Iylah is four years old and has alopecia (Picture: parrisgoebel/Instagram)
A little girl who has alopecia was absolutely delighted to see a stunning advertising campaign featuring a bald-headed model.
Four-year-old Iylah Hanley, from Mount Maunganui, New Zealand, spotted the ad while she was shopping with her mum Amelia Palmer earlier this month.
The huge poster featured a close-up image of Parris Goebel, the choreographer behind Jennifer Lopez’s iconic Super Bowl performance, who has a shaved head.
Mum Amelia says her daughter asked her if the model had alopecia like her, and was so happy to see a woman with a shaved head being presented as beautiful.
‘This morning we walked into [Farmers department store] and the first thing Iylah saw was @parrisgoebel with short hair,’ Amelia wrote in the caption of photos of Iylah posing in front of the advert image.
Iylah’s mum explained that model Parris chooses to shave her hair off (Picture: iylahpecia/Instagram)
‘She goes (with soooo much excitement in her voice), “Mum! Does she have alopecia like me?”’
After Amelia explained that the model shaves her hair off, Iylah said; ‘“Wait, so she chooses to wear her hair short?” She then lit up and asked to take a photo with her.’
But the moment was also an eye-opener for Amelia because it revealed to her just how much her daughter worries about her appearance.
‘I find it absolutely crazy that a 4.5-year-old questions whether it’s “cool” or not to have short hair due to her life experiences in such a short time?’ she wrote.
‘I always tell her that beauty is on the inside, you can express who you are on the outside but what really matters is on the inside but it does hurt that she thinks this way.’
The MAC team set up a private meet-and-greet (Picture: iylahpecia/Instagram)
But ultimately, Amelia thinks that the moment proves just how important visible diversity in media and advertising can be. She loves the fact that Lylah was able to see herself represented in those beautiful images.
‘Anyways take what you want from this wee story I just want to say a massive THANK YOU to @parrisgoebel for expressing who you are in such a beautiful way and giving my baby girl a smile no one could wipe away!’
‘You made me feel like the most important little girl in the world’ (Picture: parrisgoebel/Instagram)
The pair really bonded (Picture: iylahpecia/Instagram)
The post inspired hundreds of comments online from people admiring Iylah’s bravery and positivity.
‘She is such a beautiful and bright girl!! She’s gonna take over the world when she’s older… Keep being you Iylah!!’ said one.
The post was even spotted by the model herself – Parris shared the images on her own account, and the MAC team in New Zealand decided to arrange a meet-and-greet so Iylah could meet her new idol in person.
Iylah and her mum wrote a tribute to Parris, thanking her for changing the little girl’s life.
‘You took me and my family in like we had known you forever and you treated us like we were apart of your family but most importantly you made me feel like the most important little girl in the world – for that I am forever grateful,’ read the post.
‘Thank you for being the purest soul and for having a beautiful heart. You have changed my life and I love you for it.’
As people stockpile amid the coronavirus panic, many are struggling to get hold of loo roll (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)
Lots of people are freaking out about toilet paper right now. In the wake of coronavirus panic buying, there are fears some shops have run out or could start rationing loo roll.
I’m here to tell you toilet paper is not the hill you have to die on.
Most of the world does just fine without loo roll.
Don’t get me wrong, loo roll is most definitely one of life’s comforts.
But after countless family holidays in India, I know it’s possible to go without.
Toilet paper isn’t even a norm in many countries like it is in the west.
Alternatives to loo roll
There have been a butt load of jokes about using newspaper instead of toilet paper, but don’t do this! Newspaper isn’t designed to be flushed. Neither are wet wipes.
The cheapest and safest alternative is plain old water.
The sewage or plumbing system in many Asian countries isn’t designed to cope with paper, plus loo roll isn’t always affordable or accessible.
The number one reason many people skip the toilet paper in favour of water, however, is that most of the planet thinks it’s more hygienic to wash.
It may have come about because of climate and even
religious belief. But, in the same way you wouldn’t flick your body with a dry
towel instead showering, washing leaves you cleaner than wiping (it’s also
gentler on your skin).
There’s actually no need for toilet paper (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
You don’t need a bidet
Bidets may be the more acceptable way to wash in the west
but, again, they’re more about comfort than necessity.
It’s common to find a ‘lota’ or washing jug in the bathroom in some Asian homes and restaurants, even in the UK. These are like teapots, with a long spout to direct water where it needs to go.
Otherwise, you can use a clean bottle or something similar.
You might see an adapted shower head next to the toilet or
bidet in some Asian bathrooms. It works like a mini garden hose, and makes
clean-ups fast and hands-free. It’s not the same as a regular shower
attachment, which can end up soaking the whole bathroom.
How to wash after using the loo
Keep a towel to hand and fill your jug, lota or bottle with lukewarm water.
During your first few attempts, whip off any clothing that could get wet, such as underpants and trousers. Scrunch everything else up out of the way.
Once you’ve done your business, stay or sit on the loo. Think of your jug as a mini shower head to clean yourself just as you would when bathing.
Lean forward, back or to the side, pouring the water as you go – you want a steady, gentle flow if you can.
Aim water at your genitals and bum, and use your hand to wash until you feel clean. Just like showering, you’ll know when the job’s a good ‘un.
Dry off, get dressed and wash your hands thoroughly with soap.
If you’re worried about touching poop, the combination of water and how our bodies work means this doesn’t happen.
You can add soap or soapy water if you want, but it’s not essential (you might want to rinse afterwards if you do).
You’ll probably make a mess the first few times but, with
practice, you can do it discretely anywhere, even at work. In fact, lots of
people do.
You don’t have to swear off toilet paper. But if shortages and stockpiling are adding to your stress, remember the rest of the world gets on just fine without it. We’re not facing wipe-out just yet.
There’s still time to get on top of your fitness before the London Marathon (Picture: Getty)
The London Marathon is just around the corner and (Coronavirus depending) it’s time to get ready for the starting line.
If it’s your first marathon – or even your fifth – you’re probably starting to feel a little bit nervous now. So if you want to give your training a final push before the big day, we have just the thing for you.
Running expert Chris Antoni has put together a training programme for participants who are entering those tough final nine weeks of training.
The detailed nine-week programme helps to build strength, stamina for long distances and routines to increase hypertrophy (which is an increase and growth of muscle cells).
With just eight weeks to go until the London Marathon 2020 on Sunday 26 April, Chris says: ‘It is essential for runners to build their stamina to achieve the 26.2-mile distance, but it is also vital that participants build up their hypertrophy through strength exercises which can include press-ups, planks, barbells and dumbbells.
‘As you reach the latter part of the training plan, it’s important to stay motivated, and sometimes that can be the hardest battle. Look back and see what you have achieved already; you should be proud of yourself.’
Week 1
This week the heart will be pumping harder and faster due to some more tempo running.
Monday – Rest Tuesday – 45 minutes easy run Wednesday – Hypertrophy and Volume Training (see below for details) Thursday – Rest Friday – Run 50 minutes – 10 minutes easy jog, (60-second tempo running, 1-minute jog, 1-minute walk) x10, 10-minute easy jog Saturday – Rest Sunday – Yasso Run – 6x800m
Week 2
The next few weeks are all about the long run, building your capacity to run the London Marathon. Do not worry about covering the race distance before the event, just trust the training. Practice your hydration and fuel strategies on your long runs.
