Do you know DARVO (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
When an influential person is called out for doing something terrible, whether that’s promoting harmful, hateful views, holding prejudiced beliefs, or abusing someone online or in real life, there’s a formula for what they have to do.
First they have to issue an official statement, either owning up to or denying their wrongdoing and offering an explanation or an apology. Then they’ll need to gently rehabilitate their image so they can be officially un-cancelled.
But within that formula, there’s another formula – and that’s DARVO.
DARVO is an acronym that describes the typical response of a guilty person when they’ve been accused of bad behaviour. It’s traditionally referred to in discussions of a perpetrator of sexual crimes, such as rape or physical abuse, but is a pattern that pops up in many other situations in which people are called out for something negative.
It stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender.
Let’s break down those stages.
First you have Deny – that’s pretty self-explanatory. You’ll see the person accused of wrongdoing simply denying that that’s the case; ‘I do not hold those views’, ‘I never said that’, ‘I did not do that bad thing’.
The Deny stage is where gaslighting starts to come into play, with the person often trying to simply deny someone else’s lived reality. ‘No, that doesn’t happen’, ‘no, you’re making that up’, or ‘that might have happened, but it’s not as bad as you say it is’.
Then there’s Attack bit. This is when the accused person will turn around the criticism to focus blame on the person calling them out. So let’s say a celebrity was called out by someone on Twitter – they might go into attack mode by accusing that person of just being jealous, or bitter, or a liar.
Finally, you’ve got the Reverse Victim and Offender stage. This is where things get sneaky and subtle. Suddenly, the accused person will turn things around and say that actually, they’re not guilty of doing something terrible. In fact, they are the ones being treated poorly.
In this stage, you might see someone introduce their own trauma as an excuse or a distraction tactic. They’ll respond to accusations of racism, for example, with a story about how they faced gender discrimination when they were younger. Or they might focus their statement on how they feel ‘bullied’ by the accusations, so those reading feel that the person who has been called out is actually the victim, facing online abuse rather than being challenged on their actions.
She created the term back in 1997, but often speaks and writes about DARVO in the context of the #MeToo movement.
DARVO can be nestled into an apology or it can be a replacement for one. Its aim is to disarm the accusors and essentially prevent people from making further criticisms.
It’s a clever trap when you think about it. Imagine all the stages together in this hypothetical.
Once you know about DARVO, it loses some of its power (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Let’s say an influential person is accused of transphobia. They issue a response in which they deny that they are transphobic – ‘I love trans people! I have many trans friends!’ – then attack their critics – ‘people saying I’m transphobic are just cruel, hateful people who want to cause division’. Finally, they Reverse Victim and Offender: ‘I’m receiving so much online abuse because I’m a woman and we live in a sexist society’.
Now, as a critic, you’re stuck. If you continue to call that person out, you’re ‘cruel, hateful and want to cause division’. You’re being sexist. You’re piling on the online abuse.
Clever, right?
It silences other victims, too, showing them that if they speak up they’ll just have their experiences denied, be attacked, and be blamed.
The dangerous thing is that DARVO works. Research by Dr Freyd and her colleague, Sarah Harsey, found that exposure to a DARVO response was associated with less belief of the victim and more blame of the victim, meaning the response is successful for the perpetrators of abuse.
It’s handy to know about DARVO, however, so you can see through the sneaky tactics and work out what’s really going on. Dr Freyd has said before that people are much less likely to believe and accept a DARVO response once they understand the mechanics of this commonly used technique – and her research backs it up.
Knowledge is power, and the more people know about DARVO, the less effective it becomes.
Happy Pride month to everyone in the LGBTQ+ community! June has long been the month for celebrating Pride, as the Stonewall Riots kicked off on June 28 in 1969, lasting several days and spearheading the demand for equality.
This year’s Pride might look a little different because of coronavirus, but Pride is a state of being, not one parade, and there are plenty of ways to incorporate Pride into your social distancing.
The community today owes a debt to those who came before, and the history of the fight for Equal Rights is long and tumultuous.
Even the adoption of the rainbow flag has significance…
Who came up with Rainbow Flag as a symbol of gay pride?
The first Rainbow Flag made as a symbol of gay pride was introduced by Gilbert Baker, an artist living in San Francisco.
Baker was friends with Harvey Milk, the political trailblazer who was the first openly gay elected official and who was later assassinated.
The pair, along with writer Cleve Jones, wanted to come up with a new emblem of hope for the community, replacing the pink triangle some wore.
The pink triangle had a dark history that some in the LGBT community tried to reclaim – homosexuals were made to wear pink triangles to identify themselves under Nazi rule.
For the new emblem of the community, the idea came to Gilbert Baker at a party.
In Baker’s memoir, Rainbow Warrior, he wrote: ‘The crowd was as much a part of the show as the band. Everyone was there…. North beach beatniks… bored bikers in black leather, lithe girls in belly-dance get-ups, pink haired punks… muscle gayboys… butch dykes in blue jeans and fairies of all genders… we were all in a swirl of colour and light. It was like a rainbow.’
What do the colours in the Rainbow Flag mean?
Once inspiration struck, Baker wanted to give this new rainbow meaning.
The first rainbow flag had eight colours – hot pink, red, orange, yellow, green, turquoise, indigo, violet.
The meanings assigned to these were:
Hot pink – sex
Red – life
Orange – healing
Yellow – sunlight
Green – nature
Turquoise – magic and art
Indigo – serenity
Violet – spirit
As the flag has evolved, some of the colours have changed.
Hot pink has gone, so no more sex (sorry LGBTQ+ folk…)
In reality, hot pink was simply too hard to mass produce for the flag material).
Since 2017, when the Philadelphia People of Colour Inclusive Flag was introduced, the flag has eight colours again:
Red – life
Orange – healing
Yellow – sunlight
Green – nature
Blue – harmony
Violet – spirit
Black – reflecting the black LGBTQ+
Brown – reflecting other LGBTQ+ POC
What do the other LGBTQ+ flags mean?
The rainbow flag is not the only flag representing the queer community today.
(Picture: Kickstarter/danielquasar)
Progress Pride Flag
This flag was created in 2018 by Daniel Quasar in response to Philly’s updated pride flag. It combines the colors and stripes from Philly’s version of the pride flag and the colors of the transgender pride flag.
(Picture: Getty Images/Cavan Images RF)
Bisexual Pride Flag
The bisexual pride flag was designed by Michael Page in 1998 in order for more visibility for the bi members of the community.
(Picture: Wikipedia/archive of pansexualflag.tumblr.com)
Pansexual Pride Flag
It isn’t known when this was officially designed or introduced, but it has been claimed as a pride flag for pansexuals – people who have sexual attractions and relationships with people of different genders and sexualities.
(Picture: Getty)
Lesbian Pride Flag
This version of the flag is now the more commonly-used iteration, though it is an update on a previous version.
(Picture: Pride/This Lesbian Life)
Lipstick Lesbian Pride Flag
This was actually the original pride flag for lesbians, but the lipstick mark was taken off after some conflict within the community and whether original artist had made disparaging remarks about bisexuals and transgendered people.
Some still use this flag to represent ‘lipstick’ lesbians – aka feminine lesbians.
(Picture: asexualityarchive.com)
Asexual Pride Flag
This flag was created in 2010 to help create awareness to the Asexual community – people who feel no sexual attractions.
(Picture: ihra.org.au)
Intersex Pride Flag
Intersex is a term for those whose bodies do not align with the gender binary of male and female. Intersex people might have both sets of genitals, various combinations of chromosomes or other differences.
This flag was created in 2013 by Morgan Carpenter.
(Picture: Getty)
Trans Pride Flag
Created by transgender woman Monica Helms in 1999,Pride.com quotes her as saying: ‘The pattern is such that no matter which way you fly it, it will always be correct. This symbolizes us trying to find correctness in our own lives.’
(Picture: Marilyn Roxie)
Genderqueer Pride Flag
Genderqueer people do not subscribe to conventional gender distinctions but identify with neither, both, or a combination of male and female genders.
The flag was created by Marilyn Roxie in 2011, according to Pride.
(Picture: outrightinternational.org)
Gender fluid Pride Flag
People who are gender fluid don’t identify with one gender, but rather their gender identity shifts between the spectrum.
It is not fixed, and can shift as often as each individual decides.
The flag was created by JJ Poole in 2012.
(Picture: Wikimedia Commons)
Agender Pride Flag
Agender people don’t identify as any gender.
The flag was created in 2014 by Salem X.
(Picture: outrightinternational.org)
Non-binary Pride Flag
Similar to being genderqueer or genderfluid, non-binary people’s gender can fluctuate.
