In my first year of university, I began running again – but this time it was different (Picture: Emma Green)
I first remember running for exercise at school at the age of 11.
We had to do 1500m and I was one of the last to finish. I didn’t enjoy it and never thought it would be something I would return to.
Ten years later, in my first year of university, I began running again – but this time it was different.
I was living away from home, making new friends and getting to grips with my studies, and found myself controlling my food intake in order to cope.
Exercise quickly became part of this. It made it easier to hide my eating disorder from others, and to convince myself I was fine, because I was still having a relatively ‘normal’ amount of food and exercising it off.
I started swimming, then going to the gym, and the running came after that. There was something particularly gripping about doing it: I could switch off and go faster and further without anything standing in my way.
With my fitness tracker giving me all sorts of information – heart rate, calories burned and pace – every run gave me a sense of satisfaction that I couldn’t find anywhere else.
It didn’t matter what the weather was doing, how much sleep I’d had or whether I even wanted to go, I felt compelled to run.
Gradually, I went further and further and sometimes ran twice a day. But no matter how many miles I clocked up I was always pushing myself to do more. I knew that I was running a lot but I wasn’t ready to accept that I was struggling with an addiction, and staying in denial helped me carry on.
One day whilst I was out on a run, I felt a sharp pain in my inner thigh. I tried to ignore it and kept going. Stopping, or even just slowing down, didn’t feel like an option.
Research on my symptoms and nature of my injury all pointed to a stress fracture. I knew that it was from running and exacerbated by not eating enough, but exercise had become such a big part of my life, physically and mentally, that giving it up – even cutting back – felt too scary.
No one knew what was happening. Despite living with university friends, I had isolated myself so much that I didn’t feel able to open up, and everyone seemed caught up in their own studying, partying and relationships. I don’t think they noticed anything was wrong.
My parents were concerned but I was living far enough away that I was able to hide the severity of my behaviours for a relatively long time.
Knowing that I no longer have to worry about exercise is liberating (Picture: Emma Green)
It was only after struggling with a panic attack in my final year that I was finally diagnosed with an eating disorder. I knew I could no longer carry on as I was and as fearful as everything felt, I was equally terrified that my eating disorder would kill me, and I didn’t want to die.
I was finally ready to commit to recovery after university and got referred to a therapist. We discussed my eating and exercise in detail and, crucially, the thoughts and feelings that surrounded them. It was clear that I’d have to stop running – I simply couldn’t trust myself to moderate the amount I was doing.
That realisation brought a mixture of relief and guilt. My body needed the break but still, it felt like I needed to run just to feel normal.
My anxiety around food increased as I eased off the exercise, taking away any possibility of me enjoying food. I craved the escapism that running gave me, and had a constant battle in my head, caught up in an-all-or-nothing mindset.
But when it came to running I ultimately decided, for the time being at least, it would have to be nothing.
I’ve now been successfully recovered from my eating disorder for years, yet up until recently I was still trying to convince myself that I didn’t like running. After so long pushing myself to the limit, I had no clue what moderation felt like, or whether it was something I was even capable of.
It was during lockdown that I became curious about going out for a run again. I had started to do a few workouts in my studio flat after gyms and swimming pools closed and felt so grateful to move just for fun without attachment to food or how my body looked.
Slowly, I began to crave something more energetic, where I could get fresh air and switch off from the relentlessness of the pandemic.
To ensure that first run would be as stress-free as possible, I didn’t plan a route or have a target distance or time – I just stepped outside my door and started to move towards the nearby canal.
I instantly relaxed. I loved the rhythm of my feet hitting the ground, the sensation of my heart beating fast and seeing my reflection of the water alongside me.
When I started to tire, I turned around and ran back home. No guilt, no anxiety – just gratitude for all the years I had put into my recovery.
Running can be a helpful stress-reliever, particularly when other forms of activity are off-limits, but it shouldn’t be the only one. Having a singular coping mechanism made it much easier to overdo it, particularly when life felt challenging.
There’s no such thing as a ‘healthy addiction’ either, despite messages from the fitness industry suggesting otherwise. I never questioned things like ‘no pain, no gain’, ‘no days off’, and ‘you never regret a workout’ but am now able to see how problematic and triggering they can be.
Knowing that I no longer have to worry about exercise is liberating, and friends and family know that it is only one small part of my life along with reading, meditating and watching movies.
I’m happy that I can run sometimes and remain mindful to ensure it stays healthy. I’m currently following a training programme, and have no desire to do more than scheduled or take rest days whenever I need them.
Images of what the new Water Cures Spa could look like (Picture: Water Cures Spa)
Swimming pools and lidos are still closed but for those who love the water, there is some good news.
London could be getting the UK’s first floating lido.
Plans have been submitted to create a swimming pool on a 60m Dutch barge at West India Quay near Canary Wharf in East London.
The boat would also have a sauna, plunge pool and office space.
Barge lidos have been popular in other cities including Berlin, Paris and New York but the Water Cures Spa would be the first one here if the planning application is successful.
It differs from a traditional lido as chlorine would not be used in the water. Instead the pool would be filled with naturally filtered and heated dock water.
There would also be reed beds and vegetation so it might feel more like you’re wild swimming.
Water Cures Spa would be open seven days a week from 6am to 11pm so lots of time for a relaxing swim around work.
They also plan to hold acoustic gigs, yoga and talks at the venue, with a focus on community engagement and helping to improve mental wellbeing.
Plans are currently in the early stages (Picture: Water Cures Spa)
Nico Thoemmes, a bodywork therapist behind the project, said: ‘Water Cures was inspired by an outdoor bath on a freezing night in January.
‘The experience of being immersed in a warm body of water with views to the sky, enclosed by frosty air was incredibly relaxing, curative and exhilarating and started an interest in the sauna & cold plunge practice.
‘I wish to create a new spa culture in the UK doing away with ‘luxury’ and ‘pampering’ and instead share the mental well being, physical recovery and social benefits of the spa.’
The plans are still in their early stages so it might be a while before you can take a dip but it sounds like an exciting project.
The science experiment that looked more phallic than intended (Picture: Emma Holmes / SWNS)
A mum-of-two was left mortified when an innocent picture she took of a science experiment went viral – after social media users mistook it for a sex toy.
Emma Holmes shared a photo of a foamy substance caused by a chemical reaction.
The 29-year-old had conducted an experiment with her children causing a reaction using hydrogen peroxide, yeast, and warm water.
The reaction is dubbed ‘elephant’s toothpaste’ as it looks like foamy toothpaste being squeezed from a tube—but so big that it looks almost fit for an elephant.
But when Emma, a paralegal, shared the image to Twitter, she was bombarded with replies that it looked like a phallic sex toy.
Emma, who lives in Leeds with partner Ryan Potter and their children Harry, nine, and Isabelle, seven, said she was shocked by the reaction.
It quickly went viral with more than 10,000 retweets. One tweeter quipped: ‘Sorry but I saw dildos in the garden’ while another said: ‘I need my eyes tested’.
Mum Emma just wanted to take science outside for her two kids (Picture: Emma Holmes / SWNS)
One user asked what she had used to make the explosion and Emma saw the funny side, replying: ‘Two tablespoons warm water, one teaspoon yeast, food colouring, hydrogen peroxide – either 3% or 6% dish soap, empty plastic bottle. Boom – homemade dildo looking mess.’
Emma joked that Twitter is a strange place for making the picture go viral.
She said: ‘I honestly didn’t see it at first, but now everyone has mentioned it, I can’t unsee it. Twitter has corrupted my mind.
‘It just so happened that we used red food colouring and it turned it pink which made it worse, if it wasn’t that colour it wouldn’t look so bad.’
The family has been shielding during lockdown as son Harry has asthma, so Emma has been homeschooling while Ryan works on a farm.
Emma, a paralegal, added: ‘I thought nobody wants to be stay inside doing English and maths when the weather is like this, so I decided to take them out and do something fun.’