Monday – Hypertrophy and Volume Training Tuesday – 45-minute easy run Wednesday – Rest Thursday – Run 30 minutes – 10-minute easy run, (4-minute tempo run, 2-minute easy jog, 1-minute walk) x4 Friday – Rest Saturday – Hill sprints x10 Sunday – Run 2 hours – (28-minute run – 2-minute walk) x4. Goal distance 10-12 miles
Mix up the speed and distance of your runs (Picture: Getty)
Week 3
Try doing a half marathon to help familiarise yourself with race day routines such as the pre-meal, race clothing and hydration strategies. Monday – Rest Tuesday – Hypertrophy and Volume Training Wednesday – 6x800m at max and then run 4-6 minute recovery jog Thursday – 30-minute easy run Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – Run a half marathon (13 miles) to see what time you get
Week 4
Start getting to know your race pace. Monday – Rest Tuesday – Run 60 minutes – 10-minute easy run, (5-minute tempo run, 3-minute easy run/walk recovery) x5, 10-minute easy run Wednesday – Rest Thursday – 45-minute easy run Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – Run 2hrs 30 minutes – (28-minute easy run, 2-minute walk) x5, or distance goal of 14-16 miles. Include a few miles at target marathon pace
Week 5
Three more weeks before we run less and sharpen up. Monday – Rest Tuesday – High Volume Functional Training (see below for details) Wednesday – Easy 30-minute run Thursday – Run 50 minutes – (10 minutes easy run, 5-minute tempo run,) x4, 10-minute hills run Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – Run 3hrs – (28-minute easy run, 2-minute walk) x6, or distance goal of 16-18 miles. Include a few miles at target marathon
Don’t forget to work on your strength too (Picture: Getty)
Week 6
Keep those miles ticking over, we have a long one at the end of this week. Monday – Rest Tuesday – 55-minute easy run Wednesday – High Volume Functional Training Thursday – Yasso 800 – 8x800m Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – Run 3hrs 30 minutes – distance goal of 18-20 miles, up the tempo for the last 6 miles.
Include a few miles at target marathon pace. Remember, people run at different paces so the distance covered will vary.
Week 7
Mix of speed and distances this week. Monday – Rest Tuesday – 12x400m recovery walk 2 minutes Wednesday – Rest Thursday – Run 50 Minutes – 10-minute easy run, (3 minutes at target marathon pace, 3 mins faster) x5, 10-minute easy run Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – Run 15 miles or around 1 and a half hours
Week 8
Doing less this week and recovering from the hard work you have put in. Monday – Rest Tuesday – Easy 30 minutes + hills Wednesday – Rest Thursday – 50 minutes (tempo run 15 minutes easy 10 minutes marathon race pace) x2 Friday – Rest Saturday – Rest Sunday – 70-minute easy run
Week 9
Relax and look back at how far you have come. Nothing too strenuous this week. Monday – Rest Tuesday – Easy 30 minute + hills Wednesday – Rest Thursday – Easy 40 minutes Friday – Rest Saturday –Easy 30 minutes Sunday – Rest
Hypertrophy and volume phase (weeks 1-3)
Barbell or dumbbell squats 10/12 reps, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Stability ball hamstring curl 10/12 reps, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Leg extension 15,15,15 (Drop set each time drop the weight down after completing 15 reps) x3, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Military press 15/20 reps, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Press-ups 15/20 reps, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Plyometric lunges 10 reps each leg, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest Calf raises 15/20 reps, 3 sets, 30-45 sec rest
High volume and functional strength phase (weeks 5 and 6)
This time in online buys gone wrong, we have what was meant to be a bodycon dress turning up looking like a massive pink bin bag.
Lauren Thompson, 18, from Leeds, ordered a £25 PU bodycon dress in baby pink from PrettyLittleThing, hoping to wear it for a Barbie-themed birthday party this Saturday.
When the dress arrived in the post Lauren couldn’t help laughing as she tried on the dress – rather than fitting like a glove, it hung away from her body and looked, well, pretty silly.
Lauren shared photos of her outfit online, where they were flooded with likes and replies from people laughing at her misfortune and comparing the dress to one of those big blue bags from Ikea.
The dress Lauren ordered (Picture: PrettyLittleThing)
The disappointed student said: ‘I bought a size bigger because it looked so tight. I’m usually a 10 so I got a 12.
‘I thought to myself “this is going to look good, it’ll look quality”.
‘I’m going to a Barbie-themed party so it would have been the ideal dress.
‘When I opened it, it just looked like a clear bit of plastic and I thought no way is that a dress but thought it was just the material.
‘For some reason I couldn’t zip it up, there was a 15cm gap between each side but also the dress was just massive.’
The dress she received (Picture: MERCURY PRESS & MEDIA )
Thankfully Lauren wasn’t too upset with her order, instead finding the whole thing hilarious.
She even admitted the incident won’t stop her from buying bits from PrettyLittleThing in the future.
‘Luckily I’d ordered it in plenty of time to get something else,’ she said.
‘If I’d left it until the day before I’d have had to rush to the shops and go mad trying to find something in time.
‘I put it in the group chat and all my friends were howling.
‘It was worth it because it’s so funny and I can’t believe how mental it’s gone on social media.
‘It’s just hilarious and it won’t stop me from shopping there, I love PrettyLittleThing.’
PrettyLittleThing has been contacted for comment and we’ll update this article if we hear back.
Caption: Swapping butter for olive oil could add years to your life
picture: Getty
Photographer: anilakkus
Provider: Getty Images/iStockphoto
Source: iStockphoto
Swapping butter and mayo for olive oil could add years to your life, suggests new research.
A study of more than 63,000 women and more than 35,000 men over the course of 24 years found that consuming olive oil poses significant benefits for heart health.
At the start of the study, participants were all free of chronic diseases and heart issues. Researchers checked in on their health and diet every three years.
Those who ate more than half a tablespoon of olive oil a day were 15% less likely to have any cardiovascular disease and 21% less likely to have coronary heart disease
Even consuming a small amount of olive oil a day saw benefits. People who swapped butter, margarine, or mayo with just one teaspoon of olive oil were between 5% and 7% less likely to have cardiovascular or coronary heart disease.
Researchers are keen to emphasise that you shouldn’t just add olive oil to your diet, however. Instead, use it as a substitute for less healthy options such as butter, margarine, or mayonnaise.
Study author Dr Frank Hu said: ‘Don’t just add olive oil to your regular diet. Substitution is what’s important here.
‘The main thing is to replace unhealthy fats with olive oil and that can improve cholesterol, reduce inflammatory biomarkers and improve cardiovascular health,” he said.
This study backs up a load of research that praises the Mediterranean diet – which is rich in olive oil – as the healthiest to follow.
A 2013 study found that people who followed a Mediterranean diet supplemented with extra virgin olive oil for five years had a 30% lower risk of heart attack or stroke, showed a slower rate of cognitive decline, and were more able to control their weight.
Rescuers think Phoenix was abandoned by his family (Picture: @phoenixthedawg/Instagram )
A stray dog who was found with severe disfigurements is now making a fantastic recovery after being rescued.
Phoenix was found in Collinsville, Oklahoma and was taken in by the kind folk at Skiatook Paws & Claws Animal Rescue. Little Phoenix was wondering the streets and rescuers suspect he had been abandoned by his owners.
At first, vets weren’t sure if Phoenix’s disfiguration had been caused by an illness or abuse, but after running some tests they found that the pup actually has an auto-immune illness.
Phoenix has Systemic Lupus Erythematosus (SLE). Because it’s an auto-immune disease, Phoenix’s own body attacks itself, which means treatment can be tricky.