This pride flag was created in 2014 by Kye Rowan for non-binary people who didn’t feel the genderqueer flag represents them, as the term ‘queer’ has been used as a slur in the past.
(Picture: Pride/Tony DeBlase)
Leather, Latex, & BDSM Flag
Fairly self-explanatory, this was made by Tony DeBlase in 1989 and is a flag for those who are not ashamed of their kinks – and why should they be?
(Picture: Pride/Craig Byrnes)
Bear Brotherhood Flag
Craig Byrnes designed this in 1995 for the International Bear Brotherhood, a community of heavier-set, hairy gay men.
Reggie is the brown chihuahua and Bichon mix, Romeo is the white chihuahua (Picture: Leone Galler)
Romeo and Reggie live a life far more luxurious than your average pooch.
Romeo, a three-year-old white chihuahua, and Reggie, a four-year-old chihuahua and Bichon mix, live with Leone and Steve Galler, along with their son, Bradley, 21, in Rochester, Kent.
They dine on daily steak dinners, refuse to drink tap water, – they far prefer sparkling from a bottle – and have a wardrobe of designer clothes worth over £20,000.
Leone, 53, has no shame for spending thousands of pounds on her two dogs, dedicating £80 to Reggie and Romeo’s food each month, £45 on each of their regular grooming sessions, and an average of £300 a month on cashmere jumper and silk jackets covered in Swarovski crystals.
She says the dogs love being dressed up as they’d get cold otherwise.
Leone and Steve with their pampered dogs (Picture: SWNS)
‘They love to be dressed in Furdrobe clothes all made with luxurious fabrics,’ Leone tells Metro.co.uk. ‘I started dressing them in jumpers as they are so small they do feel the cold.
‘They love to wear luxury bows and jackets. You can actually see Romeo smiles when he is in expensive clothing.’
Their pricey diets emerged from necessity, too, as Leone says Reggie and Romeo are both incredibly fussy when it comes to what they eat and drink.
The duo have a wardrobe that cost more than £20,000 in total (Picture: Leone Galler)
‘They refuse tap water,’ says Leone. ‘One day I had a glass of sparkling water on the side and they started drinking it. That’s when I realised [that’s what they wanted].’
Along with the expensive treats the dogs are showered in love and affection, with Leone and Steve taking them along wherever they go.
Leone doesn’t work, so can stay home to make sure the pups are well looked after.
The dogs attract attention wherever they go (Picture: Leone Galler)
‘Romeo is like my shadow, he follows me everywhere,’ Leone tells us. ‘He loves to be the centre of attention all the time.
‘Reggie loves cuddles and giving kisses.’
While the dogs’ pampered lifestyles may raise some eyebrows, Leone says she loves spoiling the duo now that her two sons, Tyler and Bradley, are all grown up.
Romeo is engaged to a maltipom from Palm Beach (Picture: Leone Galler)
‘I will always do what is best for my dogs, and we have the money so why not,’ she explains. ‘We don’t spend as much on ourselves as our dogs.’
One of the dogs’ more exciting plans has been put on pause, however, due to coronavirus.
ggi(Picture: Leone Galler)
Romeo is ‘engaged’ to Delilah, a white maltipom who models for Furdrobe, the brand that makes the dogs’ designer clothing. The pair fell in love over Instagram and in September, Romeo popped the question (or Leone did for him, we imagine. It’s really not clear).
Delilah lives in Palm Beach, US, and so it’s a long-distance relationship. She and Romeo planned to wed this September at an upmarket hotel in Florida, but sadly the pandemic will prevent this from happening.
The couple are now expecting to postpone their wedding until April 2021.
Reggie will be the best man, of course.
Do you have a pet more pampered than Romeo and Reggie? Get in touch to tell us more by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.
The flat is in an iconic modernist block called Chesil Court, in Chelsea (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
Whether you’re in the market for a property or just fancy looking at some jazzy interiors, you’ll want to see this apartment in Chelsea, that’s up for sale for £975,000.
The one-bedroom flat, just next to Sloane Square, is in an iconic modernist block called Chesil Court, which was built in 1938 in an art deco style.
It used to belong to Harry Fowler, a newspaper boy who ended up being scouted by a Hollywood film studio in the 40s and became a national treasure.
That’s a cool fact, but don’t worry if you’re not a Fowler fan – the interiors are incredible in their own right.
While the flat has been refurbished, it has kept loads of its original features, such as an iron bath and a traditional Chesil Court clock.
The entrance to the apartment block (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
The reception room (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
The decor is pretty standout, with rainforest wallpaper in the bedroom, peacock blue silk curtains, and a silk leopard print carpet throughout.
It’d pain us to suggest redecorating, but if you did want to strip out all the snazzy bits, the base of the flat is decent too. It’s 568 sq ft, with a sizeable bedroom, a reception room, a kitchen, and a bathroom – so ideal for a singleton.
There’s a balcony, too, offering views over the communal gardens.
There’s silk leopard print carpet throughout (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
Location-wise, whoever buys the property will be close to Sloane Square station, Cheyne Gardens, and just a short walk from King’s Road and Battersea Park.
Its former owner, as we mentioned, was Harry Fowler, who appeared in TV and film for more than 60 years before his death in January 2012 at the age of 85.
Harry was best known for his part in The Army Game, after he was discovered by a film producer when he was a teenager newspaper seller living in London, who heard him talking on the local radio about life during the Blitz.
The bedroom (Picture: Strutt & Parker
Just look at that wallpaper (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
The producer was on the hunt for a local boy to star in a propaganda film, and Harry got the part.
After that he became a star, appearing in The Bill and Lawrence of Arabia.
In between all that he found the time to buy this Chesil Court flat.
If you fancy now buying that flat, you’ll need to front the £975,000 asking price as well as a £5,000 annual service charge.
Rupert Greig, Senior Associate Director at Strutt & Parker Chelsea, said: ‘Chesil Court, built in 1938, is one of the famous Art Deco blocks in this part of Chelsea of which there are a few.
The kitchen (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
‘If you’re looking for a safe lock up and leave, these blocks are perfect and seeing a resurgence in popularity. Swan Court just up towards the Kings Road is a bigger version of Chesil Court and has recently undergone a major overhaul to restore it to its former art deco glory; Chesil Court is undergoing a similar transformation at the moment.
‘The building sits within Old Chelsea at the bottom of Flood Street by Cheyne Walk.
‘A typical buyer of this sort of property will be looking for a secure pied-a-terre, somewhere for their children or just downsizing locally.
‘The vendors are creatives – he is a musician while she is a designer – and they’re now looking to upsize in the same area.
The bathroom (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
And finally, the balcony (Picture: Strutt & Parker)
‘The artistic building has attracted an eclectic mix of residents over the years and retains a real sense of community, year round.
‘The current owners love the building, while the flat they occupy is the former home of actor Harry Fowler, the newspaper boy scouted by a Hollywood film studio in the 40s who later became a national treasure.
‘The property provides a fabulous mix of modernist architecture with an eclectic interior design.
‘There are original features including the iron bath with marble surround, radiator and fireplace, and additions such as the Crittall windows, fully upgraded galley kitchen and underfloor heating.’
Going to the pub, you might not think about the long journey your pint has to go through to get from the barrel to your glass.
But kegs and beer taps are a seriously techy business, and need a lot more maintenance than simply changing the barrel (as the Queen Vic and Rovers Return might have us believe).
Thankfully there are plenty of options so you can have delicious fresh pints poured your own way and in your own home.
Some of these are more kitchen-friendly, while others are catered to people with larger spaces and a bit more cash to spend.
Given the amount of shed-to-bar DIY transformations we’ve seen recently, it might be worth investing in a tap system for your new man/woman cave.
With National Beer Day this Monday 15 June, it’s a great time to take the plunge.
Krups SUB
This would make a nice definition to your kitchen (Picture: Krups SUB)
The Krups SUB is a compact beer tap that uses mini kegs of 2 litres, which is just under four pints.
It can easily sit on your worktop (replacing that slow cooker or food dehydrator you’ve never used) and cools your beer ready for pouring.
The beauty of the SUB isn’t just its small size, but the fact you can order pretty much any name-brand beer for it, so you can have a cold, crisp Tiger on curry nights or a Delirium Tremens when you’re on the sesh.
Prices vary for the kegs, but tend to sit around the £8.99 mark for most lagers.
All it needs is a frat to drink it (Picture: MorePour)
Recreate an American frat party with these pumps that fit on the top of the keg.