Emma said it was all the Leeds followers she has on Twitter who made the picture go viral (Picture: Emma Holmes / SWNS)
She added: ‘I took the picture and posted it without checking it, I didn’t think anyone would mistake it for anything else.
‘But one innocent picture has gone worldwide. It has been mental. I have been tweeted by people all around the world.
‘I showed it to my dad and he was in fits of laughter. He was like “come on Emma, how did you not see it?”
‘I was just trying to do something fun for the kids, that will teach me to think in future.’
Nicky showing the stages of breastfeeding (Picture: Facebook)
Breastfeeding as a new mum can be tricky – it’s all new, you’re sleep deprived and a little all over the place.
But one woman has created a video to show why you should keep baby on the breast, even when it looks like they aren’t doing much.
Using a sponge and three wine glasses, breastfeeding peer supporter Nicky Gibbon, from Calderdale, Yorkshire, explains how to know when your baby is full.
She starts by taking the sponge and dipping it in a jug of water that is dyed blue and some oil, representing the fattier portion of the milk.
She explains: ‘If you were to express your breast milk and let it settle, it would separate like it has done in this jug, but in the breast it is all mixed up together.
‘The sponge represents the breast. It’s important to remember that breasts are not storage vessels. Milk is not stored in them – it is made on-demand as baby is suckling.’
After mixing the oil and water together, she takes the sponge and starts sucking up the mixture.
She then holds the sponge over the first wine glass and squeezes the initial liquid out.
Have you ever wondered what a breastfeed looks like?Our Breastfeeding Peer Supporter Nicky has kindly made this video to help explain what a breastfeed looks like. Lots of mums tell us they worry about breastfeeding because they canât see what their baby is getting. It is very rare that a mum wonât make enough milk for her baby. So although you canât see what is going in there are others ways to can tell if your baby is feeding well. Take a look at their nappy!! We have attached a simple check list, but if you have any worries please contact theHealth Visitor Service desk on 03003045076 Monday-FridayPeer supporter helpline over the weekend 07920466660Your body is amazing it has the ability to make milk for your baby that is unique to them. Your breast milk is packed with antibodies that will help your baby fight infection. Motherâs assessment tool âhow can I tell breastfeeding is going well – https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/10/mothers_breastfeeding_checklist.pdf
Geplaatst door Steph Merrick op Woensdag 3 juni 2020
She says: ‘When you first latch your baby on for a feed, that will start with rapid sucks and that is to initiate the letdown.
‘During letdown, baby will be sucking and swallowing quite quickly to keep up with the fast flow of milk.’
This is the ‘thirst-quenching part of the milk’ which has a high water content and it is packed with glucose to wake baby up.
Nicky adds: ‘As the letdown slows, baby will settle into a more rhythmic suck/swallow/breathe pattern of feeding.’
Mimicking the pattern with the sponge over the second wine glass, she explains that this starts to let the larger fat molecules in.
She says: ‘You can see in the second glass that there is more fat than the first.’
Moving on to the third glass, Nicky explains this shows the end of the feed.
‘This is going to get really messy she says. At the end of a feed, baby may flutter and it may be really tempting to take baby off at this stage as it can seem like they are not doing much at all.
‘But if you had taken them off, this is what they would have missed out on. This is a really high calorie milk and it’s needed for weight gain and to satisfy their hunger.
‘The fat molecules at the end of a feed are so large that babies flutter to allow their tongue to manipulate those really large fat molecules out.’
At the end, the final glass is filled with cloudy fatty liquid.
Nicky also adds that it is normal for babies to seem like they want the second breast after a feed because of this fatty milk.
She says: ‘The reason is because we compare this high-calorie milk to something like chocolate, and after having chocolate, we often reach for a glass of water ourselves, and babies are no different. They may want some of that thirst-quenching milk to wash down the chocolate at the end of the feed.’
But she also notes that when there’s a heatwave, babies might not want to have that fattier milk.
She says: ‘They may want short, frequent feeds for more of this thirst-quenching milk. And that’s the reason why we don’t need to offer exclusively breastfed babies water alongside breastfeeding because this thirst-quenching milk has a high water content already.
‘Your babies are very clever, they know what they need. Trust your bodies because they are amazing and they will adapt to your baby’s needs.’
Mums have been amazed by the explanation and the video, which was posted earlier this month, has been shared over 23,000 times.
One mum said: ‘My midwife recommended I view this video and it makes sooooo much more sense now! 5 days in and today is the best day we’ve had.’
Another added: ‘Amazing and reassured me at a point where I was starting to worry it was time to stop because he was just feeding a little bit and not seeming to want more. I started to feel like I wasn’t maybe giving him enough but this makes perfect sense with the heat!!!’
It’s one of the few places I’ve truly been able to be my authentic self (Picture: Gordon)
For 13 years, I’ve been going to a group for older gay and bisexual men, and seeing them and feeling their friendship is something I look forward to every fortnight.
But then the coronavirus lockdown came into effect and it felt like the safe space I had curated in recent years had completely fallen apart.
I first realised I was attracted to men during my early teenage years, but at the time I couldn’t live as an openly gay man. While I did know some people who thought kindly of the LGBTQ+ community, many held quite negative views, which left me feeling angry.
I was conscripted into the military at the age of 17 and served for three years, where I had encounters with men. I then forged a career as an actor, working extensively in pantomime and summer entertainment seasons, but also in TV shows and in theatres, including the London Coliseum and Royal Opera House.
I met my wife while working as an actor. It was a wonderful marriage of companionship but when it ended after she passed 1991, I was very lonely. After a while, I felt free to start fully exploring my sexuality.
Since then, I’ve regularly attended these celebrations of love and acceptance. A couple of years ago, I even spoke to a large audience at Leeds Pride about what the event meant to me, having attended for all the years since.
In 2007, I heard about the creation of a group called Older and Bolder, run by Yorkshire MESMAC – it’s an informal social support group for gay and bisexual men over the age of 55.
I was in the age group and wanted to find people who I had a shared understanding with, as well as common interests like quizzes, reading and the theatre.
It truly feels like I’m missing part of my family
The first time I went, I felt at ease straight away. I was sure that I’d go back and I have every time they’ve met.
It’s one of the few places I’ve truly been able to be my authentic self. Meeting gay and bisexual men around my age and being able to talk about all of the matters that I couldn’t discuss before with straight people – who couldn’t fully understand what I had been through – changed my life.
It would be very difficult to meet with younger age groups because of the generation gap. They wouldn’t fully understand because they haven’t lived through some of the problems we used to have to deal with before coming out – before the changing of certain laws. We have shared experiences that younger people don’t have.
But I honestly couldn’t do without it and it’s been a lifeline whenever I’ve felt lonely or isolated.
Unfortunately, the group hasn’t met since early March when we were told that we weren’t allowed to meet anymore due to the lockdown. As soon as the prime minister made the announcement, I knew I would find it hard to get through the coming months without my support network.
MESMAC have tried to repurpose some of their work and make it more digitally focussed but this is a challenge for older people like me. Obviously, the fact we’re in a high risk category is another issue.
No support group meetings means no more outings to places like the seaside town of Whitby or overnight trips to Blackpool. No more interesting speakers, health advice or practical support around medical matters. And no more safe spaces for older men just like me to come together and share our experiences.
I don’t have any relatives living close to me, so Older and Bolder has been my local community for years. It truly feels like I’m missing part of my family.
Not meeting regularly has made me feel very isolated as I also struggle using the internet. But I try to catch up with a friend from the group, as well as having regular check-ins from the group’s leader, Ryan, who phones me to see how I’m getting on.
I don’t know when we’ll be allowed to meet up but I’m looking forward to reuniting with my friends. We’ve been told that MESMAC is awaiting guidance from the Government about how to safely regroup again.