But luckily, the experts have now got his illness under control and Phoenix is healthier than ever. In fact, he will soon be ready to be adopted by a loving family.
Phoenix has an auto-immune condition (Picture: @phoenixthedawg/Instagram )
The rescue centre posted an update on Phoenix’s condition, revealing just how much attention and care he has been given since they started looking after him.
‘In an attempt to solve Phe’s skin mystery, his veterinary staff here in Owasso at FAM took biopsies of his diseased skin and sent them to Dr. Trainor. Dr. Trainor is a veterinary pathologist who focuses on skin disease,’ read the post. ‘Oh boy, what a brilliant mind. What Dr. Trainor basically does is to look at Phe’s skin biopsy at the microscopic level and tell us how his skin is behaving.
‘Next, Phe’s adventure took him to Veterinary Allergy and Dermatology clinic in Overland Park, Kansas. There he met Dr. David Senter, a veterinary dermatologist. He also focuses his veterinary skills on patients with skin diseases.’
He’s now recieveing the best care and is improving every day (Picture: @phoenixthedawg/Instagram )
Phoenix loves playing chase and tug-o-war (Picture: @phoenixthedawg/Instagram )
Phoenix will soon be ready to be adopted by a loving family (Picture: @phoenixthedawg/Instagram )
They explained that this plucky dog is improving every day. Phoenix has gained weight, his skin is healing, he plays and barks, chases balls and plays tug-o-war – he even sleeps on his own dog couch.
‘His cheesy, sharky grin will always remain,’ the post continues. ‘The muscles on his head will never return. UV light/sunshine causes his skin to flare-up, so clothes and sunblock are a must. But don’t worry, Phoenix’s spirit is STRONG!’
At the moment, Phoenix is still receiving vital medical care to improve his condition, but the rescue centre is keeping his fans updated with regular photos and posts on his social media accounts.
And Phoenix can’t wait until he feels better and is able to find even more happiness at his forever home.
I am free of my ex and in a happy and healthy relationship (Illustration: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
We had just returned from holiday in Turkey when I decided to leave my abusive partner. I knew I would be enough for my children. We didn’t need their father to be happy.
We didn’t need his money, his house, his flashy car or holidays. We didn’t need him. He told me I couldn’t survive, that I would come running back when things got tough.
‘No other man would want you, no-one would want a woman with baggage’, he said.
I’m happy to say that two years on, I am free of him and in a loving and healthy relationship – but at the time I didn’t disagree. I felt low, useless. I knew it would be tough.
Every time my ex hurt me he had a way of twisting it around and making me feel like it was my fault. So I’d try to change. I stopped wearing the clothes I wanted, stopped seeing my friends and stopped doing things I enjoyed. I even stopped watching my favourite programmes.
In Turkey I realised that no matter what I changed I could never please this man. He would never love me – he loved himself too much.
One night I tried to hold his hand whilst walking down some steep steps, not just for stability, but also because I wanted to try and have a connection with him. He pulled away and said, ‘We don’t hold hands, that’s what people in love do’.
He constantly kicked me down to a level where I had no respect for myself.
He didn’t even let me have any spending money. I borrowed £30 from my younger brother to spend on the holiday and he took that from me at the airport. When I asked for it back he laughed and mocked me for the small amount of money I was able to ‘contribute’ to the £3000 holiday he’d booked.
My eldest asked why there were no daddies in the refuge. I told him this is a special place for mummies and children to have a holiday without the dads
I had stayed with him because I thought the children needed their dad and that he loved them. I couldn’t be the person to come between that. But on holiday he treated me as free childcare, to watch the kids when he’d had enough of them.
At that moment I knew I could look after the children by myself and that I didn’t need him.
My children deserved a mother who was able to give herself fully. They needed me to be there in the moment with them – not the anxious, tearful, fearful and sad woman I had become. What I had allowed him to make me.
I lost money, I lost a house, I lost a car, I lost friends, I lost extended family, I lost routines. I lost all I had known for the last six years and traded it for a single room in a women’s refuge far from anywhere we knew, sharing a bathroom with three other families, universal credit and fear of the unknown.
I had no idea or any plan moving forward but I was determined to give my children a better life. All those things I lost but I felt free, I had a taste of happiness in that small room. It was our haven and safe place.
We began to form new relationships with the people around us, other women and children in the refuge run by the charity Hestia. My children thought they were on an extended part of the holiday, without their dad.
My eldest asked why there were no daddies in the refuge. I told him it was a special place for mummies and children to have a holiday without the dads. He surprised me: ‘Did all the daddies hit the other mummies? I know that’s why we are here, because Daddy hit Mummy’.
I knew at this point I had made the best decision of my life. No hardship could ever make me go back to him.
Things started to look better and brighter every day. Through the support of thecharity we were rehoused after a year of battling with the council.
It was a joyous yet scary moment when we walked in our new two bedroom flat. It felt BIG. Now we were all alone. The boys followed me around from room to room and wouldn’t play in their own bedroom without me close.
youngest fell for Max instantly and wanted to be in his arms all the time, which still hasn’t changed
Although I finally got them to enjoy sleeping in their ‘grown up boys’ bedroom, I still snuck in with them at night. I couldn’t sleep without hearing their chests rise and fall.
While I was at the refuge I had noticed that some of the women were ready to move on and find a new partner using dating apps. I admired their confidence and wished someday I could be loved. I was told by my ex that I was nothing for a very long time and I truly believed it.
I didn’t think there would be anyone that would want to be with me. I knew I wasn’t ready; how could anyone love me when I didn’t even love myself?
That changed when we had been living in our flat for about three months. I’d fallen into a routine of school runs, going to the gym and was slowly starting to gain confidence in myself. I began to love myself again and was proud of what I had achieved.
I deserved to be loved and felt ready to let someone into my life. So, I joined Bumble, which I chose because it allows women to make the first contact.
Max* and I soon started messaging each other. I was open and honest about my children and my past relationship. I decided to tell him early on about what we had been through because I didn’t want to feel ashamed of my past.
I could tell straight away that Max was different. The gentle way he spoke and the language he used made me feel warm towards him.
My ex had used vulgar and aggressive words all the time, which put me on edge. Max was like a breath of fresh air.
He didn’t want to change me and found what I said interesting. We don’t agree on everything – like chocolate orange and sci-fi films – but we compromise.
After a few meetings I decided to introduce Max to my children. The first time they met he went down to their level and handed them a chocolate lolly each.
He teaches the children to love and respect me. He asks the boys: ‘Have you told mummy that she is beautiful today?’
My youngest fell for him instantly and wanted to be in his arms all the time, which still hasn’t changed (they are inseparable!). My eldest was a little wary; I could tell he wanted to like Max but something was holding him back.
I worried that he didn’t know how to trust and love someone again but Max proved to him that he will never let us down.
He’s always there helping me with the children, picking them up from school when I work late, feeding them and putting them to sleep.
We both strive to make the atmosphere and our little bubble a happy one.
I didn’t think I could be intimate with anyone again as my ex said some horrible things about my body after having two children, which made me feel so self conscious.
I still struggle with letting Max see me undressed as I have these vile comments circling in my head and I never want him to think the things my ex said. I have a way to go before I am comfortable with my body but Max compliments me, even on my worst days.
There is a small story, which summarises just how different he is from my ex.
Max and I and the boys were flying off to Greece last year. We went to change some spending money – around £500. When we came out of the store Max handed me the envelope and said ‘You’re in charge of all spending this holiday’.
