Hoping to buy a home in 2020, but don’t have a big deposit or the Bank of Mum and Dad to help you out?

We’re sorry to report that you may have a big struggle ahead when it comes to securing a mortgage.

Last week, we revealed that lockdown has caused uncertainty to the property market, leading to lenders making changes to their loan-to-value mortgages.

Whereas in the past you could have potentially scored a mortgage that covers 95% of the cost of the home, some lenders are now only offering 85%.

If you’re looking to become a landlord, you need even more of a deposit as these types of investments will often only receive 55-75% of the overall cost.

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‘The current mortgage market has been challenging for customers with lower deposits,’ confirms Nick Sherratt, managing director at Mojo Mortgages.

‘The availability of mortgages above 85% LTV is at a record-low, with many of these mortgages at restricted volumes and only available for short periods of time.’

However, it is currently a buyer’s market so those who can manage to scramble together more money could benefit from a better deal overall.

Nick says: ‘Fortunately, we’re seeing more of these deals come back to the market, so anyone looking for their next home has a great opportunity to get a good deal – especially with the stamp duty holiday.

‘Most first-time buyers – who usually have lower deposits – won’t actually benefit from the changes in stamp duty, though.

‘Some lenders have focused on first-time buyer products to help them on the property ladder, but affordability is still an issue for many, and more needs to be done to support first-time buyers achieve their dream of homeownership.’

Data by Hometrack, which analyses 17 of the top 20 mortgage companies in the UK, has shown that while options may have reduced, there has actually been an increase in applications.

‘Despite the impact of Covid-19, the UK is enjoying a mini property boom with the recent stamp duty holiday only increasing demand,’ said David Ross, CEO of Hometrack.

‘Our data shows mortgage applications are up over 15% compared to last year but this increased demand may mean lenders are struggling to process all of these requests.

‘This combined with stricter lending criteria, means some borrowers might sadly miss out.

‘The best thing applicants can do to maximise their chances is increase their deposit.

‘This is hard to do but the extra money might just tip them into the lower loan to value ratios which are more likely to be successful in the current climate.’

What do mortgage lenders look at when considering a loan?

When considering someone for a mortgage, lenders will review their financial situation – in scrutinising detail.

With the economy in turmoil, there is an added layer of information taken into consideration.

In other words, more hoops to jump through.

‘When comparing the process of applying for a mortgage to before the outbreak of COVID-19, it has no doubt become more difficult and time consuming for borrowers,’ Hina Bhudia, partner at Knight Frank Finance, tells us.

‘Restrictions placed on bonuses being taken into consideration for the employed, more in-depth income checks for the self-employed and simply the inundation of applications with banks currently has created a cocktail of pressure for borrowers.’

Other aspects that lenders will look at includes credit history, the state of your income, monthly outgoings and existing debt.

‘Banks are more cautious about parting with their money due to the unprecedented government stimulus with regard to the furlough scheme, and are looking more carefully at a borrower’s financial situation, their job stability and what they can afford,’ agrees Tomer Aboody, director of property lender MT Finance.

‘If you are self-employed, the bank will also look into your company and its financials as well, creating another level of scrutiny.’

There has also been a boost in mortgage application fraud in the last year, according to SmartSearch.

Research by the company found that in 2019, 13% of Brits believe it is ‘reasonable’ to exaggerate income on their application.

Don’t lie or embellish about your financial situation – it won’t do you any favours, and lenders are on the lookout for this.

Additionally, if you are intending to pay part of your deposit with a credit card, consider other options – as these are considered high risk, and could see your application rejected.

How to find out if you can get a mortgage

If you’re curious about your standing when it comes to getting a mortgage, there are ways you can check this before going through the rigorous process.

Many lenders offer a so-called decision in principle (DIP) – also sometimes called mortgage in principle – where you submit brief details about the property you want to buy, your annual income and deposit, and will then be presented with the amount you could potentially borrow.

Don’t worry, this won’t affect your credit score and you can change the details on your DIP at any point.

You can use a DIP if you’re planning to buy at auction, as a way to ‘prove’ that you’re able to get the loan for the property.

However, this is not a guaranteed mortgage, but an estimation – keep that in mind.

We also recommend keeping track of your credit history; you can check your credit rating on apps like Credit Monitor, to see if you’re in a good position to apply for a mortgage.

Good luck.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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One adventurous canine is not only a good boy, he’s also a skater boi.

The dog, from Washington, USA, has learned how to skateboard in lockdown.

Darrel – who is a mix of pitbull, Border Collie and Australian shepherd – now skateboards for 20 minutes, five days a week.

His brilliant technique involves pushing himself along with his hind paw.

Darrel’s owner, 29-year-old Hailey Adair, introduced her four-legged friend to skateboarding, as she hoped it would make quarantine more interesting for them both.

Hailey said: ‘We got a little skateboard at first and right away he was on it and totally comfortable.

‘We could tell that he was ready for a regular skateboard. It is a great bonding time for us.

‘It’s super mentally stimulating for him and it helps him balance. It has helped me too.

‘I was finding it difficult to take a break from work but for 30 minutes a day I get to see him skateboard.

‘It’s super entertaining for him and it’s been a really good exercise for all of us.’

Now, whenever Darrel sees a skateboard he runs over and jumps on it.

The adorable pooch is currently working on steering the board but is already a pro at turning it around himself – he also gets excited when he sees other skateboarders in the street.

Hailey and her husband Nick hope to eventually take Darrel to the skateboarding park.

She adds: ‘We are trying to get him to the point where he can go to a skatepark. We are working on his hills.

‘We want him to be able to go and see other people doing it.’

Hailey has made an Instagram account – @darrelthedoge – to show off Darrel’s skills.

She hopes his skateboarding adventures will be a lighthearted escape for people during the coronavirus pandemic.

Hailey said: ‘We are just trying to bring happiness to people right now in a time that’s really uncertain.’

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Last year Stacey Solomon’s first two collections with Primark sold out fast – but now she’s back with a new range.

The Loose Women star has created a range of clothes for kids in collaboration with the high street store.

It features 35 pieces for boys and girls, in sizes 0 to 10 years. Prices start at £2 and go up to £14.

There’s lots of bold and bright colours, rainbows, Dalmatian and robot prints.

For parents who want to match with their little ones, there’s a Smile slogan t-shirt available in both adults and kids sizes.

The range also includes accessories with on-trend rainbow sliders, adorable sunnies and super cool caps.

To launch the range, which will be in stores from today (July 20) Stacey modelled with her boys Leighton, Zachary and Rex.

The full collection

Stacey said: ‘I was so excited to be given the opportunity to create my own kidswear collection with Primark. The boys were just as excited as I was,
and I loved being able to include them in a project that means so much to me.

‘I still can’t believe that my boys are going to be able to wear pieces that we all designed together. It was so special to have them as part of the process.’

‘I wanted the collection to be fun and comfy, they’re my top priorities when finding clothes for the boys.

‘I have two favourite pieces, the printed robot tracksuit and the Smile’ t-shirts. I am also a little bit obsessed with the denim jacket. There’s something about tiny clothes that I would wear too that makes me very excited!’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch at Metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Knowing when to return to fitness after having a baby can be a tricky decision – and it is very much based on the individual.

Each person reacts differently to the physical trauma of pregnancy and birth, as well as the exhaustion and hormones of having a newborn. So it’s important to ease yourself back in and not feel pressured to jump back in too early.

But with gyms reopening this week, new mums might be feeling pressure to get back into a fitness schedule, however it’s more important to listen to your body and understand what’s right for you.

Qualified postnatal fitness expert Wendy Powell of MUTU System, has pulled together her top tips for new mums getting back into fitness – and all the things you need to consider.

When should you get back to fitness after having a baby?

C section or complicated vaginal delivery

At the very least, wait 10 weeks before embarking on any form of exercise.

Start with just slow, low impact core and pelvic floor work.

Normal vaginal birth – no complications

Medical advice is six weeks, but our advice is to ensure that you feel stable enough and if you do, start with very low impact core and pelvic floor work before anything else.