On the downside, you won’t get any cooling benefit from these, and the beer will need to be used up quickly, but they’re ideal for when you’re having loads of people round who’ll likely be burning through the beer at a fairly quick rate.
Imagine the afterparties with this in the gaff (Picture: CDA)
It’s certainly not a budget-friendly option, but if you have the cash, you can’t get better than the CDA BVB4SS integrated tap.
You have it fitted to your kitchen and it’s like having your own mini pub.
With that comes the fact you have to clean the lines and buy the extra accompaniments to connect the tap. But still, just look at the thing.
It suits any keg of 10 litres and above, and chills them instantly between 4C and 8C. The tap also has some very swanky LED lights to give it extra pizzazz.
Another option that’s anything but budget-friendly is the Klarstein Kegerator. It does look hella cool, though, and has loads of cool features.
It looks like a regular fridge, so you can pop a keg (up to 50 litres) in there and it’ll cool it down without an unsightly metal barrel.
The tap part of things has two outlets, so if you popped in two smaller kegs (up to 20 litres each), you can serve your guests two different beers throughout the night.
The temperature adjusts between -1C and 4C, and there’s also a can shelf for the craft beer afficionados.
Just pop in any beer or can and watch it come to life (Picture: Fizzics)
For the more fairweather beer fans, this Fizzics tap isn’t overly expensive and can be put away when you’re done with it.
Rather than using a keg, this converts a can or bottle into draught beer and runs on either USB or battery power (2 AA) so you don’t need any special extra equipment.
It comes in a variety of finishes and is easily portable.
Beer ifs pretty much the lifeblood of our country and many others.
Why International Beer Day (which happens to fall this Monday 15 June) hasn’t been made a Bank Holiday, we’ll never know.
But that’s not the only beer-related question we have. In fact, the nation has been searching for plenty of different things related to the beveraged.
We’ve compiled a list of some of the weirdest questions you lot have about beer, and answered them all in one handy place.
You’ll never have an uninformed pint ever again.
Are beer cans recyclable?
All metal beer cans are endlessly recyclable, so it’s important not to throw them in the bin.
According to Recycle More, if all the aluminium cans sold were recycled there would be around 14 million fewer dustbins emptied into landfill sites every year.
Simply rinse out your cans and put them in your recycling bin or take them to a recycling centre. If you buy a multipack with plastic rings, cut these up and they can be recycled at your local supermarket along with plastic bags.
How much would you pay for a draught pint right now? (Picture: Getty Images/Cavan Images RF)
Are beer and ale the same?
Essentially, all ale is beer, but not all beer is ale.
Beers are generally divided into two families; lager and ale.
They’re both made roughly the same way, but lager is fermented using a bottom-feeding yeast. They take between four and five weeks to ferment, and do so at between 3C to 10C.
Top-feeding yeasts are used for ales. This only takes five to ten days and the yeast forms a film at the top, functioning best at 20C to 25C.
Other than that, both lager and ale use hops, malts, and water, but because lager has fewer sugars in the end result, it tastes crisper and cleaner compared to the richer ales.
Within lagers and ales there are more subcategories such as bitters, stouts and porters in case of ale and bocks, pilsners and darks in case of lager.
Lagers are typically lighter (Picture: Getty Images)
Can beer go off?
Like any food or drink, beer can go off, but it depends on how it’s stored and the type of beer.
Because it’s made from organic materials, oxygen, light, or bacteria exposure have an effect on how it tastes and speed up the decaying process.
Most beer you’ll buy in a shop has an expiration date on the bottle or can, but some will still taste fine and can be consumed after this as long as they’re stored correctly.
Everything from how far the beer’s travelled, when it was made, what the packaging is like, and the temperature and light conditions in storage impact this.
Keep an eye on the sell-by date, but you can often get away with drinking it a few months later if it’s been in the fridge.
Most beer will keep for longer than the expiration date says it will (Picture: Getty Images)
Can beer freeze?
If you’ve ever put a bottle of vodka in the freezer, you’ll know that it’s much harder to freeze alcohol than water due to its lower freezing temperature.
Beer has a lower alcohol content than spirits do, but it also has sugar in it which lowers the freezing temperature even more.
So it will freeze, but it’ll take longer to do so than water or other liquids would.
Just make sure that if you pop your bottle of beer in the freezer to cool down you don’t leave it too long. Otherwise the pressure in the bottle will grow and you’ll end up with the top popping off – or worse, an explosion.
We miss the pub (Picture: Getty)
Can beer cause thrush?
Thrush is a condition caused by too much yeast in the body. Ergo, you might think that beer (which is made with yeast) can cause thrush.
And you’d be right.
Most alcoholic drinks have the live yeast brewed out of the, but in beer some still remains.
That doesn’t mean that every time you have a few beers you’ll suddenly be plagued with yeast infections, but if you’re already prone to yeast infections, beer could exacerbate things.
Who doesn’t love cracking open a cold one with the boys (Picture: Getty Images)
What beer is vegan?
There is a wide range of vegan-friendly beer out there, but some beers use ingredients like milk or honey in the processing which makes them unsuitable.
Others use isinglass in the filtering process – a product made from fish bladders – which also is not vegan.
Nowadays, beer producers have other ways to filter their beer (such as filtration using moss or seaweed) so brands like Heineken, Corona, Coors, and Budweiser – as well as many others – can produce a vegan brew.
Beer has been around for a long time (Picture:: Getty Images)
Where and when did beer originate?
Beer has been around a long time, and it’s thought to date back to around 10,000 BC in Ancient Mesopotamia.
It’s been theorised that the idea for beer came from someone trying water that bread had been sat in, which sparked recipes made from grains and water.
The Sumerians had various different types of beer recipes, and the Ancient Egyptians were also partial to a cold one.
Why do we get a beer belly after one too many?
The old phrase ‘beer belly’ is used to describe someone who likes their beers plentiful and as a result ends up with some junk in the front.
Beer isn’t the sole source of blame for these rotund tums, though. It’s actually just the extra calories that are consumed – whether from beer, wine, food, or anything else.
Drinking alcohol regular can also change the way your body burns fat, with it working hard to process the alcohol you’re consuming rather than getting rid of the fat.
So if you want to get rid of a beer belly, it’s not really about removing it from your diet, just having it in moderation – like everything else.
The world in which we now live is undeniably different to the one we knew before Covid-19 emerged and spread with devastating speed.
But we’re different too.
For so many of us, living through a pandemic will prompt a personal crisis not unlike the ones typically associated with hitting 50 years old or going through a divorce. The process is already underway – we’re questioning everything, reflecting on the reality of our lived exsistences, and planning to make major change.
That might manifest in a drastic career change, breaking up with a partner, or moving to another country.
But however it appears, this change is borne from a global crisis prompting a personal one, making us question the very meaning and purpose of our existence.
That process isn’t an easy one. Going through a dramatic personal overhaul of involves confronting difficult emotions and can often be akin to experiencing grief – for the lives and mindsets we had before.
Psychologist Gillian Bond points to a number of psychological models of change to help us understand how we’ll deal with every part of our lives being thrown up in the air – the Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle Model, the Transition Model, and Murray Parkes’ Theory of Loss.
A (very) basic overview of psychological models of change
The Kubler-Ross Grief Cycle Model
The model is used to help people understand their emotions through a dramatic change. Often used to look at grief as an emotional process it is also used for helping people to manage other big changes in their lives such as redundancy or an event which is out of control, such as a pandemic. The model states that after a major event people go through 5 stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
The Transition Curve Model
Again, we’re talking about going through different stages in response to a dramatic event.
This model states that people go through 3 stages; Ending, Losing or Letting Go, The Neutral Zone, then Recovery.
Murray Parkes’ Theory of Loss
This one has four stages: Numbness, Searching and Pining, Depression and Recovery.
These are models and stages that we typically associate with losing a loved one – but they can be prompted by any major life event, including the immense stress of living through a pandemic.
‘Once a pandemic starts, then for each of us there would be a period of shock or denial and with it we would experience a range of emotions such as panic, fear, numbness,’ Gillian explains. ‘After that there may be feelings of anger, rage, depression and fears of the future, the uncertainty of it all.
‘As the process has gone on some of us may be stuck in denial for example or rage, others will move towards acceptance of the situation and adjust our thinking and behaviour to adapt to what is required.’
Simply acknowledging that going through all these emotions is normal and to be expected can be beneficial.
It can help to know that these stages are simply essential stops you have to make in order to come out of the other side, ready to make positive change and live in a new way post-coronavirus.
Because yes, the end result of this grief-like process will be, for many of us, a radical overhaul of our lives – and that can feel incredibly unsettling.