He makes me feel trusted and respected in our partnership. He calls me his queen and I believe him.
It’s been nearly two years and Max has been there for all our family events no matter how big or small, from school assemblies, football matches, park trips to farm outings.
My children have felt his loving presence and seen how he treats me.
He teaches them to love and respect me. He asks the boys: ‘Have you told mummy that she is beautiful today?’.
I know it’s cheesy but these small things mean so much to keeping us together, giggling and enjoying life.
We are looking forward to moving in together and I’m excited. Sometimes I still think about how my ex would tell me that no one would ever want me and I can’t believe how much has changed. I feel loved, supported and listened to.
*Name has been changed
For 50 years, Hestia has provided support and hope every step of the way to recovery. We campaign and advocate nationally on the issues that affect the people we work with. Find out about our support at www.hestia.org/domestic-abuse.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing platform@metro.co.uk
It’s easy to get stuck in our own little bubbles when we use public transport, but taking more notice of others could make life much easier for disabled commuters
Not many of us could name anything significant about this morning’s commute.
Most likely we were engrossed in our phones, hastily weaving through the crowds to make good time or head down vying for the nearest seat, lest we spill coffee all. down. ourselves.
It’s easy enough to switch on autopilot and move around in our little bubbles, and it’s even easier to miss the people who were not finding today’s journey quite so easy, who might be affected by noise levels and confusing announcements or keeping up the pace, especially when not all disability is visible.
But paying just a bit more attention to the people around us could make a huge difference for some.
Currently, disabled people travel up to a third less than non-disabled people and one in four say negative attitudes from other passengers are what’s keeping them from using public transport on a regular basis.
In a bid to make transport inclusive, the ‘It’s Everyone’s Journey’ campaign encourages us all to look up from time to time, and make buses, trains and tubes more considerate and supportive environments to travel in.
Disabled people will not always want or need your support but be ready to offer it, if you see someone that you think might need it.
Here’s just a few ways to make everyone’s journey a bit smoother.
But every now and again, it’s important to look up, listen and pay attention to the signs that someone else may need our support
Not all disability is visible, and when we’re all in such a hurry, it’s not always obvious when someone needs more time or space
GIVE UP YOUR SEAT
Making eye contact on public transport is a universally-acknowledged taboo, but coming out of our shells for long enough to ask if someone needs the seat more than you can make a great deal of difference to someone.
After all, there’s no harm if they say no – you get to keep the seat…
AVOID PRIORITY SPACES
In the UK today, there are over 800,000 wheelchair users and the Department for Transport is working with operators and transport providers to make sure that buses, trains and tubes are accessible to all of them.
Priority spaces and areas designed for wheelchair users are indicated on most forms of public transport, so if you find yourself occupying one, make sure there’s room for the people who really need it – they may not like to ask.
Priority spaces are allocated on most forms of transport – lookout for the signs that someone may need them more than you do
IT’S NOT A COMPETITION
Contrary to popular opinion, jostling to be the first one on the train never did make it go faster, but when we’re all in such a rush it can be easy to miss the signs that someone on the platform needs more time or space.
After all, a guide dog can’t warn you to watch out for a blind passenger, and commuters with hearing impairments may not hear you coming.
In fact, 1 in 5 people in the UK is disabled, although it might not always be obvious. Taking just a bit more time ensures everyone can travel safely and confidently.
Think delays are all part of the journey? For some people, disruption and cancellations can be particularly unsettling so be aware of anyone around who might need support
OFFER SOME SUPPORT
Often unexpected delays and platform announcements can seem like part and parcel of public transport.
Although changes in the schedule can be especially difficult for people with conditions like autism, so if someone looks a little unsettled, your offer of support could go a long way.
CONSIDER FELLOW PASSENGERS
Getting on the bus in a group or dialling into a long-overdue FaceTime can be the ideal way to kill a long journey. But remember, it’s not just your journey, it’s everyone’s journey and not everyone wants to join in the conversation.
In fact, loud behaviour can be overwhelming for some passengers, including those with mental health conditions, because some people don’t just want quiet, they need it.
Loud conversations can be more disturbing to fellow passengers than you think. Remember, it’s not just your journey, it’s everyone’s journey
TUTTING WON’T SPEED THINGS UP
We’ve all been rejected at the ticket barriers before. Red-faced and admitting defeat, that awkward shuffle back through angry passengers somehow seems better than hovering any longer to see if it works the second time.
Therefore, you’ll know how nerve-wracking it is to be huffed and puffed at in front of the turnstiles and it’s the kind of added pressure that passengers who need a bit more time just don’t need. Wouldn’t you want a bit more space, next time?
RESPECT ALL USERS OF ACCESSIBLE FACILITIES
Not all disability is visible but it can still present all sorts of challenges in daily life, especially in situations like using public transport.
For example, people living with Crohn’s or Colitis aren’t able to queue because they might need to use them more urgently. Others need more space to empty an ileostomy bag.
Whatever the reason, the last thing a person with non-visible disability should have to do is prove it to others or justify why they are using accessible facilities and you have to ask: is it really my place to challenge them?
Remember, It’s Everyone’s Journey
As part of the Department for Transport’s Inclusive Transport Strategy, ‘It’s Everyone’s Journey’ is a campaign aimed at ensuring everyone gets the same access to public transport.
While improvements are being planned and made on the ground to enable disabled people to travel with ease, we can all help to make buses, trains and tubes more considerate and supportive environments to travel in.
Since we know that not all disability is visible, it’s all about taking our time, being respectful of others – and their space – or just generally paying more attention, whether we’re at platforms, bus stops, turnstiles or toilets, because this is not just your journey, it’s everyone’s.
Next time you’re on the tube, train or bus, look out for one of the playful It’s Everyone’s Journey posters or join the conversation and hear first-hand how disability can affect public transport use #ItsEveryonesJourney
Nitro owner says she can’t ‘unsee’ the marks now (Picture: Caters)
An adorable young husky causes a stir whenever he meets new people because the markings on his head look just like a penis.
Little Nitro has the unfortunate markings directly in the middle of his forehead, but his owners insist that the pup isn’t a dickhead.
Meredith White said she had never noticed her two-year-old pooch’s risqué head markings until a stranger commented about it on a photo of him that she had uploaded online.
Now, the 37-year-old from Dallas, Texas, says she has not been able to ‘unsee’ the phallic shape etched into Nitro’s fur.
Meredith says she burst out laughing when she spotted the hidden shape in the fur, and she says the whole family have now embraced their pet’s unique markings – and have had plenty of jokes about it.
Nitro has had the markings since he was a puppy (Picture: Caters)
The mum of three said: ‘We have been so happy ever since Nitro joined our family. I’d always dreamed of having a husky, and after our 16-year-old family dog passed away, it was the perfect time.
‘I never even realised that he had such naughty markings until I posted a photo of him online and someone brought my attention to it.
We haven’t been able to unsee it. We cracked up in hysterics, it just made us love him even more.’
In an even more hilarious turn of events, Meredith says that when she studied the marking closer, there even seems to be something coming out of the end of the penis shape.
Meredith with her three kids and her husband (Picture: Caters)
‘It’s even better that not only does he have the phallic shape, but there appears to be an “eruption” as well in his patterning,’ says Meredith.
‘We think it’s hilarious and make jokes about him all the time. I do tell him he is the most handsome dickhead in the world.
‘Nitro knows he has those naughty markings and loves to flaunt them. He is a definite show-off.’