We aren’t saying you can’t go for a run again, we’re just saying build the foundations first before you go for a 10k run.

Check out our running guidelines here, if you are a runner.

Avoid high impact exercise until you’ve focused on core and pelvic floor strength 

Your body will thank you in the long run. 

See a women’s health PT or physiotherapist

This isn’t accessible to all women, although we believe it should be, but a women’s health PT will be able to assess you in-person, and determine when you can return to the exercise and do the sport you love again.

Always seek approval from your doctor, but listen to your body as well

You may have gotten the all clear, but listen to your body. If it doesn’t feel right, back up and focus on core work, or ask for a referral to a physio or PT.

Here are Wendy’s top tips for when you do feel ready to return to exercise:

Don’t be made to feel guilty

Spending time with your newborn is precious. However, it is all too easy to forget that you need time for yourself as well.

When it comes to getting back into an exercise routine, it is OK to make time for yourself and let someone else hold your baby for just a little while.

It is easy to forget that we are still human despite having a little person to look after.

It is important to remember that you still matter and having that time for yourself still gives you that time to enjoy having your baby –  especially before you have a crawler, and then a walker, that gets into everything.

Ask your partner for help

Always remember that you are not in this alone. There will always be someone to provide you with support and none are better than your partner.

Talk to them and explain that it is important for you to take this time for yourself and exercise and let your partner bond with the baby.

It will be the best of both worlds.

Change your habits

Make things easier for yourself by changing things up a bit.

Start by setting your alarm just 20 minutes earlier to get up and get your body moving.

Doing a workout from home will cut down travel time to the gym and allow you to spend as much quality time with your baby as possible.

You could also find a quiet space in the office during lunch to do some core work.

Another good thing to do is to log off social media for a week. It’s amazing how long we spend aimlessly scrolling when minutes are so precious in our lives. You will be surprised how much more time you will find for yourself when you turn off the ‘Gram.  

In the evening or on weekends you could even cut down on TV time to work on “Project You” – you will be surprised how small changes to your routine can make a big difference.

Give yourself grace

Being a mum is tough. Your life has changed forever, and on this journey you will realise that not every day and every moment will go as planned.

One day you may get that chance to do a killer workout and others you may be met with chaos, baby poo and forgetting to feed yourself.

Just remember that it is OK to give yourself grace and a fresh start for tomorrow.

Missing one day is not the end of the world, just pick yourself back up and start over fresh,

Get your kids involved

Don’t use your little ones as an excuse to stop you from working out, but instead have them join you.

The MUTU system is perfect for all the family to get involved and can prove to be a great time to bond with one another.

Whether you have toddlers or a tiny baby, you can incorporate them in many ways.

Do you have fitness tips to share? We want to hear from you.

Get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Keeping your houseplants alive is a tricky business.

They need just the right amount of light and water to thrive.

But one mum has a tip to help bring them back to life if they are looking a little poorly.

Australian blogger Kate Freebairn, who posts as The Pantry Mama, revealed that she soaks leftover banana skins in water and then uses the liquid to feed her plants.

She said: ‘Hands up if you love indoor plants? Here’s an easy way to give them a boost! Pop a banana skin in a jar of water. Leave for 24 hours and then feed water to your plants (skin can go in the compost). My plants are so lush & green.’

It’s easy to do as Kate says she just makes some up every time someone has a banana.

The water is used for the plants and the skin can then be composted.

Kate added: ‘Every few weeks is ok. I have over 50 plants so I just make a batch every time someone eats a banana and then pop the water into whichever plant needs a drink.’

Putting the banana skin in the water adds nutrients including potassium, phosphorous and calcium, which can make them stronger and more resistant to pests.

Phosphorous also apparently helps with root and shoot growth.

Fans of The Pantry Mama loved the tip and one mentioned that she uses the skins in another way to help her plants.

Her comment said: ‘Love this! I also use the peel to wipe dust of indoor plant leaves & we occasionally throw them on the stag horn outside ! My folks would put into soil around the rose bushes too! So good ! I’m going to try this.’

Do you have a plant tip to share?

Get in touch at metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Despite being very different, Shetland sheep dog Holly and rescue bunny Poppy are best friends and love grooming each other, or snuggling up together on the sofa.

They share a swish apartment in Toronto, Canada, with their owners Kelsey and Nik Burton, both 29.

Victim support worker, Kelsey, whose husband is a physiotherapist, said: ‘They’ll eat next to each other and if Poppy finishes first, she’ll grab food right from Holly’s mouth and run away with it.

‘And they’re always fighting for their dad’s attention. If one of them is enjoying a snuggle with Nik, you can guarantee within 10 minutes the other will be there looking for a hug too.’

An animal lover her entire life, when Kelsey’s pet rescue rabbit, Charlie, passed away in March last year, aged seven, from complications of a liver infection, she eagerly looked for a substitute to fill the void.

Kelsey, who was following the story of a rescue rabbit on Instagram at the time, believes fate brought Poppy into their lives.

She spotted a bunny called Amelia on social media who had been rescued. Kelsey asked if she could adopt her but she already had a new home.

But Amelia had been pregnant without them realising and she had given birth to a litter of five – one of them was still looking for a home.

Kelsey said: ‘We knew we had to have her. It really did feel like fate!’

Poppy was originally called Peanut but they renamed her due to Nik’s allergy to nuts and she quickly made her stamp on the family.

‘She was so funny from the outset,’ Kelsey explained. ‘She’s nothing like Charlie, who was very docile and chilled.

‘Poppy is queen of our apartment and doesn’t let you forget it.

‘If she wants attention she’ll let you know, by slapping you with her ears, thumping you with her paws, or nipping you if she really means business.

‘I’m glad though, I didn’t want a bunny that reminded me too much of Charlie, as that can be quite painful in itself.’

The couple initially planned to get another rabbit but were worried about her being territorial.

But, after her temporary job became a permanent part-time position in January, Kelsey, thought it could be the perfect way of finding an unlikely companion for Poppy.

She had been thinking about getting a dog but was worried about work commitments before.

;We tried a few rescues at first, but they were very hesitant about re-homing a dog with a prey animal in the house,’ she said

‘So we decided to go to a breeder and, after reading that herding dogs – in particular Shetland sheepdogs – were very good with prey animals, we decided to move in that direction.’

Intending to ‘just visit’, when they arrived at the breeder’s, in Hamilton, Canada, they found that – just like Poppy – Holly was the last of the litter.

‘Nik was insistent that we wouldn’t be coming straight home with a puppy,’ Kelsey laughed.

‘But as soon as we got there, Holly snuggled onto his lap and it was a done deal.

‘I told the breeder, “That’s it – we’re taking her.”‘

Bringing her home the same day, Kelsey very carefully introduced the two animals, admitting that there were a few hiccups at the start.

She recalled: ‘We brought Holly into the apartment on her leash and immediately Poppy ran into her sleeping tube.

‘We tried to coax her out with treats, but she  was not having it. She kept grunting – she was not happy and wanted us to know it.

‘It wasn’t until dinner time that Poppy finally came out from her tube. There’s nothing that will get in between her and eating!

‘There was no aggression between the two, so we let Holly off her lead – she was only 2.5lb then, compared to Poppy who was 5lb – and let them play it out.

‘Holly kept going over to the food and, to be fair to Poppy, she was very good and just grunted to let her know she wasn’t sharing.

‘After 10 minutes, Holly wouldn’t ease up, so Poppy gave her a bit of a scratch and she came running over to me as if to say, “Mum, Mum – do something.”

‘But Poppy did good, she warned Holly and I wasn’t offering any sympathy.’

For the first month, Poppy tolerated Holly but a trip to Whistler in March cemented their bond.

Kelsey said: ‘Poppy was being looked after at home and Holly was with a friend, so they were separated for an entire week.

‘When we got back and they were reunited you could really tell that they’d missed each other – especially Poppy.

‘She hopped over to Holly when she came through the door and bowed her head so that she could be groomed.