As soon as the lockdown is lifted, I’m hoping to pay a visit to a theatre show, perhaps with a support group buddy – anything by Shakespeare has always fascinated me. Until then, I’ve been watching TV – shows like reruns of ‘Allo ‘Allo! – and reading.
For people in similar situations to me, I would simply say keep on being positive and keep on looking forward – to a better future once the pandemic is over and finally being able to meet your friends again.
Gordon is supported by Yorkshire MESMAC who are funded by Comic Relief. This year, to bring people together during Pride, Comic Relief have teamed up with Sink The Pink, the largest LGBTQ+ collective in the UK. Find out more here.
LGBTQ+ Pride week
From 22-28 June, Metro.co.uk is spotlighting the voices of LGBTQ+ people and the unique challenges they face.
If you have an experience you would like to share, please email james.besanvalle@metro.co.uk with LGBTQ+ Pride week as the subject.
The bees suddenly swarmed on the trampoline (Picture: Mercury Press & Media)
A family in South Yorkshire had 25,000 unexpected visitors to their garden when a swarm of bees took over the trampoline while looking for a new hive.
Matthew Grice, 50, noticed an ‘immense’ buzzing noise and a black cloud flying over the house in Barnsley.
In a few minutes, the bees had swarmed the play equipment in the garden.
Matthew, his partner Sara Kennard, 47, their 10-year-old daughter, Hollie, were too scared to leave the house for 24 hours while they waited for a beekeeper to come.
Advanced occupational therapist Sara said: ‘Matthew is petrified of anything like that.
The swarm of around 25,000 bees that took over Matthew Grices garden and trampoline (Picture: Mercury Press & Media)
‘He said there was a black cloud coming over the house and then they just swarmed onto the trampoline steps.
‘The noise was immense, he could hear it from inside the house.
‘He daren’t go outside and we had to keep my daughter and the dogs in.
‘It was 24 hours of mayhem.’
The bees arrived while Sara was at work and she got home to find Matthew panicking inside.
She said: ‘I got back from work and walked up the garden but I didn’t even notice them because they were all congregated.
‘As soon as I walked in the house, he was panicking and didn’t know how I’d missed them.
‘He was terrified. Some were flying around but there was just a massive ball of bees in the trampoline.
‘I just couldn’t believe the size of it. There must have been one queen because there were so many of them.’
Sara started to research online about removing them safely herself but eventually found a beekeeper to remove them the next day.
She said: ‘The weather was really nice, my daughter wanted to play out but we had to keep her inside with the dogs because Millie the dog is pregnant so I was concerned for them.
‘Hollie has learning difficulties so she knew that they were bees and knew she shouldn’t go outside but she didn’t understand how serious it was.’
Sara shared the photos on Facebook showing thousands of the insects piling on top of each other.
Sara said: ‘I’m not bothered by bees because they don’t sting unless you’ve upset them, they aren’t like wasps.
‘They don’t go out to sting you. I’m fascinated by them and had to get up close to take the photos.
‘I posted photos on Facebook to ask for advice and beekeepers were getting in touch saying they wanted them but I called the Bee Association in the end and they took them away.
‘They said there must have been around 25,000 of them.
‘There were just a couple of dead ones left over in the end which I just swept away so the dogs didn’t get to them.’
And, with a lot moving online, this could be a great opportunity for new generations of LGBTQ+ youth and allies to learn more about the history of the movement, and the pioneers who helped push the fight for equal fights forward, most notably the radical Stonewall uprising which changed a lot.
It’s 51 years to the day since the uprising – but just what were the Stonewall riots and how important were they to the gay rights movement?
What was the Stonewall uprising?
On 28 June 1969, after years of unjust treatment, members of the LGBTQ+ (then more commonly referred to just as the LGBT community) fought back at the persecution of the police.
It was expected that gay bars would be raided, with the police given the authority to arrest those committing homosexual acts, or demand that people observe a ‘three-piece law.’
This law allowed them to arrest people – usually drag queens and kings, trans women and trans men – who were wearing more than three articles of clothing not ascribed to their gender assigned at birth.
On this night, 28 June, at the Stonewall Inn in New York City, the police raided the bar as had become normal. However, this time was different.
An uprising took place, which was followed by three nights of protests and civil unrest as LGBT people, long frustrated by police brutality, finally joined in fighting back.
Lesbians and trans women of colour were some of the key people involved in the first act of defiance and resistance, including Stormé DeLarverie, Sylvia Rivera and Marsha P. Johnson, who many credit with spearheading the modern equal rights movement.
What’s the connection to Judy Garland’s funeral?
It falls more under an urban legend than fact, but for years many have said that the LGBTQ community were already fraught with emotion following the funeral of gay icon Judy Garland on 27 June 1969.
Judy Garland has long been attached to the Stonewall Riots, though it’s an urban legend (Picture: Bettmann Archive)
With emotions running high, some believe this could’ve led to a stronger reaction to the raids.
Why are the Stonewall Riots so important to Gay Pride and the LGBTQ+ community today?
The Stonewall Riots are important as many trace this event as the spark that ignited the modern LGBTQ+ rights movement.
At the time, the Stonewall uprising took place in the context of broader civil rights movements.
The Revolutionary People’s Constitutional Convention in 1970 was a key moment in which activists from Black Power, feminist and gay liberation movements came together, saw common cause and learned from each other.
The Gay Liberation Front was the main organisation that formed out of the Stonewall uprising and these wider movements.
The LGBTQ community proved the power of protests, which is why the community must stand with the BLM movement (Picture: Getty)
The GLF first formed in the US and were part of the original discussions to create the first Pride, which took place on June 28, 1970 in New York City, a year after the Stonewall riots.
Some UK activists were involved in some of these key moments in the US movement, and they came back to Britain to form a British chapter of the Gay Liberation Front, with the first UK Gay Pride Rally taking place a few years later on 1 July 1972, in London.
It was because of the riots that these groups learnt that standing together and protesting could lead to change, something that is being seen again today with the Black Lives Matter protests.
‘I wish I could tell my ancestors that 200 years later a free gay Black man was going to own it and fill it with love’ (Picture: Robert Hartwell/Facebook)
One Black man who enquired about a historic, slave-built property from 1820 wasn’t having any of it when a seller undermined him.
Broadway star Robert Hartwell had seen images of the large white house and wanted to buy it, to honour the Black people who had painstakingly built it.
However, the seller had told Robert that it was a cash only offer which they presumed would take ‘the offer off the table’ for Robert.
But, he replied, ‘don’t you ever underestimate a hard-working Black man.’
And now, having paid it in cash, Robert is the proud homeowner of the stunning property.
When Robert shared the story on his Facebook, the post amassed more than one million likes, including from big broadway and Hollywood names.
Some of the well-wishers included Hamilton star Ephraim Sykes, Tony Award winner James Monroe Iglehart, and Mad Men actress Teyonah Parris.
Robert’s post went viral on Facebook (Picture: Robert Hartwell/Facebook)
On the post, Robert wrote: ‘I saw the house last week and when I walked in I knew I was home. The house was built in 1820 for the Russell family who owned the cotton mill in town. Slavery was still legal.
‘When the agent asked me why I wanted such a large house I said it was “a generational move”. I know this house is bigger than me.
‘I wish I could’ve told my ancestors when they were breaking their back in 1820 to build this house that 200 years later a free gay black man was going to own it and fill it with love and find a way to say their name even when 200 years later they still thought I would be “off the table”.’
He continued: ‘We are building our own tables. I’ve never been prouder to be a black man.
‘Come to my white house at any time. I can’t wait to have you! Glory to God in the highest. I’m a homeowner.’
Facebookers loved the story, saying: ‘The best revenge is a good life’.
Others commented: ‘Hell yeah, history coming full circle’.