Along with Nitro, Meredith’s family also have another dog called Jack, three cats called Smokey, Rebel and Bevo, plus a parrot called Charlie, who is Nitro’s best friend.
‘All of our pets adore each other. Jack and Nitro are like brothers,’ says Meredith.
‘He and our parrot Charlie are best friends we got Charlie on the same day we got Nitro so they are very close.
‘People love Nitro when they see him, and always start laughing about his naughty markings.
‘He makes us smile every day and we are so lucky to have him in our lives.’
Calsey managed to make her own foliage wall for just £65 (Picture: Calsey Banks)
If you feel an intense need to snap 100 selfies every time you see a foliage wall, maybe it’s time to make your own.
It doesn’t have to cost the earth. Calsey Banks, a 29-year-old PA from Birmingham, has shared how she added a foliage wall to her bathroom for the grand total of £65.
DIY fan Calsey shopped for artificial leaves and plants from bargain brands such as Ikea, created a frame, and attached her fake leaves with cable ties.
Calsey told LatestDeals.co.uk: ‘Foliage walls have become very popular recently and my plan was to have one in my garden.
‘I found ideas on YouTube and social media.
She bought a frame to make the base and attached plants with cable ties (Picture: Calsey Banks)
‘But my bathroom was lacking in something. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was until I came up with the idea to make a foliage wall in my bathroom before I make it in my garden.
‘I thought by adding this it would add lots of character and it didn’t disappoint.
‘I didn’t want to get it made by somebody else as I know from looking online they can be very pricey and the area I wanted was quite large, so I decided to do it myself to add my own touch and it would be a fraction of the price.
The end result is pretty cool (Picture: Calsey Banks)
‘ It cost me around £65 to make!
‘I got most of my things to make it from IKEA.
‘Firstly, I purchased plant squares to create my foliage wall look, then I added my own plants to add my own touch.
‘I added each stem from the plant with cable ties, and once I was happy with the final look I attached it to the wall with large command strips. It was as simple as that!
‘I am so happy with it and it’s so simple and easy to create – anyone could make it.’
Calsey loves taking on DIY projects (Picture: Calsey Banks)
Tom Church, co-founder of LatestDeals.co.uk, says: ‘There’s nothing like seeing some greenery within your home to add a sense of calm and tranquility.
‘Calsey’s foliage wall is the perfect addition to her bathroom and it gives it that five-star hotel feel.
‘All you need is a blank wall, some artificial plants from IKEA, some cable ties and command strips, and you’ll have your very own foliage wall, which also doubles as a great background for Instagram!’
Anyone else planning this as a DIY project for the weekend?
Eve McDonnell, 72, was devastated when her pet cat Missy escaped from her car when she stopped to buy some milk in Birmingham on 23 April 2009.
A wide search didn’t track Missy down and Eve gave up hope of seeing her again.
But last week, ten years and nine months after Missy went missing, Eve was stunned to be reunited with her beloved pet cat.
The pair saw each other again after a decade apart when a cat rescue centre got in touch to say Missy had been found living on the streets eight miles away from Eve’s home.
Missy went missing in April 2009 after she snuck into Eve’s car and jumped out as the 72-year-old bought milk (Picture: SWNS )
A delighted pet owner has been reunited with her beloved cat – which had been missing from home for 11 YEARS.
Residents in Hall Green, Birmingham, had spotted the stray cat living among rubbish and sleeping on top of a bin where she became known locally as ‘the driveway cat’.
Retired hairdresser Eve said: ‘I never stopped thinking about her. You just don’t forget your pets – they are irreplaceable.
‘She’s had a rough time, but she’s still my cat. I can’t believe she’s alive.’
Eve had assumed Missy was dead (Picture: SWNS )
Missy escaped when Eve drove to Five Ways in Birmingham city centre without realising her pet was asleep on the back seat after hitching a ride.
She had climbed in through the sunroof and dashed out across a busy roundabout when Eve stopped the car to go to the shops.
Missy was recently spotted by Ali Shah and his mum Salma, who fed and sheltered her for several days.
The pair then took her to Little Haven Rescue in Sutton Coldfield, on February 22.
Rescue centre owner Clare Davis, 46, took the emaciated cat to an emergency vet’s where a microchip was discovered and traced back to Eve.
She was stunned when she received a phone call saying Missy had been found (Picture: SWNS)
Clare said: ‘I’ve never had a rescue that has been missing for so long.
‘I’ve returned cats that have been missing for two or three years but ten years is pretty unbelievable.
‘I’m delighted to have reunited Missy with her owner. Missy had had a terrible time living rough for all those years.
‘When she escaped, it was a complete accident, she didn’t mean to take her for a ride.
‘She climbed in through the sunroof, which Eve managed to close while driving along. When Eve rushed out to buy milk Missy ran out onto the island.
‘She didn’t think she would live through all the busy traffic, but Missy did and must’ve walked the wrong way home.
‘When she came into the centre she had to go on recovery fluids because she was so weak after going without food for three days.
Missy’s survival has been called a miracle (Picture: SWNS)
‘At her age it had an enormous effect on her and she was so weak there was no way she could go straight back to her owner in that state.
‘She was on a knife edge and it took a week to get her back into good condition.
‘When I called Eve she said to me: “My mind has been in a whirlwind”. She didn’t know whether she could cope with taking her back.
‘She had given up hope of finding her and had grieved her, thinking she had died.
‘She was absolutely delighted to get Missy back. She had never replaced her and didn’t realise how much she was missing having a companion as she lives alone.
‘But she could never bring herself to replace her.’
‘How Missy survived all those years is by being a typical Missy.
‘She was able to fend for herself and source food. She’s a very intelligent cat and it’s a miracle she survived.
‘She’d cry for food outside someone’s house and would find it naturally.
‘When she came into the centre I started calling her Missy because she was a right little missy cat.
‘And amazingly it turned out that was her real name.
‘I told Eve and she said: “It was because of her personality and temperament I first named her Missy”.
‘We are glad she is finally back home where she belongs after all these years.’
Poo particles are probably in this photo (Picture: Getty Images/iStockphoto Source: iStockphoto)
With coronavirus all over the news and people on public transport covering their faces with masks, it certainly seems like the time to be on high alert.
But although the masks may give you a false sense of security, and a trusty bottle of hand sanitiser makes you feel better about touching the escalator handrail, these techniques haven’t got a patch on simply washing your hands.
Public Health England has advised that washing your hands for as long as it takes to sing Happy Birthday twice is the best protection you’ve got.
And people are clearly taking that advice seriously, with shelves of soap now looking mighty empty as people stock up in case of a more widespread outbreak.
Obviously it’s a good thing that we’ve all gotten to grips with washing our hands – if not a little worrying that everybody wasn’t doing it before. But, there could be a fatal flaw in the plan, and it’s all to do with your mid-morning toilet break Facebook scrolling.
When you take your phone to the toilet with you, wash your hands after you finish, then pick your phone back up again, you’re essentially just re-transferring the same bacteria as before onto your hands.
Professor William Keevil, from the University of Southampton said: ‘You could be washing your hands, but if you start touching your smartphone screen and then touch your face that is a potential route of infection.’
Masks are the last thing you need to be worrying about (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Dr Perpetua Emeagi is a
lecturer in Human Biology and Biological Sciences at Liverpool Hope University.
She warns that scientific studies have shown there are up to 17,000 bacterial strains on the average phone, ten times more than the average toilet seat.