‘Poppy has a big twig ball that she loves to roll around on the floor and she actively started to role it towards Holly, so they could play together – it’s so sweet.’

Now the dog and bunny relationship has evolved, Kelsey admits that they are like older and younger siblings.

And, like any proud mother, Kelsey is forever sharing snaps on social media – so much so that her friends and family have made her start an Instagram just for her pets.

‘It got to the point where my Instagram had actually become theirs,’ she said.

‘So, last month, I setup an Instagram for the two of them.

‘It’s been a great way to get to know other rabbits and sheepdog owners in the local area.

‘We only have 200 followers or so, but I’m not fussed about being the owner of Insta-famous pets – I think the fame would go to Poppy’s head for sure.

‘If I know one post of the two of them has brought some joy and happiness to someone, that’s enough for me.’

Do you have a story about your pets?

Get in touch at metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Over the past few months, working from home has become the ‘new normal’, but with restrictions lifting, lots of people will (slowly) be getting back to office life.

This has prompted many to think about whether they want to return at all.

The coronavirus pandemic has put things into perspective. Some have realised they don’t want to continue in a job they don’t enjoy, while others have come to see that they are not getting the support/progression/pay they need.

‘What coronavirus is doing for many of us is opening up our lives, taking away the blinkers we’ve always lived with and making us ask many new questions we’ve never asked ourselves before,’ says Serge Beddington-Behrens, a psychotherapist and author.

Of course, any huge life decision should be made with careful thought and consideration.

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There are also the economic factors to take into account. With a UK recession on the horizon, jobs are likely to be scarce come by.

To find out more, we ask experts to share what the most important things are to consider before you up and quit.

Don’t be hasty

Serge says: ‘This pandemic is shaking everything up, so don’t rush into a decision without thinking it through very carefully. 

‘All too often, we can go from one extreme to another. If you quit, can you afford to? Are you sure of finding another job? Or do you have enough money not to need to work – for how long?

‘All these things need to be thought-through very carefully with no decisions made rashly. We need to be 100% clear with ourselves that we really are in the wrong profession and aren’t just trying to wheedle out of working hard.’

If you’re certain you want to leave your position, alleviate some of the pressure by taking your time with the job-hunting process.

Alister Gray, a life coach and mindset expert, adds: ‘Sometimes we feel the need to make a decision quickly and yet, when we slow down and allow things to unfold naturally, we can often gain greater clarity and insight. 

‘Quite often, by slowing down, new pieces of information and insight emerge, leading us to a decision and an outcome that feels more natural.

‘Review the situation once you’ve had time to think without the pressure of having to make a decision.’

Make changes in your current role

‘Ask yourself if your values are being fulfilled in your current working environment or if they could be with some simple adjustments,’ says Wendy Smith, a life and business coach.

‘If changing a couple of aspects means your values are being fulfilled you may not need to change your job.’

This could be negotiating a new way of working (like working from home more), a pay rise, different support structures or even a sabbatical.

Serge says: ‘Many of us dislike our work not because it is necessarily inappropriate work for us, but because of the politics we face every day in our work environment.

‘ If we can agree some shifts or if we could have a role in somehow changing the politics, we might feel happier.’

If this isn’t possible, then it might well be time to look for another job.

Serge adds: ‘You may find that your values are not being met at all and this is the perfect time to move forwards knowing you are now going to pursue a career that will fulfil your needs.’

Consider if it’s coming from an emotional place…

It’s important to consider the motivation behind any big decision.

Professor Binna Kandola, senior partner at business psychology consultancy Pearn Kandola, explains that the decision really comes down to why someone wants to quit – and whether it’s for positive reasons or more emotional ones.

She says: ‘For some people, not having to physically go to the workplace to carry out their work has been quite a revelation.

‘They have avoided all of the hassles that are associated with going to and coming from their places of work. If they manage to find an opportunity which means they don’t have to do that anymore, then that’s obviously a very positive reason. 

‘But if someone wants to leave a job because lockdown has left them feeling rather down or depressed, then I would say don’t make the decision now. Seek help and support, and once a few months have passed, look at the decision again.

‘People feel the most down in the period just before the work is going to come to an end.

‘So, this period now, when lockdown is easing and return to the workplace is imminent, is the time at which people will feel the most anxious and potentially depressed.’

…and don’t make big decisions when you feel emotional

The past few months have been incredibly overwhelming for a lot of people, but big decisions shouldn’t be made when emotions are running high.

‘One of the best tips I’ve found around decision-making is (when possible) to not make decisions in the very moment where you feel unsettled, frustrated and worried because our mind is often occupied with a number of thoughts and concerns,’ says Raghav Parkash, a business coach.

‘A great but simple tip is to be kind to yourself and not demand that you need to have the precise answers to what you will do next toward your job.

‘In time you can absolutely figure this out. For now, give yourself time to switch off from the challenge you are facing, spend time doing projects and activities you love and you will begin to feel lighter, clearer and able to return to the situation feeling much more clearer and inspired.’

Separate feelings about lockdown from your job 

Raghav says: ‘During times of uncertainty, it can be very easy to feel unsettled and nervous, and if you are contemplating making a major decision – such as changing jobs – it really helps to separate the current circumstances from how you see your job role.’

A good way to do this is to think about whether you’ve had any doubts about your job in the past or if they’ve occurred recently.

Raghav adds: ‘It really helps to identify whether the factors making you consider leaving your role are down to the role itself or down to a very challenging time we all find ourselves in.’

Talk to trusted friends about it

As the age-old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Talking through your frustrations and worries with a friend may help you feel less tense.

What’s more, they might be able to offer some helpful advice or give a different perspective.

Raghav adds: ‘What you will probably find is that it is not just you experiencing this and many of your friends will be able to relate and share some ideas and insights that have benefited them personally.’

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The last few months have been intense, so it’s unsurprising that people are reporting more vivid dreams than usual.

Dreams are our minds’ way of working through subconscious issues while we sleep, and at the moment we have a lot of issues to choose from.

But the dreams that pop up again and again are about work. In fact, workplace dreams are incredibly common – and they’re usually pretty stressful

Research by Psychic World has revealed the five most common workplace dreams – including the classic; running late, realising you’re naked in the office and everyone’s favourite, having sex with a colleague.

But dreaming about having sex with a colleague doesn’t necessarily spell disaster, and it doesn’t mean you actually want to rip their clothes off in the stationary cupboard.

Instead, dreaming about a steamy office encounter can often point towards the workplace skills and attributes that you would like to posses yourself – rather than anything romantic.

The dream experts at Psychic World have explained exactly what these common workplace dreams mean, so you can hopefully get a good night’s sleep before heading back to the office.

Being late/forgetting you have work

This dream contains a subject we are all aware of, being late.

Whether being late ourselves, or waiting for someone else, we have all experienced lateness in some form.

Psychic World believes that this dream suggests you may be missing out on something or not doing what you want in your career.

Unprepared for a presentation

This anxiety dream may be a reality for a few people, but when it invades your sleep, it could suggest that you’re lacking in confidence about your work. 

If it’s recurring, you should think about opening up to someone you trust at work.

Realising you are naked 

This one is a classic, and was common during childhood in a school setting, but for some people this continues into adult work.

It is no surprise that this dream suggests feeling exposed and can link to the idea of a lack of confidence, hence why you feel like you ‘stand out’ in your workplace.

Having sex with a colleague

No this doesn’t mean you’re attracted to this person (unless you already know you are).

This could instead be a very heavy handed way of your brain telling you that this person has attributes in the workplace that you want to have yourself.

Trapped in the toilet/lift

This unfortunate dream occurs due to a feeling of being stuck in your job, with no prospect of moving forward or growing.

If this continues something may need to change for you career-wise. Try speaking to your boss about how your career is going to progress.

What to do if you’re worried about workplace dreams

The experts at Standout CV have explained what you should do if you’re recurring workplace dreams are stressing you out.

They don’t always mean you have to wake up the next morning and hand in your notice.

‘While work can be a stressful experience, it can also be very rewarding and is a part of life we cannot ignore,’ explains a spokesperson.

