke to a number of ClassPass instructors who gave up their day jobs to follow their dreams to find out exactly how they did it.

Bangs is a spin instructor at Boom Cycle. She never used to see herself as a fitness buff, but now she’s at the top of her game and loving every second.

‘I’d had a fairly successful lifestyle blog for a few years, during which time, I was a hardcore couch potato,’ says Bangs.

‘After feeling pretty “blah” health-wise for some time and needing to get active, I got into running. That became my new love. I couldn’t get over how it made me feel and I wanted to shout it from the rooftops. I started a fitness blog so that I could do just that.

‘I knew the owners of Boom Cycle from having attended a couple of events at their studio. Back in 2013, I started writing their newsletters for them.

‘The more I hung around the studio, the more I thought I might actually be a pretty good spin instructor.

‘So, I trained up and made my debut on the bike there in 2014.

‘I had never felt more certain about where I should be and what I should be doing. I moved up the ranks fairly quickly to become a Master Trainer. Now I’m the Head Instructor, in charge of the ongoing training and development of a team of more than 30 instructors.

‘Getting to play a part in helping people get motivated and inspired means I have job satisfaction in spades. It beats sitting at a desk all day, that’s for sure!’

Josh Cooper is a HIIT and circuit instructor at Milo and the Bull & Un1t, and he always knew fitness would be a big part of his life.

‘I have always been keen to coach and teach others,’ says Josh.

‘Even looking back to my days at secondary school I always volunteered to be a sports leader and would help with the younger years with PE sessions. I would also volunteer as a football coach in the holidays as I found it fun and not at all like “working”.

‘This led me to the path of teaching, I knew I wanted to have an active job, something that would be constantly challenging but rewarding.

‘My plan was to study sports science at university and then continue on to gain the necessary teaching qualifications to become a PE teacher.

‘As I learned more and more through my course I quickly came to realise that teaching fitness was an option that I had not considered, but would tick all of the boxes.

‘Having gained my degree in 2011, I could not wait to get into a gym and start to put into practice what I had learned and for the first three years I spent time in a health club working alongside some amazing trainers who set the benchmark.

‘These trainers had a great approach to fitness, they had a passion for what they did and they delivered great sessions – which is what I aspire to be like.

I worked hard, kept gaining more and more knowledge, applied it in classes from spinning, circuits, kettlebells, HIIT and also in to 1-to-1 personal training sessions.

‘I quickly came to realise that the more knowledge you have, the more you can share, so learning from other trainers and taking regular courses was a must.

‘The fitness offering in London is amazing, I do what I do because I enjoy the energy you can share with a class full of people. I find it so rewarding when a client hits a goal they have been working towards.

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‘You can catch me at a number of studios featured on ClassPass – strength classes, cardio class, taking clients for 1-to-1 sessions and generally just having a great time meeting lots of people and getting them moving.

‘When asked why I started working in fitness I am never too sure what to say, but I have certainly found myself living a life in which it never actually feels as if I am working and for me, that works perfectly.’

Ellya Sam is a barre and dance instructor – she was also awarded ClassPass Instructor of the year 2018, a pretty impressive feat given that she is relatively new to the practice.

‘I only started teaching barre two years ago,’ Ellya tells Metro.co.uk.

‘Three years prior to this, I booked a one-way flight from Melbourne to London with zero expectations and huge ambitions.

‘In Australia, I taught Royal Academy of Dance Syllabus Ballet to children aged, 3-18 and also taught contemporary dance adult open classes. I did this part time as I worked full-time as a professional company dancer at The Australian Dance Theatre. It was constant and chaotic, but I loved it.

‘I moved to London needing a shake-up and a new job. I knew I enjoyed choreography and I definitely knew I love teaching. I wanted to find something that meld the two together when I moved halfway across the world.

‘I was auditioning for shows between my part-time job as a retail consultant and I chanced upon an ad looking for professional dancers to teach barre.

‘At this time I wasn’t too familiar with barre. All I knew was that it was a mixture of Pilates, yoga and ballet – definitely up my alley.

‘I signed up to take a class and I was hooked. I knew I had to learn how to teach it immediately.

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‘I found it was easy to learn how to teach barre because of my ballet roots, and my understanding of yoga definitely helped.

‘I started to find it difficult to work at multiple places at once. I ended up working for the two studios that stuck to me – Blok and Fly. Their ethics very much align with my own and their approach to fitness is definitely something unique of other studios I’ve ever worked at.

‘I dot between both studios which are walking distance from each other, from Monday to Friday and you can find me there basically any time of the week.

‘Barre is a competitive style of fitness as most boutique barre studios tend to have their own “methods” which teach in a specific way and most studios are very precious with their own way of delivering a barre class.

‘To me, barre is something I can get creative with – the fusion of Pilates, yoga and ballet creates endless variations of movement. I teach barre with slightly quicker pace, where one movement flows from one to another through an endless and seamless string of choreography.