A study by Birmingham based digital marketing agency JellyBean last year found that 54% of Brits have admitted to taking their phone to the loo in the past. That’s more than 25 million British adults checking the ‘gram in the can.
Given the number of bacteria on our phones, and the frequency with which we touch them, it’s inevitable that they’d be major carriers for diseases if we’re not washing them as well as our hands.
It’s not just the touching of our phones after using the loo either, but their mere presence in the bathroom.
Insurance company Direct Line found recently that these bathroom phone users log on in the toilet for 12 minutes a day, the equivalent of 73 hours or three days per year. That’s a long time for them to be around poo particles.
Dr Emeagi, who is teaching ‘public health’ and ‘vaccine development’, says that one of the biggest risks of contamination is from loo flushing – as particles of bacteria – potentially including the coronavirus – are ‘aerosolised’ from the toilet boil and thrown into the air before settling on your prized gadget.
She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘It’s not just a case of what you’re transmitting from your hands to the phone.
‘You also have to consider the effects of toilet flushing. When you flush the toilet, you release aerosol particles, which could be viruses or bacteria.
‘Recent reports have suggested that COVID-19 can be spread through faeces. And so aerosolised particles of poo are a genuine risk when it comes to the spread of Coronavirus.’
Get your disinfectants out (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
It’s one thing to be careless when it’s your own health you’re risking, but Dr Emeagi notes that plenty of people also share phones with their children, potentially putting them at risk.
She adds: ‘It’s a common habit – parents get in from work and give the phone to the children to play with, particularly around mealtimes.
‘This is another way that infections like Coronavirus can spread incredibly easily to the entire household.’
Before you throw your phone into a vat of boiling water to keep it from contaminating your home, there are some pretty easy fixes for this.
The first is to simply stop taking your phone into the bathroom, and continue to practice good hygiene by washing your hands thoroughly.
The second is to clean your phone regularly with ethanol wipes or hand sanitiser on a tissue. Regularly, in this case, means pretty much every time you touch it, which may seem excessive, but stops cross-contamination.
Plus, when you do go to the toilet, close the lid before flushing, to stop these poo particles making their way around your bathroom (and potentially even onto your toothbrush, ugh).
Meanwhile, Dr Emeagi says the best method of containing coronavirus is to assume that everyone else is a potential carrier.
She says: ‘When I took my driving test, my instructor said I should imagine that every other driver on the road is insane and that I am the only sane driver and I should drive properly.
‘And you should adopt this outlook when it comes to Coronavirus. Don’t assume that everyone else is washing their hands, or disinfecting surfaces.
‘Take actions into your own hands and you’ll decrease your own risk of infection.’
When I was thrust into the real world after graduation, I just stopped reading (Picture: Getty)
I have a confession. It’s something that I’ve kept secret for a long time now and I’m certainly not proud of it. I fear that coming clean may risk future employment as a writer, but I have always strived for my column to be as honest it as can be.
I haven’t read a book in 10 years.
Not one. Not a whiff of fiction. In fact, no non-fiction either and over the last few weeks I’ve been trying to figure out why.
I used to love reading at school. I was that show-off in primary school who graduated to ‘proper’ books whilst the rest of the class were was still spending time with Roger Red Hat and Billy Blue Hat, Biff, Chip and Kipper. (If you’re unaware of these cartoon legends then I envy your youth).
I was reading teen fiction before I was a teenager. Mrs Mayhew snuck me a copy of Melvin Burgess’ Junk and I learned about love, heartache and the sheer sh*ttery of living at the precipice of adulthood. The books I read prepared me for my own journey to becoming a grown-up but when I was thrust into the real world after graduation, I just stopped reading.
It’s not like I didn’t read anything at all. As a drama graduate I read scripts and play texts to keep my head in the theatrical game, but this was all for work, for auditions: for a purpose. I read countless online articles – the one night stands of the written word; to keep my intellectual juices flowing, but I lacked the required commitment for a hardback.
I had built up so much pressure on myself to read a book from cover to cover that I had developed ‘reader’s block’
It felt like reading novels was a luxury. Something I couldn’t allow myself time to do. The thought of sitting and reading for fun – indulging in fantasy – gave me an overwhelming sense of guilt. Working two jobs to pay rent and juggling some semblance of a social life with whatever relationship I was stuck in at the time meant that every minute needed justification.
When friends asked what I was reading, I would reel off the titles I devoured back in senior school. One of them became suspicious about how long it was taking me to get through Of Mice and Men. When I told her the truth she was gobsmacked. She had envisioned me as a book nerd with a coffee in one hand and a well-fingered paperback in the other. I do fit that stereotype… but only as a fraud.
I reassured myself that once I was financially secure, I would allow time for literary frivolity. Now in my thirties I’m still financially unstable and have missed out on a decade of reading.
As a writer, I’m all-too aware of the phenomenon that is ‘writer’s block’ but I had built up so much pressure on myself to read a book from cover to cover that I had developed ‘reader’s block’. Reading is essential to expand the mind and exercise your creative muscles. The novelist Stephen King once said, ‘If you don’t have the time to read, you don’t have the tools to write’, and his words echoed in my mind. But whenever I set-aside time for reading, I found myself making excuses and popping on Netflix instead. Perhaps this is particularly symptomatic of city life, especially living in London. It can be difficult to truly switch off.
I set aside time before bed to get through a chapter and I found myself nodding off in a far happier state of mind
Reading required more concentration than my anxious brain was capable of. TV was easy as it stimulated both my eyes and ears and was therefore all encompassing. Podcasts were great as I could listen whilst getting on with housework so I didn’t feel guilty for not being productive. I thought that taking time out to read was selfish, pointless and that my time could be spent far more effectively while I scrolled through videos of Stormi Jenner’s second birthday party on instagram.
Enough was enough.
Choosing the right book was like dating. I had a few flings with novels that looked good on the cover, but we just didn’t click. I needed to see what else was out there. It’s not them, it’s me.
Then, on a Tuesday afternoon, I absentmindedly walked into a bookshop. I browsed through a few paperbacks and gave the spines a cheeky sniff for my satisfaction. Nothing smells as good as a freshly printed book and Waterstones should probably start charging for it. I stumbled across a book with a title I recognised: ‘Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine’. I’d seen it on the bookshelves of friends, and whose taste I respected, so I bought a copy.
Reader; I loved it. Not just the story, but the process of reading itself. I set aside time before bed to get through a chapter and found myself nodding off in a far happier state of mind. In an overstimulating world there is something so peaceful about a book. No ad breaks, no clickbait, just words on a page. It was good for my mental happiness.
I used to be one of those people who didn’t see the logic in making your bed; I was just going to mess it up again that evening. But sometimes illogical things are good for the psyche and is emblematic of self-care and respect.
I still find it a bit difficult to concentrate. Reading is a helpful signifier of where my brain is at. I’ve noticed that when I’m stressed, I struggle to read. My mind wanders and I do that thing where I get to the bottom of a page and realise I hadn’t taken a single word on board. Like most things we find difficult in life, it takes time and practice but I’m slowly getting better at it.
I regret the years I’ve missed out on reading. I have a lot of catching up to do, but I’m useless at judging a book by its cover, so if you have any recommendations then please feel free to throw them my way.
For any of you out there who struggle to keep their focus whilst reading: firstly, congratulations on getting to the final paragraph. Secondly, don’t beat yourself up about it like I did. Perhaps reading just isn’t for everyone all the time. Maybe there will come a moment when it feels easy, maybe there won’t. Or maybe your perfect match simply hasn’t been written yet.
