Brazillian Valentina Sampaio has had a modelling career full of firsts.

From being the first transgender Victoria’s Secret Angel to becoming the first ever trans Vogue cover model, she’s done so much in just 23 years.

The latest of these feats is being featured on the pages of Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit Edition, the first trans woman to ever do so.

Valentina shared the news on her Instagram page, saying: ‘I am excited and honored to be part of the iconic Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

‘The team at SI has created yet another groundbreaking issue by bringing together a diverse set of multitalented, beautiful women in a creative and dignified way.

‘I was born trans in a remote, humble fishing village in northern Brazil. Brazil is a beautiful country, but it also hosts the highest number of violent crimes and murders against the trans community in the world—three times that of the U.S.

‘Being trans usually means facing closed doors to peoples’ hearts and minds. We face snickers, insults, fearful reactions and physical violations just for existing.

‘Our options for growing up in a loving and accepting family, having a fruitful experience at school or finding dignified work are unimaginably limited and challenging.’

Editor in Chief MJ Day has been credited with bringing inclusivity to the iconic magazine, featuring plus-size model Ashley Graham in 2016 and hijabi model Halima Aden in 2019.

Day said of the casting of Valentina: ‘Our goal in selecting who we feature is centered around identifying some of the most inspiring, interesting, and multidimensional women that we can find.

‘We are deeply moved that Valentina was willing to put her trust in us. We didn’t think twice about wanting to amplify her voice and message and give her a platform to advocate from on behalf of her personal aspirations and the trans community.’

The Swimsuit Issue has been published by Sports Illustrated every year since 1964, with supermodels like Tyra Banks and Christie Brinkley gracing the pages over the decades.

Despite being predominantly a publication that advertises swimwear, over the last few years there’s been a focus on looking at issues like the Me Too movement, ageism, and mental health among other things.

Do you have a story you’d like to share?

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Welcome to Black Owned, a series that celebrates the brilliant Black entrepreneurs doing bits in the UK.

Despite the challenges, the community continues to create important and brilliant work – and we’re here to make sure that you know about it.

This week, we’ve got Carla Casadei, the co-founder of Young Vegans – the legendary plant-based pie shop responsible for improving the hungover lives of vegans all over north London (and the UK, if you order ahead of time online).

Unlike other new vegan companies, Brazilian Carla has largely kept herself separate from her brand’s image.

Why did you set up Young Vegans?

I began Young Vegans in 2015 after being fired from a job at a youth hostel. I was feeling incredibly depressed after my dismissal, so cooking became very therapeutic.

Experimenting with different ideas and the lack of 100% vegan restaurants made me think that there was a gap in the market that I could explore.

What barriers have you faced as a Black business owner in the UK?

Being Black and a foreigner were huge disadvantages. I lost events opportunities to trade with Young Vegans because I couldn’t connect to those influential people in the industry.

I’ve even chosen not to go to business meetings so that my British business partner could do the talking and no ‘cultural’ differences would get in our way.  

How do you come up with your pie recipes?

Pies are very undervalued and options can be boring, so I always like to have fun experimenting and producing unique concepts.

Our Cheeseburger Pie (one of our bestsellers on our online store) was created after identifying what everybody loves, deconstructing it and encasing it in buttery pastry. Also, pies tend to be seasonal in the UK but in other countries like Brazil, Australia and New Zealand, pies are eaten all year round – even on the beach, so we produce pies that can be consistently eaten regardless of the weather.

So it’s not actually that random to have a Brazilian in charge of a pie shop?

Nope! Pies are actually part of Brazilian cuisine but sadly we are just known for the meat restaurants, caipirinha and Carnaval!

Brazil is a very mixed country and we have a lot of European influences as well as a huge West African element (we created a limited-edition pie based on that idea, which we may well bring back). 

Young Vegans is known for its produce rather than its staff. Was that a conscious decison?

I always felt out of place and shy when it came to putting my face out there. English is not my first language and I was afraid of being judged for being Brazilian but not doing food from my country.

We would trade at events and I would misspell words on our menu board – imagine what could go wrong if I tried to communicate with a very British audience! I didn’t want to risk it. But, in hindsight, I was wrong.

Is it important to be visible as a Black business owner?

Yes, yes and yes! It is time to change history and empower black people to build their businesses.

I come from a family of cleaners and I finally have the power to choose my own path; I’m not forced to one type of profession.

Is the UK vegan scene diverse enough or is it still very white?

The food industry as a whole is very white. The top street food organisors display their culturally diverse food traders but their offices are most (or fully) white British – and about 80 per cent of them are men!

What advice do you have for other women looking to set up a business in London?

Don’t do it alone! Find a partner, a person that you trust and have different skills than you so you can create a strong foundation together.

Research the competition, be inspired by them, but create something that you own (be original!). Start small but don’t stop dreaming big. Oh, and always be persistent. 

Looking back, what do you wish you’d known about starting a business?

Don’t over complicate things by doing too much; focus on once concept and make it really good. The best things tend to be the simplest.

Be realistic with time frames. It will take a while to develop your products and food is a hard industry to break into, so be prepared to do a lot of hard work for very little money at the beginning.

The Young Vegans pie and pizza shops are not currently open but the online store runs 24/7 and delivers nationwide –  www.youngvegans.co.uk .

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Now house prices have dropped for the first time in eight years, many of us will be wondering if our dreams of ever owning a property may actually become reality.

We’re sure we don’t have to tell you this, but if you want a fighting chance of actually buying a home, London isn’t your best shot.

If you’re open to moving around the country, it’s worth getting to know the areas that Zoopla has determined are the most affordable places in the UK.

The property website has analysed average property prices alongside the average earnings of residents to come up with a list of the most affordable places to buy a home.

We repeat: this is not necessarily a list of the cheapest places around, but the most affordable, based not just on property prices but on how much you could expect to earn, too.

Shildon, in County Durham, tops the list, with an average property price of just £60,000, followed by Scotland’s town of Cumnock, East Ayrshire.

Shildon, which takes the top spot, is famous for its railway history and sits just 13 miles outside of Durham, making it an easy spot for city commuters keen to escape the hustle and bustle after work.

Of all the UK, England is the least affordable country to buy a home, at £100,000 more expensive on average than in Wales and Scotland. So if you’re willing to cross borders, you could save quite a bit.

If you have your heart set on a certain region, Zoopla also looked at the most affordable town in each area:

Commenting on the analysis, Tom Parker, consumer expert at Zoopla, said: ‘With the UK housing market opening up again, we know, now more than ever, that it’s important for buyers or potential buyers to know where they can get the most for their money when purchasing a property.

‘With budgets tighter than usual, we want to ensure that buying a property is still attainable – even during these unprecedented times.

‘Lockdown has resulted in a shift in the way we work, as more employers are allowing their employees to work from home for the foreseeable – and as a result, our property priorities are changing.

‘The desire for greater indoor and outdoor space and fewer people having to commute into the office means that the property field is larger and more achievable than ever before – so make use of the analysis and find out a suitable, but most importantly affordable, location to find your dream home.’

Anyone else planning to pack up and move to County Durham?

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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Sibusiso Vilane isn’t your typical mountaineer. Most notably, he says, because he is Black. 

Sibusiso, from South Africa, set out to turn the stereotypical image of the ‘white man mountaineer’ on its head.

After a late introduction to mountaineering at the age of 26, he went on to become the first Black man to summit Mount Everest and complete the Explorers Grand Slam, a remarkable challenge which involves climbing the highest mountain on each of the seven continents and to reach the North and South Poles.