One person wrote: ‘I love that you said “we are building our own tables”. That is so crucial to changing society. Whether it’s “off the table” or white people saying you get a seat “at the table” – none of that is helpful. You don’t need anyone’s permission to be at the table. It’s not white people’s table. It’s everyone’s table so you get to say if, when, and where you want to sit.’
i wondered if I should have seen my ex for who he was sooner (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Nobody wants to think that someone they love is capable of doing something monstrous – but that doesn’t mean it won’t happen.
It’s been around two years since I found out my ex-boyfriend had covertly taken and shared revenge porn images of a female friend of his, and I had to grapple with my own feelings of responsibility and culpability.
As someone who’s been raped and sexually assaulted myself, it was conflicting. Should I have seen my ex for who he was sooner? If I spoke out would it seem as if I was some jealous and bitter person doing so for revenge? If I didn’t, was I doing a disservice to anyone he might potentially do the same to in future?
These are all questions I’ve asked myself over and over, even more so since people on Twitter recently began telling their own stories of abuse.
Various accounts have popped up over the last few weeks, set up to anonymously share DMs naming people who have assaulted them and detailing what happened. Whether it’s lads in local bands shown to be harassing underage girls, or comedians who portray themselves as feminists despite raping numerous people, thousands have had a chance to swap similar experiences and warn others.
The MeToo movement swept various industries over the last few years, but the present moment is a watershed for those whose abusers aren’t billionaire movie producers or chart-topping artists. It’s a time for ‘regular’ people to speak out about the people who hurt them.
With that comes the fact that some of those outed will be our friends, family members, and perhaps even partners – and we have to look at the information we’re given without the prejudice of love and friendship.
You may want to ignore it and not even engage with the possibility that your loved one has done something wrong, but we have to put abuse victims’ needs above our wants.
We have to stand with the abused and not the abusers.
An article on an industry website alerted me that my ex had drunkenly had sex with the woman in question, taking naked photographs of her while she slept. He then shared them around at gigs (he was a comedian) and began telling people they were in a relationship – they were not.
I was gobsmacked.
He hadn’t exactly been good to me, but I didn’t think he was capable of that. Despite my own experiences I believed tales about men who jump out of bushes; abject evil people that don’t have ‘normal’ lives outside of their wrongdoing.
In reality, many rapists or sexually violent individuals are indecipherable in ‘normal’ society. So although our own experience with someone can be perfectly nice with no red flags, we can’t rely on this to show who they are.
This time around, I had to look at the facts to work out how I would proceed. I messaged him to ask what was going on but he blocked me on WhatsApp, and I knew he had admitted to sharing intimate photographs of the woman in question to her and others.
In reality, many rapists or sexually violent individuals are indecipherable in ‘normal’ society.
That was enough to prove to me that he was an abuser. Later, I reached out to the victim so she knew she always had someone to talk to. She also had evidence that he’d done worse to other women, after they’d heard her account and come forward in support.
I didn’t push too hard to find out the specifics from her as the other allegations weren’t hers to tell. It did show a pattern, though.
Firstly I felt scared, wondering whether he’d done similar things to me or whether this behaviour had been going on while we were together. Then I had to reconcile whether I’d ignored things that could have helped someone. It was a sludgy mix of guilt and fear.
I cut him off, blocking his number to ensure there was no way he could contact me. Although we had spoken less in the months leading up to me finding this out, he had messaged me intermittently for support for substance abuse issues. While I did feel bad for him in some ways, I could no longer offer that support in good conscience.
Going forward, I will continue to alert people in his industry (sadly, comedy is rife with similar stories, and women need to be protected so they don’t work with people like this) if he appears to be back to the same old tricks.
One of the main arguments when it comes to outing abusers is the idea of ‘cancel culture’ and a witch hunt (of men, particularly) without a fair trial.
Around six per cent of women have been raped in their adult life. That’s 1.1million women. 35 people were charged with false rape claims in the year 2011-2012 (the most recent data available). That equates to 0.00021281 per cent of the men in England and Wales.
Data itself can’t provide a full picture. For example, these figures don’t include those who have been sexually assaulted and not raped, don’t include men who have been assaulted or raped, and don’t include incidences where a false rape claim was not taken to trial. But they do illustrate how rare false rape claims are, and just how many have been through this.
Then there’s the idea of ‘virtue signalling’ and ending any relationship you had with the accused just to prove what a good person you are.
Granted, I don’t want people to think of me as sympathising with his despicable acts (although everything I’ve done to support his victims has been in private or anonymously). More so, though, it’s about whether I’d be able to sleep at night knowing I stood back because it was ‘nothing to do with me’.
If my friends had continued to be besties with my rapist – who was in our friendship group – once they knew what happened, it would have derailed my recovery entirely. I couldn’t feel comfortable living like that.
This man’s current girlfriend has decided to stand by him as she only had enough evidence to believe the revenge porn allegations, which she felt was not ‘strong’ enough a reason to leave him. His friends relentlessly harassed the victim to retract the accusation (she didn’t go to the police about it for fear she wouldn’t be taken seriously).
When these people are laying in bed at night thinking about how they reacted to the situation, I wonder if they feel ashamed.
I know what it’s like to want to rub out the things someone did and see them based on your experience alone, but that does not trump what survivors deserve from us.
There’s no easy solution when it comes to finding out someone you’re close to is an abuser. However, if you automatically side with a perpetrator just because you know them, you’re complicit.
You can now stay on this lightship (Picture: Mediadrumimages/HostUnusual)
A lightship that was once on the Thames Estuary – where the River Thames meets the waters of the North Sea – has been transformed into a hotel.
A lightship is a ship that acts as a lighthouse. They were used in waters that were too deep or unsuitable for lighthouse construction.
The seventy-year-old lightship is now moored in Amsterdam where it has been designed into a floating hotel.
The B&B, which you can rent for £105 a night, has several suites that have been designed by prize-winning architects.
The ship has been renovated into a quirky B&B with suites that come with a king-size bed, minibar, a pantry, a dining table and a bathroom.
Each contemporary suite has private access to the terrace that can be used as a viewing platform of the historic city.
Breakfast is provided by the owners but there are no cooking facilities on board so you’ll have to explore the restaurants of Amsterdam.
Some of the ship’s old features (i.e the door) are still there (Picture: Mediadrumimages/HostUnusual)
The lightship is advertised by HostUnusual, a company dedicated to finding the world’s most extraordinary accommodation.
A one-night stay starts from £210, £105 per person if the cost is split between the maximum of two people.
‘Bobbing proudly and peacefully in Amsterdam-Noord is the vibrant red Lightship Amsterdam, a historic ship offering luxurious accommodation for two,’ the listing states.
‘The lightship itself was built in the early 1950s, completing many years of faithful service before being decommissioned decades later.
There’s even a freestanding bath (Picture: Mediadrumimages/HostUnusual)
‘Step aboard via your own private entrance, and into your upper store suite – which was once the lightship’s storage room.
‘The ship’s resulting restoration has stayed beautifully true to its history, whilst adding a wealth of contemporary elements that are sure to leave you open-mouthed.’
First-time buyers find their plans have been turned upside down (Picture Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
Back in February, buying a house was tricky enough.
Raising a deposit is hard when you’re stuck in generation rent.
But when coronavirus and lockdown hit, things got even harder for first-time buyers.
The market stopped overnight with people unable to view houses or move house.
Although things have opened up again, there have been some big changes that are likely to have an impact on those trying to get on the property ladder.
Banks have cut a lot of the higher loan-to-value (LTV) mortgages, meaning buyers need a higher deposit.
This is difficult news for those who spent years saving for a 5% deposit, only to find they now need 15%.
Others are facing difficulties with their income changing because of pay cuts or furlough.
We spoke to some first-time buyers about how things have changed for them in the last few months.
Laura Sears had been saving for a deposit since April 2018 and had always planned to move this October before her 30th birthday, but now her savings aren’t enough.