Do you have a story you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing platform@metro.co.uk
It does look familiar (Picture: Extreme Couponing and Bargains UK group)
You probably work or live or study with a Tangle Teezer purist. They swear by the iconic hair detanglers, and won’t put a ‘normal’ brush anywhere near their head.
It’s certainly true that the Dragon’s Den-rejected brand is a huge hit, and has fans including David Beckham and Cara Delevingne.
But one mum thinks she’s found a product that blows it out of the water.
On the Facebook group Extreme Couponing and Bargains UK, the woman shared a picture of a brush that looked very similar to the iconic plastic brush.
This one, however, is from Poundland and – you guessed it – costs only £1. That’s compared to the price of a Tangle Teezer which comes in at roughly £12.
Some commenters said it could be sore on the scalp, while others said it was a dream to use (Picture: Extreme Couponing and Bargains UK group)
Captioning the picture, she wrote: ‘Poundland’s version of the Tangle Teezer hairbrush.
‘This works much better than the brand one. I have a daily nightmare with my three-year-old’s hair.
‘But this brush is fantastic and makes life so much easier. It’s only £1.’
It appears she’s not alone in this, as more commenters chimed in not long after: ‘I use this on my daughter’s hair and [it] makes brushing her hair in the morning a dream,’ one said.
Another commented: ‘I love these. Bought a branded one and this is a lot better.’
Given we have dupes for some of the more expensive beauty products on the market, it was only a matter of time before Tangle Teezer got the same treatment.
Although many people will stay loyal to the original, for people who like to have a couple of brushes or just want to give something new a go, this could be ideal.
Downing cup after cup won’t make inspiration hit (Picture: Ella Byworth/Metro.co.uk)
Coffee increases your problem-solving ability and your focus, a new study confirms.
But it doesn’t make you more creative – so all writers and artists downing cups in the hopes of finding inspiration might be better off with a soothing cup of tea.
For the study, 80 volunteers were randomly given either a 200mg caffeine pill, equivalent to one strong cup of coffee, or a placebo.
They were then tested on standard measures of convergent (problem solving) and divergent (the generation of ideas) thinking, working memory and mood.
Caffeine was shown to improve convergent thinking in the study, while consuming it had no significant impact on divergent thinking.
So while a cup of coffee might improve your focus and ability to get things done, it won’t help much in the way of coming up with new concepts.
Coffee didn’t impair creative thinking, though, so researchers say if you enjoy caffeine while you work, you don’t need to stop – it won’t do you any harm.
Study author Darya Zabelina, assistant professor of psychology at Arkansas, said: ‘In Western cultures, caffeine is stereotypically associated with creative occupations and lifestyles, from writers and their coffee to programmers and their energy drinks, and there’s more than a kernel of truth to these stereotypes.
‘The 200mg enhanced problem solving significantly, but had no effect on creative thinking.
‘It also didn’t make it worse, so keep drinking your coffee; it won’t interfere with these abilities.’
It was roughly two months after he proposed that the dread got hold of me.
I had always wanted a fairy tale wedding, to call a loving, clever man my husband – and he was exactly that.
After a turbulent adolescence of being cheated on, dumped via a Facebook relationship status change and called a slut because I wouldn’t go down on someone, I thought that love meant pain.
I though that it was the price you paid for excitement (if I wasn’t wailing on the pavement or waiting for the silent phone to ring, was I even alive?).
He was different. He didn’t yell or blatantly flirt with other women. He called when he said he would. He was attentive to my needs, articulate about his feelings. He respected my personal space, offered to pay for meals but gladly accepted to be invited too.
We were at university and fell madly in love. An Italian guy added me on Facebook, thinking I was the girl from his public law seminar he fancied. I accepted the friend request, just because he was Italian. We spent ages chatting, long after he realised I wasn’t that girl from public law.
The next day, we met at the library to study and then he cooked me linguine. We haven’t spent a night apart since.
And when he asked me to marry him, on one knee at midnight after a decadent meal in Rome, after four years together, I instantly said yes.
The fear crept up on me. With a diamond ring on my finger, marriage slowly began to feel like an emotional and administrative trap that I wouldn’t be able to escape. The child of a bitter divorce, I was particularly aware that love could be volatile and fickle.
If I got married, would I be able to flirt? And if I wasn’t, where would I get my self-worth from? What would happen if I were to fall in love with someone else? I was terrified of waking up one day, unfulfilled.
I realised that I was planning for catastrophe rather than a wonderful adventure. Falling in love was blissful but engagement, when it finally came, threatened my freedom.
On the day and those that followed, I felt an immense sense of relief and pure joy (Picture: Cécile Beauvillard Burman)
Freaking out at the idea of marriage isn’t uncommon. With less than 20 per cent of millennials getting married (compared to 59 per cent in 1960) and a divorce rate for first marriages of 40 per cent, why would anyone want to tie the knot? At least I wasn’t the only one having a meltdown.
I insisted we talk about divorce and cheating. We said, half-jokingly, never marry someone you wouldn’t divorce. It would never make us immune to tragedy, I knew that, but perhaps talking openly about marriage breakdown – rather than that-which-shall-not-be-named – would name our fears and kill the dragon.
Throughout the engagement, we had dates during which we forbid each other to talk about flower arrangement, guests lists or seating plans. We focused on the marriage rather than the wedding.
When our wedding day came around, I was simultaneously excited and terrified, sceptical about the institution, cynical about its religious component and intimidated by those damn stats.
We chose to write our own vows for the ceremony. A friend declared us husband and wife, by the power we had invested in him. We got married without any backing from any church, with no other blessing than the ones of our closest friends and family.
On the day and those that followed, I felt an immense sense of relief and pure joy. Every time I looked at him, I smiled. Every time we mentioned on our honeymoon we were newlyweds, I wept with joy.
I felt as lucky as I was scared to have found true love but after being together for nine years and married for three, I have discovered a secret: the real joy is not in finding love, but in maintaining it.
The loving, respectful relationship we entered into has changed me. There is nothing boring about being completely free to be who you are. I no longer need to be the centre of painful drama to feel worthy of being loved.
My husband is someone I can be myself with, who knows my failures, understands my weaknesses, forgives my shortcomings, and loves me despite those. I know all about his infuriating habits and the wounds he is licking and love him despite them, too.
Marriage has made a better feminist of me, too. I have learnt how to dig within myself to find pride, rather than looking for it in the eyes of men I was only attracted to for the interest they showed in me.
I value my marriage as a constantly evolving relationship status that grows with us as individuals (Picture: Cécile Beauvillard Burman)
My craving for high-drama relationships – sometimes perverse flirtation and, ultimately, dangerous affairs – stemmed from a cruel lack of self-esteem that my marriage, and the man I married, help heal daily. In making me feel safe, respected and loved for who I am, I am freed from seeking unhealthy drama with emotionally unstable men.
Last year, we became three with the birth of our baby girl. Having a child means we now have to strengthen and polish our marriage daily. Both our experiences of divorce taught us that it is the last thing we want to put our child through.
We even have a few rules – ones we are both certain our parents never had in their failed first marriages. We don’t go to bed angry. We express frustration before it has time to rot inside, but we also share gratitude towards each other by saying thank you and I love you daily.
We have sex more than any other couple we know, because for us it’s one of the ways we stay close to each other. Granted, it helps that our baby girl already sleeps through the night in her own cot, which is quietly rolled out in the corridor.