The outdoorsman, who will celebrate his 50^th birthday this year, tells Metro.co.uk that the reason he never considered mountaineering as a child or teenager, is that ‘it’s just not something Black people do’.

He says: ‘Without any doubt, mountaineering is seen as a white man’s sport within the Black community.

‘In my opinion, many Black people don’t see climbing as an activity they want to be involved in. 

‘For instance, to us as Africans, these activities had always been associated with the rich and wealthy white people. 

‘So, this trend developed an attitude that made us say, “mountaineering is for white people, Black people don’t climb mountains or go to these cold places.”  

‘I know that there is more interest now within the Black community since I have been climbing and attitudes have started to shift.

‘But when people in my community think of the finances to afford these expeditions, some can be more than £50,000, this is yet another obstacle and the interest tends to die.’

Sibusiso thanks John Doble, a former British high commissioner based in Eswatini, for encouraging him to take up mountaineering.

They became friends while Doble was posted in Southern Africa and Sibusiso was working as a wildlife ranger in a nature reserve.

Recalling the encounter that would change the course of his life forever, Sibusiso says: ‘In 1996 I met John and accompanied him for a walk in a nature reserve. 

‘During the walk, we crossed rivers and scrambled on rocks a little. While doing all this, John was looking at me and thinking, “he is a fine climber and shows no fear”. He then commented, “Sibusiso you rock climb so well, it makes me wonder why there are not that many Black climbers.”  

‘He went to mention the fact that Everest hadn’t been climbed by an African and then asked: “If you had a chance to climb Mount Everest, would you do it?”

‘I felt it was a provocative question but I replied, “absolutely, it would be a delight”.’

With John’s help, both financially and as a mentor, Sibusiso started exploring the world of mountaineering.

He first tackled Africa’s highest peak, Kilimanjaro, before turning his attention to the chillier climbs of Mount Everest.

After months of training and preparation, on May 26, 2003, Sibusiso reached the ‘top of the world’ and from that moment, he was ‘hooked’.

He simply describes Mount Everest as a ‘daunting, menacing and frustrating’ peak to climb but that intimidating combination didn’t put him off venturing back for more.

He returned for a second summit from Everest’s tougher North side in 2005 and that’s when he found himself climbing alongside Sir Ranulph Fiennes, who inspired him to take on the Explorers Grand Slam Challenge. 

Sibusiso recalls: ‘I was with Sir Ranulph and he was being mentioned in the media at the time as one of the few people who had done the three poles on the planet, meaning Everest, and the North and South Poles. 

‘That gave me some ideas. So, off I went and thanks to the support of John Doble again, I went on to complete the seven summits while planning for my polar trips and getting the necessary sponsorship in place.

‘My first Everest summit was in 2003 and I finished the Grand Slam with the North Pole in 2012. It proved to be very difficult to raise expedition sponsorship but I am very grateful to John’s financial commitments and mentorship throughout.’

While exploring the world from some of its loftiest points, Sibusiso has ‘met all kinds of people; the wealthy, the poor, the humble, the arrogant’.

But ‘a sense of togetherness’ is one thing stands out, he says.

He says: ‘When we are on a mountain, we realise that we are simply human beings and share stories about each other’s lives and experiences. This is something that I’ve never seen happen at a shopping mall, for instance.’ 

Following his first Everest summit, Sibusiso left his job as a nature guide and took up mountaineering full-time, earning extra income running expeditions and giving inspirational talks about his epic feats. 

Over the years this work has helped support his family but now Sibusiso, like many people in the travel industry, faces an uncertain future due to the coronavirus pandemic.

‘Coronavirus has devastated me beyond recovery and everything has come to a grinding halt,’ the married father-of-four reveals.

‘Currently, I’m trying to figure out how to make a living and I still have two children to put through school.’

Coronavirus aside, asked what his dreams are for the future, Sibusiso scrambles for a foothold before replying: ‘I would love to inspire more Africans to dream of climbing big mountains. 

‘That is what I have been trying to push for since my first Everest summit. 

‘On the personal front, I have some big mountaineering ideas up my sleeve but I need to get lucky with sponsorship to turn these into reality.

‘For now, I am enjoying being with my family, running lots and reading books.’

To learn more about Sibusiso’s mountaineering activities, visit www.sibusisovilane.co.za.

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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A few months ago, the only real experience I had with dating apps was through friends as I messed around and swiped through their profiles. It seemed like an intriguing but daunting world, and one I didn’t necessarily see myself in.

My family is Muslim and strict about dating and boyfriends. It wasn’t something to be thought about until I was in my mid-20s and of a ‘marriageable age’, and even then it was restricted to coffee or maybe dinner dates – definitely no sleepovers. 

But having turned 25, I had been getting not so subtle hints from my mum about finding someone. In my Arab culture marriage is highly valued and seen as the start of a woman’s life. I don’t necessarily agree with this sentiment but I do want to meet someone. I figured it made sense to put myself out there, and with lockdown I had plenty of time on my hands.

I downloaded an app and initially chatted to both Muslim and non-Muslim men. Sharing a faith is important to me but I was curious; this was my first time on dating apps and I wanted to experience it all. It didn’t take me long to start noticing some differences between the two. 

Non-Muslim guys were, overall, quite blase about dating, playing the whole thing cool. There was a lot of small talk, a lot of casual messages, and replies would sometimes take days. Some were explicit in their profiles that they were just looking for some fun and nothing serious. 

What really stood out was their reaction and attitude when they realised I was Muslim, something I made sure was blatant in my profile. Some instantly unmatched with me.

Those that stuck around asked a lot of questions like ‘is it true you can’t have sex?’ or ‘if you’re Muslim, why don’t you wear a headscarf?’. I found myself spending a lot of time explaining my faith, which got boring pretty quickly.  

There were, of course, non-Muslim guys who were interesting and made the effort, but I didn’t want to date someone who has absolutely no clue about my faith and background, who would potentially need constant education.

In the end, I decided to filter my preferences to just Muslim men. At least there would be some common ground to start off with.  

I started swiping – and soon noticed something interesting about them, too. 

A lot alluded to marriage in their profiles, with phrases such as ‘looking for a wife’ or ‘I want someone who will make my house a home’.  

It was a real surprise – this never comes up when I talk to Muslim men in real life. It made me feel out of my depth and nervous about how much was at stake. Yes, I want to get married, but in a few years’ time. Would these guys even wait that long? 

After we matched, the conversation was much more intense and fast-paced than it had been with the non-Muslim men, almost like speed dating. One guy, Ali, jumped straight to questions about my future goals and what I wanted in a partner. 

It was like he was filtering out people so he wouldn’t waste any of his time. Another, Adam, wanted to talk about the position of women in society and how he didn’t believe in feminism. No small talk, nothing. His opening line was ‘isn’t feminism awful?’.

He presumably didn’t want to date a woman with ‘awful’ feminist views, so made sure to screen them out early. Conversations like this made up a significant proportion of my matches.

I came to be very wary of phrases such as ‘looking for a wife’. Women, as individuals, get lost in words like that – they didn’t exactly make me feel valued, and they made looking for love seem like a box-ticking exercise rather than the search for a proper connection.  

I felt that Muslim men clearly take dating more seriously than their non-Muslim counterparts. Maybe they feel the same pressure to get married as Muslim women do? Or perhaps they think the onus is on them; I do think that men are generally expected to be the more dominant gender in my culture. 

However, perhaps the biggest shock was that I was receptive to their approach. Small talk can be a good thing to get conversations going but I’ve realised that I actually like it when men just get right to it. 

It gives me the opportunity to bring up topics or questions that I might have previously been reluctant to delve into, such as politics, family and children. I’ve seen some of the women in my family give up their dreams and careers because it was one of their husband’s caveats to marriage and I don’t want the same for me. 