She explains: ‘I moved back home to my parents’ in Essex in April 2018 after a breakup. I planned on finding my feet in my new job and moving out again, renting in a house share as I had before.
‘However, with the news at the time of the stamp duty break for first-time buyers, I realised that this was an opportunity to instead stay put and save for a deposit, which is what I’ve been doing ever since.
‘I’d always planned on purchasing this summer, with the aim of being in my own home by my 30th birthday in October, however, while coronavirus has helped me save more thanks to having less outgoings, it has also scuppered my plans of doing so.
‘The removal of 90 and 95% LTV mortgages has halted my plans of buying; because I am purchasing by myself, in addition to having what was previously a decent deposit saved, my income isn’t considered enough to lend against.
‘I have been considering shared ownership, but where lending criteria is so strict I’m finding that challenging to pass the affordability checks also. I’m stuck where I am for a while it would seem.’
Jen Kaarlo was planning to buy her dream home through the Help-to-Buy scheme in Hackney Wick in the early autumn but with changes in work due to coronavirus, she decided to delay purchasing.
She explains: ‘My work contract changed during the height of CV and I knew I probably wouldn’t be able to procure the mortgage I was looking for.
‘I was hoping to stay in my current flat until I could get everything sorted (most likely the winter or early 2021) but my landlord recently acted on a break clause and I have to move out regardless at the end of the summer.
‘I’ve lived in my flat for seven years and have treated it as my own, but now as there’s a gap between renting and owning my first place I feel lost.
‘It’s such a scary time to feel as if all of my options and security have been ripped away from me.’
Pippa, 29, and her partner were further into the process when the pandemic hit.
Currently based in Walthamstow, they were hoping to buy on the edge of London or just into Essex or Hertfordshire but they’re worried the changes to the market mean they might have to wait a long time to own their own home.
She says: ‘We had just decided that now was the time to look at buying. After being in rented accommodation for a while we realised that we should at least get an idea of what could be within reach for us.
‘We started to map out how much more we should be saving, what areas we’d like to live in, what our non-negotiables are, and what we’d be prepared to compromise on. We signed up with lots of agencies and started to get properties through that we were interested in. Then it all stopped…
‘We got some notifications from the estate agents we’d previously been talking to saying that viewings couldn’t go ahead anymore, and that they couldn’t give us any more information. Then we noticed that nothing new was being uploaded, and some of the ones we had seen had begun to be taken down (either because they sold or because they pulled out of the market).
‘When viewings eventually started happening again, we were amazed to hear that we would be one of often over 30 viewings within a day, and they expected an offer in at the end of that day.
‘Viewings were becoming harder and harder to get, and a lot of property developers and cash buyers (who had been waiting in the wings whilst lockdown was happening) were coming in with offers well above the asking price, in order to get a place as quickly as possible.
‘All the agents we’ve spoken to have said that everything they are selling at the moment is going over asking price, with one place we were interested in going for £35,000 over our offer.’
Another issue is that although they applied for a mortgage in principle before lockdown, they are worried that the changes will mean their deposit won’t be enough to get what they need.
Pippa adds: ‘The whole mortgage situation has been pretty tough. Despite having spoken to a few mortgage brokers and picking one that we really liked, lockdown has meant that first-time buyers are really struggling to get mortgages – no matter how good your buying profile is (salary, savings, deposit, situation etc).
‘Lenders have not been even considering people with a 10% deposit (which is still an astounding amount of money normally), and instead were prioritising 15%-20% deposit holders as they are less risk.
‘Now as first time buyers, this is virtually impossible to get hold of. So although we got a mortgage agreement in principle agreed, it was by no means guaranteed that if we actually found a house we wanted then the lender would actually agree to the mortgage. Which is the same as before, but with much less likelihood because we are ‘risky’.
‘It’s been pretty demoralising that although we felt we had saved a really considerable amount of money, we were now being deemed as not having enough to secure a mortgage. We’ve now considered moving further out to try and get something more within the budget that we feel we are more realistically able to get a mortgage for.’
Despite the situation, they have put a few offers in on properties but are starting to realise what is realistic.
‘Viewings are tough to get and it feels quite stressful to have to be so on it if you do want to be in the running for anything. We’ve put a few offers in the same day as viewing somewhere and we already know by the next morning that we literally had no shot whatsoever. You have to be emotionally invested enough to want to put an offer in, but also not emotionally invested enough that you’ll be really knocked back by not getting it.
‘We’re going to continue to look, but we’ll definitely be taking the pressure off ourselves as the current market is just far too fast-moving as so many people have been on hold for three months.
‘It has certainly opened our eyes to what is more realistic now and has made us have to get our heads around not living in the areas we had previously wanted to. One silver lining – lockdown has enabled us to visit lots of new places we didn’t know about to go for a walk about.’
Despite many first-time buyers facing difficulties because of coronavirus, some have managed to secure their first home recently.
Nisha is a photographer and Rob is in the Royal Navy (Picture: Nisha Haq)
Photographer Nisha Haq, 27, and partner Robert Henderson, 28, Marine Engineer Officer in the Royal Navy, have just completed on a house in Fareham, South Hampshire.
They put the offer on the house in back in January and has the mortgage offer in February but when coronavirus hit in March, their plans to exchange and complete were delayed.
Nisha explains: ‘Unfortunately we couldn’t get the funds to clear through in time (we were using Forces Help to Buy) and the lockdown came sooner than we anticipated and into effect the week we wanted to complete.
‘In many ways, we were fortunate to have not exchanged contracts where we may have been legally obliged to continue with the house purchase. It certainly would have been very difficult to move house without removal companies or purchasing basics like white goods during lockdown.’
From March until June the sale was put on hold and the couple stayed in the home their were renting.
Nisha adds: ‘Fortunately we weren’t in a chain and on a month rolling contract where we were renting. We didn’t feel as much pressure compared to those in a chain where there is more chance for things to go wrong. We remained hopeful that the homeowners still wanted to sell.’
They’ve now managed to complete on their first home (Picture: Nisha Haq)
During that time, Rob was deployed on HMS Queen Elizabeth and they were disappointed at the prospect that he could be away when the sale went through and Nisha would have to move alone.
She says: ‘At the start of the year we had hoped to have settled into our new house before his deployment as it would have been tricky to move just by myself. Also during this time, we were concerned about whether we’d be able to continue with our mortgage offer as it expired 1 August.
‘I knew as a self-employed photographer we would have struggled to get a new mortgage offer in the new climate so were keen to keep our original offer especially with the favourable interest rates soon after Brexit.
‘We were mindful of not wanting to pay double for rent and starting our mortgage too soon.
‘On top of that we were concerned about the housing market and whether house prices would drastically decrease as it was hard to tell at that time.
‘It was a balancing act to try and time when we should complete on the house with one deployed and not knowing when lockdown restrictions would ease.
In May, with a few lockdown restrictions eased, they finally arranged for exchange and completion for June and were able to collect the keys earlier this month.
Rob and Nisha (Picture: Holly Cade Photography)
They plan to move in July when Rob is home from deployment.
Nisha says: ‘The biggest challenge was all the uncertainty and muddling through with buying the biggest purchase of our lives during one of the most turbulent times in recent history.
‘The things that took its toll were the fact that my partner got deployed in the midst of it and communication is harder when they’re at sea.
‘My income as a wedding and commercial photographer was impacted and the worry we wouldn’t be able to complete in time with our current mortgage offer was something we had to deal with during the lockdown.
‘All in all, I think we were very fortunate we were able to just postpone the house purchase rather than it falling through which I can imagine many people are experiencing. We also had a fantastic conveyancer & mortgage broker to help us through it all.’
So if you are hoping to buy a house soon – what is the best thing to do?
Mortgage expert, Will Rhind from Habito, previously told us that the current market is not favourable to those with a 5% or 105 deposit, and the best option really is to wait it out and save.