‘In developed countries, our “little lives” are built on assumptions that the world is a fairly secure, predictable place and that society will scaffold us if we need help,’ charted clinical psychologist Dr Hamira Riaz tells Metro.co.uk. ‘The global pandemic has challenged the foundations of this belief system so we are all feeling much less safe than we did at the beginning of 2020.
‘That in turn has fuelled a degree of existential inquiry – is this the life I want to be living, what do I really need to be happy, etc.
‘We know people react to change in predictable ways. Any significant disruption to our lives (positive or negative) is accompanied by a rollercoaster ride of emotions from excitement to overwhelm, from denial to depression.
‘2020 is the year that forced many of us to take a long, hard look in the mirror and face into the “bigger” questions we’ve managed to avoid until now.’
This is a time for self-reflection (Picture: Metro.co.uk)
It’s likely these ‘bigger’ questions will centre on the purpose of our personal existence, especially as we’ve been forced to confront illness and death on an inescapable scale. While people have always died and been ill, coronavirus became an invisible, all-over threat outside our doors and repeated on social media and news channels by the minute.
We’ve been forced to confront the reality that we’re all at risk. Life is frail and temporary – are we living it in the best, most meaningful way?
‘All human beings have a need for meaning and purpose,’ says Gillian. ‘During and after the pandemic, people will gain some form of personal meaning from this situation and it will have an effect on them. It will be different for each person.
‘The chance to be kind to others may give people a great deal of satisfaction and wellbeing for example and this may lead to them feeling they have purpose and have found meaning in life.’
To allow personal growth and change, we have to be ready to accept and move through the emotions a personal crisis will bring up and let go of our past selves.
‘The degree to which this will catalyse long-lasting personal and collective change depends on whether we were confronted by deeper insights about who we are and who we want to be during lockdown,’ Hamira adds.
So how do we make sure we survive and thrive through a pandemic-prompted upheaval of our life’s values? How can we know the changes we’re making are the ‘right’ ones?
Gillian advises following instructions and guidance by the Government, if only so we have some kind of framework to fall back on when everything else seems unstable. Routine is essential to keep you feeling secure as you go through so much personal change.
‘This provides a framework on what to do, why to do it and when to do it,’ she explains. ‘These instructions keep us going through the transition stages and help us to focus on positive changes and the end outcomes just like in the transition models for loss and grief.
‘To keep well in these times having a routine or pattern or anchor will help stabilise people so for example, going for a walk everyday, sitting with your family to watch a specific TV programme or watching nature can help in keeping people relaxed and well. Small patterns or routines can make a big difference in wellbeing.’
Acknowledge the stages of emotion you’ll go through and treat yourself with care to ensure you can do each one in a way that feels safe and permitted.
‘We know people react to change in predictable ways,’ Hamira notes. ‘Any significant disruption to our lives (positive or negative) is accompanied by a rollercoaster ride of emotions from excitement to overwhelm, from denial to depression.
We’re likely to question our life’s purpose (Picture: Getty/Metro.co.uk)
‘It is important to allow yourself to be human during these periods, instead of benchmarking yourself against unrealistic superhuman standards.’
If you are finding any part overwhelming or you’re finding these emotions difficult to handle it’s worth speaking to a therapist.
As you respond to living through a pandemic, it’ll be tempting to rush straight through to making drastic changes – quitting your job, selling your things and buying a van, or even something as small as shaving your head.
When you’re experiencing a time of crisis, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that if you change one thing, everything will be fixed.
Exercise caution and go slow to ensure you don’t do anything you regret.
‘At this point in time I would suggest not making any rash decisions, making a note of what you want to change and why you want to change it and then reflect on this once the pandemic has reduced,’ says Gillian.
‘Some people will have discovered that they need to make personal changes as a result of the pandemic. For others, new activities or behaviours will be a coping mechanism to get through these times.
‘Making a list of the pros and cons of any changes you want to make in your life is a good place to start. Then look at the steps you need to take in order to make the changes.
‘If you approach this in a practical way as a series of steps you are less likely to make a rash decision which can then ruin your future plans.
‘Unless you can actually see an improvement from making personal changes, then do not do it as it is not a good time to do so. Make plans but wait until the situation is more stable so you know that you are thinking clearly.’
Hamira, however, suggests looking within to know if pandemic-prompted changes are the right call.
‘We are the authors of our life stories, regardless of the degree to which our circumstances feel pre-determined,’ she says. ‘If you are not clear on your purpose (the reason why you are on the planet), it is harder to feel sure you are making the “right” choices for you. A strong sense of life purpose acts as a North Star.
‘You know you are on your path when the change you’re contemplating makes sense within the broader narrative of your life story. It may seem a rash and uncharacteristic move to some, but that becomes less important if it feels coherent to you and those who really know you well.’
What Comes Next?
After months of strict lockdown measures, isolation and anxiety - we're beginning to look to the future.
What will life look like when we emerge into our new normal?
Can things ever be the same as they were? Do we even want them to be the same?
What Comes Next is our series of in-depth features unpicking the possibilities for the future.
Every day for two weeks, we will look at the future of work, dating, mental health, friendships, money, travel, and all the other elements that make up our existence.
Our lives have been turned upside down, but change doesn't always have to be a bad thing.
This pandemic has simply highlighted that Travellers need more permanent local authority sites (Picture: Mary Turner/Getty)
People have a very stereotypical view of Travellers.
They seem to think we just live in roadside encampments or caravans, but the vast majority of us are in traditional housing or on permanent sites.
And like everyone else, we’ve been deeply impacted by coronavirus.
Coming from a variety of circumstances means that coronavirus is affecting Travelling people in very different ways. The minority who are still roadside face increasing challenges in accessing water and sanitation, with gyms and swimming pools closed.
Smaller trailer fridges mean that when the initial stockpiling frenzy started, people found it difficult to buy the items they needed. At Traveller Movement – a charity that advocates for the rights of Gypsy, Roma and Traveller (GRT) people – we’ve heard repeatedly how worrying this situation has been for the community.
While the government has issued guidance not to move Travellers on, not all councils and police forces are following these rules. In Dorset, for example, a family was evicted from their site twice by police, even though the council had previously allowed them to stay.
This pandemic has simply highlighted that Travellers need more permanent local authority sites.
At the minute, apart from the order not to move Travellers on – which doesn’t apply to the majority of us – there has been no specific communications that bear our living circumstances in mind.
We need to have advice that can guide us on issues unique to the GRT community that may arise due to the pandemic.
For example, many people are digitally excluded, or don’t have access to laptops or other digital devices. As a result, children cannot complete homework.
The lack of access to online information means that a lot of the government’s announcements have not reached the GRT communities. We’ve heard that those who are self-employed were unaware of the assistance programmes for people whose work has dried up.
Public health messages have also not been disseminated. So many Travellers are quite frightened by the lack of information on how to stay safe.
The Government should be working with local authorities to spread any updates as far as possible.
Our NGO has been so overwhelmed by the lack of support and advice reaching the GRT communities that we’ve added a dedicated coronavirus page to our website and are doing outreach to make sure people feel as informed as possible.
These are difficult times for us all. My own community has suffered decades of neglect by central government and there is much work to do
There are so many aspects of lockdown that bring up specific worries for the GRT community, something that I have experienced.
Many Travellers live in multi-generational households, and I’m no different. When coronavirus started spreading I knew I would have to stay indoors, as I have caring responsibilities for my granny. I’m fortunate that I was able to start working from home and access my university courses online.
But I fear easing the lockdown and sending people back to work will lead to a second spike. For those of us who must stay in to protect loved ones, the guidance on going back to work also puts us in a difficult position.
Not being able to see wider family is also taking a toll on a lot of Travellers’ mental health. It’s especially worrying as mental illness and suicide are already significant issues in our communities.
As a charity we know that this is an issue that will only get worse but the NHS doesn’t record specific Gypsy, Roma or Traveller (GRT) data, which means there is no tailored approach – something that is desperately needed.
And then there is the fear of an increased slew of vitriol during lockdown. In April, Channel 4 Dispatches aired The Truth About Traveller Crime, which saw many online call the community ‘absolute filth’, with one going so far as to say ‘I’ve never wanted a certain group of people to get wiped out by coronavirus so much’. The documentary is now being investigated by Ofcom after receiving over 800 complaints.
You would hope the pandemic would bring out the best in people, but sadly not.
These are difficult times for us all. My own community has suffered decades of neglect by central government and there is much work to do.
However, we will work together to ensure that our future generations – our young people – are returning to school, that they get an education and that they are able to advocate for themselves.