Apart from the likes of Adam, I found most Muslim men were open to discussions on what equality in a relationship would look like.

Having these conversations early on also helped me gauge if there were red flags from the get go (instead of finding out six months down the line) and it made it a lot easier for me to work out what I wanted in a person. The expectations were clearer for everyone.

Lockdown has meant that I haven’t had the chance to go on any physical dates yet, but I have potential ones in the works. I’m hopeful that when some form of normality resumes, I’ll start meeting the men I’ve connected with.

For now, I’m going to keep my focus on Muslim men, which my parents will be happy to hear. This pressure to do so annoyed me when I was younger but having a partner my mum and dad approve of has become increasingly important to me.

I have also broadened my understanding that love is about seeing parts of yourself within another person and for me, this includes my faith. I want to share my life with someone I can talk about it with. 

Love is tricky to navigate at the best of times without throwing religion into the mix. In time, I hope I’ll be able to root out the guys who are looking for the idea of it, rather than a person to fall in love with.

Last week in Love Or Something Like It: How my lover, my boyfriend and I made it through lockdown

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Following the killing of George Floyd, the Black Lives Matter movement has provoked global change, prompting a reckoning across all areas of celebrity and business.

In response to calls for change, Sweaty Betty has announced changes to their product names, many of which formerly featured Sanskrit words.

Across the internet there have been many criticisms of the whitewashing of yoga, a practice that originated in India but is now often fronted by slim white women.

As part of this backlash, Sweaty Betty has been called out for the names of some of their sportswear designed for yoga and pilates. Yesterday they announced the immediate change of these product names, calling this move ‘just the beginning’.

On Instagram the brand explained that the Simhasana Sweatshirt would become the All Day Sweatshirt, the Prana Yoga Bra will now be the Foundation Seamless Yoga Bra, the Garadusana Yoga Pants will now be the Gary Yoga Pants, the Brahma Yoga Bra will be the Strappy Back Seamless Bra, the Dharana Yoga Top will be the Dynamic Seamless Yoga Top, and the Namaste Yoga Bra will be the Mindful Yoga Bra.

Sweaty Betty said: ‘We are focusing on making positive changes + these new product names are just the beginning. Please note, all of these products have been renamed online, but our swing tickets take longer, so these will be updated very soon.⠀

‘Originating in India thousands of years ago, the benefits of yoga on the mind and body are now enjoyed worldwide. This means that many of us have unconsciously adopted a culture without acknowledging where these practices have come from. While continuing to experience the joy of yoga, it is important to celebrate and honour its origins to both deepen your own practice and be mindful of its sacred roots.⠀

‘After further educating ourselves on this, we’ve made the decision to rename some of our products where Sanskrit words were used in the wrong context. Our previous names included Brahma, the name of a Hindu God and Namaste, a sacred greeting. Separated from their sacred foundations, this felt insensitive and we felt it was inappropriate to sell products using these culturally important words.⠀

‘Renaming these products with more appropriate names is the first step on our journey and part of a wider conversation. We will be sharing our next steps soon…’

On their Instagram stories, the brand added that they have been ‘educating’ themselves about the cultural appropriation of yoga, and pointed followers to their blog post on this subject, where they promoted the work of educators and yogis. ⠀

Reaction to the decision to change the product names has been mixed.

While many have applauded Sweaty Betty for taking steps to address the issue of cultural appropriation in yoga, the comments section of the Instagram post where they announce this has a few messages calling the new names ‘dull’.

‘I buy them because of the yoga names…’ wrote one commenter.

Another asked: ‘Does this mean a white person shouldn’t do yoga?’

Overwhelmingly, though, the reaction has been positive – although some find the name ‘Gary’ for a pair of yoga pants quite funny.

‘Well done, so proud of every little step,’ wrote a yoga instructor in the comments.

Another said: ‘A great first step’.

Do you have a story to share?

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In December 2018, Anna Rachel Gray woke up, went to the toilet, and was unable to pee.

She hasn’t urinated since.

Anna, 22, has Fowler’s Syndrome, a rare condition that means she retains urine and is unable to pass it due to the bladder’s sphincter muscle’s failure to relax.

Fowler’s affects young women and up to half of the patients affected have polycystic ovaries.

Anna, from Bath, says that up until the day she suddenly couldn’t pee, she had been absolutely fine.

She tells Metro.co.uk: ‘The previous day had been completely fine! The first symptom was that I couldn’t wee – no matter how hard I tried and then, despite drinking water regularly, sitting in the bath for prolonged periods of time and listening to the sound of running water, I was unable to go.

‘This went on for five days.’

After not peeing for 24 hours, Anna called her doctor and explained what was going on. The GP offered to prescribe her laxatives, but told her there was ‘nothing else they could do’.

She continued: ‘I tried to explain that laxatives wouldn’t be helpful but they didn’t seem to understand what I was trying to say. I then called the next day and was met with the same response.

‘On the fifth day of experiencing symptoms I ended up calling 111 and was given a doctor’s appointment.’

When Anna finally saw the GP, the first thing she was told was that ‘things like this don’t happen to people your age’. She says she was told there was nothing they could do to help, as they ‘couldn’t believe’ that someone wouldn’t be able to wee for five days.

‘I was sent to A&E reluctantly where, again, it was difficult to get doctors to believe me’, she said.

‘They said that I must have been able to go to the toilet and that I was probably misremembering things.’

Anna explains: ‘By the time I ended up in A&E I was barely able to walk due to the pain. My bladder was extremely distended and sore – it was also pressing on other organs which was causing a lot of pain.’

Anna had her bladder scanned in A&E and was told that she had over one litre of urine in it, which is the highest that the scanner can detect – so she was catheterised straight away.

‘It was instant relief,’ she tells us. ‘I’ve never had children but the only way I could describe the pain was like I was in labour and being stabbed in the bladder.

‘Usually your bladder has a maximum capacity of around 500/600ml comfortably and so I had almost four times that when I was eventually catheterised.’

Anna was officially diagnosed with Fowler’s Syndrome in October 2019.

She has had a Foley catheter inserted into her bladder for a year, ever since she was first catheterised, and has been taught to self-catheterise, which Anna says ‘is where you put a catheter in yourself every time you need to go to the toilet’.

However, Anna says she found this ‘too difficult mentally’, so decided that a permanent catheter was more suited to her.

She said: ‘I find having a catheter extremely uncomfortable – especially after it has been replaced. I usually have mine changed every two weeks as I experience a lot of bladder spasms which can force the catheter out of my bladder – this is very painful and frustrating.

‘As well as this, sometimes the end will come off the catheter (I have mine on a flip-flo valve so my bladder still fills up as normal) and this leads to the catheter obviously leaking everywhere – due to things like this I am very self conscious when going out and avoid busy places because I worry that it has the potential to leak.

‘My friends and family have been very understanding though.

‘I also experience a lot of infections – a catheter is not supposed to be a long term solution and as it is a foreign body it can lead to frequent UTIs. There have been times where I have been on antibiotics more than I have been off them in a month. I am waiting for a suprapubic catheter which should hopefully be a better solution for me.’

Anna is not currently dating and her sex life is on hold due to the catheter.

She says that when she has her suprapubic catheter – where a hollow flexible tube is used to drain urine from the bladder, by being inserted into the bladder through a cut in the tummy – she might be able to have some ‘normality’ back.

Sadly, Anna’s mental health has suffered drastically ever since she was first diagnosed.

‘It turned my life upside down’, she said.