‘If you are suffering from work-related anxiety then there are a couple of things we would suggest you do to help improve your situation:’

Talk to your boss

Your boss should be there to help you if you are not enjoying yourself. If you are feeling like you are trapped, ask your boss to clarify the progression they see for you in your career, even just a casual chat about how your work is going may make you feel less anxious.

Bosses may be busy, but if you initiate the conversation they’ll be sure to give you feedback that should be beneficial to you.

If you don’t feel comfortable enough to talk to your boss, you should talk to someone you feel comfortable talking to at work.

Consider your future

Taking control of your future could help with any anxiety.

Maybe consider your current role and whether you want to keep doing it, or whether looking into different industries may be better for you.

There is nothing wrong with exploring other avenues if you’re unhappy.

Try recreational activities

One of the most important things to reduce stress from work is having things to look forward to outside of the office.

Organise something to do with your friends, go for dinner, anything that will take your mind away from work.

Maybe let your friends know what’s stressing you. It’s important to not make work your only focus in life.

Do you have a story to share? We want to hear from you.

Get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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To say that the employment market is precarious right now would be an understatement.

People are doing everything they can to hold on to their job or keep businesses afloat, with some waiting in fear of what will happen once furlough ends in October (and whether they will have a career to go back to at all).

The uncertainty presents a big problem for those who are in stable roles, too – as it could see their careers slow down substantially.

We all want to feel valued in the workplace, and while this may not seem like a major issue in comparison to losing one’s job, having to wait an extra year or two for career progression, especially a pay rise, can feel stressful, and demoralising.

Layoffs in other parts of the company could also see employees having to pick up more work without being appropriately compensated for it.

So what do you do when there’s a literal pandemic going on, the economy is shaky (to say the least) but you want to move forward in your job?

Let’s start with the most important question.

Should you ask for a pay rise in lockdown?

According to Ed Johnson, co-founder and CEO of PushFar, you should absolutely ask for a pay rise, if you feel it’s time.

He said: ‘Don’t treat the request differently just because of the current climate.

‘The “ask” and the way to handle it should be the same regardless of external situations and circumstances.

‘If you feel you can justify it, then the current climate should not change things.’

Vintia Ramtri, a mindset coach, agrees and adds that lockdown could be the perfect time to showcase your unique skillset.

‘Lockdown has been incredibly hard for the job market and many people would advise against asking for a pay rise when firms have taken such a beating. 

‘But think again. It’s times such as these that call for the best people to rise and deliver.

‘Whether it’s operating long hours, or managing tremendously complex and never ending change, while making sure that customers are safe, many people have pulled all stops to do what it takes. 

‘They say adaptability and resilience are some key skills for the future and what better platform to demonstrate those skills than the lockdown?’

However, before you ask for the cold hard cash, take an honest look at the company’s situation.

If there have been layoffs in the past week or month, and everyone is doing their part to ensure the future of the business, it might be best to hold off – for a little while.

But don’t put it on the back-burner forever.

Remember, you’re not doing the company a favour by being a good worker – you are providing a valuable service and deserve to be recognised for it.

Ed adds: ‘That said, asking for a pay rise should be done with care and consideration at any time, but particularly in a period of instability and uncertainty.

‘If colleagues are on furlough or your organisation is making job cuts, know that the odds are highly stacked against you.

‘Having the sensitivity and emotional intelligence to handle the request is vital.

‘With all that taken into account, build a business case and defend your request accordingly.’

It can be difficult to know if the business is stable if you’re not privy to this type of information, but you are within your right to ask your manager for a meeting.

Be honest and fair, but don’t shy away from the hard questions.

Know your worth – but be realistic

Not sure how much to ask for?

Avoid situations where you undersell or oversell your skills (in monetary value) by doing your research before entering the meeting.

Sue Andrews, HR & business consultant at KIS Finance, said: ‘It’s no good asking for an unrealistic sum as your boss won’t take you seriously if you appear to have plucked a figure out of the air.

‘Make sure you have the evidence to back up your request, such as salary survey data and be prepared to accept that large increases are unlikely to be agreed during these uncertain times.’

And consider if money is the main motivator for you, or if you would be equally happy with a different type of compensation.

Never talk about how hard you work (everyone thinks they work hard)…

Patrick Barr, leadership expert and author of The Successful Career Toolkit, said: ‘Always approach a salary discussion as a process, not a one-off discussion.

‘Also look at other things the company may be able to give you that have value but not cost the company very much e.g. giving you more paid holidays, or a bigger pension contribution or paying for you to do a course.

‘These things are easier for the company to give you and may in the long run be worth more to you than a straight pay rise.’

Come armed with facts, not feelings

Business is business.

Even if you are best buds with your boss, it’s always better to request a pay rise with facts, rather than appeal to feelings.

There’s no need to butter anyone up, simply show them the results that you have produced.

Joe Wiggins, careers trends expert at Glassdoor, said: ‘Check your emotions at the door – this is a business decision, not an emotional one.

‘Does the company have room in the budget? Are you an exceptional performer?

‘Are you going above and beyond right now during a difficult time?

‘You need to be sensitive to the situation around you, but some companies are thriving and on a hiring surge, in which case you are on more solid ground.’

Put together a document or a list of your best work, figures, performance statics (if relevant) or any other ways you can think of to show how amazing you are at your job.

Having this on paper will not only be good for that important pay rise chat, but it will also provide you with your worth in black and white – which is great for the confidence.

Confidence coach Natalie Trice said: ‘If you have been working and really putting in the hours, I’d say sit down and make a list of the contributions you’ve made over the past six months and look at where you’ve gone the extra mile.

‘Maybe setting up staff Zoom calls to keep people connected, helping your employer to set up new systems or even looking at where you have helped the business you work for by save money or finding a way to give back to the NHS.

‘What you really want to show is that you are committed and if you feel that you have the right relationship with your manager and can have an honest conversation with them, I’d say be brave and do it. ‘

Play the wild card, but take care with ultimatums

If you have another job offer on the table, this could be the perfect time to leverage it for a pay rise at your existing workplace.

On the one hand, this could show your employer that you are in high demand, but on the other, they may not have the funds to match the other offer.

Ultimatums don’t always pay off – so consider if it’s worth the gamble (especially if you don’t fancy the new gig as much or it only pays marginally better).

Joe adds: ‘Have a plan if your boss says no – even if you’ve built a case, chosen the right time and presented your case in an objective way, your boss might still say no.’

What to avoid saying when you ask for a pay rise

Most business experts agree: avoid threatening language and keep your cool if the conversation doesn’t go your way.

Patrick said: ‘Never talk about how hard you work (everyone thinks they work hard), focus on your the positive impact and outcomes you deliver for the company. 

‘Don’t make threats e.g. threaten to leave unless you get a pay rise because your boss will either call your bluff or resent being blackmailed into giving you a pay rise neither of which are good outcomes.’

Consider the environment, too.

Set up a meeting specifically to discuss your progress in the company, don’t just blurt out your desires for a pay rise in a random catch-up.

‘Managers are human too and they won’t like feeling that they have been pushed into agreeing to something,’ says Sue.

‘If things become heated you’re not only unlikely to get a raise, you may also find it damages your future prospects too. 

‘With many companies facing the prospect of having to make redundancies in the coming months, be careful not to give your manager a reason to have a negative opinion of you.’

Do you have a story to share?

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I knew that I could die if I stayed in there too long. I kept asking myself if it was safe, or was I stupid for exposing myself to the extreme cold in an icy lake.

The level of pain that gripped my whole body was intense and I had to fight hard to stay in control of my thoughts. As my extremities started to go numb and the alarm bells inside my head intensified, I focused on my breath. That helped. A little.

Now, whenever I look at this photo of me bathing in the freezing water in the heart of winter, I’m amazed at how relaxed I look. I almost give off the impression that I’m finding it effortless to be in there.