This is why I do my job. This is why I am an education advocate. We are stronger together, and we will overcome this.
High street retailers and department stores are allowed to reopen from tomorrow, providing they follow the Covid-19 secure guidelines set out by the Government in May.
Restrictions will be in place to ensure social distancing rules can be adhered to, while increased hygiene measures must be observed.
Outdoor gyms are still closed, with most cordoned off and made inaccessible to the public.
However, most sports courts are now open for use, and personal trainers can resume work, providing they train with no more than five people at a time and in an outdoor session with social distancing in place.
The latest government advice on the matter, dated 1 June, states: ‘Any facilities associated with outdoor sports and physical activities were permitted to reopen Outdoor sports courts are allowed to be open if those responsible for them can open them safely.’
Outdoor facilities have been taped off (Picture: Paul Ellis//AFP via Getty Images)
‘This included basketball and tennis courts, playing spaces like golf courses (public and private) and playing fields and water sports. However outdoor gyms, playgrounds and outdoor and indoor swimming pools will remain closed.’
Meanwhile, gym chain David Lloyd has reopened some of its outdoor facilities and has restarted a programme of socially distanced outdoor classes.
Huw Edwards, the chief executive of UK Active (a company which represents thousands of gyms and leisure centres) has revealed he is cautiously optimistic the industry could be back in action by summer.
He said: ‘We want to open in a way which is safe for staff and customers, allows people to come back and train, and then gets businesses up and running again.
‘The government has said to us nothing before the fourth of July. Our plan is to take government and Public Health England officials out to sites to reassure them that gyms can safely implement social distancing.
These three kids are Sophia and Chris’s biological children (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Sophia Cooper says she is regularly stopped in the street by strangers who ask why her daughter Flossy is Black – when her two sons, Fin and Maxwell, are white.
Finn, 11, and Maxwell, eight, have inherited their Irish dad’s fair skin and bright eyes, but sister Flossy, four, has inherited her mum’s dark skin and hair.
Mum Sophia, who lives in Redditch, Worcestershire, says that she and husband Chris, 42, a recruitment manager have always noticed a difference in the way their daughter is treated compared to her sons.
They’ve also decided to speak out about the racism Flossy faces – including being called ‘chocolate face’ at preschool.
Sophia, a women’s health charity director, said: ‘Flossy was told she has a “chocolate face” by another child, and she was really upset about it- the boys never had to deal with that.
‘From the moment she was born we noticed the difference in the way people approach her, in the way they perceive her.
‘As a woman of colour it seems difficult to openly speak about race without making it seem you have a chip on your shoulder.’
The boys have taken after their dad while Flossy looks more like her mum (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Sophia worries that despite Flossy having the same set of parents, the same lifestyle and upbringing, she may not have the same opportunities as her sons.
She said: ‘She was born with a “tan” and when we brought her home and introduced her to our family, people would just say “isn’t it funny that she is Black and the boys aren’t ?”.
‘People find it really hard, asking questions like “why is she Black?”- I’d say “because I am Black”.’
Sophia has also received comments about whether she is the biological mum of her sons who have a different complexion to her.
Finn and Maxwell did once enquire why their sister looks different to them but have not mentioned it since.
Flossy has been called racist names at preschool (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Flossy is oblivious to the comments for the most part but it really grates on mum Sophia.
She adds: ‘It’s the little things like at school discos, people would ask me “is she twerking?” – I‘d say “no, she’s four, she’s just shaking her bum”, that’s what four years olds do.
‘She is oblivious at the moment but she was upset about the chocolate face thing.’
And while she has experienced discrimination herself, Sophia wants to raise her daughter to have her own voice and be confident about who she is.
‘I was told by a man on the bus that if it weren’t for him people like me wouldn’t be allowed into the country.’ she said.
‘Three years ago I went to exchange a toy for my kids, it was raining, I was wearing a tracksuit and I had my hood up.
‘I bought £150 worth of things and exchanged a toy of £7.
‘Somehow I ended up sitting in a small room, accused of shoplifting – they believed the toy I wanted to exchange, I had stolen off the shelf.
‘I had to call the police because they didn’t let me leave – I even offered to pay and they still wanted me to admit that I stole it.’
Sophia worries all her children won’t have the same opportunities (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Sophia thinks there’s a long way to go to achieve equality.
She said: ‘Ever since I became a mum I noticed there is so much more that needs to be done. Saying “we are all the same” is not really enough anymore because that is not changing things.
‘I am concerned every day Flossy won’t get the same opportunities as the boys.
‘Either it’s the boys getting higher salaries, or Flossy not getting interviews for jobs because companies checked on her social media and saw she’s Black.
‘Flossy is not going to be able to make a change on her own – it takes all of us.’
Meet the Gavin family (Picture: Caters News Agency)
There’s never a dull moment for the eight members of the Gavin family who live with 81 exotic animals.
Dad Scott Gavin, 35, has built five outdoor enclosures for his animals while three Burmese pythons share a room with his son Robert, 12.
The dad-of-six insists it is ‘totally safe’ to allow the snakes – as big as 12 ft – to slither around the back yard while his children Chloe, 11, Ellie-Mai, eight, Emily, three and 21-month-old Megan play.
Scott’s love for animals has been passed on to his children – especially Robert who is autistic and finds comfort in his pet skunk, Rosie.
Their barn owl, meerkats, hedgehogs, Burmese pythons, giant cockroaches and many more are registered for therapy visits to elderly homes.
The youngest member Megan has Down’s syndrome and she loves the snakes too but doesn’t hang out with them much.
The family lives with 81 animals (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Scott said: ‘Megan loves the snakes but she is too heavy-handed.
‘If it is a sunny day, I allow the snakes to roam free in the garden and bask in the paddling pool whilst the children play but I would never leave them unattended as they could constrict any of them – at any time.
‘Emily isn’t fazed by house spiders as she has grown up with three tarantulas – she has held them ever since she was 18 months old.
‘I am very proud of how the children are with the animals but they don’t know any different.’
The family also has guinea pigs, rabbits, meerkats, ducks and a large number of reptiles including geckos, lizards, and snakes.
‘Robert and Rosie the skunk are inseparable which is really sweet – she calms him down when he is angry and cuddles him when they watch TV,’ added Scott.
‘We have 14 snakes in total which include pythons, corn snakes, a false water cobra, barons racer and western hognose – they are harmless.
Little Megan likes the snakes but dad Scott says she can be heavy-handed with them (Picture: Caters News Agency)
‘There is a potential threat with the pythons – they could decide to constrict you at any moment but I look after them well and I don’t think it would happen.
‘I have kept snakes for over 20 years so I know what not to do. The snakes are happy they are well fed with fresh water and in the correct temperatures.
‘I’d be lying if I said I have never been bitten by one when cleaning out the tanks but it is going to happen with these types of animals.
‘I previously had 26 stitches in my hand as one of the racoons were in season and bit my hand but that doesn’t make me love them any less.’
They’ve also got meerkats (Picture: Caters News Agency)
Scott lives in a five-bedroom house with his family and animals which cost £400 a month to care for.
When working with the animals and the general public, Scott says it can be very ‘rewarding’ as the animals become a good talking point for the elderly.
He said: ‘There’s many perks to the job such as seeing people’s face light up when they are a few feet away from a racoon or realise a skunk doesn’t actually smell.
‘But I will never forget the moment an autistic boy broke his five-year silence when communicating with me about one of the skunks – his mum was so happy!
‘It is also fascinating to see the elderly with the animals and hear stories from back in their day.’
According to the NHS website, ‘all men must wait three months after having oral or anal sex with another man before donating’ (Picture: Martin Price)
I’m 25 and I’ve just given blood for the very first time.
But that’s not to say that I’ve never wanted to give blood in the past. It’s because, as a sexually active gay man, it’s illegal for me to do so – until my circumstances recently changed.
On the way to the clinic, I was a strange sort of nervous because it was a completely unfamiliar experience. Like the first day of a new job.
Arriving on the dot to help social distance between donors, I was screened for coronavirus and led through to the big donation room.
Handed a question sheet and an information brochure, I ticked off the questions as I waited. During my pre-donation assessment, the ‘donor helper’ and I ran through all of my answers – investigating my medication, past operations and holidays.
We also had a deep dive into my coronavirus-enforced abstinence with my boyfriend. He’s 200 miles away and it’s been over three months since I last saw him.
This abstinence meant that I was now eligible to give blood.
According to the NHS website, ‘all men must wait three months after having oral or anal sex with another man before donating.’ This wait is to ‘reduce the risk of any very recently acquired infections not being detected on screening and further tests.’