He says: ‘During lockdown, many banks withdrew their deals that required lower deposits – at 10% or less, of the price of the property. The issue now is that many banks still haven’t brought these deals back. This means that many currently available mortgages require a minimum 15% deposit.
‘As lockdown lifts, if you’ve been fortunate to be able to save money during this time, continue to avoid any shopping splurges and keep growing your deposit fund, aiming for 15% or more. The bigger deposit you have, the more choice of deal you have, so more deposit will always help – even when 10% deals do return.’
You can also use this time to research mortgages and how the whole process works, as well as making sure your credit score is good.
He adds: ‘While many estate agents previously asked prospective buyers for a ‘mortgage in principle’ (an MIP) – now, we’re seeing this becoming a must-have, to do an in-person home tour.
‘An MIP is a document says that the bank believes you could get a mortgage for a property worth £x, based on the information you’ve told them. It gives the agent and seller more confidence that you’re a serious buyer. Get prepped early and ask for an MIP from a mortgage broker or bank.
‘If lockdown has given you more time to get on top of your finances – don’t forget to also get on top of your credit score. Checking your score is free, can be done from three credit reference agencies and a good score can help you access better interest rates.
‘Alternatively, if you have a bad score, it can make you more likely to be rejected for a mortgage. But you can improve your score, and if your file shows you defaulted on a bill or payment, but you think that’s a mistake – you can challenge it and get it fixed.’
When I go back home, I put a filter on what I wear and say (Picture: Ella Byworth for Metro.co.uk)
A family member once said to me that they’d be happy no matter who I marry, as long as it wasn’t another man.
They didn’t know I was gay, but it still hurt.
I came out to my parents and friends in my second year of university at the age of 20. It took me a while to accept it myself but with the support of my friends and housemates, the tears soon turned to smiles. I was finally able to come out of my shell, I started to drink socially, to go out and be more adventurous.
Slowly, I’ve learned to love who I am and when I’m at work or with friends in London, I feel like I get to be my true self.
The rest of my family don’t know, however. When I go back home, I put a filter on what I wear and say – short shorts, jockstraps and sassy moments stay firmly away. It took a lot for me to even start wearing my rainbow socks.
Every time I have to go back into the closet is a little bit harder than the last. It’s really tough.
Anyone who finds my topless selfies on social media knows I’m gay, and people who meet me can tell fairly quickly, but some of my relatives’ gaydars are so broken that, on top of the fact I’m quite the expert at playing straight again, they’ll never know until I do come out.
My secrecy also enables me to keep the relationship I have with them going, even if I don’t know what’s around the corner. And so far I’ve managed to trundle through, but when I see my grandparents and speak to other family members, they will often ask when I’m going to get married (to a woman, of course).
Sometimes this is in jest and I take it with a pinch of salt, but deep down, I know that there are likely to be problems later down the line.
It is getting increasingly difficult to hide my identity as I’ve come out more to other people and it often feels like a tightrope act
I am not certain how my wider family will react when I come out to them, but I predict the fallout will be hard, upsetting and difficult. Perhaps it will work itself out over time and open discussions but it could result in severed bonds, and that’s what I worry about the most.
I love my family, so I have decided I will only say something once I’m in a serious relationship that I think will last. Until then, it seems like dragging out a hornets nest unnecessarily and prematurely.
I would never want to change the family I’ve been born into, and no family is perfect, but still the pressure to impress and succeed in life is constant if you come from an Indian family, even if you are only half Indian like myself.
I have felt it in terms of my performance at school and university, in the jobs I have, and now in my love life.
At least I have been raised in a westernised nation like the UK – that makes the situation far easier for me. This country may have many faults, but it gives me more opportunities to be who I am, freely, without fear of being cast out from work or society.
For LGBTQ+ people in other countries, including India, being gay means a much harder life so I remain incredibly grateful.
Ultimately, I am proud of my heritage – but I’m also glad that I get to express my own truth.
It is getting increasingly difficult to hide my identity as I’ve come out more to other people and it often feels like a tightrope act – one I’ve grown accustomed to walking. The pressure my family puts on me to meet someone is doubled-edged because I’ve been single for a while, and I really am keen to be settled in a relationship.
I keep telling myself that one day, I’ll hopefully be in a place where I can be fully open and enjoy my life.
For now, I am acutely aware that I’ll never be genuinely content until I have a partner and prove to my family that my sexuality is a real thing, and that it makes me happy.
LGBTQ+ Pride week
From 22-28 June, Metro.co.uk is spotlighting the voices of LGBTQ+ people and the unique challenges they face.
If you have an experience you would like to share, please email james.besanvalle@metro.co.uk with LGBTQ+ Pride week as the subject.
Patrick with his new bed, and right, in hospital (Picture: SWNS)
Patrick Askham loves rocket ships and was amazed as he watched the SpaceX launch in May from his hospital bed.
The five-year-old is waiting on a life-saving organ transplant as he was born with an illness called gastroschisis – a condition where the bowels and other organs are on the outside of the body.
Watching the spaceship last month, he told his family he was determined to be an astronaut.
He asked grandad Garry Wilson, 55, if he could have a rocket ship bed.
After weeks of work, Garry surprised him on Friday evening frafter he was told to put on his space suit if he wanted to embark on a journey into outer space.
The space ship features a bed, a slide, a command centre and the words ‘Captain Patrick Askham’ painted above it.
He has since yet to take off his suit and has been journeying through infinite adventures in his brand new spacecraft.
Patrick said: ‘It’s awesome I love it so much.
‘It has a slide and a command centre and I can go on adventures in space now. I have seen so many massive super aliens already.
Young Patrick Askham with granddad Garry Wilson (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
‘It’s the best thing ever and I can go into space whenever I want.’
‘I want to become an astronaut and visit all of the planets in the universe.’
When he was born, Patrick’s organs were outside his body and although they were placed inside him, they were so matted, they had to be removed just weeks later.
Patrick and mum Michelle (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
The brave boy battled through countless hospital appointments and surgeries despite his young age.
Due to his extremely short bowel, Patrick’s own remaining nine centimetre bowel is unable to absorb any nutrients so he is artificially fed via a broviac line which goes directly into his heart.
Grandad Garry Wilson (right) and a friend build Patrick rocket ship bed (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
Patrick was placed on the donor registry for a bowel transplant in 2018 and by Christmas that year he received his first gift of life.
But sadly Patrick’s body went into severe rejection within nine days and developed PTLD – post-transplant lymphoproliferative disorder – a type of cancer to lymph nodes.
Patrick with his new bed, built by his grandad (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
He has now been left with no bowel due to his advanced condition.
But mum Michelle, 34, said despite being poorly Patrick is just a kid who has dreams and wants to play.
Michelle, from Leeds, West Yorkshire, said: ‘He’s a cool little boy but he’s quite poorly.
Patrick hasn’t taken his spacesuit off since he got the bed (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
‘He has all these wonderful dreams but he’s life limited, so when he tells us about growing up and doing all sorts we get really emotional.
‘As parents all we want to do is to make sure all of his dreams come true.’
Following his request for a rocket ship, grandad Garry immediately got to work and spent a couple of hours each day in between work building the incredible bed.
Going down the slide (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
He spent just £250 buying wood and paint to complete it.
The family initially thought they’d just prop bunk beds and paint a rocket ship but grandad Garry went ‘above and beyond’.
Michelle added: ‘Patrick loved it so much he hasn’t taken his space suit off yet and he keeps going on adventures in outer space.
‘We kept it all from him so it was a massive surprise.
‘And on the day of the surprise we told him he needed to get into proper attire to be able to embark into space.
‘I cried so much because he just looked so happy and he really looked like he was ready to go to space.
‘He spends so much time in the hospital and the rest of it at home so when he’s here we want to give him everything we can.
Patrick inside the bed (Picture: Michelle Askham / SWNS)
‘We try to do nice things for him because he can’t go on slides in the park like other kids because he’d be in danger.