‘I enjoy being able to teach people who have never danced before and give them a sense of rhythm and belonging and I’m deeply humbled to teach people who want to relive their younger ballet days through barre.

‘I feel extremely lucky to be able to do what I do as work because, while some days are very challenging, overall I feel rewarded as I have found work that love – it doesn’t feel like work at all.

‘My clients have slowly become close friends and I am so thankful for all the support my regulars have given to me – I would not have been here without them.’

You can catch all of the above instructors at lessons using ClassPass – a monthly membership that allows you to buy credits and use them in more than 20,000 boutique fitness studios worldwide.

ClassPass is available in five major cities across the UK, including London, Manchester, Edinburgh, Bristol and Brighton.

When you tell people you’re a sand sculptor they’re really surprised you can make a living out of it.

But it’s got me in all the UK newspapers, onto live television and taken me around the world for different festivals and commissions.

I began making sand sculptures by busking on the beach at Gabriel’s Wharf on the South Bank in London. I made a big canvas target for people to throw their spare change onto while I made the sculpture in the eight-hour window the Thames tide allowed.

The best ideas are engaging and visually exciting so they appeal to people’s imagination, I often used humour or played with the medium to get their attention.

I once made a giant plughole on the beach that the river drained into. Another time I made road men digging into the sand to expose pipes.

On a good day, I’d earn £150 in small change, sitting in the pub afterwards to count it all up. Eventually, the word caught on and as the number of people doing it grew all our income went down.

Having contacted people who did it professionally, in 2008 I went on my first job in Dubai at a five-star hotel, assisting with some workshops for kids on the beach. Then I went to Portugal where there was a huge sand sculpture festival in a quarry.

Around the same time, I started doing guerrilla sand sculptures at night, after I kept noticing huge piles of sand at building sites.

At first, I did it dressed as a gorilla. I felt vulnerable being out my own and didn’t want anyone to know I was a woman but I got braver after the first few times. Nobody is going to attack someone brandishing a spade, gorilla costume or not!

When I had a baby and became a single mother, I was never out late. But in 2016, on my way to a friend’s house, I spotted a perfect pile by a new development where I live in Brockley, South London.

I returned later and sculpted a fat cat eating a chunk of broccoli.

As an artist whatever you are thinking about tends to come out in your art, and I realised only after the sculpture, how stressed the rapid gentrification of Brockley had made me. I had felt that at any moment I could be financially squeezed out of the area.

The fat cat took five hours and as the sun came up a security guard came on duty. I quickly took a few photos, got home at six in the morning and put a picture up on a local Facebook group.

This was picked up by the newspapers, who dubbed me ‘Sand Banksy’, and eventually I was interviewed on ITV news.

A lot of my work has a political edge. My friend who runs a sand festival in Weston Super Mare has similar political views and encourages me to run with them.

One year I made a Donald Trump face on a flying pig. That was fun. Many people who visit these events wouldn’t necessarily go to art galleries to experience art, so the ideas reach a diverse demographic.

Sand sculpting has taken me all over the world. I’ve travelled to America and Canada, Turkey and all over Europe including Germany, Italy and the Netherlands.

I’ve even expanded into ice and snow carving. At the start, I noticed that other carvers would smooth their sculptures to a pristine finish.

I’d been battling tidal windows and busting out sculptures overnight so I had no idea, my sculptures were always rougher and more textured. Initially, it would make me cringe, but now it’s become my trademark.

Often we use a ‘hard pack’ technique to prepare the sand to make stronger, higher sculptures that can last months.

Wooden forms are filled by a digger, then a pneumatic machine compresses wet sand into the boxes. When you start removing the wooden forms from the top to start carving, it’s hard like sandstone.

Each work starts with a few sketches. Some shapes just don’t work with sand. You can’t undercut anything too much, otherwise, it’ll fall down.

You learn through your collapses how far you can push things, but it’ll still happen anyway sometimes unless you play it very safe.

Everyone asks what happens when it rains, but nothing much happens because it’s so compact. We just go in and have a cup of tea.

When sculptures have to last for months outside, they can be sprayed with a weak PVA and water solution which forms a crust on the top few millimetres, protecting details from the weather.

It’s hard physical work that involves hours of digging, hacking and bending over. Most sculptures are so big you’re dealing with tens of tons of sand. That’s a lot of shovelling!

While you’re on a job, you have sand everywhere all the time. In your hair, in your bed, in your eyebrows, in your ears, in your lunch.

The thing I love best about sand sculpting is that after finishing a giant sculpture, you can take a picture and that will be all that exists after it changes back to its original form.

Sand sculpture doesn’t leave any crap in the world. You can get out your emotions and your ideas, it lasts a while, and then it’s gone forever, not leaving any waste behind.

Zara wrote this piece with the help of her friend Joe Roberts. You can follow Zara on Instagram here, and find out more about the sand sculpting festivals mentioned here and here. 

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