This restriction is unfair and affects thousands of men like me across the country.
Straight people can largely shag whoever, whenever and still donate blood. However, if a gay, bisexual or queer man does the same, they must wait for three months.
I understand we’re at an increased risk of infection, but if the blood is screened anyway – which it is for syphilis, Hepatitis B, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis E, HIV and first time donors Human T-lymphotropic virus – why the double-standard?
The LGBTQ+ community is more protected than ever from HIV. We have HIV prevention drugs like PrEP, which is a pill you can take to protect you from contracting HIV, and PEP, which is a drug you can take within 72 hours if you think you may have been exposed.
Should I want to donate outside the circumstance of social distancing, I’d be discriminated against just because I happen to sleep with a bloke. Who doesn’t love some systemic homophobia?
My donation is a protest (Picture: Martin Price)
During my appointment, a nurse arrived to counsel me and even sympathised about the blood ban.
She said she often had to let other men know they aren’t eligible to donate because of the three-month blood ban. She also has friends who can’t donate for this reason.
The hour-long appointment itself was relatively painless. It only took around five minutes to fill up a pint of my blood and I was free to go.
Refreshments were flowing and there were smiling faces behind the PPE. The trademark care and compassion of the NHS.
Knowing all of this now, I wish I could donate again in the future, but I probably can’t. As soon as I see my boyfriend again as a result of the lockdown easing – and we, er, reconnect – I’ll become ineligible.
Donating blood seems the morally right thing to do – paying it forward in case I ever need blood.
I’ve wanted to donate in the past, having booked an appointment last year. I didn’t fully understand the ban at the time and wasn’t sure which types of sex it included. I read the NHS Blood website again carefully and realised I couldn’t donate, cancelling my appointment.
Asked why I cancelled, I explained I’m gay and realised I didn’t meet all the criteria. They understood and asked me to reconsider if I found I could give blood at a later date.
Some mates have asked why I’m donating when the system continues to discriminate against men who have sex with men.
My donation is a protest. I’ll give blood now because it means so much to me, but the Government must reassess the blood donation ban because it’s outdated and unfair.
Up until 2011, men who have sex with men were completely banned from giving blood. The rules were changed to include a year’s abstinence. Then in 2017, following campaigning from gay rights and health groups, it was reduced to three months.
There has been progress and it feels like the end is in sight. Research is ongoing to lift the ban completely with personal risk assessments about the individual blood donor, rather than entire sexualities.
Anyone currently able to donate, including those who otherwise couldn’t, should book an appointment. Let’s protest together and save a life in the process.
The three-month ban is as a reminder during Pride month that our work is not yet done.
Ethnic minorities experience socio-economic disadvantages compared to their white counterparts (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Job prospects for ethnic minorities continue to lag behind opportunities for white people due to ‘persistent racism at a societal level’, claims a major new study.
Most ethnic minorities experience ‘indisputable’ socio-economic disadvantage in employment opportunities, according to research involving more than 70,000 people in England and Wales.
The study, due to be published by the British Sociological Association, compared the latest census data to the equivalent figures from in 1971.
Four decades on, most Black, Asian or other minority groups were still more likely either to be in manual work, unemployed, or off sick than their white counterparts.
Study researcher Dr Saffron Karlsen, of Bristol University, said: ‘The evidence for the socio-economic disadvantage experienced by most, although not all, people with ethnic minority backgrounds in England and Wales compared with the ethnic majority is indisputable.’
Bame people are more likely to be in manual work (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
The team analysed employment data for seven ethnic minority groups including Bangladeshi, Black African, Black Caribbean, Chinese, Indian, Irish and Pakistani, and compared the results to the reality for the white majority.
They used Office for National Statistics data from the latest census in 2011.
The most disadvantaged groups were men and women of Bangladeshi and Pakistani ethnicity, who in 2011, were 50 and 30% more likely to be in manual work than their white counterparts respectively.
Women of Bangladeshi, Black Caribbean, Black African, and Pakistani ethnicity were between 1.6 and more than five times more likely to be unemployed or off sick than white women.
Men of the same ethnicities were around two times more likely in the same measure.
Despite the persistent gaps, there were some signs that prospects for some ethnic minorities are improving.
Chinese and Indian ethnicity men are now less likely to be manual workers in 2011 than white men, which is a reversal compared to 1971. The scenario was the same for women of Chinese ethnicity.
In addition, even though the void between the white majority and ethnic minorities still exists, it has narrowed compared to 1971.
In the 1971 study, men in six of the seven ethnic minority groups were more likely to be in a manual job than white men, a figure that fell to four groups in the 2011.
For women, six of the seven ethnic minority groups were more likely to be in a manual job than white women almost half a century ago, a figure that fell to four groups in 2011.
For Irish-heritage groups, both men and women are just as likely to be manual workers than their white majority peers.
But for ethnic minorities, rates of unemployment or sickness remained bleak.
In the 1971 census, men in five of the seven ethnic minority groups studied had a rate of unemployment or sickness higher than that of white men. That figure rose to six groups in 2011.
The equivalent was true for women in six of the seven ethnic minority groups in 1971, and those figures did not budge in the latest census.
Experts say it isn’t up to individuals to change these dire stats but for institutions to redress the imbalance.
Dr. Karlsen, a sociologist, added: ‘These findings would appear in keeping with work exposing the ethnic penalty which continues to affect the access of minority groups to employment and the ways in which persistent racism limits access to positive socioeconomic outcomes including social mobility.
‘There is sufficient consistency to suggest that this is a problem produced and perpetuated at the societal level.
‘Addressing these inequalities will not be resolved by a focus on particular individuals or cultures and their perceived limitations, rather the focus should be racism, discrimination and their consequences.’
The study is due to be published in the journal Sociology.
After his tweet went viral, amassing more than 600,000 likes, others pointed out extra security measures aimed at products that are popular with Black and Latinx people.
On Jesús’s tweet, which was captioned; ‘it’s more than just police’, people said supermarkets being more vigilant with people of colour was ‘everyday systematic racism.’
The extra scrutiny on Black customers is part of the phenomenon known as shopping while Black (Picture: Twitter)
Many of the commenters noted that shoplifting wasn’t taken as seriously when the perpetrator is white.
One person wrote: ‘I don’t know a single black person who shoplifts, in comparison to my white friends who steal from Walmart and Target every Wednesday,’ while another said: ‘I learned what shoplifting was from my white friends.’
Some said it wasn’t about race but more about locking up items that are predominantly stolen.
However, one person pointed out that if that was the case then it says more about the socio-economic circumstances of the demographic that need to be addressed.
Their tweet said: ‘Let’s acknowledge that the issue is not the stores locking up high theft products, but why those products are high theft. They are frequently stolen because people can’t afford them, right? Why can’t people afford them? They live in disadvantaged communities.’
Makeup with darker shades have also been targetted (Picture: Twitter)
One user showed that Latinx communities are also targetted.
They wrote: ‘If you’re looking for a pregnancy test at CVS, the ones with Spanish translation cost 50 cents more for no observable reason!!! I compared the boxes and the features and the only difference truly is the Spanish translation.’
While many people slammed American stores and pharmacies, others pointed out that British retailers can also be guilty.
Walmart responded to the criticisms saying: ‘We’re sensitive to the issue and understand your concerns. We have made the decision to discontinue placing multicultural hair care and beauty products in locked cases. This practice was recently in about a dozen of our 4,700 stores nationwide.’
Our beloved kitties are usually a fan of some delicious treats.
But one little cat likes to really go to town, taking huge mouthfuls which is reminding some people of the popular children’s game Hungry Hippos.
When the cat’s owner, a public defender from Philadelphia called Luke, tweeted it, he didn’t expect the video to go viral.
More than three million people tuned in to see Luke’s cat gorging on his food.
Many were tickled by the fact that the eating habits were reminiscent of Hungry Hippos which – to those who aren’t aware – is the tabletop game where each player has a lever attached to a hippo, which must consume as many marbles as possible to win.
In Luke’s video, captioned ‘what in the world kind of pig cat eats like this?’, there was another cat who seemed to eat a bit more normally.
But most viewers were enchanted by the hungrier cat.
While it was all fun and games, some Twitter users pointed out that pets eating more than they should, could be signalling a difficult history.
One person wrote: ‘If a cat has been feeding for itself outdoors before it finds a home, this happens.
‘When they finally get regular food their instincts are to gorge. It causes extreme weight gain. I feed mine in different spots for that very reason. They learn that no one is coming for their food.’