However, the reality was very different. My mind raced and screamed at me to get out of the water. My brain was telling me that I was in serious danger and that I needed to change my situation immediately. After only a few measly minutes of being in the water, I couldn’t feel my hands and feet and knew that it was time for me to leave. 

Just outside of Finland’s capital city Helsinki, there is a beautiful national park called Sipoonkorpi. In winter the frozen lakes and outdoor pools of the park attract many cold-seeking Finns. The ice gets broken and the water waits patiently for swimmers to test their mindsets in the chilling temperatures. 

There is a little café and sauna right next to the lake so that ice-dippers can warm themselves up afterwards. The theory is that moving between the two extremes of the sauna and the icy water is good for your body and an invigorating way to cultivate physical and mental wellbeing. I was desperate to give it a try.

It was during a recent winter break to Helsinki that I got the opportunity. I was there on holiday and wanted to seek out some interesting things to do. I did my research and discovered that the park was only a short bus ride from the city centre. I didn’t need a lot of convincing so packed my swimming trunks and set off to embrace the cold.

Whenever I recount my experience of ice swimming, I always get asked ‘Why?!’. Every time. Without fail. For me, the answer is simple: I wanted to gain more control over my mind. 

A few years ago, I started to experience very severe anxiety and panic attacks. At the time, I honestly thought that I was dying. I didn’t understand what was happening to me and it was incredibly frightening. My racing heart, shaking hands and constant state of fear was overwhelming. 

All of this came out of the blue, and I was ill-equipped to deal with it. I didn’t have any tools or tricks in place to manage my mental health and my mind was spiralling out of control. I was desperate to find a solution.

After extensive reading and research into what I could do to take back control of my life, I came across Stoicism. This changed everything for me. The Stoic philosophers of Ancient Greece and Rome used to deliberately challenge themselves as a way to develop a resilient mind. 

This ‘voluntary discomfort’ was used to train for future adversity that they might encounter in day-to-day life. 

The Stoics would deliberately expose themselves to the cold and the heat, sleep on hard floors, fast from food and water and push themselves both mentally and physically. I fell in love with this idea and decided to test it out with my own Stoic-inspired challenges.

To cut a long story short, this has had a profoundly positive impact on my life and completely changed my relationship with anxiety for the better. 

Thanks to the Stoics, I’ve been using challenges as a way for me to build mental resilience, learn more about how my mind responds to difficult situations and develop confidence in my ability to face adversity. I now look for challenges in many different places, from running marathons, to climbing mountains, to learning new skills. 

Some of the things I’ve done have also been quite weird. I’ve climbed Mount Everest on my stairs during lockdown (yes, it was incredibly boring), slept in unusual places in a sleeping bag, eaten strange food, deliberately dressed like an idiot (I’m an introvert so that one was very hard for me), learned to pick locks (don’t worry, they were my own) and queued – for no reason other than to work on my mindset. 

When I announced to my family and friends that I would be going ice swimming in Finland, no one was surprised. Not one bit.

I had a few reservations about how uncomfortable the experience might be but was determined to find out for myself. When I took those first steps into the biting lake, I will never forget the shock I felt as my body hit the water. It literally took my breath away. 

I kept reminding myself that there was a sauna nearby. I knew that I could warm myself up there if things became unbearable and this helped me to endure the discomfort. 

After my first and painful dip, I walked across the snow to the sauna. I would love to tell you that I gracefully made my way there, but that was not the case. I couldn’t feel my feet and hobbled across the ice, red from the cold, looking like some sort of gremlin. The regulars bring plastic shoes to get from the lake to the sauna but I clearly didn’t get the memo!

As soon as I got into the warmth, I was amazed at how my body reacted to the extreme change in temperature. My body began to convulse. This uncontrollable shaking lasted several minutes and at first was a little alarming. It was an unusual sensation that only began to settle down when my core temperature returned to normal.

I proceeded to spend the next few hours running from the lake to the sauna and then back again. Constantly getting in and out of the water, swimming lengths of the pool and pushing myself to endure the cold was tough but left me feeling incredible afterwards. My whole body buzzed and I felt elated. 

The endorphins were flowing, and I got a real appreciation for why this is such a popular part of Finnish culture. 

The whole experience was topped off with a hot chocolate that tasted incredible. This was probably made sweeter by the fact that my masochist adventure had finally come to an end.

I truly believe that stepping outside of our comfort zones can be a great way for us to build mental strength. 

Although this can feel difficult and counterintuitive at times, I’ve personally experienced a massive boost in confidence from doing it. I’m sure that others will too.

It starts with cold showers, and before you know it, you’re in the middle of a glacial lake, trying not to swear at the top of your lungs. Have I convinced you to give it a try yet?

I’m currently training for a tough endurance event and using ice-baths to help me recover. Each time I fill the bath, I think back to the frozen lake in Finland and it makes me smile. 

That was a challenge I will never forget.

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When ordering a pizza from Domino’s, the garlic dip is a crucial part of the meal.

And if you want to recreate the condiment with your own pizza at home to save some money, one man has revealed his recipe.

Of course, no one knows the secret recipe for the actual dip but @daddydinners on TikTok says his version matches the taste.

You can also buy the garlic dip in some supermarkets but if you prefer to make your own, this is how you do it.

He uses:

• ½ cup sour cream
• ½ cup mayonnaise
• 1tsp oregano
• 1tbsp white wine vinegar
• ½ tsp garlic puree
• Pinch of salt
• Pinch of sugar

He simply puts it all in a bowl, mixes it well and leaves it in the fridge to chill for a few hours.

Once his pizza is ready, he can spoon some of it into ramekins and dip.

He describes it as ‘healthier’ but he probably means in terms of reducing additives as the sour cream and mayo means it’s still quite high in fat.

You could use lower fat sour cream and mayo if you want to cut that down.

The TikToker said his wife loves the recipe and even prefers it to the original Domino’s version.

Followers of his page loved the recipe, though a few said they preferred just to buy some.

One said: ‘Amazing. I love their pizza mostly because of this garlic dip. I’ll sure try it soon. Thank you.’

Another added: ‘Oh love this. Going to try this with some homemade chicken kebabs this weekend. Love the recipes.’

Do you have a recipe to share?

Get in touch at metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Looking for somewhere affordable to live in London is no joke. So if you see a self-contained flat on the market for £200,000, you would be forgiven for getting excited.

But you might want to think twice before applying for a mortgage for this ‘micro flat’ in Notting Hill, west London.

The 79-square foot flat sits right in the heart of the borough of Kensington and Chelsea, one of the country’s most desirable locations – but it has a shower and sink right next to the bed.

It’s painted white, and has what looks like laminate flooring, but it definitely needs updating and redecorating. And there isn’t really room for any additional seating other than the single bed,

Letting agents say it’s a perfect opportunity to create a London ‘bolt hole’, but you would have to be happy with very limited living space.

As well as the hobs, sink and shower, the minuscule room also boasts a toilet cubicle, a single bed and one window.

The flat was initially listed for £250,000 but was lowered by £50,000 just a week later… which means it’s a bargain, right?

If you do invest in this mini property, you’ll have to have some spare cash handy to do it up, as letting agents say it is in need of complete modernisation throughout.

Ok, so it doesn’t have much to offer on the inside – but what about the surrounding area?

The flat is close to Notting Hill Gate tube and Ladbroke Grove tube, giving speedy access into the City. Who needs space for a sofa or a table if you have such great transport links?

So if you have a spare £200,000 lying around, think about it.

Maybe you like the idea of being able to fry bacon without leaving your bed.

Do you have a story to share? we want to hear from you.

Get in touch: metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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In our series What I Rent, we’re exploring the reality of renting.

Each week we have a nose around someone’s rented property and ask them about how they’ve turned their flat or house into a home.

Last week we hung out with Fleur and Leila, who pay £1,050 a month for a flat in Anerley.

This time we’re chatting with Ceri, a fan of boho-inspired interiors (which she shares on Instagram) who lives alone in Surbiton, south west London.

Ceri, 31, works in advertising and has lived in this area for the last five years.

Hey, Ceri! How much do you pay to live here?