While in hospital due to her condition, Anna’s mental health continued to deteriorate and she was admitted to a mental health hospital, where she stayed for three months.

She continued: ‘This was absolutely terrifying for me – I have worked as a Healthcare Assistant on psychiatric wards in the past but none of that prepared me for actually being a patient myself.

‘All of a sudden the cards were flipped – I was on one-to-one care for most of my time in the general hospital and had no bathroom privacy at all.

‘I found this difficult for two reasons I guess – the first one being that I struggle with my body image a lot and so having to be watched in the shower was something I found really hard.

‘And secondly because of the catheter – staff members would ask questions and I just felt extremely self conscious about the whole thing.

‘Being sectioned under the mental health act was something I never imagined happening to me.

‘I didn’t believe I needed to be in hospital – I felt that I wasn’t sick enough to justify that.

‘I will never forget the time I waited after my assessment – it felt like an absolute age. And then when they came and told me I had been sectioned I couldn’t believe it.

‘I broke down in tears – all I wanted was to be allowed home but here I was, legally stuck in the hospital and knew that the police would bring me back should I try to leave.’

Anna says that looking back, it’s ‘crazy’ to think that she ‘spiralled’ as a result of not being able to control her bladder condition.

But one thing she has learned from being in the hospital for such a long period of time is that it ‘isn’t a bad thing to ask for help’ – and that she was deserving of support.

‘It also helped me to realise how much things had slipped – I don’t think I was really aware of this,’ she said.

Anna was discharged from the psychiatric ward last year, and has become much more stable. She has a great support team around her and her family have all been ‘amazing’ as well.

Though she is managing well, Anna does experience frequent infections from the catheter, and has been on lots of antibiotics as a result. She also takes medication to try to control her bladder spasms.

Anna is now just waiting for a suprapubic catheter to be inserted. She’s on a waiting list but unfortunately the procedure has been delayed due to the coronavirus.

She has had a trial of Sacral Nerve Stimulation to see if it helped her regain some of her bladder function, but it wasn’t successful. However, it did reduce her pain levels and her spasms were almost eliminated completely.

Anna said: ‘Coronavirus has impacted this as it is not an emergency procedure – I am lucky that I had my trial just before the lockdown but everything since then has been delayed.

‘I am worried about it – I’ve never had surgery before and so I think a lot of it is the unknown. That and that I will wake up with a tube coming out my stomach which will be my new normal! I think that will take time to get used to.

‘As far as my understanding is – it is likely I will struggle with retention for life. There is no evidence to suggest that it will get better although I guess as time goes on and it hopefully becomes more researched and well understood that this will change!

‘I’m hoping that the surgery will allow me to lead a more ‘normal’ life and better pain management. Which for me would be a huge thing after two years of things being tipped on their head.’

The main thing Anna would like people to know about the condition is that it affects ‘every aspect of your life’.

‘The pain can be unbearable and debilitating and it is never something that I, or any other sufferers, would want to lie about,’ she said.

‘I never thought I would be in the position and wish that I had never taken my ability to be able to go to the toilet naturally for granted.

‘I would love for doctors to be more educated in the condition – when I speak to the nurses or GP even now I get asked why I have a catheter and it is almost surprising to them. The condition is rare – but it still affects more people than you might think.’

She adds: ‘To anyone else who is suffering – I am sorry. Sorry that you have to go through this day in day out, sorry that it often feels like there is never an end in sight and sorry that there is no concrete cure or solution.

‘If you ever experience symptoms of urinary retention then please see your GP or local hospital because it is a medical emergency.’

Do you have a story to share?

Get in touch by emailing MetroLifestyleTeam@Metro.co.uk.

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People have reportedly been cracking their way into communal hand sanitiser stations so that they can drink the gel inside, which contains a potentially lethal mix of chemicals and alcohol.

Dispensers in places such as South Shields, South Tyneside have been broken into, with vandals putting the gel into bottles so it can be drunk.

These hand gel stations have been made with a view to helping people keep safe from coronavirus but while the gel can save lives and kill germs when applied externally, if consumed, hand sanitiser can be highly dangerous.

Worryingly, York-based company BusinessWaste.co.uk have been tasked with dgetting rid of thousands of damaged gel containers every week.

Director Mark Hall spoke to the Independent on the matter, saying: ‘It’s happening all over the place, pretty much everywhere. We take these away for councils and businesses, and we’re seeing so many damaged you wouldn’t believe.

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‘It’s mindless idiocy. This stuff is 80% proof with who knows what other chemicals inside. Do not drink it.’

While actions like this suggest extreme foolishness or and/or terrible addiction in the perpetrators, it bears repeating that you should not under any circumstances drink hand sanitiser.

Not only is the alcohol content high enough for you to overdose before you even start to feel drunk, but the other chemicals that make up hand gel are not remotely fit for human consumption

As if that wasn’t bad enough, there’s often no way to tell exactly how toxic the ingredients of communal hand gels are.

According to Sciencenotes.org: ‘Two types of alcohol are used in alcohol-based hand sanitisers. The most common type contains between 60% and 95% ethanol (ethyl alcohol or grain alcohol).

‘This type of hand sanitiser can get you buzzed or drunk, but it’s the equivalent to 120-proof liquor. In contrast, vodka is 80-proof.’

The webpage adds: ‘The other type of alcohol-based hand sanitiser contains isopropyl alcohol (isopropanol or rubbing alcohol).

‘This kind of alcohol is toxic and can cause brain damage, blindness, kidney damage, and liver damage.’

However, the ingredient with the potential to be the most toxic will often be listed as just ‘fragrance’, because said scents are often made using petrochemicals.

So please, we implore you, do not drink hand sanitiser.

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By now, we hope you all have a stash of face masks to wear whenever you head out and about.

But while wearing a face covering may give you a glow of pride for doing the right thing, those of us who wear glasses will have noticed a more annoying side-effect: glasses fogging up every time you wear a mask.

The face-mask-glasses-combo fogging effect happens when warm breath escapes from the top of our face masks and lands on the cooler lenses of our glasses, which creates condensation.

Worry not – and please don’t ditch the face masks in rage. There are ways to stop this foggy phenomenon in its tracks.

Tighten the fit

Often warm breath is being puffed out of the top of your face mask because it’s too loose.

If you can adjust the straps so the face mask sits flush against you face, do that – or there are plenty of tricks for ensuring a tight fit.

Get a mask with a nose strip

Another way to sort out the flow of air and ensure a proper fit is to choose a mask with a bendy nose strip that you can mould around your nose.

Again, this will stop warm breath escaping out of the top and hitting your lenses.

Tape it down

Another twist on this approach is using tape, which is an option taken by lots of ER doctors.

Put on your mask then tape it down across the bridge of your nose and across your cheeks.

Perhaps test the tape on another part of your body, first, so you don’t end up yowling in pain as you rip of your top layer of skin once you return inside.

Lower your mask

Try moving your face mask a touch lower, so there’s more space between the edge of your mask and your glasses. This means warm breath has a chance to disperse before it hits your lenses.

Just make sure that your mask still covers your nose and mouth, otherwise it’s pointless.

Or pull it up

Another option is to slightly pull your mask upwards, so the top edge sits underneath your glasses and they go on top to hold it in place.

Again, this allows your warm breath to escape without hitting your lenses.

Wash your glasses in soap and water

Apparently this is another favourite trick of medical staff.

The soap acts as a surfactant that leaves a thin film to prevent fog.

Right before you wear a face mask, wash your glasses with soapy water, shake off the excess, then let them air dry. Pop ’em on and they now should be immune to fog.

Buy anti-fog wipes or spray

These work in pretty much the same way as soapy water, creating a thin film to stop fog in its tracks.