‘As much as he’s poorly he’s also just a normal boy who has dreams and wants to play.’
Sadly parks and playgrounds aren’t safe for Patrick as he has many tubes and bags tucked under his clothes which keep him alive.
The mum-of-three said: ‘He’s got wires, tubes and bags underneath his clothes which mean he can’t really go in a park and play because it could get stuck.
‘So to make something like that at home where he can be a kid it’s just amazing.
‘He’s my little hero and now he’s my little space hero.
‘He hasn’t stopped telling me he’s going on an adventure and he’s so excited – it makes me so happy.’
Maya was born with lots of hair (Picture: PA Real Life)
At her 34-week scan, Alexandra Jechorek was shocked to realise her baby girl had a full head of hair before she was even born.
Her locks were so thick, they could be seen clearly on the screen while she was still in her mum’s womb.
And when she was born six weeks later, baby Maya had a glossy mane and her parnets office worker boyfriend, Lee Bond, 23 – stay-at-home mum Alexandra, 21, were amazed.
Alexandra, of Dublin, Ireland, said: ‘We’d already found out we were expecting a girl at the previous scan, so at 34 weeks, we were just excited to see how much she’d grown.
‘When the midwife turned the screen around, I honestly couldn’t believe my eyes.
‘There was this tiny little baby on the scan with a full head of hair. I just thought, “No way, this cannot be possible”.
‘To be completely honest, I thought all babies were born bald. My oldest Kadin came out bald, so I just thought that was how babies were when they were born.
‘But once I’d taken in how much hair she had, it made me all the more excited to meet her, as Maya already looked like a proper little person.’
On June 9, 2019 after a swift 90 minute labour, Maya was born at The Coombe Women & Infants University Hospital, in Dublin, weighing 8lbs 9oz – and her full head of dark hair caused quite a storm.
Alexandra laughed: ‘As soon as Maya arrived, I couldn’t take my eyes off her hair.
The scan picture where you can see Maya’s hair (Picture: PA Real Life)
‘I’d been expecting her to have hair because of the scan, but to see this beautiful baby with this thick jet black hair was incredible.
‘It had already grown so long it was down past her ears.
‘Even the nurses and the doctors turned to me and said they’d never seen a baby with so much hair in all the time they’d worked at the hospital!’
And from when she was born, her hair has always attracted attention.
‘We couldn’t leave the house without someone complimenting Maya on her hair,’ Alexandra said.
Maya (Picture: PA Real Life)
‘Lots of people would ask, “How old is she?” They were shocked when I told them she was only three months old with so much hair!’
While Alexandra has never measured her daughter’s locks, she says that, now one years old, it is so long that it skims the top of her nappy, even though she’s just turned one.
She said: ‘I’ve never had her hair cut. I think it’s absolutely beautiful and I want her to grow it as long as she wants.’
Having such long hair means Maya has already been able to experiment with a host of different styles – which she shows off on her very own Instagram site, where she already has 300 followers.
‘Maya’s really good she always sits still and lets me do her hair,’ said Alexandra.
‘I do it in plaits and sometimes I tie it in a ponytail.
‘I love putting bow clips in her hair. I have different colours, like pink, blue, red and yellow, to match the different outfits that she wears.’
But it does mean Maya has quite a demanding beauty routine considering her age.
‘I shampoo and conditioner her hair every day,’ said Alexandra.
‘Then I brush it through and spray on some stay-in conditioner and dry it with a towel.
‘It takes about 20 minutes, which is quite a long time considering I’m doing a one-year-old’s hair.’
With her Instagram profile growing, Alexandra now hopes one day to launch Maya as a baby model.
Maya just before her first birthday (Picture: PA Real Life)
‘People love looking at pictures of Maya – they can’t get enough of her hair,’ she said.
‘I usually post pictures of her different hairstyles or of her playing with Kadin.
‘But the comments are always about how amazing Maya’s hair is.’
With no family history of babies with hair, Alexandra says Maya’s amazing mop is a complete fluke.
She said: ‘I’ve asked around my family and Lee’s to see if anyone else was born with hair like Maya’s, but everyone’s told me no, so it must’ve just been a fluke.
‘And it’s weird that she has such dark hair, as when Kadin was a baby, he had such fine blond hair.
‘I suppose I’ve got quite dark hair, so she must’ve got that from me, but even so – I certainly didn’t have thick hair until I was much older.
‘While the reason for her luscious locks remains a mystery, I love it and think Maya is really beautiful.’
It saves money and stops spillages (Picture: Stephanie Palin)
With summer in full swing, it’s important to have a variety of refreshments lined up for warmer days.
But one woman has shared a nifty hack that helps drinks last longer.
Stephanie Palin, a special needs teaching assistant from Chesire, has come up with a brilliant way to make squash last longer for her family.
The mum-of-three swaps the lids of regular squash bottles for coffee shop-style syrup pumps – which retail on Amazon for just £4.
The simple swap saves money and prevents accidental spillages.
Stephanie told money-saving community LatestDeals.co.uk: ‘I have a husband with a visual impairment and three children aged seven, 11 and 18.
‘After watching how much squash they were wasting through spillage when making and getting through a silly amount of squash per week, I thought about how I could reduce this.’
Stephanie and her daughter (Picture: Stephanie Palin)
The 40-year-old initially wanted to find a nice pump bottle for the squash, but wasn’t satisfied with the quality of ones she found or the safety of glass bottles.
She says: ‘I then started looking a temporary measure whilst I continued to look for a nice pump container.
‘I looked on Amazon and eBay and thought I would try the Moniz pump – so for £4 I bought one pump to see if would fit and it did to the 1.75 or two litre squash bottles, but not the square bottles.’
The nifty pumps (Picture: Stephanie Palin)
She explains the solution is to decant the squash in square bottles into Robinsons or Vimto bottles.
‘This worked great so I ordered one more so we had two. They work amazingly and you can either wash them by hand or pop them through the dishwasher,’ she says.
Stephanie’s family now goes through half the amount of squash they used to
She adds: ‘Where one bottle wasn’t even lasting us one week it’s just over two weeks now.’
From the age of about seven, I’d come to understand that having school meals meant I was different from my lunchbox-wielding friends (Picture: Jessica Carter)
As a child in primary school, I quietly coveted my classmates’ colourful lunchboxes.
To me, these commonplace possessions, with their little rectangular handles and plastic catches, decorated with princesses or superheroes, denoted something about their owners.
I’d watch them each day in the school hall be carried off to the dinner tables as I queued up at the counter and waited for ladles of government-funded food.
It wasn’t just the unappealing nature of my school’s lumpy mash and stodgy rice pudding that made me favour my mum’s margarine-slicked corned beef sandwiches, though.
From the age of about seven, I’d come to understand that having school meals meant I was different from my lunchbox-wielding friends. It meant I was poor.
I badly wanted to fit in, to be like the ‘normal’ kids, but my financial situation was a barrier, even then. I assumed all my friends were rich, while in reality, we were a very working-class community. I was just perhaps the only one living below the poverty line.
Those plastic boxes were possibly the only indicators of social status that I knew of at the time. Not having one meant I was physically segregated from my friends who did – I had to sit on the other side of the hall to them, which cemented the ideas I was forming about our differences.
Lunchtime was never something to look forward to. Why would it be, when I couldn’t spend it with the people I wanted to? I’d finish my plate (yep, even that lumpy mash) as swiftly as I could, and escape to the playground where we’d be allowed to mix again.
Despite this, when I look back now I can see I was one of the lucky ones. I was eligible for that food.
Today, only 1.3million children are registered for free school meals in the UK, while there are more than three times that living in poverty. And with children out of school right now, many are more vulnerable than ever.
For me, Marcus Rashford’s open letter to encourage the Government to continue the voucher scheme was a welcome eye-opener for the masses as to what life is really for thousands of families.