Rent is £1,250 pcm and bills come to around £250.

And what do you get for what you pay?

It’s a two-bedroom flat with one bathroom.

Do you think you have a good deal?

I think the rent is fair for the space I have and the area I’m in – I originally was only looking for a one bed, but this place came up and I fell in love with it.

It was only a small amount more than the one beds I’d already seen, so it was a no-brainer really.

How did you find the flat?

Lots of searching on Rightmove and Zoopla!

How have you made this place feel like home?

Just lots of small touches really – most of my furniture is second hand, either off Facebook Marketplace or from charity shops and personally I find a bit of an eclectic mix of things gives the place so much more character.

I also hang anything and everything I can on the walls, which brightens up what is a huge expanse of magnolia paint!

Have you found it difficult to decorate when renting? Is your landlord happy with you doing bits?

My flat is very old, and when I moved in there were already lots of nail holes in the wall, so I’m not going to lie, I have added a few more!

But for the majority of things I use command hooks and strips, which are an absolute godsend when you are restricted with what you can do.

I’ve also done things like vinyling the worktops in the kitchen, which made a massive difference, and when I move out I can just peel it straight off.

Do you feel like you have enough space?

The space is perfect for me – my kitchen is tiny, but just right for what I need, and I’m very lucky to have a generous living/dining room which has plenty of space for guests.

Are there any problems with the home you have to deal with?

Being an old Victorian conversion flat, it does come with its issues, but on the whole it’s really not that bad.

Do you have plans to move again?

My boyfriend and I are currently saving up to buy a house, so at some point yes, I will be on the move again.

I have rented for almost 10 years, so it’s quite a daunting thought to own somewhere, but I’m definitely looking forward to being able to actually paint some walls for once!

Same. Shall we have a look around?

What I Rent is a weekly series that’s out every Tuesday at 10am.

Check back next week to have another nose around a rented property.

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When Nigel Brookes was given a set of Pokemon cards for looking after his brother in 1999, he initially felt of the gift as a ‘waste’, as he wasn’t into the game.

Nigel, now 34,  was gifted the complete set of cards by his mum after he looked after his then seven-year-old brother, Jeremy, now 28, defending him from kids who were trying to con him out of his best cards.

His proud mum bought Nigel the collector’s edition pack to reward him – even though the grumpy teen didn’t even like Pokemon.

But 13-year-old Nigel set them aside hoping they would be worth something one day – and their growing value has surpassed his biggest expectations.

The business owner from Sutton Coldfield, Birmingham was offered £6 by his own daughter for the cards so decided to get them valued. But he was blown away when auctioneers told him the collection was estimated to be worth £35,000.

Nigel, a dad-of-three, said: ‘I was disappointed at the time because the collection was one of my birthday presents so to me it was waste of a present.

‘Little did I know they would be worth £35,000 now, we have kept them in the family for over 20 years and now they’re going up for sale for a collector who will take care of them.

There are 103 cards in total, they are all in pristine condition and were bought direct from creators ‘Wizards Of The Coast’ in the US, and are all first edition.

My daughter Layla loves Pokémon and did try to buy them all of me for £6. Unfortunately that won’t cut it, and I’m sure she’ll appreciate why I said no in the future!’

Although Nigel was told that the cards will potentially double in value over the next 20 years, he’s decided to sell them to a collector now to take his family on holidays and make memories with the children.

‘My kids are growing up and I want to be able to give them a really special childhood, with this money we can really set ourselves up for the future,’ said Nigel.

‘It is also scary having this collection. If there was a flood, they got damaged, lost, or ruined in some way, they wouldn’t be worth anything.

‘Now I think it’s time to get our moneys worth and enjoy ourselves.’

Richard Winterton Auctioneers will be selling the set live from The Lichfield Auction Centre as Lot 1600 at 4pm on 27 July via international auction platforms The Saleroom and Easy Live Auction.

Auctioneer, Richard Winterton, said: ‘The collection is estimated to fetch in the region of at least £25,000 to £35,000 and is viewed as something of a Holy Grail for serious Pokemon aficionados all over the world.’

Do you have a story you’d like to share with us?

Get in touch at MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk.

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An oil tanker the size of a colossal iceberg moved like a slug on the horizon, while a cargo ship with similar giant dimensions trailed slowly behind.

I was about halfway across the English Channel from the port town of Cherbourg in France to Gosport, Hampshire, on the UK’s south coast and just entered one of the world’s busiest shipping lanes.

It was the maiden voyage in my partner’s new sailboat, a 45.9ft aluminium hull yacht made by the French shipbuilder Allures Yachting.

We were filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation on making our first crossing and neither of us had sailed the Channel before.

The stretch of water is notoriously dangerous, with temperamental weather conditions and strong tidal currents.

I had learned to sail last year by participating in the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race, where I had an intensive four-week training course in preparation for crossing the South Atlantic from Uruguay to South Africa.

Fortunately, on the day we crossed the English Channel it was a world away from the gnarly grey South Atlantic, with clear blue skies and calm sea conditions.

We had set off just after 2 am as we were unsure how long the voyage would take and we’d heard some people taking as long as 16 hours to make the crossing – some 71 nautical miles, the equivalant of 81 miles – with poor winds.

It was pretty exciting setting off from Cherbourg harbour – the world’s second-biggest manmade marina after Ras Laffan Harbour in Qatar – in the silent darkness.

It had been a while since I’d seen such a beautiful night sky with thousands of stars twinkling like a sea of glitter and the odd shooting star making an appearance.

Given the lack of wind, we spent the first portion of the journey using the yacht’s engine, which saw us travel at around 8 knots or 9 miles per hour.

It was fairly chilly when we set out but around 6 am, the sun started rising, with a large orange disc on the horizon steadily ascending.

There was no-one else around as we bobbed along on the wash of water, with the odd bird our only company.

It was only when we hit the shipping lane that we had to be careful to monitor the traffic on the yacht’s computer screens with tankers and cargo ships moving in both directions.

The computers tell you the risk of collision and if you need to reroute.

Luckily we made it through the tide of traffic in one piece and put the sails up with the wind speed increasing. We managed around 7 knots or 8 miles an hour at one point.

The most wonderful part of sailing, I learned from my stint on the Clipper Round the World Yacht Race, is the excitement at seeing land again.

After a good 10 hours of seeing nothing but water, the Isle of Wight clearly came into view with its milky golden cliffs and green slopes making for an attractive view.

There were a few more sailboats around the island and a foiling catamaran flew past us at one point.

From the Isle of Wight, we rounded the corner to see Portsmouth in the distance, with the distinctive Emirates Spinnaker Tower rearing its head.

Gosport is located just opposite Portsmouth and there are a good few harbours to choose from.

We opted for the Royal Clarence Marina as a fellow sailor had recommended it for its facilities, especially the sparkling shower block.

The marina operator told us we had to complete a Public Health Passenger Locator Form before we arrived in the UK from France which has been recently introduced as part of the Covid-19 tracking measures.

It was easy to fill out the form online, with passport details and contact information required and the finished document emailed back.

After we pulled into the marina around 2 pm my mum messaged asking, ‘Was it scary?’

I replied saying for us, the 12-hour English Channel crossing had been a breeze.

I will remember that twinkling night sky for some good time to come, along with the colossal slug-like oil tankers stealthily slinking along.

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Everyone loves a good vegetable pun.

The Lambeth Country Show is always full of them with its famous Vegetable Sculpture Competition.

While the format was different this year as it had to be virtual, the much-loved competition still took place and there really were some sights to behold.

Green-fingered enthusiasts were able to enter their root vegetables in the new online competition.

The entries did not disappoint either, with political jokes and nods to cultural talking points of 2020.

Many participants opted to theme their vegetables around the Netflix docu-series Tiger King – with entries such as ‘Thai Gherkin’ and ‘Turnip King and Carrot Baskin’ – which were impressive lookalikes of their human counterparts.

On a similar thread, one entry paid tribute to the popular BBC drama I May Destroy You – written and starring Michaela Coel – with their ‘Mi-Kale-a Coel-rabi’ creation.