Another echoed the thoughts, saying: ‘I rescued a dog who was abandoned and nearly starved to death. He acted like this with his food. Heartbreaking. Give him his own bowl in a separate place. No competition!’
Cats who eat too much can put on weight or have a higher risk of joint pain, breathing difficulties, arthritis, diabetes, liver, and teeth problems.
If you want a pint in the park but don’t actually like beer, these are the brews for you
On National Beer Day and beyond, few things top the simple joy of cracking open a cold beer on a hot day.
Unless you don’t really like beer.
I am one of these people. I think most beers are gross. They taste old and stale and I don’t know how anyone can actually enjoy them.
But there are occasions when spirits don’t feel appropriate, a nice cordial doesn’t hit the spot, and a beer really is the only option.
In those moments, I am grateful for the existence of flavoured beers, which give you all the same highlights of the beer experience (easy drinking, not too boozy, cold and refreshing) without the normal beer taste.
Below we’ve rounded up some genuinely tasty beers, nearly all tested and approved by a noted beer-hater (yes, that is me).
The makers of this brew describe it as ‘a beer deliberately made not to taste like beer’… which is pretty much exactly what this list is about, so it’s a perfect fit.
A sour made with passion fruit and a subtle, peppery spice.
BrewDog Barnard Castle Eye Test IPA
A limited run, so move fast
Unfortunately this is a limited run brew, so you won’t be able to get your hands on it forever. We’re hoping that by bigging it up here, BrewDog might extend the run or at least bring out a similar beer, as it’s such a great one.
You’ve got flavours of pineapple, mango and lime making this super fresh, zesty, and easy to drink.
This doesn’t even taste like beer, it’s more like a nice fruit punch.
That’s thanks to Dugges using 15 different types of fruit to get in loads of flavour: pineapples, oranges, blueberries, lemons, elderberries, raspberries, strawberries, cherries, mandarins, mangoes, passion fruits, peaches, plums, pears, and apples.
Yes, it’s sour, as the name suggests, so if you’re not a fan of sour sweets like Tangfastics, this isn’t the drink for you.
This one’s not out yet, but you can sign up to the waitlist. According to actual beer-drinking people I have spoken to, it’ll be very tasty as it’s a gose, which tends to have a pleasant citrus taste.
Like lemonade, but a beer. Super citrus-y – so much so that some beer fans don’t like this can, as it doesn’t taste enough like beer… more like ‘lemon sherbert’.
Of course, if you’re reading this, that likely sounds like exactly what you’re after.
I was diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes days after by husband died (Picture: Linda Aitchison)
As I gorged on my third mini Mars bar from my kitchen’s treats cupboard, my daughter Melissa cried.
‘Mum, you’re diabetic,’ she pleaded as she watched me down the chocolate bar in one bite. At the age of 13, she’d lost her dad and was terrified for me too.
I tearfully shouted back at her, screaming that I knew I had diabetes. She was right to be scared and angry but I was in so much emotional pain; anything I ate never touched the sides. From 2012 to 2017, I was in the grip of a hateful, never-ending ‘binge, diet, binge’ cycle that I never thought I’d be able to escape.
My Type 2 diabetes was diagnosed three days after my husband Neil died, paralysed by skin cancer. We lost him six weeks after his 44th birthday in May 2012.
With a blood sugar test reading almost three times what it should be, my GP practice nurse was worried about me. But my mind was elsewhere, as I struggled to cope with my grief.
Along with my twin daughters, Melissa and Emily, I had bereavement counselling. We started as a family before Neil died, and continued weekly sessions for a few months, then sporadically for around three years.
Duing that time I was diagnosed with PTSD by a specialist emotional health team, amid recurring flashbacks from witnessing my husband’s agonising decline, and the brutal reality of his body being ravaged by cancer.
Our counsellor told me and the girls that home was a place of safety where we could express our anger and despair. We interpreted this as meaning that we could take it out on each other.
We argued incessantly. While my friend and business partner Carol became my rock outside counselling, I’d still spend most days in tears and the only things that seemed to give me comfort were crisps, chocolate bars and secret visits to the chip shop.
My weight slowly crept up to 17 stone. I’d been a little overweight all my adult life, but my mind wasn’t on my body size as I cared for Neil. He’d had never cared about how big or trim I was, though he was always slim and fit.
I did worry about the example I was setting my daughters. But they had a much more healthy relationship with food than me – more like their dad’s ‘food is fuel’ attitude.
I ended up back in the hospital where Neil had died about a year later, after paramedics came to my house when I’d called NHS 111 to say I felt short of breath. They found that my blood sugar levels were dangerously high. I had a suspected kidney infection which was treated in hospital, but before I left tests showed I also had pneumonia.
With my GP practise nurse’s support, I put my diabetes into remission within three months by eating healthier, cutting processed food and exercising. I began to feel healthier and more ‘me’. People started to compliment me on how much better I was looking and I eventually lost three stone over the next couple of years.
Then, in May 2017, Carol died.
She succumbed to lung cancer six weeks after diagnosis, and eight weeks after the loss of my beloved father-in-law. Trying to hold it together in the aftermath of widowhood and the agony of losing Carol, brought more dark days where only chocolate and junk food gave me comfort.
My weight went back up to 17 stone. I was lethargic and very short-tempered. I was fraught and fragile. My diabetes also returned. I was ashamed of myself and worried my girls might lose me too.
When I had my own endometrial cancer scare last year, the weeks waiting for my results were excruciating. Although I didn’t have cancer, I promised myself I’d get better.
I reversed my diabetes in six months (Picture: Linda Aitchison)
I enrolled with a ‘total body rehabilitation’ specialist called Jim Thorp, from JT Ethos in Sutton Coldfield. I thought he’d lecture me on what to eat and make me run round a gym. Instead, for months, he patiently listened and helped plot a healthier future.
We studied goal-setting, nutrition, the importance of sleep and planning my days – finding more time for me. We worked on meal suggestions together and Jim taught me about proper relaxation, as I was stressed out from the demands of work since Carol died. He was a massive positive influence on my mindset.
At the same time, my closest friend and colleague, Katie, Carol’s sister, had lost two stone on a new diet. With my girls away at university, she moved me into her house and cooked reduced carb recipes for me for a week.
Feeling more confident, I embraced this way of eating. I lost 6.5lbs in the first week and almost five stone in five months. But I only followed principles of the diet rather than counting calories.
My mantra was ‘be kind to me.’ If I had a day when I’d inhaled my body weight in sugar, booze or carbs, I still got up the next day and kept going. I quit comparing myself and my weight to other people’s, and put my long-term health first. I got active – walking, resistance training, swimming, running a Couch to 5k, hiking and even kayaking.
I loved abandoning my old habits. I felt my extra weight was outward evidence of inner trauma. So it needed to go. It was as simple as that. This spurred me on to embrace fitness, even when I fell from my kayak into a canal.
My diabetes was reversed in six months, with a blood sugar reading well within normal range, and I hit nine stone on the scales. I haven’t weighed myself sinceautumn 2019. After years of yo-yo dieting, it feels like liberation. Avoiding shaming myself was key.
I’d often referred to my eating patterns as ‘disgusting’ or ‘awful’ – I didn’t deserve that, I was coping with extremely tough times in the only way I’ve known.
I’ll never go back. I’ve also embraced intermittent fasting, which to me just means cutting back if I overdo it in a sensible, balanced approach.
I’ve not eaten pasta, rice or mashed potatoes in more than a year and I don’t miss them.
I look at all I’ve been through, and I’m proud of myself. My confidence has returned. People tell me I’m inspirational, but I’ve just had to keep going.
I’m dating again, a lovely kind man who’s there for me. My amazing, compassionate daughters, now 21, also make me proud every day.
I’m still the same person as when I was eight stone heavier, I’m just a lot healthier – and happier – now.
Jemma and Marley, and right, his injury (Picture: Mercury)
Jemma Hammerton was out for a walk with her five-year-old Jack Russell cross Marley when she decided to throw a stick for him to catch.
But when he failed to come running back she rushed over to him to find him covered in flood after he had been impaled by the small branch.
Jemma, 22, from Willenhall, West Mids, admits she thought Marley, was dead when she ran over to find the branch she had just thrown lodged deep in his throat.
After an initial month-long course of antibiotics and pain medications the pooches’ injuries came back to haunt him in February and Marley needed an hour-long surgery to remove previously undetected bits of the branch which were still stuck in his neck.
Now Jemma is warning out pet owners to be careful when throwing things for their pets
She said: ‘We were out on our usual walk when a stick I had thrown dug itself into the mud and was pointing upwards.