Amazon sells an anti-fog glasses spray for £8.52.

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If you don’t fancy venturing to the pub (we don’t blame you), don’t resign yourself to drinking alone.

There’s a van you can book to drive to you, set up shop outside your home for 30 or 90 minutes, and pour out cocktails on tap for you and five of your pals.

Liberation Cocktails is the brand behind this genius operation, launching the Cocktail Cruiser back in June to help out people missing the boozy bar experience.

Here’s how it works.

First, you’ll need to be living in – or have a friend who lives in – one of these postcodes in London: W, W, SW, TW, KT, UB, HA

Sorted that bit? That means you can then book the van through Whatsapp or email for a minimum of a 30-minute happy hour any time between 12pm and 9pm, Wednesday to Sunday.

The minimum purchase to book is £90, which gets you 12 cocktails for a 30-minute happy hour.

If you and your pals manage to get through all those, you can buy more cocktails for £7.50 each. If you buy two, you get an extra 10 minutes of service time.

Your happy hour offering includes service from your bartender, – who of course wears a face mask and gloves and asks that you maintain your distance – glassware, and your cocktails.

The cocktails available on tap are: Aperol Spritz, Espresso Martini, Passionfruit Spritz, Mojito and Strawberry Daquiri.

All this allows for the perfect doorstep party or front garden gathering for you and your pals, with dreamy cocktails and the proper pub garden experience without the stress of actually having to go to the pub and be around drunk people who aren’t so great at social distancing.

If you’re keen to book a van visit in, you can do so through the Liberation Cocktails website.

Cheers to that.

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The coronavirus pandemic has a seen a dramatic rise in the number of Brits planning staycations for the months ahead.

But once lockdown ends and flights are back on the cards, we’re looking forward to heading out abroad to farflung destinations – and are already planning our 2021 holidays.

Where are we thinking of heading? It’s all about the beach, according to research travel company Kuoni, who analysed Google search data to figure out the top destinations people from the UK and beyond are keen to visit next year.

Their research shows that for people from the UK, it’s The Maldives that take the number one spot for dream holiday destinations, followed by Mexico and then Bali.

For people outside the UK, dream holiday locations are a touch different, with the United Arab Emirates the top choice globally, followed by Qatar, then the US, then Canada, and finally Egypt.

Dean Harvey, marketing director at Kuoni, said: ‘With various stages of lockdown still the case for many places around the world, it’s not surprising that lots of us are wanting to book something to look forward to.

‘It’s fascinating to see how popular destinations differ from country to country and the upturn in Google searches matches the upturn in 2021 bookings we’ve seen in recent weeks, with Maldives holidays being booked the most.’

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The topic of shower sex is deeply divisive.

While some think it’s a wonderful way to start the day others believe it’s the absolute worst, pointing to the difficulty of getting off when you’ve got soap in your eyes and your feet keep sliding around on the floor.

But could the naysayers simply not have tried the proper positions?

There are certain ways of doing shower sex that make it easier, safer, and more pleasurable.

Thankfully, Mia Sabat, sex therapist at Emjoy, is here to help us out with four shower sex positions that do the trick.

Stand and deliver

Also known as standing doggy style, this one is best done with a non-slip bath mat to ensure you don’t slip right over and knock your head on your shampoo bottles. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

One person is in front, with their back to their partner, with both parties’ feet firmly planted on the floor.

The person in front bends at the waist until their head is pointing towards the ground – they can rest their hands on the wall in front or on the sides of the bathtub for additional support.

The person behind then holds their partner’s hips and enters from behind.

Mia recommends the person in front uses their hands or the showerhead for extra stimulation manual, such as focusing on the clit (if they have one).

The wraparound

Mia explains: ‘This position involves both of you standing, facing each other, with one person leaning against the nearest wall for support (make sure to angle the showerhead away from your faces and on to your bodies for this to work).

‘Then, the wall partner ‘wraps’ one leg around the behind of the other to pull them closer.

‘Sexy, steamy and intimate – with a lower risk of falling over.

‘Not only does this position allow for over the top sensations and deeper penetration, but it enables you and your partner to be even more passionate and intimate, as you can kiss and caress one another while face-to-face – a truly perfect way to make shower sex even steamier!’

On your knees

This is an oral sex position, because that’s just as lovely in the shower.

‘The key to this position is making sure that whoever is receiving oral sex is standing, with the shower stream hitting their back – to shield the person who’s giving pleasure from any unwanted distractions,’ says Mia.

‘From there, the giver can squat, kneel or take any other position that allows them to pleasure their partner. Make the room hot and steamy for this, to ensure the person on the giving end doesn’t get too cold.’

The caboose

One person sits on the floor, with their hands behind them, then the other sits on top.

‘This position means you’ll both be getting wet with the water coming from above,’ says Mia. ‘Perfect for a partner that enjoys watching you when you’re on top.’

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Makeup artist and entrepreneur Ivana Kostova, 24, has spent more than £10,000 trying to tackle the acne she’s experienced since her teens.

But nothing worked – until she went vegan and saw her problem skin quickly clear up.

Ivana, from London, started developing spots when she was 11, but soon noticed her acne was worse than that of her classmates.

Desperate to help Ivana better about her skin, her parents spent over £10,000 on acne treatments, including weekly sessions with dermatologists at £50 a pop, £200 chemical peels, pricey skincare products, topical creams, and antibiotics.

She also tried going on acne medication Accutane, but found it didn’t work for her long-term.

‘Accutane helped me for a period of time – it cleared my skin for four months – but there were so many crazy side effects,’ Ivana said.

‘My skin became so dry that I was shedding like a snake every two weeks. I had styes on my eyes for four-months and I experienced very bad depression which had never happened to me before.

‘What I had wasn’t considered “normal” when I was a teenager. I was the only person in my school with acne that was at such a bad stage. At that age, you feel like it’s the end of the world.

‘By fourteen, my life revolved around my skin. I would beg my mum not to send me to school because of how bad and painful my skin was.

‘My parents helped me in any way they could. We spent thousands on skincare and treatments.

‘Boys were always making fun of me so I began wearing makeup when I was thirteen.’

Change came in 2014, when Ivana decided to change her diet.

She became vegan, upped how much water she drank, and tried out intermittent fasting, and soon noticed her acne cleared up.

Now a makeup artist, she’s able to use makeup as a way to express her creativity rather than covering up.

‘I no longer have to hide behind retouched images of myself,’ Ivana said. ‘After years of trying different treatments for my skin, I decided to completely change my lifestyle and habits. I studied how our mind is connected to our gut health.

‘That led me to becoming vegan for a year and I started to implement intermittent fasting, which I swear by.

‘I used to only drink one glass of water a day – now I can’t imagine not drinking my three-litres.

‘I also figured out that moisturiser was not my enemy and I stopped wearing foundation when I was 21. This was a five-year process.’

Ivana also discovered the skin positivity community online and began sharing photos of her acne with her followers in an attempt to break down the shame around imperfections.

She now hopes to inspire others to embrace and take care of their skin, and to feel confident rather than needing to cover up.

‘I was hesitant to post pictures at first but once I did, it was such a relief,’ says Ivana. ‘The community is always there to welcome people in and give advice or uplifting support.

‘We have to challenge the beauty industry on the example that we set for girls and women. The looks we see in magazines aren’t achievable by any means.

‘It’s time we see real people with real skin and bodies – we need to uplift people for being unique.’

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Pre-coronavirus, one in two consultations at my doctor’s surgery were about mental health.

But while we’ve made headway in reducing the stigma around this topic, there is still a big challenge ahead, as most of the patients I saw were women.