Elsewhere, there were a plethora of political gags to enjoy, with ‘A Total Mash-Up’ featuring B.S (butternut squash) Johnson, Mikale Gove and Dominic Cabbage, alongside a piece titled ‘The Cu-Cummings visit to Barnard Castle.’

Other entries inspired by well-known individuals included the ‘Frida Kale-o’ butternut squash artwork – which scooped first place in the competition.

There was also a ‘Shroom Hangout’, in reference to the Zoom calls which dominated lockdown.

The annual event also featured scarecrow, flower shop and recycled garden competitions.

In other bizarre fruit and vegetable news, a man found a rude-looking carrot in his food delivery, which looked like someone with their legs spread and a penis in between.

And an Australian blogger brought her plants back to life by soaking leftover banana skins in water and then using the liquid to feed them.

More entries for the Lambeth Country Show Vegetable Sculpture Competition can be found on the event’s Facebook page.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch at MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk.

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This beautiful house has gone on sale in London for £700,000 – but the whole property is narrower than a double decker bus.

The two-bedroom house in East Dulwich, south London, is understood to be one of the narrowest in the city.

It was originally a workshop with an apartment above added in 2004 but was converted into one house with 570sq ft of space two years ago.

From the front, the traditional doors still have a warehouse vibe but behind there, they’ve managed to squeeze in two bedrooms, a bathroom and a open-plan kitchen and entertaining area.

Each room is beautifully finished in a modern style and there’s even a small south-facing garden.

The whole building is just over 8 ft wide so you might have to be more creative with your furniture choices.

To put it into perspective, a London double-decker bus is 8ft 3in wide.

The light colours and glass doors to let lots of light in still make it look quite roomy though.

Despite the tight space, it’s still pricey due to the location. It’s 0.8 miles to East Dulwich Station and 1.4 miles to Peckham Rye for travelling into central London but it’s also close to the cafes, bars and restaurants on Lordship Lane, for relaxing at the weekend.

Christopher Burton, head of Knight Frank’s Dulwich office told Homes and Property: ‘This great little house offers a south-facing garden, carefully considered layout and modern design features.

‘It’s ideal for those who have decided to move out of London following lockdown but still want a stylish, low-maintenance pied-à-terre for their [less frequent] trips to the office or central London amenities.’ 

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch at metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk.

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Miscarriage can be an intensely isolating experience – and for me, it became progressively more lonely as I endured six in a row. 

Last week, Jools Oliver opened up about her experience of having five miscarriages, including a recent one in lockdown. She admitted that she hadn’t told her family about each loss, saying she didn’t want to worry them, and instead wanted to ‘just… carry on’. 

I recognised that mindset, because I felt it too. 

My first pregnancy went ahead without a problem and our eldest son was born in 2011.

Then, 18 months later, we decided we wanted him to have a little brother or sister. We started trying for another baby, and that’s when I had my first miscarriage.

It happened early in the pregnancy, at eight weeks, and I responded in a very practical way. It wasn’t a pleasant experience, but I understood logically that not all pregnancies are destined to survive. Although I didn’t know women who had had miscarriages, I knew that they were relatively common, so it didn’t take me by surprise.

Nobody around me knew I had been pregnant in the first place, except my husband – conventional wisdom says you don’t tell people you’re pregnant until you’re 12 weeks – so I didn’t tell many people about our loss either.

I just carried on, thinking it hadn’t worked out, but that was OK. Since my first pregnancy had been uneventful, I wasn’t particularly worried it would happen again.

In 2013, I had two more miscarriages, each time at seven or eight weeks. I began to know what to expect with a miscarriage. By now, early pregnancy felt uncertain and, apart from my husband, I kept my worry to myself. In general though, I still felt happy to keep trying, and confident everything would work out in the end.  

The fourth miscarriage was different. It coincided with a promotion at work and this time I found I couldn’t ‘just carry on’ any more. Emotionally, It knocked me over like a wave. 

The effort it took to put on a brave face at work and social events would leave me drained

It felt like, suddenly, I had all four miscarriages at once. Almost overnight, I went from being a happy mother, wife, friend and colleague, to suffering from anxiety to the point where I couldn’t really function. I would drop my three-year-old son at nursery and I would get into the car and sob. It would take me half an hour to recover enough to drive home.

I was lucky to have a supportive husband and family around me, but even so, I didn’t feel like I could talk openly about what I was going through. Instead, I would wear a mask, presenting a happy exterior to the world. That took so much energy. 

Putting on a brave face left me drained. I pulled myself together to attend a family wedding, I smiled and danced, in part to reassure my family I was OK, but this left me exhausted and tearful for days afterwards.

Despite the pain of the fourth miscarriage, I was determined to keep trying. I had a powerful desire to provide a sibling for my son, and a bit of relentless optimism that if I carried on, it would eventually happen.

I realised that if I was to keep trying, I had to tell my friends and family as soon as I became pregnant, rather than waiting until 12 weeks, because I would need their support if I lost another baby. 

So the fifth time I got a positive pregnancy test in three years, I told my mum and my closest friends straight away. 

The fifth miscarriage was awful. I’d got to 10 weeks, and started to feel hope. It was nearly Christmas, and one evening we went to dinner at a friend’s house. My not drinking was noticed, and we told our friends that my scan was the next day. Everyone fell silent, because we all knew it was too soon to say ‘congratulations’. 

The following day, at the scan we learnt there was no heartbeat. I spent the Christmas holiday trying to smile for my son and our visitors, while waiting for the inevitable bleeding and pain to start. 

I joined online support groups, and began seeing a counsellor who specialised in grieving. I had been feeling like I wasn’t ‘allowed’ to feel grief, because I hadn’t lost people, but pregnancies. The counsellor helped me to understand that we can grieve for the loss of a hope, and that I was mourning the dream of a sibling for my son. That was really significant. 

I began to see a pregnancy as a tiny spark of hope, and a miscarriage was the spark being extinguished. 

I also had an excellent GP. He was supportive of both my mental health, and my continued pursuit of a second child. I used the Miscarriage Association website, and read up about clinical trials. 

My heart and my head were so fragile that even the kindest and most well-intentioned friend or relative would inadvertently say something which would make me crumble

Having the support  of my husband, my GP, friends and family helped me get through the dark days. But after the sixth loss, I had to acknowledge the escalating cost to my mental health of getting pregnant. My anxiety was worse than ever, and I had responsibilities, especially to my son. So, after six losses, my husband and I decided to take a break from trying. 

During the following year, I changed jobs, taking a role with fewer hours and less responsibility. I did a course in Buddhism, got some chickens, volunteered with a charity that supports refugees, and spent quality time with family. Gradually, my mental health improved.

After a year, I felt more resilient, and we started trying again. I soon became pregnant with my second son.

Inevitably, that pregnancy was not a relaxing experience – I think the people around me were even more worried than I was. My mum came with me to an early scan and we cried with joy when there was a heartbeat. (Another misery of recurrent miscarriage: I’d got to the point where it didn’t feel worth asking my husband taking the time off work for a scan). 

Fortunately, the pregnancy was uneventful. The 20 week scan marked a turning point, and I started to feel normal again. In October 2016, after four years of trying, our lovely little boy was born. We were all overjoyed. 

Going through a miscarriage can feel so lonely – especially when we don’t normally talk about the early stages of pregnancy openly with family and friends. For me, talking about the grief in online support groups was a game changer. 

My heart and my head were so fragile that even the kindest and most well-intentioned friend or relative would inadvertently say something that would make me crumble.

At any given time there are many women suffering pregnancy loss. I found the love and solidarity among those women was a powerful and nurturing force. 

My miscarriages gave me an experience of how dark things can become for women who are going through this. I hope that by talking about what I experienced, it can show that this is not something you have to go through alone.

You can find support via the Miscarriage Association here.

Do you have a story that you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing aimee.cliff@metro.co.uk

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‘No cuppa for me, thanks.’

Get used to hearing those words next time you offer to get a tea or coffee round at work.