Marley was impaled on the stick (Picture: Mercury)
‘Marley ran to get it but didn’t stop in time and the stick got lodged in the back of his mouth.
‘I ran over and he was desperately trying to get it out with his paws, and in a panic I pulled it out of his mouth.
‘There was blood pouring from his throat and he just became limp and lifeless.
‘I actually thought he was dead and that the stick had gone through his neck completely at first.
‘I was hysterical, it was like I was losing a child.’
Unable to get Marley seen by a regular vet after hours, Jemma rushed him to Wolverhampton PDSA Pet Hospital in December last year where he was given pain relief and antibiotics, and asked to return for regular check ups.
Marley’s injury after it was stitched up (Picture: Mercury)
Over the next month, the injured pup started to get back to his usual self, but in February Jemma noticed that a small lump on his neck had started to leak puss and go black.
She took him back to PDSA, where investigative surgery showed there were still parts of the branch in his throat which needed removing, and within an hour he was back on his feet.
Jemma said: ‘It was like there was something there trying to push its way out.
Jemma and Marley (Picture: Mercury)
‘It looked incredibly sore and had started pussing and going black.
‘He was acting so out of character, so I knew something wasn’t right so we took him back to PDSA to get it checked.’
Now Marley is full-recovered but Jemma said it could have been worse and she wants to warm others about throwing sticks after learning from the charity that these injuries in dogs are much more common than you might expect.
She said: ‘I want to urge other owners not to let their dogs play with sticks while out walking. I learnt the hard way and I don’t want anyone else to go through what Marley’s been through.
‘Marley means the world to me and I am forever grateful to everyone at PDSA who were absolutely brilliant.
‘I can’t thank them enough for everything they did in keeping Marley with me, I dread to think what would have happened if we didn’t have them. They are a God-send.’
As non-essential shops reopen – we look at how customers can stay safe (Picture: David Rogers/Getty Images)
After three long months of lockdown the shops are reopening today.
Non-essential shops have been closed for weeks, but as of today we can go back to clothes shops, department stores, electronics shops, and most other shops that you find on the high street.
It is still vital that you maintain social distancing while out shopping, and wear a face mask when it isn’t possible to be two-metres apart from others, and shops are taking extra precautions to improve hygiene and safety – but there is still a virus out there, so there is still a risk.
If you do decide you want to head straight back to the shops today, it’s really important that you’re careful and you follow all the rules. And it’s understandable if you’re nervous.
Research from Unilever shows that the overwhelming majority (87%) are worried about picking up Covid-19 from surfaces in shops and other businesses when they reopen.
Dr Lisa Ackerley has offered expert advice for consumers to help them prepare for shops reopening – how to stay safe and keep those anxieties at bay.
‘With nearly a third (32%) of the population concerned about surface hygiene practices at small/independent local shops, cafes, and businesses, it’s important that we as consumers feel prepared to venture into the outside world and exercise hygiene advice to prevent the spread of Covid-19,’ says Dr Lisa.
‘First and foremost, if you’re feeling unwell or self-isolating, do not leave your house!
‘For those who are healthy enough to do so, when you arrive at the shop, queue responsibly outside until it’s your turn and observe distancing rules.
‘Take this time to observe any notices the business may have put in place – for example, there may be one entrance and a separate exit to reduce the risk of people in proximity.’
‘Cash has a high chance of carrying many germs’ (Picture: Getty)
Dr Lisa suggests using a good hand sanitiser – one with more than 60% alcohol – as you enter the shop – and then use it again after handling clothes and paying.
‘When paying, ask if you can do so via an app or use contactless, as cash has a high chance of carrying many germs,’ she says.
‘Don’t be alarmed if you notice the cashier cleaning the card machine between customers. It’s important that businesses regularly disinfect frequently touched surfaces, such as card machines, using products that are scientifically-proven to kill the virus.
How to stay safe in the shops
If you are unwell – stay at home
Observe social distancing rules and keep your distance from other people
Wear a face mask in spaces where it would be hard to social distance – and at all times on public transport
Use hand sanitiser when you enter the shop, and then again after handling clothes, surface and paying
Avoid touching your face or removing your mask while shopping
‘In fact, business owners and consumers can rest assured, thanks to a new lab test, that Domestos Thick Bleach (1:8 dilution ratio of bleach to water) and Cif Antibacterial Spray are both over 99.99% effective against SARS-CoV-2.
‘Always remember, another important way to help prevent the spread of the virus is to wash your hands thoroughly at key moments (with soap and water for at least 20 seconds) or use a hand sanitiser over 60% alcohol, and practice social distancing.’
Parvinder Sagoo, medical advisor at SimplyMeds adds that it’s important to opt for a mask which covers your mouth and nose area fully, and sits tight enough on the skin.
‘If you can purchase a filtered mask this is advisable, failing that a well-made, double layered mask should suffice,’ says Parvinder. ‘Keep the mask on at all times, even when you are in less crowded areas.
‘No doubt shops and shopping centres today will be packed. Try to keep your distance from others as much as possible, if a shop looks crowded or has a queue that is not adopting social distancing then avoid it.’
Parvinder adds that you shouldn’t queue for a shop unless you have to, because a queue means the shop may be crowded inside.
‘If you are clothes shopping, avoid any small or compact areas such as changing rooms or the top floor of shops where there is not much air flow and it can get hot and muggy, a haven for any possible bacteria.
‘Do not head into town without your hand sanitiser, anti-bacterial wipes and any other items you feel you may need. We would also advise wearing surgical gloves especially if you are heading into a clothes store where everyone will be touching the clothes and materials, therefore increasing risk of possible transmission.’
Stay alert whilst moving round the shops, suggests Parvinder.
‘If anyone is coming too close to you, step back and keep the 2 metre rule in mind. If someone appears to be coughing or sneezing, then move far away from them.
‘When you are queuing for the till, be mindful of your space, if you feel anyone is coming too close to you then politely ask them if they could move away.’
What are shops doing to keep customers safe?
Staying safe as shops reopen is a joint effort. Customers must be sensible and follow all guidelines, but business-owners also have a responsibility to keep consumers as safe as possible.
Retailers have been told to make every effort to comply with social distancing, according to the latest guidance from the government.
Where this is not possible, they’re advised to take mitigating measures including reviewing the layout of their shop, screens to separate people from each other, staggering the arrival and departure times of employees to avoid overcrowding, and a one-way flow system through stores with floor markings and signage.
When it comes to customers, retailers are being encouraged to limit the number of customers in-store and encourage them to shop alone, use floor markings and signage to aid social distancing, and suspend or reduce customer services that cannot be undertaken without breaking social distancing guidelines.
The government is also encouraging shops to use outside space for queuing where possible, and fitting rooms should also be carefully considered and only used where necessary.
When handling returns, these should be no contact where possible and products should be taken to designated areas.
Returns should also be kept separate from displayed merchandise to reduce likelihood of transmission.
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It’s National Beer Day and to celebrate, we bring you the beer car chicken.
With this recipe, there are two good things – you get a juicy delicious chicken, and you have to drink half a can of beer to make it work.
The idea is that you cook the chicken on top of the can of beer, infusing it with the stuff as it cooks.
It can be cooked on a BBQ so it’s great for summer or in an oven if you’re trying it on a rainy day.
Ingredients
A whole chicken (Around 1.8kg is good)
440ml can of beer
For the rub
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp paprika
Pinch of salt
Pinch of black pepper
1/2 teaspoon chilli powder
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 onion powder
3 tbsp olive oil
Method
First mix the rub together. Put all the spices in a bowl together, drizzle the olive oil over the chicken and then sprinkle the rub and massage it into the skin. Make sure you cover everywhere.
Open the can of beer and pour half of it out (you can drink that). Make sure the tin is open and then place the chicken on top, so it is sitting on the can, with it in the cavity.
Set your chicken up like this (Picture: Getty Images)
You can cook it either on the BBQ or in the oven. To cook in the oven, heat the oven to 200C/180C fan/gas mark 6 and sit the chicken upright on a baking tray. You might have to remove any shelves from the oven to give it space.
If you are using a BBQ, you will need one with a lid and it must be large enough and strong enough to support the chicken sitting on top. In a small BBQ, you can remove the grill and place a roasting tin directly on the coals to give you space for the chicken.
To prepare the BBQ, let the flames die down and then place the chicken upright, put the lid on top and leave to cook for around one hour 20 minutes.
After that time (in both methods of cooking), check that the outside is brown and the juices run clear. If they don’t you need to cook it for another five minutes and check again.
Once it’s cooked, leave it for 15 minutes to rest before serving.