Despite many high profile male mental health campaigns over the years, sadly men continue to be hesitant to talk about the issue.

Guys of all backgrounds are, on average, a third less likely to seek medical help than women – and BAME men even less so. With so many in denial about their emotional wellbeing, coming to us only when it’s nearly too late, GPs like myself often feel like men’s mental health is a ticking time bomb.

It’s a worrying trend, given the leading cause of death in men under 50 is suicide.

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Numerous factors contribute to why they won’t open up, including concerns about confidentiality or the implication of mental health disclosures staying on ‘the permanent record’.

Studies also demonstrate that racism and discrimination, experienced more by BAME populations, can lead to the development of long-term emotional issues.

For young males, ongoing values of machismo play a big role too. Some BAME cultures endorse harmful ideals of traditional masculinity – of the importance of stoicism, of being seen as the unbreakable provider without weakness.

Even BAME faith communities can hold dangerous traditional views – for example, some believe depression is caused by weak faith or incurring God’s anger. 

There’s also the thinking that because depression isn’t visible it simply isn’t real. It speaks volumes that the word ‘depression’ doesn’t exist in many South Asian languages. The closest equivalent phrase means ‘long-term psychotic type condition’.

I recently had an Asian man calling my GP practice every few weeks without any obvious reason. We discussed London lockdown life, the postponement of the Premier League, even our shared concerns around toilet paper shortages – anything but actual medical issues.

The frequency of his calls didn’t feel right, so I reached out and had a frank discussion about my concerns and my patient told me he was ashamed to say he had significant anxiety and depression symptoms. He said he didn’t feel like a ‘real man’.

I was able to reassure him that the real shame would have been in not speaking up at all and together we were able to put a plan in place to support him. This example highlights the complexity of addressing mental health in BAME men – there are so many challenges.

Covid-19 has added an extra hurdle for doctors trying to diagnose mental health issues.

Video consultations have reduced our ability to read between the lines and interpret body language, and use our GP spidey-senses to work out whether something’s not as it seems.

Lockdown and social distancing have also put financial pressures on BAME households and husbands, who often hold traditional breadwinning roles, have had to deal with a great mental health burden.

Covid-19 has also removed – albeit sometimes unhelpful – male coping mechanisms like escaping to the office, exercising at the gym or watching sport, and has cut us off from our social support networks.

These changes, combined with a pre-pandemic resistance to seeking help, make BAME males particularly vulnerable.

Research also shows that matching patients with therapists of the same ethnicity, language or cultural background improves outcomes with mental health therapy

The good news is there has been progress in supporting men’s mental health in general, such as the Heads Up campaign, which has focused on male-dominant activities like football.

As part of the campaign, the start of third-round FA cup matches were delayed by 60 seconds to successfully encourage 87,000 fans to fill out online mental health quizzes and create personalised ‘Mind Plans’ to improve their mental wellbeing.

Then there is the well-known Movember movement, which encourages men to grow their facial hair to raise money and awareness for men’s physical and mental health causes.

Innovative ideas like this are needed to target the challenging problems facing BAME men. For instance, men respond well to activity and exercise-based therapy, especially with peers. Perhaps we should move towards group-based therapy to help BAME men better engage with mental their health.

Research also shows that matching patients with therapists of the same ethnicity, language or cultural background improves outcomes with mental health therapy – and I truly believe that a tailored approach like this could prove hugely beneficial.

Getting cultural and religious centres to start a dialogue and normalise mental health can be powerful tools too, as well as training community members to provide support from within. Enlisting the vocal support of religious scholars and revered community members, for instance, may encourage stoical elderly men to seek help.

Meanwhile, the support and endorsement of prominent UK BAME figures could ensure the younger generations feel emboldened to speak up about their struggles.

We have to bring mental health into the 21st century, utilising technology to mitigate the male challenge of verbally communicating their problems.

It’s great to see some organisations addressing this, such as the Shout Crisis Text Line, the UK’s first 24/7 text service, which is free on all major mobile networks for anyone in crisis, anytime, anywhere.

To anyone reading this who is suffering, rest assured that we, your GPs and allied healthcare professionals, are always here to support you with whatever you need – mental health or otherwise.

I’ve seen the tragic consequence of what happens when BAME men don’t speak up about their problems and the heartbreak it causes the families they leave behind – and I promise you it’s not worth it.

Whatever you do, don’t bottle it up – there are solutions, but we can only help if we know there’s a problem in the first place.

Do you have a story you’d like to share?

Get in touch by emailing jess.austin@metro.co.uk

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When Julie Hindsley and her husband Daniel discovered they were expecting a baby, they threw a huge gender reveal party with blue balloons and blue cake.

But six years later, the parents, from Texas, realised that their declaration that they were having a boy wasn’t the truth.

Their daughter had come out as trans, telling mum Julie: ‘I want to be a girl! Just make me a girl!’

To honour their child, who now goes by Ella, the parents decided to throw a second gender reveal party, even posing as a family for a photoshoot to celebrate Ella’s gender.

Julie, 33, and Daniel, 37, noticed that as their baby grew up, she was completely different to their eldest son, Grant, and loved playing dress-up in Julie’s clothes and makeup.

Julie, who works as a nurse, and her husband Daniel, a lineman, thought Ella, now six, would eventually grow out of it and encouraged her to play sports such as baseball and tried to get her interested in her other toys.

However, when Ella threw her fists down in frustration, Julie knew that her child was transgender and took the family to counselling to try to find the best solution.

Mum Julie said: ‘For our first gender reveal, we had all of our closest friends and family come together at a local restaurant that I worked at at the time. We had a cake pop stand and we bit into the cake pops to reveal the gender – it was bright blue inside.

‘I was so shocked that we were having another boy because everyone thought it would be a girl – including me. I knew there was going to be a lot of people disappointed but I was relieved because I already had a boy.

‘Ella was born in April 2014 and was completely different from her big brother from the get-go.

‘When she began talking and expressing herself, I realised there was more to it. She would talk about wanting hair as long as mine and wanting to wear the same clothes as me.

‘I started noticing that she didn’t want to play with any toys she had, and at one of my niece’s birthday parties she got super excited over the toys and wouldn’t leave them alone.

‘I told my husband we should get her a doll and maybe she will play with that. My husband bought her her first doll when she was two and she was so excited.

‘We didn’t want to encourage anything too much either way so we just introduced it slowly – my husband began worrying we were getting her too many girly toys.’

Ella, now six, first told her mum she was a girl when she was just four years old.

Julie was shocked but tried to offer support by letting Ella grow out her hair. It took a while for her to accept that her child was transgender, however.

‘I just knew that she was transgender because of all of the other little things throughout her whole life that led up to that moment – but I tried to appease her and said we can grow out your hair if that’s what makes you happy,’ said the mum.

‘She would call herself sister a lot and my son would call her his brother and I had to tell him to stop correcting her – I didn’t want her to think something was wrong with how she felt, but I still was not ready to say the word transgender just yet.’

The family’s counsellor helped the parents to understand Ella’s gender identity and helped them to adjust.

‘They told us that hardly any children change their minds about their gender identity after this age when they are consistent, insistent, and persistent about it like she was – and that letting them be the gender they identify as was the best thing for their mental health,’ said Julie.

‘We talked to her and asked if she would want to start first grade as a girl and she got super excited and said yes – the process of transitioning began at the end of last year.

‘In February, one of the nurses at her school said we should let her wear what she wants to wear. I took her shopping and she started wearing what she wanted.

‘By March, we were using she and her pronouns and she chose the name Ella. This was around the time coronavirus hit so she got to transition at home which was really good for her.