With lockdown restrictions easing around the country, some people have started going back to the office.

Socially distanced seating arrangements, staggered shift patterns and smaller teams are just part of the new normal.

But those are not the only changes we can expect to see. Office etiquette and culture may be changing too.

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A study conducted by print firm Solopress found that over a third (33%) of British workers don’t trust their colleagues to follow proper hygiene guidelines.

Pre-pandemic office regularities are now considered uncomfortable, with 44% of employees nervous about sharing equipment, communal spaces (35%) and bathrooms (30%) with fellow staff.

Where once a tea round was a necessary part of their nine to five, more than a quarter (27%) now feel uneasy about making hot drinks for their team members.

But perhaps it’s a good thing, considering how the role of the tea maker was often left with junior staff or women.

Anna Alexander, 37, tells us that one of her former managers always turned to the women in the office when he needed a drink.

She told Metro.co.uk: ‘In one job, my male boss would get all the young women to make his tea.

‘I wasn’t confident enough to speak up but when he told me “put the kettle on love” I did exactly that and walked off. When he asked where the tea was I told him I’d done what he asked and acted confused. He didn’t ask me again.’

Some women are now looking forward to being back in the office and not being asked to pop the kettle on for fear of germs and contamination.

Writer Charlotte is glad she won’t have to make a round or take a drink from someone offering when she’s back in the office.

She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘All it takes is for me to remember the state of our office kitchen to know that literally no one can be trusted when it comes to office hygiene.

‘Before this, normally, I would accept a drink from a round, but only because I claim a clean mug from the dishwasher first thing in the morning and then that’s my mug for the day.

‘After the pandemic, I think I’ll be the same as I’ve always been when I go back to work regarding the tea run. There’s only three or four of us on our section that tends to drink tea anyway so it’s normally not so bad.

‘I’ve always been a bit of an office mug clean freak – I think it’s a habit I picked up from my days as a scabby uni kid where we’d get into washing up wars and blame everyone else for the mess.

‘As long as the office sponge stays well away from my mug, then I’m fine. it always looks like it’s been obliterated or just randomly disappears for a couple of days – I don’t trust it.’

And it’s not just how hygienic their colleagues are that worried about – it’s their whole response to the pandemic.

The coronavirus outbreak has divided people into two camps – those who take it seriously and those who are a little more nonchalant or even apathetic.

31% of people do not trust their colleagues to take proper health and safety precautions in their own lives, according to a study by BCW, a global communications agency, alongside global insight consultancy, PSB.

These precautions can include wearing face masks, regularly washing, following social distancing guidelines.

And these are causing people to have reservations about being back in the office altogether – with 60% of staff feeling uncomfortable being back.

But others are looking forward to being back in the office – which is somewhat of a social playground, especially when you use the tea round as an opportunity to have a catch up with your work pals or throw ideas around.

Rebecca Moss, Digital PR Director at JBH the Digital PR Agency, can attest to this.

She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘I was chatting with my colleagues and they were talking about the tea round and how they have missed it while working from home – even if they would have to make eight brews at a time!

‘When it comes to hygiene, I do think we’ll lose the traditional brew round where one person makes multiple brews at once.

‘But, I do think this could be a positive thing. With more people getting up to make a solo cuppa, you’re more likely to get different people in the kitchen which could in turn drum up more social interaction between teams and colleagues who would never normally meet (at a safe distance of course!).

‘There’s something really mindful about getting away from the desk and doing something mundane that lets your ideas flow!’

Rebecca feels that tea breaks are essential, whether you’re making a cuppa for yourself or for your whole team.

But, she makes the distinction, that it’s different if it’s just your boss asking you to put the kettle on as there are unequal power dynamics at play.

She adds: ‘I think making tea for your colleague is very different to making tea for your boss. Making tea for and with your colleagues is a bonding experience – some of the best ideas my team and I have had have been discussed and dreamed up whilst waiting for the tea to brew.

‘Making tea for your boss feels like a power-play and I believe (certainly in the first year of my career) it was used to exert dominance – especially because my boss was male and I was a very junior (female) member of staff.’

Rebecca reckons that while the tea round may end, a different opportunity may arise from making single cups of tea or coffee.

She says: ‘I think nowadays, I would use tea-making in reverse – in order to get time in front of my boss and explain any ideas I had, I’m turning the tables!’

Tea-making can be a power play – especially when junior or female staff are expected to do it, they can also be wonderful opportunities to have a chinwag with your colleagues.

But in the aftermath of a global pandemic, the tea round is just one other thing that may be different to what it was.

You can either use it to your advantage – tell your boss you can’t make it in case you contaminate their mugs.

Or if you really miss a natter in the kitchen, perhaps you could take the gossip sesh to the toilet and wash your hands side-by-side instead.

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Email metrolifestyleteam@metro.co.uk to tell us more.

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There have been some pretty big things going on in the world over the last few weeks, but one of the events that’s confused and worried the internet is all about witches.

A recent viral tweet claimed that a group of ‘baby witches’ have banded together to hex the moon and the fae, with the rest of ‘witchtok’ up in arms.

If you’re feeling old right now, you’re not alone. Many of these terms and even the act itself are complete gibberish to the average person.

But why let a lack of understanding get in the way of a good drama? Especially when Metro.co.uk are here to help you understand your children and younger co-workers.

Here’s the lowdown on what these things mean and what happened.

What is WitchTok?

TikTok – despite being a platform open to everyone – is full of different groups, some of which cross over.

The algorithm on the video-sharing site prioritised content you’ve engaged with in the past, so you end up seeing a lot of the same kind of things based on what you’re already into.

There’s frog TikTok, lesbian TikTok, straight TikTok, and all manner of other squads, with the one in question being witch TikTok – or WitchTok.

On here you’ll find everything you might associate with witches, from people putting curses on their ex-boyfriends to sharing how to tell whether crystals are fake or not to easy tutorials for protection spells for your loved ones.

Modern witchcraft is having something of a renaissance right now, with many people trying to tap into different energies as a way to understand and potentially control an otherwise spiralling world.

There are no pointy hats or broomsticks, with many witches you might see ok TikTok looking into tarot, astrology, and the natural world as ways to ground themselves or influence the world around them.

What are baby witches?

As with any subculture, there are other subcultures within the overarching group of witches.

As explained by Twitter user Heyyadoraa (who told the world of the internal drama the WitchTok community was facing) baby witches are ‘inexperienced witches who should only be researching and doing protection work.’

Because witchcraft is so in tune with nature and forces, you’re not supposed to steam on in and start screwing with things before you fully know what you’re doing.

One mistake can – according to practising witches – make huge waves across the world. For example, hexing the moon or the fae (which we’ll speak about in a minute).

The babywitch hashtag on TikTok now has 418.1m views, with all different kinds of videos making an appearance.

Has the moon been hexed?

The drama itself is basically this: Some ‘baby witches’ (who some have claimed were just 12 years old) apparently hexed (put a bad spell on) the moon and the fae.

The fae are also known as the fair folk, and are mythical fairy-type creatures with the power to apparently steal your soul and curse your bloodline if you don’t respect them.

The goddess of the moon – Artemis – is allegedly not happy with this, and her twin brother, the god of the sun – Apollo – is also pissed.

As well as being the god of the moon, Apollo is also the god of health and medicine, and given that these same baby witches have also claimed to be planning on hexing the sun, the community are very keen to stop this madness.

Some well-established witches have said that there’s nothing to worry about, as it is impossible to hex the moon or deities, while another said: ‘The gods will take care of it. They are not hurt, just annoyed. They also won’t take some kid’s stupidity out on the entire human race.’

The anger within the witch community appears to have less to do with what they believe the after-effects will be, and a lot more to do with the fact that a craft they’ve studied for a long time is being misused by inexperienced or disrespectful people.

Nature is sacred among witches, so to try to screw with it is the ultimate sin. And witches are the last people we should be out there making angry.

Do you have a story you’d like to share?

Get in touch at MetroLifestyleTeam@metro.co.uk.

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