It has not always been easy. We have been through losses, miscarriage, work disappointments and family crises. Our stressful London life, where work took over everything, was a challenge and ultimately prompted our decision to move to Italy, where the slower pace of life means we enjoy each other’s company more.
But whatever life has handed us, we’ve been better able to deal with it by turning to each other.
I value my marriage as a constantly evolving relationship status that grows with us as individuals. We invest in our married life, we look after it, water and feed it: during arguments, I try harder to put myself in his shoes, to understand his point of view. I try to start more sentences with ‘I feel…’ rather than ‘you always…’. I had a bad habit of slamming doors and walking away. I do that less!
Love is found occasionally in grand romantic gestures, but more often in small acts of kindness. He gets-up first to put the heating on in the morning and fire-up the coffee how I like it.
I organise get-togethers with friends because he loves them but never thinks to organise them. We know when it’s time to not talk to each other: when he plays music, when I write.
Four years in, not only do I love my husband more but I have come to respect the institution of marriage. I know what I am coming home to every day, and that is the ultimate thrill. Marriage is the real deal.
True love isn’t easy. It is hard work, but it should be work you really want to do. It is easy to love and receive love, but for me, what makes marriage different is the pleasure I take in working on issues, in the belief that my relationship will make better people of us both.
We soothe and comfort, mourn and celebrate, champion each other’s creative pursuits, don’t take anything for granted and constantly renew the commitment to changing together.
And whenever I want I bounce my hair at dinner parties and bat my eyelashes at strangers, because I may be married but of course I can flirt. Still, my best flirt is at home with me.
Write for Love, Or Something Like It
Love, Or Something Like It is a new series for Metro.co.uk, covering everything from mating and dating to lust and loss, to find out what love is and how to find it in the present day.
A whole new meaning to getting dirty (Picture: Getty/Ella Byworth)
We are sorry to report, coronavirus porn exists.
Rule 34 – as it’s known online – states that if something exists or you can imagine it, there’s probably porn on the internet about it.
Coronavirus has pretty much proven that rule, and there now exists hundreds of porn videos on tube sites of people getting dirty wearing hazmat suits and masks.
Pornhub currently has 159 hits when searching for COVID-19, with people uploading videos from Wuhan and Northern Italy and capitalising on the virus for a storyline.
Some of the titles available on the tube site include, ‘Victim not allowed to leave, gets more than he bargained for’, ‘F***ing the nurse after coronavirus checkup’, and ‘CORONAVIRUS HAS ME FEELING DIRTY AND STRESSED AND REALLY HORNY…’
Porn creators are making the best of a bad situation (Picture: Little Squirtles/Pornhub)
Coronavirus has killed 3,497 at the time of writing, with 41,099 active cases still recorded.
Although it may seem like a somewhat crass move for erotic content creators to be cashing in on it, one such videographer has stated that it’s merely a lighthearted way to raise awareness.
SpicyxRice, a husband and wife team who make porn, spoke to Motherboard at Vice about the phenomenon, saying ‘We thought we would use our porn as an avenue to get some legitimate information out with some comic relief included to get people interested and reduce our chances of being banned.
‘This sparked the idea, knowing every current event ends up as a porn eventually, we knew people will be searching for it on less censored platforms like Pornhub.’
They claim that they know people stuck in Wuhan, and were aiming for something that’d take people’s minds off the situation rather than offending. They also show things like how to properly fit a mask and how to curb the spreading of the virus.
Although that’s not the case for all the videos being uploaded to Pornhub with the tag, at least some of those creators are doing so with care. If there’s going to be porn of it anyway, why not make it responsible?
Steph and Mat quit their jobs to move to Crete and buy their first home (Picture: @SIDESTEPPING_NORMAL /Caters News)
Steph, 30, and Mat Trott, 34, are living the dream.
In August 2018 they decided to quit their jobs and move to a small village called Houmeri in Crete, Greece, where they were finally able to get on the property ladder and live on just £5,000 a year.
The couple, who used to run a dog walking business, got fed up of living with Steph’s parents while scrimping and saving to sort a deposit for a home.
So they decided to skip ahead 30 years and move to the Greek village they always dreamed of spending their retirement.
The pair spent £50,000 of their savings to buy a two-bedroom villa, located in the quiet village, and say it’s ‘the best decision’ they’ve made.
The couple only works over the summer period, when Steph works in a hotel part- time and Mat, who works as an animal nurse assistant, travels back in the UK for a six week period.
While their decision meant giving up a salary of around £20,000, Steph and Mat say their lifestyles and new location enable them to live on no more than £5,000 a year.
They bought a villa for £50,000 (Picture: @SIDESTEPPING_NORMAL /Caters News)
Steph said: ‘We try to be as eco-friendly and go back to nature as much as possible, our whole aim is to be as environmentally friendly as we can.
‘We are very frugal, we don’t have any mortgage, our outgoings every month are minimal, we are vegetarians, we try to do everything to reduce our impact on the earth.
‘We are cutting out chemicals so I have started to make my own beauty products, we try to reduce the amount of plastic we use too, we have re-usable items for everything.
‘In the winter we cook on the log burner and in the summer, we use our solar ovens so we use as little electricity as possible.
The couple have no plans to move back to he UK (Picture: @SIDESTEPPING_NORMAL /Caters News)
‘When we were saving to come to Crete, we reached a point where we were saving about 90% of our wage so we got so good at saving money, we know how to cut corners on everything.’
While they’re semi-retired, Steph and Mat don’t spend their days lazing around in the sunshine.
‘Our aim is to give back- we are raising money to neuter the stray cats,’ says Steph, ‘we are planting fruit trees up our lane for anyone in the village to come and pick the fruit, we are cleaning the beaches.’
The couple say that moving to Crete was ‘ the best decision they could have made’ and are not planning to return in the UK anytime soon.
Starbucks won’t accept your keep cup anymore (Picture: Starbucks)
As if runs on hand sanitiser and non-recyclable face masks weren’t enough, the coronavirus has struck a fresh blow to environmentalism – this time at Starbucks.
Earlier this week, the coffee giant said that it was suspending its use of reusable cups in the US, including hard plastic and ceramic mugs. And now, Starbucks has rolled out the same measures in its UK.
However, the coffee chain has said that if you do bring your reusable cup into a branch, you’ll still get a 25p discount…even though you won’t actually be able to use it.
The coffee chain’s Europe spokesman, Robert Lynch, said: ‘Out of an abundance of caution, we are pausing the use of personal cups or tumblers in our stores across the UK.
‘However, we will continue to honour our 25p discount for anyone who brings in a personal cup.’
Starbucks in Blackburn not accepting reusable cups because of the #coronavirus give me strength!
And because there’s literally no choice but to have your drink in a paper cup at the moment, customers won’t be charged the extra 5p they normally would.
Over in America, signs are popping up at all branches claiming that the move against reusable cups ‘is one more precaution we can take to protect the health of our community.’
Starbucks is not letting its staff handle reusable coffee cups over #covid19 but filthy, filthy cash is still changing hands pic.twitter.com/40mkYwZ7o5
Despite the fact that around 2.5 billion coffee cups are binned each year in the UK, experts have warned that containing the coronavirus should take a ‘greater priority’ than the climate crisis.
Prof Sally Bloomfield, from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, told the BBC that the reusable cup ban wasn’t ‘being paranoid’ and that handing over a reusable coffee cup was ‘just the same as shaking hands with somebody’.
‘If there’s anything we can do at the moment to slow down the spread, we should be doing it.’