‘There’s no more fighting or bargaining with her; she’s been a lot happier since it happened, like a brand new kid.’

To celebrate Ella’s joy at being able to live authentically, Julie and Daniel threw a second gender reveal party this year, now their daughter is six years old.

Julie says Ella is so much happier since being able to transition socially and go by female pronouns.

‘Now, I would recommend waiting until a child is born, and a couple of years old, before having a gender reveal or be prepared that it might change,’ the mum advises other parents.

‘We were in denial for a long time about it until we finally learnt how to let go of our son and accept our daughter.’

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Exactly how much money do you need to be satisfied with what you’re earning?

According to research from Raisin UK, it’ll take a salary of £33,864 to make you happy.

That’s the minimum, to be clear. Any bosses reading don’t need to give people paycuts in a misguided attempt to make them happier.

It’s worth noting that this salary is the amount the research declares will make British people happy, not everyone around the world.

Researchers analysed data from the ONS and Happy Planet Index to see where around the UK people are happiest and how much the happiest people in those areas earn, to figure out how much money you need to be happy in each spot.

Then they created an average salary of the cities in the UK where money most impacts people’s happiness – Cambridge, St Albans, Chelmsford, Perth, Edinburgh, Derby and Bath all made the list.

The average salary of those top ten cities was £33,864, which Raisin claims suggests people in the UK are happiest if they are earning over £30k.

Interestingly, though, that changes quite a bit when you go global, with the average salary of the top ten happiest countries in the world coming in at £64,057.28.

The research also looks at the places where money can make you happiest, and where happiness and wealthiness are in equal supply. You can take a look at the results over on the Raisin website.

Kevin Mountford, Co-Founder of Raisin UK, said: ‘While our research suggests money can buy happiness it’s not always the case in real life when put into action.

‘Money does help ease the stresses of daily life which could mean a longer life expectancy in the long-term.

‘Using the Raisin UK does money buy happiness research can help you decide which city across the UK and country in the world to live in to be the happiest you possibly can.’

But while Raisin seems to suggest that people move to different towns and cities depending on where money will make them happiest, it might be better to simplify things.

What’s likely the case is that the amount of money that makes you happy very much depends on what you need to take care of your basic needs – and those more luxurious desires. If you live in a more expensive city, you’ll need more money to be happy, because it’s quite difficult to be satisfied with your life if you’re struggling to pay rent.

Chasing a specific salary that’s the average payrate of happy people probably isn’t the wisest choice. Everyone’s different, and what matters to you is of little importance to someone else. Plus, previous research suggests sleep and sex are more effective in boosting your happiness than money, anyway.

It probably is true that a salary of £30k-plus means you’re likelier to be happy – but considering the average salary in the UK is £29,009, this feels pretty obvious. If you’re above the average, you’re more likely able to take care of your basic needs of food and shelter.

Also key in your happiness related to money: do you feel like you’re being adequately compensated for your work? Do you think you’re being paid fairly? Do you feel appreciated, recognised, and like what you’re doing is important?

The answers to all those questions will likely have an impact on how happy you are related to how much you earn.

But this research does serve as a decent reminder: people are happier when they’re not being eaten up by the struggle to survive. Decent salaries are key to our wellbeing.

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Are you in a lockdown baking routine rut?

If you’re stuck for inspiration and fed up with banana bread, it’s time to try something new – like Biscoff blondies.

Not only does the result look delicious, but the recipe is also super easy and only requires six ingredients – most of which you likely already have in your kitchen cupboard.

The sweet treat was shared on Instagram by Clare Cooks Food and has since become a smash hit with her followers, with many people requesting the recipe.

Thankfully, we have it right here for you.

Ingredients

• Two or three sweet potatoes
• Two tbsp coconut flour (can be substituted with regular flour)
• 40g white chocolate
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 120g Biscoff Crunchy Spread
• 10 Biscoff biscuits

How to make Biscoff blondies

Now, for the instructions.

You need to start by setting the oven to 180C, according to Clare, who spoke to Tyla.

Then grab your sweet potatoes and microwave them for six minutes, but don’t forget to turn them over halfway through so that they become soft all over.

After that, scoop out the inside and make sweet potato mash. Throw away the skin.

Get your Biscoff spread, flour of choice and baking powder, and blend in a bowl along with the sweet potato until it’s a nice and smooth.

Follow that up by chopping the white chocolate and crush a couple of biscuits into the mixture.

Voilà – your blondie base is done. Pour the blend into a baking tin and leave in the oven for 30 minutes.

Here is the crucial part; once you take your cake out of the oven, press broken Biscoff pieces into it before it cools.

Wait another half hour, and serve.

For more Biscoff-themed desserts, how about lasagne?

Food blogger Walla Abu-Eid has shared the delectable dish on her Instagram and people love it.

Here’s an idea: make both?

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There’s a moment when every person of colour becomes aware that they’re different. I’m half Indian and for me, this happened when I was five years old, as someone I thought was my friend at school called me ‘brown girl’.

Until then, I hadn’t realised that my skin colour could be used against me, and it felt like I was being told not to love something that was a huge part of me. I retorted with my own insults, but I don’t think there’s a label I could have given him that would have cut as deep.

After this experience, the sense of not wanting to look different stayed with me – and made me think I wasn’t as attractive as my white friends.

I felt it strongest when we started becoming interested in boys, romantically. When I was nine, a white boy asked to dance with me at a school disco. I was baffled, but I was less surprised by what a friend said afterwards: ‘I didn’t think he’d like you because…’.

She never finished the sentence, but I pushed for an answer.

‘Because you’re brown,’ the reply eventually came, confirming my suspicions that my skin colour wasn’t desirable. I felt sick hearing it, but it was also oddly comforting to think that my race, and only my race, was the reason boys didn’t look at me.

I never thought that my friend was racist, but rather awkwardly trying to tell me that people are prejudiced against Indian girls. I wished we had talked about it more, but we weren’t mature enough to know what to say.

As I moved into my teens, I realised that there was a certain look that a girl had to have to be liked by boys my age – white and skinny with long straight hair.

I started typing ‘Indian woman’ into Google to see how readily available a beautiful face that resembled mine was, convinced I wouldn’t find one. You can discover gorgeous Indian women on Google Images easily, but I didn’t see myself in any of them.

I got the idea from my cousin, who is also half-Indian, and had once told me that Indian women aren’t attractive. Hearing this from someone who shares my race was a powerful and damning confirmation of my fears.

As a result, I developed an aversion to any aspect of Indian style: slippers, saris, gold bangles, henna… I even bought a candy pink blusher instead of a richer peach tone that suited me better. I hoped that if I dressed as westernised as possible, I would have a better chance at finding a boyfriend.

It’s not just a problem for Indian women; once, when I was on a date with an Indian boy, he said that white girls didn’t fancy him. His confession made me feel like I wasn’t special to him – like we were leftovers settling for each other because no one else wanted us.

The prejudice I encountered on a daily basis affected my self-worth and confidence – a rude comment would instantly crush me, and there were a lot of them.

Once, at a house party, where I had initially felt great about myself, a boy saw me alone in a room with his friend and ran out shouting ‘Tim and the brown girl are getting with each other!’ It hurt that no one could look past my skin colour.

My parents’ mixed marriage (my dad’s Indian and my mum’s English) also felt like a phenomenon, because most people I knew dated within their skin colour.

But then, seven years ago, I went to university and everything changed for one simple reason: white boys looked at me. I was even rated the most attractive girl in our accommodation by one of them. I was shocked.