I felt grateful that he, now on a pro footballer’s wage and living a very different life, remembered so vividly what it was like. Vividly enough for him to take action.
He was careful to point out the financial-induced stress that low-income families experience, too, which often goes unnoticed. Not having money doesn’t just mean that food is scarce and shoes have holes, after all.
Talking about this to my mum, I was unsurprised when she told me, ‘It was the hardest time of my life.’
When you don’t know where the next meal is coming from, and are constantly relying on handouts from your mother and friends just to feed your two children, your mental health is going to suffer.
When I look back now I can see I was one of the lucky ones. I was eligible for that food (Picture: Jessica Carter)
Parents can sometimes absorb that stress, shielding children from having to deal with it. But it’s hardly an easy task – especially in single-parent households like mine was.
The Government’s subsequent U-turn on ending the free school meal vouchers for summer was a victory for thousands of families. But far from dusting off their hands in a job-done kind of attitude, the people in power should be doing infinitely more.
We’re a long way off creating food security for the millions of children in the UK who need it. The picture of our current situation is stark.
More than a third of children who are registered for free school meals are not getting any support, and of those who have been allocated vouchers, 12 per cent haven’t been able to redeem them.
But they’re not the only ones falling through the cracks. With families having lost their incomes due to the health crisis (since March, there have been 3.3million individual applications for Universal Credit) there are millions more children desperately in need of support.
According to data that The Food Foundation collected in collaboration with YouGov, 238,000 kids have already been forced to skip meals because they don’t have enough food.
Although hunger is the most pressing issue, the current model’s problems go far beyond it. The health and social implications that the school meal system has on children are huge, and there’s a real danger that it’s creating a legacy of poor health and mental wellbeing in young people.
Take obesity: millions of kids have had to live off imbalanced meals, while lockdown has already been linked to rates of obesity in children.
And then consider that even before Covid-19 swept the country, causing economical and medical devastation, children on free school meals were 20 per cent less likely to have good levels of development than their peers who weren’t.
The free school meal system needs a radical overhaul. Children are being consistently let down and burdened with issues no young person should have to navigate. And, post-Covid-19 – in what some predict will be the most severe recession of our generation – there is going to be a substantially larger number of families to support than ever before.
To that end, The Food Foundation is calling for a commission into child food insecurity, to investigate the types and levels of support required, and create a new model that prioritises children’s physical and mental wellbeing, instead of filing them under ‘collateral damage’.
And it’s crucial that young people, those with firsthand experience of the current system, are involved in the process.
Now that the country’s attention has been brought to the free school meal crisis, this is the time to catalyse that conversation into action. Not just for the school kids who are still going through what I went through, but for those who have it much harder.
I was fortunate compared to many. But still, I was let down. My mum was let down. And decades later, nothing has changed for the better.
All children deserve ready access to good quality, balanced meals. And they deserve for their parents to not be crippled by the stress of their financial situation.
They deserve to have a childhood that’s not undermined by fear and worry. And parents deserve to be able to give them that.
Do you have a story that you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk.
Celebration fans might still be mourning the loss of the Galaxy Truffle chocolate back in 2011, but there’s a new sweet in some tubs that might just make up for it.
B&M is selling tubs which feature mini versions of the Milky Way Crispy Rolls.
Milky way Crispy Rolls are wafer biscuits, with a whipped filling, covered in milk chocolate.
Usually, you can get a bigger 25g version but in the Celebrations tub, it’s a tiny, like the rest of the selections.
People have been posting on social media about spotting the tubs in stores but there is a catch.
The Milky Way Crispy Rolls won’t be a permanent edition to all UK boxes or tubs of the sweets as the ones that B&M is selling are actually imported from elsewhere.
The clue is that the Galaxy chocolates in the tub are labelled as Dove, which is the name used outside the UK, Ireland, Middle East and India.
Someone cleverly spotted the Crispy Roll hiding in the box (Picture: newsfoodsuk/Instagram)
The shape of the box is also different compared to the traditional red tubs you might be familiar with. Instead these are diamond-shaped clear plastic pots.
B&M hasn’t revealed how much the products cost yet and photos posted online of the boxes show a label which says ‘line awaiting price’.
From 15 July, you can use the Deliveroo app to make your order while dining in (Picture: Chris Ratcliffe/Bloomberg via Getty Images)
Deliveroo is launching a table service tool to help restaurants reopen safely.
The new in-app function will be available from 15 July and enables customers to browse the menu, order and pay at a restaurant via the Deliveroo app.
This will make it easier for customers to visit and eat at restaurants while maintaining social distancing from other diners and restaurant staff.
All orders placed through table service will be charged at 0% commission to restaurant partners, encouraging widespread adoption and supporting the hospitality sector financially during this difficult period.
Restaurants can also order PPE and restaurant signage from Deliveroo for free.
Deliveroo says it is the first major UK delivery platform to roll out the table service feature and wants to help businesses thrive.
This announcement follows Government guidance which encourages restaurants to use contactless ordering from tables through apps.
Deliveroo’s new feature is also available in bars, cafes, and pubs – any outlet that offers table service to customers.
The food delivery brand also says it will be offering 25,000 items of in-restaurant signage – which include floor stickers, queuing polls, anti-bacterial pumps, hand washing signs – for free to 5,000 small restaurants.
Will Shu, CEO, Deliveroo said: ‘Thousands of our restaurant partners stayed open during the lockdown to deliver for the NHS and the vulnerable.
‘It is now time for the government, consumers, and for Deliveroo to deliver for our restaurants, helping them to survive on the high-street as they reopen for dine-in customers.
‘Deliveroo wants to play a significant role in helping restaurants adopt tech-led solutions to reopen safely, especially smaller partners who otherwise would be unable to develop the technology and face huge financial burdens due to COVID-19. We are committed to developing a wide package of support measures to help the sector’s economic recovery.’
Restaurants are being invited to sign-up for this new package on Deliveroo’s website.
Do you have a story?
Email metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk to tell us more.
We would like to introduce you to Cornelius Cornbread – a gentleman from Nashville Tennessee with an unfortunate brow situation.
The four-year-old cat has bold white ‘eyebrows’ on his forehead, which give him permanent resting bitch face.
But Cornelius probably doesn’t mind, as they have become his claim to fame.
The Bombay feline, who is described as ‘sassy, stylish and Southern’ on his Instagram page, has become immensely popular with cat lovers across the globe. – and it’s all thanks to his unusual look.
‘The “eyebrows” are formed by the white skin revealed through the thinner area of black fur in his brow area,’ said Karen, who adds that Cornelius has had them since he was a kitten.
‘The combination of the sparse black “brow” hair and the unique rounded shape of the white skin showing through make him appear to have well-groomed eyebrows.
‘His brows are most definitely on fleek.’
People say his eyebrows are ‘on fleek’ (Picture: @corneliuscornbreadchronicles/Caters)
Karen first started sharing snaps of Cornelius in 2018, and he has racked up several thousand followers.
‘Such a dapper fella,’ one person complimnented the cat.
‘He looks like a true gentlecat,’ wrote someone else.
‘Humans would pay for brows like yours,’ added another person.
But while Cornelius might look a little cranky, he is anything but.
‘A true gentlecat’ (Picture: @corneliuscornbreadchronicles/Caters)
Don’t let his resting bitch face fool you, Cornelius is a sweetheart (Picture: @corneliuscornbreadchronicles/Caters)
Karen said: ‘Cornelius has a big personality and loves to be at the centre of the attention, but he’s also a sweet, affectionate cat.
‘He loves following us around, curling up on our laps or snuggling up next to us, and unlike many cats, he enjoys being held and carried.
‘Bombay cats are nicknamed “velcro cats” because they are so clingy, and Cornelius is no exception.
‘He can be very needy, he does not like to be left alone or ignored, and gets very anxious when he thinks I’m going to leave home without him.’