For the first time, I also began to notice how gorgeous many famous women of colour are: Beyonce, Priyanka Chopra, Nicole Scherzinger. Indian girls that I met at university also seemed to embrace their looks in a way that I never had – I admired their confidence.

Slowly, my perspective of beauty shifted and bit by bit, I started believing that I too was attractive.

By no means do I think that the prejudice against Indian women has disappeared, but never again will I let other people’s warped perspectives change what I see when I look in the mirror.

I now know that I am beautiful because of my Indian features, not in spite of them.

Do you have a story that you’d like to share? Get in touch by emailing almara.abgarian@metro.co.uk.

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If you’ve been to Stratford in London then you’ve probably seen the Orbit – a massive red sculpture that was once the world’s biggest slide.

Originally built as part of the 2012 London Olympics, it was partly dismantled and rebuilt after the big event.

But one dad didn’t want the slide to go to waste.

Marc Decaro forked out £1,500 for part of the original Orbit and installed it into his garden.

Now his children get to play on what was once the world’s biggest helter-skelter.

The section of the slide, which is 12 metres long, and weighs one and a half tonnes, sits on a steep bank in the family’s back garden in Cardiff.

Floor layer Marc, 40, had to rope in 10 mates to help transport and winch it into his garden.

The family, including wife Claire, love having kids and adults over to play on the super slide.

Marc said: ‘My daughter asked me to build her a treehouse in the garden, and to get to the treehouse we needed a set of stairs – so I put those in.

‘Then I thought it would be an even better idea to install a slide, and everything else evolved from there.’

At first, Marc considered having a straight slide, but the angle and pitch of the bank were too steep and so he ended up going for a curved option.

He added: ‘A friend of mine said it would be impossible to build one, and four months later that slide came up on eBay for £2,000 – but I made a cheeky offer of £1500 and he accepted it.

‘The guy brought it down on a trailer and a friend of mine came over on his lorry and picked it up and put it on skates.

‘The slide is in two sections, we managed to get the first large section up by using ropes and my van as a winch.

‘The top section we took down the road on skates to the trail which runs along the back of my house, we took the fence down to lift it into position as it was so heavy.’

But all the heavy lifting was worth it.

He added: ‘The garden has flourished and the kids, including adults, love to go down it – everyone loves it.

‘We have all our friends over. You walk up the steps, it’s all lit up.

‘The kids buff it up inside with polish so they can go faster.’

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Fancy exploring a new fetish in the bedroom but not sure where to start?

Melisande Sin, 25, can teach you everything there is to know about BDSM – but be prepared to pay for it (in both pain and money).

The dominatrix from Gdansk, Poland, makes £15,000 per month torturing men in inventive ways – from leaving them in a cell for days to tying them up and whipping them.

While she has always been into the BDSM scene, which covers a wide range of kinks within bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism and masochism, Melisande had never thought about making a career of it.

The clinical psychology graduate is a self-taught dominatrix and runs her own fetish venue, dubbed Sin Sinsters Dungeon, where she hosts regular sessions with clients and produces ‘Femdom’ (where the woman is the mistress with authority over her submissive) videos.

She even has her own collection of BDSM furniture.

‘I was interested in the BDSM lifestyle before it became my profession,’ she said.

‘I was always the one “wearing the trousers” in all of my relationships. I am a natural leader and I like to have things my own way and boss people around.

‘I was a good student but also a bit of a misfit and rebel. I never really planned on becoming a clinical psychologist. I went to university for lack of a better plan.

‘At one stage, I realised that university would soon end and I would need to actually do something.

‘That’s when it hit me that I couldn’t see myself working in a lab or hospital. I started working in business and finance.

‘At this time, Poland only had one dungeon, in Warsaw, and even this one wasn’t available to rent.

‘I decided to set-up my own business and began the first dungeon in the north, Sin Sisters Dungeon.

“From there, being a dominatrix became my career. It escalated quickly. Now I travel the word for events and sessions. I run the dungeon and am in the process of setting up a second one.

‘I create fetish photography and clips, have designed a BDSM furniture line, and I am about to launch the first mistress directory in Poland. On the side, I invest in real estate.’

To give an insight into her world of kink, Melisande has shared what goes on behind closed doors – and explained that it’s much more than ‘holding a whip and looking attractive’.

From medical play, in which she has specialist skills, to whipping, rope bandage and keeping her submissive in a cell (one was in there for six days), people are willing to pay big bucks for her services.

A regular session can cost between £250 to £500 per hour, but the 26-year-old also takes special requests; one man forked out £1,000 for her to drive over his phone and laptop, while he watched.

Another man, one of her personal ‘slaves’, has asked her to choose tattoos for him to get inked across his body – which Melisande will do herself.

She said: ‘I do love tattoos so my personal slaves get the opportunity to be branded by me.

‘One of my closest personal slaves is currently being tattooed with a full body suit of tattoos of my choice. We have just started – he is already branded with my name.

‘Most requests include using someone as an ashtray, ball-busting, or spanking.

‘These might seem bizarre or extreme to the common public but this is perfectly normal.

‘If practised safely, these pose no threat to the individual’s health and are part of a healthy curiosity into the realm of sexuality.’

However, Melisande doesn’t have sex with any of her customers and she will never undress for them, though there is plenty of PVC and latex outfits.

The dominatrix will also turn down a request if she feels it is unsafe to perform.

She added: ‘Although the work of a professional dominatrix is deeply rooted in sexuality, it has nothing to do with sex.

‘We do not have sex or any intimate contact. I maintain a strict CFNM – clothed female, naked male – convention.’

Most customers are men aged between 25 to 35 years old, but the dominatrix has also had females, couples and some older men visit her dungeon.

Melisande said: ‘When I started, I was self-taught for the most part.

‘Later on, I sought workshops in particular fields such as CBT (c***-and-ball torture), medical play, and whipping. I also take shibari classes (rope bondage).

‘I can’t really say this job has helped me develop a strong mind-set – that brought me to the job.

‘I must say, it has helped me accept myself fully. I don’t feel guilty for being stronger than most men.

‘There is much more to it than holding a whip and looking attractive.’

Thanks to the flexibility of her job, Melisande also spends a lot of time travelling the globe.

She said: ‘My schedule varies. My day mostly consists of reading, working from my laptop and managing the people I employ.

‘When I’m on tour, I do a few hours’ worth of sessions a day but a typical day might just have one appointment.

‘I also travel a lot privately so one third of my life is being on holiday.’

But it can be a gruelling business, with some of her appointments lasting for days.

She said: ‘Some sessions last an hour, others a full day, and one even lasted for 122 hours.

‘During this time, the submissive slept on the premises in a prison cell.

‘I’d say on average I earn £15,000 a month from my dominatrix work without my other streams of income.

‘I have a strangely young demographic – from 25 to 35 years old – probably due to my edgy looks. I do get younger and older clients though. I have a very regular slave who is 60 years old. I also get women and couples.

‘A lot of them are single, some of them are married and some probably don’t tell me the truth.’

Melisande herself is married, but said that her line of work doesn’t affect their relationship, as both she and her partner ‘share an adventurous side’.

The dominatrix even wore a latex dress on their wedding day.

She said: ‘My work hasn’t changed my own love life.

‘In terms of my sex-life, I was always rather open and adventurous and so is my partner.

‘I did choose to wear a latex wedding dress. I loved the look of them before becoming a dominatrix but my line of work meant it was more than justified to wear one.’

‘BDSM is a great way for adults to find themselves through consensual play. I like to inspire people to reach out to what they want,’ she added.

‘My sessions serve as a safe haven for people to speak openly about their desires, hopes, and fears.’

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